I wrote a letter to my principle today, a bit of a snitchy one. I want to make it more snitchy, I didn’t realise I was this angry, or this deeply hurting. I didn’t realise that it had had the effect on me that it did. I didn’t realise that I could do something about it. I didn’t realise that I didn’;t have to take this, and that it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t realise that there is nothing wrong with me. I didn’t realise I don’t have to feel guilty. I didn’t realise that she was wrong. I didn’t realise how happy that would make me. there was a lot I didn’t know. I am glad I know now.


He violated me. I don’t have to think that it is my fault. He didn’t violate me physically, but mentally. He invaded my boundaries, and I don’t have to put up with that type of behaviour. I had a right to get sympathy. I had a right to express my grief if I felt like that. I had a right to be cared for by my school. He stole all that away from me. I didn’t realise that I was this angry about it.


I havent forgiven them yet. I am not ready for that just yet. I will, but when I am ready. This is a huge deep deep hurt, and it cannot be forgiven and forgotten that quickly. I don’t have to feel guilty that I havent forgiven them anymore either. I feel free.


Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty I’m free at last


I am so steamed up about this whole issue now. So angry and so hurt still. They were so inconsiderate. So pompous and so horrible. I know it’s wrong, but I want to hurt them as much as they hurt me. Take this anger away from me lord, it’s not right. Help me to heal.


I will include the letter…


Two years ago, when my father died, the school was supportive in that you visited, sent flowers, and came to his funeral. However I was deeply hurt when no mention of my Father’s death was made in assembly or chapel and we were not openly prayed for in front of the school community.


This offended me because it made me feel that my grief was not valid, and that I was not free to show emotion about his death in class. It made me feel like it was some dreadful secret that I wasn’t allowed to mention for fear of upsetting people. I also believe that it had the effect of making the other people in my class feel that they weren’t supposed to know about my fathers death, and that I didn’t want them to know, with the effect that not many people at school felt comfortable offering me condolences.


I sat there during the first assembly waiting. I was nervous, and worried about it, but I knew that I needed the acknowledgement. It didn’t come, and I sort of understood, but felt that time should have been made for something that important. The fact that the school was merely talking about several students wonderful holiday overseas, and took up too much time, upsets me, as it makes it appear that the school is more concerned with it’s image instead of the individual students welfare. I decided that the announcement must have been coming during chapel that Thursday. When still no announcement came again I thought that you meant to announce it the next assembly, but I was deeply offended that Mrs Boothey didn’t pray for us by name. As our family is quite open about our faith I felt upset that the school didn’t pray for its students whom they knew would appreciate it.


For weeks I lived in this state. Being hurt each time no acknowledgement was made. I feel sure that it was merely an oversight, but one which should not have happened, especially in a school that prides itself on its supportive and caring atmosphere. Much of that support and care was robbed from me by the lack of acknowledgement at the most traumatic and upsetting time of my life.


The fact that his death was announced in the newsletter was of no help to me, as in many cases, newsletters don’t reach the homes and the students don’t read them if they do. I also know for a fact that most students, even people in my own year, still, two and a half years later, have no idea that he is dead.


This perceived lack of caring from the school, I feel, has begun to affect my schoolwork, as it is hard to concentrate on learning in a place where you don’t feel cared for. It has made me lethargic in my attitude to study and made me lose concentration in class. Going into year 12 this year, I felt that this issue needed to be addressed now, instead of at the end of the year like I was planning.


It also offended me that it seemed to only be us that you singled out in this way. Later on in that year, after she was no longer even a student of our school, Bronwyn Richard’s father died also. His death was announced in chapel and was prayed for repeatedly. Early last year, someone else’s father was merely injured, and he was prayed for. This makes me angry. Why were we forgotten about? It made me feel like we are invisible to the school. Our family has been with this school since 1990. That is 11 years now. Yet I don’t feel like a valued member of the school’s community since I wasn’t offered the chance to have other students in the school share my grief.


I need for the school to acknowledge the effect their omission had upon me. I need for my hurt and pain to be validated in order that I may move on and forgive.

posted by Belinda Leon 1:39 PM