EMAIL FROM BEYOND Umm, Joe. Like what you've done with your site. A black-screen omage to Jeff Goldblum's anus? Love it! The day I crawled into Jeff Goldblum's anus, was one to be remembered. Not for the vicious head-butt of a realization that I was, in fact, inside the rectum of the ugliest ape-man on earth, but for the single fact that it was also the day Bubba Clinton got a crotch-lickin' from that big-tittied Jew, otherwise known as Ben Stein. In case you're wondering, Jeff Goldblum's ass is filled with the usual gaseous properties and fudgy slime-walls reminiscent of Sally Field's vagina circa 1965. How tasty art thou? Can't explain, but I think it's love. I once found a giraffe up Jeff Goldblum's ass. It was the color of pineapple and smelled of sulphur. It had eyes of diamonds and nipples the shape of Chips Ahoy cookies. I took a bite, only to discover that Denise Richards had gotten there before me, and I quickly spat out the remnants of the disease-laden, saliva-soaked crumbly, crunchy choco-spheres. What a skank. "Hey, you've got germ-ridden saliva in my choco-chunks...fuck you." Anyway, I'd like to thank you for inducing the horrific nightmares that have otherwise been layed to rest in the back of my Goldblum-seered frontal lobes. What I wouldn't do to be Francis Farmer right now. Alas, a lobotomy wouldn't help, though. I thinks not. One lobe, anus de monkey man.....other lobe, Sally Field's love canal. It would be like the torment experienced all too frequently by Homosexuals during Joan Collins' nightly sexmares about fat-lipped androgenous big-hairs slurping the sweet nectar from between each other's infant-soft butt-cheeks. This is the kind o' thing that would give Larry King nightmares. Larry King...(sigh). If I was Larry, I would have nightmares just knowing that my own face exists. I would go into hiding and wear a bag over my head so all the innocent woodland creatures wouldn't have ugly-induced brain aneurisms. What do you call a squirrel that's been visually attacked by Larry King's face? I don't know what you'd call it, but you should most definately welcome it to the wonderful world of the blind and mentally scarred. So, enough of my manually-exposed "Lip". Just try to keep your website safe and out of the way of Jeff Goldblum's anus. A black screen may be considered "hip" in Ray Charles' eyes, but to the true cool hipsters who would rather wear the black than see it on our computer screen, put down the heroine-filled syringe,and make my eyes work hard for the money. Road Runner's expensive, yo. Love, Lonnie.