Falling Off |
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yeah. what?
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17.9.01
A photo my mom sent, of my friends and I at our cottage on the Cape:  (from front left to right: Melissa, me, Dana, Helen and Yelena)
Nancy and pictures? That's kind of vague...how many Nancy's are there....contrary to my previously held belief (as a 5 year old), there is definitely more than one...people are wierd. Yahoo! Search Results for nancy pictures
It is five o'clock in the ass and I am up but I don't know why. So, I am downloading articles for a grant proposal that I am writing, to read on the train ride home to Albany. That's right, I'm writing a grant proposal for an AmeriCorps group that I want to start here in NY. 16.9.01
This article, from the Sunday Times, by Bruce Weber, articulates best the emotions that I am having as of late, regarding this whole thing: An Insignificant Spectator 14.9.01
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me.... I once was lost but now am found, Was blind, but now, I see. T'was Grace that taught... Through many dangers, toils and snares... The Lord has promised good to me... When we've been here a thousand years... "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
I don't know what to say. I found out that someone I know's sister was on the 104th floor. I only met her once or twice but she is a good friend of a good friend of mine. Its just horrifying. I dont know what to say. I'm back in New York because I had to work. The Kaplan Center opened for business and I went because...well, what else am I going to do? At the end of the month, no matter what, I still have to pay rent. But I feel like the whole world should be on hiatus...like it should just stop but I suspose that would only bring satisfaction to those who support the terrorist actions as of late. So, I go on, and accept that the world must go on as well, for those who are fortunate enough to be relatively detached from it all. Lord knows, if it affected me personally, I would not be able to function. Not at all. I just don't know what to think of it all. It's just too big. Too hard to fathom. I can't get a grasp on it. Maybe I'm not so detached from it. 12.9.01
I stood on the elevated platform of the F train at Ditmas Avenue, on my way to Methodist Hospital in Park Slope to give blood. I looked towards Manhattan, and there beyond the trees of Prospect Park, on the horizon, in the midday light, was an ominous cloud of black smoke rising where the World Trade Center used to stand. 11.9.01
its just gone...the fucking world trade center is gone. obliterated. unreal. i live in brooklyn. we are getting no channels except for cbs and its barely coming in. god. just gone... 10.9.01
Well, things are sort of looking up... I had a meeting with a rep at the Board of Ed, who is making some phone calls for me. I have interviews for other jobs, other positions besides teaching... I still don't feel better. 6.9.01
I was very productive today. First, I was on the phone with unemployment forfreakingever until the operator decided that it was just too hard to do this with a deaf person, so they are sending me an application and I have to go down and file in person, which is what I wanted to do in the first place but its like, against the rules or something. Then, I went to the Board of Education and filed my complaint with the Office of Equal Opportunity. They'll "be getting back to me." Ah, bureaucracy. Then, I ran for a quick-arriving, quick-leaving train and only thought to check its destination once we were already moving. Fortunately, I was in luck, for the train was going uptown, like me. So, I schlepped all the way to the Upper West Side to pick up some pottery pieces from Our Name is Mudd that Jules and I made at a birthday party ages ago for our other friend Julie. Then, I went all the way back downtown and walked to NYU from 14th Street station...granted, I went out the 12th street exit but whatever...I went to the computer lab and applied for a whole mess of nanny/babysitting/childcare/wipe-my-spoiled-brat's-ass type jobs and I heard back from people pretty quickly. Mmh. Then, I got an email from good old Fritz at Kaplan, who so kindly offered me not one, but two!, new classes to teach. Whee. Money. Then, it was off to meet Jules at the bookstore to get our books for our class. We are nerds. Class doesn't start for, like, three weeks. Only one book was in and seeing as how the semester just started for those underclassmen, the bookstore was mad crowded. We said, screw it. We'll pick 'em up later. Which we will do. Yay! Books! Then, we went to Old Navy, where I spied some cute stuff but my fear of not being able to pay my Old Navy card bill stopped me from going nuts and we left the store promptly. I never felt so responsible in my life. But lord knows that as soon as I get a nanny job, I will be going back there and getting some good good stuff. I'm a whore. I know.
From my dad: <<<< Sorry. Don't worry though. it will all work out. It will be like many things you've had to do in the past--have to work harder than eveyone else to get what you want. It sounds like you're on the right road. Just keep cool and think smart--you'll eventually get there. >>>> From my mom: God bless 'em.
So, apparently when I said that I was interested in the Language Arts position, it was somehow misheard as "special education." Needless to say, I don't have a job. I'm calling unemployment today. I'm going down to the Board of Ed to get the ball rolling on the Office of Equal Opp investigation. I hate this. 5.9.01
The ring is out. It cost me 5 bucks. Jeez. Turns out there was no twisting involved...just pulling. Ouch. I have clumsy fingers...I gave in and forked over the 5 bucks. I better have this job. Jeez. I got my glasses fixed,too. I stepped on them way back in April or something. I didn't have to pay anything to get them straightened out and now I can see again...and the place I went had nice frames, so I think I'll go back because I need new glasses...again. :)
I went and signed up for the Fiction Writing One class. I am so excited! Whee. More good news...I applied for this teaching position awhile back at this new charter school downtown and I never heard from them again, despite the 3 or so follow-up calls that I made. I just needed to know if the job was still available or what. So, I go down to Houston and Avenue D. First, I had to find the school. There are three schools in that general vicinity. For some reason, I thought the school was in PS 97 (here, in NY, there are often multiple schools in one building), which waaaaay over by the FDR. I found an open door, wandered around until I saw a human being, who told me that the school was probably in a building two blocks over, which I thought was PS 188. Okay. At this point, it was raining pretty nicely. So, I cross the street and go down about two blocks. I was directed up to the second floor...there was a big sign that said "The Island School", so it wasn't the second floor. I go up to the third floor. I find a really cute young guy teacher in a classroom, who tells me to try the fourth floor. Okay. So, I go up there and I wander into this office that has three women in it and one of them said to me, "oh the recreation specialist, right?" I don't know where that came from! Needless to say, the fourth floor was no winner, either. They kindly direct me back to the second floor to the principal's office. The nice lady in the office had never heard of the school I was looking for. By this point, I was really puzzled and frustrated. I walked outside and up to the corner of D and Houston. I'm looking around and I'm wondering, is there another school around here? I look towards Hamilton Fish and I notice that there's, like, a building on top of it. Is that it? I walked over there and lo and behold, it was a junior high school. I go in, and ask for the school and the guard says, "it's around the corner, in room 250. Got ID?" Oh, gladly! So, finally, I was here. I walked into the office and talked to this girl who turned out to be the guidance counselor. The three designers of the school, including the principal, were "in a meeting." So, I waited. One of the designers came out and introduced himself and said, "oh, we've been hoping you would call or stop by." What!? So, I sat around for a long time, waiting to talk to all three of them. They gave me some brochures and told me to look them over to see if I liked the school. They explained the dress code, which means getting rid of the eyebrow ring. I can deal with that. (By the way, I can't get it out and I don't know why so I have to go down to the piercing salon and explain that I'm an idiot and ask them to get it out.) Then, they kept me waiting forever while I "thought about the school". One of them finally came out and asked me to come back at 2, today. Sure! Even though I have to tutor someone at 1:30. Sure! So, when I got home, I had to deal with the whole rescheduling my tutoring session thing, which is whole 'nother headache. But, I think I have a job. I hope I have a job. I hope I haven't just jinxed it. Oh! This is nerve-wracking. 3.9.01
Yay! I am going to school...I am taking one class with my friend Jules at NYU. Fiction Writing One. I am so excited. I have to go downtown tomorrow to register in-person. I have to figure out how to use my AmeriCorps education grant, which I got for logging 900 hours at Jumpstart, way back during my freshman and sophomore years of college. I'm depressed about not being able to find a teaching job and I need a little pick-me-up. Basically, I've decided that as a graduate in the top third of my class at a prestigious four year university, with a BS in English Education and a resume that reflects nothing but an academic career devoted to the field of education, there is no reason why I should not be getting hired but yet, I keep getting passed over, again and again. It's taken me a long time to admit this but maybe I'm getting passed over because there are concerns about how my hearing impairment will affect my ability to manage a classroom. I was raised never to doubt my ability to do anything and its incredibly hard and frustrating and demoralizing to think that more than one someone out there thinks that I can't handle a classroom, when I've done nothing but for the past four years. So, I'm opening up an investigation at the Office of Equal Opportunity at the Board of Ed. I'm in the process of collecting various evaluations to support my claim that there is no reason why I should keep getting passed over. Even if the investigation solves my problem, I'm not sure I even want to be a classroom teacher anymore. The more I think about it, the more I feel like maybe I made a decision about my whole life too quickly. I declared my major in education freshman, and maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I should have been an English major and minored in education. In retrospect, I should have allowed myself to explore more avenues of interest. I feel a little wiser but not very. Just mostly stupid and young and like I should be kicking myself in the ass. So, if I don't have a job by the end of the week, I'm going on unemployment. Hopefully, I will qualify and if not, there's always temping and Kaplan and those editorial assistant jobs I applied for at Random House and various other smaller places, like SparkNotes. I had to dig up some old papers to use as writing samples. When I read my old papers, I'm always so amazed that I wrote them, for some reason... 2.9.01
Ha ha. The boy (girl?) must have been sorely disappointed, no?< Yahoo! Search Results for shit-faced women pictures 30.8.01
I love my mom. <<<<<<<<<<<<<< Hi . I read the nytimes article. It is truely disgusting. and Im sorry, Im totally disgusted that someone with no teacher trainer, experience, or certification can land a teaching job, because of, who knows why, doesnt really matter why, and qualified people such as yourself cannot. No wonder the nyc schools are in such lousy shape and there is such a shortage of teachers. Who in their right mind, with any alternative at all, would subject themselves to that? Love Mommy >>>>>>>>>>>> Damn straight, Ma. |