Thursday, September 13, 2001
i tried to hold onto him
but time ticked and time tocked
and the memories faded
and now he is being lost
to the wasteland of time
the thief of so many things from meand thus
to the list another is addedi was hoping for a different end
but now i am only grasping at
whispery invisible strands of him
that dissolve with each passing minutegoodbye _________
what was your name again?
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
We are the dirt beneath each other's boots Death is here
Death is there
It is
everywhere
and where
in one heart
the blood has stopped flowing
in another's heart
runs the notes of joy
The cycle of death and
being happy for it
charges full circle.
For my cause and
your cause
the war's cause
the peace's cause
my unjustices
your injuries
my hate
your revenge
All of the causes worth dying for
worth the value of lives
will be celebrated because
in some way my causes
are more important than yours
which of course you so adamantly disagreeBut anyways
HAPPY DYING
Saturday, September 08, 2001
A Buzz Cut Having a new haircut doesn't change much or does it?
Check out my before and after pictures
http://geocities.com/evolvingthinker/haircut/Beforehaircut.html
What has changed with my new do?
Well I have to think of new things to do with the hair that I still have left. It is fun trying out new things. Since there isn't much hair, it is easy to be creative with it.
I don't think I have personally changed.
I think the biggest change is the way people react to me.
I like walking down the street with my hair down so that people can't tell that it is shaved and then catching their glimpses as they pass me. They do a double take as they are suprised by my missing hair profile.
I get more nice hairdo and nice style type of compliments than when I had the normal slanted bob. I would have to say everytime I go into public someone makes a compliment to me.
1. At the gym, a guy will say I like the hair.
2. At music festivals, a girl said cool hairdo. And a stranger threw an orange flower into my lap.
3. At a restaurant, I received a note with the bill saying I look like Candy to his eyes. Call him.
4. On the bus, I get asked to go on a walk.Maybe, I have changed. Maybe I have a more approachable aura. Maybe I smile more or have a less stern don't say anything to me type of attitude. Maybe my coldness towards strangers has changed. I don't know.
It is strange this new experience of being away from the "norm."
Tuesday, August 28, 2001
The Debate As I sit here looking down
I am immune to the world around
I sit in a silent bubble
where time is almost standing
still.
How will it feel to be free floating?
And then the sudden end where
all my worries and
all my sadness disappears.
This will make them sorry.
But I do not care about them.
I just want my pain to end.And then I am grabbed
from behind and
jerked back
into reality where the
city noises overwhelm,
the sirens welcome me back
the talking uniforms make no sense
And all I wish is to be
left alone with
my debate.
It is my choice to live or to die.Do not think I am indebted to you.
Inspired after reading some Sylvia Plath poems and learning that the reason I was stuck on the bus for so long today was because the interstate was closed due to people in cars yelling at a person to jump as she was debating to commit suicide by jumping from the bridge into the canal. And later I learned that she actually jumped and critically survived. She was out there from 6:10 am until 10:00 am.
Friday, August 17, 2001
It has been a long time since I have last blogged, but tonight TV does not interest me neither does my recreational reading.To be honest, I am lonely. Today has been a day of silence.
Do you know those type of days, a day of silence where not one conversation took place?
Today I packed my kitchen, my clothes, and took a bike ride to the end of the Burke Gilman trail which was a 3 hour ride for a 37 mile ride. It is funny. I have been spending hours riding my bike and I am thoughtless during the physical activity. I just think how fast I am going, am I thirsty, where will I stop next, am I almost home, how do I convert km to miles, but no deep revelations or questions ever enter into my head.
Riding bikes uses up a ton of calories. A 3 hour bike ride burns 1,571 calories. That is more than half of what humans normally take in daily which is about 2,200 calories. I wonder why bike riding is such a burner of calories. Did you know that 3,500 calories are in a pound?
My new haircut has either changed people's attitudes toward me where it is easier for them to talk to me or else my new haircut has changed my attitude making me more open to conversations with strangers. All I know is that people are talking to me a lot more now.
Sunday, July 08, 2001
The Back Pack Attack of the RaccoonsFrom the journal (July 7-8 2001) of Jennifer written with the help of Laura during the
very first backpacking trip that either of us have ever gone on. The trip to Sandpoint
where the Pacific Ocean is the front lawn of the campsite. Titled by Laura due to the
rumor of the threatening racoons that can open tightly duct taped buckets.At 8:30 am in the morning the ringing of a bell sounded and I waited. It rang again five
minutes later, and I waited reading a backpackers guide. And then a sleepy headed
ruffled haired Laura walked into the guest bedroom and asked whether or not I had
finished using the bathroom.Still in Greenlake, we took a quick run to the store to get Tang, a first aid kit, tea, and
film. Eating grapenuts, loading the car, and taking a walk to Zocca’s for coffee were our
last tasks.Riding to the Edmonds ferry was a breeze. The ferry ride was even less than a flutter.
The ride to the Pacific Ocean was a lot longer (maybe 3 hours), but still seemed quick
with the listening of three CDs (Crouching Tiger Soundtrack, Deep Forrest, and Sarah
McLauchlin) and with the continous story-telling. With the twisting and the going up and
down of the road and with the scent of sickening dead fish and seaweed, my car-sickness
was alleviated with the removal of boots and the rolling down of windows (There wasn’t
any pulling over to vomit. Thank GOODNESS!).Arriving to the trailhead we were offered a half watermelon, but how were we going to
eat such a big thing. There was no way we were carrying it on our hike.After eating lunch and stuffing our food into a bear can, we were off to the Pacific
Ocean.Walking through a forest on a planked trail reminded me of Ray Bradbury’s short story,
“The Butterfly,” where T. Rex hunters/time travelers from the future walked on wooden
trails through the forests of the dinosaurs.Negative: My pack strained my neck and seemed heavy on my shoulders. With such a
pack I would never be able to do a LONG hike. I believe my backpack- loaned to me by
a member of my research group- was packed wrong with the heavy food filled bear
canister at the top. I was being pulled toward the ground in the wrong way.Finally arriving to the musical destination of the crashing waves. We walked and walked
looking for a campsite. After talking to several people we decided to go north at least I
think it was north. We were missing one of the 10 essentials, a compass. We found a
wonderful spot right on the beach away from everyone, and away from water and the
privies. But that was okay we are good walkers and don’t mind walking thousands of
feet to go to the bathroom.After setting up the tent, we started cooking right away. Actually chef Laura, started
cooking right away. Chocolate pudding was our first gourmet dish. We made a liter of it
and tied it to a rock to be cooled in the ocean. We explored the tide pools where we saw
lil fish as big as your pinky, big crabs, and hermit crabs. We popped the yellow kelp
covering the rocks with our heels.With our taste buds searching for something good, they were disappointed with the
non-sweetness of the viscous brown material; however, I only got to bring home half a
liter of it. We must of ate it anyways even though Laura didn’t like it much nor I.Tip 1: If you bring homemade pudding mix load it with sugar.
Next we did biscuits. A half of the recipe made a total of six little biscuits. They were
delicious even though they were burnt.Tip 2: Laura suggested not to put a biscuit in the middle of the pan. Put more butter and
flour on the bottom, and turn them over more often.Thank goodness we didn’t do the twig fire on top of the lid of the pot coz the Ranger
came by as Laura was cooking the biscuits. And we were specifically told stoves only
NO FIRES. A fifty dollar trip could have cost us two hundred and fifty.Next we cooked pasta and mushrooms with a white sauce. Beware of dry milk clumping.
Tip 3: Laura suggested sprinkling, stirring, sprinkling, stirring, the dry milk in the boiling
water.Laura thought the pasta tasted like dry milk and the mushrooms tasted like water. I
thought it was good. She says that it needs spices that is pepper and something green.While eating, out of the corner of her eye, Laura saw a candy wrapper that she discovered
to be her power bar. The wrapping was torn open with bits of chocolate missing. The
visitor Par Enthesis Crow might have done it. But we have no idea because none of us
saw it. The bar is safe now in the bear canister.Also while eating out of the frying pan, the “what was that” was heard. Could have been
raccoons calling each other to gather for attack of our specially prepared food or a seal
out among the rocks.Tip 4: Have meals ready right before lighting the stove so that fuel is conserved.
Washing: We used fingers, spit, paper towels, and sand. We didn’t have a need for camp
soap.Tip 5: Don’t bring/use plastic forks. They break.
While watching the sun set, I wrote in my journal and tried to draw the landscape of
where the sky meets the ocean and where the rocks meet both while Laura sang.Tip 6: Bring a pencil sharpener and make sure your pens work.
The next morning:
I realized that I don’t need a pencil sharpener when I have a pen-knife.
Since we were living a life without electronics that is the gameboy, a walkman, or watch,
we were unsure if we woke up at 8 or 9. We think our bodies wouldn’t allow us to sleep
until 11 or 12. We don’t know what time we went to bed the night before. It was easy to
fall asleep which would have been hard if it was only 10 or 11. But we think we woke up
early which would mean that we went to bed early. Not knowing the time adds
confusion.Laura got up around maybe 1 am to go to the bathroom. I heard nothing. Hearing the
roar of the waves, Laura was afraid that the $80 bear canister would fall out of the tree
plop into the ocean and be gone forever. Seeing a dark shape, Laura grabbed her
flashlight thinking she saw a big wild animal maybe a skunk but all it was was a stump.The next morning, I was awaken by a scratching of the tent like something was running
on the tent. I thought oh there goes Speedy the fast chipmunk that we saw the night
before. Laura said, “Did you see that? It was climbing on our tent and I hit the tent to
make it go away. Instead if went to the roof sitting there admiring the view.” So from
then on it was known as Speedy Tent Sitter.Laura also told me a story about her dreams, but you will have to ask her about them. I
don’t know if she wants me to write them down here. *wink*Laura started the pancakes. I took down the tent.
Pancakes looked like pancakes. The water from the eggs were used for them.
Tip 7: Bring Snoqualmie Falls pancakes and just add water.
As Laura was counting the people on the beach checking out their gear, the last biggest
pancake was the best, Burnt.I cooked the eggs after going through five matches to lit the stove. Maybe they were wet.
I didn’t hear earlier Laura saying, “Oh, the matches are soggy.”Tip 5: Bring food that doesn’t depend on cooking as a backup plan.
As we were cleaning up, Laura saw dogs that turned out to be two deer. The kind of deer
that Laura had never seen in Minnesota. Maybe they were elk or some other type of deer
that have extremely large ears like bunny rabbits with growths on their necks. They were
extremely far down the beach and as I was writing this, they jumped into our campsite
and continued on their way.Switching the position of the bear canister and my sleeping bag on my back pack, the
weight was on the bottom and I was able to bear it a lot easier. We walked back
encountering Alvin and the chipmunks. Laura stood her ground as they were charging
toward us. They came within a distance where if we bent down we could pet them.
They were tiny and sooooo cute.We arrived back to the car.
I guessed the time to be 12:30 pm from the following logical guesstimation
wake up at 9:00 am
breakfast (2 hrs) 11:00 am
walking 12:30 am
(3 miles, 1 hr 30 minutes)Laura guessed 3 pm because she was being pessimistic to wake us up to get up and going
so we wouldn’t get there at 3 pm since she had to get back to Seattle by 6 pm.And the time of arrival was 2:40 pm.
We have no idea where the time went.
Driving back to Kingston to get the ferry was long. I started feeling the carsickness
returning and Laura allowed me to drive. We caught the 7:15 pm ferry and arrived home
safe and sound at 8:30 pm.It was a wonderful trip where we could forget all worries, forget time itself, and just
watch and feel at peace.
Thursday, June 28, 2001
Sitting in a Coffee Shop Doing Nothing Except Observing Coffee shops are places for people
to drink a beverage while doing something
reading
talking
playing games
winding yarn
typing on a comptuerIt is so easy to observe people when they do not see you,
but to allow a person to see you observing him/her is uncomfortable.
To meet their eyes is dangerThe way people smoke is with an attitude of being the coolest in the whole world.
Puff, blow, I'm cool.Do the extremely nice dressed get asked out more?
The matching stylish delicate shoes
The body shaped complimentary dress
The coiffed to model perfect hair
Stop, Don't Move
I want to look at youPeople are go, go, go, 30 minute experiences
And here I sit outlasting them all
