friends can be your everything, yet mean nothing at the same time. 1/6/2001 01:11:37 AM Damn the internet. I'm 'bout ready to loose my crappin mind!! Took me 15 valuable minutes to arrive at the blogger site. I'll tell you something stupid- I actually believed there was something called the "free internet." yeah right! Absolutely positively NOTHING is for free. Actually, there is one thing- nothing. Get my drift?? I swear, they put restraints on you left and right. Then they slap this limited use thing in my face. *ouch! So i'm down to 25 hours a month (bluelight) or being a fricken nocturnal beast who is allowed to frolic and play for 4 pathetic hours (1 AM to 4AM) on the wonderful world of the world wide web (juno). THIS is amusing to me. So which one should i choose?? ha. My answer- BOTH. So i'm cool. I'm OK. I'm calm regardless of the torture I am currently being subjected to. So two weeks of no school- it was fun while it lasted. Sucks that we have to go back. Yet another thing that sucks. What's the matter with everything? Everything sucks all the sudden and here i am, left to wonder "what the hell happened?" Beats me. Life's weird. Sometimes I just want to beat the bahjeezus out of it, crack it open, and find out what it's really made of. Yes, like a coconut. Sometimes when i have nothing to do except homework, I sacrifice valuable homework time in order to think these thoughts, in addition to watching tv. Why do we exist? it's the weirdest question of them all. And if not "why do we exist" then sometimes i think "why are people the way they are?" and if not that, then "how come i can't stand MANY people??" It's weird. Such as life. I guess I'll never really understand it. Sir Tabor once said that the purpose of life is to live and praise God and worship Him or something to that extent. But then i asked myself "what's the purpose in that?" (honestly kids, NOT trying to be deep...just trying to explain the things that've been going round in my head recently.) So anyhow, enough of the "what the purpose of life is.." and such. I find myself to be much too self righteous. I think I should take a look around and accept things as they are instead of pointing out things and complaining about them. But how the hell do i do that when some of the people around me are totally fuck nuts?? I just find myself being tossed into an incredibly stupid scene in a play- a total show where everyone's a fuckin actress or something. It drives me nuts. stupid facades of fakeness seems to befall even the people i thought were happenin kids. Maybe I'm the one performing an act. But if i am, then why do i feel that I am the most ME i can be? or Maybe everything's changing and i refuse to. I wouldn't want to change if that was the direction we're all heading in. It's dumb. It's so unreal and ...superficial. Sometimes i wonder if these people know the title of the show they're putting on cause i'd like to offer a few suggestions if they didn't have one. Some I've come accross are "You're 17, ACT YOUR AGE," "superficial, materialistic, artificial snob," "SCANLESS!" "Who do YOU think you are?" Fake. FAKE. The ultimate thing i hate. Yet it is surrounding me and feeding on the approval my little society. It grows like athletes foot does to your feet. Or that dirt between your toes, only this dirt is itchy and in big chunks. Or an itch you will never be able to reach. SOmething is left so unsaid. We, all players in a circus, walk like clowns in the show. We look stupid and amuse others because we care too much of what other people think. We need approval from others. We feed on the attention of others. My conclusion: Life's a fuckin circus and I'm afraid of clowns. 1/6/2001 12:52:11 AM HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONATHAN KAWIKA EARSLEY!!! -October 21, 2000- 10/23/2000 05:21:05 PM HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL NG!!! -October 19, 2000- 10/23/2000 05:20:34 PM HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON LEE!!!! -October 18, 2000- 10/23/2000 05:18:19 PM Hey doodies. It's October 23, 2000. I'm officially sick of school. Lots of things have been going on lately. Homecoming was last Friday. I had a doozie of a time!! Thanks Mikey for going with me. I know it was forced and all and that you might not have wanted to go, but I hope it was fun. :) Let me fill you guys in on stuff. See, two weeks ago (i think it was two weeks..well..whocares..) i asked Michael Ng (that crazy, acrobatic, 17-year-old junior) to homecoming. Seeing as we were both in ASB and had to go anyhow, i thought it would be nice if we just went together. So there I was, a senior girl asking this junior guy to homecoming (which isn't such a bad idea, seeing as the senior guys aren't looking too great in the mature catagory). So I ask Mikey and he says "I guess so." " I guess so?!" I repeated, and then said "nevermind!" then ran out the door. He'll tell you different if you ask him...he'll say he was shy and whatnot, but I wouldn't believe him. o no...no way. :) But I had fun. Some pictures are up if you want to see em..the link is on my homepage on the top where it says "a couple homecoming pixies-NEW!" check em out and stuff. The half time show was a riot! It went purrrrrrrrfect! Seeing as it was planned out by Pam and Devon, it was awesome. I was kinda going frantic though cause I was directing the show, but all went well and the performance was muy excellente! ok. now i'm gunna go to sleep. talk to you kiddies soon. 10/23/2000 05:16:48 PM One last thing...please check out some info on some stuff i saw on Oprah today. I normally don't watch that deep, spirited chick, but i felt so passionate about this show. Maybe cause i'm a femin-nazi. :) check out these sites on the topics...FGM Female Genitalia Mutilation and RAWA- Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan. If you are a girl, i urge you to learn more about these issues. As horrific as the situations are, they still are going on in the world. I'm going to take action when i grow older. One way or another, i'm going to do something for this cause. I think the world needs to empower women to fight against these human rights that are being taken away from them. In some countries, a woman could legally be shot and killed if SHE was raped, committed adultry, wanted a divorce, or in any way dishonored the family. In other places, acid could be thrown at you if you refused a man. Acid that melts your face so that it is charred, bearing resemblance to that of a disfigured monster. The FGM is a commonplace in many parts of Africa. It is a disgusting procedure in which the clitoris of a girl is removed with a razor blade at an age of around 12. And worst of all, she's completely awake for the entire procedure. These and other situations like these of the world need attention. Get informed... 9/29/2000 10:56:50 PM HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. TABOR! -September 20- 9/29/2000 10:33:59 PM HAPPY BIRTHDAY YALE ESTER LEE! -September 28- 9/29/2000 10:31:34 PM Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez. It's been so long. So terribly long. My site seems rustic and worn out. Though it's been hit on like mad while i was away from the scene. I guess that's a good sign. And the best part is, THIS time, i wasn't the one visiting my site! I've seen it once in the last month. Ah well. School has gotten the best of me. The best, the worst, the life, and the health of me. It's bitter-sweet. I've been overworked, and it's only the first MONTH! How insane. I think i've finally reached my limit on extracurriculars. I'm drawing a great honking line. NO MORE! I overestimated myself. I can barely handle what i have now. But it's ok. I thrive on being busy. My classes are cool. I think my favorite class is Statistics with Mr. Tabor. He's such a funny guy. hahhah....and such a big ol' dork. :) He's my last class of the day so i end my tedious schedule on a good note. He's a great man. and a smart one. :) As for my social life...(or lack thereof)...it's all downhill from here, kids. Mock Trial is starting soon though. That's a good thing. Can't wait. Ok. I can't stay on forever. I'm tired and my system is running on empty. So i hope i'll get a chance to update you kids on my life. (like you give hoot, but still....) O yeah...i saw the Get Up Kids last weekend. They totally kicked!!!!! The House of Blues was jammed packed which made for a great, disgusting and intangible aroma of big time B.O. Nasty. But WELL worth it. The keyboardist is HOT, HOT, HOT! heheh. Thanks Justine for going with me. You rawk you sexy momma. :) -on a side note, there was an inconsiderate bastard at the show who kept pissin' me off! Here's a lesson for you, kids...when you're dancing (or whatever he was doing), mind the people around you. You have no god-given right to be falling, pushing, and shoving everyone. Stupid, bad smellin', jerk. ah well. get up, KIDS! 9/29/2000 10:26:58 PM Let's see..today was normal again. Went to el biblioteca to do some hardcore studying. I finished (the cliff notes to) Frankenstein! woohoo! YUP! After that, i took myself out for a little treat. I got myself some good ol' haw flakes. If you're asian, you'll know what i'm talking about. Some of you might refer to them as "pennies" for they do resemble pennies in a way. What is a "haw?" Is it a fruit? This would make for an interesting conversation. It certainly would. I haven't heard from pradeep yet. Wish he'd write cause it'd be good to hear from that guy. It's not the same without him around. Him and his silly, silly jokes. What a tard! heheh..:) He said "Yeah..apply to Berekeley.." and i thought he was out of his mind. Unless he wanted to set me up for a rejection letter..in which case i'll kick his arse. But he knows better than that. I increased my running time to a good two hours. I figured, hey, why not? I have nothing better to do and two hours will burn a good 1000 calories. So that was a day in the life of me. I should get going before i lose track of time. I'm just arguing with henry right now. Not really an argument. He's just trying to tell me i'm fob. o yeah..HENRY..YOU ARE FOB. and "when you have problem, remember me. I'll always beside you. We are friend forever!" catch me later, kids... 8/22/2000 02:15:48 AM One day later and i'm still sulking. The Berkeley kids left yesterday..:( it's so sad! I already miss Pradeep. He's a good guy. He's so admirable,respectable, and lovable. ;) He's one of the coolest kids i know. We have stupid fun! haha. But stupid fun is always the best type of fun. We all know that. So i'm still kinda wallowing in my sorrows cause we're not gunna see that guy for a while. He's the type you want to have around cause he's so fun to be around..and so sooo smart. He's gunna be my doctor. yup. and in return, i'm going to be his something or another. Depends on the career i have cause i don't know yet. He needs a stick to beat off all the indian chicks that are gunna swarm after him at cal. I forgot to give him that as he left, but he's smart..he can handle things without a stick! I hope he gets real exposed to ska cause i think he mentioned that his roommate liked ska. yay! hope he comes back with a new respect for the music. :) yup! so this entry is dedicated to him. He's the type you want to see succeed. And he will. I know he will. I have no doubt about him. You'd all love him if you met him. I swear..one of the most admirable and warmest people i know. :) *If you're reading this pradeep..then STOP and go back to studying! :) WE MISS YOU DEARLY. COME BACK SOON. and GOOD LUCK OVER THERE!! 8/20/2000 04:10:26 PM Well, let's see...today was a tiresome day! We all took a little trip to the beach today. It was a scorcher! The waters were really weird too. The waves broke at awkward places. But besides that...football was soo fun! hahaa..dood..i tackled kevin! And i got the bruise to prove it! It's about the size of two quarters and it's black and blue. Terrible, yes. BUt it's battle wound..so it's ok. :) Let's see..me and yale sang patriotic songs. Hahaa..that was hilarious. We sang songs like the star spangled banner, "God bless America," "Yankee Doodle," "Our Country tis of THee.." you know..stuff like that. It was fun. hhaha. We later buried yale in sand. Allan made her boobies! hahaha! it was so funny cause allan is the type of person you'd think would NEVER do that. BUt he made her boobies!! not just one set of boobies...after he made the first set, he went on to make another set..these were bigger. YEs..i don't know why though. Then as he was making the first boob of the second set, kevin, jeff, and pradeep said to him.."hey allan, girls only have two man." hahaha..that almost killed me! i was rolling on the floor, gasping for air when i looked over to see that allan was making a bigger set. hahahaha! (if you're not getting the mental picture of this..sorry buddy..you're out of luck!) Then as we were heading back, pradeep was trying to race allan which was fun cause i kept screaming out to allan trying to intimidate him, but i guess they were having a nice conversation in their car.. There was this one time where i was screaming to allan as we were approaching a red light. We stopped and i was still yelling before i noticed that the car next to us had his window opened. haha..he looked over as if we were tards or something..and then i turned the opposite way..hahaha..dood..it was a fun night. alright..that's enough for now.. 8/19/2000 02:12:04 AM Let's see...today was reeeeeeely FUN FUN FUN...(sarcasm, in case you didn't catch my drift). Yep. I woke at 12:30 i think...and got ready to go to the library again. If you're starting to feel sorry for me, don't! I honestly enjoy that place now. Well, besides the occasional cell phone going off here and crazy stalker there...the library greets me with open arms. I get a lot of things done there and i feel so happy when i walk out of that 60 degree facility. dood..it's butt freezing cold in there! Perfect for the summer's heat. o..you're probably wondering about crazy stalker guy..yeah..he's a nut. It's gotten better now, but a couple weeks ago, this sick looking man would follow me around in the library. Every seat i'd move to, he'd go to the one next to me. One time, i just took off and ran out. It's freakish. Stop by the library and i'll point him out..that is, if he's there. Anyhow..what else did i do today.... Well, i got home to realize that i didn't have the key to actually GET IN the house. It was getting near my jogging time, so i decided to read the paper for a little bit before i went to the park. Man..the DNC is so interesting. I didn't catch today's speeches cause i was out...booo! i guess i'll read up on it tomorrow. So i went walking today around the park. It wasn't very good cause i was in jean shorts...and i had shin splints..but whatever little bit i can get out of the day helps. o yeah..want to know a good song?? "there he goes, blimpie boy..gliding through the air so fancy free." good heh? catchy..very! o yeah..and here's another.. "my bratwurst has a first name, it's f-r-i-t-z. My bratwurst has a second name, it's s-c-h-n-a-c-k-e-n-p-f-e-f-f-e-r-h-a-u-s-s-e-n." ha! I learned that one today. good tunes! MUY bueno!! Hm..that's about it. yup..pretty boring life, eh? exactly. 8/9/2000 01:52:06 AM For those of you who keep checkin this and thinking.."You're suppose to write something you nut! Not, 'first log entry of the day' or 'second log entry.'" well..in my defense, i just haven't gotten around to it. But i'm good now. So what did i do today..hmm..if you really care to know, then keep reading these entries, k? If you don't then i'm telling you now..that's what these things are gunna be! So i woke up at 10ish today and that is a strange thing cause on a normal day, i'd be up to my antics at 12. Yup. I'm so lazy. But it's ok cause as you can see, it's 2:50am and i'm staying up to summarize the happenings of today for you, my general audience, to read. Why so early you ask? well, my mom has these two days out of the entire year where she just all out cooks dishes and dishes of food (chinese food) and prays to Buddah (i think) for good health and blessings or something. (so i never understood these things even though she's been doing them since could remember...can you blame me??!) So i decide to assist her as chief. After we cook, we do this thing where we light incense and pray. (or at least she does it..i just kinda make like i'm doing it..and all the while, i'm wispering to myself...kinda in my head.."sorry to dissapoint you mom, and buddah god. i'm agnostic and i plan to remain that way until i find something that best suits me. enjoy the food, and bring some good health to my parents, heh? o yeah..and help my dad win the lottery like my mom's been asking you for the past 14 years.") So after that, i grab my books and head down to the library for some hardcore studying. yup. When i got there, i saw jason's red bmw and joyce's cow car. So my inklings were right cause i knew i'd see some kids i knew there. So i walk up to Joyce and scare the very life out of her (what a nut..) before plopping myself down on the chair next to jason. After that, i ran fer an hour, got home and watched the Democratic National Convention. oooo..i'm so excited about that. Clinton spoke. He's so awesome. Regardless of the mistakes he's made, he's the best President to come along in a long time. If you didn't hear his speech, then you were robbed. shoot..you should read it! It was awesome! I was literally sitting at home raising my clenched fists and shouting "YESS!!! Damn right billy boy! DAAAYAM right."after each attack he made on the Republicans. Can't wait for day 2. dood..it feels good to be a Democratic American. yesireee bob. You Republicans don't know what you're missin! horraaay for the Donkeys! You know, I hope Hillary gets a stab at presidency. She has the potential....i'd vote for her. As for the protesters outside...It's good that nothing got burned, broken, killed, or damaged. HOwever, i think respect should be shown to the president as well as the government. RAge can kick and scream about how sucky our government is, but i don't see them running for office or getting involved in politics. Truth is, our government is the best it can be. Perfection cannot be achieved. So live with it rage and you rage kids. cause without a democracy, you'd be rotting in a crappy government system wishing you had lots more. o, and without the constitution and the politicians protecting it, you'd be shot and killed. 8/9/2000 01:48:11 AM