Monday, September 17, 2001: [ Pissed Off at the World ]

Do you ever just have days where everyone just pisses you off? Ugh. I'm having one of those days. My manager bitched at me for not having good STATS. I hate my job. My life sucks. And the person who I most needed to be supportive is being a complete dick. How typical. THANK YOU GOD FOR SUCH A WONDERFUL LIFE. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I bet you think this is funny. In a sick way I do too. Just try to laugh amidst my tears and I guess it will all work out. Some days it's hard not to just drive into a wall.
[ posted by nerdgir1 07:57 PM PST] [ link ] [ 2¢ ]

Monday, September 17, 2001: [ Cam cam bo bam ]

The mighty nerdcam is back in action. Rawwwr!
[ posted by nerdgir1 12:39 AM PST] [ link ] [ 2¢ ]

Sunday, September 16, 2001: [ Update at Long Last! ]

Ok I've been massively slack about updating and I do apologize. I've been moving into my new place and so that's where most of my freetime has gone. At work, I've been studying C++ really hard. I finally finished the C++ book I was working out of and now I'm starting a new one. I was using "Practical C++ Programming" from O'Reilly press. Great book. Anyway, now I'm starting "Mastering Algorithms with C" also from O'Reilly press.

I'm still totally bummed about my job. This past week was so hard to get through. It is hard working at a job you hate, but knowing it's the best available right now. I remember when jb was working the job he hated it seemed like every other post was "I hate my job". And now I really understand what he was going through. But the fact that he got through it, well that's inspration. Thanks Jarrod!!

This is my first post from my new apartment!! I'm setting up the webcam so my nerdcam will be functional again. Sometime this week I'll get my DSL modem... zoinks!! I decided to go with Qwest. If I hate them I'll switch to Earthlink but it's been such a hassle dealing with Earthlink. Qwest isn't much better... what is happening to consumer support? It's getting more complicated and more and more we have to deal with stupid people before we can talk with someone who knows whatsup. And the only reason it is like that is because of all the beauracracy companies are now adding onto their consumer support. So the people who know what they are talking about can't be bothered to do crap like that. yarrrr... it makes my life difficult.

At work one of the guys is doing some tools project where we're developing a tool for managers and team leads to review customer support cases closed by technical routers like myself. He asked me to do the data model and to lay out the specs since he didn't know how to do any of that and knows I've had that kind of background. So that's been fun. We did a data model and sketched out a use case diagram. Crazy stuff. Maybe it will get me a new job. Ha ha.

My college recruiter through MS said January there might be openings. So I've been studying C++ hard just in case I get an interview. God I hope I get an interview. I can just imagine if I get a job doing something else at MS in a real dev team... knowing that I'll be starting in that job will make going to work everyday such a relief. I think that's why I get so down. I'm so scared that I'm going to be stuck there, seriously, for the rest of my life. I'm scared that's all I'm good for. So having a job lined up in the near future would relax me. I think I'm just going to preten that I have a job lined up and remind myself that this situation is only temporary. Everyone at my job says "I'm not gonna be here long" but some of those folks have been there the longest... yow.

If I got an interview I wouldn't tell anyone at work. Just in case I didn't get the job, cuz then I'd look stupid, I reckon. And then if I got the job, I wouldn't tell anyone.. it would be my secret. And that would be hard, not to tell anyone. Not until it was time for me to put in my 2 weeks notice. I need to just stay focused and do my work. It's funny... that's what I do. I do an ok job too. The managers give me shit about stupid things, but as long as they have no grounds to give me shit about anything major then I figure I'm doing alright.

Everyone talks about applying for "FTE TR". That's where you're not contingent (contractor) but you are actually a full employee of Microsoft. It satisfies me to know that I can realistically say no to that option and know that for me it would be a bad career move. Everyday that I'm there I realize I am a lot smarter than most of the folks I work with. Which isn't to put them down... but it gives me confidence that I will not be stuck there.

It's not a *bad* job really because I can study. I'm just scared that's all I'll ever get hired for and I'll be stuck. Yarrr... ok... gonna do something semi-productive. I'm so tired maybe I'll go to bed or something...
[ posted by nerdgir1 10:36 PM PST] [ link ] [ 2¢ ]

Wednesday, September 5, 2001: [ Good Ol' Bill ]

Don't worry Allan, I can't draw straight lines either... though sometimes I wonder if I were to measure the brainwaves of half the customers that call Microsoft Developer Support with an encephalograph... I reckon THAT would get you a STRAIGHT LINE!!!!!!!!!
[ posted by nerdgir1 05:49 PM PST] [ link ] [ 2¢ x 1 = spare change ]

Wednesday, September 5, 2001: [ Spiders are DEAD ]

I fumigated my new apartment. I got some of those Raid fogger things and me and Carlton set off 3 bug bombs and now all the spiders are dead bwah ha ha ha. And the apartment doesn't even stink because the stuff is odorless.

Tommorrow is the big moving day. Gonna move my sofa, bed, desk, and bicycle. I'm actually excited about setting up my new place. I will be sad to not be living with Carlton in some respects. It will be nice to really have my own space to call home though. It's already getting really cozy. I'll have to post some photos once I get it sorted out. Ha ha.

I've been going NUTS with the C++. I'm slamming down about 1.5-2 chapters per day. I'm working on really understanding how pointers work. I wrote a program that sums the elements in an array and then optimized it using pointers. Pretty cool.

I really want to start digging into this Desktop Applications with C++ Exam prep stuff that I borrowed from the Library. Mostly because everyone here says the exam is so hard and I just want to show off. Because I'm super smart and to me it's just another university exam really. And I know I can pass it. People here think they know so much, some of them... for me it's more of a resource to show off and get people off my back so they can see I'm really smart and capable. I just get hassled a lot because I'm young and not used to this rigid environment so sometimes I do things my own way. I really want a better job, but I'm happy right now to study and prep for that future job. Give me a few more months and I'll be rockin'.
[ posted by nerdgir1 05:44 PM PST] [ link ] [ 2¢ ]

Wednesday, August 29, 2001: [ My Birthday!! ]

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 23 years old. Yow.

It was a weird day but it ended well. I had to renew my drivers license. That took 3 hours thus I was 2 hours late for work. I had some really tough calls all day long. Difficult cases where someone else had messed up and then I was left to clean up the mess and deal with the angry/confused customer. Yikes!!

I got home at 9:30 and had cake with Carlton. He gave me Akira, 2 prepaid phone cards for my cell phone, and a cool sparkly lava lamp. He also ordered an Iomega Hipzip!! Nishan gave me a cool candle thing, it's a pottery thing and you put a candle inside. It's really cool looking and I can't wait to put it on my coffee table when I get my new place set up. At work my coworkers gave me various last minute gifts. Hao gave me an apple. Judy gave me a nutri-grain bar. Craig gave me a sticker and a cookie. I think Tyler threw something at me. Oh and Marty made this banner on the main PSS internal site scroll by saying Happy Birthday Heather!! But he had to take it down pretty quick lest a manager see it and kick his butt.

Today, I set up my services to my apartment!! It's so exciting!!! I've got phone and power set up. I need to do cable and reserve a uhaul truck. I can't beleive it!! I just need help with some of the furniture... so I'd like to do it on Friday before everyone leaves for the weekend. I'll see what I can scam, hopefully it will be sunny.
[ posted by nerdgir1 01:32 PM PST] [ link ] [ 2¢ x 3 = spare change ]

Monday, August 27, 2001: [ Jeepers... ]

I closed a case but this guy reamed me for it... the guy who I feel like kinda picks on me a bit. I guess it's not that he picks on me, that's just his style. It burns because I take personal... I think there's some weird chemistry between us. You know how one person can say something to you and you don't care but if another person says the exact same thing it will completely piss you off? That's what it is. Really it's just his style.. his way.. who he is. And I need to just chill out about it and not take it personal. Because I'm better than this job and I won't let any of the trivial bullshit of other people that live in a different world than me get me down.

Fer sher....

Anyway... just got back from lunch. I love it sunny!!! I went for a hike by the blackberry bushes again. I sat down to have a picnic but I was chased away by the wasps. Those things are evil and persistent. And not afraid of humans!! I was worried I would get stung... they must have really wanted some of my bbq chicken! I made the bbq sauce myself and I must say if I was a wasp I would be relentless about getting a taste too! So I started walking and eating... which was a bit of a challenge seeing as the wasps decided to follow me. Eventually I outsmarted them though... and I found a hidden shady path that I hadn't noticed before. Unfortunately all the blackberries I found were either unripe or *too* ripe. Or the good ones were homes to other organisms I didn't really want to eat despite the potential protein content. One blackberry bush tried to hang on to me!! It reached out and grabbed my hair and actually managed to pull it out of the pony tail holder. So of course I looked like a freak!!!!

I picked a few and of course I was late coming back from lunch by about 10 minutes. Oh wells... I hate rigid schedules even if I know the higher purpose. It's so nice outside... I wish I didn't have such a drone like job.

Actually I've been making peace with my job. I say this everyday, but now I'm really trying to... I just keep reciting a mantra to myself "I love my job" "I love my job". As soon as I can truly make peace with my job, then I will be able to move on. I guess this is a sort of test/obstacle and I have to learn to see it as "opportunity". Actually I see it as an opportunity to learn more about myself and to learn about professionalism. To mature in my professionalism ha ha...
[ posted by nerdgir1 04:05 PM PST] [ link ] [ 2¢ ]

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