reading material...
...peeling in my reign
...stupid ho
...altimas rock
...walang takut
...the G spot
...gomakross
...superlum
...hoolihoo2
...dex
visuals...
...flashback
...gallery one
...gallery two
...gallery three
...gallery four
...my 24th B-Day
...rosarito 2000
...connie and bill’s wedding
...connie and bill’s reception
...the dodger game
my past life...
...July Archive
...August Archive
...September Archive
...October Archive
...November Archive
...December Archive
...January 2001 Archive
...February 2001 Archive
...March 2001 Archive
...April 2001 Archive
...May 2001 Archive
...June 2001 Archive
...July 2001 Archive
...August 2001 Archive
...current
.::Monday, September 17, 2001::.
//12:30:44 AM// did you know that i can't give blood because of my tattoo? the rules are that you must wait a year before you're allowed to give blood. i'm disappointed....::Sunday, September 16, 2001::.
//4:55:04 PM// another hazy fantazy sunday afternoon. the weather is great but yet what am i doing? sitting at my computer looking up prices for hp ink cartidges and glossy photo paper. i made a few prints today and for the first time in a while i used the photoshop plug-in that my old company developed. sometimes i wonder how the company that bought us is doing. cuz the software is freaking amazing. and this isn't a paid advertisement...the job search continues. or shall i say finally, seriously begins. but how many times have i already said that...
//2:47:16 AM// kristine cracks me up. i'll take a wild guess and assume that a majority of the people in the house were drunk. and did you say to the firemen "that's FUCKED UP!!!"? i just love talking about the good old days...
yeah, i stay up real late. so what? seriously though, i need to alter this bad habit...
.::Saturday, September 15, 2001::.
//2:01:57 AM// have i chatted online with sandy every night / early morning this week? it's funny how even over AIM i can picture her facial expressions and her ZOOM IN laughter. and lately ~ mixed within the jibberish we call conversation ~ she has actually brought up some damn good points about me. stuff about my past that i never really noticed... and that kinda plays a part in my life today. i would mention what we chatted about but you would have to know my past to understand. actually, it's about a PERSON in my past that i have a special bond with... and that is all i need to say. damnit sandy, thanks for making me over-analyze even more than i already do...i had lunch with tony today and i officially flaked out on giant for saturday. i kinda want to go but i just don't "feel it" this weekend. and i'm not gonna blame it all on the terrorist attacks cuz it's more than just that. i think i'm at peace with the tragedy. it seems as if all my friends are either too deep in the party scene for me or just in a contemplative mood like myself. either way, i was bored to death tonight yet didn' feel like calling any friends to hang out. so i drove to seal beach to kill some time ~ since i don't sleep til the wee hours of the morning. when i got to the pier there was still a small group of people remaining from the 7 p.m. candlelight vigil and so i stood there with them... these strangers that i barely met. yeah, you guys probably think it's weird of me to be there by myself on a friday night but like i said, i didn't feel like doing anything else tonight. the sight of all those candles on the ground... beside a tree... with the pacific as the backdrop... put life into perspective for me. i can't really describe what i felt cuz every single one of our lives is affected differently. but i'm still trying to make sense out of other issues in my life...
.::Friday, September 14, 2001::.
//1:12:39 AM// earlier tonight i was compelled to go for a drive. after passing out from exhaustion at seven o'clock i awoke at nine in a daze. i didn't wake up in a panic but ~ for lack of a better word ~ i just felt overwhelmed. i fell asleep watching abc's coverage of the efforts to rescue those 10 firefighters and since i didn't fall into a deep sleep, i could hear the reporters as i was in slumber. and upon waking up i felt the sudden need to make sense of my life... and so to clear my head, i drove. i had no idea where my destination was but i just needed to GO. what sucks about living in the san gabriel valley is that there's no nearby place that i love being at. i would normally spend time at the beach but it was already nightfall. so i just drove along the streets in the city i grew up in... and just kept going. i never really stopped anywhere though. i just found my way back home. and as i sat in my car i realized that my life ~ for so many reasons ~ has never been as complicated nor emotional as it is AT THIS VERY MOMENT. so i search for answers....::Thursday, September 13, 2001::.
//4:58:38 PM// i told myself that i would soon resume writing about the daily nonsense that goes on in my life. but it's gonna be more difficult than i thought. hopefully by this weekend. but sean and susie's sites say it all...//3:13:32 AM// my 3 a.m. insomniac crew... sandy and rose.
//2:08:22 AM// i really don't know how to react to all these "end of the world" theories. the eerie coincidences between prophecy and reality are a bit freaky... actually, they're VERY freaky. but i'm also skeptical that these actions are done with these prophecies in mind. kinda like copycat crimes. i always thought the end of the world would come at the hands of mankind. either through our abuse of the environment or by our inability to live peacefully. and the idea of nuclear, chemical, or biological warfare scares the hell out of me... and THAT is a very real threat. cuz who knows WHAT the u.s. and every other country out there has been creating and hiding since the last world war. i've read a few random weblogs and ~ to my surprise ~ there are a few people making light of the recent events... some more so than others. actually, there's one fucker that really pisses me off but i dont' feel like wasting my energy in an argument. whether you live in canada or any other country that you THINK is safe, you're just plain ignorant. if this is the beginning of world war III then i fear no country will be immune to the destruction. there are some that compare the innocent lives lost in the new york attack to victims of murderers or drunk drivers. yeah, innocent people are killed every day. but not everyday do those deaths unite a country and ignite the flames of war...
.::Wednesday, September 12, 2001::.
//4:15:46 PM// throughout the night i could hear the roar of jet engines in our southern california skies. since all commercial planes have been grounded, i can only assume they were fighter jets on their way to patrol the coast of california and the pacific northwest. just knowing that we have aircraft carriers and other assorted navy vessels in the pacific is an unsettling feeling. and as the possibility of war looms in the horizon i can't help but fear for the worse....::Tuesday, September 11, 2001::.
//4:47:43 PM// i'm not gonna even attempt to describe the details of today... i'm pretty sure everybody knows about it by now. after watching so much tv and cable news about the tragedy in new york and our nation's capital, i needed a trip to the gym so i could clear my head. the minute i stepped outside my house i could sense everything had changed... and the phrase "innocence lost" comes to mind. that's the short-term reaction to such a horrendous event. i was listening to the radio on my walkman as i worked out and it all finally sunk in. kiis fm played u2's "stuck in a moment you can't get out of" with news bites in the background. i was no longer too concerned about the safety of our country or the fact that i live in los angeles, a prime target for future terrorist attacks. instead i thought about the innocent people that lost their lives... and the friends and family they left behind. THAT is the saddest part of all this. although i realized that i need to do a better job of keeping up with internatioal affairs, NOW isn't the time for the people of this country to get caught up in a frenzy. i admit to not being a religious person but i hope we all said a prayer for everybody that suffered... and let our government deal with payback. cuz in all honesty, what the hell can we as individuals really do at this moment?the only person i really know in new york is lyn. i received a call from gil and he let me know that she should be okay. he spoke to her sister ~ who works in the world trade center but was thankfully on her way to work and NOT in the building at the moment the planes crashed ~ and she said that lyn was in the subway and everything came to a halt. but she was still able to get in touch with her sister so she must be okay. and since gil is in hawaii he said that there's a lot of military activity on the islands going on right now... it's a bit eerie that he's so close to pearl harbor.
as the days pass by i hope life will get back to normal ~ normal is such an odd word cuz i don't think anybody in the u.s. will ever forget today ~ and that this never happens again. but it's our long-term reaction that matters. i'll always think of today as another reminder to appreciate our lives and the important people that we share it with...
//10:00:25 AM// i'm at a lost for words...
.::Monday, September 10, 2001::.
//11:00:29 PM// why is it that although i live so damn close to rose, we only hang out every once in a while? tonight we went to shau may for some boba and slush and chatted... rose likes to call it "boba bonding". one of the coolest things about rose is that she calls everything as she sees them. and she actually understands other people's points of view. maricar and fred met up with us later and before i knew it, i was hanging with the sabino clan. very interesting...plans were made and shot down in the span of 15 minutes today. tony asked if i was up for a cross country drive from san jose to virginia. his mom's moving to virginia and he's supposed to drive the car over there while she flies... and then he would fly back. my first reaction was "hell fucking yeah!!!" but then my rational mind took over. the trip wouldn't be until mid october and it would be at least a two week trip... and i will hopefully be working by then. not to mention that we can't find a one-way flight back for less than 5 bills. but if this trip were to take place next week i would give it more serious thought. dude, when am i ever gonna have the chance to drive cross country?
//2:13:40 AM// now that i'm satisfied with the quality of my resume, i began searching for jobs on monster.com tonight. while doing so i realized what my greatest fear about the job search is. it's not the rejection or the interviews. it's the likelihood that i'm gonna HATE my job. as i sorted through all these job postings, i know that i'm qualified for a lot of them but at the same time i pictured myself sitting at a desk just HATING life. yeah, i know being so anal about this is stupid since i haven't even contacted these people but i have this fear of dreading work. i used to think that this job search was gonna be a piece of cake but i'm beginning to have doubts...
.::Sunday, September 09, 2001::.
//9:59:33 PM// earthquake shmearthquake. anything less than a 6.0 is meaningless. it is strange for me to want these weaker earthquakes to last longer than they do? seriously, do many earthquakes last long enough for you to really remember how it felt? when this all went down today i was hanging with jen and her family once again. yeah, another one of their family birthday events ~ dude, they have one at least once a month ~ for both allison's mom and beyonce. the funniest part was that allison was recording the day's events on her camcorder and caught jen's mom's reaction when the earthquake hit... a classic moment caught on tape. i used to feel out of place being the only non-family member at these family get-togethers but not as much anymore. jen's mom now calls me quinny boy and they all speak tagalog in front of me. we were watching a video skit they made in which tagalog was mostly spoken. and in my mind i kept thinking "huh? subtitles please...". sometimes i want to learn the language so that i can understand what they all say about me... especially the crap jen says. i had the opportunity to hear allison sing again and she's great. sometimes i forget that she's capable of that...afterwards i came home cuz my younger brother wanted to have dinner with the family before his flight back to the bay. i didn't get to spend enough time with him though cuz he just got back from vegas. for that reason i definitely need to visit him soon...
//2:11:54 AM// i need to get this out of the way or else it'll set the tone for the rest of this entry. I GOT A FUCKIN' SPEEDING TICKET TONIGHT. i'm so damn pissed right now cuz i know better than to jam down the 10 at almost 2 in the morning. but in my defense there was a porsche that was doing over 100 that zoomed right by me. and this cop had the nerve to tell me he didn't see the porsche? actually, i can't blame this on the cop cuz i WAS speeding at over 80 mph. but i'm positive that he didn't tail me for as long as he claims cuz i know when i'm being tailed. but hey, he's the cop and i'm the dumbass stuck with a ticket that's gonna cost me over $200. hopefully not too much more than that. i hate traffic tickets cuz they're such a fuckin' waste of money. my driving record has been clean for more than four years but this still sucks. i hate the whole experience of getting pulled over.... especially at night. with their damn bright lights and flashlights. FUCK!!! i'm such an idiot. why is it that i drive so much more carefully when i'm faded than when sober? maybe it's cuz i'm shitting bricks when i drive while faded...
but on to better topics...
tonight was grace's birthday ~ i'm not using the name beyonce this time cuz it's her special day ~ and we had a surprise dinner for her. she thought it was only gonna be jen, allison, and myself but we had some of her close friends show up. it's cool that she was so surprised. we ate at india's oven in hollywood and went to grace's apartment afterwards to watch this video that allison and jen made for her. and after a few people left, the crazy dancing began. and dex even joined the madness. freaking hilarious. but we all had to participate since it WAS grace's birthday. there was also picture taking but since it was on my digital camera, i have the power to determine which ones go public. do you feel the power?
.::Saturday, September 08, 2001::.
//5:14:12 PM// why do so many people take the words that come out of my mouth as seeming "holier than thou" or being a "know it all"? good gawd. so what if i judge people based on what they have done in the past to me ~ or anybody else for that matter ~ and NOT just cuz i don't feel the vibe from that person. i may be more cautious of that person but not DISLIKE that person. of course at times i get bad vibes from people the first time i meet them, but i never like or dislike them just because of that. and if that makes me HOLIER THAN THOU... then so fuckin' be it. it doesn't even make sense...we all have our differences in opinion. and i understand that. and if you're one to proclaim that "you have an opinion about someone and we are sure as hell entitled to that!" then you should also respect the fact that other people are entitled to their opinions also... and not attempt to chew them out in your weblog. that would only make sense, right?
aren't these weblogs getting more interesting as we go along?