Spy on me

I've changed my blog over to Greymatter. The new URL is http://www.tehuti.com/blog/

3/25/2001 12:50:30 AM link

Saturday, March 24, 2001

I am the essence of Rose Solitude
my cheeks are laced with cognac
my hips seal with five satin nails
I carry dreams and romance of new fools and old flames
between the musk of fat
and the side pocket of my mink tongue

~ Jayne Cortez

3/24/2001 02:23:19 PM link

Monday, March 19, 2001

It's been 3 months since Scamper died and sometimes I fool myself into thinking the sorrow is fading. I stopped at a store tonight and the quickest route home took me by the lake I used to live by...the lake that Scamper and I walked around morning and night for years. Scamp loved that lake so - all those wonderous smells, the other dogs, the ducks and geese, the skunk, the deer, the cats...I felt him so close, could see him in my mind trotting around so proud and free and happy...I had to fight the tears, just as I'm fighting them now. I miss my baby so...

3/19/2001 09:34:02 PM link

This is for a friend - an inside joke between us...interpret at your own risk :)

Little Bitty Man

Little bitty man, little bitty man,
let your canary loose that wants to fly away.
I'm that canary, little bitty man,
let me go free.

I was in your cage, little bitty man,
little bitty man who gives me a cage.
I say little bitty man because you don't understand me
and never will.

Nor do I understand you, but meanwhile
open up the cage, for I want to be free.
Little bitty man, I loved you for half an hour.
Ask no more of me.

~ Alfonsina Storm



3/19/2001 09:10:04 PM link

Thursday, March 15, 2001

The wild March winds
--they swirled and whirled around us on a long ago day
The green lilt of Saint Paddy’s day
--Irish through and through
They remind me
it’s almost his birthday
--he’d be 58
The memories swirl within me
like the March winds

“And I’ll go to the other world with your name on my tongue,
and all their questions I’ll answer with your name
-- the judges and saints will understand nothing —
God will sentence me to repeating it endlessly and forever.”

~Gloria Fuertes

3/15/2001 01:20:39 AM link

Monday, March 12, 2001

Understand my silence. Please.

These words are my only message to you
the words preceeding
the words following
are not to you
are not for you
are not about you

It's over. I've moved on. You should too.

3/12/2001 11:18:31 PM link

Lookie what I found today (one thanks to the other):

Derek (aka the Love Strudel) is blogging again! And thanks to Derek, I've found the new website of the lovely Anathea, a very special teacosy mob alumni. I'm smiling :)

3/12/2001 08:28:12 PM link

Saturday, March 10, 2001

show me your face
i crave
flowers and gardens
open your lips
i crave
the taste of honey
come out from
behind the clouds
i desire a sunny face
your voice echoed
saying "leave me alone"
i wish to hear your voice
again saying "leave me alone"
i swear this city without you
is a prison
i am dying to get out
to roam in deserts and mountains
i am tired of
flimsy friends and
submissive companions
i die to walk with the brave
am blue hearing
nagging voices and meek cries
i desire loud music
drunken parties and
wild dance
one hand holding
a cup of wine
one hand caressing your hair
then dancing in orbital circle
that is what i yearn for
i can sing better than any nightingale
but because of
this city's freaks
i seal my lips
while my heart weeps
yesterday the wisest man
holding a lit lantern
in daylight
was searching around town saying
i am tired of
all these beasts and brutes
i seek
a true human
we have all looked
for one but
no one could be found
they said
yes he replied
but my search is
for the one
who cannot be found

~~rumi~~

3/10/2001 09:10:15 AM link

Friday, March 02, 2001

The enormous white Marble Rose stood alone in solitary splendor high above the deserted square where shadows stretched out to the infinite. And as she stood there alone beneath the sun and the stars, the marble rose reigned as Queen of Solitude.

The Glass Rose resonated with all the sounds of the seacoast. Not one sobbing, breaking wave failed to make her tremble, too. Around her fragile stem and transparent heart rainbows revolved with the stars.

~Desnos

3/2/2001 12:12:35 AM link

Thursday, March 01, 2001

I learned today that one of my former supervisor's is very ill...it does not sound good. She wasn't always easy to work for, but she "raised me right", I would not be where I am today without her high and tough standards, I learned much from her. Those days are long ago and far away...but so many memories are tied up in them...I'm not ready to lose yet another piece of my life...

3/1/2001 12:23:26 AM link

The interconnected relationships on CX are confusing, challenging, and sometimes heartbreaking. I don't like "choosing sides" and I don't like seeing people I care for being hurt.

3/1/2001 12:22:50 AM link

Saturday, February 24, 2001

“Who would you marry, your lover or your friend?”
“I would marry my soulmate...the only man I don’t have a picture of...”

paraphrased dialogue from How to Make an American Quilt

2/24/2001 01:15:52 PM link

Wednesday, February 21, 2001

Lesson for today: The importance is in the giving of love for the right reasons, not in the worthiness of the receiver, nor in the acceptance of that love.

2/21/2001 12:12:30 AM link

Tuesday, February 20, 2001

From the unfortunate name department: Adelaide Crapsey. Maybe it's just late but I laughed out loud at that one. She invented the cinquain and wrote some nice poetry though.

2/20/2001 12:30:29 AM link

A warning: it seems my ISP is using a spam-blocking system that has therealhouse.com "marked" as a spam offender, and thus is preventing me from receiving any email from therealhouse.com domain (and who knows what other domains). My default email is now jan@teacosy.net and should not be subjected to this "filtering" (which prevents my personal email from reaching me but lets a flood of true spam thru daily)...so if you've sent me anything and you've not gotten a reply, please resend to jan@teacosy.net

2/20/2001 12:28:00 AM link

Sunday, February 18, 2001

A new piece of cam art.

2/18/2001 04:03:07 PM link

Saturday, February 17, 2001

A new journal entry, Nudge

2/17/2001 03:23:59 AM link

Friday, February 16, 2001

Fragment Thirty-Six - Hilda Doolittle

I know not what to do: my mind is divided. - Sappho

I know not what to do,
my mind is reft:
is song’s gift best?
is love’s gift loveliest?
I know not what to do,
now sleep has pressed
weight on your eyelids.

Shall I break your rest,
devouring, eager?
Is love’s gift best?
nay, song’s the loveliest:
yet were you lost,
what rapture
could I take from song?
what song were left?

I know not what to do:
to turn and slake
the rage that burns,
with my breath burn
and trouble your cool breath?
so shall I turn and take
snow in my arms?
(is love’s gift best?)
yet flake on flake
of snow were comfortless,
did you lie wondering,
wakened yet unawake.

Shall I turn and take
comfortless snow within my arms?
press lips to lips
that answer not,
press lips to flesh
that shudders not nor breaks?

Is love’s gift best?
shall I turn and slake
all the wild longing?
O I am eager for you!
as the Pleiads shake
white light in whiter water
so shall I take you?

My mind is quite divided,
my minds hesitate,
so perfect matched,
I know not what to do:
each strives with each
as two white restlers
standing for a match,
ready to turn and clutch
yet never shake muscles nor nerve nor tendon;
so my mind waits
to grapple with my mind,
yet I lie quiet,
I would seem at rest.

I know not what to do:
strain up strain,
sound surging upon sound
makes my braid blind;
as a wave-line may wait to fall
yet (waiting for its falling)
still the wind may take
from off its crest,
white flake on flake of foam,
that rises,
seeming to dart and pulse
and rend the light,
so my mind hesitates
above the passion
quivering yet to break,
so my mind hesitates
above my mind,
listening to song’s delight.

I know not what to do:
will the sound break,
rending the night
with rift on rift of rose
and scattered light?
Will the sound break at last
as the wave hesitant,
or will the whole night pass
and I lie listening awake?

2/16/2001 10:53:08 PM link

Listening to a piece on cloning - and one of the little possibilities they threw out was cloning the family pet. If I could clone Scamper would I? A clone would look like Scamp no doubt. Would bark like him I bet. But would a clone make that little oof noise he did? Would a clone bounce against a door like he did: bounce-thump, bounce-thump, bounce-thump? Would a clone paw like he did when he wanted something? Would a clone like to push a big hard plastic ball around and around and around the room? Would a clone think pup-a-roni was manna from heaven? Would a clone love a windy day and a kleenex to rip up into little pieces, so that he could then chase them as they fluttered in the wind? Would a clone be a born papa to puppies and kittens? Would a clone *be* the Scamper I knew and loved? I don’t believe so...for I believe Scamper has a soul and it was that soul that loved and was loved. Scamper was a pure-bred Silkie Terrier...I can find a dog that looks like him, clone or not...but Scamper was a unique being of love that cannot be duplicated, and I can only be thankful I had the precious time with him that I did.

2/16/2001 10:50:40 PM link