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<h1 align="left">Oh, for Christ's sake, I'm joking!</h1>
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<!--Freetext-->Guess who's in the picshure? Guess who's in the picshure? If you said Tifananananany - you are correct, sir. Ah, by the way, I am aware that picshure is really spelled pitchur. I mean, duh. Who wants to hear the nitty-gritty details about my life!? Yeah well, I always knew you people were dumb. <p>
10-31-00<br>
Happy motherfukkin Halloween! (all the motherfuckers in the world!) OK, no one got that, except maybe for Shannon et Yayson. Anyway... Ms. Malacarne sukked some more with her stupid religious stuff, grr, I wouldn't care so much if she wasn't so blatantly prefferential towards the Christian faith "Oh, but that's the only correct faith..." Oh, go to hell. So this should be the last update before I make a new page for a new month. I can feel the excitement in the air. O' course, there's no telling when my lazy ass will get around to it. I finally got back the pictures from Homecoming, and Brandon is adorable, so as soon as I have some sort o' access to a scanner I'll make them exist, and likely there will be some picture on the new month's (November, for those of you feverishly chacking your calenders) page from the collection. I got back the (2) pictures I took in CA too, so you can see Shannon & Krysten w/ Krysten's porn boots. Actually, I like the way <a href="http://www.expage.com/iheartboobies">Shannon</a> has it on her website, "p*rn boots". I've been thinking of it like that all day. And if you think it's hard to think in symbols, try it. You know what? Jason (Illinois Jason) doesn't feel good, and I hate it when people feel bad. Fuck, I wonder if I could try and sound like more of a dork, you think that would work out? Not that anyone cares, I exist all alone in this little world o' mine, or at least that's what it seems like according to the amount of people that sign the guestbook or leave comments on the quiz. I think Melissa is pissed at me, too. That kinda seemed like a non sequiter, but it related to.... oh, fuck it, it doesn't matter what it related to. It just is, ok? Uh, yeah, since it's Halloween, I'm gonna go trick-or-treating avec B & Melissa. There, that's what it related to. yes, it related to something in the future. Wow, this is long.... I hope I can scare some small children tonite. I don't think kids get scared enough today. It gives them character, keeps them in their place. After all, if I don't scare the hell out of them now, in a year they'll be beating me up for my lunch money, and then the whole world will go to shit. Oh yeah, Ryan and Z went to the Manson concert last night, and apparently it kicked ass. They didn't go together, and bunches of other people went, but they were the ones that told me about it. So they = cool. Happy motherfukkin Halloween once more.<p>
10-28-00<br>
I'm not doing anything, how 'bout you? You wanna know what happens to Shelby's brain when she's bored? (I didn't think so). But that's too bad, becasue it's this:<br><tt><b>One of these days, I'm gonna save the world and save your 
soul, and impregnate a whore with some values. I'm gonna stop scrounging
for change and change the world, I'm going to clean up nice and be pretty 
for real. I'm gonna scrub away the dirt of these subway years, get 
rid of all my tears. And I'm gonna walk down the street with a smile
like sunshine, brighten someone's day. I'm gonna be that girl in the window, 
so you can wrap me up and take me home, tie a ribbon on me and make me yours. 
In the morning we can go on long walks in the park, and you can put me on 
a leash but I won't run far, it's too bad he got killed by a car. But 
car wounds and gun wounds bring death to the fron, the forefront of our minds 
is where the revolution is, and I'm gonna be in there. I'll realize my 
potential as a woman and scrub dishes to help the revolt, let's revolt 
and take hold of our values here, we're alternative and basic, cuz it's 
elementary my dear. And in the elementary schools we'll find our soldiers, 
they're old enough to write their name and piss their pants, lets put them 
on the battlefield, because our old wounds just haven't healed. We're 
too old to accept anymore, nursing home is where the actions at now. 
Cantankerous forever, we're 20 and dying if not quick like cocaine then slow 
from pain, yes, pain kills us all in the end, and in the end who wins cuz 
we're all dead? But thats the way it was from the get-go, I didn't know you 
were so concerned with results.</b></tt><br>Kinda kooky, eh? I don't know where it came from, but I like it, and Brandon likes it, so phooey on you. If Shannon & Jason like it, that'll be all the important people in the world! Crap, for some reason I'm completely brain dead, even though I got 11 hours o sleep last night. Man, my neck/shoulder hurts loike hell. Alright, everyone loves Jason but no loves me - he has craploads o' people signing his guesbook, and the dumb whore still hasn't signed mine! "That's ok Shelby, we still love you Shelby." I bet no one even know what that's from. I'd give you a hint, but I just plain don't like you that much. gee, I wonder why people like Jason more than me? Oh well, I "need" sleep.<p>
10-26-00<br>
What month is it? What month is it? Phew, it's still October. Yeah, so I forgot the month, you wanna make something of it? What a crappy day! First period was like sitting in fukking CHURCH yet again, becasue we were assigned to read the book of Job, and instead of discussing it, Ms. Malacarne just read it aloud. I tried to discuss a little bit, and pointed out that God seemed like a jerk, and used Machiavellian tactics to look better / be a better ruler. And everyone yelled at me and went all god-freak about how he did everything to make life better for humans. But if that was the whole point, then why the hell did he give Job over to Satan? And did he really have brag so bloody much? Anyway, I don't drag any of them to my Stan-worshipping or atheist meetings, so why the hell did i have ot sit through the bloody teacher reading out loud and pretending that was helping us "learn"? I WANT TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL!!!! Brandon was absent, too - as a matter of fact, I'm about to go see him in the choir concert thingie. I think that's all I had to say for now... I lost a shoe today, but I got it back (it was in a bush). Ryan ate lunch with us today, yay. Yeah, I can tell I'm done saying interesting things... oh yeah, I'm reading <i>The Peter Principle</i>. It's interesting... the basic premise is that in a heirarchy, the people tend to rise to their level of incompentence, given enough time. Neat stuff. <p>
10-25-00<br>
I'm here at dad's house before I leave for school, and jeezus, I'm already exhausted. I'm wearing pants now (I mention this because until very recently, that wasn't the case). Grrr, I've got to leave (that looks funny, all grammatically correct & whatnot) very much with the soonness, and I really want to finish downloading this song (Linkin Park, One Step Closer). Apparently they're going to be on tour with Papa Roach, and they'll be in town Dec. 7. Town being St. Louis. Hey, mom was just asking what I want for Christmas. OK, it says it's halfway done. Yay, Melissa came over yesterday, j'aime elle. 'Twas beacoup de fun. Damn the boiling pot, it's so much fun to watch. I finally got my bookcase all together, Ryan said I couldn't do it, but ha! I proved him wrong, the weak, sickly little fascist bastard (hope you feel better, eh?) My horoscope for today was pretty cool: <br><center><tt>
Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, October 25

You're too quick to blame yourself for whatever goes wrong. You may feel like damaged goods, but someone else sees you as top of the line. Understand that nothing is permanent, especially the bad stuff.<br></center></tt>
Bleh, that sounds nice, dudn't it? Of course, it's more of an overview for me than a horoscope for today. Or maybe it's just cuz I'm so damn ugly today. That really seems like too many "todays" so close together. Bloody hell, I have to go, even tho I'm 81% done with this song. Grrrr. Stupid time. Wish me luck, or some such thing (Good luck on yer midterm, Jaime, and just pretend I put the accent in your name correctly.)<p>
10-22-00<br>
Man, I can't spell for all the camel in Camel-Lot. Uhh, I saw Remember the Titans tonight, it's really quite good. I'm such a bloody crybaby. Yeah, I cried, but it was sad, so go to hell. <a href="http://www.xneonx.com">Jason</a> (brandon's brother) signed my guestbook, and he noticed that my site has less agression than his. Now kids, where do we put all our anger & hurt & saddness? That's right, we pack it nice & tight into a bottle inside of us, so that periodically it can explode & we can spend a little time cooling off in the big house. Anyway, Jason's site is beaucoup de cool. I got schpend time avec Brandon, so yay! Me & him & Aaron watched Pitch Black (my dad sukks & when he saw aaron he said "whoa, what heppend to your hair!?", but yeah, aaron's cool, and hot diggity damn, everyone in the world is cooler than me. But oh well, i try.) I've now forgotten what i was saying, but thats ok, cuz i hafta do that whole sleeping thing anyway. Nightie. Oh yeah, I got cool 50 cent Halloween costume skirts! Score.<p>
10-21-00<br>
GUess who hasn't slept in 25 hours!? If you said me, you would be correct, sir! I went to a church lock-in 'cuz Kelly invited me, & there were beaucoup de people there, like Kelley et Marissa et Brandon et Aaron et Jake, and hey! I know who those people are. It was really scary though, because they had this "initiation" thing, and if that doesn't sound scary to you, then you suck. But at one point they were supposed to pretend to throw knives at us & reallly throw water balloon, and they had theses big plywood targets behind us that were none too steady, so I got hit in the small of the back w/ a BIG FRIGGIN PIECE O' WOOD! And not the good kind either. But anywho it turned out to be pretty fun, and they let me make an ass of myself in public (yay for them!), and so i didn't sleep (pas de dormir) and I'm not tired cuz i'm running on a diet of sugar & no sleep. I love you all bunches & I MISS MY SHANNON!!!!<p> 
10-18-00<br>
Blah blah blah. Nathan Davis is 5 years old today. And I continue being a loser! Really, I'm amazing. Anywho... my stupid cursor is doing that thing where it types over all the next letters...I hate that. Like just there, you don't know this, but I had "previous" instead of "next", and when I went back to change it, Blam! The other letters had to go byebye, and sleep with the fishes. I went to Goodwill today, but I didn't get any pants, which is terribly, terribly sad. What's even more sad is that brandon didn't get to come with us. I did get a sweater & several books, but my perfect courdoroys (jeezus, that is soooo not how you spell it) didn't show up. I'm so saddened. They're low-rise chocolate-brown flared corduroys (maybe that's it?), and they're out there somewhere, by god! Oh yeah, <a href=http://zeroshell.ath.cx/ryan>Ryan</a> made a website, and my ass fell off from laughter. Ain't that the darndest thing? No, really I have no idea what the hell i'm talkng about. But anywho, Ryan's sick [:(], but he's a funny little doode [:)]. Brandon is currently being funny aussi....I was going to get off(line) to call him, but he's online now...fascist bastard. Nighty nightie.<p>
10-16-00<br>
I'm listening to Sleater-Kinney right now, as an inevitable result of being much cooler than anyone else. Today I offered to give Ryan a dead bird, and he said he'd be my friend, so now I feel warm and fuzzy (on the inside this time). We're watching La Gloire de mon Pre in French, but Mrs. Pilackas covered up the little naked boy-penises (as opposed to girl-weiners) for some weird reason. Even Mrs. Columbano didn't do that. Sorry, <i>Madame</i> Columbano, Celine Dion stalker extrordinaire. Oh well, at least Mrs. Pilackas is sympathetique et drle (nice & funny). Oh, znarging hell, I can't spell too well. You liked that, didn't you baby? Oh, I forgot, <i>if</i> Ryan actually does look at my page, and <i>if</i> he manages to stumble on this section, he'll be reading these very words (<i>If</i> he learns to read before then.)  So, Ryan should sign my guestbook, and I know we're all in agreement about that cuz otherwise I'd have to start kicking some ass. It rained today, damn water falling from the sky. Damn the man! (I don't know which one. Not me, that's for bloody sure.) Ok, I can tell this is when I should stop typing, becasue I'm even boring myself. <tt>LATER</tt> Doode, you totally have to <a href="http://www.mark-paul.com">check this out.</a> It's pretty bloody cool.<p>
10-15-00<br>
This weekend I was at my mom's house, which is why I couldn't be online. She has pas de computer. I tried to put that in here on Friday, but right after I had it written, there was a power outage. Figures. I saw Brandon om Friday, then again tonight to watch Half-Baked on Comedy Central. Hehe, that's a funny movie.  Shelby has a boyfriends, Shelby has a boyfriend... Remember, kids, drugs are BAD! I also went out with Laura on Saturday, yay for Laura! She's so nice to lil Shelby. I have nothing to say.... my room at my mom's house is pretty small, and bloody BARE! I can't stand not having schtuff all over the walls. And I obviously need more clothes and books.... who doesn't? I've been reading so much recently, like an average of a book a day. I just finished Flowers For Algernon, and Death of a Salesman, and Between Parent and Teenager, and On the Devil's Court, and now I'm halfway though Rock This! Yeah, brag brag. Not that I have much to brag about, they want to kick me out of Honors Algebra 2 for having a C+. Boo hoo, I hate Mrs. James. But i'm too stubborn to give up w/o a fight, so I expect them to have to drag me out kicking & screaming. Hehe, better education my ass. Anywho, avec love I go.<p> 
10-12-00<br>
Brandon got his license today, yay pour il! Now he's a driving manic (or maybe, uh, one of those people who drives well & tries <i>not</i> to kill pedestrians... eww). L'ecole sukks beaucoup de much. I really hope that's the correct word. Bloody hell, now I have self-esteem issues. Thanks a lot. Not that I have any clue who I'm thanking, nut I'm going to go right on with my rambling as if it mattered until approximately... now. I watched some of the presidential debates, and I've decided that besides wanting to see a gay black female atheist as president, I'm scared pantsless (which is the best way to be scared) about nuclear warfare, and chemical terroroism as well. Basically anything where the odds that I'm going to either 1) die a horrible, painful death; or 2) be one of the few survivors of some massive attack and have to fend for myself in the big empty radioactive world. Those are scenarios I call "bad things". I was also looking at the moon tonight. It was so bright and full... I absolutely love the moon, especially when it's full. Besides reminding me beaucoup de much of Shannon, it's just intriguing. And you know that there have to be hundreds of people all across your hemisphere, or big half-circle thingie, doing the same thing. And so help me god, if one person writes to me complaining because I inaccurately represented the phases and/or positions of the moon, I'll..... well, phooey on them. Yeah, anywho. Go to <a href="http://www.psychosexy.net">Brandon's</a> website and read the poem "Popular Sweater", because I love it, which means that you have to as well. Read the rest, too, cuz they're phantastic! The most awful thing just happened. I was telling Sarah how I enjoy having beaucoup de sex with Jon Davis, and her brain died and she didn't know who he was! I'm now distraught, and I can no longer write. <p>
10-9-00<br>
This whole school is so stereotypical. It's turning me into a teenage girl. I spend all my time waiting for the phone to ring, and I'm all giggly & happy. I mean, really, does anyone else remember the last time I was so bloody happy? (Not counting the return trip to Ca over that weekend, there were extenuating circumstances then). Wait, maybe that's not the influence of the school, that's Brandon's fault. Cha, making me happy. Sheesh, what's next, world peace? Fascist bastard. But I came home from school, and I'm like, "Hey dad, I got a 95 on my chem test." That's a weird sentence right there, so PBS after-school special. Next thing you know I'll be a lesbian pregnant with my Western Civ teachers' child while doing the captain of the football team. Sounds like a good plan, I'm gonna go implement it. Actually, I think I'll just daydream baout Brandon a bit more. Practically the same thing. <p>
10-10-00<br>
Someone is having a golden birthday today! (No, thta's not the same thing as a golden shower). Grr, I don't even know what day it is...hold on... Friday the 13th, Thursday the 12th, Wednesday the 11th, Tuesday the 10th. It's Tuesday! Well, it's not my fault, the whole "short week" thing throws me off. The video presentation in 1st period was, euh... humiliating! Yeah, anywho... I went to an antique mall with dad the other day, & it was interesting, I was looking at the stuff, and then I noticed this little kid's tin cop badge, like from the 1950's, and it just kinda made me sad. I mean, some little kid spent all sorts of time wanting that, and then playing with it, he probably felt so cool about having it, and it ends up in an antique mall in Illinois 50 years later, and the kid is either a grandparent or dead by now. I mean, it's a piece of the past, someone's dreams and games and joy on sale for a dollar. It just made me think (apparently I've always had the ability laying around). <p>

10-7-00<br>
I just found my lipgloss. It rolled under the bed in the computer room. So now, luscious lips = fun for everyone! Which reminds me, Shannon, do you remember in 8th grade when we decide to call people lumptious a lot in PE? That was amoozing. (Shannon actually reads my journal, or at least skims it looking for naughty words, like <b>sex</b> and <b>boobies</b>.) I realize that it's been a billion and a half years since I've updated, but I had a lot to do recently. No, hey, stop laughing, I'm serious! I finished Wuthering Heights, which took most of my time during the week (especially my time on Thursday night). I hate that book. I did not find it to be romantic, nor an example of the metaphysical nature of love. I found it to be overly long and rather stupid. But hey, that's me. Don't take my word for it.....{cue the creepy smart kids}. There's a computer desk taking up half the space in the computer room. Of course, the computer is still on the floor, but progress is indeed being made. We have a project due first thing Monday, on Wuthering Heights. I was thinking, "It sucked. The end," but we hae to have all of this "information" and "author info" and "content." Fascist bastards. <br>
So last night my spiffy boyfriend (heh. doesn't that look wierd? NO, it doesn't. Fascist bastard.) came over and helped us unload things into my mommie's new house. Did I mention my mommie has a new house? Momme has a new house on base. And Brandon came with us and used his muscles (pronounced musk-ules) to help us put some sctuff in the new house. Yay for decorating, which is what I soon get to do in my new room, even though it's teensy. Yay for ass!<br>
I've had people over (ok, mostly just Kelly...kelley...Kellie...something like that) for the lit project, and Yay! cuz Kellie is so rampantly beaucoup de cool. Ok, that may be pathetic, using a school project to pretend I have friends, but i don't care, I don't care, cuz I can't hear you, nyaah nyaah nyaah! Fascist Bastard. Ok, this is now officially beaucoup de long, so I'm going to let you go. Execpt to say: le eek! I miss Jason - Come to me, you Fascist bastard you.<p>  

10-3-00<br> 
Je suis cool, et tres, tres hyper. Guess who? Me! Yaaaaaay! Ok, yeah, I should probably lay off the nose candy, but really, life is so much more fun..... um, nevermind. Isn't that cool how I just made a new page, just like that? I think it's cool. And I managed to take the Lord's name in vain right from the get-go, that's pretty good even for me. Oh, who's a big lazy hell-bent atheistic geek? Oh, it's me, yeah yeah yeah. Sorry, I'll stop right this very second. I started reading Wuthering Heights. So far, I'm amazed at my ability to procrastinate. I mean, I know I've always enjoyed it, but this is an unbelievable new height (heh heh, Height). You wouldn't believe the number of things other that read Wuthering Heights there are in this world. Prrruh.... I went to Open House last night. My parents didn't even go, but I promised Melissa I'd meet her there. And, oh joyous early to late evening, I had fun! Not only did I have fun, but it wasn't sitting in a little corner alone! People even talked to me, it made me beaucoup de happy. Apparently I'm some kind of a people person. Or maybe just starved for love and affection. Ooooh, & I also got to see Brandon sing, heh heh, he's tres adorabl(). O, actually I have no idea how to make that french, you're just going to have to pretend, and furnish your own snooty French accent. I also got to go avec him on base today (yay! beaucoup de yay!). And now he's online...... I may be delerious, but at least I'm also deleriously happy. Anywho, I'm gonna go shower & give myself a lil soaping up, becasue it's already October. If you happen to be Shannon or Jason today, then BLOODY WRITE ME!!!!!!! Love muchly, eh?<p>

10-1-00<br>
This is awful of me, I'm so lazy! I should have made a page for the month o' October already, but I'm a bad person. Tomorrow, I swear, and if I don't follow through, you can hit me. Ooh, that sounds good. Maybe I won't follow through..... Ahem. Anyway, the business at hand. Guess who had a cool weekend? I'm betting Yanni did, but hey, he's just a cool guy. I did too. I went to see Watcher avec Laura & Jamie, & then we went to play pool, & I won! Go me! It was by default. Then today (Sunday, in case I put the wrong date on there), I got to spend beaucoup de temps avec Brandon, un homme magnifique. (Et fantastique, et formidable, mervieulleux.... and I'm stopping, because I have a lack of spelling prowess.) Hehe, his family is pretty cool. They're nice, & his mom laughs a lot. Okay, you know what? I really should go to bed. Oh, by the way, <a href="http://www.spankmag.com">Spank!</a> me. I love you muchly, and with a great big... hug.<p>

<center><h2>Before (i.e. in the past)</h2></center>
<a href="/zine/ugly/notdeadyet/sparklydayun">SeveredMember</a>

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