just thoughts of a 24-year-old trying to find her way





I'd love to hear from you! Email me at: seeker@tanglebox.com

Okay, so I've been terrible. I know, I know, it's been almost a week since I've written. Things have been hectic, to say the least. Everything went crazy as of Saturday morning...when a friend came to me and revealed that he just found out his amazing, perfect girlfriend was bulimic. Aside from it tearing him apart how much this wonderful girl (and she really is wonderful) has been suffering, he felt betrayed because she hid it from him for so long. Having a pretty extensive background in psychology, I tried to explain to him why it's important for him not to condemn her for that, that it was a really huge step for her to reveal her problem to him. She had never, in six years, told anyone else. We spent the next few hours calling counseling places to find affordable therapy (she has no insurance) because that is the most important thing for her right now. She's has taken a very important step -- seeking help. I'm proud of her, though I can't tell her that, since I'm not actually supposed to know. I think it's good that I know, however, since I can teach my friend about the disorder and also be a support, having dealt with many different cases of loved ones with serious problems. Anyway, we spent most of the day together, alternating between discussing the issue and trying to keep his mind off of it when it started to really become overwhelming.

Bulimia is such a terrible disorder...my heart goes out to this girl. I can't imagine what it must be like for her. To have to carry around this secret for so long, to deal with the incessant guilt that accompanies the disorder, not to mention the physical detriment it does to your body. For whatever the reasons that she started binging/purging in the first place, I hope that with a good couselor and strong support she will be able to conquer her demons. She has my silent support and love all the way.

If any of you who happen to read this have an eating disorder or know someone who does, please please please talk to someone about it and get professional help. There is no shame in that whatsoever. Don't ever think you're weak because you can't conquer the problem on your own. Getting help is probably the strongest and smartest thing you can do. Take care all --
posted at 2:29 PM

okay, I'm over my pissiness. Now I'm just really really tired. I'm supposed to go to this company dinner party my boss is throwing, but I really don't feel like doing much of anything at the moment...in fact I feel like I'm about to fall over! Work has majorly kicked my ass this week, I don't know why. Argh. I'll probably bail and just stay in tonight. Just like practically every other friday night. Isn't that pathetic? Especially since I live in NYC...the city where nightlife abounds...


Don't get me wrong, I love going out, and I could sure use a dose of dancing since the past weeks have been so stressful, but unfortunately for me I don't have anyone to go out with. You see, I moved here in the beginning of the year knowing very few people...and though I love the few friends I have, they're all "attached" and spend all their free time with their significant others...I'm happy for them but it sure gets lonely sometimes. And it doesn't help that everyone I work with is either married or gay. How in the world does someone meet people?
posted at 7:37 PM

fuck!! Blogger just lost two posts! Advice to all bloggers -- DO NOT try to resize your window in the middle of a post. Everything gets wiped out! Or at least it did for me...
posted at 4:08 PM

okay, so I never came back last night. I got embroiled in work annoyances...I finally got so pissed of I decided to screw it and shut down my computer and curl up with a good book. Okay so it was a really crappy romance novel, but oh well. Sometimes you just want the brain to shut down. Anyway, I can't write much since I'm at work, but I figured I'd mention one of my favorite links just in case of you are trying to waste some time...go to bored.com. It's chock full of all sorts of things to check out, there's a huge variety so I'm sure you'll find something you like. Talk at ya later -- : )
posted at 12:10 PM

hey there -- well, I just dyed my hair. Blue black. It feels wonderful -- like I'm going back to my roots. I know that probably sounds strange, that having a hair color not my natural color (dark brown) would feel more natural...but it does. You see, I had dyed my hair blue-black for most of high school and about half of college...then I went through restless phases of burgundy, dark brown, reddish brown, orangey brown, various highlights...but for some reason nothing ever made me feel as good as my midnight hair...so now, five years later, I feel like I'm "getting back to basics." Strange huh? It's funny the things that make a person feel at home. Well, I gotta go fix up some food for dinner so I can take my medicine. I'm on Accutane right now, to clear up the mild but persistent acne that's been plaguing me since I turn 18 or 19. Crazy drug -- it totally dries up your skin. I have to put lip balm on every 2 minutes! But it's working wonders (it's been two months so far, three to go) so I'm happy to deal with the annoying side effects. I'll probably be back later. : )
posted at 7:55 PM

hmmm...well hello all. As you can obviously see, this is a totally new weblog. I've had sites before, but I've never done this. Should be an interesting experience...I can't say I know yet what this site is going to turn out to be about...probably just the things I struggle with inside my head...maybe I'll stick with it, maybe it will just fall by the wayside into that bin of "things I'd love to do if I could just find the time"...isn't that always the way it is? Time or money...so many things I want to do if only I had the time or money. Like travel the world or read and write all day long...take off from work for a few days and hole up in my room working on a jigsaw puzzle or just lying on the floor surrendering to forbidden memories...but the world doesn't work that way. Shit, I have a hard enough time trying to find time to do my laundry! But enough about that. So you're probably wondering who the hell I am. I haven't decided yet how much of that I want to tell...I don't know if I really want someone who knows me to come across this site and be able to know my innermost thoughts...maybe that's silly and paranoid and a little reclusive -- but I want this site to be just for me and you, my lovely visiting strangers. So I'm sure bits and pieces will come out in time in future posts, but for now I'll just say I'm a person who is searching...for something. A restless soul, I guess you could say. So welcome to my world, my friends...I hope you come visit again.
posted at 10:21 PM