6/28/2001 09:04:56 PM: Biz Stone
It has recently come to the attention of interns right here at Supertectonics Labs that Dr. Stiles Rambaux, rogue dissident and mastermind behind the 1988 "Bucky Balls Are Dangerous" campaign in Eastern Europe has been in communication with CIA agents secretly posing as employees of the Coca-Cola Corporation. Our affiliation with Dr. Rambaux is still somewhat strained and his exact whereabouts remain undisclosed, but we believe our new contacts may help to expose Coca-Cola’s destructive military machinations that have thus far proceeded unchecked. We shall publish more information on this matter once it has been declassified. Rest assured.
6/26/2001 03:57:29 PM: Biz Stone
Aerial photographs recently developed here at the Lab illustrate what Dr. Finnius Tate, Chairman of the Mississippi Aquatic Observatory (M.A.O) and special consultant to Supertectonics, has been saying for years. Particularly giant leviathans are herding deep within the marine canyons of the Northernmost sector of the Gulf of Mexico. Caution is advised to any and all staff planning to use our submarine entrance over the next few weeks while the Continental Shelf Special Attachment finishes a routine Catastrophe Sweep. General public need not worry, the creatures are far too deep to be of concern or conflict with your usual goings on.
6/14/2001 09:49:32 PM: Biz Stone
We've received a few inquiries about a former consultant. Francis Leonard first came up with the concept of the "smart pickle" in 1966. His motivation was onefold: to grow a pickle that knows it is going to be eaten. Early experiments were considered morally illegal but the name "smart pickle" survives today. Smart pickles are a productive, early-maturing classic standard pickle variety tolerant to a number of cucumber diseases including "green mosaic" and "bumpy mildew." Francis Leonard lives in Scotland with his ex wife, he no longer has an affiliation with Supertectonics Labs.
10/21/2000 03:11:49 PM: Biz Stone
How can I make a robot with clips? Everardo from Mexico City is feeling crafty. Everardo, building a device capable of performing a variety of often complex tasks on command or by being programmed in advance from "clips" simply involves separating the metallic constituents of said "clips" in such a way as to preserve the alloys inherent within that can be further smelted and reduced to *nanoscopic polyforms.* Having harvested only the fittest polyforms you will need a highly refractive crystalline form of carbon with which to etch what Alfred Renn first dubbed *thirsty grooves.* Thirsty Grooves retain sonic instruction from a standard Lunmann Speaker. Caution, however, is recommended whenever taking on the role of Creator in an operation such as this. It is also keen to note that the word "robot," from Slavonic, "rabata" translates as "servitude," or "slave." Keep that in mind when you first deem to transform aforementioned "clips." Carry on Everardo.
9/10/2000 11:05:16 AM: Biz Stone
Are there really such things as monsters under my bed? Pinkus Zuckerman from Berlin, MA is still concerned. Without disturbing you too much, Pinkus, the answer is yes. Mythical, legendary creatures, such as *Centaurs* or *Harpies*-- beasts that combine parts from various animal or human forms to take on their own -- live under your bed. Also in your closet, and if you leave your antique secretary’s desk closed at night, probably in there too. Fret not Pinkus, you are not in danger. 98% of all Monster attacks occur when the victim has misconcluded that the existence of said "monsters" is fictitious. Monsters have a genetically inherent desire to prove themselves to those who doubt them and protect those who believe them to be the savage and ruthless denizens of the dark that they are. Sleep tight, Pinkus!
8/15/2000 11:34:08 AM: Biz Stone
Will I have my 40th birthday on Mars? Philip Negoshian is spaced out. Phil, you may know that NASA has landed various light crafts on the red planet. What most people don't know, however, is that those crafts were phase one of the highly secretive *Analog Seed Program*. Tiny, insect-like robots made from paper clips and parts found in "VCR"'s and "Walkmen" emerged from the rover exactly ten days after acceptable termination of *Media Gorge*. Two types of critters are now frolicking in the dust, "builders" and "harvesters". Builders have one collective goal: pile sand. Harvesters have a similarly singular goal: gather sand. All are solar powered. This may seem unimportant, Phil, but what they are working on will ultimately be the key to you enjoying a "Marsarita" on July 18th, 2017.
8/2/2000 05:50:09 PM: Biz Stone
What's a good excuse not to eat my lima beans? Tim from Wakefield, MA would rather eat broken glass. Tim, the small, flat edible seeds of the bush bean plant known as the *Phaseolus lunatus* can be very nutritious. However, the staff at Supertectonics understands your plight. Organic electricity, that which is developed in organic structures, either animal or vegetable, should serve as a viable excuse. Simply relay to the person or persons who serve you the food in question, the sad case of Luther Fancy, the only known human to have been electrocuted by chewing "lima beans". Incidentally, this excuse should serve nicely for any unwanted food. Enjoy your meal, Tim!
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