its a day of rememberance. instead of an american flag i have chosen to put this on this page. i have chosen this image as not an image of war, but an image of solidarity with all the women on this earth who have been injured or killed because violence against them because of their gender.
the symbology:
the red: blood. menstural blood. the thing that enables women to create life. the thing that is shed when we are hurt, the thing that leaves us when we are killed.
purple: unity. a coming together of the genders to protect the one that is hated.
the blur: softening the edges. reminding us of humanity. reminding us to be soft and kind with each other.
---------------
later..
i've been thinking about this. i've been thinking about my female symbol with the fist. people do all sorts of online campaigns. i think i'll start my own.. though i'm sure it won't go far, cause there aren't many readers of this blog..
but, that said, here's my thought. what about using the above and placing it on all our websites.. how about using this to signify your alliance with the women of the world who are terrorized everyday? i can make all sorts of versions. i can make banners. i can do what all sorts of other people have done.
*shrug*.. is it awful of me to use this for my own purposes? is it my own purpose? i think its the truth.
yeah, the more i think about it. the more i realize that i'm right.
everyday women are terrorized because of their gender, its time for it to stop.
hmm.. hopefully i'll get this up tonight.
Posted by brooke @ 10:41 AM PST [link] [18 comments]
09.17.01
its only 8.22am and my day already sucks.
i didn't want to wake up this morning. the cats were on me all night last night. at one point i had all 4 on my body. smudge spent a good deal of time wanting to bathe me, and ava, she was just a lump... i kept trying to move and she'd just stay there.. not making it easy. finally i just said, fuck this.. and moved to a comfy position and forced her off me.
orbit, one of my neighbor's cats is sick. i did something stupid, i picked him up and took him to k's apt, with all those cats. that was smart.. :P .. i'd make an appt and take him in today, but my carrier is missing its door, so i don't have a way to cart him in right now.
and now.. now i arrive at work.. monday feeling like it should be friday, and there is a group of people standing near my desk. luckily my desk has 3 desks, one in front and 2 on each side, so they can't crowd me.. but still, they are making too much noise and are too much people for a monday that sucks this bad.
no, it doesn't sound bad... but i feel like shit. udder shit.
Posted by brooke @ 08:28 AM PST [link] [No Comments]
09.16.01
okay, its time to put something positive here.
yes, today has been a good day.
i woke up at 8.30.. got out of bed at 9.30. put roof racks on my car, and realized i'm still strong enough to dead lift a kayak over my head, only 35lbs, but its good. it made me feel strong to hold my kayak up over my head with my arms straight, and walk around with it like that a weeeee tiny bit.
trip to costco.. spent money, but not a lot. i've read.. i'm reading bee season. its really good.
my friend (? we are neighbors, we are becomming friends, i think.. i suck at that) k and i were going to go boating, but she and i were both tired, so we didn't go. that was okay. i ended up reading, cleaning my car, vgbbbbbbb0p- -- and cuddling with my kitten.
the day finished up at k's.. conversation, cats, tea and my book (while she was doing something else)..
work tommorrow. time for bed.
Posted by brooke @ 10:18 PM PST [link] [No Comments]
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to disgusted woman..
you know, i find it rather cowardly that you don't identify yourself. you attack me and then hide in your anonymity.. if you really believe in what you've written to me, you'd identify yourself.
you disagree with me, others do too.. but at least i and them have the strength in our beliefs to identify ourselves.. we're not hiding.
i've said controversial things on this weblog. i've said things that could raise the eyebrows of the fbi (re: my support of the earth liberation front), but i don't hide. i'm not hiding behind the comfort of anonymity.
if you believe something, say it. if you believe in somethig you say, don't hide yourself.
for all the rest of y'all know, disgusted woman is an identity i made up to spurn discussion.
hey, wait. i like that.
okay, i admit it, i'm disgusted woman.
see.. now i even have the courage to take on what she said. even though she's really not me.
so, here i've attacked someone.. but there's something to learn from this..
what?
yes, its easy. say what you believe and have the courage to stand behind it. have the courage in your heart to know what you believe. have the courage to identify what you say as you, and not some hidden identity.. it will make what you say a lot more valid. people will listen to you, because they know that what you have said really comes from your heart, and that you have the strength to stand up for your views even in the face of adversity.
no, thats not said very eloquently, but i believe i've made my point.
Posted by brooke @ 11:50 AM PST [link] [9 comments]
09.15.01
there is an interesting discussion going on... about my campaign.
i have a lot to say. first, "disgusted woman".. you know, i'd like to know who you are.. it'd be interesting to open up a dialouge.
second. i'm changing the symbol. i'm having a friend design a female symbol with a goddess inside. my father pointed out to me that this symbol is a little to war like. i agreed.
third. i need to move forward. thats what gave me ths idea. i do that, after a death or a tragedy, i'll focus on it big time for a short time, and then i need to move forward.
i've grieved. i've grieved the loss of all the people who died. and i will continue to do it. i shed tears yesterday at the vigil, i almost broke down at the memorial for the fallen fire fighters and police folks, i feel it, and i will.. but thats a private thing now. thats something i won't be talking about, because its my grief. i've expressed my grief publically, i've held friends as they cried, i've held myself.. but i can't do it anymore. yes, after such a few days, i can't do it anymore. i need to move forward. i need to take action. i need control.. and this is my way of taking control.
yes, for me this moving forward is about a personal agenda. and i don't think i'm dishonoring anyone. i remember my brother telling me that i needed to go to my grandmother's funeral for her.. but you know, funerals aren't for the ones who have died, funerals are for the living. i didn't go because i was doing this on my own. my grandmother knew how i felt about her when she died. so, i mourned, but i moved on. i seriously grieved for about 2 days. and then i moved forward. and yet i still think of her. so, just because i'm going to stop crying, doesn't mean i'm dishonoring someone.
folks disagree with the fact that i'm focusing on women. well, you know, thats your perogative. i'm a radical feminist, and yes, my feminist related political activities are about women, not men. we have too much focus on them.
y'all might think my timing sucks. but this is my timing.. and in the end, if you don't like it, don't participate. do what you want. i don't care. yes, this is selfish. its selfish because this idea of mine is to make me feel better. and maybe others will take comfort.
yes, i put myself out there. i asked a question. and i got critisim. and i do appreciate it. it does make me think. but it doesn't change my mind.
i need to do what i do when i do it. and i appreciate that the rest of y'all do what you do when you do it.
Posted by brooke @ 10:55 PM PST [link] [1 Comment]
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its been thundering and lightening here for the last 3 hours. it never does this here. the willamette valley of oregon doesn't experience many storms.
i love this. gaea is alive and she's letting us know it. gaea is resillient and she's not going to stand in the face of evil and do nothing...
instead she is going to remind us that she is powerful, that she is spectactular. i think she is letting us know that good exists. that there is a more powerful force than the one that showed itself on september 11. others mght be scared, i, i am comforted.
Posted by brooke @ 12:07 AM PST [link] [No Comments]
09.14.01
okay, so i've been posting and reposting and posting some more about all this. time for some normalcy around here.
smudge. i need to get new pictures of him, i need to get all the old pictures downloaded off my camera, i need to put them someplace. i was taking a bath the other day and he jumped up on the side of the tub and all of a sudden i realized, he's not a kitten anymore. in the 4 weeks he's been with me he's grown. he's grown out of kittenhood into young adulthood. he's gotten longer. his face, well, his face is still that sweet kitten face, but his body, he's getting taller and longer. but, i'm grateful for the fact that he's staying as sweet as he was the day i met him.. that he is still as playful, still as proud of himself. i hope he won't change when i fix him, because right now he is a dream cat. well, except for that bathing my face in the middle of the night with a really rough tounge thing.. :)
les miserables. i love musicals. les miserables was the broadway type musical i ever saw. we went to the kennedy center in dc and saw it. that was in 9th grade. i fell in love with it. i got the music and have memorized all the words. its playing at the hult center and i have a ticket to see it on saturday afternoon. i can't wait. i can't wait for the re-experience all these years later, and now, now when i know the songs.. i'll be able to sing a long. i hope i don't bother the folks sitting near me.
the eugene celebration. the eugene celebration is this weekend. northwest of normal--- thats the theme. it seems appropriate. i like it. the buttons are cool, like last year. this year i'm gonna get a t-shirt. i'm planning on being along the parade route early in the morning. hmm.. maybe i'll even walk w/ the pflaggers. that means an early morning wake up. that means finding a black and white outfit. okay, that means finding my white bra, cause i got a black and white outfit (thanks to amber :D )..
anything else? hmmm.. thats about as normal as i can get right now. oh yeah, i just finished the book "my sister from the black lagoon".. i highly recommend it. and now i'm reading "bee season".. another good read.
now, if i can just get my ass in gear to get some work work done.
take care all.
Posted by brooke @ 11:18 AM PST [link] [No Comments]
09.13.01
Falwell blames gays, liberal groups for terrorist attacks
Anti-gay advocate makes remarks on '700 Club' broadcast; Robertson nods
approval
by Lou Chibbaro Jr.
Washington Blade
© 2001, Window Media LLC
WASHINGTON, Thursday, Sept. 13 - The Rev. Jerry Falwell said gays, feminists, "pagans," and a host of liberal advocacy groups have made "God mad" and must share the blame for the terrorist attacks this week that took the lives of thousands of Americans at the World Trade Center in New York and at the Pentagon outside Washington.
Falwell made his remarks Thursday, Sept. 13, while appearing on the religious television program The 700 Club, hosted by the Rev. Pat Robertson. Falwell and Robertson are among the nation's strongest opponents of gay civil rights.
"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way - all of them who have tried to secularize America - I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen,'" Falwell said on the program, which was broadcast nationally.
"Well, I totally concur," Robertson told Falwell, "and the problem is we have adopted their agenda at the highest levels of our government."
The comments by Falwell and Robertson came at a time when gay activists have joined leading Republicans and Democrats in calling for national unity and full, bipartisan support for President Bush's planned response to the terrorist attacks.
"The terrible tragedy that has befallen our nation, and indeed the entire global community, is the sad byproduct of fanaticism," said Lorri L. Jean, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
"It has its roots in the same fanaticism that enables people like Jerry Falwell to preach hate against those who do not think, live, or love in the exact same way he does," Jean said.
"The tragedies that have occurred this week did not occur because someone made God mad, as Mr. Falwell asserts," Jean continued, in a statement released Sept. 13. "They occurred because of hate, pure and simple."
In separate statements released this week, the national gay groups Log Cabin Republicans and National Stonewall Democrats condemned the terrorist attacks and declared their support for President Bush's efforts to respond to the incidents.
"Gay and Lesbian Americans across the nation are united today," said Log Cabin executive director Rich Tafel. "In the face of defending our nation together, all differences fall away, and all other issues pale in
comparison."
"This week's tragedy truly asks all of us to come together as a people to bury our dead, to comfort and heal all families and to rebuild this strong nation," the National Stonewall Democrats said in a statement. "Stonewall Democrats join in solidarity with all Americans in placing our loyal support behind our national government and our president."
The group added, "Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered Americans also have paid with their lives and their honor, and we join in saluting their sacrifices and those of every American who suffered these terrible, senseless events."
"Now is the time to join together behind our president and our government in defense of our nation," said Tafel of the Log Cabin group.
-------------------------------------
brooke responds..
its late, i'm tired. its been a long long long long week. i don't know how many emails i've sent out, how many people i've talked too, how much begging i have done for people to embrace those around them, for people to reach out to those who are hated and let them know that they are safe in their communities.
this country says that the muslims who call for the death of the american people are radicals, are people that we need to take out. talks of bombing afghanistan because they shelter bin Laden keeps going around.
but what about the radicals that we are sheltering?? what about the radicals who bush has in his right pocket. what about the fact that we are sheltering people, openly sheltering, people who are insighting this kind of hate? what about the fact that its being sent out on national tv and NONE, NONE of the media that i am watching is saying anything about these comments. NONE of the media is saying anything comforting.
today in salem oregon a man was arrested for taking down 7 american flags and throwing them in the willammette river. what aobut this? what about this kind of speech. this is clearly hate speech. this will clearly insight violence, i'm sure of this. why isn't jerry falwell being arrested? why isn't pat robertson being arrested?
how dare this country. how dare this country shelter people like jerry falwell and pat robertson so openly.
yeah, i hate the christian right. I OPENLY HATE THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT. no, i don't like to hate. but i hate the christian right because they are so loud, because our president has them in his back pocket.. and when they say something like this, no one says anything. because its just accepted. its accepted as free speech.
instead of showing palestians parading on the streets, lets show some of our true colors. lets show some of our radicals. lets do it. I DARE THE MEDIA. i dare the media to shine a true light on this country.
dammit. i'm angry. i'm angry beyond words. i can't tell you how angry i am.
i'll probably rewrite this in the morning. after a nights sleep. after sometime gazing in the eyes of my four cats. but i might not. maybe.. hopefully i'll rewrite it so i can convey my thoughts better. instead of just right now, when my gut is yelling, when i'm tired, after a long day.
Posted by brooke @ 09:55 PM PST [link] [1 Comment]
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i just can't do it. i just can't get behind all this god bless america stuff that is going around. i can't get into the patriotism that has all of a sudden hit this country because of september 11, 2001.
people talk about all of a sudden not feeling safe. has anyone bothered to talk to someone who hasn't felt safe all along? has anyone bothered to think about brandon teena, matthew sheppard, robert byrd and how safe they felt as they were being killed because of their gender identity, their sexual orientation, their race?
has anyone bothered to think about all the iraqi people who die everyday because of our economic sanctions? has anyone bothered to think about the serbians?
no. we are being selfish, as usual. as usual the average american doesn't understand that thousands of people die everyday because of our policies.
our president is calling this the beginning of the war. our president hasn't said anything about not attacking the innocent, the innocent that people perceive as being enemies in their own country.
my coworkers were talking today about how some of our rights might start being taken away.
i got angry. i got angry because i already know what its like not to have the same rights as others. my coworker didn't know that i could loose my housing, my job, my child because i'm gay.
no. i can't do it. i can't get behind america. i can't get behind our president. others find him comforting, i find him stressful. he doesn't care. he doesn't care what kind of hate he is insighting. the media doesn't care.
but. i will get behind the human beings. i will get behind my family, friends, loved ones, strangers who are all affected by this. i will tell them that i care for them, that i care for their well being. but that has nothing to do with america. it has to do with humanity.
Posted by brooke @ 12:27 PM PST [link] [5 comments]
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"In this time when our entire nation is experiencing a sense of loss, not only for so many individuals but for our sense of safety and security, it is important to recognize that some Americans never had that feeling of safety. We want to gather together to commemorate the loss of one such person, Loni Okaruru [a transgendered person killed because of her gender in September of 2001 in rural Oregon], and to support each other as a community united for peace, justice, and nonviolence." -Roey Thorpe, executive director of Basic Rights Oregon
Posted by brooke @ 10:58 AM PST [link] [No Comments]
09.11.01
i've been in a daze all day today. i heard the news 30 minutes after it happened. i thought that npr was broadcasting something to prepare us for something like this to happen.. a kind of war of the worlds. i didn't want to be sucked in, i didn't want to believe it, i didn't want to be fooled like so many had been when that was broadcast.
then our local station cut in. jenny knutzen, the familiar voice of my morning drive. she said that they were going to be cutting back to the npr network, and that local news may or may not be broadcast.. thats when i started to realize that this was truth.
by the time i arrived at work my thoughts had turned to the people that i knew that are in the city. my stepsister, john, tony, my cousin, ariel and big zack. by the time i left work i'd heard about my stepsister, and my other stepsister who i didn't know was in the city.. i'd talked to john, and tony-- he couldn't call out, but his dsl worked. i was almost all relieved.
i left work early today, i had a drs appt. i was glad to get out of there. i was glad to be able to not sit in front of a computer, glad to be able to not be around so many people and to be able to control what i heard.
i danced from place to place to place. i called people i love and care for, i wanted to make sure they were okay. al, he's fine.. but he might have to go to work. amber, she's fine, she's in shock. my dad is fine. he was on a plane, i didn't know that. he was on his way to pittsburgh.. it turned around, went back to roanoke, he went home. mom, mom is okay.. mom is always okay. mom and dad both talked to zack, he's okay. zack found out that ariel and big zack are okay. and my cousin, she can see the smoke, but she, her daughter, her mother.. they are all fine.
i went from my drs office, to mother kalis, to home, to janelle's, to lunch, back home, to janelles, back to mother kalis, to my neighbors and finally home. a day that has gone to slow, a day i don't remember, i just know that today happened.
i called my therapist. i asked her if my feelings were normal. i asked her if my shock and tears were okay. she said that anyone with a social conscious would be disturbed, that my reaction was normal, that i wasn't the only one feeling this.
i left mother kalis tonight, i had parked in the basement, i rode the elevator, i tried to imagine what it might have been like to be in an elevator in the world trade towers, i tried to imagine how i'd feel if i felt the box all of a sudden starting to shake, and if it stopped and wasn't destroyed, what it must have been like to not be able to get out. and then when it started to collapse, the uncontrollable feeling.. did they feel anything? or was it too fast?
i'm home now. i've taken twice the xanax that i normally take, i took a seroquel, that will guarantee me some sleep tonight.
i'm scared, and i don't know why. i don't feel threatened. i just know i'm scared. and i hope i'll be able to sleep tonight. i hope i'll be able to sit still at work tommorrow. i hope i'll be able to get much needed work done.
but tommorrow worn't be normal either. hopefully shock will stop. hopefully i'll be able to start speaking my mind. hopefully when i talk about it i won't be on the verge of tears. hopefully i'll be able to keep my emotions in better check.
right now, i just hope that there is no more violence. i'm tired of it. i'm scared of what is next. i'm scared that there will be more violence. i'm scared that muslims and arabs will be singled out in their communities. i'm scared that we will only continue this circle of violence, and i know that won't accomplish anything, because the one solid, real thing that i know today, is that violence does not beget peace. violence only begets violence.
please make it stop, now.
Posted by brooke @ 10:43 PM PST [link] [2 comments]
09.10.01
i guess i should warn people that i'm in a crappy mood today and that i'm bound to jump down people's throats at an unexpected moment.
i'm on a list. eugene-sappho. the list moderator doesn't want any profanity on the list..
but what is profanity and what isn't?
dyke, cunt, cunnilingus, fuck, damn, shit.
how many of those words are you not comfortable?
i'm comfy with all those words, but i know people who are fine with the last 3 but have a serious problem with the first 3. i know lesbians with this problem.
so, who decides what is profanity and what isn't?
thats like discussing what a lesbian is and what a lesbian isn't.
don't squelch my speech.
Posted by brooke @ 11:40 AM PST [link] [1 Comment]
