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As I thought before I moved, I'm pretty busy here and am not going to have much time to update as often. Logs will probably end up being every one or two weeks ,,,,,and artwork and pictures will probably be added every two months ..unless I actually have time to update more often. I have two interview appointments to go to in just few minutes or so. Wish me luck. =)
Sunday, August 26, 2001
Saturday, August 25, 2001
Wednesday, August 22, 2001
Tuesday, August 21, 2001
Sunday, August 19, 2001
Saturday, August 18, 2001
Friday, August 17, 2001
Thursday, August 16, 2001
Tuesday, August 14, 2001
Monday, August 13, 2001
Saturday, August 11, 2001
Thursday, August 09, 2001
Wednesday, August 08, 2001
I am the Dark Dream Doll of the Month for September 2001. So go visit Dark Dream Dolls. =)
- doll @ 5:24 PM
Well, I've moved in my new apartment. I have my own room, though it is really small. It's pretty crowded in my room with my computer desk, drafting table, bed, dresser, chest, laundry basket and artwork. I have one large window facing the outside of another building. I kept waking up last night and this morning because I could hear people coming in and out of the back door almost directly below me. I saw a really ugly black spider in my window, but I don't think I smushed him. So, I've sprayed the entire window and everything around it with lots and lots of lemon Tilex. Hopefully, the spider drowned. I get so freaked out when I see a spider or roach. Luckily, I haven't seen any roaches yet. I'll probably dream tonight of spiders crawling all over me. ackkkk...
I' ve been busy with orientation and unpacking. I've lost a few things...more like misplaced. Or maybe I just accidently threw them away. Maybe I'll find them after I go through everything. I've cleared the floor of boxes in my room, but I have lots of art books, supplies, and various things strung out on my desks. I can't move them until I get my book case put together. I was going to do that tonight, but ended up spending a great deal of time cleaning and scrubbing. The whole apartment smells like lemon tilex and comet powder. >yuck<
I have orientation again tomorrow, a housing meeting, and then classes begin Monday. It still feels strange being in a new apartment, new roommate, new environment. I'm sure I'll adjust soon. I'm just a little bored at the moment, and I don't want to start on my painting since I haven't finished unpacking completely. My drafting table is still covered with many things. I guess I'll go finish unpacking the rest of my clothes and go to bed soon. I might not be online for a while or updating for a few days...not sure how busy I will be.
- doll @ 9:34 PM
I'm not feeling very well right now, and I pulled a shoulder muscle lifting a heavy portfolio carrier. I've spent all day packing, organizing. I called MCAD offices to try and schedule an interview appointment for work-study. Of course..no one was in the offices, and they haven't returned my messages yet. I'll just call back tomorrow as soon as I wake up. I want to make sure I get a better job. I have sooo much stuff to move Friday. It is going to be maybe 3 trips with a van, maybe a uhaul or something. I'm tired and feel sick.. so I'm going to bed early tonight. Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow. I need to get up extra early to get a lot of things done. You know..It will be my birthday in less than 3 hours! So, wish me a happy birthday even though I'll still be packing and moving things. And if you really want to wish me a happy birthday, take a look through my wish lists. Goodnight. =)
- doll @ 9:48 PM
Packing...packing...and more packing.. I've packed most of everything in the apartment that I'm not going to need the next couple of days. I'm still attempting to go through all my clothes. I finally decided to just give away a lot of them, three bags full. Now I look at my closet, and it looks almost empty. Mainly work clothes, which I'm not really going to wear that often anymore...considering that I'll be doing work-study. I need some more casual clothes and more pretty, sexy clothes. I might go shopping either later today or tomorrow to buy a few things. I'm running out of time to get all these things done.
I recieved a sweet pink birthday card yesterday. The only one I've recieved so far. =*( I'm a little depressed about my teenage years about to be over with, but I'm sure the 20s will be better. I was going to go somewhere for a day or two before I moved, but didn't know where to go. I couldn't afford to go to Chicago now...but it doesn't really matter since I don't have time to go anywhere now anyway. Last night, I finally added My Wish List page to the site. So far, there are two wish lists added... My Amazon.Com Wish List and My Naughty Wish List. I know it's silly, but who knows.. someone really sweet might want to surprise me with a birthday gift and make me smile. And my birthday just happens to be August 23, Thursday. *wink* ;)
I had to get up early to stop by the dentist again. Everytime I go.. I feel like they are just rushing me out of there. I barely have a chance to speak. I think I'll change clinics next time I have an appointment. I'm probably going to spend most of the day doing laundry, folding, and packing clothes. I have to rematte my self portrait tripitych and organize all my portfolios. I have about 15 boxes just stacked in the living room by my computer desk. I already took apart my drafting table. I'll leave my computer connected until Friday, and then it will probably be hooked back up shortly after I get all my things in the new apartment. I'll still have access to my email, but may not be updating anything on the site for a couple days, since I will have lots to do. Well..I'm off to do my laundry. =P
- doll @ 12:41 PM
Just finished my last day at my *former* horrible retail job!!! I'm so elated, relieved..... I'm going out to a restuarant, yet again, to celebrate. Lately, I've been trying to find any reason to celebrate...just to have an excuse to go out. Now.. I have so much to do, and only four more days left before I move! I'll probably be back online later tonight....
- doll @ 7:00 PM
Oh fuck.. it seems every time I type a long entry something goes wrong with my computer.. I was just about ready to publish..then the cursor keeps typing without anything on the keys until I lose my whole entry.. argghh.. or maybe I'm just tired and am seeing things... I will attempt to retype the entry yet again..ahem..
I had surreal dreams last night that I can't completely describe. I dreamt of being inside this mansion with waxed mahogany floors and walls, that was suspended in the air with frail railings on the sides. There was an extended stair case that reached high to the massive front doors. I felt very young, vulnerable, trapped... but there were others there young and lost, wandering on the waxed mahogany floors. In a large dark room, there were acts of sodomy taking place by figures that remind me of some of the figures in Francis Bacon's paintings.
Another part of a dream I had... I was in a narrow room, next to rows of people starring towards the front at a large screen..but it wasn't a movie theater. Someone behind me was touching me.. my hair, shoulders, back of my neck. I ignored it. The touching became more aggressive.. Curling his fingers around my hair, tugging it back, and pressing his hands harder on my skin. More hands started touching me from behind. Not sexual in nature, but out of admiration..wanting to feel me. I felt strange, uncomfortable, frozen...
I'm tired and have had a long day. I should have went to sleep a few hours ago..but was waiting for something, perhaps interesting...hmm. nevermind. I have to get up early for work tomorrow. Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe working weekends? I rather travel somewhere. :::sigh::: Goodnight..
- doll @ 1:01 AM
I completed another painting today, 22" x 28"... packed about 4 or 5 more boxes after shopping for more stuff. I'm so tired now... but don't have to get up too early for work tomorrow. They don't really need me at all..but I do need the extra money.. so I'll work a few hours or so...then back to more packing tomorrow. I was trying to find more things to add to my wish list.. but am too tired to look tonight. I'll be adding it to the site late next week...you know, my birthday is August 23! *hint* *hint*. And it's never too late to send a gift. ;) hehe... I know..I'm shameless... I have quite a bit of things to do before next week.. the time is just going by so fast. I keep procrastinating rematting and framing my sequential self portraits. I was going to take some pictures of my recent work and new pictures for August also.. maybe I'll remember to do this next week when I'm not busy. Well, I'm off to bed...send me e-mails and click here. *muaah*
- doll @ 12:37 AM
I keep receiving e-mails inquiring why I am pissed? I don't know what makes you think I am pissed. I said "emotional".. I was feeling somewhat depressed. This has improved, but not completely. There are some things going on, not directly in my life.. but that is affecting me. I just get upset that there are things that I cannot do anything about. Don't ask me about any of this. I don't feel like going into details with anyone. I have this horrible headache that won't go away. Of course I could take something for it..but sometimes that will make me more nauseous. Maybe I am actually coming down with a cold. The weather has changed drastically the past week or so..that could be the cause.
I made some phone calls this morning..and became extremely annoyed. Why aren't there any human beings to ever answer the phone? I'm sick of prerecorded messages.. It wouldn't be so bad if there was actually one that could answer my question..but no.. I'm still trying to find out about my prescription coverage on my insurance. I've called many numbers and they tell me to call the prescription card customer service number.. Well when I call that number. I have three choices.. 1) mail-in prescriptions 2) new prescription card 3) find a pharmacy near you... I have a question to ask and of course there is no operator to talk to.. I'm just bringing everything to the pharmacist and let him deal with it. Of course..the pharmacist will say that I have to talk to my insurance company about the coverage and not the pharmacy..fuck.. I also called about locations and hours of an office I have to go to .. and I can't find that information either..went to the website.. still couldn't find the hours and location of the one I'm looking for. Then, I called my dentist again.. because I had rescheduled my appointment on Monday for later in the evening. I received a card in the mail for the old appointment time yesterday. The receptionist said that she changed it this time..but I'm going to call back again tomorrow..because I don't think she got it right this time either.. Arrghh..
I bought more boxes to finish packing. I'm probably going to pack my dishes today and start going through my clothes. I bought some new (drinking) glasses yesterday and was quite excited. I know..it's strange to be so excited over buying glasses, but they are so pretty. =) They are kinda long and slender with faded pink rings around them. Then I bought some solid pink glasses too. I'm usually not so into the color pink..but this summer... it has been my color of choice. =) I also stopped by Penco and bought $80 dollars worth of art supplies... a few large sketchbooks, many graphite sticks, pencils, charcoal, erasers, another portfolio, brush soap, and another smaller artbin. I also get very excited when buying art supplies. I really have to practice more with charcoal.. I just haven't worked with the medium very much to have control over it. It usually ends up being too messy. So..I bought several types of charcoal to experiment with.
I'm so relieved to have today off from work. I only have three more days.. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday..Then on Monday I have to pick up the work-study forms and see if I can get an office job. I really need to get some office experience...So I can make more money when applying for a job this summer...unless I decide to travel somewhere instead. Hmm..Where (Who) should I visit? ;)
It's a little after noon, and I have to start packing and finally start working on my painting series again. Might be online again later..
- doll @ 12:36 PM
I'm feeling completely emotionally drained. I have some things going on right now.. and probably won't be online or responding to e-mails for a while.. I don't know...maybe things will get better within a few days..
- doll @ 10:00 PM
My sleep is still screwed up from the weekend....I'm going to bed in just a few minutes. Hopefully I'll be very awake and motivated tomorrow..maybe even wake up early. I worked until 5:30 PM, went to dinner, and then came back home..attempting to relax for a while. I exercised for maybe 45 minutes? Basically..until I was too sleepy.. And just came online to respond to some emails I received earlier today. I e-mailed my future roommate once again. Looks like I'll be meeting Molly and Ken early on the 24th. I don't think I would be up to moving and unpacking after driving 8 hours all night to get there. Maybe they'll take turns sleeping. I had surreal dreams last night, but unfortunately I cannot remember any part of them.. just left with this feeling afterwards. Well.. I'm off to bed.. wish me sweet delicious dreams. ;)
- doll @ 11:51 PM
I only slept two hours last night and ended up taking a three hour nap this afternoon...now I'm just feeling like a complete zombie. I'm tired..but have only been awake for a few hours since my nap..so I don't want to go to bed already... I hate when I do this and screw up my sleep. blah...
I'm still attempting to find a free mailing list service to use for the domain update list. I refuse to pay seperately for one! So if you know of any...besides yahoo....please let me know. I'm feeling bored, somewhat depressed... maybe more disappointed? lack of motivation is bringing me down...
I took a personality disorder test earlier, but am not going to post the results. You don't want to know! So.. out of boredom I took a diva test.
"You were Courtney Love in a past life! You're honest, opinionated and know exactly what you want out of life and how to get it! You are an expert at reinventing yourself, and can go from grunge girl to total glamour depending on your mood."
I'm thinking of expanding the site more... eventually adding a web cam ( you know my b-day is in less than two weeks away! hint* hint*)...why not? I think I'll make as good a cam whore as anyone.. and actually better. ;) (no... I'm not going to add any porn to the site). I was thinking of hosting some sites...but I don't know if I want to deal with the hassle. I guess it will depend how busy I am once I move... I may not be updating the site as often anymore. Of course the bitch logs will always be updated.. but the pictures and artwork may end up being updated every two months instead. We'll just have to see... I want to add more interaction and projects to the site. I was going to create an award/review site..but I just haven't found the time to get that going..
I'll be adding to my wishlist page within a couple weeks. I've just been lazy at getting that posted. Rick is going to install Final Cut Pro on my computer..so I can start learning how to edit footage. I have this not so interesting video of me a couple years ago that I wanted to fuck around with...but I'll have to get the footage transferred. Maybe if it turns out alright..I can add the video clip to the site. That might be a while though. Oh..and I have this footage taken while in NYC..I'm not in it..but it has some interesting shots.. So I could probably include some frames.
I have a sore throat today and feel slightly dehydrated. I wish I had some sweet popsicles to suck on. ;)
- doll @ 11:26 PM
I just took a Slut Test at TheSpark.Com. The results are... I'm 62% slutty, which technically makes me a slut. The worldwide average is only 46%. I'm slutter than 84% of the world and cleaner than 15% of the world. (By "cleaner" they mean less slutty....) I would say that 62% is a good percentage....my naughty half is a little more dominant than the sweet side.... ;)
- doll @ 12:53 AM
I'm still not feeling better. I woke up at 3 AM, feeling extremely nauseous and shaky. I drank a lot of water and laid on the couch for a while..and it went completely away. I think I was dehydrated. I made sure to bring water with me all day, especially when walking to work. Fortunately, the weather has finally changed. It is cool and breezy outside...I finally feel like I can breathe again. I hope it stays this way.
I had a very long day, felt depressed, anxious, stressed out a bit. I'm obsessing over things a little too much. I need something to relax me and take my mind off of things... I just completely make myself sick sometimes.. I can feel it through my whole body. Rick says I'm just completely neurotic...
It's becoming harder to work since I came back..and know that I have a little over a week left before I quit again. I'm becoming more anxious and restless.. I'm feeling very unsatisfied because a painting I completed yesterday did not turn out well. I shouldn't paint when I don't have the inspiration...what a waste.. I called in sick to work yesterday, because I wasn't feeling well. I wanted to call in sick today also...but resisted in doing so..I have to work tomorrow, early in the day, and then I have the weekend off. My schedule next week is annoying.. I work a day, have a day off, work a day, have a day off, work a day, have a day off.... but at least it is my last week. It's hard to believe that it is almost the middle of August already. I still have quite a bit of things to do.
I worked until 5:30 today... and Luckily, I didn't have to walk back home. When I was walking in the hallway to my apartment.. I saw a big black fuzzy cat at the very end of the hallway,which is a few doors down from my apartment... So..I knocked on some of the neighbors doors to see if it was theirs. But no one had seen it before. So I called this woman who works here.. to come and get the cat.. It took at least over a half hour to come get the cat and she was on the same floor! Lazy ass people in this building.. Anyway..so I just sat outside in the hallway with this cute lovable cat..until she finally came. I really liked this cat...He kept rubbing up against my legs and wanting me to pet him. I really wanted to trade my roommate's evil cat for this one. He was sooo sweet! He let me rub his belly and the top of his head. It pisses me off because this woman said that she had seen this cat in the hallway a few times before.. The owner shouldn't leave a cat outside in the hallway ..the cat could run out one of the doors, which are usually open, and go outside in the street.
After she picked up the cat..I cooked dinner and then finally went through my MCAD documents and started organizing them somewhat....I was watching this Preppy Murder Case on TV and was getting really sleepy. I was going to go to bed..but remembered that I had to e-mail my soon-to-be roommate and respond to a few other e-mails. I'm not usually this sleepy a little after 11 PM..but I didn't sleep well at all last night. I also had very restless dreams, most of which I cannot remember. So.. I'm going to go to bed and hope to sleep better tonight..
- doll @ 11:51 PM
I'm feeling awful today/tonight. I have the worst headache still. I did maybe half of what needed to be done. I called about the insurance, but still couldn't get the information I need. What a hassle dealing with that insurance company..I just have one question! I'll try again tomorrow. I called my roommate, Molly and talked for over an hour. We seem to have similar interests, except she is more into video games and japanese animation. Which is fine.. everyone has their own interests and differences. She is actually in Illinois instead of Colorado. I don't know why I thought she was in Colorado. She has already seen the apartment and said that they are actually ripping up the carpet and just having hardwood floors. I'm so happy to hear that...it doesn't make much sense to have carpeted floors in art dorms. So.. I'll meet Molly when we move in on August 24th.
I eventually went to Calhoun Square Uptown and ordered more contacts from Vision World, bought some greeting cards, and visited the MCAD gallery. The exhibit was horrible! It did not look like the work of college art students, more like high school or even middle school! Very immature, unoriginal, and not enough time spent on creating. It is the worst exhibit I have seen yet. There were maybe 3 portraits that had promise..but were not quite complete. All looked unfinished and just done in a matter of seconds. This depresses me and does not cause me to be any more enthusiastic about attending the school. I think MCAD should be more selective on which students are accepted and chosen to exhibit their work.
I had a caramel frappucino, and I'm still quite awake. After I got home.. I ate dinner, a croissant sandwich and garden potato salad. I was very talkative today ...had all this energy that I couldn't express. I feel so horrible that I didn't paint, and now I feel worse. It's almost 1 AM, and I should go to bed if I actually go to work tomorrow. I was going to call in sick..but then I might want to go to work just to be in air conditioning.
I received three more awards for the site today, Innocently Seductive Awards for Beauty, Creativity, and Content. The award graphics are below and are also listed on the domain page.
Innocently Seductive Award for Beauty
Innocently Seductive Award for Creativity
Innocently Seductive Award for Content
I just finished eating some sweet delicious strawberries with whipcream...I'm ready to dream...
- doll @ 1:15 AM
