News, news, news. It's been just shy of a month since I've been able to pry myself away from school work and write here. I'm still relatively busy, but I submitted my last research paper for the semester this morning. Next week I have final exams, but they won't take up much of my time. Then I start a January short course. I'm looking forward to it because it is basically readings in theology. I hope that you know enough about me to know that this is my real area of interest as of late. In fact, I have decided to focus on theology, especially historical theology, in my masters degree work.

It's just nice to be done with another semester. This semester, more than any previous, has been one of shaping. I really can look back and see the strides I have made in my spirituality, and in fact, those strides were made by God and not me. I wrote last about seeking God's direction and I really believe to be finding it. That is more of a relief than getting done with the semester!

No new guitar to speak of yet. I still would like one, but now I'm trying to decide if I want another acoustic or to mod out a tele to be like the one Derek Webb was trying to get rid of on eBay. I guess I have more than enough time to decide. I really need to focus on spending my money on other people right now. I mean it is the Christmas Season!
posted by Matt Cass at 12/8/2000 02:51:02 PM

Wow, once again I have gone a good, long while since using this thing. I have been totally swamped with school. I guess that is just part of being a senior. Right now my main focus besides finishing the semester is grad school. I think that I have decided to attend Abilene Christian's Graduate School of Theology. I will probably shoot for two simultaneous degrees, a Master of Divinity and a Master of Arts in History and Theology. At first this sounds like so much more than I am already doing, but I think that leaving home and my friends and all of the trappings of my undergraduate extracurricular activities will really make things easier to handle. I'm still praying and asking God's direction

That has actually been my focus lately- God's direction. I think too often we get to preoccupied with our future plans and worrying about what's happening tomorrow that we forget to let God into the picture. I think it's not coincidence that Jesus says, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day" (Matthew 6:34). God's will should be sought in all aspects of life. It's one thing to know this, and quite another to put it into practice. May God grant wisdom and discernment to us all, that we might come before him and ask his will in all areas of our life.
posted by Matt Cass at 11/18/2000 12:43:10 AM

Well, it looks like I will be getting a new guitar for myself soon. I'm getting rid of my unused stratocaster via ebay and right now the bidding has finally begun. So with the profits from that, I'm going to be snagging a Larrivee acoustic from a guy in Canada. That should be totally awesome! I've been wanting a bigger guitar for strumming purposes and a Larrivee dreadnought will be perfect. Plus I'll be getting it for about $300 less than retail! That's got me pretty stoked. School is going all right for now. I'm nearing the deadline for my huge internship project. There will be great sigh of relief when I turn that in. Probably not near as big a sigh as I'm expecting come May. I can't wait for graduation!
posted by Matt Cass at 10/29/2000 10:13:06 PM

Whoa, it's been a good long while since I have written anything down. There has been a lot going on lately and school has me busier than ever. I attended a great conference on ministry and leadership Monday and Tuesday. We heard about spiritual disciplines. Those talks really made me examine my prayer life and my spirituality. I think that the next step I need to take is a fast. I have never done one because I always thought that my focus would be wrong. However, now I feel that God is calling me to this discipline. I'll let you know what happens.

In other news, I'm going to change my webpage yet again. It will soon be moving to a different server and taking a focus more on theology and religion. Hopefully my message board will do the same and so in some way it will be revitalized.

Caedmon's new release is totally awesome! Buy it here.
posted by Matt Cass at 10/25/2000 10:42:16 PM

Well, times are better now. I was able to take a short sabbatical from work to devote more time to my studies. I was only working one day a week, but having just one more day will help greatly, especially since my monumental internship notebook chronicling my entire summer is due Nov. 1. So today is a great day to just sit back and sigh in relief. Oh, and Caedmon's Call's new album was released today. I need to stop typing and go check the mail to see if it's in yet! :)
posted by Matt Cass at 10/10/2000 12:51:59 PM

I guess you could attribute much of that last post to just sheer frustration. I'm so anxious to be out of school and for some change in my life. I'm in a rut and I need out. I wish that there was someone in my life that could lead me in that direction, but for now, I go it alone. Not that that's entirely bad. It's just that most of my friends are married, or married to their jobs, and I sit around trying to finish school, and too afraid to get off my butt and ask someone out. I just hope God does something soon, I'm tired of waiting for something better to come along.
posted by Matt Cass at 10/8/2000 05:44:10 PM

Have you ever had one of those days that was so bad that you just wished it was over so you could curl up in bed, go to sleep, and forget it ever happened? It's been one of those days. What's worse is that there really is no cause to my bad day. I mean I got to have lunch with my parents and perform with my drama group, and yet I just feel terrible. I'm not an incredibly emotional person, but it has just been one of those days where right now I'm on the verge of breaking down. It's one of those days that you wish Christ would return not out of joy and expectation, but out of frustration and desperation. What I hate most is that I should not feel bad about anything. I've been blessed more than anyone in the entire world, and yet I'm not happy. I just feel lonely, but don't want to be with anyone. I guess part of it stems from the fact that so much new is about to happen in my life, and yet I feel like I will be going through it all alone. It's not even that I'm single or will be leaving friends and family after graduation, but that I feel like God's presence isn't enough; and I hate that. God should be enough to sustain me. God has so much love to keep me filled and satisfied. But I'm not.

Psalm 22-
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by night, but find no rest.
Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.
In you our ancestors trusted, and you delivered them.
To you they cried, and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.
But I am a worm, and not human; scorned by others and despised by the people.
All who see me mock at me; they make mouths at me, they shake their heads;
"Commit your cause to the Lord; let him deliver- let him rescue the one in whom he delights!"
Yet it was you who took me from the womb; you kept me safe on my mother's breast
On you I was cast from my birth, and since my mother bore me you have been my God.
Do not be far from me, strong bulls of Ba'shan surround me;
they open wide their mouths at me, like a ravening and roaring lion.
I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted within my breast
my mouth is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to my jaws; you lay me in the dust of death.
For dogs are all around me; a company of evildoers encircles me. My hands and feet have been shriveled;
I can count all my bones. They stare and gloat over me;
they divide my clothes among themselves, and for my clothing they cast lots.
But you, O Lord, do not be far away! O my help, come quickly to my aid!
Deliver my soul from the sword, my life from the power of the dog!
Save me from the mouth of the lion! From the horns of the wild oxen you have rescued me.
I will tell of your name to my brothers and sisters; in the midst of the congregation I will praise you:
You who fear the Lord, praise him! All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him; stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel!
For he did not despise or abhor the affliction of the afflicted; he did not hide his face from me, but heard me when I cried to him.
From you comes my praise in the great congregation; my vows I will pay before those who fear him.
The poor shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek him shall praise the Lord. May your hearts live forever!
For dominion belongs to the Lord, and he rules over the nations.
To him, indeed, shall all who sleep in the earth bow down; before him shall bow all who go down to the dust, and I shall live for him.
Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord,
and proclaim his deliverance to a people yet unborn, saying that he has done it.
posted by Matt Cass at 10/7/2000 09:07:41 PM