17.9.01

Before I fell into my 4.5 hours of sleep last night, I lay in bed not counting sheep, but hours. Trying to figure out what kind of schedule I really am on, how long my day should last. Where the hours go. Trying to tire my brain out.
I had been awake for fifteen. Before that, I slept for nine. Counting backwards. Up for nineteen. Slept for five. Up for nineteen. Slept for six. Up for sixteen. Slept six and a half. Up for nineteen. Slept for four. Up for twenty-two. Slept for five. Up for twenty. Slept for five...
Well, not counting naps, which are easy to forget. But anyway, I'm not surprised that I'm sick. (k T 5:05 PM)

Ew. Ew. Phlegm! Ewww!! I am disgusting, stay away from me.

In other news, I bought really, really thick kleenex. And from the campus bookstore, a gargantuan sweatshirt that I will get to wear approximately twice a year. (k T 4:28 PM)

16.9.01

"But to keep God entirely out of Friday's service would be like refusing to hold it in English because some Americans don't speak that language."
I'm trying to look at both sides, I'm trying to be understanding. Because I think of spirituality as a quieter, more personal thing. Maybe it's just me. (k T 12:17 AM)

14.9.01

Pictures of Manhattan. (k T 7:41 PM)

Afternoon classes are cancelled. This is good, because I am sick.
I am sick because I cannot sleep. I just sit up, hours after I get tired, unwilling to stop clicking and pacing and washing and tidying and watching the words scroll by on teevee -- and just lie down and give in to the night.
My head hurts. My throat hurst. My nose is sniffly. I cry for no reason, but that's probably hormonal.
I need someone to come sit by me, who'll only be mildly grossed out by how I look and feel.

I'm skipping the rockshow tonight. I have a test first thing Monday, crew in the morning (our first day on the water shouldn't be too hard, right?), a party I promised I'd go to tomorrow night (I will probably be calling later and cancelling). My parents have invited me home, but I don't know if I even want to bother with the drive. For anyone who wants to come take care of me, I have chocolate ice cream in the fridge and all the leftovers you can eat. (k T 11:28 AM)

13.9.01

I was gonna sleep in today, but they've been banging on my roof really loud for the past two hours. (k T 11:12 AM)

12.9.01

I got all hunkered down to take a nap, closed my eyes, and there was a tidal wave of concrete dust knocking people over. Thank you, teevee. (k T 7:46 PM)

This could've been written by me:
i feel that i am expected to become blindly patriotic, to be one of those who "rally around the president, in spite of party lines," as one news anchor put it - but i do not trust george w. bush, i have never trusted him, and this crisis changes nothing. when he took office i hoped that nothing would happen for four years, that he could just sit around the white house playing with yarn or sniffing glue or whatever he does for fun, without consequence. i watched his address to the country last night thinking that the will ferrell (saturday night live) version would have [been] more calming. i like to laugh when i'm nervous, after all. (k T 2:37 PM)

I slept four hours last night. That doesn't allow any time for dreams, really. But I did wake up to a reminder of it all, thanks to the radio alarm.
I find this incredibly haunting:
"Eyewitnesses recalled seeing people jump from windows of the tower high in the sky -- including a man and a woman who held hands as they plunged to their deaths." [article] (k T 2:23 PM)

[I got home and my apartment smells funky. :( That'll teach me to leave my garbage in here all morning with the air off...] (k T 7:02 AM)

11.9.01

I keep trying to rationalise it all, in the grand scheme. Even more difficult is trying to find things of value to take from tragedy. (k T 11:17 AM)

"Surreal" is definitely the word I keep looking for. (k T 9:55 AM)

Hey, early morning is actually really pretty. Huh. [I'm still not sure what to do with the rest of it. Class in five hours.] (k T 7:22 AM)

10.9.01

I am in a much better mood. I am going to bed any time now. Haha! (k T 10:39 PM)

Non-laundry ranting is here. (k T 6:19 PM)

I'm tired of blue laundry lint. I think I need to start wearing more red or something.

My friend's brother put a pair of red shorts in with his whites last week. I didn't think that thing happened outside of teevee. (k T 5:42 PM)

I was going to say something snappy, but I think my laundry is done. Grah. (k T 5:35 PM)

I have written a fucking poem in frawnch. I am going to hate myself in the morning. Alarm goes off in < 5 hours. (k T 3:19 AM)