a bardroid's life

Bad weekend. My wife can never see he part in anything. She ignores me - swearing that I either said something that I didn't or didn't say something that I know I did. (This is an uncanny thing. For example, she does almost all the laundry - I had a black shirt with soap-gop all over it and I asked her to wash the shirt, right-side out, without soap, when she had a chance. When she washed it inside-out, with soap, she swore that I told her to. This happens all the time.)

Another thing she does is make things my fault. On Friday, I came home early and we went out. We had a nice time and came home. Then, unbeknownst to me, she had an agenda - give the kid a bath, then do this, that or the other thing. How did I know?

She says, "I am going to run the bath, I could use your help." I get the kid naked, put her into the bath with the wife, and lay down on the bathroom floor. Wifey gets upset, not because I am not helping, but because I am not enjoying bath-time with my daughter. (What an evil fuck I am.) I get pissed and point this out to my wife.

Now I am not providing a "stable environment" for "her daughter." I am so pissed I could spit.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't, damned if I breathe.
posted by sam the bardroid at Monday, January 15, 2001

Too much to do and not enough time. Deadlines past - Places to go - More things to do.

Money has never been an issue like this for me. I have never been rich, but I have never be so consistently in the hole, month after month. It isn't as if I am spending money on me. Health insurance for my employees, their salaries (I have taken almost no money in 5 months), office supplies, contingency expenses and things like that. Money trickles in, but it is never enough.

My stomach hurts. When is this going to get better?
posted by sam the bardroid at Friday, January 12, 2001

Well, back from court and things went very well. When the judge starts off asking the other side to defend their position - incredulous - you can be fairly certain that you are going to win the motion.

Helluva-day-at-sea, sir.

On _____-life again. I'm doing something wrong cuz I am crashing a lot. Yeah, I know there is a lot of caffeine in these things, but I am used to several cups of coffee (and related crashes) so this doesn't make too much sense.

My daughter has an ear infection and had a hyper-type reaction to the medicine. She kept us up until about 3:30 AM. Maybe that is why I am crashing.

More deadlines, more bills, more clients telling me that they don't want to pursue their case...same old grind. Don't get the wrong idea, except for the money thing, I am still mostly having fun.
posted by sam the bardroid at Wednesday, January 10, 2001

Court was interesting today. I am quickly becoming dissolutioned by judges. These people don't seem to care, nor do they read the briefs, memos and/or other papers we spend time and our clients' money on. Nor do they want to hear arguments. It is amazing.

Anyway, I went to court today thinking I would be held in contempt or something, but I was the only one who really didn't get yelled at, so, all-in-all, not a bad day at sea.

I got a call from a client while I was leaving court - "They caved! You did it; now get the deal done!" That was like pulling teeth, now to cross the i's and dot the t's.

Back in court tomorrow. I prepare...

My stomach doesn't hurt today.
posted by sam the bardroid at Tuesday, January 09, 2001

What a day. I don't even know what else to say.
posted by sam the bardroid at Monday, January 08, 2001

I couldn't sleep last night. Not because my daughter kept me up, she didn't. But because I have a lot on my mind. I finally got to sleep at about 4:00 AM.

Some of the topics haunting me were rent not paid; taxes not paid; salary not taken; clients from hell, and the trouble I experience as a result of zealously representing their interests coupled with the fact that they don't pay their bills; three personal lawsuits; my inability to borrow any amount from any one; my weight/poor health; and my wife's poor health.

My stomach still hurts.
posted by sam the bardroid at Thursday, January 04, 2001

I am somewhat reluctant to write about traffic. Road Rage aside, my thoughts on traffic border on scary - at least, they scare my wife. ("Don't ever let anyone hear you saying things like that," she says.) Besides, doesn't everyone complain about the traffic?

But, I am passionate about this, and it has little to do with traffic and more to do with a much larger social reality, people just don't give a damn about anyone else. The lack of simple, common courtesy is everywhere. I know, I see it every day in my practice. On the road, especially in my neck of the woods, this disregard for others is damgerous. And I take it personally.

On my drive to work this morning I encountered the following (keep in mind that there is snow on the ground here, and the plows are driven by many of the same people who just don't give a damn about others):

Not less than 2 miles from the house, a middle-aged woman slowed to a crawl, without signalling and with a long line of traffic behind her, so she could fix her lipstick.

On a two-lane highway with a posted speed limit of 55, (I was doing about 60-62 in the left lane) an entering car pulled into the left lane doing less than 30 miles an hour so the driver could pass the oil truck that entered the highway with him. The driver cut me off and since the entrance ramp was on an overpass, ice caused me to skid when I hit the brakes. (I am grateful for ABS.)

Two miles later, a XXX County bus (#9331) went through a yield sign, without even slowing down, cutting me off and causing some skittish woman in the left lane to slow to a crawl right next to me so I could not get away.

Driving in bunches seems to be a favorite thing to do around here, and it happened that I was "boxed in" by entering cars who decided to drive alongside slow, left-lane traffic (no joke, each driving in the left lane at least 15 miles below the posted limit) no less than 3 more time.

Lastly, while at a stop sign, on a back, snow and ice-covered road, some moron decided that he was going to go through, even though it was my turn and I was halfway into the turn. (A car in front of him had just gone.)

I have only one question - why should anyone have to tolerate this behavior? The answer is not "why let it bother you?" The answer is that there is no reason why anyone should have to tolerate it.

My stomach hurts.
posted by sam the bardroid at Wednesday, January 03, 2001

I'm back at work, yet not refreshed. I am not raring to go like I used to be. The pressure is getting to me.

I joined this firm shortly after law school. I made the two partners (one my father) a deal; make me a partner, let me manage the place, and I will grow the firm like you have been talking about for years, but just haven't accomplished.

Now we are 6 attorneys, one more soon to be attorney, we have a support staff of three and we tripled our office space. Our expenses have tripled or so, our billables are not what they should be, a great number of our clients have stiffed us (to the tune of $10,000.00 on average), we are heavily invested is several contingent cases, and well, as I said, the pressure is getting to me.

I am running on empty (none of the partners (four of us now) have taken money in a long time) and cannot borrow any more. Student loans, medical bills (a result of choosing a bad health plan coupled with the birth of my daughter) and huge credit card debt kills my chances of borrowing more.

For the first time in a long time, I am really worried about money. My father is partly to blame; I joined a failing firm. The rest is my fault; now the firm is failing at three-times the rate.

So, what do I do? Nothing different, I guess. I'll just keep showing up. I once heard or read that life is 90% showing up, so don't quit. Nice sentiment, but it seems irrelevant. There is nothing in that "inspiration" that suggests a favorable outcome to one's situation, and I want one - a reprieve, my family's security and the related relief security affords.

Oh well, on to missed and impossible deadlines, and checks that forever remain, "in the mail."
posted by sam the bardroid at Tuesday, January 02, 2001

It's one-one-o'one; an auspicious day to begin my annymous musings, I think.

I am the kind of a guy who doesn't like to talk about his problems. I find that burdensome on those who have to listen. I have tried paying people to listen, but either I cannot afford it, or the mere fact that I am paying awakes a desire for answers, which are never provided. So, here I can rant. You can read it if you like, or no, and I get to tell the world what is going on in my head and around my world.

I think I good place to start is background.

I am married and I have a new daughter, seven months old. She is beautiful, and so is my wife. (More on them another time.) I am an attorney and managing partner of a small firm. I am in my mid 30's, I am stressed out, about 50 pounds overweight and out-of-shape.

Now, you know my vitals, yet I remain somewhat anonymous. Granted, you do not know what makes me tick, but, neither do I.
posted by sam the bardroid at Monday, January 01, 2001