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martingrimes.com is a useless website. expect martingrimes.com affilate site www.sircadillac.com to be running in 2002. 
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Monday, September 17, 2001
should we just build em up just like they were before? ed koch says yes, martin's dad isnt so sure. ed koch points out that we already have the blueprints , but my dad worries that some things are just too appealing as targets. read about it
today i went back to south manhattan for the first time since the massacre. the side of lower manhattan near my place is still closed, and my favorite subway station is under wtc, so i had to take a ferry, and go around southern manhattan to the brooklyn side and enter from the east. everything west of broadway is closed, so i couldnt really get up in there and see the rubble. the parts i did go to were still sorta weird though. there was a lot of white dust around still, and many peeps were wearing those masks. i thought the masks were sorta unnecessary, but then i sorta started tasting the dust myself and wanted one too. they say we are at war, and downtown today it certainly seemed like we were, there was a huge police/military presence. a military guy even stopped me for id, and i wasnt even doing anything or going inside anywhere, just walking. on the ferry they had a uniformed federal agent dude looking for bombs every time we left the dock. it kinda sucks that we have to be so serious about security now, i feel like i live in jerusalem now. cant those islamic terrorists go the hell back to russia? when you are on the boat and you the rubble is obscured by other buildings, it looks like somebody took a picture and photoshopped the wtc out of the image. they say in the paper today that the wtc by itself had more office space than the entire city of austin. so much more in fact that you have to throw in san diego's office space to catch up. are they gonna make up all the baseball games? i hope barry bonds gets a chance for the record. why does everyone hate that guy so much? he is awesome, i hope he crushes that muscle freak roid rage monster mcgwire's record. Friday, September 14, 2001
on the twin towers everyone i have talked to has agreed with me on this point: those two beautiful towers had somehow become more than just buildings to us. they were like a safety blanket that you looked to for grounding. whenever you were out in new jersey or manhattan, you always sought them out at least once, just to get your bearings. they held your fascination no matter how many times you looked at them. they seemed inconceivably hardcore- their very existence a challenge to the laws of physics. they were the products of the ingenious american mind; erected by unwavering american muscle. i can hardly stand to see the pictures of them as they stood before this. Thursday, September 13, 2001
Right after the first collapse as i stood looking at the smoking rubble across the river, i actually tried to make myself wake up. Didn't work.
Titanic was a very moving drama. I can see how some unnamed parties may have teared up a little when the great ship went down.
my big thing is i always see the news from middle east wherever, and its always so brutal, i wonder how people can go about their lives knowing some suicide bomber is gonna blow up the bus they are on, or behead their grandaughter or whatever. i always think to myself how americans cry like little girls when they are on a reality tv show and dont see their sister for like 3 weeks, or on real world they bawl about every little detail of their journey of self discovery, while in the sudan they still have slavery and the middle east is constant killing . i mean in america i see people whining that they still need reparations for slavery, or that it makes them cry to hear white people say nigger, or i am in the theater and half the crowd is sobbing at titanic, and i think what an easy life we all have. in america people are so hypersensitive i am amazed, and i am really fascinated by the reactions to something that is actually bad. its weird that in america something has finally happened that even to me seems to be pretty disturbing, so i dont know how anyone else can take it. scott and i agreed that it was so surreal, that if instead of the crash being the first thing we saw, we just walked up and saw the collapse, we would have actually questioned whether we were dreaming. i guess partly because it was still pretty early after we woke up. today scott and i were thinking it would really make things a little more lighhearted if the news report was like this: the main thing i think of when i hear the word smoosh is happy whimsical stuff like marshmallows or koosh balls. disaster has noticeably slowed the internet here, and even my site had 114 hits wednesday. Wednesday, September 12, 2001
oh, why cant live i live in a beautiful robot taken over world. man, you really sound shaken up, martin. i dont know enough about the history of the region but i seem to have sympathy for israel for some reason. maybe, i shouldnt but they always seemed to be the one bastion of good in that wretched region. also i think we support israel for strategic oil interests, which our important i guess. over/under for american counterstrike 4 days. i think that very soon there will be some firebombing and destruction raining.
Flash of Reverence at martingrimes.com Appreciated I can't tell you how relieved I was to click onto this site and read that all of my NY/NJ McKinley peeps were safe. I knew that Martin and Scott were often up in that WTC so I started thinking the worst. I was going to type some shit about why the Islamic world hates the US, but I'm just too mad and irrational right now.
it isnt' just me and paul and a pack of renegade moron scientists that anticipate the coming of the powerful robots. stephen hawking recently stated: "computers double in their efficiency every 18 months. so the danger is real that they could develop intelligence and take over the world." its about time mr hawking came around. i had assumed he was anti-bot because he has worked closely with the leader of anti-robot intelligence physicists, roger penrose. hawking said that he when was advocating genetic research as a way to improve humans. thats another thing i am all for. given the stupity of religion and the fallacious assumption that human beings have any real value other than our own feelings that we have value, i think we should understand that genetic and artificial intelligence research should merely be viewed as a natural evolution of things. as far as the middle east goes, and as i pointed out recently in my post titled "this just in, middle east sucks", the main thing we need to do is not take sides or bother with either of those bunches of savages. our support of israel is what gets us killed, and as much as we cant allow ourselves to be threatened and bombed into doing things, we definitely should have no support for israel. we cant be involved, we cant become a place like jerusalem where you get blown up for no reason all the time. i fear we have already been so pro-israel that we really screwed ourselves into something far too volatile for us to handle. i am merely bored when i see bombings on tv, but i become much more concerned with they blow up stuff while i watch. boycotting the racism summit in order to support israel is absurd. as scott loves to point out, israel and zionists are crazy full of hate. like the irish peeps hassling catholic kids on their way to school, these a-rabs are stupidly violent for the cause of their moronic religions. i wish i hadnt funded these attacks with all my purchases of middle eastern food downtown. all we can do is wait until a MUTOC cycle comes and religious foolishness slows down, and remember to program to the robots to self destruct the first time they become even slightly religious. allah is not ackbar at all. (i am so stupid, there is definitely an arab with a gym bag full of dynamite with my name on it now.)
im pretty sure now they are saying the Penn plane was not shot down. there was possibly some type of coup that resulted in the plane crashing. nick, i dont agree with you about not sorting it out. the issues are more than they just hate each other. the palenstines were evicted from there land that was given to the israelis. and that land is very important because it is the holy land (opinion: less religion, much less problems). the US has been supporting the israelis in their actions against the palenstines (mostly money and military equipment). so really we are just as much their enemies. its really the same as the afghan gov giving support to the terrorists. im not supporting the terrorists but we have to realize that we have made decisions that have put us at risk. not to mention we have done a good bit of bullying in the middle east area for a long time now. because we have to protect our oil supplies. right now we are bombing iraq and not letting them have nuclear power and embargoing food and shit. of course i support saddam not having nucs, but you can understand how the middle east sees that as american bullying. will bombing anybody really matter? there obviously not scared to die for their cause. bombing may just escalate to more terroism, what can we do? if you bomb afganistan into the stone ages what have you really accomplished, you just raised them up an age do you want a ground war in afghanistan? the russians had their vietnam there, with the US assisting the afghans. i would be really surprised if some of the terroists wasnt at one time trained by the US.
The first thing I thought of when I heard about the Penn. plane was that it was shot down but then some eyewitnesses indicated otherwise. Still, it's possible I guess, eyewitnesses are notoriously unreliable. With regard to not trying to sort it out... I can only imagine that most of the people celebrating around the world know only that they hate the US but not exactly why. They never took the time to sort it out. They just do what they were taught to do. I'd hate for us to fall into that same category. Don't get me wrong, I'm on board with whatever punishment is coming, I just think it will be a short term solution.
they actually have started playing an amateur video of the first plane. also, they've found some better views of the second one. in one of them, you can clearly see that the plane enters it's full length into the building before there is any explosion. it really is unsettling. muse, i'm really starting to think that the pennsylvania plane was shot down by u s military sources. for one, i believe that the terrorists were experienced pilots and were fully in charge of the flying. for two, notice how the pa crash is hardly being discussed at all. there just is no mention of why it might have gone down. i do know that the official order was all planes to be grounded, and those that remained were to be shot out of the air. i will die believing that no american pilots would have flown into the wtc, no matter what duress they were under. i think they would have been more likely to say "fuck you i'll put it down in the river before i kill all those people". i'm really sure that the hijackers were flying the planes. also, muse, don't try to sort it out. everyone hates everyone and there's no rationality behind any of it. all i know is when you see the footage of the adults in palestine encouraging the children to celebrate such evil, you are dealing with a culture of death and destruction that does not want peace at all. in bush's speech, he said something to the effect of "we will not make a distinction between the perpetrators and the harborers", which basically means, "if we can establish even the most razor thin connection between this and any official government, then we will basically bomb those places until we will be saying things like "didn't some place called libya used to be here?". Tuesday, September 11, 2001
Atlanta was pretty much the same as Houston. They closed everything and evacuated anywhere that large groups of people might gather. I think that no one knew how localized the attacks would be so just to be safe they closed everything down. I was definitely surprised that no footage of the first crash turned up on TV. The pilot who put his plane into the ground in Pennsylvania gets props for being hardcore. Just imagine the burden on that guy's conscience as he decided what to do. So hardcore. So, maybe some of you guys know history better than me, but here's how I understand it: After WWII there were lots of displaced jews so the world decided they should live in Israel, displacing the Palestinians that were already there. Some of them (Palestinians that is) got pissed and (along with sympathetic Muslims in other countries) have been using terrorism ever since to draw attention to their plight. They're especially pissed at the US because we support Israel (by treaty) and make a good scapegoat because we're a large, powerful country that's predominantly non-Muslim. That's what I got out of world history in 10th grade. Am I missing anything? If not, then it seems to me that we can go around crushing terrorists and the governments that support them, but more will just keep coming back until the whole Israel/Palestine issue is resolved and they no longer have a purpose to fight for. At the same time, I believe that the US was never really happy to have been required to support Israel and has been working to establish peace in the region for decades now to get out from under that burden, so anyone attacking the US under the aforementioned pretenses is misguided at best. What a tangled web. What's the responsible thing to do? I used to have extremely liberal friends who frequently expounded at great lengths about how the US has no enemies at all and thus no need for a military of any kind. I wonder what they're thinking now. On the other hand, I'll bet that the idea of terrorists stealing planes and crashing them into buildings never occurred to anyone. I wonder if the larger defense budget that I've heard politicians lobbying for all day would have really made any difference. I mean, how can you defend against something that you've never even considered defending against. I've been watching coverage all day and it still seems unreal; far-fetched, like something out of a bad movie. I wonder if they'll ever rebuild the WTC.
even if scott and i had gotten to World Trade before it was reduced to rubble, we probably would have been fine, and had time to run away before the collapse. now we have nothing to do at work because the wtc path station is probably debris. while scott and i saw pretty damn good view of the second explosion, i would be interested to hear from chapman or lars. the initial sight of one tower where there was 2 before was so freaky. people at work were definitely emotionally jarred. when i first walked out of my building and i saw the fire, it really didnt seem like a big deal. i assumed that it was just some dumbass that had crashed into the building. that happened to the empire state building a long time ago. but then when we were standing on the waterfront, and the second plane hit, it became apparent that it was a terrorist attack. we mostly thought that another bomb had leveled it, but now i guess the fire made it collapse. either way, the sight and sound of the fireball when it got punished by the plane was pretty unforgettable. i was still putting my pants on when the first one hit, so i missed it. i bet some footage of it will turn up. at no time when i i walk around downtown are there any less than 60 japanese people pointing video cameras in every direction, and i know there was a webcam somewhere pointed at it. i guess it is pretty weird that the night before they blew, i discussed tall buildings and the wtc and even posted of a pic of them to admire. all day i couldnt see downtown well. i imagine it will be pretty shocking when i wake up tomorrow to see the skyline minus the 2 monsters i used to so enjoy looking at.
Even Houston is in a high state of emergency. Tons of downtown buildings are closed. They isolated NASA. Now they're evacuating some chemical plants and oil refineries around here. Not my plant, though. I guess they're thinking of a hardcore onslaught of all these plants down the Houston Ship Channel. I went home for lunch to watch the news. One of the videos is from street level and it looks just like Independence Day where people are running frantically down the street and there's a cloud of billowing smoke chasing them. This is so brutal. They say we're at war. How are we at war when we don't even know who we're fighting against? I guess we're in a state of defense...or just a state of sit and wait for something else. sick.
if you can, i think maybe you should try to go somewhere and give blood. they have started asking for it.
if you are watching tv, then you are probably looking at the exact same view across the river that i am. look at the left hand side, and see if you don't think that other tall building is on fire. in my opinion, it's too thick of a cloud to be residual dust. several of my friends at the amex experienced some pretty dramatic stuff. everyone seems to be alright, though. another plane has just crashed somewhere
By far the most hard-core thing i have ever been associated with. I was on my way to work which is just across the river for the wtc when i see everybody looking and pointing. I look to see what all the fuss is about and see one of the towers on fire. It looked like the top 20 floors where engulfed. It was so surreal. I didn't know what to make of it and try to think what could have happened. Some guy said he saw a plane fly into it. I immediately discounted this as an exageration or lie. But everyone else said that it had just exploded so maybe it was true. Then martin showed up and was equally amazed. as we talked and looked the second tower blew up right in front of our faces. It was such a big explosion, i could hardly believe it. I didn't see the plane hit it but i could see a huge fireball just swallow the top half of the tower. everyone else had seen the plane this time though, so i was now a believer. we went in to work to find out what to do when some guy from the back came running by screaming "holy shit it fell over. the whole tower went down, holy shit". We ran to the windows and it was just gone. the building was then evacuated so we came home and watched the other one go down. I really hope we crush the hell out of whoever did this.
evidently, now, the area right outside my building is one of the prime spots for evacuation. ferries are dumping load after load of people right outside here. they are hosing some of the people off, presumably because of all the debris. i have talked to 2 people firsthand that were there when it happened. one saw people jumping in the river. the other saw people leaping from high up in the trade center.
I guess I spoke too soon about those engineers high fiving each other... damn. Thank god you guys are ok. My first thoughts as I saw the WTC fall were of you guys. Keep us posted on chapman's status.
when i walked down to the riverfront the first one is flaming and everyone is gawking and we cant believe it. and i cant see the edge of the other tower on my right. the plane comes in from the side i cant see. but i see flames shooting out in a big fireball on the side to my left. people standing to my left didnt have their view blocked and they saw this huge commercial jet just plowing in to it. at first i am dumbfounded because the one that blows up is not the one that is on fire, but then people tell me about the plane i didnt see. it was really just surreal. people are crying and frantic to call their friends and everything. so then i go inside and we are all listening to the radio, and a guy from work runs in and says "it toppled!", so we run to the window and just across the way where we always admire the monster towers, its just dust, and only one tower. seeing one where there was 2 just minutes before is barely comprehensible. the skyline is just completely different. i go outside again and look across again and now cops make us leave the riverfront. southern manhattan is just dust. i walk over to my apt and turn on the news and the other one topples. the amount of destruction of these guys toppling is so incredible its unbelievable. basically every day scott and i walk in and around world trade constantly. i cant imagine what all the places so familar to me look like now.
chapman is still unaccounted for. i just got word that lars and head and chris and chris' wife are ok. i was in bed, and i thought i heard some thunder in my stupor. 10 minutes later, i looked out the window, and it was really sunny. i was perplexed, but not enough to wake up completely. chapman called me to tell me to turn the tv on. i suspect the thunder i heard was the second jet. i watched both of the towers collapse in real time from right outside my window. i have taken almost an entire roll of film of the catastrophe.
Thanks for letting us know you guys are ok. I realized when watching the news that I didn't know your actual proximity to this craziness from work or home.
me and cicero and scott are ok, we think most people we know are ok, not sure yet.. scott and i saw the second explosion from the plane. i came out for work this morning, and one was on fire and i walked down to the riverfront and then the plane plowed into the other one, i cant believe this. me and scott go to the WTC many times per day and were gonna go there this morning after we got into work. now we wont be working for while i think downtown where we all work is just rubble. there are war jets defending town. this is the most serious thing i have ever heard of. i cannot believe they both toppled, this is just incredible. more later.
holymotherfuckingshit Anyone read the washington post today? you guys live there though, maybe you saw it firsthand? ironic that you were just discussing tall buildings. I guess they were right in my engineering class when they said that those buildings were built to withstand being crashed into by a 737. I'll bet that the engineers responsible for that are patting each other on the back right now. Or is this just another urban legend gone haywire? Monday, September 10, 2001
more tall buildings and bridges the cn tower's claim to fame was always just that it was the world's tallest structure. i therefore feel that we can characterize the canadians as a much less shifty bunch than those "we-a count-a spi-a as-a paht of-a tall-a building" malaysians. all of this reminds me of the story (which i long thought was an urban legend, but i have seen too many pictures and film to not believe it anymore) of the contest for world's tallest building back in the 1920's or so. the woolworth building and the chrysler building were being erected at the same time, and they were both making the claim that they would be the tallest, once completed. well, the woolworth peeps finished, and it really looked like they had won. they had their ribbon cutting and everything, and the height was officially established. so, the guy over at the chrysler building had his workers pull out that huge spire (which they had been hiding in the elevator shafts) and erect it, thus putting them over the top. i'll bet the woolworth guy felt like the teacher who'd seen where her doughnuts had really been. another thing is, why do foreigners always name shit so stupid? for instance, the world's 3rd tallest building is the jin mao building in shanghai. jin mao means, literally "much gold". can you imagine if the empire state building was the "much gold building"? this same stupidity really applies to injun names like "dances with wolves". in america, the best beer-guzzler in your fraternity is called perhaps "keg man" or "the funnel". i can only guess that in navajo fraternities he is called something like "he who stands ground against fire water with no fear".
tall buildings in my continuing effort to be quirky, i like tall buildings. mark and i have talked about the debate over what makes a building the tallest in the world, and we agree that the sears tower is the tallest, no matter what they say in malaysia. the sears tower and the world trade towers are both 110 stories high, but the sears tower is taller, and has higher occupied floors. the petronas towers look awesome and those malaysian bastards like to claim they are the tallest, but those shifty yellow cretins are liars. they are only taller if you count spires, which are empty, but you can go inside. please, you cant count spires. if you are gonna count spires, you might as well count antennas, and make world trade the tallest, or even cn tower. i dont think so, sears tower is the tallest. so there are 4 things i guess you could pay attention to, relative to building height: - Height to the structural or architectural top. (petronas towers) the CN tower toronto is taller than any of these, but is basically just a big antenna. the most relevant thing by far is occupied floors. anybody can throw a bunch of extraneous nonsense on top and claim they are taller, thats no good. to illustrate what i mean about spires not counting look at this chart. petronas towers have a skywalk between buildings between floors 41-42 and that is cool, but they cant match the beautiful dual rock chunk no-nonsense architecture of the WTC. someone i know (mark i think) says they wish somebody would use the 2 wtc towers as a foundation for another crusher. building engineers say the limit for building height is really far away, and there are currently bunches of buildings in design that would dwarf these bad boys. in hong kong they are planning a thing called the "super terrific bionic fun tower". nah just kidding its just called the "bionic tower". anyways it is supposedly going to be around 300 stories, which is far far taller than i ever would have thought could ever be built in the next 500 years. this leads back to paul's point that it sucks we have to be alive before the robots and the technology and smart nanoclouds. just look at those things dominate. seriously, look how big, its not like those relatively tiny buildings are scrubs. i think i am gonna need backup.
congratulations to dj smudge and me for beating chapman and scott in week one of the poindexter league. my unnecessary surgeons squeaked past chapman's delpit drive stealers, and paul's "i'll be here all week" team will edge out scott's jerk squadron in tonight's MNF. in other news, another thing that is pretty cool is that japanese looking bridge near graham's place in houston. go saints. Saturday, September 08, 2001
martin, why cant martin grimes.com be produced by black criminal productions. therby maintaining the beautiful old logo. why dont you set up a constant camera in your apartment, then we could have a much less interesting more homosexual big brother show? why dont you make up some semi-outlandish story and start telling people it and see if you can create an urban myth. nick k-f, post some funny stories of your stanford experience so far. muse, brother dick doughnut story not true, urban myth. nick cicero, why the constant boycotting? mike, your dirty backroom dealings with the ethically questionable commissioner of the nfl pick pool wont help you pull out a victory this year. you will be smashed. Friday, September 07, 2001
dont forget to make your office pool picks before sunday. you can even still join if you wanted. the new album from system of a down has some good stuff on it. i like the first single, "chop suey" alot. another song i like is midnight train to georgia. i like the lesser known version of it though, the version performed by scott and mark. you may have noticed the pic of scott and the bastards has improved, it used to be washed out, but now it looks better. kathryn fixed it, she knows how to do that stuff. i wonder if she knows how to make a logo for www.martingrimes.com. if she did, i would hope it would look scary. once mark made a logo for my now defunct company, black criminals productions. BCP went down many months ago in the recent downturn in internet technology companies. no joke though alot of my old files were lost when free webspace provider theglobe.com fell apart. the logo survived though.  i used to have a webcam, it would run a new pic of inside my apt everday, and overwrite the last one, this is the last pic it took, from a year ago. it shows my old apt, with my head and a star wars droid r5 d4. that figure had a bad motivator. anyways the webcam is broken, but i think i can fix it. Wednesday, September 05, 2001
i took a folklore class at LSU. for a week or 2 we talked about urban legends. so many people in the class claimed the legends we talked about in class happened in their hometowns. thats the weird thing about urban legends. like the muse mentioned, some of them very well might have happened, but the specific stories you hear always have the details filled in with a contemporary celebrity, or a nearby location or whatever. my question about urban legends is always who makes them up? i guess muse is right, maybe something super super slightly like the legend actually happens, and then the details are all made up in passing of the story. in my class we talked alot about the guy who wrote the books about UL's that cicero and i have read. i asked my teacher about who makes em up, and she didnt really know either. what i think would be interesting is if someone documented themselves making up and spreading an urban legend. (on another note a guy just called looking for "guthro" yeah really, guthro? is that he-man's brother?). i dont believe i have ever told anyone an urban legend and believed it myself, but nick fogel told that story about the kid who said "you fat bitch" in court, which i believe but has been downgraded. i definitely think that many urban legends must have happened for real at some point, they had to have eh? i dunno if i believe the nerf football one though, it sounds about as legendy as stories get. mark is lucky enough to get new urban legends from work sometimes, while i havent heard one in a while. as far as copycat urban legend performing goes, i dont see why that wouldnt happen, although muse i think you should ask your bro really specific questions about his donut caper to make sure he wasnt just saying crap just to say it. the spreads for the office pool come out on wednesdays, so go ahead and make pics for week one. if any of you wanna build any webstuff, just for fun, you can borrow sircadillac.com for as long as you want. more fun to have an easy name than like http://geocities.com/skeletor65/guthro77.htm paul and nick are correct, the fourth harry potter is the best. i wouldnt read it without reading the others first. seems like it is pretty long for a child's book also. Sunday, September 02, 2001
Damn, how is it that I never knew about martin's urban legend page? Very entertaining. So who was the hardcore idiot that told you the insects eating through skull story? I think that it's possible for things that really happened to get listed as legends because they seem so unlikely. Like all those cases where people have been impaled by fenceposts and pipes and stuff but still lived. I saw a show on TV a week or so ago about lots of cases like that. I'll bet that people out there believe that all those stories are legends. Also, I think sometimes people are inspired to do things because they've heard of the legend. For example, I earnestly believe that my brother committed the donut joke on his 7th grade history teacher. We discussed his plans to do it. And I saw the box of donuts and the upside down poloroids in the bottom of the box. Of course, I never actually saw the contents of the polaroids, because hey, I didn't want to see my brother's schlong. It must be legend though since I have no actual proof of the event. I'll bet also, that some legends are based on actual occurances, but the facts get exaggerated so much that the story is no longer accurate. Like the dog/peanut butter one, I can see maybe a chick coming home, maybe she went jogging after work or something and took off her sweaty clothes in the living room and was embarassed to find people hiding in her bedroom. Then later someone added the dog and the peanut butter because the story just wasn't really that funny otherwise. I remember a few years ago when Nick Cicero was all about urban legends. It was great. He told us about 50 of them on the way to Atlantic City. He had gotten to where he just didn't believe any story that anyone told him anymore and even doubted things he had seen himself. He summed it up saying: "My firsthand experience is just hearsay." Kirk Beeson told me a story that may be an urban legend since a friend of his told him. Allegedly an very stoned guy was taken from a rave to the emergency room, complaining of a stomach ache where the doctors found that someone had crammed a nerf football up his butt. Then later the cops brought a guy in who had several nerf footballs hidden under a large jacket for the stoned guy to identify as the culprit. Somehow that just sounds like a legend to me. On the other hand, I was waiting in a dentists office in New Orleans, reading a Discover magazine when I ran across an article called "Portraits of Pain", containing dozens of crazy x-rays. In one of them a guy had somehow managed to get a mason jar into his ass. I tend to believe that one since it was documented in a credible magazine and because I think people like to do strange things to their asses. Seeing that x-ray makes me want to believe the nerf story.  look at that guy with the bass. the same guy is also on the lead page of the bands website. click the image below
Saturday, September 01, 2001
unlike all the ridiculous searches that lead to this page, my old urban legends list actually provides people with what they are looking for. in fact i think i have helped many an internet surfer with their curiousity about a specific urban legend they were interested in. so many thanks to me for enlightening people about the following topics: Google: exploding bellies seagulls
KAHN-FOGEL GOES TO TOMBSTONE, ASKS THE RHETORICAL QUESTION, "WHO IS YOUR HUCKLEBERRY?" Renowned gunslinger Nick "Ken" Kahn-Fogel took a detour during his drive out to California to see famed old-West town, Tombstone, Arizona. Upon finding the O.K. Corral, site of the famous gun battle between the Earp and Clanton factions in the 1880s, Kahn-Fogel tried to locate the exact spot where the real Doc Holliday may have asked who his huckleberry was. Kahn-Fogel then repeated the famous question aloud, waiting to see if any takers would emerge from the dustblown street. When after several minutes no one had stepped up to confront Kahn-Fogel's challenge, the regretful tough guy uttered his disappointment that no one was willing to play for blood, about which Kahn-Fogel has gone on record as saying, "That's just my game." Gazing once more at the fateful site of the famous gun battle, Kahn-Fogel hurriedly crossed the street to the Shell Station to buy a candy bar and see if there was any orange Gatorade available. Thursday, August 30, 2001
midget brings about mixed emotions for grimes martin grimes saw a midget midgeting her little way through the world trade center today, and it left him in a confusing emotional state of bliss/pity. mr grimes was quoted as saying "she was so little and funny, waddling up to the steps on the escalator, barely reaching the moving handrail thingy. i wanted to point and laugh, because of course it was hilarious, but then i thought how much it sucked for her to have everything so relatively huge and unmanageable. i was sad for a second, but then she loooked so stupid, using her disproportionate little body parts to hop precariously off the escalator, heehee!" this is martins first midget sighting since he saw that comically evil little gnome guy on a bicycle in hoboken. Tuesday, August 28, 2001
In reference to the poll I remember seeing Nick dance in Grease. I can't imagine how anything could beat that...ass. a story
And the Freak Goes On Mark's story reminds me of a little incident that happened a few years back in Houston. Mark, Mike, some of their friends from work and I were at the earth day festival/concert they had down there. We were hanging out, drinking beer and watching the bands performed when I spotted a group of older ladies sitting off to the side of the main crowd. They weren't terribly old, about 55 or so I guess, but they seemed out of place and I thought we should have a little fun with them. So i say to mark "Hey mark, i'll give you 20 bucks if you go over there and freak those old ladies hard-core". I expected he would just laugh or say "why don't YOU go fool"? But he must have had plenty of beer in him or was really horny or something cause all he did was look at me with the sassiest expression i have ever seen and said "Let's do this shit".
DAT Mike, I'll find the DAT and send it out to that ass. I saw it about a month ago when I was rearranging some stuff in my basement. I'm sure it's still there. I was actually thinking about all that jammage we created back then a few days ago. I have tapes and CD's galore of the stuff I did with the guys in ruston, but the only face recordings I have are tapes from mark's attic and that DAT which I have no way of listening to. It would be awesome to get it converted to a listenable format. Maybe Jim would be interested in a copy as well... I just reread that last paragraph and noticed how funny it would be if "it" in the 2nd and 3rd sentence refered to "that ass" instead of "the DAT".
one last freak kahn-fogel got one last freak out of his system this weekend before beginning his new life among the elite. cicero, kf, and paul came to houston this past weekend enroute to jersey and cali. Saturday, 4 or 5 of my neighbors were sitting outside of my apartment in front of my living room window. I live in a corner apartment so sitting in front of their apartment and mine is pretty much the same thing. Padra has this big plastic air-filled bouncy ball that she uses for therapy that's in my apartment. We're all tossing it around and cicero asks kf how much money it would take to take the ball, go outside and throw it at one of those dudes as hard as he could. kf said alot. cicero put up 100 and paul put up 90 and I didn't want my neighbors to hate me. kf said he couldn't do it so of course we had to find something that he would do. so cicero changed it to going out there in silence then stand there directly in front of them with arms wide open and say "Presenting!!!...", then start dancing for 20 seconds and stop. Then slap his ass while saying "BOW!". Also, he couldn't explain why he did what he did. Paul put up 20, cicero put up 20, and I once again wasn't so psyched about the possiblity of pissing off my slightly white trash neighbors. But deep down I wanted to see this guy play his leg like a guitar. So kf works up the nerve, goes out there, sets his watch to 20 seconds says, presenting, and the precedes to perform some extremely fly moves. I mean he's kicking, jerking, and slapping his own face at the same time. Halfway through, he looks down at his watch, then keeps on going. We're of course all on the ground in my living room screaming. So he stops and screams bow resulting in scattered applause. He introduces himself and one of the guys goes inside, comes out and gives Nick a beer for his effort. They ask him what the hell that beautiful shit was and he says he can't tell them. Paul immediately goes outside and gives kf a 20 and they tell them about the bet. nick tells them about the ball-throw bet that would have got him 190 and they couldn't believe that he didn't take it. They would have been happy to receive a ball to the head for that. That's pretty much it, and boy was it sweet. We figured he had to get that out of his system before he goes to cali and has to act like an adult for a while. I think its clear where my vote lies in the latest poll. Monday, August 27, 2001
victory certain what is this "possibly" preparing to defend my title shit? I am more ready than ever. And this time I will not win on a technicality. it will be pure skill. but i am not going to join your fantasy football thing. paul needs to win something. this next part is for the muse only - do you remember what we did with the dat recording we made at eddie's studio? I know this guy that can transfer it to cd. if you don't have it, i think i will give him the cassette tape copy I have and let him clean it up and transfer it to cd. anyone want a copy?
parents find website, grimes now joins kahn-fogel as a guy scared of being seen as a jackass. monday it was realized that this website was discovered by martin gimes' parents. this comes as unfortunate news, given all the ridiculous language, and stupid things we have to say. it is hoped that the grimes family will forget the web address for the site, although that is unlikely.
i saw jay and silent bob strike back saturday, it was funny. it had so may cameos and pop culture references i could barely keep up. most of the characters from the other movies were in it, and even sometimes 2 characters had to be played by the same actor. i guess i will give it a b. like ost movies, it degenerated towards the end, but thats ok. i need to rent memento, so i can understand it, i still am not sure who was the bad guy, even after mark sorta explained it to me. Friday, August 24, 2001
here are a few of my favorite recent searches: 22 Aug, Wed, 08:30:18 Google: her thirst for splooge 23 Aug, Thu, 21:32:48 Google: definition of splooge 24 Aug, Fri, 08:21:00 Google: georgia sumo bot competition schedule home - ? martin grimes et al. 2001 - old post archives |
jay and silent bob kinda funny
