Bliznog |
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Tuesday, September 11, 2001
Now is not the time for anger. Now is the time for action. We WILL clear the rubble. We WILL mourn our dead. We WILL heal the pains. We WILL come together. and we WILL let our anger seethe and forge itself into a cold and calculated response that will bring the fury of God down upon those responsible. We WILL learn from this and we WILL remember. Thursday, August 16, 2001
Monday, August 06, 2001
I have decided to type up a few movie reviews for the masses. I will keep them short and to the point as much as possible. Don’t yell at me if you’ve seen the movie already…because I don’t care. Planet of the Apes. Marky Mark chases a space monkey into a purple storm. He crashes on an ape planet. The apes beat the piss out of him. Some chick monkey buys him and helps him ride horses in the desert. Marky Mark finds his old ship, and realizes he is in the future. The ship sprays fire at some bad monkeys, and the little monkey from the beginning brings Marky Mark a space ship. Marky Mark flies back into the purple storm and crashes into Abraham Lincon…but he’s a monkey. Fight Club Ed Norton doesn’t like his job and he buys stuff from IKEA and goes to support meetings for diseases he doesn’t have. He meets Brad Pitt on an airplane, and then his apartment blows up. Ed and Brad get drunk and beat each other up. They live together in a shit hole and start Fight Club. Meatloaf shows up with big titties and they fight. Brad starts doing anarchy things and Ed gets mad. Oh yeah…ugly Helen Bonham Carter and Brad have lots of sex. Brad decides to blow stuff up and Ed realizes that Brad is a creation of his own mind. Ed beats the crap out of himself and then blows a hole through his cheek. Brad goes away. Some other stuff blows up and Brad Pitt falls off a bike while wearing a robe. The Matrix Keanu Reeves leaves Wyld Stallyn and becomes a computer nerd. Some chick in leather tells him he is the one or something. He wakes up in a slime pod and then he meets Lawrence Fishburne and they give him drugs and stuff. He learns Kung-Fu and runs around with guns. There is some jumping and sunglasses. Bullets go real slow later on, and some girls jumps real high. I think Keanu gets Wyld Stallyn back together again at the end. Rushmore A geek falls in love with a hot teacher, and Bill Murray is an ass because he likes her too. That’s pretty much about it. I’ll do some more reviews from time to time. Friday, August 03, 2001
You know how some people say , “how you like them apples?”. I say, “Do you like prunes?…HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM PRUNES!!!!”….I just think it sounds cooler. Note to self, Quit hospital job before next full moon cycle. The next two weeks I eat, drink, breathe, sleep Cisco. CCNA test on August 15th. I think I’ll pass it with no problem, but it’s still stressing me out. Not looking forward to the impending job search, but at least it will be better than where I am right now. Why do fat people constantly talk about food. All day long…talking about food…commenting on my food…eating food…where to go out to eat…etc. It’s irritating to a skinny bitch like me. The fat lady at work was just talking about Kory Stringer and said, “the whole situation gives me chills.” I said…”nice Juxtaposition.” She said “huh?” I said, “you said chills…he died of heat exhaustion…juxtaposition.” She just looked at me blankly Read some fucking books America…your starting to piss me off. Friday, July 27, 2001
I had a dream last night. I was dreaming of a delicious Bar-B-Q (always capitalize) where many hotties and interesting people were milling about and grilling beef hot dogs. The smell was making me hungry and I started to gravitate towards the Q to snatch a hot beefy dog. As I was sauntering over to the grill I overheard a hippie chick explaining to her friend that the greasy sizzling dogs I was about to consume, in fact, were made with, "100% CARP". Th ebeef smell turned to rotting fish and I woke up with a stomach ache and nausea. Fuckin Carp. I've rediscovered Snapple. It's good. I will drink more of it. I've stopped reading for pleasure and am currently only reading books with the words "routing", "switching", and "networks" in the title. I've got my CCNA Cisco test in less than a month and I need to get ready. I don't think this CCNA certification will automatically get me a job, but it'll be a nice addition to my boring resume. I'm just looking for normal hours doing something I don't hate. Is that too much to ask? This new guy at work and I are on a Chrisopher Walken kick. We keep watching the SNL's Star Wars Screen Test sketch with Kevin Spacey doing Christopher Walken auditioning for the part of Han Solo. Good stuff Good Stuff. The wife and I went out for dinner at Damon's last Saturday. I had a delicious shrimp scampe and she had some chicken. We watching Lezbo-ball (softball). That sport is weird. Why don't girls just play baseball? They can throw, run, catch. They can play BASEBALL. Softball is for drunk adults with bad backs. After dinner we went and saw "America's Sweethearts". The movie was mediocre. It had some humorous moments, but all in all it need more Walken. He was in it briefly, and was pretty insane and filthy. Cuzaque was able to poke fun at himself with the "standing in the rain" gag. Zeta-Jones bugs me. I mean yeah, she's got cans and gams, but whatever. She played a bitch and either needed to be more bitchy or more human. Her character was too middle of the road. The best part of the movie is when this Swami-esque psychologist/self-help/earthy/hippie/therapist says to Billy Crystal. "Life is like a cookie." Friday, July 13, 2001
I keep attempting to vomit on myself. It doesn't seem to be working, but that's not for lack of trying. I'm getting older and my digestive track is rebelling against my feeble body. The days of yore are gone. I can no longer bong a 2 liter or Tobasco sauce while smoking half a pack of cigarettes and telling a joke about a Jew a Priest and the Ayatollah walking into a bar. I think I actually have to start watching what I eat, and make some attempts to get some damn fiber in my diet. I wish pen caps were made of fiber, I eat about 6 of them a week. My Mom used to say I should have been a lawyer because I am, what she terms, "an Injustice Collector." If people do me wrong, I usually shake it off or tell them to fuck themselves gently with a broomstick. When people do mean or wrong things to people I don't' even know, I get fucking enraged. There have been about 6 cases of this at work this week, and for legal and confidentiality reasons, I cannot discuss them. Suffice to say, society is in a world of shit. Basic human decency and common sense do not exist anymore. I'm starting to think that all of the child abuse in the 50's actually did some good. At least people had a sense of shame back then. I blame it on all this PC bullshit that passes itself off as proper human behavior. Our society has been brow beaten into politeness, and no one dares call a foul a "foul". Most of the time I just want to grab motherfuckers and scream in their face, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!…IT'S NOT RACISM WHEN SOMEONE GETS MAD AT YOU FOR BEING A ROYAL SHIT!!!!…YOU ARE A PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE!!!!….I DON'T CARE WHAT COLOR YOU ARE!!!!…YOU ARE A FUCK!!! I feel much better now. Thankyoudrivethrough Tuesday, July 10, 2001
Sometime in the next week, I will be ordering my new uber boner-inducing computer rig. If you don't mind some cream in your jeans…read on. Athlon 1.4 Gig 266 bus speed processor 256 Megs 2100 DDR Ram. GeForce 3 for all your gaming pleasures. 40 Gig IBM Harddrive and other trinkets. Wipe that spuzz off of your pants suckers! This weekend I am going to Cold Spring MN for a family reunion and a wedding on my Mother's side. It should be a good time. I am a geek, but I love my family. We all get along extremely well, and know how to enjoy ourselves. Apparently there will be canoeing, games, a brief wedding, and some beers. I was laying in bed half naked (stop touching your pachinas!) and reading Bloom County. Bloom County rules all comics. Bloom County is #1. All other comics are #2 or less. Jess and I had some grandiose plans for Basselope.org. I hope one day they can come to fruition. I really want to do my piece on Bill the Cat interviewing Old Dirty Bastard. My friends and I have been playing a new game on Sunday evenings. We sit around the fire pit and someone blurts out a line from a movie and we have to guess which movie it's from. It gets pretty intense after a while. We are yelling, "BRING IT!" or "GET SOME!" at each other when a lull in the game occurs. Johnny White Trash stumped us all with a stellar quote from Howard The Duck. Fuck you White Trash. |
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