wednesday__________
I went to The Ninth Life before and spent like all nite. it was really good if i remember correctly.
btw, HIII sio, i'm back lol for about 2 months i forgot all about these things and i was surfing my usual pages i was reading some of their blogs and was like...omg....i totally forgot i was a part of one lol
usagi chan loves you at 2/7/2001 09:39:04 PM
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sunday__________
My lord. Josh of The Ninth Life is an amazing guy. I went to there after following many links of Linda's. Now see, if he wasn't emotionally envolved (as far as I can tell, I'm playing journal catch-up since I've been lacking net wise) and far to old for me I could easily gain a little crush on him. He's much like Linda in the way he says he's done so many horrid things to chach up for, so that makes him something less that he is right now. As far as I can see he is a witty, charming male who dosen't fall into the depths of male lameness. Everyone has made mistakes(I'd say I've made more than most though, oops), but his taking responsiblity for his son makes up for so many things you could have ever done. I have seen so many parents try to say they couldn't take care of their children because they are too young or they still have so much living left to do, bullshit! You make a mistake you own up to it and not let that mistake hold you back or harm the "mistake" in any way. I hate shitty parents.
Oh so, this Josh guy, he makes me hope that someday I find a man so giving and loving as him so I won't fear loving someone ever again. He makes me ponder what me "perfect" man would be. It's hard to say too, I'm horridly snobby when it comes to guys, and I always fall in like with the wrong ones. Hell, even if I liked a good one I know I would't be able to admit it to thier face, but now I feel like making a silly list of what this guy would need.
Miss Sio's "Perfect" Beau
1. He would need to have a nice smile which he would show often. The kind of smile that reaches up into your eyes so everytime they smile or laugh you know the person is all heart and pure joy. I also like quirky smiles with a rasied eyebrow. The chalenging kind. Those are very yummy.
2. He would need to be emotionally mature, able to not run away if something was serious.
3. Somone who would stay when times got rough.
4. As stuck-up as it is. I need someone who I find attractive, even though at this moment I have no sexual aspects to any relationship, I need to know the possiblity exists. I need someone who I could be totally attracted to. I have a small yen for the nerdy type, I love boys in glasses. Still, I also have a thing for those with rough edges that you just can't smooth out totally, but they just add character.
5. Intelegence. A good conversation between two people curled up into one another is more intimate than sex could ever be. I also have this vast desire for strange knowledge and want to be able to talk and talk (which by this lengthy entry you can tell I do) and have it mean something. Like maybe I get fired up over all the excitement of the conversation. I need a guy with smarts that can grow and wit that can match my own, I like it when a guy can stump me, it so rarely happens and adds fire to any relationship in which it happens.
Oh, I can't think of anything more at the moment, when I do though I'll be sure to add it. Now I'll talk about Josh some more, it's sappy, but his story makes me cry. It's horrible that anyone should ever go through heart pains like that. Even though Alanis said you should get your heart broken any chance you get, the only good thing about it is it shows you that you have the strength to love again after someone has broken it. I'd like to love someone again, but as of yet I have no perspectives. I'm keeping my eyes open for sure though.
Since I've decided I'm not crazy ugly (even with a shaved head) I've also decided that I desrve someone to care about. I keep trying to convince myself that I don't deserve anything so lovely as a boyfriend (or I'll also leave my options open to a girlfreind), but deep inside where this spot inside of me is starting to heal and not feel so gapingly open to the world I am starting to feel... worthy of something good. I guess that is a vast improvement from how I usually treat myself and I' starting to like the idea that I can look in the mirror and see in my reflection "beauty" in some form.
With that odd statement and this crazily long and strange entry I think I'm going to go take my medicine and sleep.
miss sio loves you at 1/28/2001 01:17:32 AM
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friday__________
Yeah, I am a nerd. It's okay. I think I'm going to delete the last post. It sorta makes me feel snobby. Hell I probably am, but that is much besides the point. I am in a state of redesign. I want beautiful grunge sites. Everyone else can do it but me, and that sucks, I want something so messy it's beautiful. I'm going to have it too, even if it kills me! Which it wont because I'll most likely figure it out pretty quickly. Blah, I hate being me sometimes. I'm too smart for my own good.
miss sio loves you at 12/8/2000 05:21:48 PM
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tuesday__________
Well, the only thing good about all this, is I'm most likely going to drop a bunch of weight fast. In cheerleading we gotta do Tae-Bo then pratice all of our cheers or learn new ones, in basketball we do laps, suicides, dribble pratice, blocking pratice, scrimmages, and about 15 minutes of streching. The only cool thing is I was getting pretty good at my freethrows last night. I had lotsa swishes. Yay I guess, blah, I'm gonna go do some work!
miss sio loves you at 11/28/2000 12:04:46 PM
Lord my ankle hurts! last night at basketball pratice I feel on it and it's going to make me cry! dammit!...blah! I suppose I need to get ready to go into school... I'm only going for a half day, but then I have an hour before two hours of cheerleading pratice, then two hours of basketball pratice. Oh yay!
miss sio loves you at 11/28/2000 12:01:43 PM
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friday__________
my computer went down last weekend and i'm going crazy. i have to use the one in the living room and i feel so outta place here. ugh. i guess i should go buy me a new harddrive -f- I've been way busy lately with writing this stupid essay and studying for all my tests and it is finally slowed down for a week. but i should start studying for the big midterm i have in two weeks. ugh. i hate having to study!
i have...er...HAD....tonsa mp3s...i just keep downloading them -l- but sadly i gotta delete most...on this computer now there is about 400, mostly mom and dads stuff, most of which is old rock so that's kick ass.
i had a huge fight with my dad about my social problems. he says they are all in my head and i don't need any help. that doctors are just a buncha crock. called me dumb n crap for things when he wouldn't even let me finish my sentences before jumping in with a smartass remark. grrr...but then mom took me aside to have a talk about it and i told her a few things like how i get panic attacks and about my depression n blah blah...she gave me some zoloft to take(don't ask long story)....i've been taking it everyday since and it's gotten me a bit happier...i dunno...
i lov emy brow peircing -eg- am so proud of myself that i got it. makes me so cool now lmao
usagi chan loves you at 10/20/2000 02:56:19 AM
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monday__________
Well, all I really have to say is I got my eyebrow peirced, it's fun and silly and makes me very happy. Don't mind me though, I'm just the man behind the curtin(sp?).
miss sio loves you at 10/16/2000 09:37:00 AM
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friday__________
Oh, I've just been crazy insane busy but not. I feel sick all the time. I've always got a headache, always sneezing, always feeling like throwing up, and it just sucks. I need to do a shitload of work so this weekend is "catch up" time. And ton's of working. I work from 5:30 to 11 today and 5:30 to 11:30 tomorow. Grr, I hate that crap. I wanna go buy stuff! Mone money money! I'm so completely crappy feeling it sucks. This morning I woke up feeling like my get to my lungs were burning, on fire, and wiggiling around screeching because they were on fire. Not a good feeling. Blah. I hate feeling sick!
But, on the brighter side! I have Maroon now, the new BNL cd. Very yummy. I also have the whole thing on MP3's because I downloaded lovely napster. I have 110 MP#'s now which is amusing. Seriously. Most are of things I already own too. A ton of BNL. I'm so happy!
I say blah on boys too, blah on girls, and blah on most people! I feel so unconnected with everyone it makes me want to cry, cry a lot! Since, there is no way I can do that I'm stuck. I cry in spurts or all night. Usually, it's spurts, I even started crying at Wal Mart last night in the bathroom since I couldn't contain it. I hate being me somedays. I've been spending 3/4th's of my days sick feeling, 2/3rds depressed feeling, and the rest eating, sleeping or kinda happy. Grr, I need to get a shrink or something. I'm gonna go watch TV and eat something, though I most likely shouldn't 'cause everything makes me fat! I gained 10 lbs. even though everyone says I look thinner. I hate weight. It sucks! I just want to be all cute and desirable... is that too much to ask?
miss sio loves you at 10/13/2000 03:47:45 PM
it's been quite awhile since i even looked at this thing. i hate being so busy. and i'm not even what most ppl would consider busy. it just is for me. where are you at Sio? are you just as busy? lol
they've been having this Charlie's Angels marathon on Tvland that i've been watching all week. it's got me hooked on the show. heh. when i'm home and not watching one of my regular shows or sleeping, i have the Angels on. kinda weird that i never really got into it before. Think it's interesting now.
so anyway, Blah on college homework, blah on college classes, blah on boys and blah on relationships. that's all i gotta say for tonite.
usagi chan loves you at 10/13/2000 02:50:25 AM
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friday__________
yeah that's the part i was watching when i started goin all warm(the chest scene..omg) yeah! um um um Maria(i think it's Majandra Delfino) she looks absolutely beautiful with long hair now. but she also rocked with the short hair...since i have short hair, i keep hoping it gets long enuf to be like her styles -l- yeah Brendan's hairdo is a bit....i dunno..gotta get used to it -l-
i skipped class yesterday cuz i just didn't feel like going so shame on me too. oooops. but i wasn't sleeping i just didn't wanna go. i just got over being sick, don't mention headaches! Buffy just rules.
i have an essay of 3 pages to write for my religion class by monday. i have the weekend and everytime i go to start it, something distracts me. i need to stop letting everything do that to me so i can actually sit down to study for once.
got into another fight with Noah last nite. got me crying over him again. i really need to just forget i had any sort of relationship with him.
then there's Steve.......
usagi chan loves you at 10/6/2000 08:08:29 PM
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wednesday__________
So school today wasn't to very amusing. I'm now going to go finish reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien for English III. Oh yay. I need to finish that book tonight and I still like like 150 pages. So I have to write a rough draft by firday, plus write a *good* rough draft. Then I need to comple my stuff for Siocology, I guess over my 4 day weekend I set up all my info so all I have to do is watch fill in blanks and take those sheets and be able to type a nice good outline/rough draft. If I work my ass of for the rest of this year I could (in theory) graduate with all the people I love. I would be missing one real calss and senior project class. Still, if I did all my community service and my senior project they might let me do it during summer school. I'm kinda excited about the possiblity of being able to graduate in two years and before I turn 17... stuff like that makes me proud of myself. Seriously. It's this huge, great feat. I'm so scared of being "left behind" by all these people I love that it keeps my totally on edge. Blah! I need to go read now since, you know, I do wanna pass English this quarter.
miss sio loves you at 10/4/2000 11:51:08 PM
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tuesday__________
Ahh, I skipped today. Shame on me. I just kept on sleeping. Shame on me. Damn! I have such a headache. I wrote charlie an e-mail telling him I'm going to go freaking aneroxic(sp?) if my bank won't give me any damn money!(I have like 270 I can't touch because they haven't given me a real ATM card and my temporary one ran out of days! Grr!) I'm gonna have to hurt them. Oh yeah! Blah, gonna go eat. I feel like dying. Oh p.s. I so wanted to screw Buffy tonight. Her first outfit wa so sompletely sexy! Yum!
miss sio loves you at 10/3/2000 10:18:33 PM
When I saw his chest last night I was about to slobber *all* over myself! The girl which is the friend (Liz's blonde friend) I can't rember her name. But she looks *amazing* with long hair! She's so cute! Brendan Fher looks so yuckky with that haircut! I liked last seasons ten times more!
miss sio loves you at 10/3/2000 11:01:40 AM
omg..omg..omg...Jason Behr(Max from Roswell) is...soooooo.....hot. he is a GOD. i want him i want him i want him.
usagi chan loves you at 10/3/2000 12:01:31 AM
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