Wednesday, September 12, 2001
Death of the Innocents

Words cannot describe the feelings these actions bring up. Innocent people's lives destroyed by unknown assassins. Many americans want retribution, which is understandable, but against who? This enemy has yet to be assigned a face. That is the nature of terrorism, to instill fear in your enemy without exposing your operation, so that you can continue to conduct acts of terror. This enemy will be very difficult to uncover, and already many suggestions have been made as to the possible suspects. However, until an enemy is clearly defined, all the citizens of New York, and Washington D.C. can do is deal with the catastrophe, tend the wounded, grieve the perished, and have faith in their federal investigating forces. A number of people have said that America deserved this attack for their actions in the past, and continuing actions, espescially in the Middle East. I cannot understand how people can believe this massive loss of civilian lives, without any warning, against those who could not defend themselves, could possibly be deserved by any nation.

One thing is for certain, once the U.S. have determined the enemy(s) behind this travesty, they will be looking for retribution. However, this retribution will not be against innocent civilians, and will not be unannounced. It will be against those who planned, implemented, and otherwise directly contributed to these actions. Even with the amount of rage boiling across the U.S., even with the amount of loss they have suffered, they will not lower themselves to the level of the perpetrators of this horrendous crime against all of humanity. That is where many of us can find reassurance, and justice, out of such mayhem, and incredulity.

My condolences to all those who have been affected by this event, who have lost loved ones, who have witnessed the innocent perish, and to those courageous people working to save lives in New York, and Washington D.C.
Dan 12:47 PM EST
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Tuesday, August 28, 2001
Momma's got a brand new bag!
Well, it had to happen eventually, so I sped up the process, and got my mother (until the Children's Aid people tell me otherwise), her own website. Check out the disjointed ramblings of a post-menopausal treasure!. However, I'll warn you in advance, the term "politically correct" didn't exist in her youth, and you know what they say about old dogs, so be prepared to be offended.

Oh, and speaking of Happy Birthdays Tess, check this out.
Dan 01:30 PM EST
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Monday, August 27, 2001
Life Lesson #4: Famous People Dying = Tragedy, Normal People dying = Statistic.

Rest In Peace

You've probably heard already, but for those that haven't, Aaliyah died late Saturday in a plane crash. Now, while this is an unfortunate occurence, I am really sick of hearing about it. Why is it national news for at least a week when a celebrity dies? The media makes us think that these people are more important then everyone else, and deserve to be mourned by the entire world. Granted, they should be mourned by those who knew them, who really knew them, not from what they read in a magazine or some other media tripe. The average person didn't know what she was like, and Aaliyah didn't know jack about them either. There are many more people dying each and every day that do more for the world then Aaliyah ever did. Sure, she brought her music, but did she do anything for the greater good of humanity? Our fascination with celebrities is mind-boggling, considering most of them do nothing to help us, besides entertain us.

What lasting impression did Aaliyah leave on me? Well, she looked really hot in tight pants, and "Put it in your mouth" really helped stimulate alot of girls creative energies, to the benefit of us all.

Dan 10:17 AM EST
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Thursday, August 23, 2001
Life Lesson #3: Everything can be copyrighted.

It's your birthday, and your family, and/or friends decide to take you out for a nice birthday dinner at the local restuarant. Of course, midway through your meal, you're interrupted by a noisy, and embarrasing song courtesy of most of the serving staff. Only, they're not singing "Happy Birthday", but instead they're belting out a custom version that basically conveys the same message. Ever wonder why it is that they don't sing "Happy Birthday"? I always thought they wanted to get a little self-advertisement in, but it turns out, they're just trying to same themselves some cash. It turns out that "Happy Birthday" is copyrighted, has been since 1935, and will continue to be until the copyright expires in 2010. Wow, that's news to me. What's even funnier is that Warner Communications now owns the copyright (after a string of purchases involving many millions of dollars, and they make roughly US$2 million a year off a song that was originally invented as a classroom greeting by two school teachers, who were also sisters, in 1893.

Everything that exists and most of that which does not exist, can be quantified and sold to the highest bidder.
Dan 02:43 PM EST
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Wednesday, August 15, 2001
Life Lesson #2: Trains hurt.
Alright, this is getting quite out of hand. People walking into trains, whether they be subway trains, or big honking diesel trains, is not healthy. I thought this was common sense, but apparently some people choose to waive this truth, or ignore it altogether. Once again, I am made to wait because somebody forgot to read the sign labelled "Warning: Big f*cking trains use these tracks, and are hazardous to your health if you stand in front of them". Ok, maybe they meant to get hit by the train, a gorey end to their miserable life, so be it. However, I have a request to make of anyone comtemplating suicide. Before you step in front of that train, bus, subway car, etc., could you please make sure it is not rush hour? It's not alot to ask, but it'll mean alot to those of us who would rather continue living, then take the easy way out. Now, some of you may be saying, "That's quite callous and ignorant, you should have more respect for the dead, you cold-hearted bastard!". In response, I would like to say, "Did they (the person under the train) think about me, before they decided to become decidely less alive? And how they would inconvenience me, and cause me frustration, I think not."

Or maybe some of you will say, "What if it was an accident?". Come on people, but I find it hard to believe that someone can get hit by an enormous train without any fault of your own. There are fences, signs, and for gods sake people, these are TRAIN TRACKS, what the hell do you think uses them? Society has too much compassion for nature's rejects. I firmly believe in the process of Natural Selection, nature has it's own way of trimming the fat from the species. I also firmly believe, that people who commit suicide, or die because of their own utter stupidity should not be mourned, but used as examples for what not to do.

People have no consideration anymore.
Dan 11:00 AM EST
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Monday, August 13, 2001
Life lesson learned, for only $20!

Ever been looking to buy something, and can't find it anywhere? So you try someplace you've never been before, and they rip you off, so you go buy a semi-automatic weapon and go back and blow their heads off, and then proceed to piss on their corpses, douse the entire place in gasoline, and leave it a burning mass of urine-soaked flesh, frying wallpaper, and cooked drywall, like the gates of hell, and as you walk away, you say "That's what you get for f*cking with the BeefMeister!", and then laugh maniacally for the next 15 minutes until the police arrive and you're forced to dispense your own brand of justice, and proceed to cause mayhem, the likes of which has never before been witnessed by mankind, until finally your bullet-ridden body falls to the ground in a sweat-soaked heap, and as the light fades, you scream "I did it all for the ice-cream!", and then release the pin on the grenade, and take a few more sinners with you into Hell?

That ever happen to you? Me neither, but it would make a great children's pop-up book.
Dan 10:46 AM EST
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Tuesday, July 24, 2001
The fun doesn't stop!

Just when you thought it was safe to enter the gene pool, I present to you the best men the internet has to offer.

Bachelor #1
He likes watersports, and is a big science fiction/erotica fan.

Bachelor #2
He also enjoys watersports, and bathtub snorkeling.

Bachelor's #3, 4, and 5
Sorry ladies, they come as a threesome only.

Vote today, for the Web Bachelor of your choice!

Dan 12:45 PM EST
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