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17.sep.01
well tonight took a serious turn towards the wretched. sudden neediness at 9 o'clock is not a good thing. needing a hug when you are all alone is even worse.i was just sitting here on the couch minding my own business when it came slamming into me. all i want is someone to need me. to want to be with me. to tell me i cooked a good dinner.
ahh, fuckit. i am going to go to bed. whining isn't gonna do any good. right? right?
-- jodi : 10:02 pm :link: i dare you (2)
my pet peeve in the world of bowling is the women.
not all the women, but the simpy, pointless women who come down to Dan Patch Lanes all curled-up Mondovi haired, mascaraed and blue-eye-lined and sit in a booth watching their husband's bowl.
i wouldn't mind these women if they just hung out and watched their husbands bowl, because you know, you do whatever makes you happy and what not. but these women drive me batty, because when they aren't just sitting there with blank looks of either boredom or idiocy on their faces,they watch me like a hawk making sure i don't throw their husbands on the counter and fuck them before the fifth frame instead of handing him a miller high life.
really, i thought maybe it was all in my head. but them me mamala came in to relieve me tonight and said, "wow, you're getting the look of death."
then tommy said, "because you're cuter."
ha!
Because I am a dork, I’ve made it my mission to do something positive or nice for someone once a week. It’s silly, I know, but for some reason I need to do this. I was gonna do something nice/positive from someone every day. . . but let’s be realistic—I am a lazy bastard.
This week I bought a “where the wild things are” for matt’s new baby. Matt’s one of my co-workers. It wasn’t much, but it was something. His baby girl was born on September 11th. The birth was a bit overshadowed by the attacks, so I wanted to do a little something.
I’ve no idea what I am going to do next week or who for, I am open to any ideas.
16.sep.01
15,000 people were silent.15.sep.01
1. his shaking hips sent a visceral and instantaneous shock of sexjuice through my body.
2. he sang the first two verses of the 'mats skyways and even realized he fucked up the lyrics.
3. he talked of corndogs and how very much he loves them.
4. cuz i wanna.
14.sep.01
the conversation of the night:"ok, i just gotta ask you something."
"go ahead."
"first i gotta say, i'm a married man and i love my wife and everything, but i saw a tattoo."
"yes."
"you don't have to show it to me or anything, but is it superman?"
"yes."
"nice, very nice."
i am not sure who was blushing more at the end of the exhange, me or randy.
my mom told me tonight of the phonecall sister #3 made to my nearly-four-year-old niece jaycie on tuesday-- jaycie's first day of pre-school. sister #3 called and asked jaycie what she was doing, "i'm crying with mom. there's a fire on tv cece and it's bad."
ugh.
sister #2 says that's the last the kids have seen of the whole ordeal. she won't let them watch it anymore.
since my word is good, i cried tonight. i sobbed like a big baby, and now i am done. it's time to be strong and i am so damn good at that.
this is it, my last day of mourning. i am tired of crying. i am tired of being sad. so very, very tired of my heart aching. the time has come for me to move on.
sequestered in the midwest, i am lucky, it will be easier for me to regain some semblance of normalcy. one can only allow their heart to be broken for so long before it threatens to suck them right in.
of course, i will still seek out breaking news. see how history continues to unfold. but i will not sit glued to the tv for hours on end, will not complusively check nytimes.com to see what's going on.
nope, i am done with that. i'll still cry at the news. that's something i've been doing for the last 10 years-- that is normal in my world. i'll still get goosebumps at the horror of it all. i'll still be moved beyond words at the atrocities we've witnessed. but no longer will it be the central focus of my days.
tomorrow i will go out and shake my booty in the crisp fall air. i will listen to bands i've adored for as long as i can remember adoring music. i will be with people. my people. minnesotans, and some of the best minnesota music around.
i will laugh and smile and dance and i will not feel guilty. i will celebrate life and be joyful and thankful.
in the meantime, i will go to the bowling alley. hash over the weeks events with my friday night boys. tonight, i will cry. but tomorrow, it's a brand new day.
The phone rang around 8 o’clock last night. I was overjoyed! Without Otto, my nights have been pretty quiet and lonesome. Yay! Someone to talk to and bother. I dove for the phone.
“Mr. or Mrs. Chromey?”
*click*
Rats! Anybody I’d actually want to talk to know that there is no mr. chromey living in my apartment.
Two seconds later the phone rang again. Hmmm. . .
“Hey, I just called and I think you hung up on me,” said the most charming male southern accent.
“Uh, Sorry.”
“So, you wanna go to Branson?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I just have no desire to go to Missouri.”
“Ok, how about Florida?”
“No.”
“C’mon everyone wants to go to Florida.”
“I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s hot and humid and walking around in an armpit doesn’t interest me.”
“How about Vegas? You and up to five friends can go to Vegas for $99 each.”
“I don’t wanna go to Vegas right now.”
“Did I say you had to go right now?”
“No.”
“You got a husband?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want one yet.”
“We gotta get you a hubby. You can get one in Vegas.”
“I don’t want to get a hubby in Vegas.”
“How about Daytona Beach?”
“That’s Florida.”
“Yes, armpits. Listen Jodi, I am 18 and in the army. I’m probably gonna go off to war soon and I still gotta do my job.”
“I understand.”
“So how about Vegas?”
“I am not going to Vegas anytime soon.”
“I didn’t say you had to go anytime soon. You can go anytime in the next year.”
“What if I don’t want to go in the next year?”
“You can buy a vacation tonight and you can go anytime between now and September 2003.”
“I am not going to pay for a vacation I may or may not take.”
“It’s transferable. . .”
“I am definitely not going to pay for someone else’s vacation.”
“Wanna go on a cruise for $99?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I live in Minnesota we have 10,000 lakes, I don’t need to go somewhere to ride a boat on the water.”
“You know how much a cruise is?”
“No.”
“$1500.”
“So?”
“Everyone wants to go on a cruise!”
“Not me.”
“Why not?”
“Because in ‘A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again’ David Foster Wallace said they were pretty lame.”
“Ok Jodi, you’re a tough cookie. You have a good night.”
“You too!”
*click*
Virginia comes to my desk daily to check out the word of the day. Mostly we know the words, they aren’t always that spectacular. Yesterday’s word was caucus.
“Caucus? I know that one,” Virginia said.
“Yeah, it’s a word of unknown origin. It seems John Adams was the first to use it. It might be an old Indian word for a gathering of elders,” I Cliff Clavened.
“Why don’t you use your powers for good,” Ella asked.
If only I could harness all the brain power wasted on useless trivia, I could take over the world.
this is why if i were a comic strip character, i'd marry the Norm.