I'm running a little late on my homework but tiz ok, I will make time for a blog. =) Life's been good, and I just feel like telling the world. It's usually that I wanna speak my mind when I'm depressed, angry, or feeling emotionally negative. But lately, I just haven't been myself and I guess it's time for a change - I wanna shout from the rooftops and yell, "NAPSTER RULES!" Haha, ok maybe not that but I just feel like yipping with glee. I think Napser is shutting down or something coz lotsa people are complaining how they aren't able to get in or when they go search for something, they get no results. For me, it's still fine and dandy. I'm downloading Lauryn Hill's "Ex-factor." I think Lauryn Hill is beautiful. Although she's an hip hip artist, I still admire her a lot for the things she sings about and the kind of person she is. I would say of the very few female role models I have, she would be one of them. GO Lauryn! Woo!
You know, I think I might follow after my mom's culinary skills. My mom's parents owned a restaurant when she was a kid, and she cooks pretty good if I do say so myself. And although both my sister and I aren't allowed to touch the stove, I (sneak) cook a mean scrambled eggs. LoL. You're wondering why I'm basing that on being a culinary expert? Haha. Oh well. At least I know how to turn on the stove now. Well SHUTUP. Our stove is WHACK. It's not like those modern ones where you just turn it and the flame comes shooting out. You have to like push it and turn it and you have to do it in a specific way or you'll be standing there waiting for the damn spark to ignite. So I'm not totally stupid. And I've made food a lot when my mom's not around and they actually taste good. Hmm now I can survive when living on my own...I can make FOOD! Or else I'll have to eat out everyday or buy a Hometown Buffet or something. So yeah. ::sips a cup o' Mt. Dew::
Man, this guy Marco, who used to be in our French class was I thought "normal," but this year I heard he went to Bishop and then he came back like a few weeks ago. And today me and him had to work on a dialogue and he came up with the weirdest shit to talk about. He was talking about drugs and being violated by prostitutes. Are all guys like that, or did he get really messed up while he went there? I'm not sure but I don't really remember him that way. Hmm..then Toda was sitting in front of me and I poked him to ask him if he was gonna take AP next year. And he said no and then asked if I would miss him. Haha. I sorta half-heartedly nodded my head because I felt gay by saying yes, and mean if I said no. Now that I actually think about it, I think I would. It's fun having ONE nice person in there. The rest of the class is horrible. He's nice and actually does his homework and TRIES in class. And when we have to partner up, I wouldn't mind being with him because he usually does a good job. Plus he's a friend. So yeah I WILL miss him. That sucks. =( Maybe me and Connie can convince him to stay. Anyway, this senior in our class that I hate and Joey were talking about how that guy scored last night. Joey asked him in French if he used condoms. Gosh. Wouldn't you know that condoms in French is, "preservatives."
I hate to bring this up when I haven't liked "him" for the longest time and don't think I ever will again, but it's been sorta bugging me. I've noticed that in class when I just avert my gaze across the room just because that's what happens when I get bored, I find him staring at me. In English I thought he was staring at the teacher's aide because she's pretty cute, but today I was in first period and I just looked over to the other side and lo and behold he was looking at me. Jackson told me yesterday when we were watching a video yesterday, "he" wasn't watching the movie but.....you know. That I can't really believe because he was sitting in back of me while I was munching away on my salty chips =) and I couldn't really tell anyway. But everyday I just see him doing that and makes me feel weird. And also yesterday, Jackson poked me and then we started comparing our fat, and then "he" saw Jackson poke me and then "he" poked me on the other side, which is something he's never done. He's never poked me before. It's almost to say that he was "jealous" in a way. Damn, I feel stupid saying that, but that's what came to mind. I'm confused right now, but if he WERE to like me, I don't think I could like him back. I think once the feelings are gone, they are totally expunged from my mind. Doesn't it just suck when you liked someone, and they didn't like you back at the time, but when you've moved on, they like you? And you can't do anything about it because you don't "feel" it anymore? Life's complicated. Well, I'm hoping to get back to work. See ya in a few.
Oh, one last comment. Today when my mom was driving me and my sister back home from school, a car spray painted on their car, "Honk if you're horny for the Backstreet Boys." If I was in my own car, I'd honk for the hell of it and then blast a song with tons of "Fuck you's" in it. Heh. Damn, and I got an email from some person named Joshua Paul. What kinda name is that? This is what it said:
sorry it took me so long to write back but our e-mail service was down.how is everything going? i'm doing o.k. everythings been better.i'm still living at home.james backed out on me and tree can't afford it, so instead i joined terreanians. we ride the sunday before mardi gras day.are you coming home for mardi gras?i did get your call for my birthday.thanks! how's your play going? are you staying busy with it? are you seeing anyone?is he taking care of you?he better because you only deserve the best!look if you ever need someone to laugh with,cry with, or just talk to,you can always call me 24/7!!!!well
take care baby!
thinking of you always,
joshua paulFreaking, I think people just do that for the HELL of it. Jeezuz.
posted by cinny chan 7:25:03 PM
Woo, Cinny is the matchmaker, the skip-math-one-grade person, wooo. I'm Miss Super. Just kidding. What the HELL am I talking about? I just did major favours for people. Is it me, or am I being EXTREMELY generous? Haha nah. It just seems like it or something. For these past 3 days. Today I found some grub on this guy that one of my friend likes. And for the longest time, she was trying to find out if he had a girlfriend or not and that would decide a buncha stuff for her if he didn't. So, I got my connections and thanks to Dave, I found out more info that she's found out in a matter of several months. Whopee. I've got a happy friend. And today I helped Vipul on his math, and he told me he aced his test. Now he's gonna go onto Calculus. Woo! Coolioz. And what else? There was something else...hummmm....Dave dances to DISCO. Whoa. Haha. That's neat. Whoa, and he's gonna wear disco clothing to his prom. ::sigh:: Guys are so funny sometimes. It makes me smile. Anyone who's weird like that makes me smile. But I'd seriously like to see that happen. I'm probably gonna end up going to Northview's prom and get all crazy. Not bad crazy, but wacky crazy. Take TONS of pix. And remember it forever. I'm going to grad night with Claudine too. =) WOoo! Imma be winin' and dinin' Hell yeah.
Ok, I did like 3 pgs of my outline. I AM SO SCREWED?! But was just sorta catching up on old times and stufff witih peeps. Turns out, I might have to play a guy in Connie/Nancy's video and get seduced by them. SHITTT. Hahah. But whatever. Seduced by beautiful women? I'm there! LoL. Just kidding. I'm not lesbo...at least I don't think so...errr...at least I think I'm over it...haha...sexuality crisis! Haha. Anyway, guys have MOOD SWINGS!! Jeezuz, one minute the guy is mad at me, and then he's all "Thanks for your help Cynthia." Like damn, weren't you just TICKED at me like a friggin second ago? But I think that it's sorta good that guys are like that because girls hold really long grudges and if both sexes held grudges like that, then the whole world would be pist at each other. Y'know what I'm sayin, mayonnaise? So yeah. Guys don't seem to get angry at you. Or at least not for a long time. For me, if I'm mad, I STAY mad until I cool off and that takes hours, days, weeks, months, years. Haha. If it takes a year, then I'm really steamed at you. You know who you are. =) So anyway, I've tried not to offend the dude or say anything but I'm a natural born...teaser. No I'm not a TEASE, I just tease people....err...ok...um...I'm not the type of girl that becomes a tease...as in flirting..but I tease everyone...like about their indianness, let's say that for example. That type of thing. And I probably get out of hand because once I get going, I can really pack it on. Learned from practice. =) Anyway, I'm sleepy. Dammit. I'll do my outline at school. If I can. ::yawn::
posted by cinny chan 12:02:26 AM
My sister threatened to take the net away from me. Big whoop. Haha, I just poured myself a nice, sizzling cup of Mt. Dew and I laid it down, and I can hear all the "carbonated water" fizzing. =) Mmm. Take THAT JACKSON! I got Mt. Dew TOO! Hey, anyone taste the Mt. Dew slurpee yet? I gotta get me one of those. Yum yum. I bet it taste like the shit.
Remember this guy? Ok, well I doubt any of you do, maybe except for Alice, but I surely do. He was my sister's online stalker. Haha. At least he like fell in love with her or something like that. And he turned out to be a hacker and wanted to call her and all this smack. And somehow I got involved into the whole schmeal. So to get rid of him, we concocted this whole story about how we were moving to Taiwan and blah blah. It was really funny. But those were the days when we first got the internet and my sister screwed up when she started using it. I'm just hoping she hasn't like given out our number and shit. But I bet she has but that's HER problem, not mine. I'm not gonna get her out of it like I did for this one. She's just overly scared of this guy but after the whole thing blew over, we talked again but I really haven't since a year ago or so. Maybe I should again, I don't know. There's lotsa people I haven't talked to for a year or so. We've had the net for 3 years now and the first person I talked to online, I've still kept in touch with them. Coolioz. I remember how excited I was when I found a chatroom and just talked to people. My first chatroom was Excite. =) And I remember how I would stay up till 1 or 2 chatting the night away. Haha. That's a true Internet junkie for ya. And my computer was a piece of CRAP, so it froze and shit so I'd restart my computer and log on again, hoping the person I was talking was there. Most of the time they weren't. So it sucked. But I always caught them on the next day or so. Man, I was so innocent. Haha, some of them got their friends to mess with me. Those were the days. And when I got my first email, I was SO stoked. It was from Claudine. =) I was in heaven everytime I got email. =) It's sad to say I don't get the same thrill when I have mail in my inbox because most of the time it's junk. And having AOL mail made it suck everytime I went to check it coz it said, "You got mail." Grr. And my dad be like, "Did you just get mail?" Uhh...no I didn't. ::rolls eyes:: But anyway, I miss the old days in Excite. It was fun. I'm trying to remember their names...it was Jeff (sk8te), Jackson (beave - haha), Tony (trueblue), Giselle (coolgirl), and I forget the rest. That's the Excite crew. Then after awhile chat got crappy, and it was AIM/ICQ craze. Hmm...ICQ was my school buddies, Tony!!! I miss Tony. ::brings back painful memories:: Umm...Jake (shinjake - haha I thought he was Asian and turns out he looked like Ben Savage from Boy Meets World), Crystal (buffy - Leonard's cousin haha she rocks), Joseph (talkshowhost - totally obessed about Radiohead and his angel), Brittany (damn girl loves them boy bands), Elegia (talked about music and KROQ woo), Terry (dragonb8ll - man coolest guy), David (siulouhfu!!! insightful guy that talked about philosophy to me when I was just a kid. I was sad to see him leave), Machiavelli (I forget his name, but I didn't know who the hell, or how the hell to say that name. Now I do. He was the first person who had a "online journal" that I read of, so I guess you can say he inspired me), and of course Jeff (jay23_nyc, also sk8te. Dude's been there for the longest time and everywhere I go). Hmm...then what was next? Oh yeah, Yahoo chat. Haha. That was a buncha peepz. It was my dearest little Liemy, Frank (trudeesino - smart ass guy. Can't understand what he saying most of the time coz of all tha big words he be using), Wesley (hahaha little freaking SCRUB! he's cool tho, helped me out lots with comp probs and the whoel schmeal. But he's a young'un. And I'll always rub that in his face), Duy (smartguy202 - uhh no comment. Liem knows why), Jesse (kevinrichardson - ::shudder:: remember how I can't listen to the band Live? Yeah it's because of him), MPOWER!!!! (wooo that was cooliez. Whaddya call it...them Canadians that live like 20 minutes away from WA...mad funny dude), Johnny (krayzievietboi - hahah I made fun of his ass a lot. I called him my stalker. LoL) Damn, Yahoo was weird. I got scared by a lot of people, and I scared a lot of people too. Then, it was good ol' Zippy!!!! (Zipasia) The OG Zip crew was Corey ("C" - haha just plain C - now I know what "PW" means - pussywhooped...lol..but yeah used to tease him about his gf a lot), Jeff (sk8te or pocky - haha Jeff's EVERYWHERE man..and pocky was his trademark), Charleston (Chewy - my humble, INDOnesian bro from Arcadia. Haha remember FINKL t-shirt and boggers? =) Those were the days man, those were the days...Jeff was our dad/bro *yeah a lil bit of weird incest, funky shit going on but it was funny*), Neurotik (I hated this bastard for awhile, and I can't believe Jeff was gonna let me marry this dude. Haha. He was a PIG!), Maria (maria maria!! ::singing acupella:: Fridachan!! she was the mommy of all mommy's. Passed out pocky left and right and she works for ABC. Coolioz huh. Maybe she can work her "connections" and get me to meet Drew Carey =), Cute (haha Cute taught me some really nasty stuff but it's all good...but it's all part of the continuing sex-ed class right?) Kimmy (one word: ugh), Katherine (~me~ is Corey's gf. Hehehehehe =X), Joo!! (we started just talking one boring saturday morning about school and it was pure friendship after that...she's cooliez), Lester (Rice - haha he's shit skinny but thinks he's some fat guy..yeah RIGHT...he and cute are/were going out, I dunno it's all confusing), Chris (dragonfly - whoo, 10 star slut. Haha. I think I became a concubine of his....jk..nah...one of them brotherly peepo...it's all screwed up. let's just say it was big happy family), Xem (BLANG blang! Woo, managed to piss kimmy off and she made up all this shit that we were going out just because I talked to him and not her. Do I hear the word BITCH? but nah it was cool...he goes to school with Chewwwwyy..I think Chewy hooked up with him =X), Johnny (johnny - probably most hated guy in Zip, but I found him morbid, but cool. He's a pharmacist in PA *all weird people are from PA* and he was the founder of the Kimmy hating group. Haha.), Kaykay (neuro played on her how sad! She was seriously sad I think. We were supposed to celebrate our bdays together too!!), HENG!!!! (ahah me and him were the only asians that liked the music we do and we hit it off although everyone sorta disliked him. We had fun "kicking" out parties. Yep yep. He was coolness. I remember those 3 AM chats about "stuff." And umm...that's it I think. I know a I missed a buncha peepo coz my mind has failed me. But there's all the "crews." Now there is no crew. =( I feel sad. Sad enough to go work on my outline. Well, it was great walking down memory-Internet lane. =)
posted by cinny chan 9:46:46 PM
Been awhile since I've hummed to the tunes of Nirvana. LONG while. I pay homage to Kurtdy. His daughter looks a lot like him. I'm downloading "Sliver" (song about not wanting to get stuck at gramma and grampa's house while your parents go out and have fun - its got something tah do with Kurt and his relationship with his parents and their divorce) and "About A Girl." I need to get the Unplugged CD. That's got all the great stuff on it. Mmmmhmm.
posted by cinny chan 7:46:45 PM
Gonna blog before I launch myself into homework. You know, I'm always saying I'm gonna go do homework and I end up not doing it. I'm such a big fat stinky liar! So I'll quit lying to everyone and saying I'm gonna be studious when I'm NOT. Buttfawk! Yo. Haha. I'm gangsta! Then I let the alpine plaaaaaaay...I was pumping new shit by NWA. It was gansta gansta at the top of the list. Then I played my own shit an' it went something like this: Cruisin' down the street in my 6-4, jockin' the bitches, slappin' the hoes. I went to the park to get the scoop knuckleheads out there cold shooting some hoop Haha. Ok, that came outta nowhere. Blargh. I'm tired outta my mind. Lesse. Oh yeah, "The
penismightier than the sword." Hehe, damn, I love Oswald. I love Lewis, Drew, and Kate too. I want them to be my best friends. I want to have grown up with them since I knew how to talk and then grow old together, drink beer together, get a mid-life crisis together, walk up the alter just to reject (either Drew, Oswald, or Lewis) but still remain best friends forever. But it's too late now. I'm too old. Right now I'm not "clicking" with people that way. I think if I was, I'd be really happy. Man, I'm really pathetic, I'm trying to imagine my life as a TV sitcom. But I can still imagine how cool it'd be. The kind of fun that Drew, Kate, Lewis, and Oswald have, I used to have back in the old days but now those friends aren't really part of my life that much anymore. We don't get to hang out like them where they just come over whenever they want and just be stupid for the sole purpose of BEING stupid. Everyone here only act stupid on purpose just to get noticed and that's no good. It's only good if you can act stupid and your friends like you no matter what. Stupide est, stupide fait. ::sigh:: I didn't know that Drew came on at 8:00!! Or else I would have taped it! Jeezuz. Oh yeah, I think it's cute how Drew and this one girl from his work like each other. But dude, it was working out GREAT, so what happened? Jeezuz. This is what happens when you miss it. Garrr!Today was test hell. Test in buncha classes. Test here, test there, everywhere a test-test. ::yawn:: I saw the commercial for Remember the Titans. ::sigh:: Reminds me of the time me, Claudine, and Jenn went to see it. I LOVE that movie. I love everything about it. Hey, Jackson you'd like it too. They sing lotsa oldies in there and its funny too. That's MUST BUY on my list. Love it love it love it love it! And not just for Ryan Gosling either. That movie was the greatest. I'm a sucker for corny movies. You guys GOTTA go see it. It's one of those movies that will move you. The fact that the whites vowed never to play with blacks, but had to swallow their pride and did it, and one guy who ended up in the hospital, he only allowed his black "brother" to see him. Man oh man. And when they went out on the field and sung together as a TEAM. I'm crying now. Haha just kidding. But it's great. Hmm...lesse...we had to watch stupid Law & Order in English today. Jeezuz, that show is a CAPITAL B-O-R-I-N-G! They can't act either. It's too "dramatic." I hate those shows, coz they seem all fake and stuff. I think Jackson spoke for the whole class when he said, "Turn it off, please!" Dude, it was retarded. Bout some mother who killed 3 of her babies because she craved attention and the husband was fucked up too coz she'd leave him if he told anyone that she killed her babies. Jeezuz. Are people really that fucked up? And I thought I was the screwed one. Guess not. ::yawn::
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there, with open eyes and open arms..yeah...doo doo doo rum bum bah...
posted by cinny chan 6:10:26 PM
I'm sleepy. I wasted a lot of time doing nothing (chatting) when I could have done at least half my outline. And now I'm feeling sleepy. Just great. I finished talking to Dave, and my convos have died down as well. ::yawn::
The situation with me and Damon is cool now. Or at least for now. I talked to him about how he pist me off lotsa times, and then I asked him if I ever pist him off. He said that he could never get mad at me. Why can't he? Because he said he didn't wanna ruin our friendship. That for that year and half that we didn't talk, it was pure hell. He told me that the first day, on registration day this year, when we were finally able to talk face to face again he got teary eyed from emotion I guess. I know that's sorta gay but I guess it's a nice feeling that it meant a lot to him ya know? I hadn't thought of that since now. And now I feel bad about how I would get mad at him for things that were almost beyond his control. I think I should control my anger a bit more because sometimes it gets the best of me. But anyway, what really got to me was that he said, "when you finally got something that you strove so hard for, why would you wanna ever mess it up again?" ::sigh:: Sometimes I love my friends, and sometimes I hate them. It's always a love/hate thing. So anyway, we're talking again like old times and doing friendly acts of kindness and shit...out of the goodness of our hearts. Ok, I'm sounding really sappy. Must be a sign that I'm sleepy. i think if I got drunk, I'd become really sappy. That under "normal" circumstances I'm all hardcore shit. Jk. But as of now, I'm HOPING that we'll get through high school and remain good friends. I'm hoping. I just hope my anger doesn't get ahead of me and ruin it all. I wanna go to DISNEYLAND and have FUN with all my friends. I don't wanna feel like I gotta avoid people.
Awwwwwwwww, Jan got Vanessa a teddy bear for her birthday. It's a singing bear that sings, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy..." Hehehe. I got out of the car the same time Jan did today, and I saw the bag and I was like OMGG!!!!!!!!!! Hehe. Hmm, what else before I hit the sack? Oh yeah, Vipul's gonna jump to calculus for next year. So he's gonna probably be in my class. Woo. Now I won't feel like a loner in my class with no sophmores. But I gotta show him some stuff for his test tomorrow or something. Hope it helps. ::crosses fingers::
posted by cinny chan 11:45:49 PM
For a freaking hour of panic, I was endlessly searching through stacks of paper to find a freaking piece of paper for my history class. Jeezuz. Things are always in the least likely places when you're looking for them. I hate that. Man, I was about to commit suicide because I couldn't find that darn paper. GRRR!
Welp, I'm talking to Jackson's twin now. From Northview. Haha. It's funny coz me and CLaudine always seem to have the same things happen to us. She's got Dave (Jackson's twin), and I've got Jackson as friends. They sound the same, and act the same, everything. It's great. He's pretty cool to talk to. We've already past that, "HEY you're from Cypress too?!" Hehe. Coolioz. Cypress veteran. I feel the memories coming back to me.
posted by cinny chan 10:11:00 PM
Don't you just hate it when your shit doesn't come out fully? You're groaning for it to come out and then it chips off, and the top half just stays stuck in your anus. And you feel like....shit. Anyway, I've got lots of news. Christian Bale, man. I hope he gets an Oscar. American Psycho - very creative. AND the soundtrack to Newsies is out! Woo. But the VHS for Newsies and Swing Kids is out of stock everywhere. Jeezuz, that sucks. What's wrong with these people? WE LOVE CHRISTIAN BALE. Boo. Oh yeah and people back then thought bisexual meant you had a peanut and pagina. Haha. I think that's what I thought too when I heard that word. Ahh, back in the day when I was innocent like that. Where have those years gone?
The weather was pretty hot today because it was probably 9 in the morning and I already had to take off my sweater. But I don't drink any water, so I began to get dehydrated. I could feel myself just grow weak and hungry too. But when the weather got colder, I felt fine again. I'm one of those beings who live only in darkness. When the sun comes out I wither away. That's why I could never live in Hawaii or something. Anyway, today when I could have slept till 10:00, I had to get up at 7 just to go to school to clean up the nasty classrooms at our school. I only did it coz we get community service credits for college. But I would do it I guess if a teacher needed help too. I don't mind. Most of the teachers REALLY need it. But I wonder what we put that under as: "Classroom beautification?" Hah, so anyway, me, Vipul, and Jackson went to...of course, Mr. Chang's room and the bastard wasn't even there when we got there, but came some minutes later. Lazy ass was sleeping probably. Anyway, I would say that was probably the funnest 2 hours or however long it was, coz we were pretty much left alone "cleaning." Jackson did most of the cleaning, and complaining how dirty Mr. Chang was. Haha. Well, he's a guy who obviously isn't married, so you'd expect that everywhere. Jackson and Vipul even found Mr. Chang's diploma in the classroom which I think he had left haphazardly about. It was all full of dust. Gee, that's how much he cares for his job. Hmmm, I also found out that Chang loves the band "Rush." It's actually his favourite band. I could see he got like some special edition CD or something. That reminds me of Cullen. Them and their heavy metal. I can't really digest metal because it just doesn't go with me. Rush isn't exactly great either. I know that I can say Mr. Chang has bad taste in music. I mean for fawk's sake, he likes the Indigo Girls. The INDIGO GIRLS! Ick. I know their songs are all about lessons in life and blah blah, but I've heard them and they SUCK. They sound like really bad Mellissa Ethridge cop-outs, except they aren't lesbian. But one would think that they were if one saw them. Hmm. Anyway, I was late to 3rd period today because we didn't hear the bell in the locker room and so when I came in, my teacher was taking role and he's like, "Hey Spaz!" Great I'm a spaz.
I'm not sure what's been up but I've been a bit "bold" in my manner today, if that's what you can call it. I sort of got a ego problem where I don't really like to ask teachers for help. The shyness factor is part of it too, but I just don't like to ask people for help. Unless I'm totally just frustrated then I'll probably do it. But today we were reviewing over homework in chem, and everyone in our class is afraid to ask for help, except for the loud ones, but otherwise, among our little "posse" we're all too shy to ask. And I just had one question which I leaned over and asked Damon if he had it but he didn't, and if he didn't then none of the rest would have it because he's the smartest out of our bunch. So, I would usually just sit there mute and just write whatever and miss out on that question, but today I just raised my hand and asked. Teacher was surprised coz she told my sister that I was so quiet and didn't even ask questions. Well, there's a start. And, I've been doing stuff I never would do if I was "myself." Yesterday I stood up for Tatiana, and then today when Ivan (umm used to hate him...a LOT) was doing homework or something at lunch and his pencil ran out of lead and he was asking around if someone had a pencil but everyone shook their head no coz they were eating lunch and too lazy to get out their own. So I just gave him mine coz I was doing my homework too and just took out my other pencil. I think he was surprised too, of all people to offer him something. He used to offer me stuff like if I needed help, or if I wanted some chocolate (someone gave him a box o' chocolate on Valetines Day) and I said no to probably all of his offers. I feel sort of bad, so maybe that's why I lent my pencil to him. That at least if I didn't accept his offers, then he could accept mine. I'm not sure if that makes sense but it does in my mind. But I could see the surprise in his face. He said, "Are you sure?" several times. Hah. He probably thought the pencil was a knife or something. Anyway, I'd usually just ignore him and whatever he says, and be off with whatever. Today was just a weirdo day. And weirdo day led to weirdo me. :)
Joey started yelling at our French teacher today because we got back our test scores and only three of us actually got an A. The rest did pretty bad. The guy behind me was all paranoid about his grade coz he asked me a question and he answered it himself and I just laughed and he's like, "What are you laughing at? My grade? PShh, what did YOU get?" Haha, and it made me laugh harder when I DID see his grade. Anyway, Joey was pretty pist because he got a C on his and our teacher was pretty disappointed in the majority of the grades. And Joey got all hostile about it and started yelling about how stupid her teaching was and how we didn't even learn. I sort of agree and disagree with him but more of disagreement. She does teach it sometimes that its hard to grasp the first time around, and we we get points docked off because most of the time we don't know what we're doing. But she gives us enough practice that we should be ready for the test. And I think that's why I do pretty well, by practice. Because I never study and as tedious as it may be, the practice the teachers make us do in class DOES help a whole lot. But what I agree with Joey on is that the stuff we were learning WAS confusing and it took awhile to fully "get on boat" and some students couldn't catch on as quick as others may and she shouldn't sort of blame the class for getting low scores. Because if only 3 students did well on the test, and the rest got C's or lower, then there obviously IS a problem. But I just don't think he should have yelled at her like she was some piece of shit. Coz he was like YELLING. Maybe that's how I sound with my mom when I get angry. =T Hmm. Anyway, gotta eat now. I'll blog later. See ya.
posted by cinny chan 6:39:47 PM
Wow, I haven't blogged for almost a whole day. Sorry folks but I'm dead tired from yesterday. Today was a funny/bad day. I didn't finish my conclusion so I had to write it in the lab today and freaking computers were all filled up and I was panicking like a mofoe. But then I remembered there was another lab and I jacked a seat next to Connie's lover, Peter. Haha. For those of you who's thinking she's into Peter, she's not. That's just a private joke between me and her and other people or something. Whatever. But yeah. Guess what folks? My mom almost killed my foot today. I was getting out of the car and I was a bit sluggish mind you, because I didn't get any sleep so I was trying to get out of the car a second too late and my mom just floored it, the tires going over my left foot. Surprising my toes came out whole as they originally were meant to be and I suffered nothing. Not even a speck of a bruising. Crusin' baby. But it felt like it was bleeding, so at PE, I took of my sock and examined my poor toes and they were all fine. I have "SUPER TOES." Coz I mean if a car ran over you, it's supposed to break your toes right? Coz I mean, it's how many tons? But my shoes were either really extra thick or I'm just blessed. I like to think I'm blessed, makes me sound more supernatural. Sooooo, I was having a rough start in the morning, and things got pretty good later in the afternoon. Hah, at break I went to to type up my essay, and this guy sat down to the computer next to me. I remember he was in my summer school class for Keyboarding. He's cute man. Most of you know him, but I won't disclose his name. I've always thought so, and probably a billion other girls have thought so. DUDE, and my last name used to start with a T, so during graduation and whatever, I got to sit next to him coz our last names were like next to each other. (ok that's a MAJOR hint for you people) But now I don't coz I have a fucking generic last name now. Boohoo. Oh well. Then later, I went to that other comp lab, and I was typing furiously away, and Peter left, and then someone came to sit down to the computer next to me, and I looked up, and it was HIM again. Is it fate or what? Haha. Playin'. Jared was there with him coz he had to type up his bibliography and we were just talking and stuff. I guess he remembers me from Keyboarding class. I'm not bragging or anything, but my I wowed my keyboarding teacher that summer. He told me I was the fastest typer he ever had. So, while I was finished with most my stuffoz in Keyboarding, the rest of the class was trudging away on their keyboards, and that guy, let's call him Guy (the French "Guy") jokingly asked if I would do his typing for him. So, I guess he remembered, and I was in a rush to type the stupid paper coz I had like 5 minutes left, and he's like, "STOP TYPING SO FAST!" And then he pressed 'enter' key on my keyboard so I'd mess up. And yeah other stuff happened but it's too corny or stupid to post up. Not really relating to that.
Anyway, I've got a little tif with Tatiana, although she doesn't really know that I dislike her. But I do. I may dislike people but I usually won't show it unless it's extreme hatred or something. But she just came back from having mono and I guess I feel sorry for people who get to miss school....errr...what the hell am I saying? I ENVY people who miss school. Ok, well it sucks when teachers give you a hard time after you've been sick for a long time. And Mr. Chang was ragging on her coz she missed her retake for her vocab test and she had a lot of work and stuff to catch up on because she was sick for so long and how would she remember a stupid vocab test? So I thought he was being a prick, and I did something I usually don't do - I spoke up to him. I told him to get off her back and that she was sick and how she deserved a break. So stop giving her a hard time coz she missed the retake. And she had already said she was sorry so why was he making such a ruckus over it? I surprised myself. And I think it probably surprised him, and I'm guessing he thought I was rude to have butt in, but at the same time I was trying to back someone up for the sake of arguement. And he was just surprised, of all people to have spoken up was me. It'd be Jared or someone would have said something like that, or at least who he'd expect it from. So, he's like, "Was I talking to you?" And all the while, he was giving me that look where he was smiling, but sort of flustered. Or whatever. Can't describe it. Just that he gave me that same look when I laughed at him when he put the overhead thing on wrong and messed it up so bad. But anyway, he said it so softly like he didn't want to say it, or didn't mean it. Hahaha, one day I'm gonna make him cry. You can SO easily make him feel guilty. And he told me that he was sorry that I had to rent those tapes. Errr...that was part of the project. But uh yeah. Anyway, when he said that to me, I replied with my, "SO?" Man, I thought I was talking to my mom or something. Coz usually I backtalk to her like that. Man, I think I should be more respectful. I mean I wouldn't dare do that to Wagner or something. So yeah. I feel bad - sorta.
Hey, I got a letter from NYU! WOOO! I wasn't expecting it at all. Johnny got one from them too. Coolios. Haha, my sister was like, "Hey, I asked colleges to contact me, but none of them ever did ::sad face::" I dunno, maybe because she didn't put a specified major or something. Coz she's still undecided what to be. BUT YAY!!! Back then, I was thinking about applying to NYU if I got rejected from Columbia. But surely I would get rejected from Columbia. It's too high up for me. NYU is too, but them sending me a letter makes me feel all better. Woo. I was talking to my bro from NY todayy and he said if I was gonna go to college there to hit him up. I guess I will. Maybe I can finally get to figure out which one he is. Haha. Long story. But he told me the UC schools were pretty hot stuff even in NY. So I dunno. I'm thinking about UC San Diego, UC Berkeley (I'm hesitant to apply there because I don't wanna go to a school where everyone wants to go - sorta wanna meet new people), NYU (maybe), Columbia (just for the hell of it), and I dunno. That's all I know for now. But those schools are pretty competitive. I'm just aiming a little too high I think. Anyway, it was great talking to him again. Been a long time since I talked to them online peeps. I'm occupied with school and just the school peepz that I got no time to talk to them other peeps. But it's cool. We got to talk about our "relationships." The girl he liked turned him down. Sucks. He really liked her too, but he knew that she wasn't for him from the start, but he couldn't but help to like her. So he's pretty down I'm guessing. Hoping he's coping well. And I told him about the whole "Christian" thing and he thinks I still like the dude, and vice versa, but I was telling him what happened months ago but he thinks it was happening now so yeah. Got all the facts and figures messed up but its all good.
Connie and that guy of hers finally admitted, or had people admit for them that they liked each other. But they're not going to "date" yet. Haha. I'm really proud of her. She's not rushing into things and stuff although I know she wants a relationship. She's being smart. But it's cute how she wants to look "beautiful" for him. I dunno, but is that what girls do for guys? Look beautiful for them? I told her that he thought she was anyway, regardless of extra makeup, clothes whatever. But then I've never felt the need to look "beautiful" and don't really want to. As much as you try to make me look "beautiful" I'll always be same ol' ugly cinny. Hah, I'm one of those stubborn faces that refuses to look good. Hah. Anyway, I'm sleepy, although I got like 5 hours of sleep already. You can never get enough sleep. And I got lotsa homework. Farkos. Plus a gazillion docs to do for AP Euro or some shit. Blargh. And Chem. ERRRGH. I'm gonna go watch my tape of Drew Carey.
posted by cinny chan 12:22:58 AM
Damn, I missed "Less Than Zero" and there aren't any future airings. Pooh. I read the book, and wanted to see the movie. It starrs Robert Downey Jr. and guess what the movie is about? Drug addiction. =) Oh well, I'll have to add that to the list of movies to watch before college. Hey, and Drew Carey airs everyday! I never knew it came on Sundays too. Ain't that cool. Well, I've written 3 reviews. I have 5 more to go, and one concluding one which makes 6. I'm listening to Green Day's "Waiting" which sounds surprisingly like that song "Downtown."
posted by cinny chan 2:54:02 PM
You know, before I head out to college, Imma stock up on band tees. Foofighters, Nirvana, silverchair, Lifehouse (if I can find one), Green Day, Godsmack. Oh man. I wish I could have 'em now.
posted by cinny chan 11:15:57 PM
Dude, have you guys seen Foofighter music videos? Super rad. Man, they always get me cracking. Dave and Taylor man. Dave reminds me of Jim Carey except he's not an actor, and he's more wilder, funnier, cooler, and can sing. Woo. Go watch "Everlong," "Learn to Fly," "Break Out," and their Mentos commercial! YES they have a Mentos commercial. Haha, that is the coolest shit I've ever heard of and seen.
posted by cinny chan 11:04:35 PM
It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts! -- By Tre...Tre Cool. Say it with a French accent, bebe.
Hey, I've still got that craving for Messican food. Lately, I've been eating hot sauce which I usually don't. It's hot sauce on everything. Next it'll be hot sauce on ice cream. Mmm mmm. But I'm just craving them beaner food. Burritos, chihuahuas, tamales, the whole schmultz. I want it all. Dammit. I wanna FART bad bean air!
I love Dave Grohl. I want to marry a guy like him, or better yet - HIM. A guy that only knows 3 words of Stairway to Heaven, and 8 minute song, and played it on national television. Some reporter asked him what he would do if he got a Grammy and he said, "I'd stick it up my ASS!!!!!" The fact that he's the ex-drummer of Nirvana, met silverchair, and probably one of the coolest bands in the world...and....ok I'm not sure what else. Funny, wild, weird, super coo-L (emphasis on the L) Dave Grohl - he's my man.
posted by cinny chan 10:36:08 PM
I have a pear-shaped body. Jeezuz. I want to be an apple! Haha, I'm kidding. I'm not even sure what that means, but I was taking all those little quizzes and stuff like "What Kind of Friend Are You?" and blah blah. It's amusing and just takes my mind off a lot of stuff. Damn, I forgot to tape "Dangerous Minds." Grrr. Oh well. I've yet to watch "Dead Poet's Society." I think I'll watch it next week when I actually have time. ::yawn:: Let's see who's gonna be on MAD tv tonight. Hmm...Green Day and O-Town. Aw man, Green Day would be perfect, but O-Town SUCKS. Jeezuz. Anyway, I got a mess of letters from coupla colleges again. Some look prospective, but I just don't like where they're located. Like Illinois, Texas, Florida. I've gotten 2 from Texas. Yeah, I'd love to live in a city named Waco. But what makes me feel inspired is I got two from NY of which I've heard of. Hmm. The others are not really on my mind. I'm just waiting for Columbia to send me one. Hehe. But that would never happen. You can COUNT on it. Oh yeah, my mom let me listen to the radio in the car. My mom cannot listen to the radio while the radio is on because it disturbs her concentration or something. But I brought my Lifehouse CD case, but when I got into the car and was on the road, I found that my CD wasn't in there - it was in my discman. SO damn. Funny thing was, my mom looked disappointed. Yeah so was I. But I just settled for the radio. That's twice now that she's let me listen to it. But when my sister turns it on, she tells her to turn it off coz it's annoying. YAY. Haha, that just PROVES my music is better. LoL. So anyway, my relationship between my mom is getting better. I've been a bit bummed for the past days because we got into a fight again, but it's all good now. I hope. I mean I've worked so hard to make amends and I don't wanna mess it up. It takes off the extra stress that I have from school. ::sigh:: So anyway, I've been meaning to talk about the financial problems my parents will have once my sister goes on to college. We bought a new car so that took a lot away from our savings leaving us with...not much. And my sister is going to a school where if my parents hadn't bought the car, they wouldn't have to worry about not being able to pay for her college tuition for several years. But they can barely pay for her first year, and then two years later, I'm gonna go off to college. (newsflash: Dead Poet's Society rerun - "O Captain, my Captain!") So we're in a big financial rut. And the loans are trickier than expected and can't pay off quickly. It's all too confusing. So I might have to go to Mt. Sac. Oh well that is fine with me. My future isn't going anywhere and I don't really care if it does. I'm not sure what my purpose on life is or was. So I'll just leave it like that.
Hmm...this whole weekend I've spent my days online quietly and peacefully. I have a private SN that nobody knows about, and I just check to see who's on. So that's the reason why I'm not on. Or at least not showing up on your list. But it feels nice not to get random messages or talk with people I don't feel like talking to. I just want to block myself from people right now and just enjoy the solitude. I think I'll go do my stuff now. Get a move on my long ass project. ::yawn::
posted by cinny chan 9:51:59 PM
I never thought that Blogger limited how much you wrote. Hah, oh wells, problem was solved. I overheard my mom and my sister talking about sex. And my sister learned that I came out accidentally just now. My mom told me that long time ago and I might have been upset at the time, but I don't think I am now. I didn't choose to come out and if I were to make the decision, I wouldn't have wanted to come out. I'd rather be floating my mother's ovaries waiting to be flushed out into the toilet. But things never happen the way you want it.
So, yesterday I stayed up till two watching "Popular." The episode just scared me to the pits. I'll give a rundown of what happened: There was a new student who was presumably gay because of the way he talked and stuff. Some guys aren't gay, but they just act and talk like they are subconsciously. But anyway, he was called "fag" and all that shit that high school kids love to resort to, to feel better about themselves. And one of the regulars on the show, Lily, was a wordly girl who was concerned about everything. She's the type of girl who'd help anyone in need. So, the "gay" guy was being picked on, and she thought that she should set up a support club for gay and lesbian rights. It would be a club to feel "safe" from the outside cruelty. But she forced her friends to join when some of them were uncomfortable joining. The only person who made it to the club besides her was Harrison. ::smiles with glee:: Harrison is the best! Anyway, instead of creating a safer environment, the situation got worse. The word "Fag" got graffittied on her locker. And her boyfriend got into a fight because he got called gay just because Lily was the leader of the gay club. Then, when things were just beginning to peal over, she and a teacher were coming out of a gay and lesbian services building, a bunch of guys jumped them. They jumped WOMEN. And there were 4 of them, and two women. The teacher was a pretty butch one, but Lily is probably like 102 lbs, and 5 ft. She's so tiny. But when I saw the part when they were going to get jumped, I just felt like I had a gun held to my head and I was just surprisingly angry. I mean watching all those Holocaust videos didn't really get much emotion from me, but when I saw that, I was just so pist off. Maybe the whole gay thing does affect me. I just can't understand why the world just can't ACCEPT people for who they are. I find myself being prejudiced even by my parents because I'm not like them and I stray from the norm. They wish I was more "normal." Other issues were discussed such as racism against the Jews (what a coincidence how we're talking about racism against Jews during WWII in both my history and english class). There was also prejudice against fat people. I love fat people. They're so jolly when they aren't being depressed. And the funniest people alive are fat people. But the only fat people I hate are the ones who think they're hot stuff and wear extremely tight clothing and act all snooty. But then I hate all people like that, regardless of body fat. And then there was where people felt interracial dating was disgusting. And, what else? Oh yeah, the stereotype that black people only steal. It was a whole birage of issues that were addressed. It was a bit overwhelming but got the message through than those stupid shows we had to watch during the elementary and junior high years. Anyway, I have to go to the library, and I'll have to continue this later.
posted by cinny chan 1:45:07 PM
cont. from 20010309 10:54:41
Hah, my friend is in a "love" dilemma. She likes guys complimenting her, and this one guy, let's call him Guy A, and another guy, which I'll call him Guy B. Guy A is your typical outcast, doesn't dress like everyone, mumbles to himself, extremely intelligent, etc etc etc. Guy B is innocent, dresses nice, hella quiet and shy, book-smart, what I would say perfect in the physical aspects, but personality/intellectually wise he is lacking big time. There are many more guys that I can describe that like my friend but I don't think I have enough space in the world to fill up descriptions of them, but for the time being, these guys are "in" her life as of now. So, Guy A is totally in LOVE with her. He writes her love poems, yadda yadda, compliments her on everything and for awhile she enjoyed the attention but thought it was just "play" or something. Me - I've got a sixth sense when people like each other. There's just this invisible attraction that I can sense so I knew from the first time she told me about Guy A, I knew that he would like her if he hadn't already. So, yesterday's edition of wooing her with his love poetry, was a bit to the extreme. It talked about how he would touch her "spot" and she would call to him, how he would feel her sweat and love it or blah blah. It was REALLY mushy, and probably came out of some trashy romance novel. Heh, sorry had to rub it in. But she thought he was being perverted, but I've seen poetry like that so I wasn't really all that disgusted. But she began to get scared. Well DUH. If you think about it, if a guy starts writing you love poems that are mushy already, what will happen when he's in LOVE with you? He'll write EXTREMELY mushy ones. So now she's scared of Guy A. I only laugh that she didn't stop this when she could have, but she was just enjoying him complimenting her in every way. I'm guessing it made her feel "special" and "beautiful." But I don't think fishing for compliments should be the way to feel that way. Because just by being her friend, I know that she IS special and beautiful in her own way. Everyone is. But I don't think she realizes it until a guy tells her. Damn those guys. So, now onto Guy B. Guy B is a great guy but he lacks conversation. I've HEARD their convos - all they talk about is school or shopping or something like that. It doesn't get any deeper than that. And I'm not sure that would be a great relationship. But, Guy B and her both like each other but haven't admitted it openly to each other but are playing a game which isn't so subtle. I swear, they're courting like it was back in the 1800s. But they both know they like each other but I'm not sure where it's going. It's pretty comical if you view it from my POV. Hehe. So that's her "love" life. Complicated as hell. But the thing is, she told me that Guy B is the first time she's ever liked a guy for his personality and not his looks. I'm proud. =) Woo!
Hmm...well speaking of relationships, in order of importance, I think it's essential that I can hold a LONG conversation with a guy. I hate pauses because they're so awkward, y'know what I'm saying? And when I mean convo, I just don't mean like, "so what's your favourite color?" and other corny questions like that. Like it could start out like that and just build onto deeper, more intellectual things I guess. The person that would fit closest to that is Damon, but however, I utterly despise him as of now so that will NEVER work out. Plus, whenever we talk, he just agrees. Or his thinking skills are just so screwed up that it's impossible to even argue with him. And I can't talk to him about wordly issues or whatever because he doesn't care. I mean, I don't care about certain issues but I'm bound to have an opinion on it even though I may not know much about it. And we have pauses. LONG ones. So that sucks. Ellen asked me why I wouldn't go for him during the time when he liked me (ick), and I told her that there was just something totally lacking and I didn't think it would work out because of it. At the time I didn't realize what it was, but now I know. Haha, Connie asked me the same thing and I told her that a few pieces of him were missing, and she took it like his schmenis was missing. LoL. Great one. Or something like that. And yeah Jackson, I saw his outfit today - he doesn't know what matches and what does. Hah. But what do you expect - he's a GUY. Or at least a very butch woman. Let's go with the latter.
My outfit today was all green. I was looking for my I don't know what you call it but it's sort of like a mini jacket but very thin. But I hadn't seen that in ages and I thought my mom hid it but I found it under a heavy jacket where it was hiding. So, I was celebrating my finding by wearing it the next day which was today. And just my luck, I had pants to go with it. So I was the green midget (I sure ain't a giant). No I wasn't horny, but it was the army type of green. John said I looked like Rambo. =) Oh yeah, I sported my gray tank top under it and also my jade ring (it's green too). So people were like, "Damn, you're all green today even down to your ring." Hah, they thought I gone fashion crazy or something. Maybe, but the BOOK I've been reading is a lot about fashion and that may have spurred my so-called "matching outfit" today. Yes, it's about FASHION. It really reminds me of American Psycho, because most of the book talked about Armani suits, and every designer in the whole world and who wore what of theirs. This book is ALMOST like that. So when I told Liem that the book was similar to American Psycho, I was speaking the truth. It's about fashion. You know what I learned about fashion? It's a gay man's world. And women designers are only gay men trapped in their bodies. Heheh. I want a t-shirt that says, "I cross dress my Ken doll." Haha. I would, if I had one. Man, I love gay people. Is that morally wrong? I think not. I think it's cool and gay people ROCK! Gay pride! I think when I've got enough money under my belt Imma donate to GLAD or those gay rights activist groups. And probably go on the gay march. My bro accidentally stepped into the march thinking it was just some sorta parade or celebration and he even got on TV when he realized that he was seen all across the nation on national TV of him supporting gayness or he was gay. Hehe. Anyway, today's episode on "Popular" is about someone dealing with their homophobia? oOh. How convenient. Anyway, this is Cinny signin' off with gay pride. May the fruits be with you.
posted by cinny chan 10:56:21 PM
Apparently, my blog was too big so I have to split it up. It's just split up so don't be confused.
I'm deeply in love with music. I think that will be my only true love in life. I'm not a big fan of Dave Matthews but this old song of theirs has just been stuck in my head for the longest time. Either it's called "Crush" or "Crash" I'm not particular the name because I hate it when titles don't have anything to do with the song or don't match the song that it's so FREAKIN' hard to find the song when you absolutely love it but miss it everytime the radio stations announces the band or the name of the song. That's why I make it my business to learn the names of just about every song I hear and who it's played by so I won't ever have to feel desparate when I really want to know who it's by. So I'm an adequate music buff. If you give me a band, I'll find some way to connect them to something or someone, or give a little background on them. All that research on bands when I first got the internet paid off. But it's also to my own personal satisfaction. I love just blurting out about music to people and have them just look at me like I'm totally nuts. I guess you would say I'm a fanatic. So, besides Dave Matthews, I've got into Alien Ant Farm. Here's their song "Movies:"
At slow speed we all seem focused
In motion we seem wrong
In summer we can taste the rain
I want you to be free
Don't worry about me
And just like the movies
We play out our last scene
Two can play this game
We both want power
In winter we can taste the pain
In our short years, we come long way
To treat it bad and throw away
You won't cry, I won't scream
In our short years we come long way
To treat it bad and throw away
And if we make a little space
A science fiction showcase
In our short film, a love disgrace
Dream a scene to brighten face
In our short years we come long way
To treat it bad, just to throw it awayThis song rocks, use it to your own accord. I'm not sure why this song even attracted me, but it was that one night when me and Jackson were listening to the radio and talking about music and I turned onto KROQ and he said this song was weird but I had heard of it but never paid attention to it really. But right then when I heard it once again, I got hooked and downloaded it right away. There's just something good about the vocals. I'll listen to someone's voice and that usually will determine if I'll like the band or not. And I noticed that I like it when the vocalist sings with all his heart, which are usually the ones that scream. But it's not like incoherent screamings, but it's sort of drawn out screamings. If you listen to "Movies," you'll know what I'm talking about. It's when he says "Just like the moo-veeees" I'm a sucker for that kinda stuff. But I think the most beautiful voice among guys hands down is the lead singer of Gin Blossoms. Toad the Wet Sprocket in "All I Want" is probably second, and then it'll be Jason Wade. And the list runs on... But the reason why I choose Gin Blossoms although they aren't exactly my favourite band, the guy has a really sweet, innocent voice. Yet it sounds great too. Not the pubescent type of voice that some singers have today, although they DO sound sweet and innocent. Anyway, that's my not-so daily rundown of music news.
You know how yesterday was a great day? Well today just sucked BITCHES. I was almost late to first period and I came in reading my book "Fashionably Late." So I didn't bother putting it in my backpack and so when it was time for passing period, I just grabbed my book and put thought I'd put it in my backpack later when I wasn't really in a rush. But before I could, my friend Liem asked what book that was. Okay, let's stop there and comment. I hate it when people are so nosy with the littlest things. Yeah, I do it too, but I hate myself as well. But it annoys me how she's always like butting into my convos with my friends or wanting to know what we're saying when it's obvious that we're whispering which is obvious that we don't want anyone to hear? I dunno but when people talk in a different language or whisper, I don't bother to ask them what they said because it's personal and they don't want me to hear. I respect their privacy and sometimes I'll get out of hand and want to know but it's because I'm not thinking. But it just pisses me off that she just has to know every single little thing, and I believe that there is a limit to curiosity. Who else killed the cat? Anyway, I think it was her who said this, but someone said something about how it was a romance novel and either she told people or her voice carried (it's a little LOUD) so that freaking 50 billion people overheard. So now, people think I'm some kind of mushy, romance FREAK. I know I don't care much about reputation, but the reputation I DO hold is that I am NOT a mushy FUCKING ROMANCE FREAK! I don't READ romance novels, and if I do, it's because the book title/cover was decieving! And when I realize what it is, I'll put it down and never touch it again until I return it to the library! My SISTER reads romance novels. She reads Danielle Steel and I KNOW that's trashy romance stuff. Because I came upon one before and now I can decipher which are romance novels under disguise and which are not. Romance novels have the titles with "Angel" or "The Gift" or something with two words or one. But that excludes stuff like "Depression," "Suicide," "Death." The only romance in that would be the ardor for killing oneself. Dammit, and after that I was just so pist off. I couldn't really think and I got mad at one of my friends who teased me and I knew she was just teasing me but I snapped at her. I felt sorry and I'm glad that she didn't take it offensively because she knew I was already mad. Anyway, I have to apologize to Jackson because I thought he was the one who said that. There were a lot of people and I only heard him saying about how it was crap or something so I assumed it was him who said that and I acted like a real bitch around him today. So I'm sorry man. =( But the more I thought about what people were thinking, the more pist I got. Sometimes I''ll just care about what people are saying/thinking about me when it comes to some things that get me deep down, but most of the time I won't give a rat's ass about what people say/think about me. That was just one of the few things that got to me. So I thought about it all throughout 2nd and 3rd period, and got over it around 4th, but then in English, Tatiana came in the room and announced to the class about my "romance" book. I wanted to slap her and I don't care if she was sick for however many weeks with MONO. Dude, I was just getting OVER it and then she came and rekindled the fire. All the anger that I had boiled up inside just sorta lashed out and I slammed this unpushed chair that was ALWAYS unpushed but I never felt the need to push it in, but right then I just slammed it in. And I was just sort of yelling at anyone who talked to me. Jared told me to calm down a lot and I sort of did for awhile. But I still was really angered and I remained quiet for the rest of the period. We were talking about whether or not if it was ok to give consent to kill someone who was on life support and stuff like that. And this was something I discussed in a blog way back so I don't think I need to explain my thoughts on it. But what I did not bring up is, ASK your loved ones if they want the plug to be pulled so then you don't have to worry about if they will live or not. Right when I got home, I asked my mom what she wanted and she told me to pull it. :) My mom is cool like that. Finally something we agree on. And she even made me realize some things about that issue that I hadn't thought of before when I thought I had covered it all. Funny, and I saw my horoscope somewhere that said not to underestimate an elder that seemed unintelligent because they'll make you feel blown away. So that was pretty cool. Now I have to ask my dad. I'm thinking he'll be saying the same thing. But if you don't now, my own personal theory/statement what have you is that if someone wants to die whether they're physically sick or disabled and they just want to die than suffer later, or they're emotionally or mentally sick of life, LET THEM DIE FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I don't see the difference between physical pain and emotional pain because when you're in physical pain, the emotional pain comes along with it because you're scarred for life and will never be the 'whole' person you once were. And emotional pain...is well...just...bad. So I'm all for Dr. Kevorkian. It sorta surprised me that Jared was against it, but sometimes people cease to amaze me. All the Christians/religious people were evidently against it. Typical, but it's a sin in all religions. Suicide in Buddhism means in the next 500 lifetimes (they believe in reincarnation) you will commit suicide. But what I find faulty within that statement is that if you kill yourself, and say it's like your #100 life, doesn't that mean the 500 lifetimes of suicide start over again? And in order to commit suicide in one life, you must have done it in the lifetime before, thus the cycle never ends. You will COMMIT SUICIDE until all your lifetimes run out. And I don't think they ever will. So, that totally doesn't make sense and I totally discard that from my mind. Anyway, I'm going off topic again. But I'm sorry Jackson for getting mad at you for no reason.
posted by cinny chan 10:54:41 PM
I
blamethank God for my good mood today. It's one of those "after-horrible-days-the-rebounding-makes-you-feel-good-day." But yesterday night, or should I say early this morning, around midnite and beyond, my mood shifted from horribly depressed and angry, to extremely jubilant. I think because I was talking to someone, and when I talk, I vent so all my anger spills away from me, and my happiness returns for a short while. My happiness likes to take tons of vacations. That bastard. I think also that I was listening to Reel Big Fish last night (happy music) and it just got me in a better mood. And, I was just talking to Jackson and ended up not doing any of my work once again and I was tired so I just said, "Fuck it" coz my internet connection was going screwy on me, and went to sleep. I think God gave me a break or something because today, everything was just going my way. In PE, we finally won our first football game. I even pulled some girl's flag in the process. Today is also the day that a lot of my friends will be asking guys out to Sadies, so I hope for the best. ::crosses fingers:: Good luck, guys! Then, skip to English. For awhile I've been endlessly bored in English and pretty mad at my teacher for awhile. Today seemed like those days when I actually had "fun" in the class. We actually got onto the subject of Christian Bale. DUDE, that just brightened up my day even more. Maria thinks he's cute too, and she LOVES Swing Kids. Hey I knew that girl was cool. Hah, we seem to have a lot in common. And then Mr. Chang brought up how Christian Bale was in American Psycho which was totally random, coz I was expecting him to make a comment on Christian Bale's acting. And then I blurted out how I saw that movie. Heehee, and he said that now I REALLY was going to stick a knife on him someday. Ya got that right bitch. LoL just kidding. But I guess it may seem like it because American Psycho IS notorious for all the gory scenes of ruthless murder, menage-a-trois, cannibalism, and all this other junk. I mean it was supposed to be NC-17 but they cut out some scenes just to barely meet the R rating. The movie seriously isn't for kids (I think people still consider us kids considering how we act) and I watched it, actually anticipating it...so hmm. All I gotta say is that the book is a lot worse than the movie, as in gore-wise. But the characters were portrayed to perfection in the movie. But basically, the movie/book has a really twisted plotline, yet absurdly funny. Ok ok, what am I raving on again about? Oh yeah, Christian Bale. So...Jackson took the mention of his name to mention Jason Wade and how hot he was. Heehee. But yeah that's cool. Anyway, a couple days ago, Mr. Chang was putting on his jacket or something and he like...lifted his arms which made his shirt go up above his tummy, I saw his FLAB. ::shudder:: Like you know when your pants are too tight, and that flab from your stomach just hangs? That's what his was. And then TODAY, he was yawning or something to make his shirt go up again and I saw tons of flesh which I regretted seeing and it looked totally DISGUSTING. I told Jackson about how I saw a it some days ago, and then he saw for himself today. Some of the class saw it too but me and Jackson just started busting out laughing coz we saw it..ewwww. I described it as his flab looking like he was pregnant or something and he had a C-section and the scars never healed. Either that, or it was really bad stretch marks. Dude, it was like marroonish color looking skin. Maybe he has skin cancer? Dunno. But it was just nasty. Jackson told me it was hair, but that makes the image worse. I've seen my dad's belly and my dad has a pretty big belly, but it's not maroon! It's the color of how the rest of his skin is. So I dunno about that. Oh yeah, and Chang apologized to me about how he was joking when he made comments to me about how I was going to stick a knife on him and stuff and he only did it because I looked bored. Oh man, you have no idea how many times he said he was sorry. Wow, what a guilty conscience. But it was cool, coz when do you ever hear a teacher apologize to a student? But I think he was feeling guilty coz I asked him why I scared him. (He said that the person that scared him most was me - heehee) I was just curious because I do seem weird to the "norm." Even to people who are a little weird, and I talk to them, they look at me like I'm a total nutjob. So I was assuming that was probably it.Well, my perfectly good mood was ruined right now. The fact that my parents not having any money to send my sister to college didn't even phaze me, but me and Damon just had a little argument and I'm just pist off now. He's been pissing both me and Jackson off a lot lately. The thing with him is that the only person who he looks out for is himself. He's selfish. Egotistical. Pompous. Jerk. Need I say more? He hates this girl just because she doesn't "appeal" to him. Like ANYONE ever does. It's like nobody in the friggin' world is good enough for him. Only pretty girls like Ellen and Liem and stuff. Everyone else is shit to him. I think if we hadn't become good friends in 8th grade, I'd be put on his "hey-let's-go-pick-on-the-ugly-girl" list. Like he's so great looking himself. But even with Ellen and Liem, he's got a tif with them because they're "better" than him in some ways that he can't compete. And he hates anyone that is better than him. Well listen up bub, there are MILLIONS that will be better, bigger, and will kick your ass in just about everything so don't be sulking and trying to cause people trouble for the few that are better than you. I just hate people like that. He's the type of person that will take but won't be willing to give. Because the best gain is only his gain. My mom is like that and so is my sister. You know what he told me? He said he WOULD feel sorry for this girl because she wasn't able to get a B in the class. WTF. I hate to reveal and make anyone feel low, but a girl that he "likes" was on the verge of getting a C. She was a TENTH of a point away. So what does he have to say about that? But he hates this other girl because she gets a C. Isn't that a little pompous of him to think that he can hate a person based on how they do academically? Jackson, he has something for you too just because you accused him of being lazy yet you don't get the grades he gets. TOTAL FUCKING PRICK. You know, for the longest time, I've kept my anger in for all the stuff he says and do's but I'm not sure I can contain it any longer. It may be 8th grade all over again, but longer and worse. I just never seem to pick the right friends nowadays. But then again, he was never like that. It's bad influence. And there's no going back. Gosh, I am just SICK of people like him.
I think I'll finish my English, read a little and then go to bed early for once. All this anger isn't doing me any good. If any of you see Damon, smack him as hard as you can and tell him it's from me. Coz I don't have the time nor energy for him, as he doesn't have the time for the people who aren't "good" enough for him.
posted by cinny chan 9:05:23 PM
Say it ain't soo-whoa-oh-oh... It's the Weee-zah! (Weezer) Anyway, have you guys seen that commercial for the movie "Say It Ain't So?" It's about some guy who falls in love with some girl and just when he thinks that things couldn't get any better, his mom tells him it's his long lost sister or something. Eww. ::sigh:: Oh yeah, as I perused through my daily blog sites that I read, I found a site on GoMakross's site which led to the most yuckiest person I've ever seen. He seems like he's Indian, and claims he's a "rock" star with sold out shows, and he calls himself an "Asian Prince" looking for his princess (gag) Sounds like your typical horny, Middle Eastern jigalos. But it gets worse. He's got a mullet haircut and thinks it's stylish. Yeah, as stylish as pantyhose over your head. This is what he has to say about himself, "From this picture alone, you can ascertain that I have excellent hygeine. My face is flawless. People tell me my eyes are very sexy. Also, they are always making eye contact with me. It is very flattering. Even men do it, but sorry guys, I'm not gay! I guess my eyes just have some kind of mystique attribute." ICK!
For once in my life when I say this, I will actually mean it as an insult....QUEER! Eyes very sexy? He's got all that mascara caked all over him, he's as sexy as a white-trash whore. And the people trying to make eye contact with him are trying to make fun of him. OMG never in my life have I ever seen this before. I'm thinking it's a joke, but it seems real at the same time. And he's wearing LIPSTICK? How can he NOT think he's gay. I've seen drag queens that look more decent than him. ::shudder:: Oh, think of the nightmares. Hands down, that is the GAYEST looking fag I've ever seen. I cannot believe he thinks he looks sexy!!! I can look at any guy now and say they are "decent" looking after I saw this. Oh MY GOSH. But if you want to amuse yourself by looking at more pictures and little anecdotes about the pictures, here's the page.
posted by cinny chan 9:45:45 PM
I was watching the "Swing Kids" trailer and there's a lot of scenes that I didn't see in the movie. I got jipped! That sucks. No wonder when the girl who didn't know a thing about swing came out on the dance floor, all of a sudden knew how to dance like a pro. Bitches. I want to see the WHOLE version!
posted by cinny chan 6:49:00 PM
With my own depressive life and mood, it seems like everyone was stricken with the same depression today. Jackson - overheard something about "Snow White" liking some guy in track and he's been cursing all day. That must hurt him a lot to find she likes some other guy. That really sucks. If only we all could not like anyone and have no feelings of "love" except for brotherly and sisterly love, it'd be great. Because all this heartbreak is caused by the other type of love. Life just loves to kick a guy when he's down. Connie - when she begins to just like a guy who liked her before, he rejects her. I think she's just misinterpreting what he told her, but she feels it's rejection. Vipul - sick. And there are others except I can't really remember now. My mind is just clouded somewhat. I can't think of anything positive to say. I am still pist about my parents - the anger is here to stay. And I don't know, but seeing Mr. Chang, since he's an older Asian, I've let my anger out on him because he reminds me of my parents. He's been pissing me off lately as well and I gave him major attitude today. He told me I was hostile, NO FUCKING SHIT I'm hostile! But I felt a little guilty after I talked back and I just smiled. He joked that one day I'd stick a knife to his throat. Har har, very funny. You don't joke about things like that. Coz it could happen. So anyway, he also asked me to tell the class what he told us and I just stared at him dumbly like he was speaking alien or something. I just feel like being a total bitch to anyone who just seems REMOTELY like my parents. They deserve it. I'm just so fucking pist at the Asian parents in these worlds. Why can't they be SUPPORTIVE of their children instead of forcing them to do stuff they don't want? Why can't be they be considerate to how their kid is feeling instead of telling them to suck it up and then go off about how they had it harder. Why waste your breath in telling those stories nobody wants to hear and just try and BOND with your kid? Why can't you guys just fucking do that? Why can't you be fucking NICE for once? Why can't you stop yelling at them about all their flaws? Why can't you stop telling absolute lies about your kid to your friends who don't give a deep shit about how smart they are, and then within your own confinements you tell your kid how utterly STUPID and worthless they are? Just shut the fuck up. This is why I HATE being Asian at times. The parents don't care about their kids. There is no love, just bitterness and resentment. It's nice to know, someone who's my age, and feels the same way about his parents. Thank god for others out there.
They should make school start at 10 because today I was fully alert. I didn't put my head down once and it was great. That would make things a lot better if they moved it up. I'm going to go decipher some stupid poem my damn English teacher gave us. I'm sick of his curriculum. His class is utterly boring now. What was I thinking in wanting to take his class next year?
posted by cinny chan 5:45:15 PM
Hey, I just looked at the TV guide and Dead Poet's Society is gonna come at 3 AM! Woo. Imma go tape it. Woo! Or should I wait and tape it on Saturday, when it reairs? Hmmm...such a quandary..
posted by cinny chan 1:34:56 AM
Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Coz I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'Coz even when you're wrong
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
And when...
When the night falls on you baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by youThat has got to be the greatest song. Ok, not the greatest but it's pretty great. I remember hearing it the first time when I saw the previews for Keanu Reeve's new movie "A Walk In the Clouds" and that was the theme song. I was absolutely mesmerized. It took me 5 years later to realize who it was by and what the song was called. Thanks to Napster. But right now I wish I had someone that I could talk to as described in the song. And I mean like a paternal or maternal figure. I'm deprived of someone in my life such as that. And I realized that friends just don't cut it. Sure, they make up for most of my lonliness but how long can that last? Sometimes my friends tell me how they had a squabble with their parents and they say how unfair their parents are, and I've met their parents and realize how lucky my friends are to have them. And that they wouldn't feel so ungrateful if they were in position with my parents. So what's the situation at my house now? I'm not so sure because I fell asleep and woke up at 10, and ate my dinner at 11. That was the first time I've ever took my dinner so late. I ate alone, on my computer, waiting for it to scan. Those bad sectors that I had evidently got worse and my computer wouldn't go into Windows until I did some scanning that took more than two hours. And I couldn't leave my computer idle because my screen would go black and I had to press a key, to continue the scanning process or it remained where it was. So that was an ass. So, I just read my book "Fashionably Late" that I checked out from the library. It's quite interesting. I walked upon it when the librarian kicked us out from the table that was too big and I went over to sit next to the paperbacks, and I was just turning that metal bookrack around and I saw the book and thumbed through it, seeing if it was even remotely interesting. It was. So I was thinking about checking it out when I had to the time, and I did. It's about a Jewish woman who makes it big among the fashion industry. That's a nice little twist, a Jewish woman. You never hear about Jewish designers. But it's cool. And she's not your typical gay, male designer like Versace and whoever. She's a bit plump, came from a rather dysfunctional family, and her husband is a total snob, meaning rich, handsome, expects everyone to do everything for him. And she wonders how she was able to pry him away from his engagement to one like himself when she who was middle classed, chubby, not so great looking, and was an aspiring designer. That's neat, I think. It may sound like a cheesy "romance" novel, but it's not even about romance. I was just giving the skinny on her. So anyway, she's adopted and wants to find her birth mother. But I read the last couple of pages (I hate surprises and I want to know the endings before I get through the whole novel because I don't care if I spoil the ending for myself - I like knowing) and her adopted mother really is her real mother but she never told her. What kinda freako mother is that? Btw, her mother is a total bitch. And I'm not saying that because she never told her her daughter was really her daughter, but how she talks and stuff. People who talk in the third person without amusement in their voice is utterly conceited. Such as the Rock. Or whoever. Sometimes I'll use it, but I'm being sarcastic or something. Sarcasm is my life, without I don't think I could live through life. Going back to the story, she can't have a baby although she really wants one. Because she didn't know her real mother and for that loss, she wanted one, just to continue her genes. Because she just didn't want it to end it with her. I think that's a pretty legible reason for wanting a baby. But her husband is a total dick about it, although he tries to be "supportive" of her infertility. Damn those rich pricks. So, she thinks of all the unwanted children and asks her husband if they could adopt and refuses violent saying he didn't want no white-trashed, promiscuous bitch in his home. What a slap in the face, because his wife was adopted. Total bastard. Yeah, and to show his bastard-ness even more, he has an affair with his wife's sister, and she catches him in the act. LOSER! Hah, wow, in the books I used to read, I don't think there was that much scandal in them. The most scandal was a bully bullying some nerd or something. I don't know. But anyway, the thing that makes this story keep me reading is that this lady is from Brooklyn. Woo, Brooklyn! I love the accent and the lady talks about how awful her Brooklyn accent is. Well, it sort of is. It's a bit "white-trashy" sounding in a way, but I still like it. And, one of the colleges that mailed me a letter today was mentioned in the book. So the school might have some significance. Hmm. And, another coincidence is that she attended Pratt Institute, which is where my bro graduated from. OoOh. It get's better. And her best friend attended Columbia. This book is great. I can "connect." Hah. I love it. This might be the next author that I'll look for in the library bookshelves. Mmm, I'm drinking a beverage that looks like blood and tastes like it would be blood. It's got that sharp, stinging taste. The only thing is, it's not as thick as blood, coz I diluted it with water. Hehe, it's not blood, it's something called Ribensin. You can find it in your local Asian supermarkets. It's supposedly good for your health. Tastes like candy too! Remember, it's vita-meta-vegamin. Just kidding. I love that episode. I think there are some "I Love Lucy" episodes that I haven't watched, which is a wonder. Oh yeah, I heard that Ricky (Desi Arnez) beat Lucy. That DICK! Yeah, it's male-bashing time. They're such egotistical pricks sometimes. Ugh. I think the only decent ones are the gay ones. Seriously. Those guys are super nice and it's just like being friends with another girl, yet...strangely enough they're guys. I think that's why Damon such a good friend back in the day. Hah. So anyway, I gotta find me a gay best friend. Karen, the main character in the book I'm reading had a gay best friend in HS, which she couldn't have made it without him. Hehe, he's funny. A friend with weed is a friend indeed. (Placebo) But look at Julia Roberts in "My Best Friend's Wedding," her second best friend was George, played by Rupert Everest. He was the coolest. Heh, he pretended to be engaged to her, and he pulled it off quite well as a straight man. See, the gay guys are always there for you. That's it, I'm going to San Francisco! I guess that will be my second choice, to go in the Bay Area. Northern Cali is pretty cool, I mean they got abundant supply of water there and people sunbathe nude, what's not to like? Hahah. And I'm probably gonna take an art class here or there, meaning NUDE MODELS! LoL. Ay carumba!
I'm feeling a bit better now than how I was towards the afternoon. I woke up to my dad bitching to my uncle about my mom. For the first time, I can say that I did not start anything because most of the times, I don't even know HOW it started, but my mom wants to keep rekindling the fire that has been out for weeks. Like she wants to create a forest fire when we're trying to desparately drench it in water. I wish she could learn to just shutup for once. I have. But she takes it as an insult if she has to shutup. But the truth is, nobody really gives a fuck about what she has to say because it's usually dumb, or so retarded. I sound the same way so I don't say anything. Hence, the reason why I'm so quiet in school. Anyway, this has been on my mind for quite a while. Do girls really like a guy just because he pays them compliments? That seems to be the case with one friend. I mean, paying compliments is one thing, but I ask, WHY do they pay them? To get jiggy with them? Na na na na... Haha, that was SO unaccounted for. Anyway, you gotta watch out for them sweettalkers. They know how to con you into anything. You'll just be like butter on a hot pan. And, some guys, although rare nowadays are afraid to admit a girl is pretty because he thinks that'll give away that he likes her. I think that's cute. It's old-fashioned, and I think I'm pretty old-fashioned, or at least I like the traditional ways. I hate to see agressiveness on both sides, and especially on the girl's side because then in my opinion, the girl is basically whoring herself. For the reason, I will never make the first move.
Hey I noticed that I mention guys everytime I blog. What has happened? Has the hormonal rage taken over me? I think so. I never really was interested probably until around High School started. ::sigh:: I feel not like myself anymore. But anyway, today in English, we were watching the remaining parts of the Anne Frank documentary and when it ended, I was stretching and I looked to my left first, then to my right, and "Christian" sits to my right all the way across the room, but when I looked right, he was just staring at me. And it wasn't just his head, he had his whole body turned toward me and looking at me with an expression I can't describe. Not dreamy, but it looked more like worry. I don't think I'm making him worry or anything, but I just find it funny how he was just...doing that. I looked at him and gave him a look like "What are you looking at?" and turned away, but I saw from the corner of my eye that he still didn't turn away. Hehe, maybe he's looking at our teacher's aide. OoOh. Coz one time he came over and sat next to me, but when I looked at him, he was staring at her. Hehehehe =X He likes those kinds of girls. Hehe....oooh. Too bad she's already taken by Toda. Lalala...anyway, I'm glad Dan's site is finally up and running again. Now I feel like I have something to look forward to when going online again. Well, it's probably one AM by now and I guess I'll go sleep again. I did nothing once again. Procrastination is getting me nowhere. Well, at least I get to sleep in for 2 more hours, since it's reverse minimum day. ::yawn:: I'll hit ya peepz up later. A bientot.
posted by cinny chan 1:30:33 AM
How can you justify that you're an adult? When you get letters that address you with "Ms. Cynthia Chen." Hell yeah? I'm not sure. It's exciting I guess because I wish to grow up and be independent, yet all the while I wish to remain a child forever just without the parental restraints. Anyway, I got two letters from two colleges. One I've heard of, the other I have no idea except that it's from "New Yawk." I was pretty excited about them both because hey, I feel smart. But my sister gets 'em all the time since she's going to college after this year, so I shouldn't feel that way. But it's fun to feel excited about college - it's something I just look forward to so eagerly. I just can't wait to be rid of my life now, and my parents. Yesterday, I had that fight with my mom and we're not exactly speaking. My dad's just overwhelmed with all the fighting and the fact that I really don't care if I go to a community college or not. I remember I used to have really high expectations like going to some Ivy League school and how I wanted to be a doctor and just this year more or less, I realized that all of those things I felt were bullshit. It was my parents' influence that made me feel that way. In a way, they tried to brainwash me into becoming something I now know that I would regret for the rest of my life - a doctor. I can't stand biology, chemistry, or any other science out there, yet they made me read stupid science books when I was little but I never read them, or I pretended that I read them. And I was an avid reader, always picking up another book before I finished one. (My mom got mad at me when I did that - jeez, what is there to get mad at? At least I'm READING, right?) But I just hated science. That was always my worst subject in school since we begun to study science to this day. I can't believe they were going to let me ruin my life until I stuck my foot in the door and said, "You can't run my life anymore - it's time *I* had a say in where I wanted my life to lead." And that's how it's sort of been for a year or so now. My parents can't really stop me in what I want to do. I remember my dream was to go to Columbia and the only way that I kept that dream alive was because my parents said how smart I was and how I would make it. All lies. If I were smart, I wouldn't be living with them - I'd find a way to get rid of the miserable life I lead as of now. If I was smart, I could write brilliant papers, but evidently I can't. If I were smart, I would be able to understand chemistry, biology and all that other shit. But I can't. I find myself wallowing in confusion in science, and I'm just bored with school as a whole. I'm just hoping college will give me another chance at regaining some sense of happiness that has been void in my life for many years now. And it doesn't matter where I go, as long as I get OUT of here. I know it hurts my dad to hear me say how I don't give a damn if I end up going to a community college, when my sister herself is going to a UC school or something or other, when since I was a kid, I showed them I was capable of doing better than my sister could have ever done. They had always depended on me to be the one who went to some big name college and make tons of money. They didn't really see that in my sister. Well, here's my sister's chance to steal the limelight and prove them what she got. I've hated being in that spot since I was a kid because although I was praised, I was cut down to pieces many times like, "We thought you were smart and had brains, yet you do something SO stupid. What happened to your brains?" Oh gee, that makes me feel great. I've been getting that since I was a kid. They tell me I'm something, and then when I screw up just a little (I'm a FUCKING kid, you're supposed to screw up in life - that's how you learn) they make me feel like I was the dumbest kid in the world. What kind of parents are those? And when I say parents now, I mean BOTH. Because most of those comments that I just mentioned above came from my dad. How could I have been so blind? All this time I had confidence in my dad, I loved him more than my mom, and I thought he was there with me 100% but I find he isn't. He's just so prideful and wants to show off so badly that I don't think he really cares what I want. I remember when I was around 10 years old, he had a close friend who was Mexican who had kids that got like 1400 on their SATs, and went to some nice school and stuff. And he told me that I was Asian, so I MUST get 1500 or above and do better, because I was Asian, and Asians were smarter than Mexican. He said that it would be embarrassing for him if I got like 1000 or something and got into a JC. I didn't exactly know how to feel, but I knew I felt anger and shame that I somehow wasn't fulfilling what my dad felt was "satisfactory." So, as a kid, I worked my ass off, earning straight A's consecutively and appealing to my parents academically in every way. And I realize NOW, that I don't need all that. The only satisfaction that I need is my own, and if they aren't there to support me they can just go suck it. Call me selfish, but it's high time that I've thought about myself, and my LIFE, not theirs. All my life, I've been trying to satisfy the selfish whims of my parents but not anymore. I seriously can't feel any sense of "love" for them because they've "killed" me. They are the reason why I can't show affection to anyone, they are the reason why I'm so bitter, they're the reason why I'm so radical, they're the reason for every negative thing about me, because they pushed me too far and this is how I'm retaliating. And right now I don't care how much I hurt them because I've lived more than half of my lifetime in hurt and I just can't stand it anymore. I just can't. This is all just coming out because I thought my dad would always be there for me, but he just isn't. He just seems like he is but he really isn't. And my grandma is gone, so all hope is lost for me. I don't have anyone to turn to nor anyone I want to turn to. These are the reasons why I just feel like I want to end it right here and now. When you don't have anyone else left in the world to love, what's left? What reason is there for living? I think I understand now what Jackson was telling me - how important love was and how it kept him living. Or I think that's what he said. Life is cruel, and bad parents make it worse. My decision is to go where I want to go, do what I want to do, and if anyone stops me - just watch out.
I didn't know what was wrong with me today but now I know why - it was all that I wrote above. I guess I feel a tad bit better now that I had to say what I said. But the fact that nobody hears, especially how it doesn't reach the ears that I want it to, doesn't make me feel all that better. Because I've been trying to tell my parents various times and they just changed the subject or argued to say I was ruining my life. If I want to ruin my life, I will. The fact that *I* did it will give me the personal satisfaction that I had my say in it.
I have a feeling that my computer is going to crash on me. There are "bad sectors" that I can't fix on my computer and I can't do any scan disk or disk refragmentor. Fucking piece of shit. I seriously need a new computer but I haven't said anything, but just been using it. My printer sucks too. It runs out of ink so fast and we have to constantly buy ink. Shit. And if anything breaks down, I have to go "running" to my parents asking them for stuff. That's what I just HATE. I hate asking anyone for help, I hate when anyone puts me down and making me feel small. So if I were independent, no one could do that...or at least I wouldn't have to go running to someone for help, every time I needed something.
I wasn't going to talk in English today let alone utter a word, but something in that class just compels me to just speak out sometimes. My teacher was leaving our class for 2 minutes, and then he came back in and said he would be leaving for 5 minutes and I said, "Yeah, he has to go take a dump too." And everyone in the room just stared at me and went, "Eww!" He said that was "So vulgar." His aide didn't know what vulgar meant and she looked it up in the dictionary. Uh..lame. But anyway, I'm thinking lots of people are becoming to think I'm weird, which I am. The "she-fell-down-the-stairs-too-many-times-when-she-was-little" weird. Which is true too, because I did fall down when I was walking down the stairs. SO I was afraid to go up the stairs when I was little coz I would fall. That's what happens when you got short, chubby legs. But I mean, what's wrong with making that sort of comment? I do it ALL the time and that wasn't even half bad. I've said worse. And why do people think going to the bathroom is so gross? It's not gross, it's natural. That's why people go "nature is calling?" Jeez. Some people believe that childbirth is the most beautiful thing in the world. And that's a LOT worse than seeing little pieces of feces floating around in the toilet. Man, lighten up. Saying, "I need to take a leak" or "I need to take a crap" is OK. What is so demeaning about it? You gotta go, so you gotta go. If you say that "I got to take a dump" is so vulgar, then asking to be excused to the restroom is too. It's the same concept, it's a matter of excreting materials out of your body. Jeezuz. I know I'm taking it all out of proportion but people just need to relax and take some Prozac or whatever is out there. I'm going to try and make an effort to just shutup and not smile because that class is just pissing me off more and more. I think the only class that I can openly smile in is French because my French teacher is a sweet lady. And I don't feel like I have to shutup or whatever. Goddamn, why can't I just express myself freely without some fat guy waiting to chastise me? I'm a kid, and I've got a mouth and brain. This is my way of USING it. Jeezuz! I wish everyone would just get their heads out of their asses and stop being total tightwads. Shit, can't a girl just HAVE some happiness once in her life? Apparently not. God wanted me to suffer so then that's that. Can't change it, and I certainly don't blame Him. I'm sure there's a logical explanation but I haven't figured it out yet. I think I should just turn goth. Those people get respect at least and everyone's afraid to mess with them because they fear you're gonna do voodoo on them or whatever. Maybe I will...
posted by cinny chan 5:38:56 PM
I'm debating over whether or not today was a good day or a bad day. I'm leaning towards bad. Well, it started off good coz we got our papers back and I won the bet. Hahaha Connie has to flirt with this guy she likes. ::cough:: She was so confident today too that I was gonna lose. Woo that's like what? My undefeatable billionth win? Yep, that was slickness. So, my days went purdy well I would say. Hey, you know what I realized? It makes me laugh to hear guys talk "gay" to each other. You know? Like they're a couple or something. Coz in math, there's that cute guy who sits next to me, and a guy who sits behind him who always kid around and act gay and stuff. Like "How DARE you speak to me that way? That's it, you're sleeping on the couch tonight." or "Oh, I missed you so much, don't you feel the same?" "Not really. ::gasp:: ::fake slap::" Guys, ahhaha. I have the luxury of sitting next to these guys. Hot damn, and the cute one sits next to me right? He went to Dizzyland with his gf. Bah, he's cute! Not to mention smart, white (ok that doesn't really matter), he's one of those unique guys, I don't know what his original hair color is anymore, he's skinny, he's hella sarcastic which leads to great personality, dresses nice, and seems nice. Dude, that is the "perfect" guy right there that I described in my info. Oh yeah, he listens to the same kinda music I do. Man, he gets extra brownie points for that. But darn, he's taken and seems purdy happy. I've seen her and she looks like Leelee Sobieski, you know the girl that played "Joan of Arc" and she was also in "Never Been Kissed" (the nerd girl - not Josie Grossie). And dude, do you know how many times I've dropped my calculator in front of him? I did it again today and each time, it goes farther towards his direction. I don't do it intentionally but he probably thinks I do because it's happened so many times. Either that, he thinks I'm one klutzy girl. LoL, well his gf is pretty much the same - I've seen her in the hallways bumping into a bunch of people. Hehe. Oh well. Umm, today I was just desparately craving to read some books so I went to the library and just checked out some books and the librarian looked at the books I checked out and she asked me if I read a lot, and I said I did (well used to at least) and then she asked me if I wanted to be the reading club. Ok, for most of you you'd automatically think, "NERD ALERT" I was actually interested. Well excuse me for being a nerd! I'm proud too biatches so shove that up your yap. I like books - that's why I'm here today the way I am. So anyway, she asked me to ask my teacher more about it and so I did ask him and he thought I was a total idiot. Fuck you Mr. Chang. He was all sarcastic about it. Damn. Vipul called me a nerd, and I should have just whupped his ass on curry jokes but I wasn't thinking much about it at the time. Bitch. I think I WILL join the reading club. The nerds of America will be the ones whipping that crack on you future factory workers so yeah, make fun of them now but later you will pay for it dearly. ::sneers:: Then later, Jackson said the book I checked out was a piece of shit. Maybe, but it was a vampire book so I checked it out. Vampires are a mystery to me and I'm butter on a hot stove when I see vampire books. So I snagged it. And I finished it within an hour. It wasn't all that good, but it was ok I guess. It had to do with the supernatural so that sorta made up for the cheesiness. Later, I got my two last videotapes for my project, and then at the dinner table, I was peacefully eating my dinner and my mom brought up the fucking interview that I have to go to on the first day of my spring break. I did not mention a word about how I didn't want to go, I just said I had to go and that's that. In her own mind, she concocted some negative things and started raving on about it and it pist me off. So I just backlashed and we fought the same fight we always fight. I held back other stuff I wanted to say because my dad was getting into the argument and I just didn't want to deal with my parents on my back. She thinks one little thing that I don't want to do will ruin my whole life. Well, if I don't want to do it, then I will CHOOSE not to do it. And it is my fault if I want to ruin it or not. NOT HERS. I don't give a rats ass about what people think will ruin my life and what will not. They can go kiss my hairy ass. Sometimes I hate my parents but I know I really don't. But if they would just stop bringing up stuff over and over again we'd get into less arguments. So that explains my bad mood. I'm hoping by tomorrow things will have blown over. I really do not want to have a grudge at this moment in time.
You know, in movies about the Holocaust, there are always martyrs and stuff and when you think the ending is going to be horrible it's always "good." I want a HORRIBLE ending for once, just once you know? Where the good guys die and the bad guys prosper. To think of it, it's not just Holocaust movies, it's EVERY single friggin' movie out there. That pisses me off. I'm sick of the good guys always winning and whenever shots are drawn, people NEVER GET HIT! What's the whole deal about that? Dude, people can't dodge bullets THAT good. Movies suck. See, that's why I love Swing Kids so much, the ending was really sad and the bad guys won in the end. Hmmph!
Man this is sweet. My friend likes this guy, and he likes her back and they're all like....flirting as it was back in the 1800s. They're talking about dating so shyly and stuff and like...sorta implying to each other about how they like each other. It's so cute! But she wants the dude to be sorta bold and give her compliments. She's outgoing and stuff, but he's SO innocent. I swear. I didn't even know INNOCENT guys even existed anymore. Well, fobs. Yeah. Anyway, this is the kinda stuff that should be going on - coyly "talking" with each other. Not all that "hey baby want some of this?" crap. But seeing how they're talking about innocent stuff makes me feel like a whore. Coz I'll just talk about anything - whatever floats ya boat man. Farting, excreting, music, world issues, what have you, I'm there. I'm sure if I were to talk to an old-fashioned guy about that stuff, it would seem so unladylike. My parents cringe when they heard my sister say how she talked about farting with one of her guy friends.
I got more to say, but I'll post it sometime later. I'm overwhelming myself tonight. I'm rather sleepy. Watching movies makes me sleepy. I will see you everyone tomorrow. Mazel tov.
posted by cinny chan 11:52:35 PM
Ha, you guys know that picture of the person's head up their ass? That's ME, if you must know. Look at how chunky those legs are, that's definately mine. And that ass...hahah..ok I won't go there. But yep, someone caught me in my midnite "expeditions." =X I think my sister took the pic, that's why she's the one who showed it to me. Anyway, I was thinking how plucky I was as a kid. Everyone said that I was full of vitality and I would be something special. That's a way to make a kid feel good, and make a kid feel happy. I think that's why my childhood was really happy. I used to be outgoing - wow that's a first. I used to play jokes on everyone, I was smart-alecky and I knew how to get out of trouble just as fast as I got in trouble. It was "Everybody Loves Cinny" and now it's "Everybody Hates Cinny" because what am I now? I'm quiet, I'm smart-aleckyk but I can't get out of trouble but get in even MORE trouble. And I'm not happy, most of the time I'm pist off or depressed. Wow where did the years go? What ever happened to me? I grew up that's what. I saw life in it's true form. A little too early but it's for the best. I see how some people haven't even SEEN it yet and that's why their still "happy" but the little things in life are surfacing. I'm not gonna say I envy them, coz I sure don't. I'd rather know then not know until later in life coz that's when it's hardest. When you know it early, you can build on it and it won't be that bad later on. Anyway, that was just a little detour for no reason at all. Just speculating on the past and present that's all. But you know what I wish for? Drama. Not bad drama, but good drama. But it's always bad drama. Grr. I want GOOD drama. Something that will make me feel good right before I go to sleep. That kinda drama. But jee, I won't ever get it. So, what am I doing still up? I'm just here chillaxin' talking about freeballin', jockitch, why don't girls wear bras, kissing between men, you know, same ol' same ol'. Nothin' new. BUt I guess I'll turn in about an hour or so.
posted by cinny chan 12:06:18 AM
I'm going to check out Schindler's List - the book. I just have a weird thing with after watching a movie that I really like, I'll go out and read the book, or if I read the book, I'll want to see the movie. Moreso reading the book after watching the movie because they say the book is always better. ::sigh:: I wonder if Schindler's List is one of those thousand page books like Gone With the Wind. Not that that was bad, coz I loved Gone With the Wind. I wrote about that book to get into AP Euro. =)
posted by cinny chan 11:00:35 PM
Oh mee gosh. I just remembered something. I had a dream some time ago that was the almost EXACT scene in Diary of Anne Frank. Ewwwww!!!!!! Now that I think about I hope I never dream of that ever again. EWWWW. ::spit spit::
posted by cinny chan 10:48:36 PM
Hahaha, I had the funkiest dream. I was dreaming that I was in the middle of a maelstorm of the Good vs. the Bad. It seemed like a chess board, because there was a bishop and a queen. But of course Good won. ::mutters:: No piece of good dream. Anyway, then it shifted to the whole battle in Howard Stern's mouth. Don't ask me why, I haven't even listened to his show in awhile so I don't know why I would be dreaming it. Then a model pulled something from his mouth. Heehee, and then I woke up. And now I'm here.
Guess what, you know Jackson's favourite song - "Crazy for this girl" by Evan & Jaron? I saw them on that beauty pageant show, and they actually sound good live. And they're purdy cute. :) and while I'm on a role, Jackson heard Lifehouse on Star. =) And he LIKED it. Woooo!! See, I told you they were good! Yeah well I think he liked it because of the lyrics:
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
Standing here until you make me move
Hanging by a moment here with you
Living for the only thing I know
Running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
Standing here until you make me move
Hanging by a moment here with you
Living for the only thing I know
Running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm tapping into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with youYipee. Wasn't that a nice song? Btw that song's about God. Haha I'm playing. It's whatever you want it to be as Jason Wade says. Anyway, I was listening to them a couple hours ago. I seriously love that album. I heard that Jason said that all the songs are playable by acoustic and that he plays the songs by acoustic? Not sure, but no wonder the acoustic version that I got of it sounds just as great, yet different from the radio version. And now for s'more good news: Napster's still running! Coz I'm still downloading! I think I was dreaming of a couple of songs too, but I forgot what. Damn. You know what song I'm downloading? Or rather what band? LIVE. Yes it's not to "live" but LIVE, like "Who's live onstage right now?" Last year I got so freaked out because of something and that band just reminded me so much of what happened that I just deleted all my Live songs but I have a Live CD. So I couldn't burn that, but I just didn't listen to it. You know, the first CD I got was Live? But the song is "Dolphin's Cry" and ::shudders:: yeah I feel weird listening to that song again, but hell I like it so I'll try to manage. But I should overcome my fears I guess. Oh yeah, back to the "happy" stuff - I was listening to Lifehouse and I was getting all into it, like REALLY feeling the music but then I realized that it was just my bladder making me feel like that. Coz I had to go pee, and you know when you have to go pee, but you have something else that's occupying your mind so you don't want to go but you so badly need to? Yeah, so I think that's why I was "feeling" it. Call me weird, and I'll blow your brains out. ::halo:: Ooh, guess what? I having this computer problem but I couldn't fix it but I kept getting that blue screen telling me to fix it but I couldn't. So then I finally logged onto Microsoft.com and found it and fixed it. They even told me HOW to do it. Woo. But I found out that if I hadn't done anything, my comp could have crashed. =T I have a feeling it's going to anyway.
posted by cinny chan 10:13:31 PM
When I meant productive, I meant to do homework, but I ended up fixing my archives page coz I hadn't done that yet. It's all ready for your convenience. The things I do for these ungrateful readers. Just kidding. Oh yeah, did I mention that my dad's friends in Myanmar sent me a virus through email? It was that "I Love You" virus from a couple months ago. That's lame. I have a super duper virus scanner (it's really crap) and my impeccable knowledge on viruses (close to zero - my friend told me she got it) that I deleted it. I told my parents and they thought it was hilarious. Ha ha ha ha. Now onto work.
posted by cinny chan 3:07:19 PM
Blogger didn't post my blog yesterday, so let's hope it does today. I finished watching "The Diary of Anne Frank" and I didn't like it too much. But hey, I realized the guy who played Peter (or should I say "Pey-ter" as how they all pronounced it) was the guy from Westside Story (never seen it but want to), and also was in Johnny Tremain. NO WONDER I felt like I seen that face before. He was in Johnny TREMAIN. Yea, superstar baby. Haha. Anyway, the thing about watching such an old movie (made in 1959), makes me wanna go back to those days. You know, when people liked each other, they didn't wanna go right ahead and jump each others bones right then and there. They had the dignity to remain proper. Their flirting was poking a pencil at each other. I was sitting there watching and laughing. But the funny thing I noticed is that when they lean in to kiss, it's all dramatic and stuff that you know it's fake and that cheesy music plays. I dunno, or maybe it's because people in movies today are all over each other like animals that the drama isn't there anymore. Who knows. Don't ask me that's for sure.
I was looking at my stomach in the mirror and I've acquired a belly. ooH, I'm St. Nick's daughter. On my way to Pottybelly city. I also got a small mole on my back. I've got a thing for moles. Not those big nasty looking ones with like a single strand of hair sticking out from it like those old Chinese guys, or women (my mom has one =X) But yeah, my liking for moles is the same as how people liked beauty marks in Marilyn Monroe's era. Freckles are cute too on people who normally shouldn't have freckles. =)
I ate mold today. Not intentionally, but we were having noodles today, you know the big fat rice noodles that you have to peel? My sister usually does it because...ok I don't know why but she just does. So my mom asked her to do it coz my mom and my uncle had to go out to buy stuff (I'm not getting a bunk bed ::sad face::). And my sister was probably macking with some guy online and she doesn't care what anyone says to her and keeps on macking, so my mom got mad and started yelling at her to get her ass to the kitchen. And then there was some mold on the noodles coz my mom left the noodles out instead of putting them in the frig coz it was already cold so she didn't think it would do anything. But, you kno my sister, always scared of anything dirty, ugly, WHATEVER, and she didn't want to peel it coz there was some mold on the noodles. Haha, isn't that one of those "You Know You're Asian If..." things? You know you're Asian if your parents make you tear off the moldy stuff off something and say the rest of it's still good. Yep yep. My mom told my sister just to take the moldy stuff off but OF COURSE she's not gonna touch it. So the moldy stuff was still on there, and I didn't know because I was watching Anne Frank and my mom told me to eat and then my mom told me when I was already half done that there was mold on it. Hmm. I took the rest of the mold off the noodles that was left over and was not eaten. Oh well, a little mold here and there, wont' do me that much harm right? I mean cheese is mold from milk and I love cheese. I just ate cheese after my noodles. So it's all good. I'm fine and dandy. A little mold won't do any harm. Those Jews in the Holocaust ate their own poop so eating mold ain't nothing. Yeah, I was watching a documentary and this one lady had diamonds that her mother gave her, and she had no where to put it but to eat it and then she would poop it back out again and then eat it. Hmm. I should try that at home. I'll stick a piece of gold in my ass and I can poop gold out and tell the world I am a pooper of gold. Hehehe. Get myself on World's Guinness. Nah, I shouldn't be poking fun, it's disrespectful. ::puts head down in shame::
I watched Relic Hunter yesterday. Or early today, whichever you call 2 AM in the morning. Haha, Nigel got kissed by Sydney. And he was "pressing." OoOh. And then Claudia got kidnapped and they thought she was dead and Nigel admitted that he liked her and wished he could have told her that before she died, but she wasn't dead. So he had to tell her, or at least Sydney did. Oooh. But damn, he was staring at her BUTT. EWWWW! I don't like him anymore. Damn limey pervert! Grrrrr. No wonder he didn't like any other girls that came onto him - he liked Claudia. ::cough:: bimbo! If he liked Sydney, I'd understand but CLAUDIA! Bad choice...ok I'm gonna go do something productive. Later masturbator!
posted by cinny chan 2:07:54 PM
I hate my sister. I wish she would just leave. I wish she would stop talking to me, pretending as if I actually liked her. I've denounced my sisterhood, I don't even believe she is my sister because how could such a cruel, heartless person be related to me? It's like me being related to Hitler. You know what? I don't give a damn what happens to her at college. She can be raped, molested, for all I care. She deserves it and it probably is going to happen if she doesn't take care of herself. Which I highly doubt she will. My parents have lectured her, gave her advise all to which she will not listen. She wants to become "Americanized," meaning fun, sex, and booze. Face it, that's what Americans live for, to be truthful. If you deny it, then you're just one of them. We all crave to just go wild and it's up to you whether or not you can control yourself or not. And in her transformation into "American," she will denounce all claims to her Asian heritage. I may be a little hostile about my own Asian-ness sometimes, but at least I don't want to erase everything that made me what I am today. You can never erase who you are unless you want to erase your soul. And that is what my sister may eventually do. She is just so ignorant and won't realize it. I used to worry that she would be ruining her life but nothing I say, just because I'm 2.5 years younger than her, what I say is invalid. What my parents say, she pays no heed so then it's up to her to make the right decisions and I don't have any faith that she'll make the right ones. It is the ignorant that pisses me off SO much. I know I shouldn't because they don't know, but you'd think that they would listen but they don't. Another example is Damon. At least what I say does have SOME affect on his decision making but it hasn't for awhile because he's with the "guys." He doesn't believe in God. Ok sure, I can understand that. Some people don't for obvious reasons, such as the Holocaust victims. Where was God for them then? But is he a Holocaust survivor? If you take 20 of the Holocaust victims and compared it to him, he would equal those 20. I'm not here to dog him, but seriously, I don't see why he doesn't have any faith in God. I'm not religious myself and for awhile before I really understood anything about religion, I had no idea what God meant, I just followed what my parents told me about religion. But as I'm thinking on my own now, I do realize that there is a God - He is here in our lives indirectly, if not directly. I don't go all emotional when someone mentions God, but at least I believe He is there. But for those who don't believe, I'm not sure why and all I can say is: ignorance. But the thing is, my parents say Buddhism is the BEST religion and for awhile I've denied it because I thought they were just being biased. Coz I mean, everyone who is religious will say their religion is best, right? But my mom said it again, and I was in the car on the way to school and I just thought about WHY she said it, and I realized that in the Christian history, there were tons of corruption in the name of Christianity, but in Buddhism, I haven't heard of any or very few. And I think that's why my parents say it's the best, but they told me there are Buddhists who stray from the "right" path, meaning they can marry multiple times, drink, etc, just like a regular human being. So then that leads me to believe that NO religion is best. I'm at a standstill right now because I'm not sure there is a religion for me. Jewish is looking pretty good to me right now because they analyze their faults all the time, and Jesus was a Jew, and he was the son of God. So yeah, it seems like the most "truthful" and uncorrupt. But then again, Christianity sprouted from Judaism, so now I don't know again. I just don't know...So, going back to the whole Damon thing, he's just going through this "hating" stage. He hates everyone and everything that person isn't "cool" or is weird. He's like my sister. Ugh. And here's the situation: someone told him he was lazy and he knows himself that he's lazy, but coming from a person that is lazy as well and gets lower grades than him, he won't stand for it because that person is supposedly "lower" than him. So the next time that someone mentions how lazy he is, he'll shoot back with rubbing in how he did better in some class or test score. Pathetic. Damon just feels the need to be better than everyone else, or he'll throw a tantrum fit. Go figure. I think he would probably hate me too but he told me that he can't compare to me and so he backed down. Gee that's great. I'm not hated because I'm better than him. What kinda friendship is that? THIS is why I'm so pist off lately. It's people like this just makes my hair wanna turn white and fall off.
Ok, to verify, I haven't liked "Christian" for several months now. Get it straight people! The thing about squealing like a Catholic school girl on prom night was a JOKE. Ha ha - see laughter? Sometimes I think nobody gets whatever I say. Makes me wanna move my blog site and let nobody I know read it. Coz all I get are misinterpretations and people making fun of what I write. I'm thinking about moving my blog site and only those I WANT to read it can read it. Otherwise all of you out there won't be there to get me mad anymore and make me bitch about you. Ugh. But anyway, "Christian" has been annoying me for some time now and was getting to the point where I disliked him as much as the guys I dislike at school. But I knew that something was up in his family life to make him act that way but I wasn't considerate enough to be patient with him and I sort of treated him rather cruelly these past few days. I feel bad about that now because I realize I may have only been nice to him because I liked him? I'm not sure. So anyway, I've become patient again and then he told me what's been happening in his life lately. His parents are divorced, and so his mom is in China on business, so he lives with his dad. But the stocks that his dad invested in Taiwan have failed, and I think he's bankrupt. So his dad is going to Taiwan to sort things out, and leaving "Christian" alone to fend for himself. And he's just stressed over everything that he can't really function at school or think about anything else except for that. Poor guy. I can't believe how rude and obnoxious I was to him while all this was going on. I feel like kicking myself now. Some friend I am. But you know what's funny? Instead of me giving him a hug, he gives me a hug. LoL. I find that sorta funny coz I don't need it, when he does. Anyway, to be CLEAR, I don't find anything "romantic" about it or whatever. It's purely platonic.
Damn, yesterday I taped "Popular" and when I went to go watch my tape, it was the stupid Miss USA pageant. ASS! Gosh, now I just infected my tape with stupid shit. But anyway, I was going to sleep yesterday but my mom was in our room listening to chantings, so I just went down and watched TV. My sister was watching the pageant and then during the pageant, commercials came on with Martha Stewart....NEKKID!!! Omg, I was just screaming from going almost blind. That is NASTY. Jeezuz. I know people say she dresses like someone's grandma, but she doesn't need to strip so she can look like something off Playboy! Gosh. I'm sure KMART has lost thousands of customers from just watching that.
I rented more movies today. I got Jakob the Liar and it's just as good as Life Is Beautiful. Robin Williams is the greatest. =) But the ending is the same as Life Is Beautiful, except he dies nobly. Sorta. But it's great. Funny too. Heehee. I cried. Dammit, these movies are worse (in a good way) than chick flicks! I have to stop watching them coz they make me cry! UGH!! Booo. I'm gonna go now. Talking to Jackson about "Snow White."
posted by cinny chan 9:02:14 PM
I'm tired and I so dearly want to sleep. Maybe I should start doing that. Yeah, in my dreams maybe. Anyway, I watched 3 hours of Drew Carey, including "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" I wanted to see them do the hoedown but they didn't. Sucks. I like Wayne (the black guy) the most. =) Anyway, they did a show with all this extra drama to get an Emmy. Haha, that sucks that they've never won an Emmy before. Stupid other shows, like EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMUND! Jeez. Hehe, they did all these cameos from other shows. And then at the end, everyone admitted their gayness, including Kate and she announced it over the intercom just like Ellen Degeneres. Dude, I KNEW Oswald and Lewis were gay lovers. Mr. Wick I knew was from the start. He's a momma's boy and he admits it. And Drew did too. Haha. I was talking to one of my friends about how I'd like to see Oswald and Lewis turn gay and it happened. Wow, my greatest dreams came true for once. Just kidding. ::yawn::
I'd like to discuss the topic of hair. I personally hate the hairstyles of Asian guys. It's this weird funky disease that's going around in the guy's tastes. What I mean is it looks like my dog (well if I had one) cut their hair for them and peed on it (meaning the dyed part). I'm sorry, but Leonard is the perfect example. It's all shaved at the sides, and then they got all these crappily cut locks that fall all over their face. If they were a rock/punk star, then I would understand, but they aren't so I'm confused. I'm not sure if I've seen any decent hair, or if it's decent it's not all that great looking. I personally don't like the parted-in-middle 'do either. It's too...old fashioned. Like back in the '40s and stuff. Hairstyles do repeat themselves. But anyway, I think the only guy's hair in school that I actually like are Jared and Johnny's. Johnny's hair almost looks like that guy on your right. The clean cut is always best. But the exceptions are Jason Wade type of hair...
and
The first two pictures of Jason Wade (he's the fat guy...LoL just kidding. He's the one always in the front) and the last one is of Christian Bale (guy on right). If you're a guy, and you have hair like them, CALL ME. LoL just kidding.
Damn, I bet with one of my friends today and if I lose, I have to go flirt with Nick Tan. I have to go, "HeYyY, Nicky-boy." Ugh. I was gonna have to do worse but I put my foot down and reduced it down to that. Damn, my friend was gonna make me growl and stuff, and we just all busted out laughing so hard when she growled. I think I almost snorted. Hahah. And if she loses, she has to flirt with the guy who she likes. No biggy coz she's willing to do it. Me, on the other hand, uhhh I don't know. Anyway, I'm gonna make it a night - too tired to go on. Oh yeah, btw, on Relic Hunter, Nigel finally gets some action! Woo!! I'll leave you guys with this pic....heh heh >=P
posted by cinny chan 8:45:19 PM
Yo freaks, I finished my paper before 12!!! Damn, this is great. Haha, but I'm just up for the heck of it coz it's not even one or so yet. But I guess I'll be on my way after this short little blog. Anyway, I had stuff to say, now my mind is totally blank. ::static:: Napster's closing today. (Friday) Damn. Boo!! I didn't get to download all the songs I wanted!!! MANN!! Oh yeah, "Christian" called me ::squeals like a Catholic school girl on prom night:: hahaha. Nah, I didn't even recognize him, except that I knew my mom would pick up the line if I had waited for another ring to get my lazy ass off the chair. Anyway, I never recognize anyone on the phone. I haven't USED it for the longest time so yeah. But it was just surprising to get a phone call from anyone. ::sniff:: I'm not loved. Just kidding. Not like the phone can ever ring or anything coz we're always online. Soz, "he's" been having lotsa problems lately. I'll explain more tomorrow and give you the whole skinny. Oh yeah, today my mom woke me up early in the freaking morning to call some lady so I could volunteer at some other hospital. Damn, I was hella pist because I hadn't gotten enough sleep and she was making ME call some stupid volunteer office. Dude, and this one sucks coz you have to be interviewed and all this other shit. Plus you have to dress up as if you were going on a job interview. Man, I don't want to grow up yet. Stop making me! Grrr...and you kno when my interview IS?! The FIRST day of Spring Break, and I have to be there by 9 AM. I AM PIST AS FUCK. Man. Life is one fucked up piece of PIE. Boo. Ok, I'm gonna hafta get that wrench pretty soon if I don't sleep. Later masturbators.
posted by cinny chan 1:02:43 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKSON!!! Haha, you know, he might actually be only like 4 years old because he was born in China, and you know how them Asia countries are - they're a day earlier than us, and since his birthday is March 1, he was born on a leap year!! He's only a friggin kid. LoL, no wonder.....just kidding. Anyway, I get hits from the government and that scares me. Jeez!! I don't have any possession of illegal drugs! I just view pages with webmasters that TAKE drugs. Get them, I'm clean as a Mormon girl on prom night. (haha Mimi said that). Oh yeah, I got another brochure from a college...in CALIFORNIA. Ugh. C'mon where's the New York schools?! Dammit. I don't want to live nearby. But this school is called Occidental (never heard of it) but my sister apparently has. She says it's one of the top schools in...get this...SCIENCE! Fuck no. I ain't going there. But now my sister's all impressed coz she told me this really smart girl goes there and then I noticed that my Chem teacher has a stuffed animal with a shirt that says "Oxy" which is this school. Hmm.. The only appealing thing about this school is the internet access. They have it EVERYWHERE! Woo. K'z blog later, essay now.
posted by cinny chan 5:33:40 PM
I finally finished my outline after like 3 billion hours later. I stopped to chat with my friends and never stopped. Damn them, but I damn myself more because it was my fault. But they're just so tempting to talk to. Hmm, you know what? I sorta feel obligated to censor some things that I say on this blog coz I know my school friends read it and all and sometimes it's about them that I don't want to hurt their feelings about what I feel. Or the people who do read this could go and tell the person who I mentioned and then they'd get hurt or whatever. So I sorta feel like moving to another site and blogging privately there. I don't mind my Internet friends reading it because they really don't know me personally, and that's ok, but the people from school, I see everyday and sometimes they laugh at me when they see me because of what they read. It's sort of embarrassing, but then again I make this public right? So I don't know. But there are just some things that I want to put down, but I don't because I don't feel right to let anyone I know personally to know. Sorry, I try to write everything I'm feeling but 1% is being censored. Just gotta keep thangs to myself. This blog site is rather ironic because I'm, or I used to be at least, a really private person. I kept everything that I felt inside, all bottled up and there was really no one who I wanted to tell. But now all my thoughts and feelings are posted all around the Internet. Ain't that grand.
I was reminiscing (sp) about the past, and what's better than to listen to the songs from way back when? The first song I had heard when I first listened to the radio was back in 2nd grade and I heard Lisa Loeb's "Stay." Then I heard Ace of Base's "Don't Turn Around." Ace of Base was my first favourite band. But I loved both those songs and I never forgot them. Now I have the luxury of snatching them illegally off Napster. =) Let's see, let's take a look at what Cinny downloaded:
One Sweet Day - By Boys II Men & Mariah Carey - I've always liked Boys II Men. Mariah Carey was ok, but that duet thingie they did was the best. That was one of the songs I kept listening to before my grandma left for the last time. I kept in mind those songs that meant a lot to me before she left. And before she left, I just knew there was something really weird about it. Like I felt that would be the last time I would ever see her, speak to her, hug her, everything. You know? I didn't know how I knew that, but I just felt that and so the months before she left, I just was at her side every chance I got. Every moment that I could find, I hugged her. And you know me, I NEVER hug anyone voluntarily. But I just did. I still remember when I did. Oh man, the day that she was leaving, I remember it was me, my sister, and her laying on the bed, just talking about random stuff. Hehe, we were talking about guy's penises (lol) yeah what a thing to talk about with a grandma right? Yeah well I could talk to her about anything. But we were laughing so hard, and so was she that she choked on her juice. And *I* was the source of her laughter. I still remember so clearly as if it happened yesterday. That was the last time we would ever laugh together coz after that, I just broke down when she was leaving. Someone took a picture of us gathered around the couch and I was the only one with tears streaming down my face. I felt horrible as I looked. And I remember that the first time she came (she came 3 times to America), I didn't cry when she left because I was just a kid and I didn't really feel much love/hate for anyone. But the last time, I was probably in 5th grade and I was just totally devastated. And then she died, last year on St. Patrick's Day. We got the phone call in the dead of night and I woke up, something that I usually cannot do because I'm a heavy sleeper. And I just heard my dad's voice and I knew my grandma has passed away. I don't think I really slept after that. I just cried and cried. The consecutive days I didn't talk to anyone because if I had, I might have broken down. At school, nobody really knew except for Lucky, who saw me cry because I was just barely getting used to her death. Man, I'm sorry, I think I'll talk about the songs I downloaded. I'm not feeling so great after all.
posted by cinny chan 11:51:57 PM
Blogger sucks. Dammit. I'm freaking cold, and before I used to take pleasure in the fact that everyone was freezing yet I was always warm in the wintertime. Now I'm just frozen like a bitch and never warm. California weather is extremely fucked up because it's either extremely cold or extremely hot. And MAYBE, just SOMETIMES, the weather is slightly good. And goddamn, when I'm cold, I'm sleepy, and when I'm sleepy, I can't do any homework. ::yawn:: Anyway, we played tag in PE just to get ready to play flag football. Here's how the game works for those of you who are getting a question mark in your heads: We wear flags around our waist (two flags) and we play tag. Once both your flags are ripped from you, you're out. And we play in teams - red against yellow. The day before yesterday, our team got kicked in the ass and then shot in the ass. We were crap. And the losing team got to do extra fitness (i.e. pushups, situps, jumping jacks) and so yeah we did 'em all. It was basically freshmans vs sophmores, and we sophmores must be really out of shape, or the freshmans are really agressive. I'll go with the latter. Coz today I didn't know I got scratched, until in math, I just felt a slight sting on my index finger and I looked at it and it was all bloody. I hadn't even noticed that it was bleeding and then got smeared some. Jeezuz. But today we came back with a revenge against the freshman. Oh yeah did I mention that they cheat? That's why they won last time, but today we sophmores got a bit more agressive. Me and my friend doubleteamed them and I grabbed a ton of flags. I actually staid in today, instead of getting out after the first run. Yeah it was pretty "dope." But the thing is, the freshmans put their flags in front of their crotch, when we're supposed to put them at our sides for the reason that we don't GRAB someone's CROTCH! They also do it at the opposite end meaning their ass, and that goes for the same reason. Dude, the thing that pisses me off about it is that they get pist when we accidentally grab their ass instead or their crotch. Well, DUH, you fucking put it there, and chances are, we might miss the flag and grab your crotch instead so SUCK IT UP and quit whining that we invaded your "territory." You allowed us to do it so that's what you get. These are the same girls that are going to file a lawsuit one day against some guy because he raped her. Well obviously you wore that trashy, slutty clothing and led him on so what do you EXPECT? So anyway, we sophmores have the decency not to want to grab someone there and therefore we lose. But today we're like what the hell, just grab it and who the fuck will care? It's not like it isn't grabbed everyday anyway. What I find funny too is that some girl got both her flags pulled at the same time, and she got all mad, and she's like, "You're not supposed to do that!" Uhh..the point of the game is to get every friggin' flag off everyone. Jeezuz. They're whiny pansies, I tell ya. Yeah well we kicked ass today and thats all that matters.
So what the heezy should I bitch about today? I need to "get with the program" and read news and stuff and comment on random shit like I used to do. So if you guys got any controversial news, hit me up.
posted by cinny chan 6:42:58 PM
Today's free response question, I actually KNEW what to write but I didn't get enough time to finish. Fucknitz. Anyway, yay, my math teacher REALLY does know who I am. Haha, sorry it just seems like he wouldn't because I'm the girl who sleeps in class. Hehe. Oh well. Lunch was sorta awkward because I went in the library (it was raining) and grabbed another chair from another table to sit with my friends and the stupid librarian came and yelled at us because I did that. I'm sorry =( This one guy offered to give me his seat and he would move cause he knew that they were my friends and I just moved because it was MY fault in the first place. It was nice of him to offer tho. =) And on the way to the library, this girl who I knew from way back when caught up with me and asked if I knew where a couple of people were. Dude, she was with the CUTEST white guy. None of the guys at school look like him and he's got the prettiest light blue eyes I've ever seen. And it's not the usual blue eyes that most blond people have, it was like crystal clear and it was really, really light blue. He was wearing a baseball cap backwards too. (can you say sexy? haha - no that doesn't apply to ALL of you, JACKSON) Dude, the guy's cuteness is indescribable. It's not that "movie-star" type of cute, but he's just so darn HANDSOME. Hah. Seriously. And he said a few words to the girl that stopped me and it was so sincere-like. Most guys that are good-looking are player type guys and act like they're so cool. But he seemed SO nice. Wow, I don't think I've ever met someone at first sight that was extremely good looking, yet not a slimeball. He is WAY cuter than Jason Wade. Hehe. Damn, if only I had a digital camera at the time. Anyway, I told Mr. Chang to shutup. Not aloud, I just mouthed it because he was wasting time on purpose so we would have to stay afterclass. And just the first thing that came to mind was "SHUTUP AND HURRY UP!" But I just said it silently, but I guess my mouth moved too and he saw it! Shit! Coz right then he said, "OMG, did Cynthia just tell ME to shutup!?" Hahaha. And he was talking about how it would be cool to make us cry, and I was gonna make him cry instead. Not really but I guess it's not expected of me to say that, especially to a teacher. But sometimes I won't care who you are, if you get me pist then you'll get whatever comes out of my mouth. Dude, he thinks I'm some quiet, obedient little girl who's just a little weird. I'm sorta sick of it when people just think that. Coz I could just say he's an overweight Asian guy who likes to eat pocky all day and watch porn because he doesn't have a girlfriend. Yeah? So quit judging by how I LOOK. Dammit. Dude, he even dissed Drew Carey. That show rocks ANY DAY OVER "Everybody Love Raymond." I've seen "Raymond" and it's ok, but it's not as funny as Drew Carey, and Drew Carey has stuff that everyone can understand. It's raw comedy and not that whole "intelligent" comedy stuff. "Raymond" is like for those "mature" audiences. Drew is like for all audiences. So BLAH! Drew Carey will kick Raymund's ass ANY day. Plus Drew is cute, unlike Raymond. Skinny little freak. Haha just kidding. Anyway, I'm going to take a nap. Something I should have done a long time ago.
posted by cinny chan 4:39:56 PM
Damn, I need a wrench to get my eyes from closing shut. Totally friggin' ass sleepy. Anyway, my mom's pist at me because I told her I missed the deadline to pay for the AP exam. I didn't want to take it in the first place and so I missed it on purpose. Now she thinks because of that, my whole academic future is forever ruined. She says I should just drop out of school now. What the fuck? Just for ONE class, that doesn't even matter shit for me will totally ruin me? It is history, it isn't exactly a necessary subject such as English or Math, but it's just pertinent that we know something about history so we dont' make the same mistakes again. But we're gonna anyway. You can't stop history from repeating itself. So anyway, if you don't take the exam, it doesn't hurt you, and if you take the exam, it'll only be worth your money if you pass, and if you don't you just wasted almost 80 bucks which I don't think my parents should dish out for something I will surely fail. Plus, they just a new car, and stuff, I don't want them to buy any more than they already have spent. Y'know? My mom thinks I'm being totally selfish and crap, but my future is only for my parents benefit. I'm not working hard in school for my own gain, I'm working so I can give everything to my parents that they never had during their lifetime. You know? But my mom thinks I'm just a bunch of bullshit crock because I'm an American kid and an American kid would never think that way. And she's saying how I can't handle "life" as it is now, how will I be able to handle it later? I think I'm handling life perfectly fine. Speaking from a kid who had to grow up too fast, speaking from a kid who has tried to die because she was just sick of life but thought against it because it would be selfish to leave all these wonderful she knows, so what does MY MOM know? And why does she think I am lying? She just loves to rub it in my face that I won't take care of her, how I hate her. Well, I just personally think she hates herself and blames it on me. Ugh. Anyway, she probably repeated herself over 100x while lecturing me. But I just kept on smiling because I was amusing myself by listening to "Bloodhound Gang." And Sublime's "Greasy Lesbian Hamburger Fight." Heheh. Oh yeah, I also watched Drew Carey. Drew is SO cute. Oswald is just plain bad. Hahah. ::sigh:: Anyway, I'm off to sleep, but I'm amazingly more awake than I was before. See ya. Hope I have good dreams today.
posted by cinny chan 11:56:43 PM
I'm pist (sort of), but then again what's new? I'm always pist or something or other right? ::nods yes:: But anyway, I was just having a nice convo with a coupla my friends and then they left, and it was just me and Damon. The thing with Damon is that we talk fine except sometimes he seems to piss me off with the slightest things and if I keep talking to him, the more pist I get, so I just leave usually without saying anything, or I'll have the decency to tell him I don't want to talk to him right now. The next day I'll be over it and stuff. But anyway, he reminded me that several of my friends' bdays are coming up. Oh lordy, I TOTALLY forgot! I'm so sorry if your birthday is in a couple of days ::hint hint:: but I'll have to get you a belated present that is IF my mom lets me. Sometimes she'll be totally mean and not let me get anything for my friends. =( Soooo sorry. What a bad friend I am. ::slaps myself:: Ugh, so we were talking about what we should get our friends and stuff. He apparently isn't getting anything for them and I find that just sort of...inconsiderate. I mean, these people are our GOOD friends and he doesn't even really care to get them anything. I WANT to get them something, but I'm not always sure if I can. ::sigh:: So anyway, Damon was giving me some ideas, and I didn't think they were good enough, or were enough in quantity, coz frankly, I don't want to seem cheap. My mom has made me look cheap ever since I began giving bday presents, because she never lets me get what I want for my friends and I know they're probably disappointed when they get my gift. I hate that. I want my gift to be CHERISHED, not thrown in the back corner of your closet with all the rest of the "bad" presents they get. But anyway, he suddenly said out of the blue that I was going all out on buying a present for one of my friends and he was just teasing me about it. And then it led to, "You like him don't you?" BLAH BLAH. Fuck you. At least I don't LOOK like I like that person, while he does. He's like her love slave. When she says "jump" he says "how high?", and he acts all "nice" around her when he acts like a total jerkoff to everyone else. So anyway, that pist me off, and then I just found out that she told him something about the both of us that I didn't want him to know and now I feel just like I'm nude. Stuff that I didn't want him to know is out in the open. Grr. Fuck. So I just said, "I don't want to talk to you anymore, I'm leaving." And I left. I'm not awfully pist but just...I don't know. Something inside of me said to just get pist. Yeah, it's the voices in my head. KILL, KILL! Messin' asss always.
posted by cinny chan 7:49:49 PM
My binder broke apart today but I don't want to bug my parents into buying a new binder, so I just grabbed some make-do wannabe binder thing. It's one of those report cover thingies. Whatever. Anyway, listening to Taproot. All the bands I love are raving about Taproot so I thought I should take a listen. It's pretty good I guess. Hmmm....some people think I'm going to Sadies which I'm not. Why would I? I personally don't like dances and it's even worse to ask some guy out. I NEVER make the first move and I don't think I ever will. Anyways, at lunch the girlies were talking about it and stuff and they asked me if I was going and I said no and they said I was lying. Err. And they think I'm going to ask out Damon. Ewwwwww. HELL NO. I'd rather go alone. But blah. Chang gave me the "look" that he gives Jackson or Jared. OoH. And yesterday he yelled at me to the point where I almost cried. Just kidding. I said I was gonna cry but I was playing around. Hehe. Anyway, I've got shit to do and I better start now. Wasted 2 days already doing nothing. Later.
posted by cinny chan 4:54:41 PM
How could I forget? My uncle's gonna come in April. =) I'm pretty doped about it coz it's my uncle who I haven't seen in 8 years. He's purdy cool. He's like my dad, except more quieter and never yells. Great guy. But the only thing is that we're already majorly cramped for space. We have a 3 bedroom house, which one is occupied as the "Buddha" room, and so that leaves 2 bedrooms for 5 of us. My dad and uncle share a room, and me, my sister, and my mom share the master bedroom. So then we don't know what's gonna happen when my other uncle comes. Then after he comes, my cousin (his daughter will come), but then my sister will be gone, so all is cool. Haha, my mom also told me that my dad wanted to buy me a new bed because it squeaks. NO!!! It is not because I'm masturbating you perverted freaks! If you think that I will slap you upsmack the head and kick you until you bleed. Heh. Just kidding. Believe what you'd like. But I warned you. >=P Anyway, my sister and mom sleep in the same bed (yeah yeah it's incest) and I sleep on my OWN twin bed. =) I've slept on that bed since I was a wee tot. Like ever since I got out of the baby crib, I slept on the twin bed. And I was climbing out of that thing like I was escaping a prison. Jailbreak! I think I was one when my mom could no longer keep me in there and prevent me from climbing out of it. Hehe, I thought I was Tarzan or some shit. Lalala, ok what the hell was I rambling on about again? Oh yeah, my dad wanted to get me a new bed. Yeah, so you know me, I'm still a kid, I still jump on the friggin' thing and one day, I have a feeling that my bed will come crashing downstairs. ::smiles with glee:: Heh. Anyway, so my dad suggested getting BUNK BEDS!!!!!! HECK YAHHHH!!!!! Hehe. Damn, my sister and I always wanted one but we both wanted to sleep on top. It was just COOL like that, y'know? The loser would get stuck on bottom. Hehehe, well the bunk is for me and when my cousin comes. Guess who gets dibs on topsys?!?! MEEEEEEEE. Waaaahooo. That is SUPERMERGENTROID. Anyway, there's a song by the Bloodhound Gang that I just downloaded called "Hell Yeah" and it says, "Thou shalt make fun of Hindus" hehehehe...CURRY! This means I can forever tease curry till he dies of curry in his anus. Hey, don't look at me like that, I read somewhere that man dies with meat stuck in his anus. So curry has curry in his. =) Hehehehehehe. Comprendo, mi amigo?
Anyway, I've been "wallpaperless" for several months now. I used to have my old Godsmack one but I couldn't see most of the stuff I was doing so I took it off and left it with that default green screen because it was the only thing that didn't get in my way. I have tons of icons and if I have an image on my wallpaper, it gets blocked so yeah. But I just stuffed everything into a folder, and I created my wallpaper today. =) Here's a looksee:
I love it. It's BLACK, it's got Christian Bale, and it's got Lifehouse. The little white scribbling that you see next to him is the lyrics to Lifehouse's "Everything." That song is....preeeetttty. I love the ending. Here's the lyrics:
find me here
speak to me
I want to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
I find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can I stand
here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won’t let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
‘cause you’re all I need
you are everything
everything...I'm not sure if this is about God, or it's a love song. It can go both ways. Hmmm...love affair with God? Heh...errr. Well, you can be "married" to God, because that's why nuns and priests are celibate - they save themselves for God. So I guess it could go both ways, right? Yep. Anyhoo, I'm gonna go amuse myself with homework now.
You're all that I want...you're everything, everything. How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
posted by cinny chan 10:07:15 PM
Guess what folks? We got a new Camry. I've been trying to post this and everytime that I try to, Bloggy cuts me off. It's like they don't want me to revel in our new cardom. Blah. So if this reaches onto the Internet, it'll be a miracle on 2nd street. Anyway, me, my sister, and my mom were testing out the CD player, radio, and tape. Haha, it was really me (CD player), mom (tape player), sister (radio). LoL. My sister had the handbook in her hand but she was no help. Coz we were trying to program our favourite radio stations in, and since she had the book, I was following what she was saying but it didn't work and my mom told her to just give me the damn book coz we weren't getting anywhere. ::pats lint off shirt and smiles one cent smile:: Anyway, my mom had the car already started and since my sister was taking a long time trying to figure out the instructions, we were wasting the car battery and I told her to just turn the key down one notch so then it'd just be idle without having the engine started. Smart, ya think? Heehee. Then we first tried out the CD player and it was fine, then was the tape, which was fine. Then the radio was fine until we started to program in the stations and we were supposed to listen for a beep to let us know it was programmed in. UGH, stupid sister don't know how to read the instructions. Jeezuz, so we were waiting there pushing the WRONG button and never hearing a beep. Jeezuz. Then I just grabbed the book outta her hands and read it over and did it myself. For figuring out most of the stuff, the first preset button is on KROQ. =) And then I let my sister pick the other stations except for one, which is on KLSX 97.1 the FM talk station. And the last one my mom wanted it set to a Chinese station so I let her have that. =) Woo.
Hey, I got some letter from a college asking me if I would be interested in their college. Wow, I'm just 2.5 years shy from college and I get some already. It makes me feel smart, which I'm not. Thanks for boosting my esteem! Anyway, it's this Catholic school which is pretty cheap, and seems pretty nice. It's near San Francisco - the gay nation which is good too. Hmm, sounds great. But I'm waiting for more promising schools (UCSD, hint hint). But damn, this lady asked me where I wanted to go and she gave a face, but she praised my sister for wanting to go to Cal State Fullerton. UHHH. Lady need her head checked. She asked me why not Stanford and of course I said I couldn't make it. Hell no. Friggin not even. Blah. Anyway, gotta do some uhh..homework. Yeah.
posted by cinny chan 5:12:49 PM
Introducing the new line of viagra: Viagra for Kitties - meOWgra!!! Human-tested (by Jackson and Cinny)
posted by cinny chan 10:37:31 PM
I WISH I WAS QUEER SO I COULD GET CHICKS. AHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!
posted by cinny chan 10:22:51 PM
Oh when the lights hit your eyes, it's l'amore... Hahahha I'm so damn hyper right now. I scooped up tons of sugar and ate it. Delicious!!!!!! MmMmmm....PIE...that song reminded me of PIE....hahahahahaah I can't stop laughing uncontrollably........YARHHHHHHH.....SUGARRRRRRRRRRRRRR......
posted by cinny chan 10:01:21 PM
HARRISON FROM POPULAR IS GONNA BE ON LOVELINE! WOOOOOOO! (aka Christopher Gorham)
posted by cinny chan 8:53:47 PM
Grr, I'm pist. I tried to blog and each time stupid blogger ate my post. And now I don't want to post anymore! ::wails so hard:: I hate you blogger!! ::slap slap slap::
posted by cinny chan 8:49:42 PM
I stand corrected. I just saw Schindler's List and I'm just...utterly speechless. And I profess my love for Liam Neeson. LoL. Just playin' around. See, he's THE greatest actor, not no stupid Harrison Ford. But yeah, I just had to post that, before I go watch Swing Kids. This movie is....just totally...awesome and I can't say anymore about it. It's blown me away to an extent that I can't explain. More tomorrow kiddies, and go watch it if you haven't. Thanks.
posted by cinny chan 12:05:15 AM
I'm watching a buncha videos based on the Holocaust for an English project (man I love my English projects - they require me to WATCH MOVIES!! Especially my favourites) and we have to choose 6-8 movies to watch. I've narrowed it down to:
Life is Beautiful - Can you say WOW? I usually don't dig the subtitled movies but this movie was totally awesome. I love the little kid! He was SO cute. And yeah. Life is beautiful. Lalalala. Swing Kids - heh, I'm not sure if this movie actually fits, but heck, it's about Nazism, and it's got Christian Bale in it, plus it's one of my all time favourite movies. I'm gonna rent it dammit! Schindler's List - I actually don't wanna watch this movie because it's so freaking long and it shows them "bad places" as Jackson calls em...and yeah..but blah...oh yeah and it's in black and white. C'MON, I wanna watch COLOR, not some old trip to the 50s with black and white television. Jakob the Liar - this movie didn't get much rep as Life Is Beautiful did. Hah, funny Italian beat funny American. That tells you how much we love Roberto Benigni and not Robin Williams! Sad I tell you, sad. Hey, did you guys see the cast of SNL do the whole "We Love Roberto Benigni" episode? Haha, that was funny. Damn, I'm running off about Roberto on Robin William's movie...ooh, I suck. Anyway, I haven't seen this movie but I heard it's just as good. So I'm happy about it. Plus it's got Robin Williams. I'm sure it's great. I haven't seen a movie that he did that wasn't good. But then again I haven't seen a movie where he wasn't just so damn hairy. Europa, Europa - Ummm...this is a movie I haven't seen. It's about an Austrian Jewish boy who poses as a Nazi youth and stuff. It sounds pretty good. Blood in the Face - This is a documentary that exposes all the American white supremist groups, Ku Klux Klan, Nazis, etc etc and their feelings on the Holocaust. Sounds purdy good. The Diary of Anne Frank - Umm..boring coz I read the book and it sucked too. But I have to watch it anyway like Schindler's List Empire of the Sun - CHRISTIAN BALE!!! WOOOO. Except he's an American boy or British I dunno, in China and is a prisoner of war or something. I'm not sure. But I knew it had to do with WWII. Anyway, I have more choices that I'm filtering through. =) But this is gonna be cool. I just don't want my parents watching with me tho. They're gonna start talking in the middle of the film to comment on how bad one race and and blah. It sucks. I wish they would shutup sometimes. Boo.
posted by cinny chan 3:51:16 PM
'O happy day, 'o happy day-ee~! Haha, just playin'. Today is a purdy great day if you ask me. I had a dream about my sister getting accepted to UCLA. Now wouldn't that be great, except she didn't even apply to UCLA so that sucks. But she got rejected from UCSD. Hmm...or maybe that dream was about me and I got rejected from UCSD. =( Not good, I'll leave it at me dreaming about my sister instead. Anyway, I woke up with the thought of watching what was left of my recording of "Popular." Coz yesterday, while I was watching it, there was this red message that popped up on my TV screen that said DANGER ALERT. And I thought, "Oh shit, I broke our VCR!!" Coz my sister and I fastforward a lot and we've already gone thru millions of VCRs coz of that. And our parents are on our case when fastforwarding coz they're tired of buying tons of VCRs when they shouldn't have. So today I just watched "Popular" along with the commercials. It wasn't all that bad =) Anyway, while I was watching it today, my sister came into the room and stopped dead in her tracks and said, "OMG, CINNY'S WATCHING 'POPULAR!!!' WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?!" LOL. Ok well, judging from the shows I watch: Drew Carey, Friends, Seinfeld, Fresh Prince, etc etc, "Popular" quite doesn't quite seem right in the middle of all those other shows. But who cares what other people think? Popular is actually a good show. I used to think, "oh great, it's like another 90210" but it's not. It actually has stuff that happens to us High School chumps out there. Yesterday's episode has probably got to be the best. It was April Tuna's "death." Damn, her license plate says "Tuna 69" YUCK! Anyway, she supposedly got into a car crash and "died" and the girl was basically a social outcast. To tell you the truth, I think she got beaten with the ugly stick when she was young. Well, so was I, so we're even. And she's freaky. But absolutely perfect for the role. So anyway, all the "popular" people were feeling guilty for her death and how they treated her and stuff before she died. Some of them were pretty reasonable reasons for treating her the way they did. Dude, she wanted a "menage-a-trois" with some couple. EWWWW! And she wanted a "frottage" with some mullet-head guy in the janitor's closet. (Frottage = no no cha cha) So blah blah. It was pretty funny coz all the girls were in the car singing that, "hip hop to the hippity hop, that don't stop" song. I can NEVER get the words right. It goes so fast I can't catch up. And then Mary Cherry let out a big one and tried to blame it on Spam. Hehehe. Oh man, that was classic high school stuff, except that you expect that from high school boys. Heheh. It's nice seeing a reversal in the gender roles. Oooh, Harrison admitted that he loved Spam. But she chose her bf over him. AWWWW!!! Boyfriend over best friend. Well, that is a toughy, but Harrison was just using his "illness" to get her to get with him. Pooh. But Harrison's CUTE! I like his big ass ears that stand out like Dumbo. Heh. But it sucks that he's been dumped by every single girl he's liked. But I know a secret. ::beckons you to come a little closer:: He will FIND a girl that will like him back. =) Ooh yeah, Cinny got WB connections. Hehe. Onwardho! Wait, isn't it Ivanho? Ok I dunno.
Heh, you know what? Someone searched for some porn and accidentally came to my site. They typed in "x-rated" and the title of my page is "I want you x-rated..." so yeah. LoL. Now I got them porn people visiting me. Just great. Speaking of web pages, this guy copied another guy's web page EXACTLY the same, layout, the whole works, even copied the blogs and stuff, and changed ONE word. That's messed up. If you're gonna copy someone's web site, at least change like 50% of the stuff. That's lame. And when he got threatening emails, he took of his site and said he just had to "change" his site coz his old one was looking lame. What a pathetic excuse. Anyway, I went to Jodinand's page and found this: "a healer in ethiopia has been arrested after claiming he could cure women by sucking their breasts." Hehe. No comment.
Lalala, where are my parents? They're car shopping =) So we might be expecting a new Camry or something today. Woo. I hope they pick a nice color and not some stupid yucky one. I hope they pick gray. OoOh. Lala, or I hope they get like a 4-runner. =) I LOVE big cars. Gotta get me one of them when I grow up. Anyway, Relic Hunter's on and I can't watch it coz my sister's watching gymnastic...pstt...I think my sister has a thing for flat-boobied girls. Shhh..don't tell her I said that. Heehee O=)
posted by cinny chan 2:26:33 PM
Ooh baby, Dan finally got his phone back on boat. And he kicks it off with an audio blog, tres cool. Yeah, say it with a French accent baby! I'm (taking) French and damn proud! Wahhh, well anyway, for days now I've been waiting to say how cool Mr. Danio is (as if you didn't know that already). Haha what guy goes, "Lalala, c'mon sing with me!" every so often when he's happy? And his voice? To die for. LoL just kiddin' it's a nice voice...it don't really sound like them player guys nor them Asian pride drawl that them Asian idiots got. Anyway, I got a long blog ahead of me and I usually like to kick things off with a good tone on Fridays, but my dad came home with the Mitsubishi that's been causing a lot of problems for us, and him and my mom had a fight. Damn, I was ready to blog happy but I guess you can say he ruined my happy mood. So I guess I'll start with the negative shit and work my way down, and hopefully raise my spirits as I blog.
Today was the worst possible case scenario: I was sitting down on the couch, getting overly excited about watching Drew Carey, and both the episodes that I taped were pretty damn good, except for the last one, which was the greatest. BUT! Yes BUT. It was the episode where Oswald found out that he had a son from his old girlfriend from way back in tap camp (hehe does that even exist?). But Drew and Kate met his son before Oswald did and they found out that he looked more like Lewis than Oswald, and all the characteristics were like Lewis than Oswald. Dude, the guy was a chicken-looking freak, I'm sorry but he was. His neck was at least 6 inches and he had a TINY head, although he was extremely skinny. But yeah, it was revealed that Lewis slept with Oswald's gf one time and that might have been his kid, because he did the "no no cha cha" with her. LoL, oh man from now on, I'm using that word in the stead of "sex." LoL. All the stuff they say is kick ass. I should start speaking "Drewish" hehe. SO anyway, RIGHT when they were going to reveal the true father, my tape cut off where my recording cut off! BITCH! DUDE, they were saying, "And the father is....." ::static::...::nothing:: Dammit now I'll NEVER know. Woe is me. So damn, I was hella disappointed. My mom was watching Drew with me, and get this, she was LAUGHING. She usually tries to watch the shows with me but she never gets the jokes, but I guess Drew sorta cracks down to her level sometimes and she got what she was watching. And when my tape cut off, she's like, "WHAT HAPPENED?!" Hah, damn, my mom was more pist off than I was! Anyway, I got crapped over. Anyone out there see that episode so they can tell me who the real father is? Please? Dammit dammit this really sucks ASS. So there's the shitiest part of my day, and the rest of it is relatively better more or less.
So all you guys know about "Christian" and how I used to practically think he was some sort of "great" guy right? Yeah well, my opinion of him just went sour. So has Jackson's coz he used to tell me that "Christian" was cute and stuff and other good stuff about him, but now it's, "'Christian' should just SHUT UP." I can't help but to agree wholeheartedly. Why? I'll tell you why. I think it's because since 8th grade, I've always sat next to him and while sitting witih people, you sorta become immune to their little irking annoyances, or at least that's how it is with me. This has continued all the way to this year, but Chang had a seat change and now he sits all the way across the room from me, and all I can think of is how ANNOYING he is. Like he'll make stupid comments in class that aren't even funny except to himself. And the only reason why people are laughing is because they're laughing AT him while he's giggling away and making absolutely no coherent sense. I knew that guys who giggled had something wrong about them. But I heard Jared giggle when he fell down, but I'll get to that later. And the thing that bugs me most is he's being SO lazy and trying to just take a free load off of me because he knows I'll help him out like I used to. I've always sorta been his "safety" net when it comes to school and stuff and I think he just takes me for granted and feels he can just lean on me when he needs help. I used to think this guy was mature and that was one of the main reasons why I liked him - maturity. Sure I'm immature a lot too, but I'm not ALWAYS like that. I know when to be mature and immature and not constantly act like I'm some idiot. I used to think that only immature guys were the funnest, but I found out that those guys will never get anywhere in life and just become a nuisance in the end. But getting back to the subject, this is now what I think of "Christian": He tries too hard to be funny just to "fit" in among the guys, because most of the guys don't like him based largely on the fact that he's heavily religious. And most of the guys are anti-God or some shit like that (they actually aren't - they just wanna seem cool to be "against" religion just so they can make fun of those who are). So he's trapped in the horrible social food chain, where he's trying to fit in and be one of the "guys." He even told me that back when he used to act all "hardcore" (Asian pride, sporting name brands and crap, spiked hair, cell phones, the whole schmeal) people actually respected him and he "fit" in. Now that he's gone all straight up respectable in adults standards, all the guys diss him and think he's gay or whatever coz he's preaching God. And he said that he wants to go back to how he used to be, because at least then he GOT respect. But he has got to realize what he told me about himself. Knowing myself, I think it's better to be the person you are and if people to don't respect you for what you are, they don't deserve to know you. But if you have to revert to someone who you're not, just to get respect, it's not worth all the money and respect in the world. I thought "Christian" would realize that, but apparently he hasn't. He's being sucked into the world of rude, obnoxious, ugly guys. I try to encourage people to act like themselves and not what other people want them to be because in the end, the only person who you're lying to is yourself. And are you going to just live your life as a lie? I sure hope not. I told "Christian" that I liked him the way he was now, and I knew he felt better at the time, but that was weeks ago and he probably forgot that I even said that. Now he's acting REALLY irritable and mocking me like the fucking guys that he hangs out with. His grades are also dropping just because he had a couple of B's on his report card and that's supposed to mean that there's no hope any longer that he doesn't care about school anymore. But just because YOU don't care, doesn't mean I have to do your work for you. As much as I procrastinate, and procrastination is a sign of laziness, I hate lazy people. Coz those lazy people just try to cop a free ride off of me or some other soul who has no life but to spend their nights and days doing homework. So anyway, I will get off this topic because I'm getting heavily distracted as I signed online.
Ok, well I logged off coz my parents are furiously using the phone and I can't get offline in time so I might as well continue to blog. Op, the phone just rang as I got off. Jeez, freaking people. I hate you. I want to go online!! Lesse, what else? Oh yeah, I watched "What Lies Beneath." That movie seriously....SUCKED! Every movie that my sister thinks is great pretty much sucks ass. The only movies that she likes that are good are the ghetto movies we used to watch as kids, y'know? Coz them old movies were the BEST. Nothing from this century can even compare. You know what they say, "The older the better" and that especially applies to guys...heh heh. More on that later as well. But yeah, my sister said the end was REALLY scary and I wasn't believing her, but I just watched the whole thing coz I wanted to be spooked outta my mind for once, but it didn't happen. I watched the whole movie and I basically predicted everything that would happen next and it pretty much happened. They used the same cameos for the typical "horror" movie. The killer pretending to be dead when they really weren't, killer dies in the end. Same ol', same ol'. Blah blah. The special effects were good, but not enough to get me spooked. The plot was pretty good if they had worked on it a little better but hey, who am I to judge? I ain't no Steven Spielberg but I'm Cynthia Chen and got a big mouth. =) So yeah, it had a lot of no no cha cha's in it and that turned me off. Plus, I was watching it with my dad and uncle (and my sister) and it's just embarrassing watching no no cha cha scenes with the males in your family coz you get all weird. At least I do. Ok, I just feel weird when seeing it with anyone. And my sister was saying how Harrison Ford was a great actor and all the movies he was in were great. Nah uh. I'm not a big fan of Harrison Ford, actually you can say I don't enjoy him or his movies at all. Sure he's some major Blockbuster movie star, but he sure isn't #1 on my list of great actors. Yeah, he's still "fit" and "sexy" to most women but he's just an old fart that happens to work out and maintain a 4 pack or whatever the hell he got. But I look back on the movies he's done and I haven't really liked any of them except for maybe Star Wars. "I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar." Heh, just a little "Dogma" quote for ya. But "Random Hearts," "Air Force One," "Indiana Jones" and a whole load of other shit that he starred in sucked major dick. Bottom line: Harrison Ford sucks.
Now here's the portion where I start talking about my day. You can skip if you'd like coz I know it bores people but I just gotta have it written down so I can feel better. But I'll start with yesterday. In English, we played Heads Up 7 Up. Remember that game kiddies? The last time I played was probably 4th or 5th grade. It's just cool that our teacher let us do that. Mr. Chang, you're COOL! But the guys who were tapping people's thumbs were Jared, Vipul, and Jackson. Hah, BAD choices, but it wasn't a choice, it was just that they all went up there by themselves, and guess who decided to tag along with them, yep "Christian." I thought it was....dumb. So anyway, all of our heads were down and I knew Jared tapped my thumb coz I could hear him giggling, and then he tripped over someone's bag and then from what I heard, he tripped into the desks and made a big ruckus and he started giggling so hard. Man, I wanted to look up but that'd be cheating. Dude, do you know that Damon cheats when he plays that game? He puts his head to the edge of his desk so when that person walks by and touches his thumb, he sees their shoes so when he stands up, he examines the shoes and he gets it right every time until he got it right 3x in a row and they suspected him of cheating and he purposely missed on purpose the next time so they wouldn't think that. Ugh. GUYS. Yeah, and then we had nothing else to do for 10 minutes so he let us out early, and Jackson had to send me his survey so he logged onto Chang's computer, and we all were staring at the computer screen and Jared was around there messing with the stuff on Chang's desk when Chang came up behind him and asked, "What are you doing??" And the guys at my school have a habit of saying "Your mom" to everything that's said to them (i.e. "What's #4 mean?" "Your mom" - it doesn't make sense but it's just something they say) But Jared replied with the usual "Your mom" but then uh yeah...everyone realized what he ended up saying and Jared got slapped twice. Heheh. Oh man, all you guys shoulda been there. That was classic. =) Then today we learned about circumcision. Heh. The things teachers teach us these days. Lala. And that's pretty much what I have to say about today.
I saw Tom Hank's ass today. Just as I was leaving 5th period too. Anyway, this guy in my French class is really touchy-touchy. I mean, I've known him since I was a wee 7th grader and I know that he's a REALLY nice guy and all, not them yucky player type people, but he has a problem with touching people. I know he's not trying to cop a feel outta the girls or whatever but it's just weird. I laid my head on the table because I was wiped out from today's early 2 AM-er and he walked by me and rubbed my arm and asked me if I was ok, and I said no. You could ask me how I am but do you have to touch me? Blah, I know that's mean when he was just concerned or whatever, but I've never been one to be touchy in any way because that's just how I am - the "unaffectionate" Asian genes followed down into me. ::sigh::
I saw the beginning of the Grammy's with Madonna dancing sequence. It was actually pretty good. I like what she was wearing. Especially the pants. I'm glad she lost the cone boobs. That would hurt during no no cha cha. Hehe. I'm killing it aren't I? Dude, my sister is dogging my Drew Carey! She's complaining to my mom about how I record it everyday and stuff and thinks I'm some freak. I don't get to watch FUCKING TV like she does so dude, get off my back! But my uncle and my mom defended me. Woo! Thanks, it's appreciated greatly. Well, I'm getting purdy sleep so this'll be it for today. Signin off...::toot::
posted by cinny chan 9:15:49 PM
I just read what I wrote today or rather yesterday considering it's already 1 AM in the morning, at 8:41 AM in my first period in the comp lab. I had awful grammar and I sounded like a fob. Some fob once said to me, "I am boring" but he really meant to say "I'm bored." I've come across more than one fob whose said that to me and it just throws me on the floor everytime. Sorry, I find humour in the way they talk. It's funny. But anyway, my teacher is a total nag and would throw a hissy fit if she caught me so I was typing as fast as I could and yeah...so excuse my poor grammar. ::yawn:: I want to blog more coz I have lots to say but I'll save the events that happened yesterday for today when I get home from school and am nice and ready to type out a long blog. But for now, I still have two more pages to write for two classes so I'll be going now. Wish me luck in finishing before 2 AM. I know I'll need it.
posted by cinny chan 1:21:27 AM
In the comp lab at school, and so freaking boring. Blogger is considered a "bad" site coz it's not educational. But hey, I'm not the only one accessing "bad" sites. :) Teehee, I'm so bad.
posted by cinny chan 8:41:48 AM
That makes two days in a roll that blogger has somehow eaten up my post when I was going to post it. Stop doing that! I put all my thoughts and feelings in a blog and then it disappears. Just kill me why don't you. Sometimes I wish that I could go back to writing it, so at least I wouldn't lose it. Jeez, there are always the small glitches in technology that gets you. Anyway, something funny yet awful happened, but I won't say it again coz it'll take too long, and I know most of you already know about it, so it's not really worth saying again.
You know what? I have a problem. Yeah, so what's new? No, I'm dyslexic. I have 26 of the 44 symptoms of being a dyslexic. That's more than half. Today I completely embarrassed myself after I realized I said "John Elton" instead of Elton John. I PERFECTLY know it's Elton John but I just blurted out John Elton instead. It wasn't on purpose, but just I thought that was right. And then people started laughing and I realized that it was the other way around. When I read, I'll read words backwards. And sometimes when I talk, I'll say it all backwards like I did today. Oh man, this is happening frequently and has gotten worse since I sorta noticed it a bit. This shit sucks. Damon says I'm exaggerating but I'm pretty serious about it. I'm just afraid that it'll get worse and worse and then I'll be unable to read correctly. Man, I guess from thinking "backwards" made me like this permanently. =T
Shit, I got brown spots all over my fingertips and it looks like dirty, but I can't get it off, no matter how hard I scrub. Grr, so my hands look like they got dirt on it. Just great. Where are gloves when you need 'em. Haha, I felt lazy to paste all the email addresses so I just pressed reply all to a survey I sent, and some guy from school said I was totally different than at school. Woo, um cool. That's just because people at school who aren't my close friends, think I'm all quiet and smack. When you talk to me online, it's hard to believe that. I even think it's hard to believe I'm shy and mousy. I've got a split personality, cool huh? Devil under disguise. That's the coolest. I think that's why I get away with things in Chang's class. Today he let me use the phone when he wasn't supposed to or something. Dunno, he's mondo paranoid. Anyway, I'm debating whether to watch "What Lies Beneath" or go to sleep and dream about cute guys (haha playing). I'll leave you with the thought that Jackson's a big flirt. ::COUGH:: ::points to cheek:: Does that sound familiar?
posted by cinny chan 10:04:22 PM
Hey freaks and geeks, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Hah, that has got to be the best commercial that makes fun of yuppie white guys trying to act black. They should do one for Asians too. C'mon, be fair! White guys try to act like they're black but they know they never will be..well because of the obvious skin color difference, but them Asians could sorta pass off as somewhat "black" coz they actually THINK they're black. Well guess that saying is true, "Once you turn black, you never go back." I'm turning Mexican, does that count?
Man, I haven't had a good convo for a long time - one where I'm just laughing and smack and talking about regular shit that makes no sense but I find endlessly funny. That's how most my convos used to be but now it's just...."Yo man, what's for homework?" I've become endlessly boring. But today I was talking to Jackson when I should have been sleeping, and talked till I ate dinner. It was cool, coz it reminded me of "back in the day" convos. We talked about bumming the streets and prostitutes. Just your everyday convo. Hah, Drew Carey rules. I should change my "Random Bitch Image" picture to Drew Carey, coz he is one hot, sexy mofoe. Who says overweight men aren't sexy? Oh man, I think I'm on a fat streak. Sounds mean and all but hey it's something good. You know, it's not just the slightly chubby guys that I'm talking about...I'm sayin' it's them guys that are pretty chunky...not to the point where they got fat oozing from every inch of their body, but you know what I mean. Take a look at Drew Carey and you'll see what I'm talkin' about. Ooh wee. Hey, here's a picture of Mimi with NORMAL makeup on. I have to say she looks pretty good.
Damn, I had lots to write about but I forgot. It's purdy late, and I'm dead tired. I wasted hours talking to my friends when I could have finished up some homework. Alright it's time to procrastinate.
posted by cinny chan 12:08:09 AM
Never have I ever doubted that life was fucked and always will stay that way. Today of all days, disgusted me most. Just seeing the guys who I thought were "ok" guys, just turned out to be the biggest assholes I've ever met. It's ALL of the guys who slob their face by the tree, yea you know who you are. If you don't sit there then you're excused and have escaped my wrathful opinion of "all guys are assholes." There's this kid who came from Taiwan or Hong Kong or something like that and he was having trouble finding any friends of any sort, and his mom knew Connie's mom and the information passed along to Connie to help him find some friends. So she introduced the kid to the group of people that hangs out with her. That was just a major mistake. Today I heard that he got into a fight at PE because some stupid guy was taunting him and he apparently tried to fight back but he's really tiny and the guys here are a lot bigger (fatter) so they didn't hurt or he dodged them or whatever. Just I knew everyone was laughing. So then news spread to the guys that hang by the tree and they started laughing at him, and came up to him to slap his ass. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? First of all, what is the whole deal with slapping people's asses? Years ago that would have been considered sexual harrassment and now it's taken as "normal." I still think of it as sexual harrassment. I wouldn't like some person, whether I know them or not slapping my ass. Even when my mom does it to me as a joke, I get pist. And I'm sure this kid was already harassed enough all day and shit and then he gets more crap like that. The guys who did it should be shot to death. I swear. If I were a judge and this was presented in court, I'd give them the death penalty. Fucking bastards. I just have so much contempt for them...ugh! You know, "Christian" was among those guys too although he denied that he wasn't slapping that guy's butt for laughs. Yeah right, he was giggling and crap. Ha ha, so not funny. I hate people, and that's why it pushes me deeper into being anti-social. I'm so mad I forgot all the stuff I was going to say. Fuck you all.
posted by cinny chan 4:22:15 PM
Man, I was haunted by horrible dreams this morning. Let's just say they were terribly violent and brutal. The Bad Dreams Fairy was standing over my head I'm guessing. Uh...gee thanks for the dreams.
Anyway, whatever I wrote last night at 1 AM, I'm not sure if I understand it myself. But that guy I was talking about was from the hospital, when I volunteered there in the summer, just to clarify. So, today my mom was saying how our cousin had found a guy who she wanted to marry, but her parents didn't agree because they didn't think the marriage would be a happy one because they both had awful tempers and you dont fight fire with fire or you'll just get.....fire. Hah, ok that was a bad comparison but yeah. My cousin is smart, great personality, everything. She's the greatest. And she's also a doctor and the guy who she's marrying is a auto mechanic. I can see their displeasure already but her parents aren't putting that against him. They said that based on "astrology" (the Burmese people believe strongly in this), they are not meant for each other and itll break out in divorce or something bad. But she's gonna go ahead and marry this guy because she's in "love." Hmm. I don't think her parents can do anything because it's obviously her future. But they're just worried because out of the three children that they have, they love her the most because she's the good kid, the smart one, everything. So then my mom brought this subject to me and my sister's attention. My sister has professed that she will never marry a Burmese guy (my parents are 90% going to set her up with one) because she thinks they're dirty looking or nerdy or something. My mom even said to her that she would set my sister up with one. And I started laughing because I knew my sister would never stand for it. She'd end up marrying a white guy or some sort of Asian mixed with another race. Never a "full" person because she wants her children to come out beautiful. Coz if you think about it, if you look at Asians mixed with white, they are pretty children. Same goes with white and black, and so forth. I'm not sure that's a great reason to have children, so they can come out "pretty." Do I hear the word shallow? My sister said that she wouldn't let my parents choose her a husband - that there is no way, but she wouldn't marry the guy if my parents didn't approve. HAH what a load of bull I've ever heard. And I've heard a lot! My sister is the type of person that doesn't care what the hell people say, she'll do it if she thinks it's right. Which is always wrong, coz she's an idiot. She said that she wouldn't get an ugly husband because everyday you have to look at his face and you'll be disgusted. Or if he's fat she'll have to see his fat bulging out and stuff. Hey sister, you ain't so skinny yourself. And I see some fat bulging out of you sometimes too. She contradicted herself right when she opened her mouth. SO I opened my mouth and I said, "Cute guys won't do you any good. THey could be some nasty player and dump you into a ditch with a baby and no money." And she turned on me and said, "Stop giving me stupid advice! What do YOU know??" Well dearest sister, a fuck lot more than you ever will know. And what I said wasn't even advice. I was stating a FACT, asshole. A pretty face will get you nowhere if they have an evil heart. And most likely she'll end up with one considering how she's the same way. And then she told my mom, "Look at her, some stupid tomboy giving me advice on love and relationships. What the hell does she know? She looks like a 6th grader at school, what guy would ever like her except for that nerdy one?" Hmm, what does having to look like a 6th grader have to do with it? I don't mind, the younger I look the better. I never wanted to grow up anyway (physically). But what do I know about relationships? Hah, a little too much then I should know. That's why SHE asks me stuff when it comes to guys and that three letter word that starts with...P. Jk. You guys know what it is. But yeah, I am a stupid tomboy, and what guys would like me since I'm ugly, weird, and totally unladylike? So then that would automatically classify me as being ignorant when it comes to all that stuff. RIGHT. I hate it when people prejudge you when they don't even know the slightest idea about you. She just thinks that she knows tons about guys because a buncha black guys like her and stuff. Oh wow wee, you're the master now! Ugh. I hate her and every girl like her. Blargh. Then my mom asked me if I was going to get married. Chances are probably not. There has yet to be someone who fits all the criteria I have. I seriously do not want to get with someone for the soul purpose of just GETTING with someone. That's stupid. But I've been stupid in the past, and I was really close to just "hooking up" and I'm glad I never did. It scares me to think what I would be if I were to really do it. Stupid stupid stupid! Anyway, gotta eat now. Chow.
posted by cinny chan 1:14:03 PM
I had this long post about something but I realized that I would be revealing too much so I just deleted it. Sorry. I think I'll save that for myself and for the few that know. Meaning me, myself, and I. Jk. Anyway, me and Mr. Lam were talking about movies and then I remembered something about the 5th element and how some guy told me I was that chick in there - who was the 5th element which was "pure love" thanks to Jackson. I never knew that. I only saw the ending and was a bit confused, so I didn't get what the guy was saying. But anyway Jackson thinks this guy was hitting on me. Hah, at the time I don't think I thought so, but now that I look back on it, he might have. Just it's a little weird, coz for one thing, he was a lot older than me. I'm guessing mid-20s. Ew, child molestor? Maybe, I don't know. But we talked like more than the usual small talk I make with patients or with the friends/family of the patients when I discharge the patient. Y'know? I mean, I have to be friendly as part of being a volunteer, which is a hard feat for me already. I had to SMILE for the whole freaking summer. But it wasn't that bad. My mom said my disposition was more cheery than usual because I had to do it so often it stuck. So yeah, the guy was in his mid-20s or even older (yikes), Mexican, and...cool. See, he asked me my age, which most people often do because I'm one of the youngest there, so it's natural for people to be curious how old I am. So I took it as he was curious. So, knowing my age right off the bat must have been like a red alert right? It didn't seem like it for the guy. He just kept on talking as if I was some friend he hadn't seen in the longest time. It was purdy cool I might add. Like, he had come up to the front desk to ask for his brother's room number and then I had to come up not realizing that that was the room I had given him, and he greeted me with "HEY! You're the girl at the front desk that helped me out." And that's how the convo got started. We had to wait a lil bit for the doctor to come in and make some last minute checkups so then we talked, even until I discharged his brother to the car. And his whole family was there, but they walked ahead of us, while he walked with me. I know it's sorta weird and all but now that I think about it, was he just really nice, or was he trying to hit on me? Weird. For one thing, he was cute. =) Hah. So, this brings me to the whole relationship thingie. Jackson's having different thoughts about his "Snow White" which I think is good for him. It's healthier for him. And, it's sorta weird with Damon. Like he's worried that I'm mad at him or something. And he feels like I'm neglecting him and never telling him "stuff." He worried that when he leaves, that I get mad. It sorta sounds like he wants me to miss him when he leaves, but that's just plain funny. I'm not sure what he's trying to say, but it's really confusing. I'm not getting it. Damn, guys are weird. I think I'll stop blogging for now. Tomorrow I'll have my head cleared and try to make sense outta that boy.
posted by cinny chan 1:56:54 AM
Chad likes LIFEHOUSE! Woo. I'm excited. =) Shoot me for being corny but hell yeah! Hey you know what? I actually like that Spice Girl's song "Wannabe." LoL.
posted by cinny chan 9:08:48 PM
Damn, some people are REALLY stupid and lazy. We have this extra credit assignment due for history, and of course, nobody has started on it till now. And then one of my friends asked me what we're supposed to do. Ok, that's a valid question. I tell that person everything they're supposed to do, and I go offline coz my sister needed to use the phone, and that same person asks me again what they're supposed to do. Uhh...I won't go any further. Then another person asks me what I'm doing and I tell that person. Ok, for the assignment, we're supposed to list every war between the War of the Roses to WWI (for those of you who were braindead or something and didn't listen in class), list who fought in in (the leaders and the countries), who won, and the cause of the war. Simple, or is it simple? It all can be found in our textbook. USE IT. So that person asks me, "What sites are you using." Me: "Uhh..what?" Stupid person: "You know, what Internet sites are you using to find it?" Me: "Uhh, I'm using Kagen (that's our textbook)." Stupid person: "oh ok thanks. I'll go ask (name)" RETARD. They're just trying to get a free ride. Life isn't a fucking easy ride people. I'm not trying to bag on you people but it pisses me off that when I've explained something and I have to repeat it EXACTLY what I said earlier just because you weren't listening to me when you asked me the freaking QUESTION! And for those of you who are so fucking lazy to do your own work that you cop off on other people's work. I mean, I got no problem with those of you who just use other people's work to get you started on forming your own ideas or whatever, but just to copy because you want to go play an extra hour of Starcraft doesn't CUT IT! Do your own damn work and only ask for help when you need it. Not when you want to have extra leisure time, when that person's paper who you borrowed from spent hours doing it and putting all their effort into it. Jeezuz. I wish people would ask GENUINE questions for help, not "What chapter is the War of the Roses in?" There's a FUCKING glossary in the back of the book, USE IT. Jeezuz. Sometimes I think people take each other for granted. My god, when I ask a question, NOBODY knows. Fucking...jeez. Or they ask me a question and just ignore what I asked. Dude, I'm not the all mighty supplier or questions. Man, so I had to ask curry and HE even gave me a better answer than all the retards in my class. And he doesn't even have the SAME assignment. Gosh. So I resorted to calling Maria, who of course would give me the answer I was looking for. THANK YOU MARIA.
I like the raw energy that I have when I'm pist off. Makes me feel more bitchier than I already am. Anyway, SR-71 got a new layout and everything. It looks like the shit. It looks great. That just gives me more ideas on how to make my new layout. Hah, I also found that there are Lifehouse e-greeting cards. Cool huh? Mmm...the lightbulb in our bathroom has burnt out and to change it, you have to unscrew all this shit and I just wanted to take a damn shower so I just took it in the dark. Jeezuz, I couldn't even see myself because it was so dark. (not that there's a sight worth seeing). So I took a shower, fearing that a spider would be on the ceiling and fall on my head and I wouldn't even know it. Or when I opened the shower door, Jason would come popping out of nowhere (not Jason Wade although that wouldn't be so bad - lol JUST KIDDING! But Jason, the guy with the hockey mask that goes out and kills people. The guy in H20) with a chainsaw ready to decapitate my head. Hmm yeah. But nothing of that sort happened. Oh pooh. How disappointing. Haha my sister is watching "Ever After." Cindyrella, cindyrella! I just copied Drew Barrymore with a perfect British accent. Coolioz, I'm on my way to Holywood. =) Mmmmm, remember my craving for Mexican food? My dad brings home Mexican food everyday! I'm in fart heaven!
posted by cinny chan 8:56:22 PM
Poor Chad. His dad died =( I feel like crying now. I had something happy to say but I'll save it for later.
posted by cinny chan 4:58:49 PM
OK, I was going to sleep but I was listening to my Robert Palmer song and decided to check out some Lifehouse stuff. I haven't listened to them in awhile after that whole Jason Wade marriage thing. Heh. It hurt too much. Just kidding. But yeah I haven't because...well because. But anyway, I got onto the VH1 website and then I watched the "Hanging By A Moment" video for the first time that actually WORKED and the video MOVED! Then you know how VH1 does that sorta behind the scene stuff? Yeah they did that with Lifehouse. It was purdy cool. I'm beginning to like them again. =) Thanks VH1. =) Now I'm just looking at pictures of Lifehouse that I haven't seen before. You know what strikes me? Jason looks like some stuck up guy that thinks he's all that in those promo pictures, but on like candid pictures or like the VH1 behind the scenes thing, he looks all innocent and genuine, and NICE. Do those photographers ask him to pose like that? Haha. But anyway, I learned that he lived in Hong Kong when he was little and the people there thought he and his family were witches (his parents were missionaries) and they lit firecrackers outside their door, and even stole their cat and ATE their cat! Hah, there's Chinese people for ya. That story is sorta cute. Hah, sorry to the cat lovers. Anyway here's a picture that restored my spirits. (Jason's in the leather jacket, Sergio is in the back, and Rick's the redhead) Heh, total nerds.
posted by cinny chan 3:19:09 PM
I'm not in a fucking good mood. I think it has to do with me interacting with people. That's like a big no-no for me or something but my mom forced me to do it. She went out (along with my sister) to buy some chicken and soda for the guests so that left me to open the door for them and make lame conversations with the guests. Maybe 5 years ago I may have been happy to see these people, since I knew them since I was a wee tot, but now they're just annoying guests. Get one thing straight: I HATE GUESTS. There are a few guests that I can stand and even like, but I can only think of one so far that fits that category. Heh, I call her "William Kim's mom" coz she looks exactly like him - freckles, eyes, she has a slight lisp, and she looks Korean altho she's Chinese/Burmese. "Tight," yea? Her name in Burmese directly translated in English means - "lazy" that deserves another "tight." I forgot her English name tho, shit. It'll come back to me later. She's my favourite "guest" because she's hip to the groove (meaning she understands teenagers), and she's interesting to talk to. And she doesn't talk to me like I'm stupid but like an adult. I also don't feel intimidated by her. Why can't there be more adults in the world like that? Oh yeah and she dresses cool. She sports jeans and stuff when she comes to visit us, while most of my parents' friends wear like those damn business suits and whatnot trying to impress us. Dude, if they wore like a ripped t-shirt with ripped jeans at the knees, I'd have more respect for them than having them dress up in Armani or some rich shit like that. But my opinion don't matter to them - I'm just a rebellious, rude 15 year old who dresses like a hobo. If I ever become rich and famous (which I definately won't), I won't dress like I'm rich, I'll dress the other way, and if people don't accept me that way then I will know that they're just being friendly to me because I got a load of dough and might be willing to spend it on them if they kiss my ass. There aren't many honest people these days, just money-grubbing farces who should be shot. Alright, I'm getting outta topic here. No wonder I do horrible when I write essays, I get all outta bounds and shit and teachers get lost. Well they should learn how to follow me. Biatches. Anyway, my mood isn't altogether "peppy" as how I've been for the past week or so. No its not that time of month - mine's long past and the rest of the female population is on theirs. Hah, mine always seem to be ahead by a week so then I don't have to be in that whole "PMSing Group." I feel unique. Yeah, right. But anyway, I was watching TV when the doorbell rang and I muttered to myself before I opened the door. I took my damn time opening the door because I wasn't in such a rush to see them anyway. Then they came in and remarked on how they've never seen me watch TV before since I was always doing "homework" and shit. They thought I finally got a rest but I told them I hadn't done my homework yet and just idling, and that set them reeling like it was the funniest shit in the world. Yes, yes, I'm a pure comic. (rolls eyes) But then my dad came down, and then my mom came home so I escaped to the TV again and watched s'more TV. "Friends" was cool - it was the episode where Monica and Rachel bet their apt. for Chandler and Joey to kill the chick and duck. Heh. They played a jeopardy type o' game. Mad funny. "Viva las gaygas," and "Miss Chanandler Bong." Ahh...precious. And Chandler and Joey guessed everything in Rachel's grocery shopping bag. Hah, Chandler whispered in Joey's ear and Joey's like, "No, not for another two weeks." HAHAHAHAHA. That's so fucking funny. Ok yeah it doesn't sound like it because I'm telling it but go watch it or something. That's one of the greatest episodes there is. Then after "Friends," my dumb sister wanted to show her Economics video to the guests. Then she showed her tape of Britspears and the whole lot. I don't see why when guests come over, she has to show them every single damn thing that she taped. They're FUCKING ADULTS, they don't want to see some scantily-clad teenage girl bouncing her ass on stage, unless they get a kick outta watching that. But one of the guys that was within ear reach remarked that "That's all she knows how to do, dance that same way over and over again." (He was remarking to one of them dancer/singer peeps). It's dumb. My sister thinks it makes her look cool, but from my opinion she seems like some stupid 12 year old girl getting excited over seeing big boobies that she doesn't have. I mean seriously, these girl and boy bands are for girls who are reaching puberty not girls who are ready to go to college in a few months. Total loser. And the adults are probably thinking, "Does she look to these sluts as role models?" Hmm, dearest sister you have no idea what you're doing, do you? So then I was kicked off from the TV because I didn't wanna lose my eye's virginity by viewing buncha sluts on stage so I went upstairs in disgust and did some homework. I shut the door but I couldn't fucking concentrate because there was a 2 year old, a 7 year old, and a 13 year old. And they were running up the stairs screaming their heads off in glee and pissing me the fuck off. I swear I will NEVER have kids because I hate them. I was a kid once and I knew I was just as annoying but I can't stand them. So if I have kids I probably will give them away after the first week or something. They are SO annoying. The two year old kept looking at me but I just ignored her. She was waiting for me to coo and cuddle over her like every freaking adult out there. Puh-leeze. She wasn't even cute, so why bother. Just kidding. It doesn't matter if you're cute or not, if you're an annoying kid you won't get any attention from me. And she just kept looking at me with her chink eyes and it was bugging me coz I hate it when people look at me. But I didn't give her the time of day. Just another annoying brat. And she IS. Freaking crying about everything. Jeezuz. And she wants to be pretty. Well good luck with that face. Ooh, I'm flinging the insults left and right now eh? If she was a tomboy I'd think she was cool, but she's not. She's another kind like my sister and that makes me wanna go hurl and cut myself thinking how much I'm going to have to see these people when I grow up. Ugh. Can I have a genocide on these kinda people? I wouldn't mind building up a regime of ugly, but good people to go out and kill the rest of beautiful, or stuck up population. That would be great. Then maybe the world can be a better place. G'yeah RIGHT. We live in such a fucked up world that there's no way of making it a better place - EVER. Anyway, the 7 year old said the word "pussy." Now for fuck's sake I thought the word HELL was a bad word when I was seven. I didn't even know any other bad word except for that. Bitch, fuck, damn, shit was totally nonexistent in my foul language dictionary. But dude, when they were changing the 2 year old's diaper and my sister was watching, the 7 year was like, "Ew, you're looking at her pussy!!" That kid should be slapped. Asshole. He's a fucking pervert already at this age, and I just don't mean because he said that. He asked his AUNT (dude he wants to get it on with his own relatives. Damn incest pig) to kiss him on the lips. And one time when we went to their house, his aunt had her underwear drying somewhere and he was all looking at them googly eyed. Fucking.....GRRR! That kid is gonna be a piece of trouble when he grows up. So, aside from the annoying kids, the guests brought their WHOLE family over. The whole point of them coming over was some sort of celebration for two people in the family. It was these two brothers - one was visiting from Taiwan (he was ok and pretty nice), and the other one was leaving to go back to Asia because they couldn't take care of him, because he's a little mental (in the head). He's like 36 but he has the mind of probably a 15 year old. He's a little slow and stuff, but he's ok. Just the thing is, he wants a wife. And there was this time where he got so desparate (or horny whatever you wanna call it) that he kept saying how he wanted to talk to my sister on the phone and stuff. Hehehehe. That's extremely funny. I know it's sad but I always tease my sister how she might end up with him if she didn't watch out. But the scary thing is, he always gets me and my sister mixed up. So then I worry now. I jinxed myself for teasing her. Shit, so when he came over, and he was sitting across the sofa from me, and the whole time that I was watching TV, he was staring at me and smilling. Damn that shit is scary. Ew ew ew ew. Thank god they're all gone. Whew.
Oh lord, do you know ONE slice of cheesecake has over 400 calories?! I'm gonna be a blimp!!!! But it's ALL worth it. It's NEW YORK cheesecake. Best stuff on earth is made in NEW YORK. The crust is YUMMAY too. The cheesecake that my parents usually buy at Price Club sucks and I never eat it, but this crust was ALL good. But do you know what price you pay for eating this delicious cheesecake? You either have diarrhea or you can't go #2. Hah, sucks doesn't it? Shit, there's some little flittering bug next to me, probably the one that bit my EYE! I have some sort of infection now on my left eye. Dammit.
Everytime I open my computer and log on, I make rounds to them blog sites and see if they wrote anything. This guy is pretty cute...well from a long distance. He's 15 just like me but he picks up on middle school girls or something. Heh. Lala, I won't say anymore. I also found a new blog to add onto my collection. I dunno, but not many girls got good stuff to say. That's why most the blog sites I visit are guys. Here's a list of blog sites that I go to: (I'm sure if you read mine then you'll surely like theirs. They're much more entertaining than mines ever will be)
Mister Danio's Neighborhood - His name is Dan. MISTER Danio. Heh. Funny guy from SD now recently in the bay area at Berkeley? Or something like that. I found his site from his brother site that will be the next blog. But this guy cracks me up so hard. He's also an artist. A REALLY good one. I envy him (in a good way). Inhibition - Blogged - This is Jeremy's site, the brother site to Dan's. His was the first blog that I put in my favourites folder that set me craving for more. =) Another guy from SD that goes to UCSD!!! He's purdy cool too. But Dan's cooler. Sorry Jeremy. =P Gomakross - Sean Butay's (yes it's pronounced: boo-tay heheheh) blog site. He's cute, flipino, does drugs, and likes to pose nude for his web cam. And has a cat that licks his armpits. Need I say more? I'm Not Weird - One who says they are not weird, IS weird. This is Stacy, a Filapino from Hawaii. Cool, huh? She likes to pose on her web cam with her tongue sticking out. Jodinand - Not Your Average Porn Star - He's not your average porn star - he just likes to talk about it and look at it. But the stuff he says is kick-you-in-the-crotch funny. He's also flip. Damn, there's a trend. But he's from Canada...you know what they say about Canadians...::static:: The LWO 2000 Page - I met Leang through his brother, Heng. These two brothers are ALSO from SD. Heh. See where I'm going with this? They're Chinese, but act like their Flip. They even look flip. But yeah they're cool. Haven't talked to either of them for awhile, or Jed. Heh Jed, the backstreet boy. Ultraslick; hell yea! - Another flip. This is getting repetitive. His name's Chad. He's the 15 y/o guy that I was talking about that picks up on younger chicks. He got a nice layout that kicks my layout's ass. Pray For Rabies - Delta2 - Remember that little entry I had about some guy raving about porn? Yeah this is him - Trevor Brannigan. Sometimes I can't understand what he says but it's ok, he's a troubled individual like myself. I understand. An XTC Induced Blog: PLUR...Peace Love Unity Respect...Please Let Us Rave - I'm actually anti-raver but I can't put what people do in their spare time against 'em. This girl is still cool. She's got a good head on her shoulders, although she raves, which is unsual for most of the "ravers" that I know of. She is the new addition to the blogs I read. =) Well, have fun reading. I would say it's "educational" in a sense. Not sure if teachers would buy it tho. Anyway, I have a couple things to address and I'm on my way. I'm trying to download this Robert Palmer song and I keep getting interrupted my stupid mom using the phone. Then more guests come over and THEY have to use the phone. Jeez use your own damn phone or use a fucking pay phone. Bitches. And my modem is slow enough as it is, so it takes FOREVER to download. Jeez, do they NOT know Napster is closing down pretty soon? Have some consideration to the illegal downloaders out there. You don't feel our pain. And last, you know that song by Crazytown that's taking the nation under storm? Well yeah I heard that song couple months ago and it's not all that great, but the teenyboppers (sister) have gotten ahold of it NOW when it's old and think it's SOOO cool just because it sounds sorta hip-hip mixed in with rock. Well fuck you, Cypress Hill has been doing that forever and they never really got much recognition until Crazytown comes along. That's retarded. And they were showcasing Crazytown on the news (that's how STUPID and get-on-the-wagon people are nowadays if it gets on the NEWS so OLD people can even get into the music us young'uns listen to today). And the whole time my sister was boasting, "I HAVE THAT SONG!!!" Oooh! That's just so great of you, I'm so happy. (rolls eyes) Now she thinks she's SO cool. That's like the only song she plays now. It's really annoying. This is how I hate a band forever until it's so old that everyone hates it and then I pick it up again when it sucks and then enjoy it. Fuck you to all the stupid teeny's who ruined it for me. I hate you all and you're all gonna die under my vengeance. Thank you ::takes a bow::
posted by cinny chan 2:05:44 PM
Dude, I was watching Relic Hunter today and I thought that they killed off Nigel (Christien Anholt)!! I was about to cry but I kept thinking to myself, He'll show up later, they're fibbing! And lo' and behold, he came crashing back looking as cute as could be. =) I was about to jump for joy but my mom was in the room and she'd probably think I was a nuthole. But yeah, I was so happy. Hey, don't pick on me just becoz I really get into TV shows. I know them soap opera watching folks are weird too. Maybe even weirder. But YAY!! Coz if he got killed (in the show), I'd stop watching the show. It's that devastating. I'd probably stop watching TV too for awhile. Oh yeah, one of my favourite movies of all time is "The Pest" and Relic Hunter did a rendition of it! Sydney was being hunted - yes humans as prey. It's always the weird Russians or Germans who do that weird stuff. Jeezuz, what's their problem. They're like cannibals. BLARGH.
LOL, you guys remember the DARE program? Just as I said a few years back that that program made me wanna go out and do drugs instead of saying NO to drugs. It was that idiotic. AND, now, the leaders of drug prevention are saying how ineffective the DARE program really is. That rather than helping, it was ineffective and contributed to more high school kids taking drugs. =) That's exactly what happened to me. I was so sick of that DARE shit that I was about to go out and smoke some weeeeeed. Idiots. Haha don't all those police officers feel stupid now. Yeah, they were nice and all, but it got really redundant after having DARE for freaking 6 years of my life. Drilled into my head that "drugs = bad" I could have learned that on my own ya know. I'm not that stupid of a kid. And the more you tell a kid that something is bad, they'll wanna do it. That's just human nature. Or at least it's this generation that's so rebellious that when you say no, it means yes. And vice versa :) Hah, I tried explaining that to my mom and she yelled at me. Typical. Anyway, I'm going upstairs for several hours because guests are coming over and I don't want to have any interaction with them. Call me anti-social, do I fucking care?
posted by cinny chan 4:34:27 PM
Napster's closing down pretty soon and I'm thinking of songs to download but I'm at a loss. Right now I got Goldfinger and Homegrown on mind, but I know there are lots more. Well, tiz a beautiful day today tiz not? I rarely give any regards to how the weather is like but things are going great so might as well notice the little things in life, ya know? Today was great. I've got a little more respect for my history teacher today. She told us when she was in school she was shunned and stuff by her classmates. My heart goes out for all those people in the world. But then what I may say later in this blog may label me a hypocrite. Go figure. I'm a walking contradiction. In PE, Diane's back! WOOO! Heh, she's cool. She thinks the birds are talking. ::cough:: psycho ::cough:: Hell yeah I'm just glad she's back. Today's chem test was pretty ok. It was the first time I actually felt confident after taking a test in that class. Well, we'll just see how confident I am after I see what I got on it. That's another story. So anyway, I went to the SWAT meeting coz there was a meeting. I've been neglecting going to meetings because 1) I have homework to do at lunch that I hadn't finished the night before 2) I don't want to go - the people in there make me nervous aside from the ones I already know. I will admit, most of the club is....nerds. Straight off the bat when you walk in there, you're blasted with nerddom. Nothing wrong with nerds, coz I'm one myself, but I don't act like one. Or I do but not quite like that. Different stages of nerddom. =) But it's not like I'm afraid to be seen as going to the "nerd" club, but the people in there truly do freak me out. And I do the freaking...out...uhh yeah. But I do it in the way where I express myself so angrily and bitterly it's scary. They're just...weird scary. Like today they were arguing over some math proof or something like that and then they broke out in laughter. When I see this on TV, I laugh, but when I see it in real life it's a little scary. Ye..ah...mmhmm...some of the jokes cracked aren't very funny either, in fact they aren't funny just lame. But that's umm....people for you. Right now I'm feeling like some superficial bitch judging people like this and what makes me "bigger" than them that puts me in a higher status in the social hierarchy? So yeah forgive me for thinking this way. I suck - I've gone over to the other side. =T Blah, I will move on because it is depressing me, thinking that I've become some snot-nosed bitch. Nick Tan is cool tho, he has a neopet! Damn, I thought my pet already died from me not feeding it for several months. Major OOPS. And to think, it even sent me a birthday card. =( I'm a bad owner. And it always says I'm the bestest owner. I feel REALLY bad. =( But anyway, Nick gotta neopet. He's one cool, hepcat. Mmm, in French I didn't have to do my dialogue. =) Whew, coz I didn't study it. But I just had an inkling that Amar wouldn't show up. Typical. Ha, then in English we had this sub who is a total bitch. Well, when I had her in math she told someone that she would never work at South Hills again. That's how bad it was for her and us. But then when I came in and saw her, I almost dropped dead. Leave it to Mr. Chang to get HER as a sub. Well she was ok with us, I think partly because were were "good." She even complimented how "strict" Mr. Chang. Haha yeah RIGHT. Strict my ass. He can't even keep the class under control sometimes.
Remember the cute guy who sits next to me in math? He and this girl who sits in front of him were talking and I sit next to them so it's hard not to overhear what they say and the girl was talking about one of her friends who told her about her ex's penises (schmenises). Her friend said she had an ex had one that was a foot long and that she was jipped. LoL. A foot long and jipped. It's sorta like that...haha, well it sounds like this one forward I got through email. About some Indian guy (curry!) wanting to marry some lady and she didn't want him but he was persistent. And he said he would give her anything in the world and she said she liked to make love so she wanted a 14-inch schmenis and he's like, "Ok, ok I cut I cut!" Damn, I gotta get me an Indian guy. Jk. Heh. Wait ok that didn't have anything to do with what I heard today but hehe oh well. SO anyway, the cute guy was like, "Hey mine's a 4 footer." I tried hard not to laugh but it was inevitable. But they didnt hear me good thing. The funny thing is, the guy is like 6 ft tall + so you'd expect it...I think. Then he's like, "Yeah, I hang flags on it and stuff. It's great!" That dude is so sarcastic. Everything he says is sarcastic. BUt um yeah. That's my bed time story. G'nite!
posted by cinny chan 10:23:14 PM
Mmmm food. There's a crazy pig inside of me that craves Mexican food. Seriously. I dunno what's gotten into me, but lately I'm just fucking hungry all the time. And we're supposed to do this Calorie Tally for English where we write down everything we eat. Hah, like John said, there might not be enough room for me to list all the food that I eat in a day. =) Mr. Chang'll think I'm a pig. So what's up party people (lol you hear wannabe white guys saying this at parties)? Oh yeah, good, glad things are going great. What, my day? Well, thought you'd never ask......
Today was the shit. (the good shit, not the bad shit) First period, I said "shoot" but my teacher's real "proper" (she won't say hell, sex, or God) but I guess I said it like a mutter and so she thought I said "shit" and went "EXCUSE ME?!" Haha. She smiled though so I think she thought it was amusing. Sure seemed that way. She's rather perverse. Anyway, in math my teacher said my name for the first time. I thought he didn't even know my name. There's something about math teachers and how they don't like to develop any relationships with their students - meaning they don't learn first names. That's how it's been for the past three years for me. But anyway, Adam wanted to move seats and he was asking if he could (the loser wants to sleep and play his stupid calculator games) and my teacher, Mr. Graham said, "Yeah because Cynthia wanted you to move, huh? She's like THANK GOD HE'S MOVING." Heh, Mr. Graham cracks me up. But yeah, I feel better now that he knows my name. Whew. Chem I slept in coz there was nothing to do except for the review for homework. I just put my head down and *pow* asleep I be. Damn, the only setback today was in French. We changed seats and I'm back in the same seat again - front row, right in front of the teacher. I can't sleep in that class no more =( Fuck it dog. Damn and I have an oral presentation with AMAR. EWWWWWWW! We're gonna talk about Mr. Potatohead. How fucking retarded is that? Dude, he's a SENIOR and he still plays with Mr. Potatohead. And whenever the teacher asks him what he did over the weekend, he replies with, "Something you don't wanna know." Pig, as Jackson would say. And he goes out with freshmans coz he can't get any with girls his own age. Bleh. And then comes good ol' English. We got our rewrites back and I got a fucking A-!!! FUCK YEA. Hah sorry for all the 'fucks' it's become a habit. I was thinking another C perhaps? I didn't know what the hell I was writing at at 3 AM in the morning or something or other. LoL, well he wrote that my first body paragraph deserved a C or a D but the rest of my paper was good so I got an A-. Woo! Then Curry asked me if I got an A+ and I said HELL no. Heh, Chang was surprised that I said "hell." Damn, why do people think I'm SO innocent and I won't say or do certain things? Today Jared told me to shutup and I told him to fuck off and he's like "ohh!! gimme five!" LoL. And he wouldn't shutup until I did and I slapped his hand sorta loudly and Chang gave Jared a look. Hehe. But anyway, people in our class who usually wouldn't go wacky like Jared or Jackson sorta did and then Chang said how all these other people would start talking outloud and stuff, but he never mentioned me. Gee thanks. But I knew that I wouldn't get through the day without someone making a crack about me. John gladly said that I would get all crazy and shit, but Chang said that with me he didn't have to worry. Hah, he has NO idea. He doesn't know me the way my friends know me so I guess that's how people perceive me to be. =) First impressions are so innocent. Chang said that he would only imagine me slashing somebody's tires when I got mad or something. Hmm..that's a thought. Heh. Why he puts the knife in my hand I do not know. Anyway, our teacher left us to go to a golf game (he's the assistant coach) and he left but he didn't go anywhere, just to see what we'd do. Hehe loser. But eventually someone turned on the radio and stuff. Man, we coulda even watched The PEST!!! Dude, the shower scene. =) Blah. So then we left and school was over. I accompanied Jackson to get him a bookcover and I asked him about his paper. Dude he did worse than I expected. =( I hope you get an A next time, man. Grr. Anyway tomorrow I sell Boba Tea. Yum. =) Damon said he'd buy TWO from me. WOOO. Well, in exchange for letting him print out a picture of me. Bitch. He's a sneaky one. But it's this picture of me back in the wee 8th grade on our graduation day. For one thing, it's rare. Haha coz 1) I'm smiling 2) I'm wearing a skirt 3) It's a picture of me. I rarely take pictures. SO yeah. He said it's a "classic" or something. Haha, oh yeah this guy in my French class has a nosering and something wrong happened and so he was picking his nose and everyone was looking at him. Heh. Some guy even said, "Find any gold in there?" Hehe. Welp, here's my conclusion. Ciao.
posted by cinny chan 8:56:13 PM
Ahhh fuck this homework. I'll do it in math tomorrow. I'm feeling sleepy dammit! Hell, I like talking to people with Australian or British accents. I've only talked to one Aussie, and there's this Indian girl who lived in England, so she has a British accent. Hah, I remember for our Living History, we all had to get a British accent. While we practiced, some of us got our British accent down packed, but when it came to the actual presentation, we all lost our accents. It's cool talking "English" but I could never pull it off. I sound too fake. As for Australian, I dunno. It's supposedly sounds the same, I can't really tell. But they both sound tres sexy. Hah. A British guy comes to our school and he will SURELY get the ladies. I'm sure of it. It's the accent that attracts the girls. And their "properness" while we Americans sound like white trash compared to them. I know girls like the "bad" boys, but there are girls who like the "gentleman" too, and I'm one of them. When I see a "bad" boy, I think, "loser, player, woman beater." Haha. How can that be a turn on?
I don't get it but people feel guilty after they flirt. Or at least that they're aware that they did it and it wasn't some subconscious thing. I know that I kick myself after I do it coz I feel like a pathetic loser. That's why I don't do it and I save myself the time and energy of kicking myself. Blah, I feel like just an endless need to rant about everything that doesn't make sense because my mind is asleep, but my fingers are wide awake. Mmm, I got called "awesome." Does anyone ever use that word anymore? It feels like a word they used back in the 80s. Well you're awesome. =P I dunno who that's directed to but yeah, you are!!! Lala, my bro gonna be turning 21 soon. Woo, now he can buy me beer. Wahaha. That's great about knowing someone who's of legal age. They can buy you everything. Porn, beer, cigarettes (wait, you have to be 26 huh), you know. Everything. Let them enjoy it to their little heart's content. Woo, I'm going to hit the sack now. Oh yeah, why do people just suddenly yell "PENIS" out of nowhere and for no reason? And it's supposed to be funny? I just hear people just screaming it out when you least expect it. After they yell it out, I'm ready to say "SCHMENIS!" Coz you can't say penis without schmenis. Penis schmenis! Just like you can't say pish without tosh. Pish tosh. Spit spot. Psh shaw. There's no you without fuck (evidentally - if you didn't "f" in the first place, you as a person wouldn't be here - ohhhh, cinny going theoretical and shiet). Fuck you. Ha ha ha. I'm going crazy. Don't mind me. This is how I get when I'm sleepy. I'm surprised my spelling hasn't become atrocious yet. Welps, I leave you with this quote, "When nature calls, answer it - or else she'll wreak havoc in your pants" By Yours Truly
posted by cinny chan 11:48:02 PM
I love Dan, but he has no idea who I am. I'm just a person who reads his blog everyday. =) The link that's first in my "Favourites" folder? Is his site. That's how much this guy rules. Everything he says is just comical. And surprise surprise? He's a native San Diegoian. All the peeps in San Diego are ALL like this. That's why I wanna move there. I'd have a grand time with those peeps. ::sigh:: if only I lived there. I think I would be a happy person. Ha, I told Liem today that I wanted to go to UCSD and she sorta jumped on the bandwagon because this guy she likes is gonna go to school somewhere nearby San Diego. =) Anyway, I worked diligently for an hour and complete 3/4 of my chemistry homework. Damn, there are SO many problems. Jeezuz. I still have tons of shit to do. =( Help?
OoOh, Jackson got a candy gram from an anonymous person. OoOh!!!! I'm guessing it's "Snow White." Wouldn't that be great if it really was? Hehe, go Jackson!!!! Oh yeah, we were watching "Schindler's List" today. I thought that movie was really old and stuff coz it was in black and white. But it was made in 93. NINETEEN93. So what's up with that? It's got a lotta nudity in it and Jackson was embarrassed that he couldn't watch. ::snigger:: Hah, what the hell am I sniggering for, I averted my eyes a coupla times too. But my teacher told us to close our eyes. LoL, that just brought me memories of my parents telling me to close my eyes when some nasty scene came on while we were watching a movie. But as a kid, you're just BOUND to peek right? It was just funny tho coz he told us to close our eyes but all of us just kept our eyes glued on the TV screen like we didn't hear him. Coz we didn't see anything crude enough for us to close our eyes for. Actually it was just staticy scenes like an illegal porn channel. How do I know? Don't ask. LoL just kidding. But I always heard Adam Carolla tell stories of how he had to like stare intently at his television set just to see a boob or something between all the static and snow. But anyway, that was gay. Cool thing was Liam Neeson was Schindler. He's a good actor man. Jean Valjean - perfect role.
Last night I got to talk to my bro, Chewy. =) His real name's Charleston. Heh. Sorta funky for an Asian, huh? But nah, we're not really related, it's just that sorta "older bro" "lil sis" type of thang, ya kno wha I'm sayin, homeo G? I love talking to that guy because 1) he pays me compliments nonstop (lol jk - I pay him to do that) 2) our convo is always happy 3) lotta teasing about pimpin' it and smack like that 4) he's mah bro! :) If I were to have a real bro, Chewy would be the PERFECT brother. He told me he's always wanted a lil sis, and I've always wanted an older bro, so dude we'd make good sibs. =) The only difference between us is that he's skinny, I'm fat. He's darker (Indonesian - hahaha reminds me of Curry), I'm a lil pale. He's smart (Mr. UC IRVINE!!!), I'm not. He's very optimistic, I'm pessimistic. But dude, it's all GOOD. Man, this guy is even an Arcadia HS graduate. Damn, can't even compete with that. Lala, but it was great talking to him again. =) I feel good.
Well, back to the old homo-work. See ya in a bit, homey.
posted by cinny chan 9:34:28 PM
So today it is -V-day. In Europe or Asia, V-day wasn't such a great day. It was their defeat in WWII. Anyway, some of my friends were sort of sullen over the fact that they didn't get balloons, roses, chocolate all that junk from a guy, but only from their girl friends. I guess it's only natural to feel a bit jealous when some girls get all that and then you get nothing? Dunno. I was asked if I felt "lonely" but I didn't. Valentine's Day shouldn't be the only day to show how much you love a person. It should be everyday or not at all, but if it's not at all, you might as well not be in a relationship. The cool thing tho was that I got a white carnation from my buddy, Liem. =) Hehe. And the thing was, seniors had an assembly today for their graduation and stuff, and they were let out early from the assembly, so they went to their 4th period class a little early. My sister has math 4th period, and I had math 3rd period, so when she came in, she saw me. And right when she came in, Adam picked up the carnation from my desk and handed it to me. (He didn't know my sister was there, he was just handing it to me) So she probably thought that he gave it to me or something. Heh heh. And she asked me who I got it from but I just was silent. I'm giving her the silent treatment...I did it since yesterday. So anyway, now she thinks some "guy" gave it to me and she was telling my mom how "funny" it was that *I* got something. Hmm, in other words, "It's funny that cinny got a flower when I didn't because I'm a lot prettier and popular than she ever will be." That's what she really wanted to say. But instead she said haughtily, "I don't need to get flowers from gay people." Gee, what's wrong with gay people? You homophobic bitch. But thanks Liem for the flower, and being able to make my sister squirm with jealousy. Sometimes I believe that she deserves it. She thinks everything in life should be given to her, while I should be neglected. And then she often boasts how "good" of a person she is, and thoughtful. MY ASS thoughtful. More like uncaring and neglectful. And the only time she talks to me as a PERSON is when she needs something from me. Otherwise it's GET THE FUCK AWAY YOU UGLY LITTLE TWERP.
Ha, you know how on TV when they feature schools? They ALWAYS have lockers! So that was my dream - to go to high school having lockers and talking to my friends at my locker. And guess what, when I actually got to high school, the lockers were taken away. Just my luck. Fuggerz. My math teacher was just telling us about that. It was mad coolz.
Hey, Angelina Jolie is gonna starr in Tomb Raider as Lara Starcroft? Dude, whenever I saw Lara in the video games and stuff, Jolie was the one who I envisioned as if she were to be played by an actress in real life. But yeah, Jolie rocks. I think she's a great actor, plus she doesn't fit the typical snooty Hollywood actress stereotype. She's different. Wynona Ryder would fall in the same category. Hmmm....Eminem is playing a duet with Elton John. Hah, that's something you don't see everyday but alrite. I just hope Eminem's doing it from the bottom of his heart and not just to please the public that's been ragging on his ass about everything. He can be homophobic or whatever, but dude don't fake it just to please others. That's pathetic. Anyway gotta do some chem, need to catch up a bit. WhaBAM.
posted by cinny chan 4:10:00 PM
I can't write a fucking paper. I'm losing it. And on top of that, that rumour of Jason Wade's wedding? It's been confirmed - it's totally true. FUCK YOU MAN. Blah. I feel like kicking him. ::kick KICK:: I hope you can never have children again. Hehehe. I'm messing. But I'm scarred for life. I will never listen to Lifehouse again. =( And, Jason doesn't deserve to be on my page. Haha. So it will be replaced by this guy. I forget his name, but it was on this Zipasia competition where you voted for the Queen and King or something. I thought this guy was adorable. =) Oh yeah, I remember now - his name was Vince. Yup yup. He sorta looks like a jigalo to me. But a cute one =) Hah.
posted by cinny chan 8:39:18 PM
Oh wow what a booty-ful day. Not really. It's rather overcast and gloomy, just my type of weather. Today started out rather routinely - mom yelling, almost late to school...wait I WAS late to school for the first time this year. Well, at least "late" to the point that I was tardy. But I took my dandy time walking to my classroom coz why bother running like a freakazoid to the class and look like an idiot rushing into the room when the bell rang 3 seconds ago? Not my kinda entrance. So yeah, my teacher obviously noticed I came in because I came in while she was talking and some idiot motioned for her to mark me tardy. It's like HELLO, I'm FREAKING tardy, how would she miss it when the damn door squeaks like a thousand mouses every time you open it? I dunno who motioned to her but I hope they die. So it was the usual in first period and in PE we didn't have to play today but tomorrow we do. Ooh goodie. Flag football. Break time came and yesterday I said I would say hi to Damon but I saw him and I didn't. Haha, I just smiled and walked away. Then I came back and he saw me and we both exchanged smiles and Ellen was right there so she turned around to see who I was smiling at and she gave me a "look." I knew she would say something later in Chem. And boy was I right. But anyway, it's all cool between us now. Coolsville daddio. Blah blah blah, fast forward to English. Remember what Jackson was supposed to do? Well he gave the letter but Chang didn't read it. Poo. =( That sucked. We'll just have to wait till tomorrow. Wait till tomorrow, fat boi-yee! Fat boy-eee! Sorry silverchair song, just had to do it.
The only thing out of the ordinary today was in first period, was when Tatiana passed to Michelle, who passed to me this little package wrapped in yellow paper. Tatiana who was the one who told me that "Christian" liked me, told me again that this was from "Christian." And it was bad enough that she told Michelle because you gotta know one thing about Michelle. She is a GOSSIP QUEEN. She thrives on gossip. So when they both gave me the package, they were smiling and giving me this "look." And then I looked at it and thought that Tatiana was just playing an evil joke on me. So my anger sort of grew inside altho I didn't show it. I just took it and stared at it until I realized there was a message written on there. And it didn't look anything like Tatiana's or Michelle's writing, and it definately looked like a guys. So I thought, ok it might be from him. I looked at the writing and it looked a BIT like "Christian's" but not really. And then the message had the word "damn" in it so I thought that it surely didn't sound like him, but the thing is, "Christian" has told me he's been angry a lot lately and been using curse words, so that could explain for the word "damn." Anyway, I was just thinking how weird it was to get it because I hadn't done anything special for him except for give him my book and stuff. So anyway, the whole day I was just trying to think why I got it, and I was going to ask him why he gave it to me in sixth period, but then my friend stopped me before I went into my sixth period and asked me if I got the candy. But I didn't really hear him because everyone was shouting and there was so much hoopla, I had to ask him to repeat it three times. Then he asked me if I got the candy which he had given to Maria to give to me. And I was agasp =O Hehehehe. Jeezuz people. This is what happens when you don't give or say things firsthand. It's like the game telephone where everything gets misconstrued. So anyway, the funny thing is "Christian's" name is the short-version of my friend's name and a couple people call him "Christian's" name instead of his full name, and apparently Maria does, which was BAD, yet good in a way. Haha. Anyway, now that all things are cleared up THANKS to who gave me the package. =) I've been deprived of it for awhile so yeah thanks. =) Haha sorry about all the confusion. Anyway, in sixth period Tatiana asked me what that whole "package" from John was about and I told her it wasn't from him. But she didnt' believe me. Oh wellz. Who cares what she thinks. Guess this'll be it. Lay-terz.
posted by cinny chan 4:27:51 PM
One AM after and I'm finally finished with my DAMN english essay. Now here comes the migraine. I'm pretty sure this is a C paper but I don't care for the time being. I'll worry my ugly toosh when the time comes. Hah, I'm guessng my fellow classmates are pretty disgruntled about writing this paper too because it SUCKS! We're utterly confused about this whole topic and I think it should be shot. The book and the teacher (hehehe jk...ok not really). But that's how life is - full of crappy no brained essay topics. Jackson is really pist off that he got a rather degrading grade on his paper. Thus, ruining his grade in the class. He wrote a letter to our teacher basically saying that he taught crap to us. Actually, he tries to teach us, but we all interrupt him and he never gets around to what he's supposed to teach. So I do feel sorry for him. Anyway, back to this Jackson dilemma. He's going to give this letter (it's long if I might add) to Chang and let him read it to the class. Oh boy, me and Vipul are anticipating it like it's the next Super Bowl (not). But we're just anxious what's going to happen. It's the next Tyson/Evander Holyfield match. Mano y mano. I personally think we're all gonna die. Not sure. But the thing is, I don't wanna see Jackson out there alone with Mr. Chang to chew him out (ha pardon the pun if there was one - you might get it if you've seen Chang). I wanna back him up coz he's my buddy, but the thing is...yes there's the big fat BUT(t). Although I agree with what Jackson said in his letter to Chang, I can already find valid points to argue AGAINST him. I respect teachers and how they teach and I can argue and complain how crappy they teach, but they're up there slaving to help us teach things (well I hope they are because if not I'm ready to kick butt) and even it's bad, at least they're doing it right? I mean we get SOMETHING out of what they're teaching. But I just think we sophmores in his class are a buncha rebellious, fiesty kids. Ok, now I'm just blabbing because I'm not thinking straight. Actually, everything I wrote is a buncha stuff I'm not sure even makes sense because my head HURTS, but I just want to blog before I go to bed. Is that a crime? I don't know. SO disregard everything I wrote on this post, coz I'm not even sure what I'm writing. Ha, it sorta sounds like my essay that I just wrote, except I don't get graded on this.
I think I would have finished earlier on my essay if I hadn't chatted. But I guess it was worth it. Me and Damon finally "talked" again like we used to. Meaning no pauses. It was RAD! It was like old times, the good times. ::feeling nostalgic:: I think because we broke the barrier that was between us - the source of our communication problem. He felt that I didn't really acknowledge his existence and my reason was that he ignored me. Haha, basically we both the same thing. But it's nice to just come out in the open right? He told me I never told him "stuff" anymore. Well because I didn't think he wanted to hear it. So we hugged and cried and made up. No...just the made up part. But yeah, I'm supposed to say "hi" to him at school tomorrow. How gay yet innocent we are? But I know that I think this guy is an asshole at times but he's also a great friend. I can tell him anything and I won't feel like an idiot, and I can insult him all I want and he will never be hurt by my comments. I think I've said all the fat jokes in the world that I can imagine, and he's never gotten mad at me. I love those kinda friends. Just I hope that they love me back because without them I'm nothing. Without my friends I am nothing. I am utterly useless. Ok before I turn into a gushing mush, I'll shutup and go to sleep like I SHOULD BE DOING! Dammit, how I sacrifice for thee, Blogger. Au revoir mes amis.
posted by cinny chan 1:10:09 AM
Don't you just hate it (if you're a girl) when you're ready to go pee and then you see someone left a little wet surprise for you on the toilet? Otherwise known as extra deposits of pee that have either splashed up from the toilet or they don't do the little "shake it all before getting up off of the toilet." Haha. But yeah, I just went, and there was dried up pee from I'm guessing yesterday. But the advantage at my house is that the toilet seats are white so I can see if there is pee on there. At school, I'm not sure what color the toilet seats are even, plus we don't have the benefits of having toilet seat covers, so yeah. I have to constantly wipe the toilet seat because I know there is BOUND to be some pee on there that I can't see (you can never see it). But when I'm in a rush, I'll forget, and the days that I forget, guess what's waiting for me? Oh yes, the little sweet pee. I wonder if you can transmit STD's from touching someone else's pee? Coz I don't trust the girls at our school. About 60% are promiscuous. Crud, they just ruin it for the innocent ones, don't they?
Have you guys heard of the show "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?" Probably not because it comes on at 10 AM when we're all away to school. But it starrs Sam Phillips from Sheena and Sam Show on 97.1 FM KLSX and Dr. Drew (Pinksy) from Loveline. It's purdy cool I guess coz I was just watching it today. One question was brought up: Why do men prefer boxers or briefs? I never knew why either; I only thought it was that when they got pantsed, they at least had their boxers to protect us girls from losing our eyesight. But I would prefer boxers. It's looser and I don't have to see the bulge. Lalala 0:)
Haha, don't you just love it when the ditzy cheerleaders are doing their stupid pyramid thing and then the girl at the top falls and then the whole group falls? My PE teacher was watching them and when they did fall she started laughing so hard coz it was hysterical. She tried hard not to because it was "sad" but she couldn't help herself. I think we all have a internal hatred for cheerleaders, even the cheerleaders themselves. They're usually at the top of the social food chain boring down on us all. They're the most popular, bitchiest, and sluttiest girls in school. And then there's a fat one. Hahha, I know I'm being extremely cruel, but me and my best friend used to make fun of this really fat girl who brought a DINNER to school for lunch. She had silverware and the whole works. Damn. So we called her "dinner girL" for the longest time. But then our schools separated and I didn't see the "dinner girL" for the longest time, until last year, when we had our school rally, I saw her thundering down the school gymnasium - in her cheerleader uniform. I'm sure everyone was gaped mouth as I. And the thing is, she's not an ordinary FAT girl. She's a mean bitched, that hangs out with the popular crowd. So I think it's ok to make fun of her. Because she is super snotty and super FAT. So anyway, what I find really funny is that although she's a cheerleader, she's pretty yucky looking. Her personality is pretty yucky too. But her brother was prom king, football jock, a stud to all the girls blah blah. Life's pretty ironic, don't ya think?
::sigh:: Another Jason Wade update. He DOES have a girlfriend and her name is Braden. =( All I can say is PLAYER!!!! Hehehehehe.
posted by cinny chan 12:41:26 PM
