As USAmericans, we've really come to accept obsequious customer service as an inalienable right, right up there with life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If we wait more than five minutes at the drive through, we barrel out of line in search of a more efficient Taco Bell. If we're kept on hold for the toll free 800 number more than a minute or two, we hang up and vow never to shop with the offending company again.Still, when I observe Really Bad Customer Service, I'm given to commenting on it. Consider it a weakness.
Recently, I gave my personal Really Bad Customer Service medal to Sprint PCS. Here's how they won this prestigious award.
My Qualcomm phone had gone kaput after just 18 months of loyal service. It wouldn't ring through when a call arrived, and the ear piece was given to intermittent operation only. Time for a new phone. Plus, I love new gadgets, and am admittedly an early adopter (much to the chagrin of both my wife and my bank account).
I visited my local Sprint PCS store to acquire a new phone. Upon entering, I went to the Express Service desk. As it turns out, it was neither Express nor Service, and I was directed to the growing line being served by two employees. There were other employees in the store, but they were busily scurrying about in a winning effort to not be pinned down by a customer.
I waited in line for about 15 minutes. Fortunately, I had my Palm Vx with me, and read some articles in AvantGo while waiting. Two people ahead of me gave up and left, thus drawing me ever closer to my new phone. Upon reaching the front of the line, the Helpful Employee harkened to me with a call of "Next, please."
Me: "Hi. I've got this Qualcomm phone that's stopped working, and I need to get a new phone."
Helpful Employee: "Oh, sure!"Helpful Employee then proceeds to disappear behind the Employees Only door for five minutes. Again, I read from the Palm.
Helpful Employee returns with a new Qualcomm phone, identical to the one I already have.
Me: "I didn't want the same phone."
Helpful Employee: "Oh! Well, sorry."
Me: "Could you show me what you have in a small, dual-band phone?"
Helpful Employee: "Sure, step right over here."We spend a few minutes checking out the phones, comparing various features of each, and I settle on one that Helpful Employee recommends. It was nice of her to take the time to show me the phones.
Me: "Okay, I'll take this one."
Helpful Employee: "Great!"We return to the counter, and Helpful Employee ticks away at the computer.
Helpful Employee: "Well, we don't have that phone in stock. But it should be in later this week!"
Me: "Ack! Thpfth!"
{pregnant pause}
Helpful Employee: "You can probably get the phone at Circuit City, and when you bring it back here, I can activate it for you."
Me: "Uh, fine, I'll look into that..."I've already burned nigh on 40 minutes waiting to be told they're out of stock, so there's little chance that I'm going to drive over to Circuit City, buy a phone, drive back to Sprint PCS and wait in line again to have my phone activated.
But wait, aren't these the Internet days? Shouldn't I be able to complete this transaction quickly and efficiently over the Web?
Duh!
I return to the office and take a ten-minute vacation to visit the Sprint PCS Web site and shop for a phone there.
Finding the phone I want, I grab a couple of accessories, place them in my shopping cart, and checkout. Pretty painless so far, and the ability to compare phones and features online was a nice upgrade from the meatspace version.
I enter all of the pertinent info -- address, credit card, etc. -- and click the submit button.
Wait.... Wait ...
Helpful Web Site: "Your order could not be processed. Please call us at 1-800-Blah-Blah and press Option 2."
Me: "Ack! Thpfth!"I am now officially On A Mission. I will buy this phone or die trying. I call the toll free number.
After working through various options, I reach a live person and explain that I placed an order online, and received an error message.
Helpful CSR 1 <-(foreshadowing, in case you missed it): "Let me see if your credit card was charged. Do you have that number?"
Me: "Sure. It's yada, yada, yada, etc., etc."
Helpful CSR 1: "Okay, just a moment"
{pause, pause}
Helpful CSR 1: "It looks like your credit card wasn't charged."
Me: "Great, can I just go ahead and place my order now, over the phone?"
Helpful CSR 1: "Sure! Let me transfer you to the order department."
Me: "Ack! Thpfth!"
Helpful CSR 1: "Don't worry I'm going to do an internal transfer so that you get right to a Customer Service Representative."
Me: "Great. Thanks."{pause, pause, transfer}
"Your call is important to us. Please remain on hold for the next available customer service associate"
Me: "Ack! Thpfth!"
Helpful CSR 2: "Hi, this is Mary. How can I help you today?"
Me: "I'd like to order a phone"
Helpful CSR 2: "Okay, I can help you with that."We go through the process of placing the phone order. I'm even able to bill the phone to my monthly Sprint PCS bill, saving me some effort. Everything seems ducky.
Helpful CSR 2: "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Me: "Yes, I need to order some accessories for the phone."
Helpful CSR 2: "Okay, let me transfer you to Accessories."
Me: "Ack! Thpfth!"
Helpful CSR 2: "Don't worry I'm going to do an internal transfer so that you get right to a Customer Service Representative."
Me: "Uh ... Great. Thanks."{pause, pause, transfer}
"Your call is important to us. Please remain on hold for the next available customer service associate"
Helpful CSR 3: "Hi, this is Alex. How can I help you today?"
Me: "I'd like to order some accessories for a phone I just ordered."
Helpful CSR 3: "Okay, I can help you with that."Finally, oh finally, I finish ordering everything I need. I'm assured that my phone will arrive within the next three business days. You can probably guess the rest of the story, but I'll recap it for you anyway.
The accessories I ordered arrived by two day Airborne service, arriving before the phone. Days later, I receive a postcard from Sprint informing me that the phone I ordered is on back order.
Really, I'm not kidding.
Another call to Sprint PCS gets me another phone (this one guaranteed to be in stock, though I'm skeptical of any Sprint "guarantee"), and though I ask for expedited service (I was about to leave town for a few days), I'm told that they can only ship by UPS. Fine, fine, whatever, just send me a phone already.
The next day, my new phone arrives by Airborne Express.
Is this a great country, or what?
Author, author.
posted by B H 8:48 AM