What a shock Bush is now using military force all ready.... Not even two full months in office, and the dirty Republican is already bombing Iraq.... I swear.... just go to CNN..... I am so mad at Bush right now.....
posted by Chris Capik at 2:48 PM

Its 2 am, and I am wide-awake, partially due to finishing a English paper due tomorrow, just revisions. Another reason is due to me having a diet coke around 10:00 I really need to stop drinking diet cokes late at night they keep me up, even though Alexis agreed that due to the semester started again that the no diet coke after 8 pm was voided I think I am going to put that back into effect again, except for necessary reasons. Today was a very dark and moody day. I woke up to the beautiful sound of rain hitting the roof, for some reason that sound is very relaxing to me, after taking a nice warm shower I took thirty minutes to prepare for my history exam today… I think I did well on it, I prepared enough I think for it. Wednesday was, as we all know as either ‘neutral singles day’ or ‘valentines day’. To me it was Valentines Day, due to being with someone I love. I sent her roses, nothing too creative, but she was really happy and that is what is important to me. It seems either my friends were happy about Valentines Day or loathed it… I never heard so many “Valentines Day is too commercial, all it is, is a scam”. Ok, so we live in a capitalistic society that entails commercialism in aspects of our life, so big deal… Valentines Day is a holiday so you can just express your love to that person. Sure, I express my love towards Alexis everyday and I don’t love her anymore or any less due to what day it is, but to bash Valentines Day because it’s a commercial holiday is ridicules, Christmas is a commercial holiday too, but for some reason the same people that gripe about Valentines Day love Christmas. Anyways, my Valentines Day was great despite the fact I had to study that night for my History exam. Today will be an interesting day, I have Astronomy in which my nutty London raised professor will give us the “review” for our exam, and then I have English in which the paper is due, which Martha is now destroying at the moment fixing my stupid grammatical errors (thanks Martha). I am going to the central Library later today, I have reserved some Jean Paul Sartre books and one Ralph Waldo Emerson book (Existentialism and Transcendentalism what a great combination!), I plan on doing some nice relaxation reading and writing in my new found journal that Alexis so thoughtfully purchased for me. If I write anything very profound in my journal I will most certainly post it on here to boost my ego of course. I think I am also going to find an Ayan Rand book, I’ve never read any of her work, but I have heard good things and some bad things, so I might as well find out for myself. I am still looking for someone to recommend me a great moralistic philosophy book (other than Kant) that would be great!!! Well, I am going to go bed soon, oh yeah… The web-cam shot a capture of the CD autographed from Howie Day, if you don’t know who that is dear lord go find out at his website!!!!!!! He is amazing, go see him buy his CD!!( Got to love the plugs… if you have a band that needs promotion send me a cd, if I enjoy it I’ll be sure to give ya plugs)
posted by Chris Capik at 12:14 AM

I woke up late today, I was up really late last night thinking hence the very longs journal entries. Besides that my day was nice. I went to English, art appreciation and then I bowled a 138. Then I came home and studied for a history test that I could have sworn is tomorrow but I was informed its not till Thursday. Today was great due to the fact that Alexis’s gift arrived and mine did as well. Because we have the patience with presents like a five year old on Christmas morning, we opened them over the phone. I got her dirty dancing of course because that is her favorite movie. But, what she got me made me literally shed tears… I enjoy writing, that’s why I have this on-line journal, but I also like to write things that you people don’t see… and she honed into that. She got me a beautiful journal with “footprints” a poem on the cover. That gift is definitely the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. That is why I love her with all my heart; she has got to be the most thoughtful person in the world. She also made me a cd with a bunch of songs that really mean something to each other. I am looking forward to my trip on spring break even more than ever, because I will get to spend time with the woman I love. Its midnight and I am sleepy so I am going to bed now… I am still looking for a good thought provoking book so if anyone can recommend one please e-mail me!
posted by Chris Capik at 10:00 PM

Finding what once was lost...

It is one of those nights in which you can’t sleep, your mind is just thinking over and over, over analyzing things to where you start to nick pick everything about your life and other things. Tonight I have come to the realization of three things. One I don’t have a broad spectrum of friends I only have a few, two my web abilities now compared to others is pathetic. Finally I have come to realize that my ‘wisdom’ that I once had I’ve lost. My brain can’t analyze things anymore like it used to, but I think that is because it hasn’t needed to. Sure, my life right now is very good. I have a beautiful girlfriend who I can honestly see spending the rest of my life with (yes I am only 19), but it just seems right. I am getting a college education, more than some will ever have, and I have a good job. I spent at least an hour staring at this monitor thinking and saying to myself “Good lord I couldn’t be artistic if my life depended on it”. I’ve always been told I’ve been a fantastic writer, but for some reason I haven’t had a reason to write anything worth something. Nothing has really peaked my interest. I think one of the major problems is that I have stopped reading. Sure I know I didn’t read a lot but I read, I read Nietzsche, Emerson, Thoreau, Plato, tried to read Kant but threw it down because I was tired of his semantics, I read Descartes but now what do I read? I read crap… I haven’t picked up a book that actually makes you think… So I have a new goal in the next month go to Barns n Nobles or better yet go to a cheap used book place and find a good old philosophy book… I really don’t know whom I would want to read, so if those who read this know of any good philosophers please e-mail me and let me know!!! Looking back at the journal entry I wrote before I realize those words were quite trivial and unintelligent. I have two goals in life that have remained constant they are to 1) Have a family that can honestly love each other and 2) Write a book… I really don’t think the later one will come true but I’ve always wanted to write a book. I read a story about prejudice tonight and it just made me think back of my childhood… Growing up with a birth defect really changes your life. I was teased and tormented as a child due to it, I was called names, and was bullied around by others. However, I myself have used hate filled words against those who I have tried to spite even though I know when those words have fueled my own sorrow. Hatred is something that I wish I could get rid of, I don’t think I could go a day without saying I hate something…Prejudice comes in so many different ways and we just don’t realize it, I hope that someday we can honestly put down our bigotry and try to just stay at peace with each other. Another thing that is really irritating me is ignorance. I can be very ignorant about certain things, I like to be right, that stems from my debating life, but I really despise how someone can be ignorant all the time. Making comments towards subjects in which they have no knowledge of but because they read an article that makes them a scholar in that subject. “Ignorance is bliss” I think not… “Ignorance is nothing but lack of courage to speak after gaining knowledge” and that is a quote by myself. There has been one individual in my life that has taught me many things and that is Dr. Tripp a man who taught Philosophy at my high school as well as Art History. I have known him for three years and he still amazes me when I see him. He is what you can honestly call a “renaissance” man, he very intelligent, can write amazingly, can make art, etc. He taught me many things while I was his teacher aid and a student of his. I really wish I could tell him all this, but somehow I think he already knows that I looked up to him. College right now is becoming overbearing sure I am taking some pretty “easy courses” but my heart isn’t in all my classes…. The only class I am really enjoying is Art Appreciation, I really with I could make a work of art like Pollock or Van Gogh, but I have the artistic ability of an ant. Valentines day is approaching, this will be the first time I have had a “valentine”… I know this is a commercial holiday but if it allows for me to show the love I have for my girlfriend then it’s worth every second of it. It is now 3 am and I am still wide-awake, it perplexes me how I do not sleep like I used to, I just don’t sleep anymore. I was just looking a quotation site and found this quote "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." -Martin Luther King, Jr. Martin Luther King was a brilliant man, certainly a man in which someone could try and be like. He didn’t allow hatred to destroy his fate but rather turned the hatred into a positive. I have class in 7 hours, Astronomy where I will see two acquaintances that I sit by… One girl is your average girl, nothing-special quiet but you know she has a wild party side in her. Then there’s the other girl who is your prim and proper always high fashioned, color coordinated girl. Two sides of the spectrum and yet they are best of friends. I somehow managed to fall into their circuit of friends… I am not like them… yet maybe I am when I come into class wearing Kenneth Cole’s with kakis and a v-neck short-sleeved shirt. The question if I am gay has come up many times in my life internally and externally. I honestly can say I prefer women over men but I enjoy being well dressed, and going shopping for clothes. I find it flattering that people have taken the time to question my sexual preference, and I normally if asked I will toy with their minds, I have no problem joking about homosexuality because I myself have gay friends and in my opinion what ever floats your boat! But, what does bug me is how people pass judgment about issues such as homosexuality. People due to various reasons dislike the idea of homosexuality, and find it unethical, but really it is no difference from heterosexuality. There are two people who love each other, and therefore wish to spend their life with that person… Sure they aren’t the same in the Adam and eve way and they can’t produce a child but is that wrong? No…. Just because its not customary that doesn’t make it wrong. I’ve touched so many things in this, and I think it is helping my mind come back to me… I now have a clear understanding on things that will be accomplished.

1) Get an intelligent book to read
2) Write something intelligent after reading and reflecting
3) Stop with words of hatred.
4) Find my creative spark again
posted by Chris Capik at 1:15 AM

Living life in the fast lane, and not giving a fuck…

Why do we as Americans feel the necessity to things to quickly? The other day it was beautiful, temperature in the 60’s nice breeze going on. Perfect weather just to roll the windows down and cruise while listening to some nice jams. I of course had my new “Re-launch Defcon I” cd in my cd player, which is a great mix of rap songs. Anyways I am driving on I-20 (our major highway) and in my truck I normally stay around 65 due to my truck being old, so I am minding my own business cruising at 65 and I see people just flooring it and going past me, I even had one guy give me a ‘fuck you dude’ look. Know what I say to all that… Fuck that shit… What’s the point? I’ve never understood a point in rushing…. Take the time and just relax, I’d rather live my life peaceful and relaxed rather than running franticly around like a chicken with his head cut off. All my friends know that promptness is a huge thing with me, but I never go nuts about getting there on time, I take the time before hand so I don’t have to rush because all it will do is send me to the grave early. I think I am going to make a new rap cd tonight; I have about 10 fresh new tracks that just need to pound in my truck. I love having a stereo system in my car, I don’t know what I would do without it, it’s a great stress reliever. I love being able to come out of something stressful and just release it all by jamming to a fast, furious song. I have a tendency to sing in my truck and I know people give me weird looks, but I really don’t care because its fun. I’ve always wanted to just look at one person one day while listening to a song and flick’em off and see how they react… Don’t ask my why but I find it funny to see peoples reactions to weird stuff. The other week I put a %n tag in my profile and needless to say within 5 hrs I had people pounding me with messages “I NEVER SAID THAT TAKE IT OFF!” Shit like that always amuses me. Today I studied for a history test that is on Tuesday, I really don’t like history anymore it is pointless, lets just focus on the now and fix the problems of today rather then look back on what made this corruption, greedy, capitalistic “united states”, I really think we are still just a “nation” rather than the United States, because we are still divided by so many things. Racism still exists (predominantly more in some places), Major social differences still exist between the middle class and the rich, and social diversity exists with very few common bonds. I am your average white middle class citizen, who probably in a few years after college will get fucked over by Affirmative Action (yes that does happen if you don’t buy it read about it). I really hope Bush doesn’t screw this country up too much, nothing against you Republicans out there but Bush is a moron. Sure I grant you Clinton wasn’t perfect, but at least he could deal with politics. Bush is the epitome of a president ran by the members of his cabinet rather than himself. I am avidly against his tax plan, and I really think that we will end up like we were when Regan was in office after Bush is in office for a while. It will be interesting what happens while he is in office, I am just waiting to see what happens. One more thing before I end this journal… I read that Eminem is going to do a duet with Elton John at the grammys’. One word for this shit RETARDED… I used to think Eminem was great he spoke his mind and wasn’t fake, but now he has become a billboard chart bitch just like a million others who let the $ and the fame take them away from what they came to do… Just like Dre, Eminem became a chump… Eminem has lost my support as a fan and so has Dre, sure you two can pump out some great beats, but when it comes down to it, I’d rather listen to the realists… So as they say “Fuck Eminem and Dre.” Aight its 1am my mind is random as hell and this journal is now over..
posted by Chris Capik at 11:03 PM

I think college has really changed me as a person. I was never forward in high school, I was always timid, and vulnerable. But for some reason ever since graduation I feel powerful, I am no longer afraid to say or do things. I can just start a conversation with someone in my class, or just act goofy with my friends now without caring about what others are thinking. I really don’t know why that just in the past six months I gained all this self-confidence, but it is really nice to have now. I feel much stronger now. It is rather interesting how people react to certain things. Since gaining a wardrobe, highlighting my hair, and carrying myself with more poise people have started to treat me different. I became aware of this when the other day I came to class in jeans and a shirt and a girl made the comment ‘Chris your not all “Banana Republic” today, what’s wrong with you?!…. This surprised me because I never really thought much about that my new wardrobe became my status quo and people would be shocked to see me dress casual. But further, this weekend at the debate tournament I got a lot of “Chris, whoa you have changed big time”. Even at the tournament I was treated differently with people whom I once knew on the circuit but with I guess with all my changes I am much more appealing? I don’t know… I guess people pay very close attention to what clothes people wear, because I’ve certainly noticed since I have changed just a few elements of my appearance people act totally different towards me. That was just a random thing that I was thinking about today at work. Speaking of work I have finally completed the LelandsWallpaper.com re-designing phase. It was a very arduous task, but the site looks so much better now. So if you are in the need of some new wallpaper or need a border for your house GO ORDER SOME NOW! I am feeling better everyday hopefully by the end of this week I will be back to 100%, right now I’d say I am at 80%. Tomorrow is ‘Hell Tuesday’ as I like to call it. I have classes all afternoon then that night it looks like an all out Astronomy Study/Star Searching night (oh joy). I played ‘The Sim’s’ tonight for about 3 hours designing a new house. I made the “Capik Family” (how quaint). I have myself and Alexis in it… it will be interesting to see how things turn out, I used both our astrological signs to make it more ‘realistic’. I will have fun doing this… I have become the king of procrastination…. In a few months I am going to be shooting myself in the head because of this too.. O’Brien is on I go watch…
posted by Chris Capik at 9:46 PM

I am feeling better today, at least I got a lot of work done so far, I upgraded a lot of software on my computer, and then I also finished two books for history. I had lunch on Friday with a friend that I hadn’t seen in about 6 months it was really nice to see her. Today is my one-month anniversary with Alexis, I am so lucky to have her. Everyday she makes me happy, I’ve been sick lately and it has been really nice having here there cheering me up and telling me to get medicine and not be a dummy. I think tonight I am going to do some studying for some classes, I know Monday night I have to study for a math quiz and I have to study for history. I think tonight I am going to look at some Astronomy stuff and maybe read a bit in history. I know I have an Art history test this week, not really worried about it we will see how it goes. I have been watching this NHL All-star game it is amazing, right now the score is 10-8 North America over World. I love watching Mario Lemuix again it is so great to see a player like that come back into the game. Not much more to say other than go buy Howie Days’ CD its worth it!
posted by Chris Capik at 1:58 PM