Ranting, raving and running around with no pants on.

I left my voice recognition software on while I was having a discussion with my boss. Here are the results. I think it's funny

now how it comes with the answer machine said users
to wear up in a U.S. is a right of a new view filing the morning
i.e. a tour you've got in China is for tracking database
adjustments of us and it is in an anomaly on a confrontation
with confidence in the facility at a couple of and a pinch to
do that in pursuing couples who view and blue lifetime, attorneys
are blue you run the incident a bit as the security number
you within annuity for a in the security number and it's all week
the mean blue gray password muscle weakness was a polite
month including your user ID is the Nazis is the Sewell right
is click on a limited to instill pacific plan commission to you
on his month a hot. Soon go to a Tuesday gets doorstep
one correct right yet correct noncitizens desktop to make it
easier to find a raising saying right to the yet enacted windows
and that the same time you to minimize everything and onions
to the summit to legi

posted by John Watson at 18.6.01

You'll see him in his dreams.
Hey, buddy, I'm warning you to turn it up
He's a ghost he's a god he's a guru
You're one microscopic cog in his disappearing plan,
While hidden in his coat is a red right hand.

So I'm feeling pretty okay this morning, even on 3 hours of sleep. Which I find odd. My only complaint is that my Achilles tendon is really sore this morning., not sure why.

So for those of you who aren't Josh, I have a brag this morning.

On Saturday, Josh and I went to this place called the Alligator Grill in south Austin. The food was really quite good, but our waitress was, seriously, the most attractive waitress I have seen in this town. Short dirty blonde hair, short, cute little nose, squeaky voice.. just a very appealing woman in all sorts of ways. So over the course of the meal, Josh and I stuttered and lit things on fire, due to the fact that we become wholly incompetent and stupid when presented with a hot chick. As she was clearing our plates, I got some cohones and said: You know, you are the hottest waitress I have seen in the three years I have lived in this town. And the kicker is, I managed to do it without sounding creepy! So she got all flustered and said thank you and stuff.. Turns out she has only been in Austin for six months or so and is from this little tiny town called Lubbock, TX.

I left my number on the bill.

She hasn't called yet.
posted by John Watson at 18.6.01

On our generation, and its general malaise

I think that the next generation will have gotten over it tho..
the vietnam war had a tremendous impact on the psyche of our country. We had never been defeated before, at anything... We're still fairly immature, as a nation, wehreas you brits have the advantage of 500 years of civilization, numerous defeats and even more victories to go on. And this is why the hippies happened.. They didn't give a shit, and my generation, thier kids, don't give a shit either.

That's just a bit of a conversation I was having with someone.

posted by John Watson at 4.6.01

and it's been a while since I first saw you,
and it's been a while since I can stand on my own two feet again
and it's been a while since I could call you
And everything I can't remember
It's fscked up as it all may seem
The consequences that are entered
I stretched myself beyond my means.

Good morning, campers. I had a dream last night that has been recurring for the last six or seven years of my life.
Just thought I'd share.

In this dream, I am in the Pacific Northwest, probably outside of Seattle, WA. There is little surrounding me, just trees and birds, grass and leaves. I'm walking through the forest, and out comes Maggie Moran (my next door neighbor when I was growing up). She is wearing something flowy and granola-y, and she says "Hi, Brant, want to go for a walk?"
I agree to walk with her, and sooner or later we come upon a valley. The valley has lush greenery surrounding it, but about 50-75 feet above the brown (healthy brown, like a silty river), calm water the sides of the valley turn to sand. This is no specific place that I know of, but is a conglomeration of Anchorage, Seattle, New Jersey and Florida. There is a feeling of desolation to this place, a feeling of disuse and memory.
Off in the distance, we can see a bridge, a small wooden slat bridge, crossing the gorge and we decide to head for it. After about half an hour, we arrive at the bridge.
There's something forbidding about this bridge, the narrowness, the wear on the slats. It emits this aura of dinginess, of negligent menace.
We begin to cross, holding hands.
The bridge sways and the rope creaks, and we get halfway across and stop. We start talking, but I can never remember what we discuss, but it seems to be important.
The net result of this discussion is that I have to learn to fly. Somehow I step up on the hand rope of the bridge, balance there, looking down at the calm brown water and then dive. The bridge is a couple of hundred feet in the air, and I soar downwards, trying to figure out how to fly.
I start to figure it out, but I'm only able to slow my fall down, and I hit the water and start to sink. The water isn't very deep, and I hit the sandy bottom after a short time. I look up, and I can see the sun sparkling through the silty water, and I remember how to fly.
I come zooming out of the water, back up in the air, and I'm just swooping around, having a grand old time, and I fly back up towards Maggie. I hover near her in the air and grab her hand, pulling her with me, but as I get her over the limits of the bridge, whatever is keeping me in the air lets go.
Maggie and I tumble through the air, falling ever faster, but somehow I get enough of the flying power back to have steerage, so I start aiming us for the gray sandy walls of the valley. We hit the sand and start tumbling down towards the water, stopping about 10 feet above the water.

This is the bit where it gets weird. I can never remember what happens after we stop, but the memory sits there on the tip of my brain, as it were. I wish I could remember.

So that's my little story. have a nice day.

B
posted by John Watson at 4.6.01

When your life,
Kiss your baby
bye bye bye
if you're true, the whole wide world will love with you
When we see, there's nothing' wrong with you and me
Time will tell, might even bring a wedding bell.
If you think that I'm a loser, well, you suck,
cuz you know I ain't' nothin' but a user
of your love. I CAN'T GET ENOUGH
Oh, girl, it's true, the whole wide world is smilin' with you.

Fnord, baby.

So this really weird thing happened to me last night.
Josh and I went to the special HOT GAY store to get some HOT GAY food and some food for our HOT GAY dog, and when we got back there was a message on our answering machine... And the weird bit is that the message sounded like it was from a space alien. Neither of us know any space aliens, so, suffice to say, we were somewhat confusled. But then, HOT GAY genius that I am, I figured it out. It was a robot. PAK CHOOIE. Part of the who killed Evan Chen game surrounding the new AI movie from Spielberg. Add that to the fact that I got 2 emails from a different robot (one who was fighting with the robot who called me) and I'm just a little bit wierded out.
posted by John Watson at 30.5.01

Twisted firestartah.

I should not watch rambo movies before going to bed. Last night, I had a dream. I was in a mall, unlike any mall I'd ever been to before, just minding my own business, and then this bad guy (tm) comes out and starts yelling at me about something... he proceeds to call forth his henchmen, a couple of whom are riding motorcycles. The henchmen start chasing me, and I shoot back, dodging and jumping, and then, the motorcycle guys start driving up the escalators to get to me, so I run down when they're coming up and then go back and forth for about half an hour and then I start running towards the boss guy and then, for some reason I woke up.. and I looked at the clock and all of this nonsense had occurred before 3.30. Just wierd.
posted by John Watson at 18.5.01

I never thought I'd die alone. I laughed the loudest, who'd have known. I traced the cord back to the wall, no wonder; it was never plugged in at all. I took my time, I hurried up, the choice was mine I didn't think enough. I'm too depressed to go on, and you'll be sorry when I'm gone. You never conquered when you came, 16 just held such better days...

Josh and I went to denny's this evening to sit and talk of stranger things, like ships and sails and sealing wax, and whether cows have wings. We discussed the urge to 'drive'. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but the drive is something that runs through the mind of a boring man such as myself.
The drive is a recurring urge. It is when you're sitting, waiting at a stoplight on the way to work, or the store, or just about anywhere and you get this nigh-irrepressable urge to just take a left and drive until you're done. Drive until you're old. Drive until my teeth start falling out of thier sockets due to a combination of malnourishment and old age. Of course, the drive, I think, is tantamount to suicide, but I'll get into that later. The old self destructive urges are flowing back again. I have some hypothoses as to why self-mutilation holds such a sway over my mind. If you, gentle reader, will indulge me, I'll share some of the insight I think i may have learned over the years...

In the twilight glow I see her, blue eyes cryin' in the rain. When we kissed goodbye and parted, I knew we'd never meet again. Through the ages, I'll remember, blue eyes cryin' in the rain.

For me, self mutilation was never about death, about suicide; it was about power. When a man has enough power over himself to injure, it follows that he can do anything, overcome any obstacle. It shows control and self-discipline. It helps the mind understand that, regardless what happens, there is always one option left.

The drive is much the same. It indicates a certian desire for change, for something different just so a man knows he has control over his own destiny. Nothing earth-shattering here, but working and working and working and jerking off and jerking off and jerking off and sleeping and sleeping and sleeping is not a good way to convince yourself that you're in control.

Control, weakness, power. All tied together. At Blair, I always felt weak. Weak about my friends, weak about my choices.. but the scars on my arms prove that I am stronger than some things.
I think the only person who knew about my little obsession (barring the inner circle, of course) was Tannir, my old chum. I was wearing my biosphere II t-shirt and the sleeves were seeping through a little bit, and he said something, and I made up some obvious falsehood. I'm glad that my parents never found out about it, and that nobody, save those who truly understand, figured out what was going on, or exactly how much trouble I was in.

I don't know. I've just been doing some bellybutton-peering lately. I think it's healthy. I hope so, at least.

There's a decent chance that I'll be back tonight or tomorrow, writing more about this or other subjects. Perhance, if you're lucky, I'll tell you about this girl who I may or may not be dating. Or it might just be more melancholy ramblings.

Regardless, I'm off to the jacuzzi to spend some quality time with the josh-man.
posted by John Watson at 28.4.01

She grew up in an indiana town, had a good lookin' mama, never was around... but she grew up tall and she grew up right, with them indiana boy son that indiana night.

I got a box of cigars from my neighbor, churchie, the other day.. There' s a cuban in the box. Fuckin' a, I'm exited about that. Got a motor for the boat, finally, it's a 19-motherfucking-56 evinrude. I'm really psyched about going out on the lake this weekend.

Josh and I actually had a talk this weekend about his dickly-ness and shafting of friends. I think that for a change, we may have actually communicated some ideas. Which is just rare. pleasant, but rare. So I don't think he's going to randomly shaft me anymore. too much. Women make a man shady.

I found this site that has these really cool IM tools. you can add your friends and be a loser and get them hate IMs. Pretty damn funny.

As one of my (I think my only) faithful reader pointed out, this and the earlier log are, well, boring. And forced. And dull.

I dont' know what to say in response to those accusations, because they are pretty much true. I am going to try to be better, but I have never been very good at it.

Ahh, I'm going to bed. I'm too fucking pooped to be smart.

B
posted by John Watson at 26.3.01

This is for jennifer, who's pissed off that I've been lazy as hell lately. To recap: Got a new pocketknife. Got some HydraShoks for my glock. Taco bell is going to give free tacos to everyone in the world if Mir hits a target. I got a boat. Josh doesn't like it when you say 'w00t w00t'. Yeah.

Cosmo is leaving to seattle, which I think is just about the dumbest thing in the world, but hey, what am I supposed to do? Arrg. Gotta get back to work.

I want to kill the president. OF IRAQ! AHAHAHAHAH. See, it's not bad if I say it that way. Yep.

It's a love affair, mainly jesus, and my car.
Here's how to order! Money back guarantee. Call now!.

Did you know that time warner owns HBO? They're into everything. Unga.
posted by John Watson at 21.3.01

I enjoyed your article on TV violence this morning, but I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you on the subject, as you seem to have done a goodly deal more research on the subject than I have.
One thing that I think Congress, the media, the pundits, the far reaching right wing conspiracy and Jerry the evil duck are missing in the critique of shows like Jackass, Beavis and Butthead, WWF Raw is War and their oh-so-cerebral ilk is this: parents are responsible for raising their children. Not TV. Not George W. Bush. Not Tammy Faye Baker. Not Brant Pierce. Not Viacom. Parents. To paraphrase a quote by Elizabeth Wurtzel, as was said during the Menendez brothers trial 'Anytime your kids kill you, it is at least partially your fault.'

I, a 23 year old, non-mother who thinks, male, single swinging bachelor quite enjoy watching Jackass. I think that Johnny Knoxville et al. are a funny group of guys. It isn't cerebral humor. But it is arresting. And that is both the beauty and the problem of the new attitudes in pop culture. We, as a nation, need more and more intensity to entertain us (see Survivor, Fox Channel's when Animals attack Magicians at High Speeds, South Park, etc) and this need for intensity puts a larger and larger burden on parents. Parents have to do more work to be able to compete with the sexiness of the entertainment industry, and that sucks for the parents, but that does ease any of the responsibility that they have for the upbringing of their children.
While this may not be the same as a child using a parent's improperly secured handgun to kill one of his friends, the concept is still applicable. OOh, I have to fight not to go on a rant about improperly secured firearms and the death of children. If the children involved in the human barbeque incident had been properly supervised and cared for by the people who are supposed to protect them for the first 18 years of their lives, they would probably be unharmed and happy today. While this may be an oversimplification of things, and there are exceptions (Dylan Harris/Eric Kliebold, for instance) the concept is sound. While Joe Liberman and his posse and those people in the Democratic party who feel it is their business how parents raise their children may bitch and moan about violence in the media and how the heathen video games are destroying our children, they need to take some responsibility for the what they let their children watch.

posted by John Watson at 5.2.01

I met someone at the dog show, she was holding my left arm, but everyone was acting normal so I tried to look nonchalant, we both said 'I really love you' the shriners loaned us cars, we raced up and down the sidewalk twenty thousand million times.. Why did they send her, over anyone else, how should I react, these things happen, to other people, they don't happen at all, in fact.
They Might Be Giants

I love to pee. I'll pee any goddamn place. That is, of course, one of the beauties of having a penis. Usually, here at my house, we pee in the backyard, and bleach every 2 weeks. 1 gallon, if it needs it or not. Of course, that isn't so good for our plants, but I don't much like them anyhow.

I'm watching Rounders right now. Pretty good movie, Edward Norton is great, as usual; Matt Damon is in the sort of part that he was born for.. the only real drawback is John Malkovich, who I usually really like, but in this movie he's a little overdone with the russian accent. But who cares, right?

I talked to Jenn Ashoff earlier this evening. She just plain kicks ass. Unfortunately, her father-figure, Wayne (discussed earlier) died the night that I wrote the earlier discussion. I wish I was better at handling this sort of stuff. I did what I could, tho, and I suppose that is usually enough.

I'm sick as a cocksucking dog on the day after christmas right now. I haven't been sick in a year or so, but it just sucks. And there is a distinct lack of food in this house, especially stuff that is good when you're sick. I've had a coke, a dew and a bowl of chicken noodle soup tonight. Blea.
I'm going to bed.

posted by John Watson at 30.1.01

I must not fear
Fear is the mind killer that brings total obliteration
I will face my fear
I will permit it to pass over me and through me,
and when it has gone past,
I will turn the inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
posted by John Watson at 25.1.01

I know this girl, she lives on a hill, if she don't do it, then her sister will... She do the tube steak boogie... Yeah.
ZZ Top. Are they from Dallas?

So I've been having these recurring dreams about gena Gershon lately. Fucking bizzare. How it usually happens is this: I'll be in my room from highschool, laying in bed, reading a book, and my phone rings (it's always a nokia 8800 for some reason) and a voice (mystery person, male, sort of sean conneryish) tells me that I have to go. I run outside, and jump into my car --::Break for an aside::--
I'm watching ER right now. 2 things: Carrie the crippled doctor is now having lesbian sex (or at least just making out with some chick), and she may be nasty, but fuckin' a, you can't beat lesbians for sure jerking off enjoyment.. Second thing, Anthony Edwards (Dr. Greene) is leaving the show at the end of the 2002 season, which saddens me because it means that I don't think I'll be able to tolerate watching the show anymore, because he's really the coolest person on the show. I know, doesn't matter.
--::End of break::-- and I go roaring down the road. I head over towards NYC, and I cross the bridge into town, picking Ms. Gershon up along the way. She lives, for some strange reason, in Newark. We get in, and we go to the suburbs of Philly. Along the drive, the cops start chasing us, due to the fact that I was going 120 on the highway. Luckily, I'm heavily armed, so I'm able to 'defend myself' as we say here in texas. So, with the dispatched cops, and me in Philly, I go to a cheap motel and bang the ass off of Gina. And she's que nice. My stupid alarm is usually going off by that time and the dog is jumping on my head.

Maura Tierney is SO HOT. Goddamn, I mean she just makes my loins swell. And it's hard to believe he's so tasty with what her father, larry, looks like.

I'm pooped. Good day to you.
posted by John Watson at 25.1.01

your construction, smells of corruption, I'll manipulate, to recreate, this air, it's raound saga, gotta launder my karma. I said hallelujia, with the sixteens and the fans, you get down on your motherfucking knees, it's time for your sickness again, so come on, tell me what you need, tell me what's makin' you bleed, you got two more minutes and it's time for your motherfucking ass to give....

I went to the range today, it was quite loverly. Got to bust some caps into Jar Jar.
I wish Angela Lansbury would just die a horrible, horrible death. Can't stand that bitch. more later.
posted by John Watson at 21.1.01

FREE BOOK! Loser.
posted by John Watson at 18.1.01

Ahh, I was going to rage about littleton, CO here for a while, but I decided against it. it's already been said, and it's a little bit passe' (what has it been 2 years? 3?) I mean, get a life.

I had some chicken tonight. It was quite tasty. Of course, at the same time, I have this terribile, terrible gas. I think I almost killed my dog.

I'm talking to Jennifer Aschoff right now. She is a really interesting gal, she is. She has this father-figure guy by the name of Wayne who is dying of some bizzare sort of cancer (pancreatic?) and I don't know what to do about it. I love this girl, and I want to 'help her through her time of trouble' I guess I'm sort of a freakass. Or I'm just dumb when it comes to this sort of thing. Well. Got some carmaggedon to play.
posted by John Watson at 17.1.01

Ahh, I was going to rage about littleton, CO here for a while, but I decided against it. it's already been said, and it's a little bit passe' (what has it been 2 years? 3?) I mean, get a life.

I had some chicken tonight. It was quite tasty. Of course, at the same time, I have this terribile, terrible gas. I think I almost killed my dog.

I'm talking to Jennifer Aschoff right now. She is a really interesting gal, she is. She has this father-figure guy by the name of Wayne who is dying of some bizzare sort of cancer (pancreatic?) and I don't know what to do about it. I love this girl, and I want to 'help her through her time of trouble' I guess I'm sort of a freakass. Or I'm just dumb when it comes to this sort of thing. Well. Got some carmaggedon to play.
posted by John Watson at 17.1.01

Southern Culture on the Skids is coming to town this weekend, and I'm just as exited as can be. Was reading media reports on the Littleton, CO incedent this afternoon during lunch, and I have some thoughts on it, but unfortunately they are going to have to wait until this evening to be expanded on because I'm busy as heck.

I got a great big convoy, runnin' through the night....
CON VOOOOOY!
posted by John Watson at 17.1.01

I'm listening to Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash dueting on VH1's Storytellers . Freakin' rules. No shit, man. Had a chance to see Willie in concert here in Austin, but there was a massive thunderstorm with tornadoes and shit, so we never made it. I'm tired, so that's all I really have.
posted by John Watson at 16.1.01

I gave up tryin' to figure it out, but my soul I pissed it all away. I gave up tryin' to figure it out, cuz my head got lost and blown away. Still dig these shattered nerves, pigs we get what pigs deserve, I'm going all the way down I'm leaving today.
Last-NIN

I talked to Charisse Manzi last night. We went to high schoool together. She's quite strange. Went to college for a while, dropped out, and supposedly is going back in a couple of weeks. She didn't like me during high school (there was an incedent with some valentines) but --little break here for subject change--
I am watching scary movie and there's this scene where this bitch is getting ready to give this dude a blowjob. He's giving her the head push, and Cosmo and I both started laughing. Never done that.
--done with the break--
Not that blowjobs have anything to do with Charisse and myself. Of course, if there had been, I bet I'd be a happier man today, so umm, yeah. She is so hot. Goddamn. Looks like this one chick from a Victoria's Secret caltalouge. But I digress. Mmm... Reesey.
What was I talking about? Goddamn, i get easily confused.

Oh, manzi, not liking me in school. Riiight. So she didn't like me in school, and then I dropped out to go to MTU she ceased to dislike me and started to offer me rides in her Corvette (she's a badass like that. and stuff). I dunno. Freakin' wierd, tell you what. I have never understood women, and I don't think that I ever will.
"I have never trusted the Klingons, I have never liked Klingons. And I will never forget them for the death of my son."

I'm supposedly going golfing tomorrow, but I have my doubts. Josh is fucking his ho right now, lacking priorities, as per usual. Here's an email exerpt:
--I was planning on joining you guys for dracula and other festivities
--tonight, but with golf tomorrow and hookie on monday that pretty much leaves
--today to get the QT in.
This is, of course, after he said that he was going to come over here today. This makes me somewhat bitter.
He appears to be getting dangerously close to the point where she, as a whore, is going to be popping condoms and getting knocked up any day now.
He's losting track of the male maxim: Bros Before Ho's. Spends all of his time getting his cock wet with his ho, and very little of it with the people who won't get pregnant on purpose to 'cement' her place in life. I mean, what else is a biology major going to do? Jesus.

I was quite exited about doing the whole golf thing tomorrow. Haven't been golfing in almost 2 years. As we say in Alaska, it takes a lot of balls to golf the way we do. Cosmo isn't coming because he's broke, which sucks.

I talked to Agnieszka the other day. She makes me feel so very peculiar. There are all of these mixed feelings running around my little brain, and I don't know how to sort them out. She told me she broke up with Nick Marcalus, which is a goodness. The guy was a scumass. He wasn't a very good person at all, and she was totally in love with him. She has this real thing about dating scumbags. Of course, she'd never date me, I'm too...I'm not... well, something's wrong here, I just can't seem to put my finger on it.

Spam makes a roasted turkey flavor now. Scary.

I need to get rid of my hedgehog. I thought he was going to be really fun and nice to hang out with and interesting to be around, but he's really just a mean, mean asshole. I can't figure out how to get rid of him. I really have 3 choices. Sell him, kill him or set him free. I can't really do any of those and not feel bad. Specially the last two.

that's all I really have for now.

Oh, and I talked tannir. He's wierd as hell.

later
posted by John Watson at 13.1.01

En esta secuela, el muñeco diabólico está poseído por el espíritu de un asesino quien busca intercambiar cuerpos con un niño (Alex Vincent). Jenny Agutter, Gerrit Graham, Christine Elise.
posted by John Watson at 13.1.01

I hate a lot of whites, I hate a lot of blacks, I hate poopin' in puiblic places but we all hate that. I hate lesbian feminists cuz they're all so damn ugly, i hate spin magazine cuz they never ever plug me, and I hate regis and I hate cathy lee, and I hate every single movie by that midget spike lee, I hate people that thinnk that I care what they think, I hate people who think that thier ass don't stink, I hate Jon bon jovi, but I hate his music more, I don't hate killin' people but I hate to keep score. I hate you but you hate yourself too, and I'd hate to be honest, but I'd hate to be you.

I went over to Ken's house today. He's just a fucking freak and that's all there is to it. I really like hanging out with him and shooting the crap with him, but all he talks about is freakin' everquest. Blea, I am so very sick of that game. I can't wait for UO2 to come out, tell you what.

Sometimes I forget that I am a smart guy. I fall into these ruts of being a complete and total moron, at work and at home, and I sometimes just wanna come home and start chopping on myself again, like at Blair. It's pretty hard to not get back into that rut again. But I've been trying quite hard. So I'm not sure what I'm talking about, so i think I'm going to bed.

"Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars?"
"I tell you what I'd do, man. 2 chicks at the same time...."
....
"Not all chicks dig money."
"The kind of chicks who'd double up on a dude like me do."
posted by John Watson at 13.1.01

If could make a suggestion, you're beggin' the question, don't be surrounded, but you'll be so alone, kill.

When I took my drogas when I was at Blair I had a condition called orthostatic hypotension, aka 'the woozy helmet effect'. And I have always had, and will continue to have trouble confusing the difference between affect and effect.

This is a nonsensical, disjointed email (as opposed to all of my other, lucid emails).

I called Cosmo and gave him the HR number. Nurse Boydar. Yikes.

Salmon is considered an 'oily' fish

You know what would be fun? Going to a yard sale or two. I love those things. So much fun to buy more absolute crap.

They do brain surgery for depression now. It's called a Cingulotomy. It interrupts the cingulate gyrus which is a bundle of nerve fibers in the front of the brain and it doesn't 'affect either intellect or memory'. How does one know if one has lost his memory? It seems as if it would be the same as going crazy, inasmuch (!) as you're losing the same ability as is required to process the loss, or analogously (?), like the computer in HHGTG, where the computer part for diagnosing missing computer parts is lost.

However, in situations like dysthymia (chronic, low grade depression, characterized with loss of interest in life and anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure) and anemotion with the occasional full blown depressive incident and they tend to call themselves losers) (sound a wee bit familiar, do it?) you can go in and out of depression, and that would make you be able to acknowledge it. But, of course, if you were dysthymic, would you care?

They have finally managed to discern that depression results from a combination of genetic, biochemical and environmental factors. Duh. And I don't' know what that does to help anyone at all. I know, I know, further research leads to acceptance and bla bla.

I wonder if eye of the tiger was written for Rocky, or if Sly was just looking for a cool (is that the right word?) song.

Later on.
posted by John Watson at 9.1.01

Too get in to my complex and wreak havoc the gate code is the same as the street address posted by the keypad.
11900
Pretty tricky but I think you'll figure it out. Apparently dogs don't like to lick stamps. I thought I'd put Brook's slobbering dog to some

good use and had it lick all my stamps for me. Shortly afterward it vomited all over the carpet.

that's from cosmo. Freakin' freak.

So I came home today for lunch and let oy out, he did his business, and I went back inside with him, making my lunch and going about my lunchtime activities. I call him over to me for some lovin', as is my custom, and no dog. I proceed to look over at the couch. no dog. I go into the kitchen to see if he's eating, no dog. I look in the dining (read: worthless) room to see if he's eating link. No dog. I go upstairs. he's looking at me like he just killed my mom and feels bad about it. I call him to me and he slinks over like I've just beaten his butt with a rubber hose.

Needless to say, this makes me very suspicious.

I start looking around my room for a pile of dog poo. No poo. Bathroom? No poo. Closet? No poo. Hallway? Same. Same your room, your bathroom and your closet. During this whole inspection, I'm being followed by this craven dog of ours and he's slinking AND Looking at me sideways. So I kneel down and get him to come over and I scream at him: ARE YOU EYEBALLING ME, YOU SLIMY LITTLE COMMUNIST SH1T TWINKLE-TOED C0CKSUC|

So I didn't find any evidence of a mess of any sort, so I called him downstairs, and (this crept me out) as I'm sitting on the couch trying to get him to come over to me, he goes into his box. Jesus lord, I don't understand this doggie, eh? So I call him out, pet him, then put him back in.

I'm going to the pawnshop tonight to see if I can find me a 1 wood. Help me get a little revenge on the neighborhood, it will. Hopefully Josh'll come along, but I suspect he's headed over to the whore's house to get his priapus moistened. We call this 'reprioritizing' where I come from.

Good morning campers....
the camp with a message, never mind the weather, when you come to Tommy's the audit is forever.....

b
posted by John Watson at 8.1.01

Purchased insurance today. Bought it from Progressive, and I'm seriously pissed off right now. I have had insurance on my motorcycle for around a year or so, and recently I got run over by some asshole who doesn't know how to drive. Fucking cocksucking asslicking bad driving motherfucker. Shit cock piss me the fuck off. So I call to get my insurance coverage expanded to my new car ('92 Ford Escort POS. Got it for US250) (niiiiice). They asked me if I had continuous insurance for the last six months. I said yes. They said 'what?' 'My bike, I've had insurance for almost a year now' 'Oh, that doesn't count' 'what?' 'Motorcycles don't count. bummer, huh?' 'Excuse me? My bike was my primary mode of transport!' 'Well, tough shit, asshole, pay or die.' So what did I do? I paid, like the sweet bitch that I am. What a fucking loser. I think I'm going to write a letter to the FTC about that. It's just pretty fucked up.

Sigh. I hate my life.
What a fucking loser.
posted by John Watson at 8.1.01

Josh and I finally managed to spend some QT last night. We went to WalMart and walked around WalMart for about 3 hours. Ended up buying 122.02 worth of candles. I guess this makes me a fag. Then we went to Denny's. Josh met someone from his camp in Daharain. She was our waitress. She was fairly ugly, but had a nice turdcutter, eh? So at Denny's, we're sitting there drinking pot after pot of coffee and these two flaming gay guys come and sit in the booth next to us, and I'm talking about being from Alaska and some town which I referred to as 'buttfuck, AK' and this dudes head just whips around like I was calling his name, drenched in honey. heh. It cracked me up.
posted by John Watson at 7.1.01

I'm here at work, getting projects dumped on me one after the other. It'd be quite nice to be able to instruct the people who are dumping these ill-defined, overly complicated, never to be used projects in my lap. Of course, my version of instruction would be considerably different than what they're used to. Quick hint: It would involve a whiffleball bat, a shotgun, a pair of pliers, and some peeps. Oh, yes, they'd be sorry. Sorry they ever messed with me, tell you what.

Hoagies and grinders, navy beans, navy beans, meatloaf sandwich.
Yeah. Word to your mother.
posted by John Watson at 5.1.01

So i'm trying to get Cosmo to make a robotic critter (programmable lego creations) that would chase my dog, Oy, around, so that we could see if he was going to be an evil dog while we left him at home. Cosmo says that the 'brick' (that is what they call the control block) would just sort of throw up if we tried to fully program it. Bummer.

These 7 escaped convicts here in Texas were spotted at a bank today. They now, supposedly, have 309 million firearms, but what the media (morons) are making a big deal about is the fact that they have a scanner. I don't know, but if *I* was going to commit a crime, I think one of the first things that I would have would be a scanner. The news also said, I don't recollect where, that all of the law enforcement officers involved were now wearing bulletproof vests because of how dangerous these guys were. I don't know about you, but I swear to fucking christ I'd be wearing a motherfucking vest at all motherfucking times. I swear. Some of these rednecks in this state are morons. They whine "ooh, it's hot, I don't need a bulletproof vest when I'm a cop".

I think it's just about time for me to go to bed. I'm a little tired and cranky. Ooh, but first a dream.
(this is last night)
So I'm in blairstown (the town where I went to high school) but, of course, it is subtly different than it was before. Now, I'm walking around campus and it's raining cats and dogs (not literally) and ...

I'm armed (just like in real life) and I'm walking across this bridge. On the other end I see a wave of water and sediment rush up from the gully and over onto the road i'm on. This black dude is behind me (away from the water) and he screams 'flash flood, get out'. Unfortunately, I'm turing around and running from the water (and, of course, the water is rushing up around my ankles, trying to knock me off balance) and I've got 2 pistols out, and I'm trying to aim ahead of my buddy, but his head keeps getting in my sight picture. i don't know what I was aiming at, just somehting menacing.

Tommy need sleepy.
posted by John Watson at 5.1.01

This here is a collection of emails that I send to my roommate when I'm at work. Compiled over a
3 month period. I just want to save them

Yeah, queen... Does that make me gay?

It is wierd that Oy goes into his box like that now.. Definitley a good thing. The garbage is out
and I put the fresh stuff into it, but I dont' know if he's coming or not. According to this one
pet website I saw, you're supposed to lay the smackdown on your dog at random intervals from
time to time because you're trying to develop an alpha sub-alpha relationship. And laying the
random smackdown (like making him move off of the couch so you can sit where he was sitting)
helps to establish that. I figure i'm cranky and random enough that i won't have to go out of
my way for that, neh?

Ahh, the day is going by so very fast... I looked at my clock and it was 12:45... that just made
me quite pleased with myself.

Wanna go to petsmart tonight to get some dog clippers nails? I'm sick of his friggin' talons
cutting my johnson off very much yes.

Blea.
B

Brant Pierce
512-742-2732
brant.pierce@broadwing.com

hasnt' stoped raining for days, my world is a flood, as I slowly become one with me mud. If I
can't fly after forty days, and my mind is drowned in the pouring rage, lift me up so high that i
can not fall....when i'm falling, i'm weak and I'm dying, i need you to hold me, and keep me
from drowning again...

You should just start bringing a whiffleball bat to work so that when people encroach upon your
various spheres, and then WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK...heh. that would rule. Typing that
sentace got this big mental image in my head that just kind of cracked me up.

I rule.

Blea. I don't really have anything to say. been looking at this email for the last 20 minutes,
adn I can't think of anything clever or significant. Does that mean i'm a loser?

That's just a wierd TMBG song...mm, need to check thier webstite for concert info

I haven't been able to make it in before 8:30 at all this week. I'm just dyin' ove here.. I did one
of those turingn on the lamp while i'm still asleep things this morning.. It's a good think that I
don't keep a gnu (Isn't that some sort of critter?) next to my bed anymore.

Another thing that you can do to earthlink if they continue ot fukc with you is call the FTC.
They tend to get companies moving lickety-split.

If you're lost and you look and you will find me, time after time, if you fall I will catch you and
be waiting, time after time....
Ahh, gya-as$ 80's music. That was from everything but the girl. heh.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa....I'm so tired. I went to bed all early adn
stuff last night (1?)

Had this wierd as$ dream. I'm walking aroudn somewhere familiar (blair would be my guess),
and it's raining dogs and sheep. (not literally) And I'm walking aroudn looking for soemthing,
didn't know what... As I'm crossing a bridge, across the way, I see a giant cloud of water and
stuff shoot across the road. There is a flash flood... I begin to run away and this black feller
says 'Flash flood, ruuunnn!'. I am, of course, armed. Something terrifying (don't know what) is
starting to come after me, so I whip out my pair of glocks, and am running down the road,
away from the water, towards the bad thing, and I'm trying, desparado-style, to aim forward
without aiming at my buddy... he's tryign to tell me what to do to not get hurt in a flash flood,
and I say 'I can't remember' and eh says 'why?' and I say 'my friggin' brain is clogged with stuff
like the my little pony theme song', which I then proceed to sing. It was wierd

I had another large, firm p00 last night. I think that I have cancer or something. It's just
terrible.

I had this dream last night where I was in a retard camp, and I had to k1ll all fo these retards
and bury them, and I was all pissed off becuse I wanted to brun them instead of burying them.
The problem with the k1lling of the retards was that I had to sho0t them instead of hitting
them with a shovel or a bat or something, and every time I f1red off a round, the retards would
panic and I'd have ot calm them down and herd them back into the little pen.
Wierd, huh?

On a tangential note, I read somewhere that if you regularly remember your dreams without
effort (lucid dreaming techniques, mnemonic rememberance techniques and the ilk) you aren't
getting enough sleep. Like I needed to know that to tell me I was getting bad sleep.

And if you have little ridges on your fingernails running along the same axis as your fingernails,
you're stressed out. Once again, duh.

And what is it in my life that's so stressful? I don't rightly know. Perhaps it's the overbearing
sense (both inter and extra-imposed) that I am a big fat failure in so very many facets of my
life. Blea. It just sorts of eats away at you and makes a person 'slowly and then all of a
sudden' fall into this pit of poo ness.

So 'full of promise' and what have I done with that promise? Squandered it. I was given all of
these opporitunities: Blair, education, traveling the country, the connections and the intellect
ot be able to get into an Ivy leauge school, supportive family (over supportive?). And what
have I done with all fo this? I have failed at every turning point, I have woven a web of lies, I
have made rash decisions that will end up affecting me for the rest of my life, and now what
am I? Just some loser who lives with a buddy from high school (no offense meant to you), is
getting inexplicably fatter with every passing day, doesn't have anything to look forward to in
his life anymore (UO2? I mean come on, get a life, as$h0le.), no woman (and doesn't really
know what he wants, except for a little slice, so that would just be disaster), I'm getting
constantly lazier and all of these people who drain little bits of my life away are just killing
me... slowly... a minute at a time.

Jesus. I hate the holidays.

-----Original Message-----
From: Mangum Josh [mailto:Josh.Mangum@stdavids.com]
Sent: Tuesday, January 02, 2001 10:20 AM
To: Pierce, Brant (Broadwing)
Subject: another world, another time, this land was green and good,
until the crystal cracked

yes, i too am in great deals of pain right now... and i was 45 minutes late.
the extra sleep was so verymuch needed though.

I feel the need to have explocive dhiareah all over my self at the moment,
but i am refraining. I just farted... i dont think they noticed.

people are coming to me with scheduling issues. They are wanting to blame
me for mistakes that were made, but wisely they are deciding its not a good
plan. Seeing as the mistakes were their fault in assuming that i know all
kinds of things that nobody ever bothered to tell me. Fark em. You dont
tell me, i dont know. Knowledge does not travel by osmosis and i am far
from a psychic. And you can shove it up your tight lil bung if you believe
otherwise and or have complaints. File them under subject heading RECTUM.

Oy got in his box with no coaxing today,,, just set the treat in there and
he wobbled on in. But yelped as i was walking through the parkinglot. such
an odd critter.

In other news... my grungy bastart, military brat, theatre rat, worthless,
slackerly, former roommate has gradutated trinity is and going on to bloody
gawd dam farkin lawschool. Yeah i really and honestly didnt need to know
that. Christo i wana jerk the wheel into abutments and such now. THis is
terrrible.

oh well, back to work.

can you scootch the trashcan into the parkinglot when you are on lunch
break? i saw a few out,,, mebe those hos at the garbage station have
decided to go back to work.

You were even later than I was... My frockin' brain hurts... I don't want to go, and I think I'm
going to play hooky tomorrow.. Have me a 3 day work week and a 4 day weekend... oh, yeah.

Oy does not like alarm clocks much at all. I was in repeated snooze mode this morning and I'd
open my eyes to see what was happening, and he would first look at the one that was going
off, and then, when the other went off, he'd whip his little head around to see what the deal
was with the other one. Weird little fckuer.

Why are there no good movies coming out? The closest thing to a movie I want to see tyhat is
currently in theatres is Chicken Run and maybe maybe maybe space cowboys, both at the
dollar. Oh, yeah and Dracula 2K, which, well, you know.

I was thinking about it, and there is no way that we can pick cosmo up from the airport
because he refused to give me the info and I don't have contact information for where he is...
What a freak. I guess he can just take the cab, then.

Blea..I'm gonig home for lunch now, and not coming back for a while.

Foxnews said that the not guilty plea is automatic in a 'capital murder' case, whatever the heck
that means.

I saw that thing about the 7 breaker outer dudes... they left a not after breaking into the
prison arsenal that said 'you ahven't seen the last of us'... And they aren't running for the
border, they're coming north.. weird.

john Mellencamp keyboardist? What?

okay, I got a phone call from a headhunter today... it was fukcin' wierd.. "Broadwing, this is
brant"
Hello Mr. Pierce, I was wondering if you had a minute to chat.
Sure, I got all day, who is this?
This is arglefargle from vandelay industries.
Okay, and how can I help you.
How's your job treating you?
Pretty good.
you making good money?
Ummm, sure
How would you like to double your salary?
Ummm... sure
Well, blablabla

More later, still have x amount of work to complete before the day is over.

b

tae diggs to Jay mohr in go
mohr to lloyd bridges in Mafia! (heh, it was playing last month on encore)
bridges to charlie sheen in hot shots (I could also go cary elwes and get there faster, but I've
never done sheen)
sheen to Hank rollins in chase
hank to pacino/deniro in heat..

N-i-i-i-i-ce...And I did that one without cheating.. remembering bridges in mafia was the
sticker.

I've got one for you-- Do Jeremy Irons without Die Hard adn using John Malcovich.

not too shabby, hoss...you get bonus points for sheen to sheen..

-----Original Message-----
From: Mangum Josh [mailto:Josh.Mangum@stdavids.com]
Sent: Friday, December 22, 2000 1:23 PM
To: Pierce, Brant (Broadwing)
Subject: argle

So i've had a busy morning... and the afernoon is going to suck too.... must
not just leave early but its so tempting... i mean i'm leaving early... but
i;m talking like 2... that would be excessive

anyway here we go... Linda Blair...

To Max Vonsyndow in Exorcist
Max to Arnold in Conan
Arnond to bill paxton in true lies
paxton to ice tea in Trespass
Tea to rutget hauer in Surviving the game
Hauer to Ford in Bladerunner
Ford to martin sheen in Apoc. Now
Sheen to sheen in Wall Street
Sheen the younger to Dermot Mulrooney in young guns
mulrooney to bridget fonda in Point of NO return..

balto

gary sinese was in quick and the dead yes?
or you could use sharon stone and go through douglas to martin sheen in
American President

Or through Annette benning in AMer pres... she links to bruce willis in the
Siege

Sigourney Weaver to Lance Hendrickson in Aliens
Hendrickson to Kieth David in Quick and the Dead
David to Vin Deisel in Pitch Black
Deisel to Ben Affleck in Boiler Room
Affleck to gweneth paltrow in Duets (I know taht sucks, but it makes the rest fun)
paltrow to hank azaria in Great Expectations
Azaria to Jeremy Piven in grosse point blank
Piven to Cage in The Family Man
Cage to Duval and....

(I cheated for the last half to make it fun, but I was reading a review and saw vin diesel in
boiler room and backfilled from there.)
Now, pop quiz: You could make this into a 3 step by using gary sinise....where?

when I bite into a york (c) peppermint patty, I get the sensation of a little hispanic elf
sprinkling cool water on my butt... SHUT THE FCKU UP! Whatchoo lookin' at, motherfckuer?

-----Original Message-----
From: Mangum Josh [mailto:Josh.Mangum@stdavids.com]
Sent: Thursday, December 21, 2000 9:57 AM
To: Pierce, Brant (Broadwing)
Subject: RE: sneeearrfff

[Mangum Josh] imdb says they are only using Low men and one of the other
stories... not all 4.. but still... and the fact that the book was so
bizarre... i think thats going to be either left out or amplified in the
movie... and both of those are bad things.

Not sure about stud city, www.stephenking.com has a bit more to say on the
matter.

So i clock in at 8:28 this morning, and then realize that i left that stupid
dessert container at home. Bossman is taking the week off starting today
and was going to swing by just to pick up the dish. So i remained clocked
in and went back home to get it. I had to fight an epic battle not to go
upstairs and nap. I was telling myself all sorts of pretty lies. That it
would only be 10 or 15 minutes... so i ran out of the house as quick as i
could so as not to sleep the rest of the day. or even part of it... just
bad policy.
So i get back here and have been snoozing since 5 after 9. sigh...

I must say that Oy doesnt appreciate pop ins at all. He always causes quite
a rukus when i leave again.

Shes 7? gawd dam! she was bloody 1 when i left.. just drooling allover
herself and such. poopin in her pants. Shes almost old enough to drive for
chrsitsakes... i dont approve of that at all

So I'm just sitting here minding my own business, loving the fact that nobody reall knows what
it is that I'm supposed to be doing... Cynthia din't get here until about 9:15 and ray wasn't here
until 8:45. The only person I've had to deal with so far is the mouthbreather, and all I had to
do with her is say 'I'll be with you when I get a chance', which, of course, could be any time
today. heh.

I don't really see how hearts of atlantis is goign to be a movie worth a sh1t, but should be
interesting to see what mr. hopkins has to do with Ted Brautigan. The novel is just too far-
reaching in scope to be able to squeeze it into a 2.5 hour movie. I mean, hell, the stand was
crap adn it was fifteen hours long.

I heard they had a space program, when you sing they can't hear, there's no air.

Ahh, the joys of talking to Agnieszka... She is just such a hippie, it makes me want to
cry. Her politics and mine are just so very different from one another, it drives me nuts. We aren't even on teh same planey when it comes to politics. She did, however, break up with Cap'n Nick, so that's one good thing. She saw the
browses on the train the other day, and annalise is 7 now.. Pretty danm scary, if you ask me. I
mean, she was just a baby when you left blair, she barely could talk when I left... And now
she's walking, talking and making complete sentances.. Sort of freaks me out.

I dunno... I'm getting too old, too fast. I'm going to pretend to work now.

I will respond at length later. Just got an order from on high that I have to import 4673 (!) files
intot his database...and, as far as I can tell, I'm going to have to do it manually.
And, ask me this: How long were you given to do this?
My answer, of course, is 2 HOURS.

Yeah, I told them that they could dream on.

Currently on brant's launchcast: Eddie Murphy, Hit by a car.

-----Original Message-----
From: Mangum Josh [mailto:Josh.Mangum@stdavids.com]
Sent: Wednesday, December 20, 2000 10:50 AM
To: Pierce, Brant (Broadwing)
Subject: sneeearrfff

People are talking about colostomy bags in here right now... I'm trying not
to laugh, but i think i'm going to hel anyway.

stupid californians evidently cant figure out how to turn their fax machines
on. I'd offer to drive over there and rectify the situation, but i dont
think work would approve.

I'm sure it will not please you to know that sevral Stephen King movies are
in various stages of production. Hearts in Atlantis is underway with
Anthony Hopkins cast for Ted Brautigan. Thats a bit odd. Also in the works
is Stud City i belive based on a short story, as well as The Girl Who Loved
Tom Gordon. We should see them all for full price on opening night.

If you are making any transportation arrangements for the mornings, I should
be home for the rest of the week so morning transport wont be a problem.

Going to try and motivate to finish shopping this afternoon... bloody going
to suck... christmas sucks... this computer sucks... Was at Walmart last
night round 11 and it was insane... stores of all varieties are going to be
locked down for the rest of this week... if we need anyuthing i'd suggest
tonight.

anyway I dont have any work to do, so Vladamir the Longwinded is my name for
this hour. ANd dont you forget it, chump.

I come from a predominantly black family, and I don't have any relatives named buckwheat.

Yeah, they aren't anything special at all. Perhaps they just made them more flexible in the
horizontal so that they would appear to be all soft and tasty whwen they are actually flavored
cardboard.

State fair.. that was me being random for the day.

No scoop on the insurance so far as of yet, she wasn't in her office for call #1, so I'm gonig to
call her soon. Stupid bint.

Well, I think I'm going to end up taking the Pierce easy and fresh solution to problems with
regard to xmas: Sit at home and drink and play with the dog and hate life.

I *might* be able to get the car fixed up by the end of this weekend, but probably no so much
that I would be able to drive it at night. The lights are a solid afternoon's worth of wiring
work. easy, but time comsuming.

Blea. I hate this time of year. I think I'm going to sick out for the rest of the day. The rest of
the week. The rest of the year. The rest of my life... Yeha.

posted by John Watson at 4.1.01