I can't talk about the little things today - compared to the recent tragedy, life in the slow lane is so...trivial. It just doesn't seem right to not focus on all those lives lost in the tragedy. Or the aftermath of what has happened. One of the things I was most afraid would happen is that the backlash against the Arab and Muslim communities has started; I saw on the news one Mosque was pelted with gunfire earlier (I'm sorry I can't give news links to these things, I don't keep up with it online much) in what I believe is the NY area. We cannot blame those of us who are as outraged about what has happened, simply because of the color of their skin. That would be like WWII all over again and what Americans did with the Japanese, or what the Nazis did with the Jews.

I'm still overcome with this tragedy. Work lost all appeal today because I wanted to stay glued to the television. I'm very happy with how the Bush administration is running things, including our President's speech last night. For me, it is easy to see why all this supposed "secrecy" is going on, how he's not constantly in the limelight. Americans, and if I think about it myself then me too, seem to believe it's our right to know EVERYTHING that's happening in our government, that the media and press should be present to all things. Well, if we were to televise our invasion plans over the airwaves, what would be the point? If we advertised where our President and head government officials were all the time who's to stop them from having another plane heading towards that location. It's a brutal, almost sick picture .... *sad sigh* Sometimes it just hits how easy it might have been to be on one of those planes, an innocent civilian with no connection to these terrorists yet forced to participate in their own suicidal bombings... Why did this have to happen? These people really are animals....

I can't write anymore, I'd be a rambling mess. Whatever my government, no, my people decide to do I'll back them 100%. I really, truly wish there was something I could do, something tangible which would help those so desperately needing it. I can't give blood for this because I'm not type O, I'm not in any fire fighting, police, law-enforcement, military, or construction professions... I'm just a lowly American peon who can only support her fellow Americans.

I just hope this patriotism of mine isn't short-lived. I've never really been patriotic before; it's tragic that it had to take something like this to bring me to it.

I had the chance to stay longer at work, but chose to let another lady stay because I wanted to know what's been happening. I don't know anyone who right now lives in NYC, south of Pittsburg, or Washington DC, but I have many, many acquaintances online of whom I don't know where they're from. I sent out stuff on numerous lists I'm on and heard about several people with family there, read Candi's blog knowing she was from there and that her fiancee Brian travels a lot, possibly to NYC. (I'm SO happy he's home with her, by the way). My freshman year roommate also lives in New York state, although far south of NYC. I'm going to try to get ahold of her as well, but I only know her old email address. My last year roommate Faith called me on Sunday night, right before I was heading out, and gave me her number. She's active in the army, down in Texas right now, and I think I'm going to give her a call as well to see what the military side of all this is.

I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would see war, but it just might happen. That is so seriously scary to me. I lived through the Gulf War, but that seemed so very far away: this is in my country. My group of friends/acquaintances has grown so much more since then that I now know people who are affected by this. I haven't seen the people rejoicing in the streets in Afghanistan yet, but have heard of it. I heard a lot of things while at work today, several rumors such as an errant plane being shot out of the sky on the way to San Francisco when it was confirmed to have hijackers intent on crashing it, that the US was already bombing those possibly responsible (that's been disproven, I have no idea where the first rumor came from as I haven't heard anything about it). It's... I don't know. I've said its surreal, like it can't be happening. I'm on the opposite coast, right next to the capital of the west's most popular state, probably closer to these countries that might be our enemies than New York is...

I don't want war. But, I do want revenge. I'm wholly behind bombing the (pardon my french) shit out of those responsible. I don't want to hurt civilians, but there is no way we can deal with this anymore. Terrorism is, as I've heard from others on the television and radio, the US's most deadly threat. I just wish I could do more... Sometime soon I'm going to be going to give blood, even though every time I've done that before I've had problems; hopefully not this time.

I'm still listening to the news in the background, and have gotten behind with what's been happening in the few hours I've been at work, so am heading back to CNN and MSNBC to get up to date. This is... Well, this just is. I'm interested to know what's going to happen in the next few days.

As predicted my sister called home frantically. She's got classes today, it's just a normal Tuesday for her, but I left messages that our parents were coming home. I think she got through to them earlier anyway.

I called in that I'd be late for work today; not leaving until m&d get home. Man, this whole situation is so horrible.... It's so surreal, like I'm just watching another movie like Independence Day or Volcano - that's what it looks like out there!! I'm wracking my brains trying to think of anyone I know in NYC but so far nobody. This whole thing was definitely very well plotted out, even to the selection of the planes; they were all bound for California destinations, which kind of scares me but is probably deliberate as they had a whole lot of fuel that would further heighten any explosion. These cowards make me sick, I swear. I just want my parents to come home... CNN online is covering only this thing, but that won't help me out when I go back to work just standing around making sandwiches. Wish I could just stay home today. :(

Dammit! Why the HELL are all these news sites down?!

Have you guys seen what happened with the planes at the Pentagon and the World Trade Center in NYC? Oh God... And now in Pittsburg now. Terrorists have hijacked four planes I know of so far and crashed them into the Pentagon, two into the twin trade towers, and one near Pittsburg. Oh god... my folks work in the Federal building in downtown Sacramento.

I'm trying to find stuff online, although it's only happened in the last couple of hours. Oh god, please don't get worse, please...

I've applied elsewhere, and am REALLY hoping a job at Borders Books comes through. I'd love to work there: discounts on books, being around books all the time, helping customers on books...did I mention I love books? :D That's usually where I stop after work to just hang out for 30 minutes or so almost every day, so I'd probably have to find someplace new but at least I know I'd like the environment. I also applied at Old Navy, which is right next door to Borders; it'd be cool to work at both as I'd definitely be saving on gas! :)

But...I'm still having problems with my assistant manager. She's this old lady with a gravelly voice from smoking a pack an hour since the age of 12 (okay, an over-estimate and no offense to any smokers) who is as coarse as, well, sandpaper. She's never nice, the closest being when she insults you with a smile on her face yet you know she means every word of it. The whole N-word thing struck me out of the blue, and I just didn't know what to do about it. I pride myself on being able to get along with anyone; I can take just about anything, chalk it up to growing up as a redhead and being picked on, so can take a lot. I accept people as they are, but sometimes I just don't know when to say to someone "Please don't say that around me." I swear, if I can get good hours at Borders, Old Navy, or elsewhere I'm going to quit that job. I don't mind it really, at least not the customers or making sandwich parts, but constantly being insulted, put down, and just utter rudeness from the one lady is starting to wear on my nerves (she's like that with everyone so it's not just me, but still). That, and my back is KILLING me from standing all the freaking time. I'm getting minimum wage for variable hours, have a car and insurance payments, need another job but don't want to be on-call all the time expected to come in... Anyway, enough ranting, just had to get that off my chest. Dangit, I hope Borders calls; they said they would and I *really* hope that's the truth. Or Old Navy; anything but Subway.

Gotta finish up my thesis before midnight ("WHAT?" you're probably thinking. Yep, I'm still not done, although getting closer; now it's just edits), that's when I promised my folks, so gotta jet again. Hasta! :-)

I've also been thinking about beginning to invest in...stuff. Yup, yours truly, who hasn't a penny to her name (well, not really but just about), who has never taken a business class that wasn't a phenomenal joke, wants to try investing. The stock market is down, but I'm sure it'll be back up by the time I actually get enough moolah to try my hand. I did good when I was in HS in my Economics class (I think I'd have gotten about $4000 extra when I sold all my fake ones) but in real life who has $10k to just spend on stocks? Not me, let me tell you what! Ah well, we'll see; I need some sort of supplemental income, but I hate financial risks.

Yesterday was awful at work. I was all alone with the two managers, and of course it was WAY too busy. I got called in early then let off early (basically told I "could" go home, meaning 'get out of here'), which tells me that they don't give you stable hours. Which tells me, I need to get another job. I wonder if Borders Books is hiring; I go there enough, and it'd be nice to get a discount. *bg*

Time to shower and get ready for work (oh, joy). I just wonder when next I'll be getting on the computer; it's been getting less and less even if there's a computer nearby.

But it's a job, albeit kind of juvenile considering I have a degree. *rolls eyes* I actually don't mind the work, it's pretty easy and all and gets paid twice a month. What's really cool though is that now that I have a job I can get a car. A 1990 Acura Legend LS, to be precise; got it from a guy at church who mentioned it yesterday, who's really anal about keeping his cars in pristine condition. Black leather interior, CD player, V6 engine; it's the old luxury version, not as pretty as another car I looked at yesterday (a seriously pimped out '99 Honda Civic, awesome little car) but it's got some getup and go. :)

Whelp, I gotta go to work, it's a 30 minute drive there and I have to use my parents' car today. 11-5, M-F. We'll see how long it lasts (I think I'd like another job, really, but it's moolah! *g*). :-)

So far life's been pretty monotonous. Stay at home all day, watch TV, clean house, let my overactive little dog with an equally overactive bladder out every ten minutes because if I don't she'll pee all over the carpet and completely miss the pads we put down for her... Honestly, I'm not minding it much but I miss the hectic life, you know? Right now I'm in the middle of freaking nowhere; we're not in any convenient suburb, near anyone my own age, not even on nice flat terrain that I could go jogging on. It's in the low 100s nowadays, so going outside is more a hassle than fun. I'll probably be going swimming tomorrow, if I can get the nerve to get in the icky water in our pool. It's got this film on the top that, well, isn't normally there. I don't want to look in the filter in case I see another rat or something worse floating in there.... *EWW*

I'm back to drawing though, but now I don't have a scanner. Funny thing (or maybe not), I could have had one for Christmas but decided to get a game instead. Didn't know I'd start liking art again, and showing it off over the internet. I'm an idiot sometimes, should have known I'd need that AFTER I graduated (didn't get it because I had one at the time, never occurred to me I'd want one when I didn't have access to the school's anymore... *rolls eyes*). But between that and catching up on reading, not much to do in this house but sit around. Nice vacation, but it's starting to get really old, fast.

One nice thing though: I'm getting lots of sleep, and getting up earlier. The day really does go by more slowly (is that grammatically correct?) when one rises early. Of course, for me that means going to bed earlier too. Eyes are starting to get droopy (can't believe it, it's only 10pm!!!!!), so I think I'll turn in. Hasta!! :-D