Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Sunday, July 22, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 1:20 PM:
Fredclef: cant type
Fredclef: oh, its long
A good friend says: uh, Fred
Fredclef: yeah
Fredclef: ??
Fredclef: pretty sad, aint it?
A good friend says: does the word OBSESSED mean anything at all to you?
Fredclef: now i just post rambling there about every week or so.
Fredclef: yeah
Fredclef: i does
A good friend says: pretty scary ,homes
Fredclef: and yeah, it is
Fredclef: i think its fun
Fredclef: though
Fredclef: naw, it aint that scary
Fredclef: i could be there lookin in her window
Fredclef: lol
Fredclef: callling her everyday
A good friend says: if it helps, stick with it but it sounds like it makes it worse
Fredclef: hmmm....
Fredclef: that could be
Fredclef: didnt look at it like that
Fredclef: maybe ill post one more- just to say im threw posting shit for now till something exciting happens
Fredclef: like we meet and have a big blow out or fun or something
Fredclef: lol
A good friend says: you know, you'll probably hate me for saying this, but i think you enjoy being miserable and feeling sorry for yourself
Fredclef: about -------? yeah- i do, it keeps me from making that mistake again
A good friend says: who said it was a mistake? you live and learn
Fredclef: yeah, i shouldnt say mistake
Fredclef: you are right
Fredclef: jezz
A good friend says: I know I've said this before, but if you leave her alone, she will be back
Fredclef: yeah, maybe
Fredclef: i call maybe once a week- she aint coming back
A good friend says: i know you don't believe me
Fredclef: i think shes happier w/o me
A good friend says: don't even call that much
Fredclef: yeah
A good friend says: you don't give her the chance to find out
Fredclef: i didnt look at it like that
Fredclef: you are right. i have been WAY to hard on myself
A good friend says: i know you don't like the stuff im saying. it's just my opinion
Fredclef: better try putting this whole ------------ thing down. and try something more beneficial
Fredclef: its not that i dont like it
Fredclef: need to hear it though
Fredclef: need someone to tell me thats been there
A good friend says: yeah right, believe it when i see it. would like to see though
Fredclef: u would like to see me dating someone and not talking abotu her?
A good friend says: right
A good friend says: have you ever thought, she's the one with the problem, not you?
Fredclef: well, its not like i havent been on dates- i just dont tell anyone
Fredclef: yes- i have
Fredclef: but shit, she got issuses, i got issuses.
Fredclef: back to me and dates- i have been on a few
Fredclef: but i dont think that im compatible w/ anyone i met
Fredclef: its cool in the first few minutes
A good friend says: great, but i know you compare them all to her
Fredclef: after that
Fredclef: i start talking too much and BAM! nadda
Fredclef: or just dissed right off the bat
A good friend says: your cheating yourself
Fredclef: i dont compare anyone to her
Fredclef: no one
Fredclef: that wouldnt be fair to do that
A good friend says: not fair to you
Fredclef: yes
Fredclef: and the other person
A good friend says: true
Fredclef: i dont do that. i just talk or say too much or act too much like me. lool
A good friend says: i would love to finish this convo, but i'm supposed to go to the movies at 1:30 and i have to get dressed
A good friend says: give me a call this evening?
Fredclef: i will... have fun!
Fredclef: thnx for the advice, gurl
Fredclef: i needed it
A good friend says: i know you won't take it, but i try
Fredclef: i will!
A good friend says: i should take my own advice
Fredclef: PROMISE!
Fredclef: lol
A good friend says: anyway, gotta go see ya!
Fredclef: ditto
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Saturday, July 21, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 9:00 PM:
Im starting to think that its time for me to get my shit together and get my ass to Chicago and do something with my life. I can't believe that she's really outta my life. I can't stand it. Now I act like i'm really over the hell and fucking shit she left me with and all I ever do is think about it. Once I think i'm over her- i fucking realize that im not. This sucks. I really need to tell her everything that has happened to me- but i'll do that face-to-face. NOT in some weblog, email, or over the phone. I refuse to be like that. It sure in the hell would be easier- but I want to see her face- the expressions, nah, maybe not. i am expecting too much.
The diet starts again tomorrow
I am dumping everyone that aint benifical to me leaving this dump of a city. Check this shit as well- in an IM- she had the gall to say that she doesnt look at it as her dumping me- it was "going our seperate ways." Aint that bout a bitch? Naw, Love,
YOU DUMPED MY FAT ASS LIKE 260 POUNDS OF AFRICAN-IMPORTED RHINO SHIT. Call it what it was. I've always rationalized why you broke up w/ me, made arguements, eventually defended what you did- but don't dare say it was mutual. You walked away from me- and I stood there and let it happen. Granted, I wasnt the best of boyfriends, but I did try my damnedest. I loved you more than anyone and that shall always remain. Maybe it was easier for you to accept and live with what you did. I hope this motivates me to make the decisions necessary in order for me to achieve happiness. For, I think you are. I need to stop beating myself up about that. Enjoy what we had.
Smile- my life is one big setback. Now watch me make it work. Enjoy the show!!!!
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Tuesday, July 03, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 3:31 PM:
It has come to my attention that I am aggitated, grumpy, and all-around acting like an ass. Oooh, well, I'm sorry folks, it happens when you feel like shit about your life- more specifically being alone. Not that I am not liking being alone, it's just more frustrating when you keep thinking-or dweling as some friends would like to put; about a former girlfriend.
I need to up my dosage of X and double the Absolute and Snapple Fire.
Geez, I need a new hobby.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Saturday, June 30, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 9:27 PM:
Umm.. new look coming soon. New entries as well. Give me atleast a week.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Friday, June 29, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 5:51 PM:
I don't know what to say to her. She has perfected the ability to get me so concerned and worried that I can't got o sleep for hours, and not tell me what bothers her. I am worried. Maybe she thinks that I'll do something that I am in NO position to do???
Damn the Ice BItch.
But I brought it all on myself.
Damn the Fuck-up known as Frederick.
(Personal Speculation: She is pregnant and the sperm-donor does deja vu.)
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Wednesday, June 20, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 3:40 PM:
Well, she is happy. I am finding myself more miserably happy and unmotivated. Shit, I suck.
Ill give you the ENTIRE download in less that 12 hrs. Its gonna take some time to type.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Saturday, March 24, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 5:56 AM:
Whoa. Has it really been that long? I will update things later this weekend.
In a nutshell: All things are going in one direction: Her way.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Sunday, January 28, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 12:33 PM:
What if you had Spiderman's Spider Sense.
But, instead of sensing danger- it sensed what the love of you life was doing, or thinking or saying.
And your "Spider-Sense" tingled every single day- sometimes five or sixes times a day.
And it get progressively more intense every single episode.
But you've been to the doctor and he says "medically there's nothing wrong."
Hmmm. Makes you wonder...
Yes, I know.... it's wierd.
Nuff said.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Thursday, January 18, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 10:26 AM:
Currently, my worst fear is that we could never be together.
Ever again. That she will have moved on and replaced me for someone other than- who wouldnt love her as much I will.
Currently, that's the demon that keeps me from sleeping.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Saturday, January 13, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 12:16 AM:
Fredclef: hello ---
------------: hey
Fredclef: how are you
------------: good and u
Fredclef: sorry i havent called....
------------: why is that
Fredclef: just have been very busy
------------: doing?
Fredclef: im workinga a graphics house
Fredclef: how is "child".... are u at home?
------------: whatever that is
------------: yes
------------: "child"'s in wisconsin
Fredclef: im woking at a printing shop- we creating graphics
Fredclef: whats he doing there
------------: on a trip with charles
Fredclef: his uncle?
------------: are you in grand rapids
Fredclef: yes.
------------: no charles his friend
Fredclef: from school....
Fredclef: okay
Fredclef: i remember
Fredclef: what is new with you?
------------: this
Fredclef: when did u get it
------------: this week
Fredclef: did ur mom get the account or u did
------------: me
Fredclef: congrats
Fredclef: janelle paid the balance off
------------: its on my line
------------: no
Fredclef: oh.
Fredclef: did u work tonight
------------: no
Fredclef: r u sick?
------------: no...just slow today
Fredclef: okay
Fredclef: hold on polease
Fredclef: please
Fredclef: --
Fredclef: im at work
------------: what
Fredclef: im at work
------------: ok
Fredclef: what are you doing?
------------: looking for makeup tips
Fredclef: y- u dont neeed them....
Fredclef: not ever
------------: thats what you say
Fredclef: shit
Fredclef: thats what i KNOW
Fredclef: has anyone said different-
------------: yes...me
Fredclef: well.... u dont
Fredclef: question:
------------: thanks
------------: what
Fredclef: i sent u this email and u responded by saying
Fredclef: --- frederick p
wrote:
> i miss you --.
> i want you to know that.
> i wish that we could work things out.
> im so very sorry.
> talk to me.
> tell me about your life now.
> i miss "child" too.
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Photos - Share your holiday photos online!
> http://photos.yahoo.com/
fred what are you talking about? are you high or something?
Fredclef: fred what are you talking about? are you high or something?
Fredclef: what did u mean by that?
------------: you just say shit ..........from nowhere
Fredclef: yeah...
Fredclef: opps!
------------: do you know much about napster
Fredclef: yes
Fredclef: its horrible on anythig less than a 56k modem
------------: should i download it
Fredclef: u could....
Fredclef: do u have a fast connection?
------------: thats what i have
Fredclef: a 56k
------------: yes
Fredclef: try it and see....
Fredclef: be right back
Fredclef: okay
Fredclef: so are u going to download it?
------------: maybe
Fredclef: have you been to fdp07.tripod.com yet
------------: no
Fredclef: check it out http://fdp07.tripod.com/blog
Fredclef: and tell me what u think
------------: it's in a different language
Fredclef: huh?
Fredclef: its in english
------------: ugh no
Fredclef: opps.
Fredclef: http://fdp07.tripod.com/
Fredclef: clik on the web journal opended link
------------: i did i'm wauting
Fredclef: ok
------------: why are you writing all this
Fredclef: it helps
Fredclef: to sort out feelings
Fredclef: thughts
Fredclef: thoughts
Fredclef: sometimes i just ramble.
Fredclef: when i go back and read it again...
------------: so what were you hoping by me reading this
Fredclef: i can think about how i was feeling or what i was thinkning at the time....
Fredclef: dont know.
Fredclef: honestly.....
------------: mit as well
------------: mite
Fredclef: might as well what?
------------: be honest
Fredclef: yes
------------: never mind
Fredclef: havent i been
------------: i guess
------------: you said:Fredclef: honestly.....
------------: hello
------------: I'm gonna go to bed....i have to work in the morning for a couple hours
Fredclef: yes
Fredclef: sorry
Fredclef: we had to do something
------------: my hands are cold in this basement, plus i broke some blood vessels in my finger tips...so they feel real cold
Fredclef: how did u do that
Fredclef: ---
------------: trying to beat my child to death
Fredclef: why
Fredclef: what did he do?
------------: too long to get into
Fredclef: the supershort version
Fredclef: please
------------: not doing what he's supposed to do
------------: if you want you can call
Fredclef: i didnt get a calling card
------------: oh well
Fredclef: can we talk tomorrow
------------: i should be home i think
Fredclef: ill try u after 6 ur time
------------: ok....if it's busy i'm online
Fredclef: then ill find you
------------: goodnite
Fredclef: gooodnite --
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Thursday, January 11, 2001
Posted by fdp07 at 11:17 PM:
Its a new year with the same whole in my heart.
Dammit.
What the hell do I do.
I know if we EVER did reconcil, things wouldnt be the same-
maybe worse... maybe better.
I dont know.
But I know this one thing for sure:
She has changed my life permanetly.
There is no replacing her- not now, not ever.
Dammit.
I am so fucked.
I need some divine intervention here.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Sunday, December 24, 2000
Posted by fdp07 at 8:43 PM:
One more day til I loose my mind-
sometimes thats what it feels like.
Wondering what she is doing.
If she thinks about me the same; or at all even.
Oh, and this Christmas shit doesn't help matters either.
Total contempt for this "season" is all I have.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Wednesday, December 20, 2000
Posted by fdp07 at 7:47 AM:
today will be a very serious blog.
reason: i hate the holidays and i need to vent, dammit
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Sunday, December 10, 2000
Posted by fdp07 at 1:20 AM:
Dayum this life-
Dayummit to Hell
Dayum you All
Dayum Myself....
Dayummit Dayummit Dayummit !!!
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Sunday, December 03, 2000
Posted by fdp07 at 8:06 PM:
Date: Fri, 1 Dec 2000 18:30:23 -0800 (PST)
From: K-
|
Subject: Re:
To: frederick < - @ - .com>
- frederick < - @ - .com> wrote:
> hello k-
> wanted to say that.
>
> i wish things were better with us
> i wish there was an "us"
> take care
> miss u
>
> -frederick
> __________________________________________________
i got your email as you can see. i'm sorry for all the
hurt i've put you through.
k-
with that said... why do I deel a million times worse?
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Saturday, November 11, 2000
Posted by fdp07 at 6:33 PM:
If missing someone could be a commodity, I would be rich; so I could pay off my debts....
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Friday, November 10, 2000
Posted by fdp07 at 11:35 AM:
How many more nights will it be before I completely loose my mind? I keep having dreams about her trying to make sense of the breakup. It's November- the breakup happened in May!! I can't remember the last really truely good night of sleep that I've had. I think about her more and more each day that blends and blurs into the next one. I wonder what is going on in her life and her child's- what really did bring this all about. Once again... the pain returns.
Later.
Posted by fdp07 at 2:22 AM:
Its amazing how empty, meaningless and insignificant your life can be when everything that you've always wanted and needed isn't there for you anymore. No matter how idealistic as your visions and plans for the future may seem. Makes me want to die. But for some reason I can't- not yet at least. I have to see things all the way through. I have to rebuild my life- but at what cost will I do it.
When do I say-"I've had enough. I want to go home." I know that none of this is making any sense to any of you that are reading this but hopefully, after I explain all... maybe it will- if only just for me.
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______
Sunday, November 05, 2000
Posted by fdp07 at 6:18 AM:
..........................
Speak or shut-up :
email // _______