i haven't really felt like speaking to the outside world for the past week. i hope you all understand. i'm sure you do. people deal with events differently. i am not an exeception. thanks for everyone's concern for my family. your kind words meant alot to me. i am happy to report that all of my family is present and accounted for. while we are lucky, i know there are those that are not. my faith extends to you all now. i wish you all peace and resolve and hope in this time.
posted by richa at 12:51:51 PM // beginning//ending

a new layout, for a new month.
posted by richa at 7:27:33 PM // beginning//ending

it is definitely the heat.
posted by richa at 6:46:43 PM // beginning//ending

and randomly thinking about other people. from my past. one in particular. hard to put these feelings into a place. not even feelings, just wonderings. is that a word? is that an occurance? a wondering. well it exists now.
did you ever stop to think about what happens to people when they aren't in your life anymore. they don't really stop existing because they have their lives and loves and keep on going forward, but to you they don't. maybe this is just me and the way i experience things and people. maybe it's my childhood coping mechanism for all the times i moved and left people behind. they died to me. well they didn't really die. and die is such and over dramatic word. i mean i figured they just stopped. they stopped and i continued. how overly selfish of me. this is from a child's perspective remember. and they after years and years they just fade away.
where was i going with this? *reads back*
oh yes, it has just occured to me in the past few days that while all these people that were part of my life once are gone, i must be gone from theirs as well. just memories and random thoughts now. when i was at the hairdressers yesterday adding the colour that did not, i repeat did not take to my hair, i was having such random childhood thoughts about people and places that i have not actively thought about in years. it's like the past is resurfacing. people resurface. which is where i am right now. this person i am thinking about was a huge part of my life, to me. not actually necessarily a big part in actuality but to me he was, and now he's back in my thoughts and dreams. not bad, not good, just there. why? why now? why when your life is in crisis and you are at a crossroads does the past come flooding back in a 'what if' kinda way. memory is cruel and i am making no sense.
posted by richa at 6:39:44 PM // beginning//ending

twice in one day, it must be the heat.
lying is a tricky subject. if you've been lied too once or twice by the same person over minor things, how do you know they aren't lying to you over the major things?
very tricky surface i am treading on. the ice is thin, it might crack soon.
will the water be too cold?
trust is huge. huge and scary. leaping is even harder.
how do you know when to leap forward and when to leap back?

this is where i am.
between leaps.
posted by richa at 6:30:16 PM // beginning//ending

blah.
posted by richa at 2:46:01 PM // beginning//ending

okay something funky happened there and i'm trying it again.
i chopped off all my hair. well 6 inches worth. a man's penis worth of hair is missing. it will grow back. my hair was weighing me down. and i'm tired of feeling weighted down so its gone. only one of the many recent changes in my life .
i'm as light as a feather now.

posted by richa at 12:47:21 PM // beginning//ending