Can't sleep? Count sheep! Hey, that rhymes, too, woohoo! Er, yeah.

the debber wrote at 5:17:18 PM | link dat | comment

Hee hee!

According to Google, I'm the 9th best bitch named Deb on the web! And that even rhymed!

I'd like to thank God, the academy...

the debber wrote at 3:04:26 PM | link dat | comment

Boy, am I pathetic or what? Part deux.

Really, it's amazing how sad an individual I am. The depths to which I plunge astound me on a daily basis. Ok, well, they're not that bad, but they're still embarassing as hell.

Take yesterday for example. I don't think I've ever mentioned it here before, but I have a HUGE fear of anything medical. Doctors, dentists, you name it, I've panicked from it. I've run the gamut from crying to shaking, from whimpering to fleeing. In other words, I'm a freaking coward. So yesterday, I had to make an appointment to have my teeth worked on. What did I do? I cried. On the phone. Making an appointment. Bawled like a little baby I did. I was so frightened the receptionist had to tell me three times when my appointment was coz for some reason, I just couldn't get it to stick in my head. My imminent deat... er, appointment is Monday. I think. It's going to suck bad.

As if that weren't enough, shortly after that I headed up to the store to get some pop. While going down the veggie isle, I suddenly really had a taste for cucumber. On this diet, I'll take all the veggie cravings I can get. So I pick one out, toss it in a bag, then realise how um, odd it's going to look if I go to the checkout with just a cucumber. Quickly, I picked up a bag of spinach and a package of walnuts to go along with it so it would look like the cucumber was part of a salad. I mean, how pathetic is that? I still think the cashier gave me a funny look, but I'm going to pretend it just didn't happen. And no, you dirty minded little pervie, I didn't do THAT, I ate the damn thing. With ranch dressing. And it was quite tasty. So neener.

*sigh* :-)

the debber wrote at 3:01:47 PM | link dat | comment

Great, just what I needed. Another game site that has the uncanny ability to steal time away from me before I realise it. You like sports, go here and oh, don't hate me. Please?

the debber wrote at 5:30:34 PM | link dat | comment

I was just looking through all my saved pics and rediscovered this one. It still gives me the giggles. :-)

the debber wrote at 12:16:35 AM | link dat | comment

Woohoo! Looking over my referrer logs, I've found that Direct Hit considers my humble little site, out of all the internet, the 7th best place to get all your pr0n needs satisfied! I mean, I knew I was getting sexier with my weight loss, but still, what an honor!

::shows some shoulder::

the debber wrote at 4:39:23 PM | link dat | comment

There's nothing more cheery than seeing a rabbit with a pancake and other assorted objects on it's head. Mmm... pancake rabbity goodness.

the debber wrote at 2:11:44 PM | link dat | comment

Taking a break this morning from something I'm working on, it's been a perfect opportunity to reflect on how much, or little, of a life I have. Everyone I've come across this weekend is either out, or in the process of going out for the holiday weekend and it's been rather depressing. My big weekend plans? Taking care of a friend's dog that's full of crap.

Seriously, I'm wondering where it's storing it all. Tiny dog, full of crap. Yesterday, the first day under my care, it crapped inside, crapped again outside shortly after, then had another inside stealth crap again while I wasn't watching. All in the space of about 5 hours. To top things off, my neighbors saw that I was taking care of Tiny O'Crappiemutt, and asked me if I would so kindly watch their three spastic dogs while they went away for the weekend.

Anyone want to take me out for a nice evening of life? *whimper*

the debber wrote at 10:02:04 AM | link dat | comment

Here's an email forward for ya that finally tells it like it is. Might be old hat already, but it's new to me, so neener.

Friend,

When you are sad...
I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue...
I will dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile...
I will know that you got laid.

When you are scared...
I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried...
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused...
I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick...
Stay away from me until you're well again. I really don't want whatever you have.

When you fall...
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath...
I will pledge to the end.

Why you ask?
Because you are my friend!

Send this poem to 10 of your friends and get depressed because you only have 2 friends and 1 of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway.

the debber wrote at 5:10:05 PM | link dat | comment

So you're sitting there after unwrapping your latest eBay purchase, and wondering what in the heck you're going to do with all that used bubble wrap? Hell, just grab a needle and thread and make clothes out of them! You too could be minutes away from pulling in $200-$400 for a wedding dress made out of scraps you were just going to pop and chuck in the wastebasket, you silly person! [adult content - Bubblebodywear link courtesy of mmm skyscraper.]

the debber wrote at 10:42:56 AM | link dat | comment

If you haven't heard of Lego's plans to take over the world with their insidious little "Junkbot" game yet, head over to MeFi and read this page, then go play the game and hate me later. Muahaha.

the debber wrote at 6:12:57 PM | link dat | comment

Boy, am I a pitiful human being or what?

Why, may you ask? Well, let me tell ya. Earlier today, I had intended to go out to the store to pick up some cigs and pop, which have become the main staples of my diet ever since I started my whole tortur... er, weight loss program.

So I head out to the car and realise the sucker's locked. "But, Deb," I hear you saying. "Just unlock the car and go, baby, go!" Of course you'd think that would be the normal thing to do, but it wasn't to be so for your humble narrator. My mother, oh, I do love her dearly, had taken along with her to work the keys to the car I was attempting entry on. Along with my keys, because she was driving my car. That left me with the backup set of keys, which I soon discover have no door key to the evil locked car of well, evil.

Normally, what a person would do, if in that situation and in need bad enough, would be to walk to the store and pick up your supplies in that fashion. Oh, not so for the Debber. My knees are so bad that if I did that, I'd be sick for two days, not to mention being subjected to punishment pain by the evil twins (my knees) for attempting such a silly thing. Thusly, I was stuck home half the day without my cigs and my pop.

"Oh, suck it up, Deb," you may be saying right now. Believe me, that was what I was trying to tell myself. But being on this tortur... er, diet program, I came to realise today how much I still needed oral gratification. (Stop that dirty thinking right now, Mister/Miss!) Without the cigs, I was absolutely dying for food. Any food. I was _this_ close to sucking on dry spaghetti it was so bad. Fortunately, my mother arrived home in short order after my near breakdown and I survived with only a small snack package of cottage cheese to add to the casualty list.

Yeah, I'm pitiful. Say it loud, say it strong, then run to the corner crying like a little sissy.

the debber wrote at 5:48:17 PM | link dat | comment