If ever there was a calling card for those who choose to leave their phones off the hook and under pillows...

You were wrong

When you said, "everything's going to be alright."
-------------------------------------------

you always look at me from above.
you always laugh at me from above.

one last thing: in June, we were in New York at a Chinese restaurant called the Cottage. I remember receiving a certain fortune in my fortune cookie that professed better times ahead.

It's been three months. I'm still waiting and hoping for a change. Maybe it's me that has to change. I hope not, because I don't know if I'm still young enough to try.
posted by The Keepsake at 2:53 AM

Three Minutes and Thirty-five Second Chances

late at night. my throat burns. too many pills. they're not working anymore. neither am i. i think i've been in denial for two months now, but i've stopped functioning as a living, breathing organism.

i go to class, i come home, back to class, maybe i see a friend. but it's not me. i'm not there. i'm just tagging along with someone else that does the thinking for me; someone who's making the right decisions for his agenda, not mine.

you fall, you break.

i don't see anyone anymore. i don't see allie or cory. i don't see the rest of my band. i don't see the friends i used to try so hard to keep.

maybe i'm just depressed. why do i decide to only record my thoughts late at night when i'm way too depressed for words?

the late fees on this shell are coming due.
posted by The Keepsake at 2:49 AM

and with more to offer than you bargained for

there's something wrong with me, stuck in this town, and i know it's my own fault. everything's my fault. she says, "if you want something badly enough, you'll get it." not sure i would have had her say it that way or write it in a letter; it's better than the truth that i'm afraid to stand up on my feet again.

theresa's in alabama studying psychiatry. god knows what happened to craig. colin's a scientist businessman on the popline. dan's doing standup in boston. i've lost them all to the changing seasons or calendar days. jeff's out in europe and he's been drunk for days. and everyone else but me's not alone. i'm home and alone and there's no other way i'd have it.
posted by The Keepsake at 5:04 PM

ok.

there's this beautiful fucking girl named kelly hewitt. only she doesn't know it. she doesn't have a clue how gorgeous she is.

how do you tell someone that would never believe you that they're beautiful?

how the room lights up when she's in it and how everyone stops speaking when she smiles...

how she's the last thing you think of every night because you hope that if you go to sleep with a good thought you'll awake to a good day...
posted by The Keepsake at 12:08 AM

And So Much More

diluted sinking softly slowly always holding tighter dearly never forgive remind me what's been disapproved been disabused

drinking more and often fainting holding back or hesitating to confess or get this burden gone.....
posted by The Keepsake at 1:27 AM

Jesus

help me find my special place
posted by The Keepsake at 1:31 AM

Back from tour

Has it almost been a month? That's crazy, I guess. Nothing much has changed. We kicked out our drummer. I still can't find a way to sleep. I got really sick when I got home. Marci is my friend again.

I can't seem to take care of my body!

And I can't seem to find away to get the girl. She didn't even return my calls.

Oh well. It's nothing new that I'm a loser.
posted by The Keepsake at 3:00 AM

Fashion Bleeds

Went to going-away party 2 of 2 tonight. I had fun...I think. I don't know that I'm completely aware of what that means.

Girl dissed me today. Ouch! Thanks for calling and all.

Casey is a good bass player and a cool guy.

Well this is going to be my last entry until after tour so if anyone reads this have a good life and don't do any drugs and please don't take anything on here too seriously.

posted by The Keepsake at 3:02 AM