latitude11

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*Archives*

7/13/2000 8:29:36 PM I'm going to stay in san francisco with some friends. I'm not sure for how long.. Jodi is coming with me but we're bringing her back tomorrow. How am I spossed to stay and watch this shit happen? It's right in my backyard.. where am I to go? I'm taking my computer with me.. foogie will be on another network soon and i'm just going to chill with friends and not deal with jennifer dex jennicam streaming sex being fucked over feeling like shit and self loathing. .

7/13/2000 2:02:19 PM *All that you have is your soul, Tracy Chapman*

Oh my mama told me
'Cause she say she learned the hard way
Say she wanna spare the children
She say don't give or sell your soul away
'Cause all that you have is your soul

Don't be tempted by the shiny apple
Don't you eat of a bitter fruit
Hunger only for a taste of justice
Hunger only for a world of truth
'Cause all that you have is your soul

I was a pretty young girl once
I had dreams I had high hopes
I married a man he stole my heart away
He gave his love but what a high price I paid
And all that you have is your soul

Why was I such a young fool
Thought I'd make history
Making babies was the best I could do
Thought I'd made something that could be mine forever
Found out the hard way one can't possess another
And all that you have is your soul

I thought thought that I could find a way
To beat the system
To make a deal and have no debts to pay
I'd take it all take it all I'd run away
Me for myself first class and first rate
But all that you have is your soul

Here I am waiting for a better day
A second chance
A little luck to come my way
A hope to dream a hope that I can sleep again
And wake in the world with a clear conscience and clean hands
'Cause all that you have is your soul

All that you have
All that you have
All that you have
Is your soul
http://www.latitude11.com/music/yoursoul.mp3

7/13/2000 1:57:06 PM On June 23rd I wrote about going to see Bela Fleck and having an incident that for a second got me sad. I had seen a long time friend at the show as well, someone I had known fondly since High School when we would play music together and shared each others company many times. Last year when Dex and I had broken up, he had moved in with this mutual same friend. Very shortly after moving in, Dex started sleeping with this friends girlfriend. And he hurt this friend very very deeply. And he hurt me very very deeply. And God knows he swears how much he himself was a victim.. and hurting as well. In the mess of this incident I lost my friendship with this guy. Dex would often run into this friend and this friend would turn and look the other way and not acknowledge Dex.. I can identify with his hurt so much more now then I did then.. never knowing my compassion for him could grow any more for the way his life was effected, turned upside down and then dex bailing on him and running back to me and me believing his promises of being fixed and finding his love.. I haven't seen Dex since he dropped me off at the hospital. He never called to see how I was, and I took a cab home because no one could/would/wanted to pick me up. I don't want to see Dex .. it won't bring me anything but pain. Nothing he could ever say would be any sort of comfort. I'm scared the day I have to see him again.. I think I have to eventually, I need to get his name off my checking account, he needs to get the rest of his stuff out, and so I'm going to have to find a place to stay while he comes in and does that. I *will* get through this, I *always* drive forward through life... i come out with my head held high and proud.. eventually... after I clean the spots left by pieces removed and repair other pieces left broken and stepped on. dear god,.. please keep all my enemies away... and please keep my sadness and lonliness at bay...

6/27/2000 11:56:42 PM I watched two of the most excellent shows on PBS last night. The first, was the second in a series of three episodes of '1900 House'. Filmed in London, in 1999, a turn of the century home was refurbished to be identicale to a 1900 home. An average midclass family was selected to live in the home for 3 months and strictly follow the 1900 lifestyle. The *only* modern appliance were a few camera's in confessional closets for the family to use as a video diary. Daaannng, lucky me, I get to fill my vouyeristic fix, and compine it with my love of turn of the century history.

The second show that I watched, was a two hour documentory on The Castro District of San Francisco. It began with the orignal history of the neighborhood, when it was known as Eureka Valley. Then focused on the influx of gay men and women, the political saga, the Aids epidemic, and then a view of the neighborhood now. From what I've heard, it's only one in a series of PBS documentories on San Francisco neighborhoods, so I'm sure I'll be keeping an eye on the PBS schedule.

6/25/2000 1:01:49 AM My eyes are dry. I'm finally wearing contacts again, it's been almost two months since my other contacts got an awful infection on them in DC. Thought I'd save 'em, so I plopped them into a hotel coke bottle with some water and shoved them into my backpack. Carried them three thousand miles across the U.S. only to get home and throw the bottle away. How silly I even wasted backpack space with it. The girls don't know so don't tell them. They'd kill me if they knew I did something so silly.

It was odd, I had somewhat of a panic attack at Jen's house today. I had let all this nervous energy build up and stopped by for a quick visit and .. i dunno.. started feeling very odd. I went back home to change and grab a rake, cuz I was going to rake her backyard and get out my anxiety. Instead, Dex came home and we ended up mowing our backyard, and cleaning up all the chewed pieces of paper that Lucky loves so dearly, half-eaten shoes, gnawed chinese food boxes, and an empty playdoh container. Jen was on the other side of the fence, cutting down the troublesome bottlebrush in her yard. By sunset, my heart was in bliss.

6/23/2000 1:33:59 AM We went to see Bela Fleck and the Flecktones tonight at The Crest. This huge and rich show, combined with several other mind blowing experiances during our solstice week has got me to thinking..

So this incident happened tonight, that for a second got me sad .. but only a second. Don't ever forget how tremendous and vast life is. Negative things are noise.. noise to distract you from the a beneficial reality that sits before us. I'll comment more on this at a later time

I need to start keeping a list of what my dog has chewed and/or eaten. Last night it was our bathtub stopper and a condom. (unused) She *obviously* didn't like the taste of the condom, as it sat practicaly untouched in the hallway. The stopper didn't get off so easy. I could feel like a bad mommie but Beth has a dog that chews a lot as well.. poor thing just lost a bra.. (Beth.. did.. Beth lost the bra)

As soon as the show was over tonight, I felt sick.. I think I've been nursing bronchitus. Now that the Nyquil is setting in I'll say good night

6/21/2000 6:37:12 PM one word : sushi

6/20/2000 12:31:26 AM OOo.. heee.. but this is damn funny!

6/19/2000 11:56:12 PM forget everything I just said.. i'm tired, I have 30 cgi changes that need to be made by tomorrow morning, besides the other late night project i'm working on simultaniously... someone send fun! help!

6/19/2000 10:51:56 PM I'm doing this crazy ''work late from home' gig tonight. Working with a new vender for my 9-5, said vender is in *India*. Yea.. I guess there could be worse things then smoothing out wrinkels at 11pm. The things I do to bring in the 'big bucks' :::::heee heee ha ha ha .. HOOO ha ha ha.. wooooo:::::::