-----Original Message-----
From: Mike
Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2001 10:49 AM
To: Jen
Subject: yesterday

Yesterday we all left the office early to go volunteer at one of the local Red Cross substations that had set up around the corner, near the Exchange
Place ferry. After helping load the boats there for an hour or so, I was asked if I wanted to go across the river to the actual site to give further assistance, which I agreed to do.

I have now stood directly in the midst of the devastation, in six inches of ash and debris, and at risk of being melodramatic, it has completely changed my outlook on life. The only thing I can compare it to is being on another planet. Everything there is so completely otherworldly -- The familiar streets are virtually unrecognizable, as there are smashed SUVs, crumpled payphones, broken glass, fenders, paper, and -- most disturbing of all -- desk calendars -- EVERYWHERE.

Contrary to how it might seem on television, it is actually quite disorganized over there. Much to my surprise, there is no sense at all of anyone being "in charge." When you get off the boat, you just find something to do and make yourself useful. For the four hours I was there, this meant carrying bags of ice and bottled water to several of the substations, which are positioned by the docks, near the corner of Greenwich and Trinity streets, and in front of Brooks Brothers (directly in front of where the Twin Towers were.)

After delivering ice to that lattermost location mentioned above, I asked a woman working there if there was anything specific they needed or wanted, since inter-station communication seemed spotty at best. She told me that the firemen really wanted Gatorade, not water or soda, and if I could find that at the drop off point and bring it back, it would be very helpful.

I agreed, and made my way back through the streets, stepping over fenders, wires, steel cables, etc. There are trucks, fireman, and construction equipment everywhere. Literally, there are thousands of people working over there. The walk back to the first substation was about 15 minutes, since many of the immediate streets are still completely blocked/filled with rubble, but when I got there I told someone that they wanted Gatorade back at ground zero.

The guy I spoke with loaded 10 of us up with Gatorade and motioning to me, yelled out, "everybody follow that guy with the tattoo." The people
following me wre mostly kids, many of them obviously under 18, which gave me a real sense of the severity of the situation. There was no check-in, no name-taking, no IDs were asked for. They are completely desperate for help and will take it from anybody without asking a single question. Amazing.

I started winding my way back through the wreckage, with a trail of people following me, all carrying Gatorade and sandwiches. As I came around the
corner on one particular street, I saw something that I never ever want to see again -- approximately 200 people running in terror directly TOWARDS
me. I was standing next to a fireman who looked up and said, "Oh my fucking god" -- which is something you don't ever want to hear a fireman say. I looked up and saw that another one of the buildings was wobbling and was about to collapse.

If I'd never come face to face with my survival instinct before, I certainly did at that point. The fireman jumped on his truck, stuck his hand inside and leaned on the emergency horn in three long bursts, which I figured out is code for "everybody stop what you're doing and run like hell." I threw the case of Gatorade down and started running. I ran three blocks past smashed cars and abandoned delivery trucks, passing other people on the way who didn't know what was going on. We all yelled to them to just run, that one of the buildings was coming down.

There were now probably a thousand people running like scared animals down the street. I don't know what street I was on, but there were also police cars and Red Cross vans all screaming down the street in the same direction, IN REVERSE. It was absolutely terrifying.

I ran all the way to the east side of Manhattan -- probably about 10 blocks. When I got there, I looked back. It didn't look like the building had come down, but I wasn't going to go back to find out so I started walking uptown. I walked up th east side, past the projects, past the seaport, etc. People were out and about as usual... kids on bikes, old folks walking along the pier. I didn't get a second look from anyone, even though I was covered wth mud and ash and was still wearing a gas mask.

In Chinatown, a woman took a picture of me which I thought was really funny.

I made it back to 9th Street, and took the PATH back to Jersey City. When I walked back to work to get my bike, I turned on the TV and found out that the building did collapse at around 5:30, I guess.

It's obviously important that I made it out OK, but I can't even tell you how being there made me feel. I completely lost my fear of death and dying because when you're confronted with it at such an extreme level, it's not scary anymore. I so much as told myself that I would be happy to die here because this was really important -- at that moment, unlike the rest of my life.

Despite the terror that comes with running for your own life, I still feel like I would go back in a second if the opportunity came up. (Don't worry. I've thought this through rationally and have decided that from now on, my efforts will concentrate on the Jersey side of the river.) But if
you have a sense of helplessness, doing something -- ANYTHING -- will make you feel better. Give blood, make food, donate clothes, bottled water, whatever.

I was riding my bike into the office when Akshay called to let me know what was going on, and ask if I knew my friend Melanie's flight info from NY. She has been due in the night before, and no one had heard from her since.

Then I get to the office, and no one is here. I don't connect the two incidents at all. I ckech my email, and get this message from Stumm in NY:
"gigex/ny is under air attack ...up to two blocks away city is being evacuated. i was in office at 9:40 when attack occured. heard plane and explosion ... we are close enough to world trade center ... to smell the smoke and see the flames ... hundreds of thousands of people are running north-bound past our building ... people here are truly frightened ... i will be here ... igor probably can't get into manhattan ... telephone lines are unstable. i am protecting the code."

Then a message from our CEO:
"Due to the extraordinary terrorist actions in New York and Washington and potential threats in San Francisco I am ordering everyone to leave the office today as a precaution. We can all communicate via cell (if it works) or email.
This is terrible, terrible tragedy. Stumm, please be careful. We all need to pray for the victimes of this horrendous disaster. Thank you."

I think most of San Francisco was at home that day. Dave and I went to friends house to watch events on TV.

One of the more disturbing emails I got yesterday was the following:

"Hello everyone,
This is Nicholas Longo, the CEO of CoffeeCup Software.
As you may have heard the World Trade Center and Pentagon
were attacked about 45 minutes ago.
The Team at CoffeeCup would like to send our heart felt
sorrow to those that perished in these attacks.
We would like to also say on record that if any country
is found responsible for these attacks, we call for that
country's complete destruction and annihilation."

Then another message from Stumm:
"oh, i feel i'm not in any danger. the evacuation zone is one block south ... on canal street.
below canal ... is total chaos ... most of manahattan is now pretty empty ... so it's quiet ... i can get some work done.
unfortanately, almost all businesses closed down sending their workers home ... but most transportation is not working ... so hundreds of thousands are fleeing across brooklyn bridge on foot, and heading home on foot ... the city closed down most subways ... even in areas not affected ... thereby increasing and playing to the terroist actions ...
talked to igor ... he was trapped in the subway in brooklyn ... had to walk home ... took him a few hours.
there are virtually no non-emergency vehicles on the street ... so it is kinda quiet.
the whole thing has not totally sunk in yet ... people here are still kind of stunned. i did see thousands of downtown workers flee north ... they were totally covered in soot ... i'm talking about an inch of soot on their ears, hair, clothing.
this is not good for business ... they should start rebuilding next week.
best policy against terrrorism is to ignore it ... it can't be stopped ..."

In the last week, I have spent a week with 15 other friends in the middle of a desert in Nevada, turned 27, caught a mild cold, and was given the kick in the ass I needed. It is hard to explain, but I feel motivated, focused, centered... all through the week, things were flying through my mind, nothing coming together, but during the 8 hour drive home, I began the process of piecing things together, and I have to say, I have not felt this clear headed in the last couple years. I hope it is not temporary.

>>I will be out of the office from 05/15/2001 until 01/01/9999.

>>Please use the link below to locate the appropriate contact for your needs.
>>http://www.zdnet.com/smartbusinessmag/stories/all/0,6605,2542236,00.html

But I come back to our office in SOHO, and ever since Daniella left, it has been Stumm and Igor there. Stumm is Swiss, and is always right, but he is endearing, because he thinks it is very amusing that he is always right. Igor is from Russia, and he is building a robot. We have taken many trips to Radio Shack and the like to get motors, transistors.. all Japanese technology, to add to this great robot we are building. Thing is, NY is hot as hell this time of year, so we are closed windows, air-conditioning running, and they smoke like a factory. You can smell our office down the hall. What's a girl to do except light up and keep pace. Half of the day is spent talking about the new atomizer we are buying to laminate the CDs - very exciting technology you see. hey are under the impression, and possibly correct, that they are the only ones building a factory in New York. New York has lost the manufacturing persona and gone with the marketing mayhem of the new century. Is it true? Maybe. Maybe the city has turned from an industrial power to a NASDAQ force. So I guess it feel good to go back in time, build machinery, and feel the same joy I did from Lego's.