Thursday, May 17, 2001

Spunky is very sick. Apparently, she got into the garbage last night and ate some bleach-soaked rancid meat. (The bleach was poured on to kill the smell, I guess) She's been shitting and puking everywhere. She won't nurse the puppies. She's at the vet now on IVs, and in a medicated coma. Not all the puppies are taking well to bottle feeding, even with three people and three bottles trying to feed 9 hungry puppies who haven't eaten since yesterday.

It doesn't look good.
posted by Michelle . 2:40 PM

Wednesday, May 09, 2001

Has anyone else ever noticed the similarites betwen drug dealers and rich, old, white men? I don't get it. How come I don't want to be just like my oppressor?

Uncle Vito wears multiple gold chains and pinky rings. Drug dealers wear lots of gold jewelry and pinky rings.

Uncle Vito drives a black BMW. Drug dealers drive things like mercedes and lexus.

Uncle Vito can't see over the steering wheel. Drug dealers drive with their seat reclined so much you can't see them over the steering wheel.

I don't get it. I even saw one driving around in Chrysler PT Cruiser. Nuthin says BadAssMuthaFucka like a PT Cruiser. PT stands for Party Time, right?

So, this girl was talking about how much that new song by Destiny's Child, Survivor, SUCKS. She wrote some cute new lyrics for it:

Thought that I would eat a hamburger/ I had chicken.
Thought that I was frontin'/ I was trippin'.
Thought that I would take my car/ I went Greyhound.
Thought that I would talk a lot/ I made no sound.
I'm a Survivor/ I'm a Survivor, etc.

So, I thought I'd add a few of my own:

Thought I was in ecstasy/I was fakin
Thought I liked scrambled eggs/I like bacon.
Thought I used protection/now I'm pregnant.
Thought that you were broke before/you ain't seen nuthin
I'm a Survivor, etc. etc.

If you have any suggestions for other lyrics, please leave them in my guestbook.
posted by Michelle . 3:46 PM

Saturday, May 05, 2001

So, Ellen Fein, co-author of The Rules is getting divorced after 15 years of marriage. How is this possible? I mean, didn't she follow the rules? Didn't they work? Hm. Maybe she was having an affair with John Gray.
posted by Michelle . 12:30 PM

Oh man, I hope this site is a joke.

"Yo sucka, we be a bunch a upper class white kids from Da Island (Long Island, yo). We gots da phatty- phat rice burners dat da 'rents copped us for graduation, yo. We be really cool, yo. Catch ya lata, sucka. We gots to represent at the country club, yo. Tee time at 11, yo. We outty. Aiight.
posted by Michelle . 11:49 AM

Wednesday, May 02, 2001

So here are some new(but not very good pictures) of my doggy and her puppies.

And now for some more fun with email:

Subj: Re: I Love You!
Date: 5/2/01 10:25:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Albanygrl
To: lucygusy2001@yahoo.com

Hey,
I wrote to you last week, and you never wrote me back. How come? I was really hoping you could help me out. I mean, I know there is that whole thing where gays really aren't accepted by the church, but I was hoping maybe you were different. I really feel I need Jesus in my life, I just can't find him, you know? Besides, I'm not 100% gay....just call me AC/DC.
I hope we get to chat soon!
Cleo

posted by Michelle . 10:33 PM

Monday, April 30, 2001

I've got a job at the Poughkeepsie Journal, and I'll be making 2k more a year than I expected. I'm very excited:)
posted by Michelle . 1:40 PM

Saturday, April 28, 2001

I got the following email today:

Subj: I Love You!
Date: 4/28/01 6:13:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: lucygusy2001@yahoo.com (Lucy Mayee)
To: Albanygrl@aol.com

Here are some of great Christian links for you. These
are the true Christians (believers). If you are new
to AOL, just click on the underlined words after the
number of the website that you wish to visit and it
will take you to the website.

1. RealPlayer Movies Here. http://tbn.org/tbnfilms/video.htm

2. The Amazing Bible Codes! Even the scientific community can't refute this amazing discovery that proves 100% that the Bible is completely true and The Word of The Living God. www.yacovrambsel.com

3. Do you need a miraclehealing in your body or know somebody that does? http://www.bennyhinn.org

4. Jesus - The True Path toGod. This website is awesome! I repeat! Thiswebsite is awesome! http://thehill.faithweb.com

5. Real Video - On Wings ofEagles, about helping Jews from the former SovietUnion emigrate to Israel. http://www.ifcj.org/

Here's what I wrote back:

Subj: Re: I Love You!
Date: 4/28/01 7:09:48 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Albanygrl
To: lucygusy2001@yahoo.com

Thanks for bringing God to my attention. However, I am a transgendered male/female. I am sure I'm exactly the type of person you're looking for, right? That's good, because I've been looking for help for quite some time. I've been living on welfare since 1996, when I had the operation, because I lost my job soon afterwards and went broke. Since then, I've been making ends meet by working as a hooker on the corner 3rd and Lark Street. I've got seven venereal diseases, but I figure I'm just giving my clients a bit of extra bang for their buck, if you know what I mean. The best thing about my job is the variety of people I meet each day. Male/female, black white, it doesn't much matter. It sure is fun.

Write back soon!
Cleo
posted by Michelle . 7:12 PM

Friday, April 27, 2001

My dog had 10 puppies yesterday. TEN. I'm so happy:)

So, Betsy, Sabrina, and I went to Take Back The Night last night. As usual, we had a lot of fun. However, when we were leaving, a very intimidating man walk towards us very quickly and gave us all the stare down. It was very unnerving, and aggravating since that's the type of thing we were marching against. Grr.

So, I've been thinking a lot about this whole stand-off with China thing. Now, they have our spy plane, and we have a pair of their pandas in the Washington D.C. zoo. I propose that we ransom the pandas.

"Hey China: Give us the plane or we kill the pandas!"

I wonder if it would work...

posted by Michelle . 10:22 AM

Sunday, April 22, 2001

Well, my car broke down, but I got to drive this car all weekend. Oh man, was it sweet:). I want one soo bad now.

Anyway, my engine mounts collapsed after only 40k miles. Yuck. $200 pissed away. So, to piss them off, I preset every single radio dial in my beautiful loaner vehicle to the country station. Heh.

I'm going to bed.
posted by Michelle . 9:41 PM

Sunday, April 15, 2001

Mom informed me the other day that she doesn't think I should get any candy for Easter any more this year. In other words, it's been too long since I've been thin, and not giving me candy = me losing weight. Right. You know mom, I have a car and money, so if I really wanted candy..... Anyway, she told me she'd put a few jelly beans in with my gifts this morning.

I got up and found a basket with a Vermont Teddy Bear in it and FIVE jelly beans. 5.

It's a good think she didn't put in 6 jelly beans, I might not be able to buckle my pants.
posted by Michelle . 12:48 PM

Thursday, March 29, 2001

For some reason, every telephone pole within 2 miles of where I work is plastered with signs. Not your average signs, however. These are the face of Jesus with the words "Got Jesus?" on them.

Ugh.

Do they think people will repsond to these signs? Like someone is going to see one as they are driving and decide that it is time to return to our heavenly father?

I can understand people looking at Britney Spears, me, or Ricky Martin and saying, "Damn, that person is so beautiful, I want to be just like them!"

But do you really think that people are going to look at a picture of a man who obviously has not shaved or brushed his hair in years, is wearing a crown of thorns, with an anguished and bloody face and say "Darn, that person is so gosh-darn beautiful, I want to worship him and kill abortion providers until the day I die"?????

Yeah, me too.
posted by Michelle . 6:24 PM

Wednesday, March 28, 2001

And here is the latest entry in the "Who the hell are you/Maybe you have the wrong person" contest:

Subj: Just a quick Thank You
Date: Wed, 28 Mar 2001 8:58:47 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: "Bornstein, Leith"
To: "'albanygrl@aol.com'"

I thought I'd write a quick note of thanks for the sweater after your mother informed me that I would conflict with some TV time if I phoned last night.

As usual, you've chosen something that fits in with my wardrobe. You have a knack for finding gifts that are appreciated.

Although it's over a month away I'm looking forward to your graduation in May, as it will mark the beginning of a career you've looked forward to for a long time.

Thanks again and I'm sure we'll see each before the graduation. We have a Burritoville here which is similar to the Green Cactus.

posted by Michelle . 9:52 PM

Tuesday, March 20, 2001

I think I've made up my mind. Vivarin and gettin blitzed sure sounds good to me right now.

Who cares if I have to be to work at 8am and Dan is coming home tomorrow. Barenaked Ladies is tonight. Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Michelle . 2:22 PM

Tonight it's gonna be me and Betsy 40 feet away from a stage with 5 Barenaked Ladies on it.

I'm so fuckin excited!!!

There's going to be a pre-party at a bar a few blocks from the Pepsi. I thought it might be fun to go there and get blitzed before the show, but then I realized that I have to work at 8am tomorrow morning, and I'd probably just fall asleep during the opening act. And I'd probably do something really stupid, like telling a security guard about my camera and tape recorder. Or that it's been almost a year since Dan went down on me.

Oops, did I say that out loud?

Holy shit. Nothing happens in Albany ever. I can not wait until tonight!!!!!!!!!
posted by Michelle . 11:02 AM

Some bumper stickers:

God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends.

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.

Guys have feelings too, but who the fuck cares?

You have the right to remain silent, so shut up.

Sorry if I look interested, I'm not.

Do I look like a fucking people person?

I'm not your type- I'm not inflatable.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

A woody doesn't count as personal growth.

Wait, I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Whatever kind of look you're going for, you missed.
posted by Michelle . 1:10 AM

Monday, March 19, 2001

Why the HELL doesn't anyone sell guacamole? (yeah, I know it's spelled wrong. shut up.) I've been to Price Choper, Grand Union, Hanaford, and one sells it!

I don't want your fuckin refried beans or dried chillies. I just want some FUCKING QUACAMOLE!!!!!!!

posted by Michelle . 3:10 PM

Sunday, March 18, 2001

posted by Michelle . 11:37 PM

It's 6:45 on a Sunday and I'm at work. You know what that means? Blogger time!

So I'm sitting here in an empty office making copies of my resume and writing clips (I think 30 of each is good, right?), abut the copier keeps jamming up, and now it's got a bad smell coming from it...I decided I should leave it alone for a little while.:0)

I'm also listening to music on my purple iMac. BareNakedLadies Rock Spectacle album, to be exact. It's a compilation of live songs, and it's pretty good. The song "If I had $1 million" came on, and I thought of a sign.

"You already HAVE $1 Million!!"

What do you think? Cheesy or cool? Sign my guestbook and let me know.

I should start writing my article or I'll never go home.

posted by Michelle . 6:40 PM

Ever notice that the people who complained most bitterly about how strict their parents were when they were growing up are also the same people who put up away messages on AIM detailing their every move?

"Went to the mall, call me on my cell phone if you need me. I'll be home before curfew, I promise!"

On Tuesday night I will be in the 15th row of the Pepsi Arena enjoying the musical stylings of the BareNaked Ladies. Last time I went I carried big signs that said "Kevin will you marry me?" and "I'll be your Yoko!" The back of one also said BETS because I was looking for Betsy and couldn't fit the Y.

I'm taking suggestions for what should be on my signs this time. Leave your suggestions in my GB.
posted by Michelle . 10:33 AM

I think I might be a bad person. Or maybe just a bit frugal.

Surprise!

I need to scan my newspaper clips so that I can put them on the web along with my resume, but my scanner is broken.
So of course, today I went to Best Buy and bought a scanner. It cost $179, so it must be really good.

On Monday, when I am done with it, I will return it to Best Buy because I have no business spending $179 on a scanner. As long as I tell them it's broken, they won't charge me the 15% restocking fee.

Hee hee.
posted by Michelle . 12:53 AM

Saturday, March 10, 2001

I turned in an article on Monday. Friday, at 3:30 my editor informed me that it had to be rewritten, and that it was due at 10 a.m. Monday. That's not counting, of course, the other two articles that I have due on Monday.

So what am I doing in the office at 3 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon? Posting to my blogger, of course.
posted by Michelle . 2:47 PM

<< | Blogster | >>