click on "erica in holland"

if you want to read about my adventures in the low country. i won't be updating here until i get back...
posted by erica face at 1:38 PM

some last minute house cleaning

in never innocent news...check out the new poems by ava kim here. also, i don't think i am going to use yahoo photo. i have trouble downloading the pictures with good quality once i post them there. what i think i am going to do is just put them right into the directory of my website. anything really worth note, i will link....
here! and for those who need things spelled out, that is http://weinerspice.diaryland.com . diaryland lets me archive (unlike blogger) so expect updates on JYA to be posted there. so i probably won't be posting much to this paqrticular blog, but perhaps i will when the fancy strkes me.
posted by erica face at 8:02 AM

wanna see hot pictures?

or not...but as i said a few days ago, i purchased a digital camera and i will attempt to post my pictures to this site. so be on the look out for holland through my viewfinder...
posted by erica face at 5:41 PM

a fairly personal post

i have been carrying around the feeling all day that i am a horrible person. not ring leader of genocide horrible person, but a horrible person nonetheless. i don't know if i can succinctly describe it, but i will attempt to i suppose.
i just feel like i fuck up personal relationships a lot. not all the time, but a lot. jess and i reached a point of NO communication by the end of school, and despite any of the tangible reasons that definitely exist to explain that situation, all i can feel is that i am unable to create long term, meaningful relationships with people i spend a lot of time with. i was barely talking to julie h. and metthea and i had our rough spots. i don't know if it is the volitile climate of college or my inability to be a good friend to people.
and while i stated in an earlier post that i was going to be friends with scott again, i don't know how that is going to work out. i was IMing him last night, and it was just weird. like he didn't want to talk to me. that i was intruding on his life. now i know i can't expect to just waltz in and out of his life at my convenience...i know this. at the same, renewing a friendship with him would somehow prove that i don't hurt and alienate EVERYONE i get close to.
for awhile, i thought that it was good that i lost contact with so many people from my past. but i went to a party last weekend and saw almost everyone that i was friends with in 10th grade. i am sure you are thinking "ooh, 10th grade! who gives a fuck?" but i realized how my relationships with people go from really deep and intense to almost non-existant so fast. these were people i spent every day with, but i couldn't tell a single thing about them now, at least beyond a shallow level.
and now i am leaving for somewhere else, leaving friends again, having to make a whole new (temporary) life. yes yes...i know this is going to awesome, but the transplanting is taking its toll on me. good thing i was never an army brat.
but on a positive note, my loan check came. and i purchased a digital camera! a sony dsc-p50... i like it a lot. if you look at my info page, you can see one of the 2 pictures i have taken with it, so far.
ok, i need to go...
posted by erica face at 10:10 PM

in exactly one week from now...

i will be flying over beautiful downtown newark, NJ (does newark have a down town?). last week was the week when i was flipping out about leaving and this week is the denial week, wherein somehow i refuse to accept the fact that i am leaving so soon. is this like a part of me is dying with the whole JYA thing?
you see, the thing that sucks about being home is that when i am here, this whole blog falls right into the toilet. for someone trapped at home and about to leave the country, i have been doing a lot of shit, but i don't have the time to write about it here. and a bunch of the things i have been doing have led to some reflection on my part that i should be documenting for posterity. alas, sloth will make my new self-realizations vanish into the ether, and i will be less of a person for having not taken the time to jot it all down. (and the thing is, i don't feel like typing it all right now...the sloth thing again).
a quick note. today i was out with keri, and she said "you know it seems that with him (brendan) you don't have to worry about trusting him while you are away". and without hesitation, i said "yeah, i know". BIG FUCKING MOMENT, i would say. yes, i, erica the eternal doubter of brendan's faith and devotion, was able to answer, without hesitation, without a moments reflection, that i, in fact, trust brendan completely.
this morning, as i watched him sleep, all i could think about was home much i love him. goddammit, i am getting teary eyed thinking about him...i suck.
posted by erica face at 10:32 PM

so this thing has a purpose, i guess

with t-minus 1 week to go til Holland day (um, my own new holiday?), there has been a flurry of emails from some cool women who are going on my program. stupid me, i forgot that the address for this page was on the bottom, so when one of the women emailed me back, referencing this blog, i was worried for a second. but then she said it helped her feel like she sort of knew me. and i guess that reaffirms by use of this. i can clearly express who i am, my dreams, my fears, my silly thoughts, and somehow other people (and myself) can understand me.
but it is weird that only the women who are going are reaching out to people. sure, the email exchanges have only taken place over a day or so, but 0 out of 6 emails are from men. and unlike vassar, the male/female ratio approaches 50/50 with the group. perhaps i am reading too much into this...or perhaps all the men that are going are anti-social...i guess i will find out. oooh..time for lunch (did i just sound like homer simpson?)
posted by erica face at 11:54 AM

bureaucracy, bad luck, and the great adventure...

so today my father and i decided to take care of a simple task. all i needed today was a certified copy of my birth certificate so that i can get an apostille on wed in albany. i have my original certificate, ID, etc, which should make the whole thing go swimingly. so dad and i haul our bums to the OC Gov't center, expecting about an hour in bureaucracy land. HA HA HA...so, at OC they tell us that they cannot certify the document, b/c i was born in westchester county, and they have NO idea if this is a real birth certificate...Ok, that's a bunch of BS...can't be sure? in the day and age of computers and telephones, they can't just call and check? well, ok whatever, we will spot them that..so the lady in OC tells us we have to go to the westchester county seat and have their county clerk sign the document.
so...we drive the hour and half to white plains and begin our quest in the land of westchester bureaucracy. we park the car, we walk out of the garage and begin walking up and down the street. it is sort of cloudy, but we left the umbrella in the car, since hey, how long could this take? we go to the county building and find out where the passport office is, since in OC, that is where we had to go. (side note...the toilets in the building had this special extra tank that sprayed fruity smelling liquid into the toilet so you wouldn't have to smell your pee) we go up to the passport office, and they tell us we have to go down the hall. so we go down the hall and the guy there says he can't sign it b/c my birth certificate is no longer valid..HOW CAN MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE NO LONGER BE VALID?!?!?! it's not like a license...i don't have to take a life test and pass in order to get it..but since the woman that signed it 81 is probably dead now, we have to go to port chester to get it signed. so we leave the building, and the rain is pouring down. my dad looks at it and says "it will probably stop soon and we can make a run for it", and it procedes to rain twice as hard! so we run to the car, and begin the drive to the town of my birth (at this point, i feel like the virgin mary, trekking to bethlehem to be counted in the census). we get there, and for the first time, we are at the right place at the right time. i get a new certificate (which has the same info as the orginal, just a different signiture), and thought just for the hell of it, i should pick up a death certificate, just so i don't have to make the trek again...so we head back to white plains, back into the rain...and keep in mind, everytime i walk into the rain, my flip flops splash up the water on the road, soaking my ass, making it look like i pissed myself...so we walk back into the building, back to the second office we went to, and wait on line. the guy at the counter takes my new cert. disappears for a few minutes, and comes back with a note stapled to it, that says "yes, this is a birth certificate, and yes someone signed it". from the look of the writing on the note, it would seem that the delay was the county clerk smoking crack...but i digress....so that was the end of my adventure...
and i learned something today. socialism doesn't make people lazy, as some people would claim. it makes you dead tired...i waited on so many lines for such stupid shit...at one point my dad said that if we lived in an anarchistic society, we could have just barged up to the counters and gotten the note ourselves. i reminded him that if we lived in an anarchistic society, we wouldn't have to deal with nation states and i woulnd't need a stupid stamp to let me pass across borders...and i get to repeat this adventure on wed. in albany...and then when i get to holland, i get to do this all over again, this time without speaking the language! i consider today a dry run for JYA...tons of bureaucracy and rain...all i needed was french fries and mayonaise, and less hills....
and of course, i forgot to send in my registration for classes....sigh
and i am back in OC...sigh
and i need a new camera...sigh
which would be better for me, digital or regular? if you have any advice, please pass it on...sigh
...and i already miss brendan...sigh sigh sigh....
posted by erica face at 8:59 PM

all you can watch movie buffet

yesterday, brendan, lucia and i suckled off the breasts of the south hills mall for a stupidly cheap amount of money. we arrived at approx. 3ish and paid the $2.25 to see momento (which, by the way, is an excellent film...go see it). after momento, we walked aroung the mall, brendan (gasp) got a haircut (goodbye luke skywalker) blah blah blah. we then returned to the cines 8, walked in without paying, and proceeded to watch scary movie II for free (i am glad we didn't pay...i have a soft spot for sight gag films, so i enjoyed it, although i did not appreciate the homophobia and racism that permeated the film...sigh). following scary movie, we hung in the lobby for a few minutes and then sat in the theater and waited for moulin rouge to start (pretty good...visually dazzling, chock full of pop culture references, a little lacking in the plot area...) so i would have to say i got my $2.25 worth that day...it was cheaper than renting the movies at blockbuster. the key was to look like you knew what you were doing, and to look like you had a ticket. it also helped that there were 3 different shifts of staff working, so noone really knew who had purchased a ticket earlier that day (or in our case, who hadn't purchased a ticket at all.) in a funny side note, the guy that cut brendan's hair slipped him his card, and told him that he thought lucia was "mad fine" and that she should give him a call...hee hee.

check it out!

oooh click here for new poems. i know you have been waiting for this. they are fabulous pieces of writing by two of my favorite people...

and don't you worry

i am going to attempt to keep this blog going while i am away, as a sort of travel diary. of course, that may not pan out (do i really want to spend JYA typing in a computer lab?), but i want to attempt to keep some sort of journal type thing to look back on....
posted by erica face at 11:49 PM

gasp from the inferno known as vassar

ok, so i already typed for some time, and had my hard work erased by the monopolistic bastards known as microsoft. but i will try to recreate the experience...
i don't know about you, but i detect an inverse relationship between the weather and my updating of this blog and site. as the temperature increases, my drive to update plummets. now, i am sure you are thinking, "erica, how could you not want to sit in the AC all day and update your website?" well, therein lies the problem.. no AC anywhere. not at work, not at home. brendan only has one tiny fan that works, and i only have a small fan. in desperation, we have been going out every night, to find free AC. the mall on tuesday, the acrop on wed., and friendly's and the south hills mall last night. i cannot deal with extremes in weather. for shits and giggles, i went to the weather channel's site and checked the weather in amsterdam. at last glance, the temperature in amsterdam was a scorching 58 degrees...

speaking of holland

as the big day looms near, the amount of nervousness i feel has been increasing exponetially. i will be sitting at work, and all of a sudden my subconscious bombards my conscious thoughts with the following fears: being a new country, not speaking the language; having NO friends in the new country; having to make nice with 25 strangers from all over the country; not liking any of the 25 strangers; living in a rat infested room; so how not getting a room; doing too much work; not doing enough work; getting shut out of conversations with dutch people when they stop speaking english; getting mugged; getting detained when i try to return; having something bad happen to people i care about at the IMF/WB protests in Sept; brendan developing a whole new life without me that i can't slip back into...the list goes on and on. i know i should be nothing but excited, and I am, don't get me wrong. but the little jitters are jumping up and biting me with a much greater feroicity than ever before. it is like going away to college all over again. will i be funny in holland? will what makes me laugh and what i usually do to make people laugh translate? or will i have to wear either a grim look or a confused look for three and a half months? god...i just have to sit back and let my experience go where it wants...ok, i am going to try that...
posted by erica face at 1:01 PM

too fucking hot

that's really all i can stand to type write now...kill me.
posted by erica face at 12:59 PM

another weekend behind me

first things first...i love food, but food has not been loving me lately. everything i eat makes me sick. for example, right now i feel like shit. i am faced with two lovely options:one, eat the food i like and be sick as a dog, or two, follow my diet (which consists of practically just plain salad), take my medicine, and be misrable, hungry and sick. some choice, eh?
on a food related note, brendan and i went food shopping on thursday, after gorging ourselves on food from a a bad place (i will not tell you the bad place). now, i remember my mom always said "don't go shopping on an empty stomach, b/c you will buy too much food." well, when you go on a stupidly full stomach, you will NOT buy enough...take it from me...
posted by erica face at 10:24 AM

life flies by at speeds my mind will never comprehend

holy steaming shit on a summer's day, batman! i had a busy weekend...you know, it's funny, i haven't been writing here lately, and i have been sort of in a weird move. i guess this blog is more cathartic than i thought (unrelated side note: it occured to me last week at work that if you had a lisp, cathartic would be a hard word to say.)
on friday i went to a show at the chance. shai hulud, kill your idols, and more...i had a fabulous time. brendan, rachel, and i walked downtown on the arterial, having a fabulous time. when we got there, i said hello to geert and the rest of the band (sans jerkface, although i guess he isn't really in the band anymore...). matt fox reminded me that we both have computers and that we should email...i told him about my weird phobia of initiating contact with people without the appropriate ground work. but we both concluded that the ground work was laid, and communication, via the 21st century should begin. geert told me i was on the guestlist, which i really appreciated. i have been more than a little stressed about money, so free shit makes my night. at the ticket window, they tell me that shai hulud didn't hand in a guest list, so i had to pay. i wasn't pissed because the gesture meant a lot to me. the cool thing was that later geert walked by me and slipped me a ten dollar bill, which was an even cooler. little stuff like that really makes my night
at the show i saw scott. we said hi, and promised each other that we would catch up later at the show. this actually happened (during the entire kill your idols set, as i would later find out). it was really productive. i think i am ready to be scott's friend again. he is really happy for the first time in a long time. i never harbored any real resentment against him, and one of the main reasons why i broke up with him is because i felt that i was just a crutch that was preventing him from seeking happiness on his own. so now that he is happy, has friends again, and it excited about life, i am excited to be a part of his life again. i told him about brendan, which i think went ok...at first i didn't make myself clear and i think he thought i was saying i had created on him with brendan...which was definitly NOT the case...
after that, i went back to music...shai hulud put on a great show. geert was literaly jumping off the walls. it was really energetic. i also really like their style of hardcore. alas, i also had to look at jerkface's stupid visage for a half an hour. goddamned asshole tried to sneak like ten of his friends onto the stage. COOL! no, actually, not really. i got to see his new girlfriend...the catty report is as follows: i am prettier and smarter. yeah, i know this page should be about breaking down the bridges between women caused by men. i will admit my comments are catty. however, i guess i should assert that my comments aren't about the girl, but what she represents. i may have been jerked around, but in the end, i got the better end of the deal.
after the show, i was threatend with death by someone i hadn't emailed in a long time. i actually have a real fear of being strangled to death, as i was once strangled to the brink of unconsciousness as a child on the playground, and was really unsettled. i promptly fired off an email the next day, but i was still sort of disturbed.
on sunday, rachel and i went to the city. we had a number of false starts. at first, we were going to take a taxi, but rachel called me about an hour before saying she found us a ride. well, the first time we were supposed to leave with this ride, he wasn't done eating breakfast. then we decided we were going to take the 1242 train. at 1220, this guy remembers he has to pick up someone's mail; it takes at least 15 minutes to get to the train station. when we leave vassar at 1235, the guy procedes to drive like a maniac, running red lights, swerving. we get to the train station at 1250, obviously missing our train. so we caught the 133 (oh yeah, we had the wrong schedule). rachel and i made it to the city and expertly manuvered through the nyc subway system, until we found ourselves on the pavement searching for toys in babe land. once there, we entered the shelter of lesbian run sex toy land. in my imagination, i dreamed the place was a block long wearhouse of sex toys, with shelving going up for stories. in reality, the place is one small room, but still damned cool. i had fun comparing the vibrators. the plug in the socket ones are just plain scary (electric surge!?!?) but some of the others were cool. the creme de la creme was, as maggie (the girl i work with) calls it, "the pearly bunny". it has a phallus looking part that rotates in circles and is filled with pearl looking things. it also has a vibrating bunny sticking out of it. i practically got off just holding it in my hand. my purchase (which you can file under TMI) was a zebra print wand looking thing. $15 didn't seem too steep. it was a bit better than the hawaiian print, and i like that fact that i am doing my part to break down specism in my own bedroom. i have yet to use it, as i didn't have C batteries, and brendan hasn't met it yet. i plan the formal introduction tomorrow evening "brendan, vibrator. vibrator, brendan" i hope they get along.
after feminist sex toys, rachel and i did our part to reconstruct the partricarchy...actually, what we did was go makeup shopping. we went to MAC and sephora. it was nice to have a "girly" day, doing things that i couldn't do with brendan or even some of my friends in the SAU circle...i mean i could be wrong, but sometimes i feel that the silly things i like (fashion magazines...which do suck...) are taboo, and that i would be ostrasized for not towing the orthodox line...but anyways, rachel and i had a fabulous time. we ate in chinatown, for almost nothing....i had a really great time with her. one def. cool thing about this summer was meeting rachel and being friends. she is going to help start lifting free weights tomorrow...
oh, on an "erica is blonde note", as i was leaving the gym today, i decided to weigh myself. i got on the scale, and my eyes widened as it said "148 lbs"...148 lbs.?!?!?!?! i had only missed 3 days at the gym.. how could i weight 8 lbs more than i did on thursday? then i realized i was standing on the scale with my backpack on...yeah, i'm blonde...
holy shit, i typed a book...well, i guess i will go....i still have more to write about, but perhaps i will do that at work...
posted by erica face at 9:09 PM

baby, i am sorry to neglect you

i have tons of things i want to talk about here, but right now a lethal combination of lethargy and poor location (i.e. work) prevent me. in my excitement to make the catalyst website, i have really let things slide over here. i have given up on a completely new design, but i will tighten some things up. i plan on a more complete posting later this evening...
posted by erica face at 10:32 AM

too personal...my boyfriend dances like a white virgin

on sunday brendan, lucia, vicky and i went to a salsa festival on the hudson. no, not the food salsa (silly) but the dance "salsa". now, those that have seen brendan dance are probably grinning right now. to say brendan has an...unique style...would be a nice thing to do (which i will, because i am his girlfriend.) so anyways, at the festival, not many people were dancing. at one point, it was pretty much just the four of us dancing. now, the people around the dance area had been pointing at brendan, motioning for friends and relatives to watch the spectacle for some time. finally, a woman (about 40ish) and her 3 year old son come out onto the area. she grabs brendan and says "i like the spins you are doing, but you shouldn't look so spastic". she then proceeds to give brendan a dance lesson. what brendan learned: salsa is just a marching step. also, the rhythm is in the hips, like you are having sex. if you are a virgin, you woulnd't understand that. or so said the lady.
onto the personal note...lately a bunch of people that i know have been asking if it is weird being so personal on here. i guess i haven't thought about it in awhile. i like writing personal stuff up here, b/c it keeps me from bottling it up. if i don't say it here, i don't know where i will say it. and just so everyone knows, brendan knows what i say about him on here. sometimes he finds out about things from reading this, and sometimes he already knows. i just wanted to make it clear that brendan is not oblivious to the fact i air dirty laundry on this blog.
posted by erica face at 10:21 AM

oh, who's badass?

my bosses are at a meeting in the main library, so i am upstairs, supposedly doing a data base project for them. being the total badass that i am, i am dividing my time between entering data and updating this. it is sad (or not, i haven't decided) how much a strong work ethic has been ingrained into me. this is definately positive when i am doing things that i feel are important (feminist related things [conferences, writing], SAU stuff, teaching) but also not that positive when i am doing boring work. i refuse to slow down or take advantage of situations. things like the harbinger would say that i am a mindless drone, not following my desires, not challenging the system. however, i find it really hard not to do something all the way. if i am given a task, i feel that i have to complete it, the faster the better, or else i am failing myself. as i get older, i realize that this should not be the case, but this is one part of my youth programming that i find hard to de-program.
posted by erica face at 11:12 AM

old and grey

for the past week or so, i have been looking at a bunch of websites, trying to get ideas for a new layout. i learned 2 things 1) i know diddly squat about designing web sites (which should have been obvious before) and 2) the coolest websites seem to be designed by 14-16 year old brats. no really, they have the most unique layouts and utilize the coolest things. of course, i should provide you with a link to them, so you can see what i am talking about, but i don't want to display how inadequate i really am.
i am trying to finish the new layout up. i need to copy the old pages, and perhaps take out the unfinished parts of the music section. this time, i am trying to actually learn how to code the design myself. we will see how that turns out. i am also thinking of redesinging the SAU site and making a catalyst site. there's noting like doing things without the input of others in the group, is there? those designs will just be suggestions, probably.
posted by erica face at 11:04 AM

look out world, it's design number 5

in case you thought i made up my mind, here is new and improved design 5. i think that is is the winner, although it doesn't work in netscape...fuck netscape...and fuck microsoft too...but at least with microsoft i can make a cool looking page. anyways, i am still not recieving submissions from my friends for this site. and you think i will continue to call you my friends? the wonderful ava is working on something, but there are more of you that need to get your asses in gear!!
i need to get some sort of links page going, because i am finding a lot of cool sites lately that i want people to go to...sigh...sometime.
posted by erica face at 10:29 PM

new design idea number 2?

this is still kinda rough, (i.e. not really done) but the basic idea is there. right click posted by erica face at 11:23 AM

weird dreams in erica's little head

i had an extremely strange dream this morning, as a lay in a state between dead sleep and full consciousness. in the dream i had been at some protest in d.c. i was part of a group similar to the w.o.m.b.l.e.s or ya basta. i was charging the police line, and they started beating my head in with a baton. so i grabbed a garbage can lid (out of nowhere) and tried to defend myself. the police ripped that away and pinned me down. a police officer then proceded to beat me within an inch of my life. (now, i am sure some of you are thinking "erica, that isn't out of the realm of possibilities, and thus, not that weird." however, i haven't gotten to the weirdest part yet...hold on!)
so after i get out of the hospital, i recieve all of these invitations to go onto talk shows on network tv. at one point, i am being interviewed by msnbc, along with someone from the republican party. i attempt to defend anarchism, all the while getting cut off by the republican. the scene at this point is almost exactly like the scene in south park: bigger, longer, uncut where kyle's mom is being interviewed with the canadian embassador. at one point, i say something like "yeah, i had been meaning to send the republican party a thank you note. that death penalty thing really seems to be working. thanks for helping me sleep better at night." then i start parroting lines from the autobiograpy of malcolm x, trying to point out the links between capitalism and racism.
this is where the weird part begins. i am on the today show getting interviewed by matt lauer and katie couric. i am being interviewed with some government type. standing with the crew off camera is a secret service looking guy (black sunglasses, black suit, ear piece). i am answering one of matt's questions when he gets this weird look on his face. i hear a gunshot and move my head. the bullet strikes matt lauer and he falls back off of his chair. the secret service guy tries to run away, but the crew catches him (maybe). i pull the cushion off of the chair i am sitting on, and cover my head with it. i crawl over to matt lauer and start to administer first aid. i tell katie couric to shut up and cut of his suit. i tell him it will be ok. i apologize for getting him shot. he tells me to tell his wife and kids that he loves them. then i jump up and start shouting "first aid! first aid!" despite the fact that i had already dreamed that the crew had tackled the secret service man, it became apparent that he had shot a member of the crew. so i run over the crewman and start doing "first aid". i ramble about how i can't just save the rich star, but that i also have to save the lowly crewman. then i became a national hero for saving matt lauer....does anyone want to interpret this dream?
so many words, so little time
i have been finding a lot of cool websites lately. i suppose i should get my ass in gear with a new design, and perhaps make a cool links page. i am goddamned lazy. i also need to find a new book to read. i am sure i could just walk into the library and pluck something off of the shelf, but i want to read something good. email me with suggestions please
buff as i wanna be
i have only been to the gym three times, but i already have a defined bicep again. i am going to be a street warrior by the end of this summer. oh, on a depressing note, i snuck into acdc last night with rachel and brendan. no, eating acdc food was not supposed to be the depressing thing (although i can see how you would think that). we were there at the same time as the ballet camp. i think it may have been the biggest collection of people with eating disorders in the acdc since the school year. all of the girls had only lettuce on their plates (if anything at all). when they would walk by rachel and i, they would look at our food with a look of longing. it was really one of the most pitiful things i have ever seen. and the worst part is they eat with their parents and instructors, and they let this happen. merry, one of the ladies i work with, says that she has a friend who cleans the dorm they stay in. according to her, the cleaning ladies refer to them as the "barfing ballerinas" because all the cleaning ladies clean is vomit out of the toilets. [sigh] yeah, depressing stuff. brendan, rachel, and i figure that acdc uses them to determine how they can best encourage eating disorders throughout the year. my guess was that starting next semester, acdc will no longer put the names of dishes in bold at the top of the menus. (ex: chicken fried steak....ingrediants...blah blah) instead they are just going to call meals "5 grams of fat" and put that in bold letters...not too far out of reach, i say.
p.s.
there is a new article by the ever wonderful tiane jennings. it is the one that appeared in catalyst 5 (which, by the way, i still have copies of if you want one), but you should read it again..
posted by erica face at 10:04 AM

don't you hate it when you watch a movie based on a book...

and you realize that, if you want to be precise in using the word "based", you should not use it to describe the relationship between a movie and a book it barely resembles. last night, brendan and i rented "X", since i just finished (and brendan will soon finish) the autobiography of Malcom X. so, ok, it was a pretty good movie... but i HATE it when movies make 3 people into one person and leave out important details. i won't tell you what bothered me...because i think you should read the book and watch the movie yourself
in related news, i am going to have a delicious dessert tomorrow. i bet brendan that i could stay awake through both video tapes of X and i did...woo hoo!
rachel encouraged me to workout myself back to "buff" erica. so i went to the gym yesterday. of course, i threw out my back again this weekend, so i didn't go today, but let me tell you, i am practically a mass of bulging muscles already.
well, i am going to lay down. i am going to an open mic at the cubbyhole tonight (remind me to write about the last open mic) and probably to a party at sari's house...sigh, busy night....
posted by erica face at 5:46 PM

gratuitous link to an article i wrote...and so much more!

sure, i have this article posted on my site, but why not look at the article on another site? i know how cheesy it is, but whatever. if you know me from "the good old days", and you notice that the site is run by someone named kelly, you may shrink your face into a look of confusion...b/c it is a long (and not always pleasant) story i will not go into it for the newer people in my life...but back to what i was saying, there was a happy, sort of feminist ending ( i feel) and things are ok between us...who'da thunk?
but um yeah...back to oc this weekend. my brother's graduation party. family, food, and so much more...
i wish i had money. my cousin kelli (different kelli from the one above) emailed me and my other cousins and wanted us to go visit our grandparents...but i know i can' afford to do that...sigh....
posted by erica face at 10:29 PM

possible re-decorating?

i have been thinking about redesigning this site, after a mere few weeks of actually having real content, purpose, etc. the tentative (read very tentative) new design can be found here. let me know what you think by dropping me an email. i am thinking about moving away from frames and towards tables b/c then the page would probably load faster for those not in the prtective bubble with high speed internet know as vassar.
i should write about my weekend, but i have to get back to work...so later then, ok?
posted by erica face at 3:28 PM

an enema would be more exciting right now

at home. orange county. years of boredom rush into my skull as soon as i cross the newburgh-beacon bridge. all thought, all humor, all will to live sucked out...
it's my brother's high school graduation, and i came home for it. however, it has been raining off and on, and if the graduation is moved inside, i will not be attending. i am so BORED. jarrod was supposed to hang out with me last night, but that never happened...sigh. back to po-town tomorrow...
posted by erica face at 12:51 PM

bureaucracy is a pain in the back...literally

so sometime late last week at work, i did something horrible to my back. i am walking like an old woman carrying a grand piano on her back. the people i work with have been nothing but helpful, but the college bureaucracy is going out of its way to make sure they don't get blamed for everything.
so this means that i have renewed my quest to become addicted to prescription painkillers. 4 codeine last night, and i am sure to have another handful before today ends. and i am running out of food. on a scale from one to ten, this day gets a three...and i had such a good weekend...which i guess i will write about later.
posted by erica face at 3:31 PM

updated out

yeah...i added some new music reviews, re-did the menus, added some stuff about me, and a lot more. there is a whole bunch i wanna write, but really, i don't feel like it right now. later perhaps?
posted by erica face at 6:13 PM

brand spankin' new article

Under articles, i have posted something new that i have written. it is titled "Building a Hardcore Community that is not so Fucking Sexist and Anti-Gay". Check it out, yo.
posted by erica face at 1:05 PM

julie was here

and that's that.
posted by erica face at 1:03 PM

hyperventilating is my new way of breathing

so i think that from now on i am just going to worry about every little detail of my life. whenever i panic or really worry about something, everything works out ok, and all the plan b's i made are useless...for example: everything worked ok for brendan. he will now be getting more money from his internship and getting paid during the summer...so my last two posts were hysterical antics enacted for no good reason. i gotta calm the fuck down...
posted by erica face at 1:45 PM

my dreamlife haunts me every waking hour

i think my biggest fear right now is that he will go back to NC for the rest of the summer. i had a dream last night that he went home, and while he was there he had sex with his first love. in the dream, he told me i had to understand and respect that b/c that relationship was special. i think this fed into my paranoia earlier. i can't keep track of where my dreams end and reality starts. every negative drama that unfolds at night gets tied inextribly into my waking emotions. i want to cry right now, but for no tangible reason. i had a bad dream, so what, why cry about it? but i want to cry so bad. i just want to disappear into nothing and forget about everyone.
posted by erica face at 8:02 PM

i can't live like this: everyday is the same as the one before

i think what i am most scared of is this turning out like everything else. i don't want to be someone's safety device. brendan got fired from his part time job yesterday. in the past, i have acted like the floatation device: i was enthusiastic, i was the person's motivation, and i tried to make everything ok. i am afraid that if i do that this time, brendan will just see me as the safety, and when i am not here to do that, he won't feel like keeping the relationship going.
posted by erica face at 7:58 PM

you know what is an incredibly bad fucking idea?

even if your boyfriend says it is ok to go through his old emails, it really is not. a few months ago brendan said i could read through his emails anytime i wanted. so a few minutes ago i did just that. bad fucking idea
i just can't deal with it. i just can't. every email from every other girl he has been involved with just carved tiny little paper cut slits into my heart. every i love you to someone else was less love i felt. i know this is stupid. i know this is selfish. i know this is self centered. but i just feel like that when i am gone, he won't care. i can't shake the feeling that "old brendan" will reappear. why wait for a girl in europe when you can fuck any girl you want at vassar? what use is "doing the right thing" when in the past the right thing has been to hook up with whoever you want?

posted by erica face at 7:51 PM

it bled for years

if i ever started an all girl band, i would call it "it bled for years". think about the conotations. women in control of their menstruation, bleeding for years. there wouldn't be enough dioxin soaked rayon to dam this river of feminist fury. women wouldn't be trying to stop the blood, but rather draw power from the blood. and it doesn't have to be just physical bleeding. women would be shedding any excess that was not contributing to new life or ideas. the t-shirts would have bloody tampons and say in metal letters it bled for years
posted by erica face at 8:17 PM

Decisions, Part 2

i think i will keep the blog up. i guess it may evolve more into a constantly updated editor's page. i think i will post personal issues as they are relevent. however, i have started to keep a paper journal, so i think my more mundane complaints and issues will be poured into that. so the blog will be quick notes by the editor (me) that are not long enough for articles or are relevant to something or other...words just escaped me. sorry to lose it at the end. OK...so yeah, this is an editor's column in flux.
posted by erica face at 3:16 PM

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Ok, so while i was working a few minutes ago, i came to some decisions (ooh, hence the headline). on the political and music page, i said i would take submissions. well, what i have decided is that i will take submissions from women regarding their views on politics or articles by men concerning feminism or other issues that effect women. i realized that if i let men just rant and rave about whatever they wanted, they would, and often; thus this page would be defined by men, which is in direct opposition to the mission of the e-zine. final decision: men can submit articles about feminism or other issues that effect women. if they submit other stuff, it will be published at my whim. they can also submit music reviews. however, the bulk of the e-zine will be dedicated to writing by me or other women.
posted by erica face at 3:12 PM

Pop Tarts in the Morning, Pop Tarts in the evening, Pop Tarts at Supper time

I have decided that I will only eat Pop Tarts until i get paid. i can't believe i just made that sound like a choice. i CHOSE to eat pop tarts at every meal for the next week...it doesn't sound all that truthful, and i wrote it. i have no money and little food. tonight, dinner is cold cuts and mashed potatoes....mmm, mashed potatoes.
last night brendan and i watched IRON CHEF 21st Century on the Food Network. Goddamn Bobby Flay won. i really don't like him. he is cocky and he makes boring food. i am convinced that the whole thing was fixed.
on saturday, i had one of the best days of the summer. i wrote a song (which is not very good, but i have never written a song), visited Lucia, and didn't fight with brendan once! the last one is really accomplishment. when we fight, they are never huge fights, but i get upset on average, about 3 times a day. but on saturday i managed to keep myself in check, and not blow up. it was very exciting for me, and extremely satisfying.
now that i am making this an ezine, i wondered if i should hide the blog. i could maybe start a new, more impersonal one. i havent decided yet. i am not quite comfortable with strangers, or even aquaintances reading so much about me. i suppose it would make this slightly more interesting, but i dont know if i want my life to be the entertainment. i need some feedback on this...let me know what you think.
posted by erica face at 1:05 PM

this is now a zine

yeah, so i decided to make this page into an e-zine. i mean, i have political articles, music reviews, and ranting from me. so i guess that is what it is going to be. i have to fix some stuff so that when people search for ezines, they find this one. i will also write my own articles, in addition to the blog...woo hoo i am hella excited...ok, gonna eat breakfast and start my day...
posted by erica face at 11:42 AM

some summer reading

woo! massive updates! there are now a bunch more articles under >>political articles . i have also reorganized the cd section. i still need to do reviews, but please go look at it and marvel. i plan on doing a lot this summer, so look out world
oh addie, i found out yesterday that one of the ladies i work with was an art history major at new paltz. she said it was a good thing.
i eat a lot of tuna. i had it for lunch, dinner on thurs and lunch, dinner on friday. i dont have any money until next friday, so i have been eating interesting things and calling them meals. i dont think i will be eating tuna for awhile. perhaps a pb and j diet is in store.
posted by erica face at 4:33 PM

in memorium...a weekend

ok, so as the long memorial day weekend comes to an end, i will update my goings on and the such....
um, friday....went to work, fell asleep early...um, yeah
saturday...went to planet wings with kate, brendan, and kate's twin sister that looks nothing like her. i had the honey barbeque, if anyone cares, and some mashed potatoes...damn good shit...i also ate the rest of kate's sister's honey mustard...i ate a lot...then brendan and i rented some movies. we saw titus. it is based on shakespear's titus andronicus, a very violent play. the movie is extremely interesting. it has a style that mixes modern and ancient, which creates an interesting atmosphere. a lot of care was taken in choosing things like colors and buildings. it is more than a bit disturbing, but i highly recommend it. we also saw chasing amy , which is one of my favorite movies. seeing that i need to just get over brendan's past, it was a timely movie for me. brendan watched requiem for a dream last night, and was disturbed by it...i didnt see it however
sunday...micah came up from croton and i hung out with him for the first time in 2 years. we just shot the shit in my room for awhile and then went and ate dinner at bacchus, in new paltz. brendan really liked him, which is cool, b/c micah is an important person to me. then, and i sure this will be a surprise, i fell asleep early
today...lucia stayed the night in my room, and when she woke up, we all made french toast and eggs in the jewett kitchen. it was the rfirst time i had ever made french toast, but i think it came out good. brendan almost taught me to pay the guitar. i can play tom petty's free falling...over and over and over...oh, look out world. then, for dinner, brendan made sandwhiches, and i made curry couscous. we had a picnic on the roof outside of my window. i didnt want to at first, b/c the roof is covered with broken beer bottles, but brendan convinced my wimpy ass that it was a good idea...so...back to work for me tomorrow, nice and early....
oh yeah, the girl i work with reminds me of scary mike my ex-boyfriend...ACK...she is nice, but a really big dork, and talks EXACTLY like him...sometimes it really gets on my nerves and i want to throw books at her (which i dont, b/c that would not be called for)..so yeah..ok, guess who is going to sleep early again...oh yeah, its me....g'night.
posted by erica face at 10:40 PM

hey erica! so yippie school is over! but you still get to live there, lucky you... i dont like talking about etc, but i got a call the other day from some boy at vassar. hehe, i asked if he knew you, but alas he did not. oh well, his loss. ha! i might be getting a few jobs making webpages, so die etc. anyway all is well, except for that bruise in the shape of the corner of my front door. yes i was running in the house to tell eric that the ice cream lady did not have snickers, and to pick something else, when i opened the front screen door and ran into it. my head went boing... boing boing. i started to cry and laugh at myself all at once. i put ice on it for two hours and still had a bump.
posted by funky mama at 8:44 AM

a new home, a new outlook?

woo hoo...my room is all set up. it's nice to have one place to live again. oh, and i have a real window, which is great. however, in a continuation of my tortured relationship with windows at vassar, my window faces a brick wall. now one good thing is that i can get dressed without closing the blinds. of course, i look out at a BRICKWALL, which is a negative. also, people dump beer and bong water out of their windows above mine, and the water bounces off the roof and extrememly close to my window, and thus my computer. if my computer starts smoking pot, i will know why.
the room is nice. i dont know what is going to happen when danielle gets here, but i guess i will take it one day at a time...ok, so i am naked right now, and i want to go get dressed. graduation is today, and i am going to go see some friends graduate.
posted by erica face at 9:20 AM

i can't stand the rain

blah blah blah...at work...boring day...i moved all of my clothes to jewitt last night, in the drizzle, in the dark...so i had my clothes in jewitt 426, my computer in main 468 and i slept in brendan's room....tonight i am going to try to move everything else and finally just live in jewitt...i have so much shite though...BLAH..... so, um, yeah...perhpas when i set up my computer, i will update more
posted by erica face at 3:38 PM

H20...i go to their show...or not

went to a show last night...h20..is was hella fun. i went with brendan and jackie. we didnt have a ride back to vassar so we walked. the chance is like 5 miles away from vassar, so i am really impressed with myself. didn't even break into a sweat or nuthin..when i got to work this morning, merry, one of the ladies that works in the library asked "Were you walking along the arterial last night with two people?" which is funny b/c as we were walking, brendan wondered what people were saying about three people walking on the arterial at 11o clock at night...well, brendan is naked, so i am going to go now...
posted by erica face at 7:52 PM

alone. utterly alone.

i am in a room of people right now and i feel alone. [why don't you think i would care about your political zines. why can't you share that with me? do you think i am just a sell out, waiting for the ink to dry on my diploma? i'm sorry i am not cool enough. i am sorry i am not "free spirited enough". i just want to be alone.]
posted by erica face at 10:32 PM

what's my muthafuckin' name?

oh,what's my name? oh my name is DONE..D-O-N-E! i handed in my last paper on monday morning...look out summer of boring work, here i come...
i learned a new dutch word yesterday: pijpen (pie-pen) which means blowjob...go and try to use the word in a sentance three times today. i learned the word in my newest book about amsterdam.. Get Lost! The Cool Guide to Amsterdam by Joe Pauker. It really lives up to its name. It lists things like squats that run vegan and vegetarian cafes, all of the best pot cafes (of course), cool museums and good and inexpensive places to eat. There are now a number of places that I know I have to go while I am there. There is a Sex Museum with 7ft penis chairs, and a torture museum and a feminist tattoo parlor (the only in Europe). Oh god, I am soooooo excited to go. I hope that my summer won't seem to long. I will be with Brendan which will be nice. Goddammit I am going to miss him...
so yeah, I need to not be so sensitive. And more trusting. Why can't I just accept how brendan feels about me, and not have to doubt him? I don't know....bleh....
posted by erica face at 1:43 PM

no my first name ain't susannah, it's erica! ms. weiner if your nastay!

woo! one final down, two to go! gotta stay focused.....end of the year..ARGH!!! so yeah, last week i got a paper back from a professor...and she referred to my by the wrong name TWICE! she wrote comments to SUSANNAH...which in case you didnt know, is not me....and i recieved a very poor grade..which sucks...for the past week i have been doubting my ability to be a history major and my ability to write papers. for a while i was considering being an intro class major, as in i would only take intro classes...but i got a paper back to today and i got an A not an A-, but an out and out A...so i feel a little better...damn it, i guess i will do work....later
posted by erica face at 6:18 PM

stressed and bitching

stress is eating away at me...i dont have much work now, but next week i have lots of important things due....and brendan is doing a play and trying to do a whole shit load of work...i guess i have come to emotionally need him very much. i feel lost without him this week. i am not dealing well with sleeping alone every night. i dont know how i will fare in amsterdam.
i am living in po-town this summer. i am working at the music library, full time. i will live in jewitt, which will be sweltering hot in july. i am homeless from august 1st to 17th...maybe i can live in a box.
ok, the reason i am just rambling is that i just got into it with a friend. for a long time i have felt like my friend metthea only hangs out with me when her "cool" friends arent around. this year metthea has been caught up in trying to hang out only with people in bands. i really dont get it. there is some sort of importance in her mind for people in bands. whatever...just when they start to suck, she then finds time for me. and she is taking next year (and possibly forever ) off from school. i would have liked to have spent time with her, but she doesnt seem to care...
OK, so she just came by and we made up....i did feel the way i just described, but i am not mad anymore....i think i understand her position better...i think i just needed to vent...better now....
yeah...so there is a lot updated..see POLITCAL ARTICLES and MUSIC........click above...and i am going to update the links section right now...
posted by erica face at 2:41 PM

happy 21th

happy birthday addie. i hope your day rocks. just remember etc and alcohol can be a dangerous combination....
posted by erica face at 8:20 AM

wack off to this. [my head is a roller coaster] go away and never come back

i should be writing a paper, but i am taking a break. i had one of those weekends that was a total rollercoaster.
good stuff: got to sit in the sun for awhile at the qcvc (queer coalition of vassar college) safe sex carnival. listened to bluegrass and watched a little girl be cute. ate chinese food, hung out with liz and julie and had a kick ass time.
bad stuff: got into a fight with brendan on sat. night. i was using his computer to check on this page and using netscape. i started to type in geocities and it finished the g off with girlysexx.com. i laughed at brendan, who was right there and clicked on it. i thought maybe his friend rustum had typed it in, or that brendan had typed it as a joke. well, it turns out he typed that web address so he could masturbate to the porn while he took a break from writing a paper last week. so why did this bother me? i know it shouldn't, b/c i support porn in theory and for the most part in practice. however, brendan and i had fight once b/c he told me he sometimes fantasizes about other people when he masturbates. he says it is bc he does not want all of his sexual feelings and identity tied up in one person, but i was very upset by this. the women he was thinking about look nothing like me and i will never look like them. i was esp upset b/c he had had a big crush on one of them and had slept with another. but he had said he would not do that again, and i was really hurt to think that he had disregarded my feelings like that. while we were fighting he said i over react to everything, but he accepts that. i was really pissed when he said that. who the hell is he to say when or when not i over react? why should i gauge the way i feel to fit his notions of acceptable reactions? but anyway, he apologized for that remark, and things are a lot better now...however, i did drink for the first time in like 9 months on saturday night, as way of not thinking about our fight. i didnt get that drunk, but that's probably b/c i fell asleep before i could drink too much...now i am not sure if i will drink again soon or not...i wish i could just decide one way or another and just stick to it. my stomach didnt hurt the next day, which was good.
oh, i am giving up dairy again, if not meat. dairy just fucks with my stomach too much. and i am going to stop shaving (addie, you cna now yell at me to shave). i realized i shaved only b/c my family made fun of me for being hairy when i was younger, not out of anything that was really internally motivated. i am really not that hairy, and i have light hair, so it is really not that big of a deal. also, my last razor blade rusted, so that gives me a good excuse not to shave! ok, back to paper
[for the first time in a long time i thought of you. you were in metthea's paper, and just reading about you, for even the littlest bit, made me want to cry and scream and yell. i still cant think about you or this fall without wanting to make you hurt. you arent worth my thoughts but there you were. fuck you. you wont ever read this, but fuck you. i hope you enjoyed making out with that girl and having banal conversations. you are a worthless piece of shit and i hope i never lay eyes on you again. get out of my head and never come back.]
posted by erica face at 2:33 PM

joey ramone dead at 49
posted by funky mama at 8:55 AM

feminism is stupid

i just had a great weekend. i help to host a conference called feminism is stupid: doing practical feminist politics. i met the nicest, coolest people and had so much fun. i really needed a weekend like that...damn, i dont feel like typing right now...maybe later...
posted by erica face at 5:48 PM

never let a man drive the blog, he won't ask for directions

Hey. I'm Brendan. This is my first blog and I'm just mostly trying out the process. I'm looking forward to a full night with Erica: asian-american hiphop and theater, a birthday party among friends, male and female strippers, and an all-night sXe party with movies and milkshakes. I'm excited. So that's most of my blog I guess. blogging. Whatever that means. It sounds a lot like flogging. Erica, I hope blogging you is a lot nicer than flogging you because that would not be nice at all.
posted by Brendan Wheeler at 5:12 PM

nervously awaiting the rest of my life

an update? new content? well, not really. just a new front picture and some new graphics...sorry to change yours addie, i loved them...the new "content" is just some stuff about me. so if you know me, you probably don't care. but at least it is something.
i sent in my application for amsterdam this week. i will find out sometime within the next few days if i got it or not. i don't know what i will do if i get turned down. i really want to go. and i also find out about a summer research fellowship within the next week. so by next weekend, i will either be really happy or really depressed.
oh, i am not coming home this summer. i will be in po-town. i am trying to ween myself off of home and into real life. first po-town this summer and then europe in the fall (hopefully). i doubt i will live in orange county again...i don't really see it as a loss. whatever.
i haven't been feeling too hot lately. between eating meat and having my stomach hurt and gaining weight back and feeling like crap, i haven't been to sunshiney lately. i am trying to keep my head in order, but we will see how successful that will be...
i am gonna go hand out with danielle and insha now...i will update at some indeterminate time in the future...hee hee.
posted by erica face at 12:04 AM

inadvertant silent treatment

yeah, ok...so i finally got suspicious about the fact that i never had any mail in my bolt account....so i checked it and i had mail from the beginning of february...i appologize to anyone that sent me email at that address. i wasn't ignoring you on purpose. i care about you and want to know about your lives....please find it in your hearts to forgive me. please. no really, please. i have learned my lesson, and i will not depend on the opening menu to tell me if i have new mail...thank you.
posted by erica face at 7:33 AM

spring break:sans boobies, beer, and sand

ok, so i accomplished nothing on spring break. i never do get anything done when i am at home, but for some strange reason, i thought it would be different this time. i have been having lots of fun, and i should have written it all down here...bleh, wasted youth...
i went to the city on monday and had a great time. brendan and i went to moma first...i love modern art, but moma always leaves me wanting more. they had a cool exhibit on design, which brendan hated and i loved. go figure. we ate vegan food for lunch (b/c of my guilt for eating so much meat over the weekend). then we went downtown to soho and walked around. we went to a great bookstore that made me mad that i don't have as much time as i would like. i think that after college i am going to lock myself in a room with all the books i ever wanted to read, and i am not going to come out until i finish.
we also went to urban outfitters and they had this book called 'naked pictures of my ex-girlfriends'. it featured my favorite line..."with so and so, i realized that big tits and big brains do not always come in pairs" ha ha...they had a bag there like my air new zealand bag except it said 'brendan tours' i thought about getting it, but decided it was way too cheesey...i would want to beat myself up.
we saw the vandals on monday night and it was great. they played songs i knew and were extremely entertaining. the girl in front of me was accidentally on fire, but i kicked her until it went out...crisis averted
on sudnay night brendan and i watched when harry met sally. brendan hates romantic comedies but loves this movie...it was great...after the movie, brendan said to me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...and i want to spend the rest of my life wityh him, too... i know i have said this before, but this time, i feel it with every part of my body...he makes me so happy and so comfortable and makes me want to take risks...it's great...ahh....well, i won;t bore you with more gushing....i will write again soon...i hope
posted by erica face at 2:43 PM

i am not on break but thats okay erica for you i will make myself be on break. haha. no really we can hang out and what not i will give you a call tonight, maybe we can go bowling or something. woot. and i took my first ride in a nyc taxi on saturday... not too bad, the guy even knew where the met was. hah.
posted by funky mama at 2:24 PM

yo, yo, yo. i am finally home. jess, rest assured that nothing bad happend to me...well, i did have to ride in a poughkeepsie taxi, which can be suicidal, but other than that, i had a safe trip. i have already been the mall TWICE in the 2 days i have been home. i know i suck... i just can't bring myself to do any work. are any of my non-vassar friends on break yet? let me know...well, i am going to go watch tv now...BECAUSE I CAN!!!! hee, hee....
posted by erica face at 2:16 PM

cheesecake browine... mmmmm.... i am drooling. but yeah so anyway it is snowing yet again. they just closed all of the schools in the area. but you know that they closed them after all the kids were there already. so that must have been fun for them... remember when you used to sit in class and pray to get let out early...
posted by funky mama at 11:05 AM

one midterm down, one to go in about an hour...my brain is already fried and the cheesecake brownie i just ate does not seem to be helping...bleh
posted by erica face at 11:44 AM

too much work...i will be reading 8 german history books tonight, writing an outline and a bibliography, and study for 2 midterms...life sucks...i need a break.
posted by erica face at 3:59 PM

first things first..addie you rock! thank you for fixing this. you are such a great friend, and not just when you do stuff for me. i am really glad that eric is making you happy. i have hoped for a long time that you would find someone. not that i think you need a man to be happy, but you have so much to offer people, and i hope that eric appreciates how great you are. it sounds like he does.
ok, you know what i need to stop doing? updating while i am at work. this computer sucks. i can only see half of what i write and i can't see the button to press when i want to post and publish. if i resize the screen, i lose everything. iMac, you will die.
i think i will go do some reading now. i will be back.
posted by erica face at 6:00 PM

ok! so since the weekend, i haven't been able to post anything...ARGH!!! and now i have so much to write it is going to be overwhelming. first things first...i am no long vegan. yeah, i know...not eating stuff that tastes good for almost 2 years now...damn i missed meat and cheese. the past weekend was a food paradise. it was really reat. i had tried to write the reasons why before, but blogger sucked my ass this weekend. i will explain later.
so i was up until like 130 last night, helping to put the catalyst together. the catalyst is SAU's zine. it is over 150 pages this time. it is practically a book. and it is all pretty good shit. i am really excited. hopefully i will have copies to bring home. and brendan is really happy with thinhs issue. the catalyst is his baby. i think my favorite part of working on it was doing it with him. i was able to share something really important to him.
it is really weird, but i had this sheet of paper with an assignment on it in front of me like ten minutes ago, and it disappeared i haven't moved from my desk sat work, but somehow the paper has magically gone its own way. i think i am going crazy. what sukcs is that i called julie to ask her if i could use he's when i get back. she was rather rude about it. she has really been a big jerk lately..actually all year, with the exception of when i helped her move in. it is really hurting jess's feellings (jezebel, my roommate). i dont know if i should ell her she is being a jerk or just ignore th problem...oh well...
posted by erica face at 7:41 PM

it just occured to me that i have not made it clear that i have updated some stuff recently. i urge you to check out my links page. i will slowly be adding my favorite links. unlike my last link page, this one will actually work, as i have shied away from javascript, which i had no idea how to do. it is another blog, which may seem repetitive, but i feel that perhaps this will allow me to work on that page and update with ease. ok, you know i dont like? i cant see what i am typing right now. if stuff is spelled really wrong, i apologize.
oh, i also added new fields to my guestbook, and i will add more tonight. if you wrote in who you wanted for president, it got changed to who you wanted for supreme dictator of the new taco republic. the taco revolution will be explained shortly. please have a look around and tell me what you think.
posted by erica face at 7:30 PM

woo hoo. i just walked to work in the snow, uphill, and in sandals. i will have a story to tell my kids. i just found out something really exciting for next year. first semester, i will be studying in amsterdam and when i get back i may be living in a TH (town house owned by the school off campus) with my friends meredith and insha. usually only seniors live there, but since my friend liz is graduating after first semester, i may be able to take her place. i am really excited because that means i won't have to eat at the acdc and i can cook delicious vegan food for myself. it may also be cheaper in the long run, which is good, considering that i will not be working for four months while i am in europe. of course, nothing is permanent yet, so i will have to wait and see. gotta go work...
posted by erica face at 5:51 PM

i am in brendan's room and he is nekkid as the day he was born. i am killing time before SAU i dont know why i started this now, but at least it is something sort of new. on friday night, i fell out of a taxi and into a pothole and sprained my ankle. i am finally off crutches and i am working on developing a codeine addiction. i figure that if i become hooked to perscription painkillers, i will become famous, because all famous people at one point or another develop an addiction of perscrpition painkillers. i can star on friends or something. aight, i should probably wrap this up...perhaps i will update this weekend...who knows?
posted by erica face at 8:47 PM

my birthday was on wed. and it was fun... cards and vegan cake made by brendan...yeah it rocked..one of these days i am going to get around to making this page worth looking at...i am sorry if you have stumbled across it by accident...please return in the future.
posted by erica face at 5:36 PM

back at school!!! can you tell someone is a little excited? just cleaned my room, organized for a new year. i guess brendan left a coffee cup with milk in it in my room, b/c when i opened my door this morning, my room smelled like baby puke. but i lit some incense and the situation is under control. it is really quiet here. i dont know when the roommates are coming back, but i rather apprectiate the stillness that will allow me to collect my thoughts.
yeah, last night my mom went to the neighbors. my dad didnt want to go, since they suck. i guess while i slept on the couch, they really had it out. i woke up as my mom was packing a suitcase and saying she was leaving my dad. but they worked it out, for now, and they were all smiles today as they drove me back up here.
ok, so i think at school i will be better at the update thing. i swear...
posted by erica face at 5:21 PM

ok addie..this is for you! ha ha... but i am snowed, so there is no excuse for me not to update this at least. last night i hung out with steve strong, kim sepulveda and mike simon. it was a really fun night. we watched labrynth and had long college student type talks until about 4 am. It was really good to see kim and steve. they are some of the greatest people i know. i just know that someday, they are going to do great things, and i am going to be so proud to have known them.
addie...i just cant type anymore right now...i will later...i promise
posted by erica face at 8:39 PM

yeah, ok...so at home i will not be able to update all of the time...i just can't deal with the modem. but look, here i am now...wipe away the tears.
so on tuesday night, i drove up with my dad to pick up brendan. it always strikes me how excited i get when i open his door and he is standing there. "gee erica, were you expecting someone else?" referencing back to an earlier entry, it is weird how emotionally drawn in i already feel. but i guess i am going to have to deal with that slowly. it was so good to see him though. i love it when he smiles at me when he misses me...god, i sound like i am talking about a dog...but i am not, i swear. the one thing that bothered me about that night was that as were leaving jewitt, my dad made comment about how ugly some of the girls at vassar are. then he pointed out that i am cute at best, but not beautiful or even pretty. gee, i felt sooooo GOOD after that. bren pointed out that it can some times be sketchy when dads think their daughters are beautiful, but still, it hurt when he said that. brendan says i am beautiful, and when i deny it (and it is not a false sense of modesty, b/c i guess i agree with my dad, i am not beautiful) he gets mad, and asks how i can not think i am beautiful...well, when your own father doesnt think you are pretty, it is hard to say you are. my parents always wondered why i had such low self-esteem in high school...gee i wonder why? then, on the ride home, my dad asked offhandedly if i felt abandoned when they left me with grandparents all of the time when i was younger...well, yeah, i did. i cant believe it took them that long to even consider that. and he had the nerve to be shocked when i said yes. you leave a five year old girl alone with an emotionally abusive man for months at a time, and you have the nerve to shocked when i said it messed me up? and to ask 15 years later? i unfortunately have the feeling that i am going to reach the end of my rope with my parents this time at home.
and work is work...lots to do, lots of annoying customers. but i do like the people i work with a lot. i hung out with keri the other night after work and it was fun. and for the first time, one of randy's roommates acknowledged my presence in public. he said goodbye to me when he was leaving the mall. that really is something in my book. oh, and stupid jerkface came into the world of science. i think iwill have to make a cast of characters like on addie's webpage so that you know who i am talking about. but yeah, jerkface came in to say hi to someone else ( i doubt he saw me before he entered the store, by the look of shock on his face) i said hi when i saw him, b/c hey, what do i have to lose? sure i think he is an ass, but i am not going to be rude or think that being snotty now will somehow make the situation better. i wanted to be friends with him and HE fucked that up. yeah, i wrote a scathing email, but that was after he ignored me. he said an really uncomfortable hi, and didnt bother to try to strike up conversation. he left pretty damn quickly. he has no right to be pissed. he was the asshole, he fucked up the situation. he cant paint me as the psycho again.
ok, i am done ranting for now...hopefully, by the end of this weekend i will have more content on the site.....
posted by erica face at 8:49 PM

being at home makes for a very boring web page. do you know what i did on a saturday night? i fell asleep at eight o clock watching a league of their own. this cant continue. i hope people get home soon, or i finally catch up with addie.
it was weird looking at my old web log (which will not be posted). my feelings about brendan and other things have evolved so much. but it makes me question how honest i can be here. some of the things i wrote, i feel..well almost regretful about writing. i know i meant them when i wrote them, but now i feel mean for having said them. i cant deny what i said or felt which i sometimes do to myself. but i guess that is good, so i can see how i grow emotionally.
yeah, i am going to really miss him. which sucks in a variety of ways. obviously, because i am going to miss him. but also, my missing him symbolizes that i am attached already. it kind of scares me. i always seem to be falling into intense relationships. when i broke up with scott, it was supposed to be my time to do erica stuff, but here i am with someone else. sometimes i think that i am weak for not living up to that. but then again, i like the way things feel with brendan, so i dont really regret it. the good things is is that he seems willing to talk things out with me and respects what i am going through.
posted by erica face at 5:35 PM

ok, so its my mom's birthday...very low key, gives me time to start this thing. i plan on updating my webpage a lot while i am home. this is the first step. i know i started a journal thing, but it was too much work. hopefully this will make it easier.
i forget what the last thing i wrote was, but i hope i wrote down that i am going out with brendan. yeah, i know in a previous post that i seemed not into him at all. that was really not the truth. it was more that i wasnt ready for what i saw there. i realized that i am very good about denying what i am feeling. every day that i have spent with brendan so far has been great. i dont want to think about the future too far, but i have a feeling (although those are never too reliable with me) that things should be really good with this situation. only time will tell.
posted by erica face at 8:29 PM