25.7.01

time for another update kiddos! but... you've waited this long. you'll wait a little longer. muahahahahahahaha
i seriously did have some material ready for this thing, but has mysteriously disappeared. i'll have to try and figure out where i left it later. but, i do have a special treat for you to enjoy in the meantime...

VIEWER MAIL!!

25.7.01

900 elves and santa claus smokin hydroponic.
high as fuck, the bitches drunk, the guys all went to sonic.
halfway there, a circus bear was chewin on some shrooms,
ya don’t believe this lie is true? Ask that man! He saw it too!
santa paid the bear a sum and walked into the alley
to get a special favor off the circus bear from cali.
when he came back, his swollen sack was bulgin out his pants,
out came john travolta screamin, “run! here come the ants!”
the elves all laughed at johnny’s little paranoid delusion.
they laughed so hard one elf sustained a really bad contusion.
with santa’a stomach growlin, they continued on their journey,
“if I don’t get some food real soon, I’m gonna need a gurney!”
the elves began to mobilize and plan for this disaster,
cause an elf might have to lose his life if they don’t get there faster.
put the pedal to the metal! burn the rubber off the tires!
“if santa dies,” the elves all cried, “we’re gonna be retired!”
they finally got to sonic, only moments left to spare.
they searched their stash and found no cash cause santa spent it on the bear!
santa got his A-K, started shootin up the store.
the sonic man got scared, crawled out and puked there on the floor!
santa took the chance and started cookin up his food.
16 chocolate burgers, jumbo fries and mountain dew.
the moral of this story isn’t really hard to find.
if you’re gonna fuck with santa, don’t fuck with his lunchtime.

15.7.01

don't mind the sign... seriously. its perfectly legal to grow, sell, possess, and use marijuana, and all other psychoactive drugs for that matter, in thailand.

today, i finally fixed the intonation problem i was having with a guitar i got almost 2 years ago. turns out, bad intonation was only one part of a much bigger problem that i haven't completely solved yet. but i will...oh yes, i will. the neck was warped pretty bad. kinda looks like some retard tightened up the strings hardcore while it was hanging in the store for God only knows how long. i managed to straighten it out a good deal by adjusting the truss rod, but its still fucked up. the only difference now, is that its more or less playable, whereas, before today, it was not at all playable.
before you write me, and call me an idiot for buying a fucked up guitar, you should know that the guitar was a gift from someone who knows absolutely nothing about guitars except that some are pretty, and that i like them. you can write me and call me lazy if ya want though. i really should have gotten off my ass and fixed this guitar a long time ago, or bought a new one... like maybe.... one of those badass BCRich neon green clear bad boys that play like a dream and weigh a ton!
mwahahahahahahahahaha

and now, dipshits and fuckups, i am proud to present to you a very special event. an extremely rare slab69.com SPECIAL EVENT!

don't have time to read the whole special feature? check out the highlights below!

yeah! the only thing more interesting than the special feature highlights, is the full, almost unedited text. enjoy! i'll leave you with 2 bonus highlights to put a smile on your face and a feeling of ecstacy not felt since you were born! (note: ecstacy is not a typical user result.)

12.7.01

who's the man who stole fire for the people?
who causes trembling in the bones of evil?
who carved a mountain into a cathedral?
I AM IMMORTAL
half-blind and spitting straight into the wind,
down, down, trying to drag me down.
it's all right, i go to dreaming.
it's all right, i go to dreaming.
in dog years...
the blood of lions,
i, liquifying.
i ain't dying.

I AM IMMORTAL

- clutch

i saw a homeless man selling newspapers on the corner this morning. he had a sign propped up next to his stack of merchandise. it didn't say, 'God Bless' or, 'Vietnam Vet' or, '3 kids/single mother/god bless' or even, 'can't lie/need beer/please help'. his sign read, 'down, but not out.' i like that. i wanted to give that man a cigarette, but the light turned green first. i've never met a bum in the city of houston who expressed any interest at all in getting off the streets and out of my wallet. the only other good experience i had with a bum is when the bustarhymes lookin dood gave me a dollar when i asked for it. actually, i'm halfway convinced that 30-40% of the houston area bums are making decent money, and actually as well as or better than i am. there was a news story on fox here last year. a reporter staked out one suspicious bum and actually followed him back to harass him next to his lexus landcruiser. THE BUM'S OWN FUCKING LANDCRUISER!!!! its not always easy to keep charity and goodwill in mind when you see shit like that. my friend lived with two jobless fuckers in california. somehow, they managed to go out partying every night and surfing everyday, without jobs, and still make rent every month. later on, my friend learned that his roommates had adopted a corner for rush-hour panhandling.
kinda makes you wonder why you're a slave to the corporation that furnished you with this nifty webcapable computer, doesn't it?

6.7.01

viewer mail!

what follows is actual viewer mail submitted to me for real communicative purposes.

yeah, its from the same person cause you dipshits never write me! could be cause i never post, but i digress.... its time for me to cruise once again. hope you're all still alive after the weekend is over.... (unless you're really really sick and want to die, then um, i hope you aren't so alive when the weekend closes)

5.7.01

ok, by now, you've had time to check out the drawing that i showed you earlier in the week. i've takent the liberty of pointing a couple of things in the art for you that you may have never figured out without me.
here is a fish and a horse hidden in the violent pencil strokes.
here is a completely accidental but remarkable illustration of the evolution of man.
and here i've outlined the hand of God in red, and i highlighted another, less obvious surprise in green.
and now, a special note from the ourteeste

posted by slab69 5:10:06 PM post your comments? here

3.7.01

newsflash

well kiddos, i told you a few months ago, that i was gonna be famous soon. this process didn't slow down while i neglected this site for the last 6 months. actually, it probably has regressed. i recieved a complaint letter in the mail today. its pretty funny. i guess the guy thats sending these things out doesn't think that some of us actually read other sites. fuckin retard.

2.7.01

if you haven't done so already, go and visit the green fairy.
posted by slab69 12:37:34 PM post your comments? here

1.7.01

well, i fucked up the post for today kids. sorry bout that. it happens sometimes. sometimes, i'll take the time to redo it right away, but this isn't one of those times. i haven't slept in 3 days, so i'm gonna go home and take a short nap.
FYI - the tomb raider movie sux ass. i'll tell ya more about it tomorrow. in the meantime, take a gander at this lovely art. it was the main subject of today's post, but i'm tired, so i'll have to give you the lowdown in tomorrow's (well, probably tomorrow) post.

ok, i'm goin to sleep now. why don't you think about all this hard work i've been puttin out for you kids, and try to be a little appreciative. thats right, baby...send me some titties!
also, the tshirts have been updated, and they actually look good now. you won't be embarrassed drivin round the hood sportin these duds. so act now, and support a retard by purchasing one of these high quality donnings.

fight the power! keep it real! ......um, yeah.
posted by slab69 1:30:34 PM post your comments? here

25.7.01

VIEWER MAIL!!

25.7.01

15.7.01

BITCH! YOU MUST BE...

12.7.01

I AM IMMORTAL

- clutch

6.7.01

viewer mail!

5.7.01

3.7.01

newsflash

2.7.01

1.7.01