4/2/2000

"To solve the problem you must neglect it..." -An Instructor Well, I'm back again, writing more useless crap. I feel bad actually making this web page any longer, fearing that someone my waste 5 whole minutes reading this stupid thing. Yet I can't stop... I think it was Maslow who had said that when all your basic needs are fulfilled that you tend to try to go beyond yourself. I have seemed to come to this stage in my life just the other day; I started playing Sim City. It's like having a kid, smoking crack, pringles, or like sex (unless you're me), you just can't stop. I sit in my room, when my friend is not home and I can't use his computer, and worry about my city. I feel like I need to get back to it, or like it'll leave if I don't care for it. While I'm playing I feel like I'm doing the wolrd (or atleast my own little one) a huge favor. Yet again, another sad story in my life. School is going suprisingly well. I have been getting decent grades and actually enjoyed playing a game of basketball on Wednesday. Sadly I am incredably bad at the game and only hurt myself and others. "All ankles and elbows," as a friend says.So I don't have much to complain about here, yet... Girls... I have no clue what's going on there. I have a huge crush on one girl, so I never talk to her; anotherI want to be my wife; one I only want to sit around and talk withm and one I wish would never speak to me again. That pretty much summs up mot of the female situation here. Though, for all those "unlucky at love," just like me; rejoice, for I have found the solution: ignore them and you will never be rejected. In the past 2 years I haven't been rejected by a single girl! Nor have I talked to one I didn't already know... I suck. Well, I'm really beat, and this is not even good enough to laugh at, so I'll write more on the 'morrow. Good night posted by Nautilus 4/2/2000

3/27/2000

"The prize is only as valuable as the journey was difficult." -Unknown So the reason I haven't posted anything in a while, and why I often will miss days at a time, is because my studies have kept me quite busy. Downtime is not an option. I actually have missed getting on my bud's computer and tapping away for awhile about nothing. I guess I have to make some sacrifices for the sake of nuclear power! Studying has its advantages though. At the least, it keeps me out of trouble, and sometimes it can even keep me awake! (This is a rare occurence, and more often than not it's the other way around.) Hey, I gotta remember why I'm here though. I guess the long term goal is to get out of the Navy and into the civilian world as something better than the night clerk at a convience store. If it takes 6 years of wearing a uniform and my home floating away for six months at a time with me on it, I guess it's worth it. I'll be 25 when it's all said and done. A 25 year-old ex-sailor running your reactors, kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when you go to sleep at night (probably due to all the radiation). I joke because I can, if it weren't a safe job, my Mom woulda stopped me right? Anyway, I got bigger plans than moving to back to Pittsburgh when I'm 25. I don't want to see the world exactly, but I'm afraid someday I might, so I'm trying to get all that out of the way now. Nothing like spending 6 months in school learning engineering to quench the thirst for adventure, huh? How sad am I... Well, I haven't spoken with the ex-girlfriend since last time I wrote on here. Hopefully I won't have to feign civility again. Usually if I'm upset, I have no problem being a complete jerk about it. I don't know, I used to have to hide any problems I had with her back when I cared what she thought; old habits are hard to break, I guess. I keep telling myself to call her and just come out with some searing comment that will make her curse my name forever. The best I can seem to come up with is "I'm just great. How are you?" Incredible huh? Yep, I'm the man... Well, it's bed time here. Nothing like getting up at 5:30 (that's AM) to get to school. Sad as it may be, I guess I gotta keep my goals in sight. Only a little over 5 months until my transfer to New York. That's where I can't wait to be, for different reasons, even if I am still in the Navy. Well, good night all, and I hope you were still awake to read that... posted by Nautilus 3/27/2000

3/25/2000

"A warm glance, a fake smile." -Sean Olson, by KoRn Well, I called her today... This happened after a long session of putting extremely mean songs telling her never to talk to me again and getting ready to send it off to her. So after remembering that I threw away her address and had no clue how to send the tape, I decided to call her and be really cold. This tactic failed miserably... I called her after much staring at the phone and thinking of things that I wanted to say that couldn't be construed as terroristic threats (I don't need any jail time on my record). She answered the phone in that bubbly, I'm-a-sales-rep sort of voice; that caught me off guard. She recognized my voice and actually sounded happy to hear from me...how bizzare. This coming from the girl who hung up me, then tells me to not speak to her, and finally says we should never speak again so we could "mend" ourselves after the fallout, I mean breakup. Now she writes asking me to call and then acts like nothing ever happened, what a crock. She should be a theater major... I made the mistake of talking to her for more than the 10 seconds it would have taken to spout off a bunch of meaningless vulgarities and hang up the phone. No, that would have been too easy. I decided to try to make a bit of conversation. She told me a bunch of stuff that had no relavence to anything, and then we hung up. Much like you will be after reading this, I was absolutely mortified by the lack of meaning those 10 mins had. I was actually angry at myself for being nice to her... Other than that, my day has been absolutely meaningless. At least I'm consistent. As my friend always says, if you're going to do something, do it, and do it well. I'm the king of wasting my early 20's. posted by Nautilus 3/25/2000

3/24/2000

"My friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights if I could make the Earth and my dreams the same." -Higher, by Creed They can't fool me, I know that no one but me will ever read this. To anyone out there besides myself (and even to myself, I guess) who may read this, I apologize. Concieted babble is not one of my favorite pastimes, I swear. I guess this could be used for anyone who wants to know about what a 20 year-old guy in the Navy's Nuclear Power School thinks about in a day. I know what you're thinking: "Who cares what he thinks?". I wish I had an answer. Anyhow, on with the show! If only I knew what I was supposed to do. I guess the main reason for all this writing that I always want to do is because of all the conflict in the things that I think. My mind and my emotions have battles the likes of which people write songs about. I guess when one has a mind for science and a heart for the abstract they tend to cause a bit of a ruckus in his head. It's weird to have a heart that desires certain things and to have a mind that refuses to place any credence in anything that you may want. I guess it would be easier to say that no matter what I do one part of me always seems upset that I did it and the other part is to worried about the next thing. It's a wonder I get anything accomplished. Sometimes I wonder if I am getting anything accomplished... I guess I am accomplishing something, at least in a professional sense. I completed my first full week of Nuclear Power School today. I feel that to be one of those few things that I can say I'm proud of anymore. I like my school, it took me 20 years but I finally like my school. Some days I just sit back and laugh and wonder how I survived grade school and high school hating it as bad as I did. I guess you truly don't learn anything unless you love it. Sad as it may sound, I love learning about Nuclear Power. So now you're sitting there, thinking "what a dork." I won't get into a description of myself (those are so dumb, my height and the color of my eyes mean nothing in the fantabulous "world of the internet"), I'll just say that to look at me you wouldn't think "Well there goes a reactor operator in training." (Note: If you do look at anyone and think that, do them a favor and shoot them.) I am a dork at heart, I promise you. Here is my problem, this is probably where most people talk about their personal lives. I really don't have much of one anymore. My last glimmer of a social life was almost a year ago, right before I sold myself to the Navy. That back when I was still with her. She was still with me a year ago, that's hard to believe sometimes. It amazes me how much things can change. A year ago I was completely in love with her, and as far as I could tell, she completely loved me. A year later she has told me that we agree it would be best if we didn't speak anymore. I've seen her twice since I joined, how can she say that we really spoke to begin with. Yes, I maintained communication, but how much can you say to a person without letting them see your eyes and interpret your expression? I say there's no real point in talking unless you are within 5 feet of the person. So I guess that maybe is the problem. I really am useless on the phone and when I write (as you all can no doubt tell). I guess I had no real way to believe she would even want to still talk to me, so here lies the question... Why after telling me a month ago it would be best if we went our completely seperate ways would she send me a birthday card telling me to call her? I guess I would be more worried if it wasn't my birthday, but still, the point remains the same. I refuse to allow myself to get too caught up in it, I guess too busy being bitter. Well, I think it's time to end this mindless drivel for today. I'll be sure to write more again soon, it is rather nice to ramble to no one then to feel I'm wasting precious minutes of someone's life. If you read this far, it's your own fault, I can't be held responsible. Well, that's all till next time... posted by Nautilus 3/24/2000

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