journal for 1

its been a long past 2 days now...but i'm moving on....i gave someone all i could give, and got burned....but thats life you live and learn....so moving on....i wish him the best...and i know he will see one day just what he lost....so....moving on....
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 2:08 PM

i hate looking for a job.....i wish i could find one to where i can work out of my house. who knows maybe i just will. its bout 2:30 am here, and i need to get to bed. i dont think i can sleep tho. oh well...guess i should try. Josh will kill me if he finds out ive been up this late again. esp. w/ how tired i have been the past few days and this cold or what ever it is. i guess ive just been stressed out again w/ this job thing. i really dont want to work, but i have to. its a must. so...if im going to find a job, i hope its soon and i hope i like it and the ppl i end up working w/. at least w/ a job josh can move here, and who cares about everything else in life.....life will be complete, full...and nothing else will really matter, or bother me. i just need a job and out of here, and he needs out of there. it doesnt help things that were both in a bad situation where we are living. that only makes things worse. so...i will just keep looking for a job, and hope that i find one...and a good paying one at that w/ nice ppl close to this area soon. gawd knows josh and i both need this really bad. love you josh....forever baby love you
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 2:40 AM

I love you josh....forever...and only you. I'm yours and only yours forever......
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 9:09 PM

Todays been a long day, one of waiting. i still havent heard from you, and you now how i worry bout you so badly. i dont like where your at and all i want is for you to be here. soon, i know soon, things are all finally happening. but i still worry. i worry bout so many things, are you ok? i only wish to know whats happening there, and that your on. but theres been only one small sign from you about a hour ago on here. i was so happy to see you here, but....i couldnt get a message to you, and never saw one back from you at all. worry, worry, worry.....gawd josh where are you? i miss you so bad and i just need to talk to you baby.....I love you so much, my heart aches w/ the love i feel for you, where are you.....please call me or come on here soon...i need you so badly, just to know your ok. i need you....and i love you so much. please just be ok is all i am asking of you....please be ok..and know i love you so very much josh! call me of meet me on here baby, I LOVE YOU JOSH!!!!!!!!
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 9:07 PM

my life my soul my sun my moon my stars my fire my water my my air = lisa ... baby you are the most wonderful person in the world iam soooooooooooooooooooo happy you are mine ... i love you lisa with all my hearth u mean the world to me ...i want to take walks in the parks with when it is raining ...walk in the woods with u when the sun is shining trew the trees.. i want to hold you while we we are wacthing tv laying on the couch..i want to cook dinner with you and have food fights,,want to have pillow fights with you baby youu are my world my dream come trew i never want to let this feeling go will i never let it go.. I LOVE YOU LISAAAAAAAAAAA
posted by joshua cuellar at 1:26 AM

all i have in this life is in KY....all i want in my life is in KY....i need you here. i love you josh
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 1:05 AM

my walls of my room and i have become best of friends. i look off at them as if to see through them and into my mind. sometimes its like a window into my mind and all that i am thinking. weird it might seem, but....its there. the walls around me are all i have to keep me from going insane in this house. i feel like if i could untie the knot that my brain is in i could deal w/ things so much easier. but i dont see that happening. my mind is forever in a knot. have you ever sat back and thought.....i mean really thought bout why things are like they are. i do....i wonder all the time what would my life be like if i could let go of things. what would my life be like if i could laugh, cry or scream and all that was bothering me or upsetting me..if that could make it all just go away. i wish things were that easy for me. nothings that easy for me in this life. my life is stressful since i moved back here. its like everything i went through when i left here a year ago, it POOFed went away when i left....all was great, i was really happy. then i came back and nothing heres changed at all. nothing....nothing.....its so empty and hallow here. i need out.....outs the only way
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 1:03 AM

damn my mind is going craze ... cuz of the fact of the spa depot stuff...it bugging me ..cuz of wut happened with me n lisa my love ...it just stupid to argue over nuttin ... i think it is just stupid...its bullshit ... sitting here listen to incubus stellar.. me n lisa song i love this song ... baby i didnt like the fact we was arguing n fighting over dat page shit ... and the fact u said we shouldnt work together anymore with this stuff..it really hurt me i didnt like dat cuz i love doing stuff like dat with you ... it fun to me and iam sorry if you have to repeat stuff over cuz of the fact i dont understand it ..i really sorry baby ... we need to stop arguing and fighting over stupid stuff ... i love you lisa soooo much you are my life ... i dont like it when we fight like dat ... over stupid shit .. lisa you are my world my life... you mean sooooooo much to i cant wait to put dat finger on your finger to make sure your mine forever i love you lisa .. kiss
posted by joshua cuellar at 12:51 AM

my grandfather has brain cancer.....tomorrow we find out where else in his body he's got it....
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 9:20 PM

sitting here thinking.....but i always seem to sit here and just think. sometimes i think i think way to much. i'm sure that alot of ppl think that way bout me. i wish i didnt think so much. i'm really tired today.....my mind keeps me awake. waiting to hear how much longer my grandpas gonna live. i hate waiting. does it make me a bad person that i dont want to take care of him as he dies, does it make me a bad person that i dont want to watch him die?......-thinking-........see i need to stop thinking,....UGH! ok trying to at least think of something happy.....if i could only get a interview w/ this co. i applied for.....i know i could get a job. then all would be great! all i want in life will be right at my finger tips. to reach out and touch it all. its been a long time since i have felt this way about anything in life. i want nothing more then to have this job, and move in w/ josh. i'm more then ready for this to happen, and i know he is to. no its just more waiting for the jobs to happen. then moving in can happen. my life started when i found josh....my life will be completed by being w/ him forever....waking up next to him everyday. life is everything w/ him in it....i just need him there everyday. i need him there everyday as in i need to be able to reach out and know he's real, and alive....and there everday. i think im going to go try to sleep again....and call about that job again too. i'm sure that i'll write more later....my life is forever yours josh..my love is forever only for you....I LOVE YOU JOSH...always and forever baby only you
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 12:23 PM

this thing is kewllll hehe ... i love you lisa... like i said you can tell me any thing dat is on your mind ...baby you are my life everything i wanted in my life is you and only you baby ,,my earth my sun my jupiter my mars my sun when it doesnt shine on me .. my moon n stars at nite to glow on me i love you lisa forever.
posted by joshua cuellar at 3:05 AM

baby i will be posting alot of things on here on a daily bases for us .. i love you lisa...ill add alot of my toughts on here just lil stuff here n there
posted by joshua cuellar at 7:49 PM

i thought this might be good for josh and i to start a place to where we can add some of our thoughts about anything at all. i know i'll use it i hope on a daily basis. i hope he uses it often too. if you choose to read bout what ever we might post, then great...and if not.....thats great too. a quick little note for my baby....I love you josh...and i cant wait to see some of the things you add here.
posted by Lisa Nothingness at 7:38 PM