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Wednesday, April 25
Update on the CNN thing: turns out it was
the real deal. Mark from Polyvision TV Watching*, an excellent
fellow, has decided to lay that VHS tape on us free of charge.
It was actually CNNfn, where someone from eTour (the guys who
brought Mahir to America) went on and talked about us and a couple
of other sites. Groovy. That's why we got all those emails at
the end of March.
Thanks for the tape, Mark. The chances that we'll offer the streaming
video of the show on our site are slim, due to the technical
limitations of the team. Ah, well. At least we'll have some fine
times sitting around the TV and watching it at buzzkiller HQ,
once we get that thing built.
*The company hooked us up with the tape
and then asked us to not use their name. Okay.
posted by Red
Worm| 4/25/2001 10:22:13 AM
Monday, April 2
We received an email this morning alleging
that buzzkiller.net had been featured on CNN on Friday and offering
to send us the videotape for $187.50. A day-late April Fool's
trick?:
> >> From: Mark@polyvisiontvw.com
> >> Reply-to: Mark@polyvisiontvw.com
> >> To: teeth@buzzkiller.net
> >> Subject: Segment on CNN
> >> Date: Mon, 2 Apr 2001 11:02:56 -0400
> >>
> >> Hello,
> >>
> >> On Friday, Buzzkiller.net was featured on CNN.
Our company, Polyvision TV Watching*, is a nationwide monitoring
service that offers video clips and digital delivery to companies
that are featured on television. I would be happy to send you
a professional copy of the segment on VHS tape and via digital
delivery. The cost is $120.75 for a VHS copy, or $287.50 for
VHS with digital delivery (RealPlayer) which I can have to you
as soon as this afternoon.
> >>
> >> If this is of interest to you let me know, and
I can simply bill you for what you need.
> >>
> >> Thank you,
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >> Mark
> >> Polyvision TV Watching*
> >> www.pvisiontvw.com
*Name of company changed in exchange
for them hooking us up with the videotape. We were saddened that
they feared being mentioned on our site, but we really wanted
the tape.
posted by Red
Worm| 4/2/2001 06:23:35 PM
Tuesday, February 13
The site was mysteriously mangled. eEzD
raised the alarm. Our main page, buzzsaw.html, had somehow disappeared.
So had this blogger page. Hmm. We'd suspect foul play, but we
can't figure out who on earth would have a motive to mess with
the site. We fixed it. Oh, yes, we're taking precautions. You
betcha.
posted by Red
Worm| 2/13/2001 09:33:40 AM
Thursday, February 8
[A-ha! This just in from "Steve Jones,"
the journalist who posted that ridiculous query to Prof Net on
behalf of Vice Magazine. As suspected, "jones" was
and agent provocateur, fishing for credulous buzzword-mongers
-- and finding them.]
Date: Sun, 4 Feb 2001 02:02:06 -0500
(EST)
From: steve jones
To: redworm@buzzkiller.net
Subject: Vice Magazine ProfNet
Hello,
I just checked your site for the first
time in a long while and I wanted to let you know that the ProfNet
I sent for Vice magazine was indeed a load of hooey. I did it
to see how many people would respond sincerely. In the end I
only received two responses calling my bullshit, out of a total
of roughly 20 responses. The rest were "legitimate"
pitches.
I sent it for a story I was working
on at the time, but never finished. If it ever makes the page,
I'll be sure to let you know.
Best,
"Steve Jones"
[note: No wonder he abandoned the story.
The obliviousness to buzz badness exhibited by 90% of his respondents
would have been soul-crushing to anyone with an innate faith
in human nature.]
posted by Red
Worm| 2/8/2001 10:14:22 AM
Tuesday, January 23
[This stern rant astutely identifies
buzzword abuse as the root of the recent tech sector meltdown]
Subject: You are not the only victims
To: teeth@buzzkiller.net
From: gordonrm@notes.cba.ufl.edu
Date: Tue, 23 Jan 2001 18:56:16
I would be less concerned than I am
if the problems you identify were limited to incompetent flaks.
After all, it's easy to ignore them, and, as most people do ignore
them, they cause little harm.
Unfortunately, the problems have spread
to the real world where real people try to raise real money and
consume real assets that might otherwise be dedicated to something
productive. These real people, many of whom otherwise are smart,
waste their time producing business plans for start-ups that
actually are based on useful, viable technologies but which go
into the recycling pile because they tell us nothing meaningful
about the technologies.
I don't know if this is because they
view venture capitalists as Pavlovian-trained lemmings who respond
best to buzz words or because they hire flaks to edit "marketing-oriented"
business plans. Whatever the cause, the shame is that decent
engineers with decent ideas that they could articulate reasonably
well produce "polished" business plans that incite
no interest.
Keep up the fun.
posted by Red
Worm| 1/23/2001 06:25:46 PM
Thursday, December 14
{Just in: an observation or two from
the Great White North, pointing the finger at the media.
I must agree that once a buzzword makes the jump from press release
or marketing materials to editorial territory, all is lost. I
think the leading vector of lexical infection must be analysts.
Analysts and consultants.}
Dear Buzzkiller,
Just a few random observations on the rise of buzzwords:
Do you think Wired magazine should take any responsibility for
the dramatic rise in buzzwords since the early-1990s? That Wired
Style Guide--published by Wired's book publishing arm HardWired--couldn't
have helped anyone. It argued that jargon is *good*. Should they
be held responsible for reparations--say, bundling a copy of
Strunk & White's Elements of Style 3rd Edition along with Wired
Style?
The current crop of e-business magazines (Fast Company, Business
2.0, The Industry Standard, etc.) have mastered the editorial
voice of the
knowledgeable insider--the same voice pioneered by pop culture
mags decades ago. Since they have to appeal to their audience
of under-35 "e-preneurs" (gag) and older VCs who should
know better, do you think we'll ever see plain English within
their pages? Is there a way to force these mags to grow up, say,
forcing the editors to read their own back issues so they can
see how trendy and silly they sound in retrospect? I look forward
to hearing your thoughts.
Just sign me,
Nostalgic for English in Canada
posted by Red
Worm| 12/14/2000 04:27:15 PM
Thursday, October 19
Here's a model pitch. It came from a real
flack in NYC who surfs long Island and knows his way around the
wheels of steel.
" You know of course mobile computing will enable end-users
or early adapter road-warrior knowledge workers pervasive access
to mission critical corporate data anywhere, anytime. Think about
it - trade stocks and take a dump at the same time. Have sex
with your wife and still track that shipping order to Singapore.
Or email your wife with a wireless device that sends from your
work email address while you have sex with your girlfriend."
Talk about making pitches relevant!
posted by Red
Worm| 10/19/2000 12:52:24 PM
Having re-read the message
below and having done a bit more investigating as to the nature
of Vice Magazine, I believe that the message posted on ProfNet
was a hoax, a trick, a trap. Therefore, this Steve Jones, if
he exists, or his creator deserves props for tossing that spanner
into the PR machine.
posted
by Red Worm| 10/19/2000 12:43:13
PM
Tuesday, October 3
As has been pointed
out in the past, we in the press are often just as guilty
as flacks of perpetuating buzzwords. But what in the name of
Hanuman, the monkey deity, was this reporter thinking when he
posted this to ProfNet?:
> **4. E-TAILING AND VORTAL DEVELOPMENT - VICE MAGAZINE. For
a special
> technology supplement, I would like to talk to leaders in
the dot.com
> industry about the best-of-breed, turnkey b-to-b solutions
providers using
> the ASP model to leverage end-to-end click-and-mortars for
e-tailing and
> vortal development. Vice is a free monthly magazine circulated
throughout
> North America and England in clothing stores, music stores,
coffee shops and
> other businesses. Need leads by October 29. >>>
Steve Jones
> [c::9/26:2825]
Before we flog our first brother, we need to find out if this
is for real. Anyone respond to this request? Or was this some
sort of desperate attempt to get noticed by the Saw? Let us know.
posted by eEZD
| 10/3/2000 10:18:04 AM
Wednesday, September 27
I added a bran-spanky new buzz term to the
Buzz Board today, bypassing the on-deck circle. The term is "architecting,"
a degenerate gerund derived from a non-existent verb.
posted by Red
Worm| 9/27/2000 03:21:18 PM
Wednesday, August 30
Here, verbatim, is the subject line of an
email received this morning: "Let's Talk Professional Services
Supply Chain Apps.-- more specifically, Collections Management."
Let's! What is it about subject lines that turns even the best
PR professionals into buzzword-crazy hacks? Why not take a page
from the NY Post, which today ran the headline "The Bride
Wore Blues" over a story about newlyweds who left their
gifts in the back of a cab? I'll read that.
posted by eEZD
| 8/30/2000 08:28:21 AM
Tuesday, August 29
Just received this from a PR director at
a major telco:
> Please add "end user" to your list of horrific
buzz words!
> I've hated it for 20 years and I still hate it today.
> What, I ask, is wrong with the word "customer?"
> Or, God forbid, "person?"
>
> I recently had the joy of editing a release that used the
phrase
> "successful end user experience." You have to
wonder ...
> do people who write like that ever have sex?
> And if they do ... do they consider an orgasm a
> "successful end user experience?"
Excellent points. We hate to inject
morality in to the Buzz Saw, but shouldn't phrases like that
be left in the bedroom? Consider "end user" officially
banned.
posted by eEZD
| 8/29/2000 08:02:47 AM
Monday, August 28
As our consultants have told us many times,
the Buzz Saw's core competency is in the thriving B2C buzzword
space. However, when notified by one of our readers of a bizarre
intraB buzzword, we couldn't help but post the letter. Read here to learn about the-soon-to-be-dreaded
E>Tizing.
posted by eEZD
| 8/28/2000 06:44:40 AM
Tuesday, August 22
Added a page
that shows where the site has been written about. It is too okay
to end a sentence in a preposition, isn't it, Fight Club?
Also, the historical debate over the
origin of the phrase "open the kimono" continues.
posted by Red
Worm| 8/22/2000 08:00:06 PM
Tuesday, August 15
Added a new love letter to the letters
page.
posted by eEZD
| 8/15/2000 07:19:57 AM
A follower has asked us to
make "enterprise" a buzzword, noting, "It's a
starship, not a way to define a product market."
Thoughts? send them to teeth@buzzkiller.net.
posted
by eEZD | 8/15/2000 07:04:00
AM
Tuesday, August 8
A reader writes: "Thank you for including
'solution(s)' as a buzzword that desperately needs to die. When
I recently received a letter that used the word eleven times
in 1-1/2 pages of text, I wrote the company in return and reminded
them that another definition of 'solution' is something that
is diluted or watered down. I then asked them if they appreciated
having their products looked upon from that perspective.
The press certainly tends to proliferate buzzwords. I go crazy
when I hear a journalist use the word 'literally' when he really
means 'figuratively', for instance, which seems to happen a lot....
I believe that many use buzzwords to try to sound trendy and
smart, but to me, they sound derivative and redundant. Thank
you again for pointing out these overused terms"
You're welcome.
posted by Red
Worm| 8/8/2000 02:45:02 PM
The following exchange provides
a glimpse into the byzantine workings of the Buzz Saw filter
and the ideology behind those workings. Bonus: some positive
feedback from the Buzz Saw for a change.
>> From: "Andrew
Sprung"
>> Organization: Andrew Sprung Public Relations
>> Reply-To: "Andrew Sprung"
>> Date: Wed, 12 Jul 2000 14:55:26 -0400
>> To: "The Buzz Saw"
>> Subject: Re: Giants crowd into e-comm services for small
biz
>>
>>I believe the buzz saw is applied indiscriminately.
>
>Mr. Sprung,
>This is a serious charge indeed. The Buzz Saw is governed
by a
>set of hand-crafted operational instructions which cause
it to
>detect buzzwords and react. Ruthless, perhaps, but not
>indiscriminate.
>When the graphics-bloated page finishes downloading, you
will see
>a list of terms that the Buzz Saw is instructed to regard
as
>undesirable. One of the words,"rob*st," appears
in your
>"Giants crowd into..." email. Another term, "best
of bre*d,"
>appears in your "100,000 e-stores..." email (props
to you,
>however, for lively use of the words "festooned"
and "jacked").
posted
by Red Worm| 8/8/2000 02:25:01 PM
We can't help but reminisce
about the time USA Today declared us a Hot New Site (see 8/7/00
post). Sadly, the paper has since moved on to newer, hotter sites,
leaving us off the list. It's true what The Boss says: "Glory
day, it'll pass you by."
However, while Buzzkiller.net is no longer considered hot by
the nation's paper of record, it will forever remain lukewarm
thanks to the Hot
New Site archive.
posted
by eEZD | 8/8/2000 07:29:14 AM
Monday, August 7
Just received this email: "Your web
site is interesting - but would be more so if you offered alternatives
for the words you so clearly hate -- jessica michaud, v.p. marketing
and public relations, nex-i.com."
Jessica, we respectfully disagree: the purpose of buzzword eradication
is not to replace one buzzword with another. However, in good
faith, we offer this fix: Instead of "interactive,"
why not try "horse-drawn carriage"?
posted by eEZD
| 8/7/2000 06:11:14 PM
Welcome to the Inner Saw: the
place where we let you know what's new at the Buzz Saw. To day's
big news: we've added this page. Also, we've been selected by
USA Today as a Hot
New Site. The good fight continues.
posted
by eEZD | 8/7/2000 04:36:09 PM
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