on an even brighter note, 10 days left!!!! oh i am psyched now... but delusional. i saw the first pumpkins at avery's (farm market) this morning... did i think pumpkin pie? no. halloween? no. i thought "what if we buy four and carve them C-S-L-C?"... sick, i tell you, sick... hehehe
3:35:42 PM

wednesday, september 12  

"freedom is the sure possession of those alone who have the courage to defend it."

i will write someday what it feels like to be a senior in high school, in the midst of planning a national student leadership conference which is two weeks away, and having my school turned into a refuge site for the international flight passengers rerouted to halifax after this terrible tragedy. right now i can't put what i feel into words.

america is in my prayers.
9:33:27 PM

monday, september 10  
so i'm passing a message along to this teacher (who shall remain nameless) and you know, i hadn't seen her in a while so we kind of started joking about it - that the person who wanted to see her would like, load her down with work for conference... stuff like that. and all of a sudden she says she admires me. "for all the work i've done".

that made my day.
8:28:18 PM

saturday, september 8  
17 days away from a conference that has been a part of my life for the past two years. noticing an emotional theme in these posts yet?
11:20:07 PM

friday, september 7  
aaand i'm so tired. how did i make i through yesterday... and not today? it's overwhelming how much work i've done for CSLC. well i don't mean that egotistically. certainly not. it's just that when you think about it, it is. i've never worked so hard on one thing in my entire life. is that what this year will be: just looking back and reflecting? well i know it will be looking to the future as well. i haven't given a whole lot of deep thought to this year. i feel strange now. when i explain the conference to strangers, they think it's the most amazing thing. (unless, of course, they're potential billet families. grr)... in all that working, i almost forgot how right they are. it's probably the most amazing thing i will do in high school. i find it strange to admit that leadership work has changed me more than music has. well it's different kinds of changes... like apples and oranges, heh heh... right now i have to sleep. oh and "falling" by alicia keys is the song i am currently obsessed with. yeah. let's go play it a zillion times.
10:08:49 PM

sunday, september 2  
i love the song "it's been a while" by staind. i'd never heard of them until yesterday. call me a geek. i don't care... i'm not as into much mucus and other tv-related things as i used to be.
well my bookbag is packed. my sister and i packed them last night. i love going back to school. there's just something about a new start that i find exciting. just everything in its place. seeing everyone after two months and they look like it's been two years... i actually can't wait. weird.
10:05:57 AM

thursday, august 30  
wow. ok someone critiqued my poems and referred to me as 'the alphabet goddess'... i'm not exactly sure how i'm supposed to take that. i mean i hear so many stories about nice people on the net, but there still are a lot of weirdos out there. maybe when classes start next week i will have less time to fill my head with all those disturbing thoughts...
4:39:14 PM

saturday, august 25  
it's amazing, really. the fact that there's only one month left until conference. one month left - after knowing about this for three years and working at it for two, one little month doesn't seem like a whole lot of time. oddly enough i'm not panicked at all. it's simple: you work hard, eventually it will pay off... whether you're working on a conference for two years, or you spend your life trying to make it and you finally get the recognition you deserve.
the whole idea of senior year has really mellowed me out. when i raised the issue at the CSLC retreat ("think about it guys... how many people are you going to graduate with that you don't even know exist?"), i could tell that hit home with a couple of people. i don't like the fact that people think of them as high-in-the-sky student leaders who hang out with their friends all the time. friendship is important to people. they're not intentionally cruel to anyone! they just unintentionally ignore a lot of people! well, this year will open a lot of eyes either way.
1:29:08 PM

 
"asshole" by dennis leary has got to be the most hilarious song i've ever heard. americans... sheesh!
11:27:03 AM

friday, august 24  
well i saw someone today for the first time since june, and she looked at me and said "you look like you've lost a lot of weight! well, not to be... you know... but you look really good." now am i supposed to feel good? i kinda did. but it wasn't a "WOW I FEEL FANTASTIC" kind of feeling good. in fact, the thought that ran through my head at the time was "well, it shouldn't matter how i look. but i do feel a lot better so i will take it as a compliment". i don't know why people feel they have to look good to feel good about themselves. for me the effects kind of reversed. after i'd realized that i felt a lot healthier of late, then i began to notice i was looking healthier too. i'm glad my priorities are straight.
4:47:01 PM

thursday, august 23  
i'm liking this new web page look... a lot funkier. well, i applied for mcdonald's. i never envisioned myself working at a "burger joint". so i have yet to figure out why i'm fishing for a job there. could be because of the (ahem) people there... i'm a 9 on the hopeless scale, i tell you, a damn nine out of ten.
10:58:16 PM

wednesday, august 22  
funny. lately i've taken to using the actual written word rather than my dear blog. well, this is it. 34 days till conference. i'm pumped. finally i am ready to take on being a group leader by myself - go TOONAHS! well well well i am a tuna again. i can't believe how dizzy i feel with the knowledge of all this impending work! undecided as to whether or not it's a good kind of dizzy. i should really eat more for breakfast.
12:26:09 PM

wednesday, july 18  
it's over. and now that i've come out of the post-festival blues... i have nothing to say!
4:13:22 PM

sunday, july 1  
JAZZ FEST is here!!!!!! yahoo!!!! well, technically, the CMW started today but that's good enough for me... a righteous trip down memory lane, complete with feelings of inadequacy and intimidation, quickly followed by light-hearted nostalgia and laughing fits... it's all good! anyone from halifax or around who wants more information, click here. you won't regret it. it was good to know that some people were in the same boat that i am musically, not knowing where to begin - like there's this mountain in front of you and it's so big you look up at it and suddenly you're spread-eagled on your ass... what a mental pic. yeah, so i'm looking to get over that... maybe if the freaking prom committee pays me my coat check money, i can get a lesson with donnie... oooh, my gears are turning and we've barely started.
oh well, last night was fun anyway. cheers, kirsten, i love you... for more information on what exactly we did that was so fun, click here or here.... so i need a song... and you know what, i don't have one. and i just don't care.
8:04:13 PM

wednesday, june 27  
i got an 88 in chemistry!!!!!! wheeeee!!!!!!!! yay. considering i don't have to take it again for the rest of my life. ah, it's good to be alive. song: peace and love by blessid union of souls. graduation's tomorrow - i can't believe it, everyone's leaving me behind to be a grade 12 next year. meh.
12:42:55 PM

tuesday, june 26  
i can see clearly now... meh, we won't go there. i have my new glasses and my new haircut... what's wrong with a little healthy dose of narcissism once in a long while? *sigh*...
7:05:11 PM

 
now that there's no more school i don't know what to do with myself!!! sunday night i went to see katie's dance recital. it was kinda hard to watch, because i kind of wish i hadn't stopped dancing. it's bittersweet really - i was really proud of my class, they've improved soooo much under the new staffing changes. i regret not dancing, but when i look at the alternative, could i really have stayed happy there? i don't think i could. i could never feel as happy as i do when i play music... we got the upstream CD back today - and with the exception of a few dubs by the producer who is a bit of a weirdo anyway, i was pretty impressed. and IT'S OKAY that qeh showed us up... no big deal - see, this is what happens when people care and the atmosphere is positive. sigh... whatever hopkin was thinking out loud to me today got me thinking about that - next year will bring a wind of change to the whole band mindset... i hope.
i would really love to discuss that in here now, but i am off to get my friggin long hair cut and pick up my new glasses at the mall... i'm having an identity crisis... song today: whatever was in ms.hopkin's CD player when i was in there - pat metheny... an amazing guitar player. very "non-motivational morning music".... hhehehehehehehehe...
4:24:17 PM

saturday, june 23  
cool... blogger just installed spell check. it's not like i need it - i can't make a mistake without going back to correct it. a typical taurus, i am i am... so i'm thinking i'm going to go burn another mix CD: "julie's mix from hell part 3"... i always smash all my favorite songs together and come up with the weirdest blend... my last one featured ben harper, jann arden, phil collins, coldplay, bob marley.... the first one had holly cole, jill scott, elton john, and pavement, among others... you get my point, don't you? it's called being eclectic. i wish people understood that.
i love choir - i could sing every day. in fact i've been belting out jewel's version of "have a little faith in me" lately... i wonder if that's some kind of sign. oh well, i could never figure those out if they came up and hit me on the head. anyway, i'm beginning to notice the snobs a lot less... you know, those people who are like "why are you here, anyway?" and then make some sound that's halfway between spitting and exhaling... and i'm beginning to sing louder and prouder. yay. next week is "bonding over cranked jazz and music sorting" time. one of the highlights of my existence. not really, but it is fun!
song, song... ok... "sun is shining"... the remix with bob marley and funkstar. i've just christened that my summer anthem. it's bouncy. and yes, it's on my CD.
4:13:45 PM

wednesday, june 20  
since when does webster's dictionary define interfering as "being there for a friend?" just thought i would run that by you all...

i despise exams.
and then there's the fact that i will never be as happy at home as when i am at school. blah. mme fawcett came up to me yesterday and said: "i loveyour mission statement!"... whoa, back it up... i did good and it *wasn't* in music? wow. alright in case you missed the lighthearted sarcasm, i received the highest average in grade 11 music award. whoopee... is it just me or would something like 'most dedicated' be sooooo much nicer? marks aren't always the high point of my life. in fact they never are. and i hate being recognized for them, especially when it's something i love so much... i don't know why, it's always been like that. but i have no problems. i worked hard... i finally made the coveted 100 last term. yay.
today's song is "i don't care if you like me" by uncle ho... i'm sending it out to whoever wrote the dictionary.
3:37:16 PM

saturday, june 16  
dammit, why do i always forget a song???? yeah, so today it's "pick up the pieces" by the average white band. that song has been my favorite song FOREVER and i never knew what it was called! grr. oh well, now i know and i still love it. disco is alive in my mind.... blah it's hot so i'm hiding in my basement grooving to disco. i have a life. and i just discovered morpheus yesterday (while also hiding in my basement)... it has replaced the lame-ass napster on my hard drive. you can get it here, just follow the links... it rocks. and i got my learner's yesterday... 4 wrong on the rules section - i barely passed.... can you believe this youngun's gon' drive??? heheheh.... stay off the sidewalks, everyone.
10:36:45 AM

 

yes that's right. those are square watermelons....
so after i've overcome the lethargy of yesterday's 37 degree heat, i get to go do some postering for festival... i'm kind of glad i wasn't hired anywhere because now i can enjoy yet another summer - CSLC will be crazy nuts anyway. at least i can lose it all in a week of music. i am soooo excited for that.
10:10:01 AM

thursday, june 14  
it's soooooo hot in here! (the cslc office)
just thought i would let you know.
2:53:47 PM

tuesday, june 12  
wow. it's amazing that no matter how hard i try i keep creating my own stressful situations. either that or i am having pre-exam emotionalness... i feel like i am in this downward slump and it's so unfair that the only place i can be myself is around my saxophone... i just can't explain it. if i could just stop school and play for the rest of my life, i would. i hate chemistry, it's really pissing me off... my mark dropped ten points because of one stupid silly lab?!? that's just not right. and because i skipped class that day, there's going to be no "omit" in that box either! is it my fault that i just sat in the cafeteria like a catatonic slob? alright, maybe... but six points? i've written major essays that were only worth six points. not some wussy lab. and he's all like: "well when you take chemistry in university you're going to need to know this." um.. hello?! i'm not even taking it next year, so you can all kiss my little anti-science behind.
song today is 'here's to the night' by eve 6. it's actually this year's prom song or whatever it's called... i saw the video on much and it almost made me cry... and i'm not even graduating! man... sometimes it feels like it though... today in band class was a memory. i can't believe all these people will be gone next year. i obviously haven't written in a while. only 9 people signed up for the course. well, 8, we might as well not count a certain someone. the point is, one of the wrong people signed up, and more than one of the right people had to drop it for one reason or another. it breaks my heart. "here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon"...
7:04:41 PM

saturday, june 2  
i love closure. my audition is over, i talked to a few people, and since i had a shitty day yesterday, i'm just sooooo relieved everything is over for now. yay.

song: the muppets - hawaiian war chant... tis' a cool song, the harmonies are good and it's just silly
2:47:04 PM

tuesday, may 29  
how weird is it that for about 2 years i've wanted nothing more than to get out in the world and work and drive and be independent, but now that i can it's the last thing i want to do?

dammit!

oh well, here is a poem, by rachelle at postpoems.:

Life Is Too Precious

Life is too precious,

Time is too short,

Walk in the garden,

Be the loving, peaceful sort

Say all words in your heart

As if it is your last chance

Spin around in joy,

As if dancing your last dance

Relive the good memories

Over in your mind

Forgive every person

Who has been unkind

Life is too precious,

Time is too short,

Walk in the garden

Be the loving, peaceful sort.

fitting, don't you think? song today is breakable by fisher... i was just singing it, i love her voice...

7:46:31 PM

friday, may 25  
wow.

the first thought that came into my head whilst staring at this blankety-blank screen is: when did music stop being a joy for me? i begged off of english class first period to practice for my audition next week: and ultimately got what i think will end up being one of if not the most important lectures of my life. it's hard to explain how things changed since last year. it happened so gradually i kind of lost it without noticing. it wasn't until hopkin said it that i realized that music had become so serious to me. i mean, i am serious about it, but it was too extreme. i was always telling people that it's my thing - i realized that it's *their* thing. i was playing just to hear "wow julie, that was amazing"... or good, or great etc... i wanted to be a superstar! and i just wasn't doing it for *me* anymore. when she was talking, i saw the joy in her and i realized how long it has been since i truly felt that. to tell you the truth i'm not sure if i ever have. no wait, that's a lie. i did. when we played 'since i fell for you' in jazz band last year... that was the last time. crazy, that's over a year ago... oh well, now i am well on my way to being comfortable feeling that joy. that's what it's supposed to be about so i have to change that. use what you have instead of sitting on it, right? in my (real) music class 2nd period i soloed. (is that how you spell that? i'll never know.) we were working with the upstream project and i just went for it... and it felt good. odd, really. i feel peaceful now. even though i have a chemistry test last period and my knowledge is questionable... and i have a whole (boring so it's not included) list of things to do this weekend. hell, i'm just happy it's the weekend.

what's wrong with wearing sneakers and a skirt? i'll tell you: ab-so-lute-ly NOTHING!!

a song, a song, a song... how about "all or nothing" by athena cage. that certainly fits my mood for today...

bonus song: the hallelujah chorus from handel's messiah... this janitor thing looks like it's almost over!!!! YEAH!
11:54:10 AM

thursday, may 24  
here i am!
my posts are of course getting rarer and rarer since may/june is crazy for me. i almost succumbed to the stress today and had my Annual Absolute Freak Out, but fortunately hopkin came along with that little piece of chocolate just in time. good, because i need to save my Freak Out until exams are closer...

today i would like to talk priorities. I LOVE DANCE. I LOVE MUSIC. chemistry's not my favorite. neither is sitting there listening to a certain someone go on and on about something i already know. man, this stinks. i wish people would realize that maybe, just maybe i don't share their views on what's important. and i DON'T see this as a problem already!! grr... i just wanted to sit in my little gray cloud. so then i got to rip up some phone books and it was all good... i highly recommend it as a stress reliever - it's AMAZING!

now i'm about dance! if i had some space free i would SO take dance 11... school is so unfair. but at least i miss 2 days for this shindig next week. i think it will be weird being around people who don't know me, but i'm dancing again so that's all that matters.

i had such an amazing time at NSSSA. maybe i will get the energy to write about it later.

ok. i need a song. how about bye bye blackbird... by me... i was practicing and i got sick of it so i turned off my light in my room and just belted it... yeah yeeeah.
9:19:02 PM

wednesday, may 9  
and i haven't posted in forever!!

here i am listening to natalie merchant in the CSLC office.... oops. i MEANT: here i am getting out of class to type my english homework... call it what you will. i just had choir. which was interesting because i can't talk. but ironically i can't sing too too bad... it's weird. i can't sing as well as i would normally (trumpet fanfare!)... naw, i think you all know what i mean. i really wanted to try out for that solo. i don't want the actual solo, i just wanted to get up there and sing... i'm having one of those happy days. which makes sense because we were singing O Happy Day....... o dear.

i love birthdays! i love giving people little things that make their day just a little bit better. i'm not one for extravagant gifts. yes, even when they are for me... well, i just don't see it as a day where i have this excuse to have things showered on me. i would just rather people be nice to me and do cute little things... i played ms.hopkin a song on the announcements cuz its' her birthday today. i played that louie armstrong one: "life is so peculiar"... it was so cool!! see? just little things like that... birthdays fill me with this warm and squishy feeling. but i did have some blueberry yogourt for lunch.

this is fun, just sitting here and chilling. i haven't done that in a while! i really should be working on my english but hey, i have the weekend relatively free, right? meh... adam is so cool. we sat in chemistry today going "ribbit" because my voice is really croaky.... i'm getting better! in a way i wish i could stay like this because i like making people laugh. looks like i will have to find another way. well next week will be insane... monday is Go M.A.D. 2001 (Go Make A Difference - leadership conference for the jr.high kids)... tuesday and wednesday are artswork (at the sackville arena - GO, IT WILL BE A BLAST - 7pm both nights - $5 $3)... and thursday we leave for NSSSA... this is so going to kick bum. no chemistry class for me next week (if i can help it!)

oh yeah i need a song... why not... "o happy day". in my head. grrrr..... i should change it to "o croaky day"... ha ha ha...
12:05:05 PM

monday, april 23  
welcome to shs student's council election week. my picks have been solid since um... last year. and since no-one will read this, i'll just tell you that i'm voting for the other 4 members of "the CSLC five". i know them, i love them, and i know they will do a good job. i'm just hoping that a certain few status seekers won't get the vote. but hey, popularity abounds at every high school, regardless of whether it kicks ass or not. why am i feeling like i am on survivor or something?? weird. oh well, since today was amazing and you-know-what happens tomorrow... i couldn't be better. so i have actually 2 happy versions of "i can see clearly now" for my songs now. one is by the holly cole trio - it makes me smile. the other is by a group called "snuff"... it makes me want to headbang... yay!

it's gonna be a bright (bright) bright and sunshiny day...
8:44:46 PM

friday, april 20  
song: cur your hair by pavement... they're on napster, you should check 'em out... thx dianna for recommending them, they're good!
let me just say that i love my school...

where else are there teachers who are friend enough to tell me of their "fluidic indulgences"... (PG-13, just in case?), impromptu barbecues in the parking lot, and chemistry classes where all we do is sit and play with silly putty while martell "visits" our class for 20 minutes? i'm sorry, but i don't think i will ever forget our roadkill turtles! see, this is the stuff that makes school worthwile.
fluidic indulgences... that was genius, i will have to use that one again...
look at my sneakers!

arent' they cool? well, mine have dark grey stripes instead of blue, and you can't see it but they say "superstar" around the shoelaces holes... too much...
since i have no interesting dirty secrets to reveal, i will have to sign off. "what? i don't know what you're talking about?"....
oscar worthy - i tell ya... hee hee hee!! i am the devil incarnate with no secrets who kills silly putty turtles.
11:18:42 PM

sunday, april 15  
HOPPY EASTER ALL!!!

cool. so i got some silly putty for easter - quite possibly the bestest present i've ever received! all breakfast i just sat there, playing with my silly putty... what makes it cool is it's the 50th anniversary edition - glittery gold instead of just plain pink!! and it still does all the cool stuff! silly putty is god. click on the link above for some uses that are arguably beneficial. despite my fascination with this phenomenally omnipurpose polymer, jesus is still the real reason for the season... despite what the folks at hallmark say.
just had a great convo with a friend - erin if you're reading this, you rock.
my song of the moment: "video" by india.arie... what a gem! quite a talented woman. i suggest her CD "acoustic soul", if R&B is your thing.... it's amazing. you know what? here are the words to "video" because this is such a positive song. i love it.

Verse 1
Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
Chorus
I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
India.Arie
Verse 2
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see
Chorus
Verse 3
Am I less of a lady if I don’t where panty hose
My momma said a lady ain’t what she wears but what she knows…
But I’ve drawn the conclusion, it’s all an illusion
Confusion’s the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception,
Something got to change
Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law
This is a true confession 
Of a life learned lesson 
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind 
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright
Chorus
Out
Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks
I don’t need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars and your caviar
All’s I need is my guitar
Keep your crystal and your pistol
I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don’t need you silicone, I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine…