I'm home, thanks to Dana for blogging for me earlier. I've seen so many people writing about wanting to return to normal, and I can't disagree with them, but there's nothing normal going on here, I have no way to get back to normal.
To get down to my office (view map of it's location relation to the WTC site), I took the subway. It creeped me out to go down there, creeped me out more when the train slowed to a crawl to pass by the WTC stop. The thought of being under there was just so scary. Emerging onto the street (map of approximate location of subway stop) was like walking into the middle of a war zone. The air was thick with smoke and that burning smell that's cleared away from areas further uptown. Police officers every 10 feet, rescue workers running around frantically, National Guardsmen on every corner. The only vehicles on the streets were police cars, electric company trucks, and military vehicles. Scattered in front of the many buildings were huge power generators the size of semi's which filled the streets with loud noises.
I approached the building and came upon one of my co-workers. I heard the first of many tales of those who were in the office on Tuesday morning. Many had seen the second plane crash right from their office windows. They evacuated the building just after that, but when they got down to the street and the first building collapsed, the debris scattered so far that it covered them. The burning smell was in the air in the office building. Very few people were there and very little real work was being done.
I spent a while talking with people and working a bit, and then ventured back out to go home. A secretary had given me a surgical mask, which made things much easier. I couldn't face the subway again, so I decided to take the only bus that was running in the area. I had no idea where it would end me up, I just knew it would take me north and away from the awful scene. I hate the bus, it's so slow, it stops every three feet, and it takes forever to get anywhere. And driving through the streets was not fun either. I finally was north enough, though on the totally wrong side of town, that I got off the bus and caught a cab the rest of the way home.
This is what "normal" will be like for me for a long time.
Faith asked me to drop in and let you all know that she's back at work today and doing okay, but unfortunately has no Internet access there. She was quite unnerved by the sights on the ride down but seemed in good spirits once she got to the office, despite the horrid smell and lack of 'net access. Send out lots of positive thoughts and energy her way, everyone!
Today was just too much. Dad ordered me away from the TV and out of the house, but there was nowhere to go to get away from it. Everywhere I tried, it just slapped me right in the face. The big hole in the sky is indescribable. I simply don't have the words.
I've again busied myself with Flash movies today (this one's a bit over 1meg, just deal with it). All pictures in this one were taken by my wonderful little baby 6'5" brother David (aka Dr. Dumbass). Please do not pinch them, but please do pass along the sentiment.
It was so wonderful to gather with my closest friends this evening, but it didn't go far enough. I had another burst into tears episode, though it was much easier with loving people around to comfort me. They've set a date for a memorial service for Larry, this coming Friday. It hurts.
There's so very much more I want to write here, to get out, to throw away so that I don't have to carry it around anymore, but that's just not happening. Sticking to the factual accounts is the best I can do right now.
They've opened up lower Manhattan east of Broadway, and so I'll be headed, somehow, down to my office on Monday. I'm terrified of going down there, not for personal safety reasons, but because I simply just don't want to see what it's like down there. But I have to go, because I have a job to do. I'm just not ready though. I'm not ready to see it up close. To look upon the rubble with my own eyes. To see the changed landscape of the place I've worked for 9 years. I hate to ask more of all of you who have been so kind already, but please please send me the strength to go down there Monday. Right now, I don't know how I'm going to do it.
I'll be heading to a friend's apartment soon, we're all getting together for the first time in a long time. Busy schedules and work and all those things seem so unimportant now.
"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say, You helped this happen." Jerry Falwell - Sept. 13, 2001 via Jon.
I've limited the posts on this blog to descriptive accounts of what is actually happening here in New York. I haven't commented further, in part because I'm still unable to come up with words, in part because I'm very aware that many people are looking here, four times more than usual.
But I read this quote above from the infinitely stupid Rev. Falwell, and am now seeing reports of many attacks on Arabic Americans occuring across the country.
And I am appalled.
I am appalled that at a time when we are facing the worst attack ever on this country, people are turning their anger inward.
I am appalled that at a time when I have seen New Yorkers, considered the most ornery and unfriendly folks on the planet by many, are behaving like angels, not only those involved in rescue operations, but the rest of us who are operating with no police supervision, people elsewhere in this country are attacking fellow citizens.
I am appalled that anyone could even consider that anyone in this country should bear any blame for what happened on Tuesday.
I am appalled that the vile face of discrimination isn't hanging it's head in shame for what it's done, but is out in full force.
My regular readers have heard me talk about the tobacco shop across the street from my apartment. It is owned by a group of Lebanese men, one of whom has that real traditional scraggly beard look of an Arabic man. These are nice men, men who treat Boris like a little god, giving him treats, massages, and fake IDs (yeah, Boris really needs fake IDs). Men who great me warmly every evening, who would give me a pack of cigarettes even if I walk in there with no money. Men who have established themselves as members of this neighborhood. They are now scared. And I'm scared for them. When I saw them tonite for the first time, they all asked how I was, but I was so much more concerned with how they are. They're scared, they're nervous, they're Americans scared of other Americans.
Wake up people. Our enemies are out there, they are not in here. Shake the hand of your Arabic neighbor. Turn the TV off when you hear Falwell and company railing against the non-Christians of our country.
This post is not open for debate. Comments are enabled, but anything that pisses me off will be deleted immediately. Go spread your hate elsewhere. I will not tolerate it.
I didn't have a candle, but I wrapped my stars & stripes bandana around my hair and headed outside. There was a large group of people gathered on 7th Avenue holding candles and singing songs. I stood for a while and sang with them through the tears. A man who was leaving asked me if I would like his candle, I took it an thanked him. I stood for a while longer staring into the flame and struggling to keep singing. After a bit I handed the candle to girl who was standing and crying just as I was. She thanked me as I had thanked the man who handed it to me, and I walked off toward home.
Boris and I headed out for our evening walk. While standing on the corner of Bleecker & 7th Avenue, a caravan of ambulances and police vehicles passed by. I joined with everyone else standing on the corner waving and cheering at those brave souls.
With the continued building collapses and threatened collapses this afternoon, the smoke up here is thicker than it has been; the burning smell is overwhelming. Of those on the streets, practically all are wearing surgical masks or bandanas tied around their mouths. It was so bad I went into one of those tacky NYC souvenier shops that no New Yorker would normally enter to buy a bandana. Picked up a stars and stripes one, and had to also get the WTC sno-globe and key chain along with a flag or two. It seemed like the thing do to.
The super of my building and his family are from Malta, been here about two years. They hung an enormous American flag out the window of their apartment which is right over the entrance to the building. There are flags flying from every business that is open and from countless apartment buildings. Stores have put up signs with words of support and encouragement. Most everyone is walking around with a camera.
Amidst all these people walking around half dazed are those that I just can't figure out. They're sitting at outdoor cafes eating lunch or having drinks. The air is so horrid, I don't know what these people are thinking. Life goes on I guess, somewhat. At least even my insane firm is dealing with this as humanely as they can do anything. My boss is working again today, but I put my foot down on him for that one.
My brother has sent me a photo of his missing friend and I'm trying to locate some official websites where I can have him listed. Please let me know if you know where any are. Don't ask why I can't find them. I'm pretty braindead.
The thing that hits you first when you walk outside is the burning smell. You can't see it here, but you can smell and taste it. It dries out the back of your throat when you breathe it in for a while. Everything below 14th Street is closed down. No cars, few people, very still. The only sounds still are those of sirens and of helicopters flying over head, with the occasional F-16 buzzing by. It really is a war zone. As I approached 6th Avenue, the dread of looking up into that hole filled me. I turned the corner and looked right to see nothing but clear blue sky. Had one not know what should have been there, it would have looked completely normal. I was overcome.
As I walked up 6th Avenue toward the place I was to work today it was shocking. A fight broke out between a man trying to steal flowers and the deli owner. Screaming hit a fever pitch. For the first time ever, I saw onlookers step in to break up the mess. They all screamed at the theif until he was chased away. As I approached 14th Street, I was confronted with a roadblock. Men in uniforms from every imaginable armed service were blocking the road to cars. After 14th Street, there were still scant few cars driving around.
When leaving work, which was the most ridiculous experience by the way, I managed to catch a cab to get at least part-way home. Amazingly, no price gouging, no haggling, nothing. He took me as far as 7th Avenue and 14th Street. But 7th Avenue was blocked off even to pedestrians, St. Vincent's hospital is just below there and it's off limits. I walked back over the 6th Avenue with all the people being turned away.
As I walked back down 6th Avenue, the shock hit me again. Dumptrucks full of the debris of the WTC were driving up the road in a steady stream. I called Patti on my cell phone to prevent myself from a complete meltdown there in the street. By the time I got home my throat ached from the air, I was shell shocked and weary. After a short while of TV, during which I saw the footage of the FIRST plane that hit the WTC which scared me more than anything I've seen so far, I retired to the couch and slept a good long sleep.
Thanks to everyone for your continued support and good thoughts. Its helping more than you know. My brother's friend is still missing, though we haven't lost hope. He located a few people from the place he worked in a hospital last night, so there is hope that he's somewhere.
Home from work. More to come later on my trek up there and the condition of the City. For now, I wanted to post this:
From a Canadian newspaper:
America: The Good Neighbor.
Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record:
"This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth.
Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States.
When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.
When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.
The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans.
I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes?
Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon - not once, but several times and safely home again.
You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.
When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke.
I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.
Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those."
My sister-in-law just told me my brother and his friends have gone out to the triage centers in search of their missing friend. I hope they find him, I'm scared that they won't. It will destroy my brother, his best friend since he was about 6.
The phone rang at 9am on the dot. Dad calling to wake me up as I'd asked. He said, "a plane crashed into the World Trade Center." I thought, yeah, right, whatever, and asked him to call me back in ten minutes so I could get a bit more shut-eye. And then it hit me.......WHAAAAAA???? I called him back and he told me to turn on the TV. I was watching the crash on NBC when in just a few minutes out of nowhere, the second plane came. At first I didn't see that it was a second plane, but soon it became very clear what happened.
I felt as if I was in some sequel to Independence Day. I threw some food in a bowl for Boris, threw on some clothes, grabbed the camera and ran out onto the street. People were standing on 6th Avenue staring up at the smoke. With each step I took closer to the avenue, the lump in my throat got bigger and bigger. As I turned the corner and walked up and almost fainted at the sight. I stood for a while, still not comprehending what was going on. I went back into my building and straight up to the roof for a closer look. It never occured to me that they would actually fall.
After a bit I came back to my apartment and settled in with the news. I received more phone calls, emails, and good thoughts than I have in a lifetime. People I don't even know were worried about me. I was fine, physically, but shaken beyond what I could imagine. It wasn't sinking in, it isn't sinking in. When the first tower fell, I saw it on TV and ran back up to the roof. Where once two great towers stood, there was now only one, with an enormous cloud of smoke as it's companion. I watched again for a while until I couldn't take anymore. Then the second tower fell. And it just got worse.
I went out onto the streets in the late afternoon. There was an eerie silence punctuated only by the sound of sirens. Almost no cars, not too many people, and a big black cloud of smoke hanging above. Most local businesses are closed, people are nervous, and there's that big black cloud of smoke hanging above.
I cannot believe this, I cannot believe all those people are gone, that the buildings I drive by every day are gone. I thank my luck that I wasn't there. My office building (about 5 blocks away) is apparently not doing well. Evacuation would be an understatement. I understand everything below Canal Street was evacuated, and everything below 14th St. (which includes where I am) is officially closed tomorrow.
I thank each and every one of you who emailed, posted, IMed and called. I'm overwhelmed by your concern, your caring, and your kindness. I couldn't have gotten through today without you all.
The day the earth stood still.....yep.....at least from here.
Put up a time sequence of photos. Click the images to advance. I needed something to do. That big hole in the sky is freaking me out. Still waiting for word on my brother's friend.
Thanks everyone for making me feel so cared about right now.
They're evacuating everyone south of Canal Street which is about half way between here and there. I don't want to get evacuated, I can't deal with more. The City's calm, they're saying on the news. Rudy's moved to a secret location (his high-tech command center was at 7 World Trade). Still haven't gone outside. Not much but smoke to see on the roof and the sounds of sirens screaming through the streets are eerie.
It's 1am and I feel like it's 4am. 6 hour meetings where 15 people pick apart something you spent more than 2 weeks writing and they spent 30 minutes reading just suck eggs. And they were all so complimentary before the meeting started. Actually, unusually complimentary and much less critical than I'd anticipated and than they've been in the past. As gross as it sounds, it wasn't such a bad day really. Been a long time since I was so well complimented, even if it was followed by hours of torture.
Of course, torture is a relative term. It's not like I was locked in a room with Brooks for 6 hours or anything truly atrocious.
