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thursday, september 13
an apology in one hand, an excuse in the other
hey remember me?
yeah I used to run a site called mindsight, oh yeah, and one called neuro, I'm not quite sure what happened to them, or me for that matter.
life gets in the way right? I actually think that's a song by Grade, anyway. It did, or maybe I just let all the little things pile up until it shut out all the light at the end of the tunnel, yes, I think I was walking my path so cluttered with the everyday worries and stresses and depressions, I couldn't hardly see past them.
a number of things have happened in my absence, not the least of which were the attacks in New York, I sympathize with it, I wish it never got off the ground, but sometimes it's hard to stop people who believe in hate, revenge, and holy order more than you believe in the american way, I think most americans didn't have any sense of themselves or their country before this happened, or least they never bothered to think about, they were too content and wrapped up in a false and fragile sense of security, one they have countless government agencies and brave souls to thank for, but this time, the other guys wanted it more.
I don't mean to sound cold, or to belittle any of the suffering or loss many countless americans feel, but I'd like to think I'm entitled to my own opinion, and hey, this is my fucking site after all right... I think most of the world and its people, unless they somehow shared a tie with anyone or anything where these attacks took place (just because you're american in no way means you even have ties with your country or its people), weren't quite affected, weren't quite bothered, most of us have become so desensitized to not only violence, but the absurdity of this world, I think a large number were secretly, in some small part of themselves, glad to have something real happen, something they could touch and make their own, even if they had to watch it on a tv screen. this was their chance at reality, maybe their chance to shake their complacency off their mundane shoulders and feel real, feel like they mattered. as for non-americans, as for myself, I doubt I will ever feel so strongly for anything disastrous that happens to America, or Europe or any other great world country or continent, and I'm sure I can make you see and understand my point... in Trinidad not so long ago, there was a coup, terrorists overthrew the government and threw our way of life into a dismal routine of curfews and fear, much of our capital was burnt and destroyed, and I'm positive 99% of the world didn't know, didn't care, and most likely don't want to know, that's our history not theirs, that's our problem, not theirs. all I'm trying to say, from what I've been hearing on my Floridian radio stations and the like, is the utter disgust and hatred some americans are showing to people who aren't showing as much concern as they, especially to anyone of middle-eastern descent, and they need to calm the fuck down.
I saw the little children cheering in the streets in whatever bloody middle-eastern country that was, and it sure as hell gave me a sick feeling in my stomach, but don't condemn a country for the stupidity of their leaders, these people have been taught that America is some evil figurehead, they've been told that IT is to blame for their suffering, for they too have lost family, hospitals, schools, and maybe even hope, they see more struggle and warring than most of us won't even glimpse in our lives, so I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying to keep your fucking head on and understand the rest of the world.
anyway, I've rambled on long enough about this, and I never thought I'd have more than a paragraph to say about it... whatever though, I'm done, and in case you wanted to know, I do believe, and immensely desire that they should blow all concerned to kingdom come, go ahead and HAVE your own beliefs and culture, go ahead and teach whatever you want taught to your children and your people, but from the time you take it upon yourself to force those things, in any bloody way, onto another country or people you deserve to have your ass handed to you in a hundred different parts, because all of them are alike, all of them are too blinded by their petty and ultimately MEANINGLESS acts of righteousness that they never even consider what the fuck IS right anymore.
that's it for now, next installment - my euphoric days with the love of my life and other tales from apartment 4.
12:32 PM | Jus | # | 0 comments
tuesday, september 11
what a fucking way to wake up this morning.
go turn on CNN.
11:21 AM | Jus | # | 2 comments
sunday, september 9
2 years.
5:15 AM | Jus | # | 2 comments
wednesday, august 15
I've just been having a fucked up day, and yes, today can, and WILL get worse.
I've got an exam tonight, one which I've yet to even look at the notes for, I just HAD the first part of one exam, which I botched because of late I just keep assuming I know what I need to know and never double check the fucking requirements and/or syllabus. So class today started off with a lovely whimper as I forgot 2 scenes for my final, yes, goodbye "A".
Tonight, oh jesus tonight is going to suck, I've got to download, extract, install and configure an apache server on a linux box, set up a new group and user rights for the group, and a bunch of other tedious crap of which I only have a fading memory of doing weeks before. Oh yeah, and we've got a written exam too. Fuck, I hate, hate, hate, hate fucking up my exams, thus my grades, especially when I could've easily avoided it.
Well that just goes with the whole theme of today, I just realised I may have left all my audio CDs (still in shock, trying not the think about it) in a hotel room in Orlando, I forgot to mail the rent check out on the 10th, and a bunch of other little things that just keep adding up and up and...
I'm convinced I have some form of degenerative brain disease, my short term memory is shot to hell, I keep forgetting things, times, stories, conversations, and this was never the case before, so what the fuck? Maybe I'm just over-reacting and being a pain.
I feel to be a pain. Your mistake for checking today right ;)
The one bright thing this week was a rather cool, thoughtful comment left by mark, it's nice to know.. well, it's just nice.
As for my "plans", ever since I wrote that review for x-men and it got published in Newsday I just kinda got the bug for writing movie reviews, I've always had it in the back of my head, I know it's kinda lame and overdone, but I really don't care about all that, I just feel good doing it because I'm very much a movie / music child, they swarm around my head and have had lots to do with who I am, they're art, and that's in my blood. So I've been saving every ticket stub, from every movie, I've had the fortune, and misfortune, to attend in Florida. I'll scan 'em and put them right next to the review, why? Because I want to.
I originally had all the posters to easy 9 slated to post on mindsight, but then at the last minute I made it a new entity, just to preserve this as my space in a way, selfish, whatever, I just wanted my (web) baby to stay the same. I'm re-thinking that decision though, and who knows, it all depends on how I feel.
As far as my 3D skills, I don't have any yet, I've just started using Studio Max and so far I've done an arm, that toolshed, a table populated with glasses and candles, and a shark, now I was going to post the shark but since Krys said it looked fat... well, guess. I'm very anal about my art, and I don't feel comfortable in 3D yet, so I'm extremely critical about what I produce with it, but hey, if you want me to embaress myself, ask again, it shall be done.
I believe the written exam for this class is about to start to I must depart.
Oh yeah, and Stacy's mad at me, yay. It continues.
2:48 PM | Jus | # | 4 comments
saturday, august 11
Okay, I had a long, long week. While trying to install a Linux partition, grand old software Partition Magic failed and corrupted my boot sector for Windows 98, thank god Windows 2000 was unaffected and I was able to copy over all the important (music) data and fix, but then that of course screwed over the W2K boot loader and I had to re-install that TOO, but all in all I got everything back to normal and I even installed Linux (Corel) afterall. Oh yeah, and all that took place over a lovely 30 hour day, 13 of which were class, and none of which were sleep. Urk.
Well screw all that, I'm going to Orlando, um, NOW, and screw that M-O-U-S-E guy, I'm going back to the Islands of Adventure, and I'm going to have some fun IF it kills me. Thing is I've got a midterm Monday, I have to model an entire arm from one box model, yes shoulder to finger-tips, and this means I'll have all of Sunday night to do it. Ouch.
In shopping news, I bought "A Bridge Too Far" and "Vampire Hunter D" on DVD, and 3 articles of new clothing, yes this is a big deal, considering I never, and I mean never, shop.
Michelle on the other hand bought... allllllllllot.
I haven't had a chance to check my frequents, so I'm feeling just a tad disjointed from things, strange how attached you grow to people you've never even met right ;)
I do promise some semi-cool things here very soon, well at least I think it's cool, think movie reviews, my music database, think my opinion on a bunch of *stuff*, this is one site I've stayed with for longer than most, and I think it needs some fresh blood, so any ideas on anything you'd like to see? Just name it, I'm listening.
Be back Sunday, and I should have pictures of Krystle screaming, ta-ta.
10:20 AM | Jus | # | 2 comments
friday, august 3
I sit in my living room, listenning to music my sweetheart downloaded for me (yes, I now have a downloading slave when I go to school, muhahahahah), and watching Dragon Ball Z on TV, now, I'm not a fan, but Devon and Kevan happen to be 5 year olds caught in 20-something year old bodies, and love the stuff.
I'm sure if they subject me to enough of it I'll be the third stooge on the couch, so let's hope that doesn't happen TOO soon!
3-D work going slowly, I learnt box-editing. Still waiting for my car to return to me from never-never land.
6:59 PM | Jus | # | 1 comment
wednesday, august 1
There was a picture of her, but no more =P
Today, my dear loyal readership, is Clarissa's 18th birthday, so, just because I want to harass her and be a general dick, I'm making this fact known to the WORLD.
Hoozah, the thing is though, that in doing this, I seem all the more a bastard for not tell Alana happy birthday on the 21st and, *sigh*, not to mention my own brother who, yes, was born on the 21st too, Neil, forgive, I meant it in my wittle old heart (prays for all this to seem sincere).
Oh yeah, and stupid ass Christian was the 25th, happy bleh ;)
6:48 AM | Jus | # | 0 comments
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