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© 2000-01 Sunil Doshi
I never cry.
And I did not cry after what happened on Tuesday. However, last night, I got pretty close.
We went to see Ben Folds at a show rescheduled from Tuesday. He did not make any references to The Tragedy. He just played. During a song that I have heard countless times before, a lump lodged itself in my throat, and fingers seemed to be tickling my neck. This is as close as I get to crying.
I was listening to the words. Actually listening to what they meant. The story wasn't profound, and I'm positive it had nothing to do with destruction and terrorism. But the story was sad, and I was sad. And these two things almost made me tear up.
It has been years since I've listened to lyrics and thought that the song was written just for me. In high school and college, the trauma/bliss of love and friendship made everything mean more. Music especially. I even made a personal sense out of Michael Stipe's absurdly abstract lyrics.
But after I fell in love, songs became entertainment. All the meaning I needed could be found in my relationship.
People have been saying that America collectively lost its innocence on Tuesday. I have to disagree. I feel like I've gained back my wonder and curiosity. I don't understand why all of this happened. I'm looking for the answers like I used to look for insight into love. I'm listening to my friends with a keener ear. I am trying to be more open to every viewpoint.
But more evident than anything else... I'm listening to music again. I'm listening to the words. Because, after Tuesday, I'm damn sure that I don't know everything.
Under the enormous weight of fear and confusion, we've become innocent again.
It's hard to celebrate my birthday with the current state of affairs. Nevertheless, I will guiltily put aside the haunting images for one night. Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes.
What happened to Jish is completely inexcusable and frighteningly ignorant. Even if he was from Afghanistan, we can't blame an entire people for the actions of a brainwashed, heartless group. Nothing about the coming days puts more fear in me than this... militant, naive actions against those who don't deserve it. People who are "Arabian" or who believe in Islam are not the enemy. We have to be logical, lucid, and confident through the next acts in this play.
My parents are in Turkey (which has a sizable Islamic population) right now. They were supposed to come back today, but it looks like they will be there for another week, patiently waiting for an open flight.
They were on a ferry yesterday when they saw the first shots of the Twin Towers getting hit flash on the television. They couldn't understand what was going on, so they asked one of the men who was intently watching. The man's limited English produced little information for my parents. But the man disappeared. In a few moments, he came back with orange juice for them. Orange juice. Such a small thing. But an enormous sign of goodwill and empathy.
Please be vigilant about being intelligent. A nation in rage has to point that anger in the proper direction.
Some signs, despite all evidence to the contrary, that we are not a money-hungry, inhumane, intolerable species:
It's chaos here in Washington. Constant sirens. Legions of people on the streets trying to get home. It was surreal to see the burning Pentagon on TV and walking outside to actually see the rising smoke.
Whoever did this succeeded in interrupting the rest of our lives, putting our dreams in the shadows, and causing the nightmares of every American.
Things are changing around here. Small things. Pretty things. Useful things. Maybe you'll take notice, or maybe you'll just feel the change the way one feels déjà vu.
It will be slow and will likely take absurd amounts of time. But we've outgrown this shell and we're ready to molt.
With heartfelt thanks and respect, Goodbye Mr. Rogers!
- An old Salon Brilliant Careers piece on Fred Rogers.
- A great This American Life episode(real audio) that has Mr. Rogers dealing with the problems in a neighborhood of today (for description, go halfway down this page).
A friend mentioned that I've been bitching a lot on these pages in the last few weeks. Complain, whine, middle-class despair. I'm just disenchanted with various things I used to trust. The list is getting longer and longer. Television, film, hard work, hot dogs, government, the web.
But near the top of the list is the fucking radio. I hate the radio.
I can't listen to the same loop of Creed, Incubus, and Blink-182 ad infinitum (I wonder if these bands would admit they are tired of hearing their own songs over and over?).
So, with heady anticipation, I await satellite radio. Finally, hundreds of digital quality, intelligently programmed stations will follow me across the country. I need to hear Charles Mingus next to The Kinks next to Destiny's Child. The only question left is XM or Sirius?
I know, another day, another gadget. It's not like I can afford the shit. I just have a broken gene making a beeline for my wallet. Somewhere, some electronics exec is laughing at me, with my retirement money lining his pockets.
I'm still in shock after seeing "Behind the Veil" last night on CNN. A reporter snuck into Afghanistan to get footage of the atrocities the Taliban has been responsible for over the last 4 years of their rule. One thing that was clear was that the "government" of Afghanistan have no idea about the perception of their country to the outside world, nor do they care.
There is a football stadium that was built in the capital, using relief money from all over the world. But the Taliban doesn't use it to have sporting events. They perform public executions, in the form of hangings from the goal posts, in front of thousands. A government representative said they would start using the stadium for football again if foreign governments paid for a new place to perform the public executions.
I think it's disturbing when the US tries to proliferate their lifestyle and way of thinking across the globe. But this is one time I wish we could force our ideologies concerning human rights and decency on another culture.
I have Powerball fever! Well, $5 worth of it.
This was the first time I ever played the lottery, which was quite evident to the seasoned perennials waiting in line with me. But I tried to blend in. Simple observation of my line mates revealed some of the finer points of being a lottery pro. They demonstrated, in practice, lottery-line etiquette, which included acting like you have a better place to be. I guess there is a certain unstated sadness about pinning your hopes to some numbered ping-pong balls. So every last person in the line, including me, made it visually clear that they really didn't need to win.
As desperate as the whole thing turned out to be, the worst part was seeing the shelves of leaflets one could buy near the counter. They had titles like "Ed's Super Lottery Machine" and "Jackpot Jerry's Surefire Numbers." There were a dozen of these little booklets, all filled with pages of numbers, selling for $2 a piece. The ironic thing is that Ed and Jerry probably don't have to play the lottery because of the money they're plucking from our gullible hands.
My wife will be gone this weekend with a few of her girlfriends for a "girls's weekend." I'm sure it's not going to be as salacious as it sounds.
Where does that leave me? In pathetic confusion. I'm not good at being by myself. Very little gets done. A lot of Taco Bell gets eaten. It must have something to do with never living alone. Whatever the reasons, I don't know what to do with myself, and I wait like a dog at the door for someone to come back.
Homer Simpson said it best when he correlated love to complete and utter dependence.
We have a lot of European tourists in these parts. They dress in unusual garments. But leather shorts should not be worn by a man. No matter what.
My post yesterday may have come off the wrong way. Some comments pointed in my direction have made that evident. Maybe I'm just not good with words and my intent wasn't clear.
First of all, I'm probably one of the most liberal people you would meet. I'm completely for gay/lesbian/transsexual/black/white/squirrel/etc. rights. I think it is groundbreaking that CBS will have a transsexual character on one of their shows. With my post, I was trying to make light of the fact that GLAAD, which on first inspection, would seem like a liberal organization, has some disturbingly conservative tendencies. It makes me feel uncomfortable that a group who is supposed to represent a victimized minority regularly asks others to renege on their right to free speech.
I don't want anybody's rights to be compromised. You should be able to live your life however you please. But I will defend a person's right to say whatever they want to my grave.
Truth be told, I'm really not such a bad guy.