the journal is gone and this is all that remains. updated whenever I feel like it. only the most recent day's stuff is up. no archives. no bio. no e-mail link. at some point I'll start a new journal, but until then this is all there is.

 
I am home-Internetless until the 22nd of September. So don't expect much from me until October. Life goes on here. Work is good. I haven't spoken to Don since the day after I left, when I called him about a box of Christmas ornaments I'd forgotten. I had him leave them on the porch and I picked them up on my way to work, once he'd already gone. He hasn't called or e-mailed me. Not that I thought he would. I mean, I did tell him not to call or come anywhere near me ever again in my life. But part of me hopes he calls. I keep trying to stamp that bit of myself out. Forgeddaboutit. Move on. He doesn't care, why should I? I've been good. I haven't called or e-mailed or anything. I refuse to be the psycho-ex. I will leave with dignity, if not much more.

So I move on. I went to a committee meeting this weekend for a group I joined six months ago. Something I really believe in. Something that used to make Don scoff, "Why did you join that? What a waste!"

I'm less sad now, but still sad. At times I'm actually happy, getting everything in the house just so. Focusing on my work and what I want to do next. I'm seeing a shrink, which is good. Someone to talk to, somewhere I can let it all out. Love and hate are all mixed up inside me. All together. All at once.

Sometimes I'm just plain scared. This is not the life I thought I would have. I have no one to rely on but me.

Sometimes I think that is a very good thing.
posted at 3:03:24 PM