mermaniac.com

tuesday september 18 2001

class
Last night two different east-coasters told me to watch Letterman, so I did. It was perhaps the finest episode I'd ever seen. Letterman's opening remarks were amazing. No monologue, no jokes. Just an explanation of why he decided to go on the air, in the middle of all this.

Dan Rather was the perfect guest. Angry Dave just asked every tough question that we're all asking, and Dan struggled to answer. When Dan welled up with tears, I started crying too. I mean, he's Dan Rather.

I've got a hell of a lot more respect for Dave than I ever did before.

posted by Bill at 7:21 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

in a state
Yesterday, we finally finally finally got everything out of the Oakland apartment, arranged for the building supervisor's son (would that make him the Supe's son?) to do the cleaning and painting, and handed over the keys.

Next stop: we're flying to Arizona TOMORROW. I had a lot of trepidation about this, but I'm feeling strangely grounded now, despite the pun. Keep hearing reports that most of the business travelers are staying away, so the flights are nearly empty.

Wall Street certainly believes it, since it completely SLAMMED the travel industry yesterday. Not to take all this personally, but my little bubble of stock options was almost completely wiped out. Oops. Most of my stock is worthless, and what's left can be sold for a grand profit of $300. I'll get right on that, thanks.

The mood at the office is bleak at best. On Friday our head honcho sent out word of a mandatory meeting next Tuesday. These usually happen when they have something they need to explain. It's probably how last week's events affect our company, but my first thought was "Layoffs?". These are not mutually exclusive options.

Sorry for the moaning. I keep saying "it's a whole new world", and it is.

posted by Bill at 7:16 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

monday september 17 2001

it's the little things
Been without DSL for a while, so it was wonderful to get the disc in the mail, insert in my cdrom, and be online again. And it all took less than 15 minutes. Yay! Is this the opposite of DSL Hell?

posted by Bill at 9:26 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

saturday september 15 2001

...
jim and my dad

Called my dad for his birthday today. He's younger than you think, but older than he looks.

I learned that my brother Jim, now all of 18 and attending community college, is gung-ho about enlisting in the military. He and his friends want to show "them" what happens when "they" mess with the USA. I commiserated with my dad, who knows just how dangerous and stupid any kind of war will be. It's not going to be quick, it's not going to be easy.

Here are more pictures of my dad and my brother.

posted by Bill at 10:38 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

voice of reason
Go read what what Ron wrote:

Yes, there is an enemy out there, but they don't fight as we are accustomed to. We're staring at an enormous beehive. Let's not bash it with a baseball bat because we have been stung badly. We need to be very deliberate and maintain our compassion while resolving to eliminate this beehive without killing the tree or setting the forest on fire.

There's a real rush to action right now, because the anger and support is here now, but probably won't be here in the future.

I wonder if there's a way that we can use the web to make a change. (Other than the amazing, wonderful way we've all been using our websites to send out true personal narratives about how the tragedy is affecting ALL OF US.)

I'd like to see something similar to the Red Cross donation box or the infoshare syndicated newsfeed, but with links to anti-racist, non-jingoistic, anti-war, pro-peace news and information. Maybe without depending on the cnn/timewarner/msnbc news conglomerates? Is that possible?

Actually, I'd just settle for a web graphic that I could put up. Something simple and direct, like "I don't support war". My mind isn't really where it needs to be right now, so maybe brighter heads can come up with something elegant and striking and powerful and worth sticking on 1000 websites. Anyone want to help me do that?

posted by Bill at 5:08 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (2)]

courage
The only member of Congress to vote against giving President Bush the ability to wage war on terrorists was my Congresswoman Barbara Lee. (link via Drew)

posted by Bill at 1:20 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

memorial
I've been spending the last few days holed up at home (in front of the computer) and at work (in front of the computer). I needed a change last night, so I headed into the Castro. Mike begged off; he's been dealing with a bad neckache all week.

I don't really know what I thought I'd find. My first thought was to sit in a cafe surrounded by gay men, and read the Oresteia. Why not? I haven't been academic in a while, and the translation I have has a 100-page introduction and copious endnotes (resulting in three bookmarks: essay, text and notes).

I did buy a coffee, but I got it to-go. Somehow I didn't feel much like slogging through ancient turmoils, blood-letting and vendetta. So I walked out and headed to the intersection of 18th and Castro.

There's a makeshift memorial there, loaded with flowers and teddy bears and candles. Philo went by earlier in the day, and he's posted his reactions along with photos.

When I got there it was dark, so I didn't bother to take any pictures. There were three or four cops there, mostly making sure the crowds didn't spill over into the bus stop. I went up, and read some of the messages: news accounts and photos of Mark Bingham, plus handscrawled messages of memorial and poetry. After I'd been there for a few minutes, two timid voices in the back started singing "The Star Spangled Banner". People looked around at each other, and slowly joined in. After we finished, I had to get away.

I went to A Different Light, and found a book I'd been looking for. I thought about going up to Tower and Streetlight, even headed in that direction outside the bookstore. But then I looked back at the intersection, at the memorial. I guess I wasn't done there.

The memorial is tiny. One corner of one intersection in one neighborhood of one city, 3000 miles from New York. Someone handed me a candle, so I stood there with a white taper shoved into a paper Starbucks cup. I prayed a little bit. I looked at the memorial. There were bunches of flowers everywhere, and people kept bringing more. Some of the candles were the tall religious votives, some were short fat scented ones. Most were tapers, propped up in coke cans and plastic cups and glass bottles. Posted to the wall were messages of love to the rescue workers. There were complete passenger lists of the four planes. Off to one side, someone had left a small suit of armor, about two feet tall. A knight for the heroes.

Several people were on their knees in front. I had seen a prayer mat, so I assumed they were praying, but I was wrong. I soon realized that they were methodically lighting every candle that had been left there, even the ones which the wind had blown out. When someone stopped, another person would move in and light some more. I stood there for 45 minutes, and no one stopped lighting candles.

One woman in particular was being very diligent, but there were some just out of reach. She turned, and asked for help. Standing behind her was a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence, who had come to light a candle. While the woman cleared a path, the Sister tucked in her veil and hiked up her dress. Gently, she placed her Doc Martens amongst the flowers and flames. She reached down and grabbed two or three candle holders, so that they could be safely lit. When the Sister stepped away from the memorial, I realized that I'd been holding my breath, for fear that her habit would catch fire.

Soon after I gave my candle to someone standing there, and walked away.

One other thing: I happened to run into my cousin and his lover while I was in the Castro. I hadn't seen or talked to Mike in literally years; I don't really know what happened between us, but we moved apart. Anyway, we hugged and caught up a little bit, and exchanged phone numbers. Mike's brother (also gay) lives in the city too, I was glad to hear. Jeez, I've been away from them for too long. I've been feeling a need to reconnect, and here's my chance.

posted by Bill at 1:10 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

friday september 14 2001

foreign
All day today, Kristin has been tracking down stories about anti-Arab hate and prejudice in the US and the world, in the light of Tuesday's events.

On Saturday, Kristin chose a word at one of the SF Fray Day interactive art projects. Her word was 'foreign', which confused her at the time. I think it must have been prophetic. You're doing a great job of reminding us how dangerous the concept of "foreign" can be, especially when angers are high.

(My Fray word, by the way, was "voluptuous". Good for a laugh, I guess, but I haven't been feeling too voluptuous lately.)

posted by Bill at 4:23 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (1)]

...
Wow, that last entry of mine read like something from last month. Life is going on, slowly but surely. I'm not sure if I'm ready yet. Work can keep me busy enough, but there's still time to process as I need to.

Interesting to note that on my page right now, the only non-WTC related entries are about the Oresteia. I bought a paperback translation of it today. I need to reread it, I think. Thoughts of vengeance, bloodlust, vendetta, retribution and revenge are running high. The third play of the Oresteia, by the way, is one of the only extant Greek tragedies to end on a positive note: the spirits of vengeance are banished, hope is in the air, and we're reminded that the institution of law (as opposed to vendetta) is on its way. I suspect real-life resolution will not be so easy.

At lunch I went to the bookstore and picked up several newsmagazines. The special editions of Time and Newsweek are out now. If you haven't cried yet, the new issue of Time (some photos online) may push you over the edge. I had to sit in my car for a few minutes before driving back to work.

Also, on the radio the local radio station had a minute of silence at 12:30, followed by Sarah MacLachlan's "Angel". That one always makes me cry, if I make myself listen to the words and music. I listened in the car.

I don't usually cry at the drop of a hat. I guess a lot of hats have dropped.

posted by Bill at 1:33 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

don't sleep
Fynsworth Alley's web-exclusive limited edition of the original Broadway cast recording of Subways Are For Sleeping is now available for pre-order. Six bonus tracks!

The 1962 score is by Jule Styne, with lyrics by Betty Comden & Adolph Green. The cast included Sydney Chaplin,Carol Lawrence, Orson Bean and (future Mrs. Adolph Green) Phyllis Newman.

Here's a fascinating article on the elaborate newspaper critics hoax that producer David Merrick pulled to get publicity for the show, complete with the infamous ad. Merrick found seven New Yorkers with the same name as the major theater critics of the era. So he took these regular joes to the theater, wined them and dined them, and then printed their enthusiastic reviews, identified only with their name and photo. The ad only ran in one paper, but it certainly generated notoriety.

posted by Bill at 11:04 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (2)]

paranoia's for the rich
and Joe Clark, apparently.

[For those just coming in: In a comment on Jish's blog entry (in which Jish described the not-so-subtle racist incident he experienced on Wednesday morning), Joe wrote: The correct course of action in a case like this is not, in fact, to collapse like a schoolgirl and pump your inexplicably adoring fans for sympathy. [...] Wow. Jish-wishy got his feewings huwt. The next time somebody calls me a fag, can I get the same 82 condolence postings? Or is that somehow different?

Don't miss this oddly intrusive weblog entry about Jockohomo and Little Minx.]

posted by Bill at 10:18 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

yeah, what he said
Jonathan has an open letter to online friends in New York:

Don't get survivor's guilt. It's you and people like you who will rebuild the city's community, rebuild the connections to the outside world through your blogging, carry on and reshape the future of your city. Show us all that there is hope for New York.

Amen.

posted by Bill at 7:44 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

thursday september 13 2001

together wherever
The production of Gypsy currently running in St. Louis opened last Friday. They were dark on Tuesday, but performed last night. After the show, the cast did a curtain speech and raised over $1200 for the Red Cross. Expect more appeals like this in the weeks and months ahead.

This is the theater that Brad works for, if you were curious.

posted by Bill at 10:36 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

won't you take a moment to answer?
Interesting question over at blogasm: What are you doing to take care of yourself right now?

posted by Bill at 10:14 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

no last name required
A mailing list that I'm on has been active with New Yorkers checking in to let everyone know that they're OK. One of these messages ended with the following sentence:

In the midst of this insanity, we can hopefully take some comfort in the consolation that this country will — just like Judy's talent — go on.

posted by Bill at 4:27 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (3)]

inevitable?
The Broadway production of Assassins has been indefinitely postponed due to the tragedy.

Here's a quote of Samuel Byck's from the show ("Lenny" is Leonard Bernstein; Byck is speaking a paranoid monologue into a tape recorder, intending to mail the recording to the composer):

"You know the world's a vicious, stinking pit of emptiness and pain. But not for long. I'm gonna change things, Lenny. I'm gonna drop a 747 on the White House and incinerate Dick Nixon. It's gonna make the news. You're gonna hear about it..."

Here's what songwriter Stephen Sondheim and book-writer John Weidman had to say:

"Assassins is a show which asks audiences to think critically about various aspects of the American experience. In light of Tuesday�s murderous assault on our nation and on the most fundamental things in which we all believe, we, the Roundabout, and director Joe Mantello believe this is not an appropriate time to present a show which makes such a demand."

Is there no other way?

posted by Bill at 4:15 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

archiving
Because of the ephemeral nature of some sites, Jason has put together an archive of weblogs from Tuesday and Wednesday. It's the product of countless hours of work. It's not just a list of links; he has put the pages on his own server.

posted by Bill at 10:28 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

heroes
I'd heard stories yesterday about a cell-phone call from UA flight 93, the one where people knew that other planes had been hijacked, the one where a San Ramon man told his wife that "I know we're all going to die - there's three of us who are going to do something about it."

It looks like gay rugby player Mark Bingham might have been one of those men. He was 6 foot 5. Take a look at him, you tell me.

UA 93 was the only one of the four hijacked planes to crash into the ground. The passengers were aware of what had happened in New York, thanks to cell phone calls with their family. The cockpit recorder even provides some support that a struggle occurred on board. Who knows how many lives were saved by the fact that it never reached its intended destination?

posted by Bill at 7:52 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (2)]

assassins
Someone posted a message on the CASTREC-L mailing list which said (rough paraphrase) "we're in a new era now, we certainly don't need musicals like Assassins which examine the dark side, negativism is a product of the 20th century that we're outgrowing."

Mark wrote the following response, with a little help from some friends.

Oh yeah. Definitely. To hell with examining and contemplating all sides to a story. If we just ignore it, close our eyes and plug our ears, it'll all go away. Bring on the dancing elephants. Turn off the news. Shut the blinds. We really shouldn't be talking about any of this. We should put blinders on and sing the national anthem until all of our problems disappear. It won't do us a lick of good to do anything but look for the silver linings.
How frightening.
Come on along and listen to
The lullaby of Broadway
The hip hooray and bally hoo
The lullaby of Broadway
The rumble of the subway train
The rattle of the taxis
The daffy-dills who entertain
Until the dawn
Good night, baby
Good night, milkman's on his way
The only rumbles I've heard of around Broadway in the past several days certainly haven't come from a subway. And as much as I love those daffy-dills and dream of the magic of the theatre and the Broadway we all know and love, there's more to society than that.
I'm not saying 42nd Street has no place on Broadway. It certainly does. And I'll see it a thousand times. But to suggest that we pay no attention to anything without glitter, flashing lights, and pretty girls singing about how wonderful the world is... well that'd be a sad state of affairs for the theatre world and society in general. Do we turn off the news and pretend it doesn't exist? Do we agree to only talk, discuss, and debate issues that leave us all with warm and fuzzy feelings?
One of the fascinating aspects of Assassins is that in an hour and a half it forces the audience to see just how wrong these people were. Now, of course they were wrong. We know that. Perhaps you assumed Assassins was a musical comedy with historical characters doing the can-can and laughing up a storm.
"All you have to do is move your little finger - you can shut down the New York Stock Exchange. Shut down schools in Indonesia. In Florence, Italy, a woman will leap from the Duomo clutching a picture of your victim and cursing your name. Your wife will weep. His wife will weep. The world will weep. Grief. Grief beyond imagining. Despair. The death of innocence and hope...."
Have you seen Assassins? Assassins isn't negative. Assassins expresses what society feels. Everyone. It shines a light on the futility of striking back blindly. The act of our assassins have surely been negative, to say the least. But the examination of assassins in the musical Assassins helps to understand just what it takes to go to that extreme. And even if it didn't, even if it was the most negative piece of theatre imaginable, I'd much rather see Assassins than Mamma Mia or 42nd Street.
These people who have been behind the evil that has taken place in our country this week, whoever they turn out to be, they practiced their evil for reasons. Whatever these reasons are, be they political, religious, or merely a stomach ache, they hijacked these planes, killed tens of thousands of people including themselves... they did these for their reasons. They thought they would help to fix their problems. And did they? Where's their prize now?
And it didn't mean a nickel.
You just shed a little blood.
And a lot of people shed a lot of tears.
Yes, you made a little moment.
And you stirred a little mud.
But it didn't fix the stomach
And you've drunk your final Bud.
And it didn't help the workers
And it didn't heal the country.
And it didn't make them listen.
And they never said "We're sorry".
In "The Assassination of America," Anthony DiSanto describes Assassins as having a moment in which "all of the musical's fragments have coalesced into a chilling vision of trampled dreams and corrupted innocence, of evil reaching out to evil, of that underside of American existence we would all rather ignore standing up and shouting, 'No! I am here, I exist, and I am not going to go away!'" No matter how much you close your eyes, they'll still be there.
Porter, Hart, Hammerstein, and yes, Sondheim demand that you pay attention, listen, are aware of what's going on. Even so, I vote that you enjoy your Berlin. I have nothing against Berlin. But to say that we don't need to examine anything less than positive, to suggest that it won't do a lick of good, to suggest that we ignore anything that might make us think about just why we have problems in this world... that seems to me the most frighteningly apathetic statement I've heard in a long time.
Bright and happy art is not going to solve anything. Is Assassins? Who knows. Obviously not for you. For me? It certainly makes me think. I find it sad that you don't want to. If you shut the world out and force the monsters back under the bed, they've won. They have the power and you have none.
I'm just as frightened of people who suggest things like you have as I am of those who are so quick to demand retaliation for what has happened. "An eye for an eye and the whole world would be blind." You claim that examining our fractured society and looking at issues through shows like Assassins "never does us any good." What frightens me is that you'd rather be deaf to such shows. You can count me as one who hopes more than anything that our nation keeps both its eyes and ears open, especially in this time of great crisis.

Me again: dark times ahead. I'm with Mark: we have to pay attention, to be critical, to ask "Why?". Now more than ever.

posted by Bill at 12:32 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

wednesday september 12 2001

relearning to fly
OK, I'm not afraid of flying. I certainly am not afraid of being hijacked, although I'm sure the thought will go through my mind once or twice.

Hell, for me, is other travelers, and I'm afraid that being stuck with a large group of nervous, scared, jokey, chatty travelers will seriously drive me over the edge.

I once nearly had a panic attack being in the audience at David Mixner's reading at A Different Light. I just looked around at everyone else asking stupid questions and I just had to get out. Looking back, that may have been a rational response, which is why I'm hesitant to label it a panic attack.

I think I can get through it, as long as I don't have to hear ANYONE at the airport say the words: World Trade Center, jihad, war, hijack, Pentagon, Arab, Afghanistan, Taliban, Osama, victim, terrorist, president, flag, country, patriotism, or Bush.

Er, I guess I'll bring my walkman.

posted by Bill at 8:34 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

reservations
Did I mention that we had reservations to fly today? That as late as yesterday afternoon, Michael was thinking that we'd still try to go out today? That as late as this morning he was talking about trying to fly tomorrow?

Did I mention that we've got new reservations for next Wednesday?

Did I mention that I'm not sure if I can do it?

posted by Bill at 5:18 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (6)]

dumb things i've noticed
From Blogger's chronological search of blogs mentioning the WTC bombing, the first real one is from James of BroadwayStars, while the tenth is Andy of Andy's Chest.

On Blogdex's list of popular new links, Andy's Chest is #11, Bertie is #15, and East/West is #20.

posted by Bill at 4:35 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

chilling
So, Broadway is back in business tomorrow night. As David pointed out, Urinetown is postponing its Broadway opening in wake of the tragedy, so tomorrow's performance will be a "preview". Too bad.

And Mike reminded me about Samuel Byck, the would-be assassin of Richard Nixon. (Byck is a non-singing character in Sondheim's musical Assassins.) Here's a summary, from this site:

Samuel Byck (February 1974). Samuel Byck, a failed businessman with a history of mental illness, was investigated by the Secret Service in 1972 on the basis of reports that he had threatened President Nixon. In 1974, he hatched a plan called "Operation Pandora's Box" to hijack a commercial airliner and crash it into the Executive Mansion. On February 22, less that week after the Preston incident, Byck went to Baltimore/Washington International Airport carrying a pistol and gasoline bomb. He forced his way onto a Delta flight destined for Atlanta by shooting a guard at the security checkpoint. He entered the cockpit and ordered the crew to take off. After the crew informed him that they could not depart without removing the wheel blocks, Byck shot the pilot twice and the co-pilot three times (the co-pilot died). Police outside the airplane shot into the cockpit and hit Byck twice. Byck fell to the floor, put the revolver to his head and killed himself.

The "Preston incident" involved an Army private who stole an Army helicopter from Fort Meade and landed it on the lawn 150 yards from the West Wing, with the Secret Service apparently unaware of what was going on. He flew back to Fort Meade, somehow garnered attention of the authorities, and then went back to the White House where he was shot down; he emerged with only slight injuries.

posted by Bill at 4:00 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

another national anthem
Discussion on CASTREC-L (the cast recording mailing list) reminds me that the first Broadway production of Stephen Sondheim's ASSASSINS was supposed to open later this season (fall? early spring?). It was originally produced in the winter of 1990, but the political climate of the Gulf War precluded a Broadway transfer.

So, will it be possible to open this extremely dark musical in the new era which is dawning? In case you're wondering, the show looks at presidential assassins (Booth, John Hinkley, even Oswald in a non-singing role) to examine the American dream, and where it went wrong. Not exactly the best time for it to open, I'm guessing.

James also points out that URINETOWN is supposed to have its big Broadway opening tomorrow night. What do you do?

posted by Bill at 1:43 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (3)]

...
Beau is a nurse in Manhattan. Normally he works in the lab, but of course he jumped into the ER yesterday. He's managed to sneak a few entries in along the way. Fascinating, and I'm so glad that people like him are there to help out.

Can I just say how amazed I am by the work that Choire has been doing on his blog yesterday and today? Yesterday, all the links and stories. Today, it's aftermath photos.

Sparky has also been doing an amazing job. Keep us informed, and post some pics when you get a chance.

Yesterday, Charlie tried to vote as an act of defiance against terrorism. Today, he's making sandwiches to bring down to rescue workers in lower Manhattan. A heart the size of Texas.

Looks like we can expect more from Andy, who wrote some early entries that absolutely made me realize the magnitude of what happened.

Mike has also been keeping us informed. I know this sounds trite, but I'm really glad that you were able to pick up the CD of tick..tick..Boom today. You've got to do something to stay sane.

Bryan has posted his account, complete with pictures. He lives on 15th Avenue, one block from the cutoff for lower Manhattan.

Jeff has written an unbelievable entry. Seriously, it's probably his best entry ever. It encompasses: shopping at the World Trade Center Gap, hot sex, therapy, being stuck in Manhattan, walking to Brooklyn, taking the subway back to Times Square, realizing a friend was probably in the building, and finally riding the train back home to New Jersey.

And then there's James, who used to work in the World Trade Center. Who was in his office when the bomb blew up in the garage: "It took place and then it was over. We were afraid of smoke and fire, but it NEVER crossed our minds that the building would come down." Who saw both plane crashes yesterday morning from his Soho office. And somehow, he still managed to post the relevant Broadway and theatre related posts, such that there are.

Just to stay sane, here's Ron's old photo album of our trip to New York, with photos of all of the above-mentioned fellas (except James).

posted by Bill at 12:22 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

look away
Once again, Mark Morford says the right thing, or at least what I need to hear right now:

But then there comes that point after hours and hours of coverage, after countless images and replays of jetliners smashing into towers and people running in horror down dust-blasted streets, of buildings collapsing and rescue efforts thwarted, of bodies and fires and impenetrable horror, the human mind automatically hits a barrier of tolerance, a tragedy threshold whereby no more can be taken in for awhile, no further devastation can be digested, you just go a little numb and you have to look away, for a short while.
There is a small amount of guilt attached to this feeling....

It's the only way that I know to cope right now. So if you want to look at something else: look at this.

posted by Bill at 9:18 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

sound of silence
This new place is near the San Francisco airport. I just heard a plane overhead, although all flights are supposed to be grounded until 9 am pacific. I wonder if it was another jet fighter?

posted by Bill at 6:44 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

yesterday
I listened to the radio on the way to work yesterday morning. I was driving alone, because Mike and I were originally planning to fly to Arizona today to get some furniture from his family home, and we both had different things that we needed to do. I put on the morning talk show that we normally listen to, and I could hear a degree of somber confusion in their voices as they discussed "those pictures of New York". I couldn't tell what was going on, so I switched to the CBS news AM station. The reports were flying: both World Trade center towers, the pentagon, a crash in Pennsylvania. They were also reporting that a plane was downed near Camp David, possibly by US planes. (This was later retracted, and since then they have said that the Pennsylvania plane was the one that had been headed for Camp David.)

When I got to work, I checked email and started surfing the web. All my meetings and everyday business of the day were cancelled. I was so relieved to see Choire and Dan posting, keeping me informed, letting me know who all had checked in. I was chilled to read Andy's posts -- the first time I cried actually, but certainly not the last. Later, I found that my friend James had witnessed the whole thing as well.

At work, we were told early on not to stream video, because everyone in the company was attempting to do so all at once. There were a couple of TVs on, but I couldn't watch them with everyone. Mike left work early, and he called from home, upset and bewildered. I left about 10 minutes later.

I called my dad from the car home, got the situation at the air force base. They were at threatcon delta (or whatever), but he was home for lunch. My mom and brother were still at work; my other brother and sister still at school. Life goes on, you know.

We've been moving to a new place, and the carpets were still not done. So, we didn't have a TV set up anywhere, and of course no internet access. Mike and I went over to the old apartment to grab some laundry. We sat in a laundrymat for about almost two hours I guess; I had my notebook out and wrote down some impressions.

The carpet guy was still not done. Mike wanted to set up the TV anyway, so he stayed. I left, hoping to find an internet cafe or something. I talked to Chris and later Drew -- the pretext was our postponed plans to go out of town to Arizona, but really I wanted to reassure myself that everyone was OK.

I finally found a Kinko's, and was able to post a lot of my earlier thoughts. Managed to IM with Choire, Philo, Chris and David.

When I finally got home, it was almost seven and I had still not watched any footage. I set up the computer in one of the bedrooms that was finished, and tried to install the free trial subscription of AOL. After many false tries, I finally got it working. (I bet you didn't know that the ADSL jack is different from the modem jack on the back of the computer. If you did know that, you should have told me and saved me about an hour-and-a-half's worth of grief.)

Mike kept calling me into the room with the TV, but every time I did I missed the "good" footage. We had the TV on when we went to bed, but I made him change to Nick at Nite. I'd rather deal with Jack, Chrissy, Janet and Mr. Roper than try to go to sleep with carnage on the TV.

It didn't help my sleep much.

posted by Bill at 6:41 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

tuesday september 11 2001

good news
I saw George on Sunday, had lunch and ice cream with him. He posted a wonderful photo essay about the event, complete with scary picture of me.

I somehow forgot that he was planning to go to New York this week. Turns out, he and his wife arrived OK TODAY. Go read his entry.

posted by Bill at 9:27 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

random notes
Grabbed a note pad and took down some impressions of today. Sorry for the randomness, but I don't really care:

The only good thing about work was the internet access, which helped me check up on my friends. Otherwise: just huddles of scared people watching tv, whispering, and passing on rumors. I had to get out of there.

Driving up 101 toward the San Francisco airport today, I saw a flashing sign at the Aviation Museum. The message "SFO FLIGHTS CANCELLED" was interspersed with "GOD BLESS AMERICA".

Talked to my dad (who's stationed at an air force base down on the central coast of California) earlier today. He told me that he saw someone on one of the local stations say, "Hey, today's date is nine-one-one. I wonder if that has anything to do with all this?"

There were two motorcycle cops grabbing lunch where Mike and I stopped to eat. Midway through their meal they got up to get to-go bags. They told the lady behind the counter that they'd just been called off their lunch to go to the airport immediately.

As we drove through San Francisco, we were listening to a music station that was simulcasting its all-news sister station. Flipping through the dial, most of the stations were playing news. One station was playing a song: "Angel" by Sarah MacLachlan. Guaranteed to make you cry. After the song, the dj took a call from a teen-aged girl on the verge of tears, trying to comprehend the tragedy. The dj couldn't answer, couldn't really do anything other than help her grieve.

The only thing I've ever gone through that was remotely similar was when I was a freshman in college. The first week of classes at the University of Florida in the fall of 1990, five college students were murdered. The panic, the rumors, the fear, the utter chaos -- the reaction that I'm witnessing here and now mirrors what I remember from there and then. Except, that was focused mostly on one county in Florida, while this is the ENTIRE NATION.

I'm so afraid of the rhetoric that's flying around this country right now. War? We don't have any idea of who's to blame. It's going to be so easy to tip this country into a war against whatever target they choose. How long until we start seeing yellow ribbons everywhere?

I've noticed I've been talking about prayer more today than I ever have in the past. The Catholic in me wants to get out the rosary, light a bunch of candles, and ask the right saints to intercede. I think we all could use some intercession right now. Me, I'm praying for peace.

posted by Bill at 6:01 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (1)]

at a kinkos
No net access at home, but I found a Kinko's and I'm checking up on everyone. I've got AIM access, but I can't see my buddy list so I probably don't know you're online. Give me a holler if you like: BillBway.

Got an email from Jeff, who is OK. People were worried, Jeff; I wasn't the only one.

posted by Bill at 5:32 pm - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

ok
I'm heading home. No internet access for a while, though. My prayers and thoughts are in New York right now, and everywhere else this crap is happening.

posted by Bill at 11:32 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

i'm scared
Mike just called from the highway, on his way home from work. He could see at least five jet fighters circling San Francisco. We could hear them fly over our building here in Silicon Valley. I went outside and I could see one passenger jet being escorted on its way to SFO. I don't know if it's being escorted in a good way, or a bad way.

posted by Bill at 11:16 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

a first
I arrived at work a little bit before 9 am, but of course I'd been listening to the radio for the entire commute. Sitting in my inbox was my first piece of HIJACK RELATED SPAM, received at 8:54 am. I guess I'm on the "Coffee Cup" mailing list because I bought software from them. I like the product, so I don't mind getting an occasional update. But the email, from the CEO of Coffee Cup, was just insane.

posted by Bill at 10:46 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise]

reactions from the field
NYC:
Andy's Chest aka Andy
Blogstalker aka Charlie
BroadwayStars aka James, Matthew et al.
Camworld aka Cam
East/West aka Choire
GGWoo aka Beau
Saranwarp aka Dori
Super Hyper Demon Child aka Bertie
Ultrasparky aka Dan

DC:
FredoSite aka Fredo

Checked in and are ok:
Anil Dash aka Anil (NYC)
Time is the Enemy aka Bryan (NYC)
Useless Worthless Insipid aka Mike (NYC)
Vicious Thinks aka Dave (DC)

Checked in via email, and is ok:
suck-my-big.org aka Catherine (NYC)
added at 5:20 pm Tinman aka Jeff (NYC)

Jonno has been keeping track of other webfolk who have checked in with him.

posted by Bill at 9:43 am - [i'll link to that] [sing out, louise (1)]