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<h1 align="left">What was that again?</h1>
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<!--Freetext-->Here it is, by popular demand!! A Journal of my deepest, innermost thoughts and feelings! No, really, stop laughing, you're hurting my deepest, innermost thoughts and feelings. I never liked you anyway. Uh, I don't really know how to set this up.... Well, it shouldn't be too bad.<p><br><p>


9-27-00<br>
I doon't have much to say today. Brandon is cool. Apparently, thought, I'm dumb in Illuhnoise, which is a sad state of affairs. Sarah's friend signed my guestbook, cuz she made him, cuz she's the jim-dandiest lil thang this side of the Mississippi. My "yummy" shirt was kuh-ewww-el. Cool. Kool. Kewl. Bye. <p>

9-26-00<br>
My back hurts. I don't remember why, but yeah, oww. Znarg, I keep getting in big conversations about life's questions. Matt was kind enought to bring me some papers on Creationism, which he believes in, and we had an interesting lil conversation, I htink i'm going to write an article about that. I also might write an article about generalizations and political correctness. People are so afraid of saying something now because they might possibly offend someone. I was talking to someone today who refused to admit that there are behaviorial differnces between males and females because (and I quote), "generalizations are shallow." That drove me crazy, so I'll probably make an article there too. Hey, i made a shirt! I rock so much. It says "yummy". Yay! funfunfunfun. Um, I also thought up a bitchin quote: "Lead me not into temptaion, I already know where the girl's locker room is." Most of you have probably already herd it, cuz I try to "subtley" work it into converstaion (Hey, have you seen my whores of the world stamp collection?). Doode, it's cold outside. OK, well, bedtime, go me. <p>

9-25-00<br>
Got boyfriend? Cuz I do! Oho, who's funny now? Actually, the funny thing is that I'm serious. I don't know, he must have gotten some kind of hard knocks to the head, because he likes me. Oh, I guess you might want to know who it is. Well, you probably already know, since I suppose you aren't brain dead. Yeah, it's Brandon, so now I have a legitimate excuse to talk about his coolness all the time. By the way, the Homecoming Dance was thuper, and... yeah. Beaucoup de slow dancing (wheee!). Znarg, you know what? I want a best friend. You know, a girl, who can spend the night. I'm half out of my mind with loneliness, and that's hanging by a thread. And I hate the cold, and I now spend all my time looking passionately for something to do other than read Wuthering Heights, because I really don't feel like reading it and writing a 10=page response journal. Ms. Malacarne is so not going to get what she expected (oh well, it's not like she reads them anyway), because my responses aren't within the normal bounds of "relevant". Oh well, be careful what you wish for......    I guess I should go do my math work now, cuz it at least is due tomorrow. Peace, I'm out.<p>

9-23-00<br>
Man, I ran into the wood on my bed last night. Turned out the light, & then went to go get into bed, but i wasn't far enough over so i just hit is with my shins & fell on my face. Literally. I bet it would have been funny as hell if anyone would have been watch. Um, the dance is tonight. Yeep. I'm scared, cuz I know I have amazing abilities to look like a dumbass. Mostly I don't want to look stupid or something in front of Brandon. Not that it'd be the first time, but uhhhh, yeah. Well, I'm gonna go now, off into the wild blue... kitchen. It's lunchtime.<p>

9-22-00<br>
We had the "bonfire" tonight, except we really didn't, because they cancelled it due to "wind". Bloody Illuhnoisians, it was beautiful. In California, as my dad said, they would have cancelled the fire becasue there wasn't <i>enough</i> wind. They would have been worried that the fire would have sucked all the oxygen out of the air becasue there wasn't enough wind to bring in more oxygen. Now don't get me wrong, I hate wind, but sheesh! It was beuatiful out! Oh well, me & Brandon got to go play on the swings & whatnot, & we had fun (even though there were evil shadow-people surrounding us). Or, well, I had fun, you'll really have to ask him if he did. I'm not a bloody mind-reader (imagine Cockney accent here. And no, Cockney is not a bad word.) Yeh, ok, I'm tired now, so I'm going to flee this room.<p>

9-20-00<br>
OK, the bloody website deleted the entry I made for today. It was a nice one, too, about what I think true friendship and love is all about: napping. Seriously. It's all in the small things (you know, life is in the details), and I think it shows a lot if you are comfortable enough to just run around sleeping with people (uh, figuratively of course). But I remember all those time me & shannon & jason have fallen asleep together, at Jason's right after school when his apartment was so warm & fuzzy & comfortable that I think i could have slept there forever if I wouldn't have had to go tutor. Or in Shannon's bed before school, when I would promise myself that I would remember to wake up so we wouldn't be late, even though we both always slept throught the alarm. Or all of us louging around dozing all over the couches & floors & beds in my house. The three of us slept together a lot. I miss my rampant psychotic Dixon friends. (That would be funnier if you knew me, cuz then you could hear my voice in your head saying "puh-sy-kotic". So if u know me, imagine it, & if you don't, have one of the voices in your head fill in). Anyawy, it's things like that that make for love, napping and singing and watching someone brush their teeth, because if you can watch someone brush their teeth, get toothpase all over the lower half of their face, & spit in their own hair (um, thats how everyone brushes their teeth, right?), and not run out of the room screaming, you know everything is good. (Allow me to point out, though, that I am not one of those bathroom women. One person using the bathroom at a time; I really have neither the need to have someone watch me piss, nor do I find it romantic. Ew.) OK then, I guess that's it for today, I'll "see" you all later.<p>
9-18-00<br>
I have a new favorite word today: snogging. It's what they say instead of kissing in Britain. It sounds so dirty, though, I love it. I'd love to do a little snogging, but I am sadly devoid of a snogging partner. I told Laura that if we did la bise for French, I could slip her a little tongue, but oddly enough she decided she didn't want to be my partner for the next activity. Probably had a headache. My shirt was pretty loud (hah hah, get it?) The other fun thing about the word snogging is that you can say something, "Oh, I was just snogging my brother good night," and people will leave you alone. It's similar to pissing yourself in that respect (or so I hear). Znarg! I keep making funny lil noises at Melissa, like gnargh, and guh, and eugh. Hmm. All of my noises have "g"s. Odd, eh? But my original znarg there was in refernce to the fact that I'm scared of the Homecoming Dance. There are going to be people there, I'll bet you anything, and we all know how I feel about people. That's right, they frighten me. (Like there's anything that doesn't.) But I'm going with Brandon, and he rocks my world. So, um, la di da, la di da. I have "Yesterday" (Beatles) stuck in my head. Oh yeah, Sarah (with an "h" for "hlove") visited my webthite. Nice lisp I have, eh? Anywho, I miss Sarah. She stalks my family. I want to see her naked. Not that I ever peer through her windows or anything (I would never. Well, never get caught anyway). Uh, I almost killed a girl with a volleyball today. I thought she was gonna slit my throt afterwards. It was an accident, I swear. No, really, I felt really bad. OK, fine, my little experiment with curing insomnia is over. Bunch whiners. Love. <p>
9-17-00<br>
<pre>"Here is your horoscope for Sunday, September 17:
     Hook up with someone special for the ride of your
     life. Ideal partners compliment each other's ambitions
     rather than canceling them out. A robust self-image
     plays a major role in any kind of success."
</pre><br>
Sounds good for me, eh? It's weird, just a couple of days ago, I was screwing everything up. Hopefully, though, this one will come true (or hold true, however you want to say it). Uhhh.... ItalianFest was fun. Apparently I don't mind making an ass of myself in public, as long as its raining men (hallelujiah). I can't count the number of times I've said that recently. It's fun. Yummy, weasel. Well, I think it's time I let y'all go, I need more crack, y'know. Love.<p>

9-16-00<br>
You know, it's kind of hard to make a journal when it keeps deleting itself. As I was saying, I'm home alone, so I'm thinking I should run around buck nekked. How very freeing. <tt>LATER</tt> Ah, yes. It's Saturday now. I have a new piercing in my cartilage, yay go me. Two!! I guess that makes me a wild rebel. It's interesting, though, how much we (and by "we" I mean "I") judge people by their clothing. But I guess I kind of have to, because what else am I going to go by when walking by someone in a mall? To be fair, though, I also judge them by their idiotic behavior. I don't know why my horoscope said that everyone would enjoy my infectious humor today. Maybe they can't spell, and meant "infectious herpes". Hmm. Ah, I'm not really in a bad mood, not at all actually, I'm just not running around spreading good cheer. Unless there are people peering through my windows as I run around naked. Interesting thought. Ok, I think I'm going to go (until tonight anyway).<p>

9-15-00<br>
The new girl still, and never is it more apparent than the weekend, that wide useless expanse of time unbroken by friends or phone calls. Yeah, New again; not in infamy like in Dixon but rather complete ignomy. This is undoubtedly preferable, but still the day ends and the week ends and Blah! nothing to do but sit, read, listen. None of those, of course, objectionable in themselves, but.... I'm bored. Sometimes Laura will invite me to go out with her and Jamie, like tonight, but I feel like an intruder, a burden on their easy laughter and silly dance. She (they, really, Jamie is quite nice as well) is so very nice to me, I feel... well, I don't really know what I feel. Incredibly grateful, maybe? I feel precarious, really, like this whole thing is just a beautiful dream, but soon I'm going to have to wake up. I've talked to Brandon on the phone a couple of times recently, and I love that, Brandon is.... well, he's orgasmatastic. I think this whole "it's a dream" thing is at least partly the fault of my horoscope. Bloody thing told me that i was, I don't quite remember, doing <i>something</i> wrong, and I've got to stop, and "embrace simplicity". Bloody hell, everyone is so nice. It confuses me, but I like it. Rowr. <p>

9-14-00<br>
"No one will ever love me like that." <br>
<blockquote>-Skin Game, Caroline Kettlewell</blockquote><br>
What a perfect sentiment. Why is it that though we may use the same words, have the same emotions, it often seems that only another person can perfectly express your emotions?Maybe it is that great Holy Grail of human experience, Validation. But I think what is so perfect about this sentence is the "like that". Sure, maybe someone coould love me, but only in that vague, passing way that seems almost friendly, almost neighborly. It is strange to have that part of my mind with the penchant for psychology, becasue I analyze everything. You know, some day i should proabably try to get rid of my feeling that guys can never fall in love. Anywho. Buhbye.
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