can't seem to keep anything nice. who was i kidding?
posted by Karen Gagnon 1:48 AM

vendredi, août 31, 2001

So...here's a brief rundown: I almost got on college jeopardy. I am busy with school now (17 credits aack). I sort of have a job at the language lab. I have a very nice boy to keep me company. I tried to learn chinese (ha-ha). I am acting a lot (well in classes at least). I made Phi Beta Kappa last year. Won some money for some other club. Trying to finalize thesis ideas. Should start practicing LSAT and apply to law school next year. I guess that's about it. Oh yah-- went to Las Vegas this summer. That was fun. Oh, and I won 10 million dollars in the FL lottery! Psych. Wishful thinking. Well, that's all for now. ciao.
posted by Karen Gagnon 11:41 AM

mercredi, mai 09, 2001

i've realized something. i don't belong here at my home anymore. they gave my room to lauri and shoved all my old shit into the extra room. but i somehow always feel a little bit sad leaving the place. a little something tugs at my heart and a lump forms in my throat and i have to fight the tears when i say goodbye to my mommy. and i get into my car for the two hour interim. the lonely in-between. as soon as i reach my destination, i'm not alone. i have gainesville. hah. you know, having an enormous amount of time and no obligations these past few days, i've been doing a lot of sleeping..oh and thinking. dwelling really. the past. my glorious past. i've been having scary flashbacks.very scary. visions of bad outfits and dorkiness and just being stupid. so vivid i cringe. i actually contort my face and body. dreams of things i've fucked up, but can never change. past is done. it's done. over. i can only feign confidence in myself and my future. delude myself. but that's what gets me through.
posted by Karen Gagnon 12:25 AM

mercredi, mai 02, 2001

it's here again. that barren feeling like something's missing. a whole lot of nothing. i hear a song. i see a movie. i think a thought. something snaps. i have to listen to an acoustic version of high and dry or fake plastic trees or creep and let it flow. that's what i'm doing right now. and writing. writing the bs that pops into my head. no plan. no purpose. no content. just words. words are all we have sometimes. words are thoughts. undone. o yes, that's a good one too. throw some dion in there and then we got a party. who am i? i mean really? who am i ? i thought i knew, but sometimes i just forget. there's no need to feel this way karen. none at all really. it doesn't matter who you are. it doesn't matter who anyone is. we're all just people. people from the same earth. made of the same particles that have been drifitng around the universe for billions of years. i'm you. you're me. a dinosaur. a strawberry. mutagenic ooze. oh yah teenage mutant ninja turtles were rule. but i digress. who controls what. does anyone control anything? is there destiny? why do people let other people make them feel bad? why are frat boys all beerguzzling assholes with the sole objective of getting a piece of ass? why am i attracted to that kind. but i digress again. beck. loser. now that kid knows how to rock. seemingly no rhyme nor reason. well, yes rhyme, but no reason. listen to his words. pure poetry. pure stream of thought. of him. we restrict ourselves. we think about thinking and in the process lose the thoughts. the real thoughts. the pure thoughts. and my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite who's chokin on a splinter. genius i tell you. is anything random. winamp is randomly choosing the songs i listen to right now. are they random? am i choosing them. true love waits. a priceless little radiohead gem. beautiful. thom yorke. love the brits. i think i'll marry one. sure. prince william will do. he's cute. and that voice.wow. important the voice is. in a future mate. you will be listening to it for the rest of your life unless you're deaf or extremely good at tuning people out. waghwaghwaghwagh. charlie brown. i was lucy. my theatre debut it was. got me to realize that i love to pretend to be all the people i'm not. but i am. remember. everyone is everyone. so in essence acting is superfluous in the grand scheme of it all. don't tell mama. o, i wish i could be in musicals professionally. but i don't have the skills. my singing voice isn't so good. and i haven't taken dancing lessons since. phew. when was that. 5th grade. quit everything in 5th grade. i was growing. i was embarrassed. grown even more now. i can't believe someone can go from being anorexic to amply healthy. and i mean amply. a cow. yes. indeed. but i am healthy. that is the sad part. i wish. i wish that american society wasn't so stupid. don't panic. we live in a beautiful world eh? coldplay is silly. i mean really. beautiful. step one .word. what is it really. semantically. two. when you get right down to it. the very notion is subjective. beautiful? who decides? that's something that has always perplexed me. i want to be sedated. is this a message from the winamp gods? i could go on like this forever. my mind is endless. so is yours. it's all the same. come pick my brain sometime. you'll see.
posted by Karen Gagnon 3:05 AM

dimanche, avril 29, 2001

So. I'm delusional.
posted by Karen Gagnon 10:22 PM

jeudi, avril 19, 2001

So. I let mean people get me down.
posted by Karen Gagnon 11:36 PM