@ 9:00 AM

As yesterday morning wore on, my lower back hurt more and more, and my head was pounding/eyes felt a little unfocused, so I decided to go down to Volunteers in Medicine, who redirected me to the emergency room 1.) because the ER could see me immediately and 2.) the ER was equipped to handle a city bus insurance claim. After more waiting than examining, I was deemed to be concussion-free and no broken tailbone, just lots of bruising. I was let go with a prescription for Vicodan -- and it wasn't until I got to the pharmacy that I realized it had not been signed by the doctor and was therefore unfillable *sigh*.

Luckily, we had some Vicodan from Andra's bout with stomach pain, and I took a half of one before heading off to Fool's Paradise (I was not the one driving) for tea with friends. There is a relaxing, peaceful atmosphere there, couches to lounge on and gentle jazz music lazily breezing through the air. My pot of rose congou tea was incredibly good, and I had a sugar cookie freshly frosted and topped with fragrant lavender. It was just what I'd needed.

I leafed through a section of yesterday's New York Times I cried when I saw the full page ad placed by government of Canada, offering condolences for the devasating effects of a week ago. Canadians share the loss of loved ones and friends. On Friday our nation mourned with you for the victims of the terrorist attacks. We share your outrage, grief, compassion and resolve. The people of Canada are with you every step of the way. As friends. As neighbors. As family. It's like having your very best friend, your sister, living right next door.

...talk...

@ 8:24 AM

Take my word for it that it is a bad idea for bus drivers to step on the gas and lurch their behemoth vehicles forward before their passengers are seated, especially at 6:30 in the morning, when the ground is dewy and damp. The ground moved under my feet despite the rubber soles of my shoes, and as I landed with a thud onto the ground, I likely sounded like I had possibly broken every bone in my body. I don't clearly remember anything but my voice issuing out of me. The worst part at first was not being able to breathe (wind knocked out of me), and as fellow passengers helped me into a seat, and the bus driver asked another passenger to hand me a pad and paper to write down my address and phone number. The names and contact info for witnesses was also taken down (per the driver's request).

After a weekend -- no, four days -- of working long hours, a day ahead of me of job searching and making follow-up phone calls, and working on a newsletter that should have gone out the first of the month, this is not what I needed.

...talk...

@ 10:19 PM

The first night of the festivities got cancelled last night, so we sat waiting to serve people that really never materialized. And when they did, there was a loud, metallic crash, and suddenly we were out of our seats, running to the door, wondering what had blown up or crashed, until we realized it was a thunderclap just over the bus station across the street. We stared at each other and wondered if we would have reacted the same way just a week earlier.

Thunder and lightning crashed and lit up the sky well into the night. There was me, resorting at last to earplugs and sleeping practically with a pillow over my eyes so that I could get enough rest to face another day downtown. Twice since I have lived in Oregon has it thunderstormed, and I have grown unaccustomed to them.

...talk...

@ 10:16 AM

I know all Americans have an enormous undirectable anger right now. I just wish statements like this weren't necessary.

...talk...

@ 10:10 AM

I won't even try to say it all because others have said it all before me.

I was surrounded by brick red rubble and bodies wherever I stepped. Illogically I wanted to take the dead out first, instead of searching for the living and treating them, and as I pulled on cold stiff limbs I cried and cried and realized that I would never have them all out.

That nightmare was over when I woke. Someone in Manhattan today, tomorrow, next week, will have to endure this nightmare and won't get the luxury of waking up.

From space, the big blue marble looks as if it's bleeding white.

...talk...

@ 9:01 AM

They played "Give Peace a Chance" on the radio (whether by accident or by design, I don't know). That's when I started to cry. Before that, I was just numb.

Until I can get in touch with my cousin Brian, my friend Michele, and my ex-college roommate Debbie, I won't feel totally secure.

Happy birthday Barbara, wherever you are.

...talk...