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No Johnny, that isn't supposed to fit there...
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Monday, September 17, 2001
There's something wrong with the world today
I don't know what it is
Something's wrong with our eyes
Seeing things in a different way
And God knows it ain't his
And it sure ain't no surprise
We're livin on the edge
living on the edge
living on the edge
There's something wrong with the world today
The light bulb's getting thin
There's meltdown in the skies
If you can judge a wise man
By the color of his skin
Then this day you're a better man than I
We're living on the edge
...You can't help yourself from falling
We're living on the edge
...You can't help yourself at all
We're living on the edge
...You can't stop yourself from falling
Tell me what you think about your situation
Complications aggravations getting to you
If chicken little tells you that the sky is falling
even if it wasn't would you still come crawling
back again
I bet you would, my friend
again, and again, and agaaain
Tell me what you think about your situation
Complication, aggravation is getting to you
If chicken little tells you that the sky is falling
Even if it wasn't, would you still come crawling
Back again, I bet you would, my friend...
again, and again, and again...
There's something right with the world today
And everybodyknows it's wrong
Well we can tell 'em no
or we can let it go
But I'd rather be a'hanging on
We're living on the edge
...You can't help yourself from falling
We're living on the edge
...You can't help yourself at all
We're living on the edge
...You can't stop yourself from falling
Living on the edge
Living on the edge...
Living on the edge...
posted by colleen shaver 11:56 PM
Sunday, September 16, 2001
Hey-- WARNING to everyone--
my computer had a virus, so make sure you that if you received any strange emails from me with any files with a ".vbs" at the end, you delete it...
As well.. if you went to my website between last night and about 8pm tonight, do me a favor and double check your drive for viruses (cause it affected some of the files on my webpage).. you should be fine.. but i'm just nervous :(
thanks
colleen
posted by colleen shaver 7:44 PM
Friday, September 14, 2001
Did you ever feel the pain
that He felt upon the cross?
Did you ever feel the knife
tearing flesh that's all so soft?
Did you ever touch the night?
Do you ever count the cost?
Do you hide away the fear?
Put down paradise as lost?
Yeah, you're blinded by rainbows
Watching the wind blow
Blinded by rainbows
Do you dream at night?
Do you sleep at night?
I doubt it
Did you ever feel the blast
as a ...bomb goes off?
Do you ever hear the screams
as the limbs are all torn off?
Did you ever kiss the child
who just saw his father shot?
Do you ever shed a tear
as the war drags on and on?
Do you ever touch the night
or is it just another job?
Do you fear the final hours?
Put down paradise as lost?
Yeah, your blinded by rainbows
and faces in windows
Blinded by rainbows
Do you dream at night?
Do you sleep at night?
I doubt it.
Do you ever fear the night?
Could it be the war is lost?
Do you fear the final hour?
Do you kneel before the cross?
You're blinded by rainbows
their watching the wind blow
Blinded by rainbows
Do you dream at night?
Do you scream at night?
Do you smell the fear?
Let your conscience clear?
Are you caked in sweat?
Are your clothes all wet?
Do you see the light?
Is the end in sight?
See the face of Christ?
Enter paradise?
I doubt it.
-------------------------------------
Blinded by Rainbows - Rolling Stones
posted by colleen shaver 11:51 PM
god bless everyone.
Go outside tonight and light a candle at 7pm. We can all vigil together.
Today is the day of National Prayer and Rememberance.
Let's remember with great pride, love, and respect everyone who died innocently, died trying to save the innocent, is still alive in this mess, and those desperately working to save them. They are heroes.
Thank you.
posted by colleen shaver 1:25 AM
Thursday, September 13, 2001
In Flander's Field, the poppys blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place
And the sky, the larks still bravely singing fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below
We are the dead
Short days ago we lived, felt dawn
Felt sunset glow
Loved
and were loved
And now we lie in Flander's Fields
Take up our quarrel with the foe
To you, from failing hands
We throw the torch
Be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep
Though poppys grow
In Flander's Field
---------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
In Flander's Field - John McDermott
posted by colleen shaver 1:15 PM
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
.
posted by colleen shaver 6:51 PM
"Young people can be the catalyst for starting the effort to redefine what's important in America."-Andrew Shue
"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."-American Proverb
"As the places where Americans dwell become evermore depressing and impossible, Disneyworld is where they escape to worship the nation in the abstract, a cartoon capital of a cartoon republic enshrining the falsehoods, half-truths, and delusions that prop up the squishy thing the national character has become--for instance, that we are a nation of families; that we care about our fellow citizens; that history matters; that there is a place called home."-James Howard Kunstler
"This is a day that will live in infamy..." -FDR
----------
On days like today I have to wonder if God exists.. but needless of that, for those who believe, I pray for them. For those who died innocently, may God take you straight into heaven and your friends and family into the palm of his hand.
And against every religious ideal I know- For everyone responsible, was aware of the actions to be taken, or supports them even slightly.. may this terror and destruction come 'round to you ten-fold.
And may you go straight to hell when it does.
--------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Proud to be an American - Lee Greenwood
God Bless America - anyone
We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister
posted by colleen shaver 6:48 PM
Sunday, September 09, 2001
We won RiverRage :)
...and only 1 second short of kicking some butt even better!
But it was an awesome final... best two out of three...
first match: tied, opponents win by time tie-breaker for clocking out 6 seconds before us
second match: tied, we win by clocking out 3 seconds before they did
third match: opponents get 11 small balls.. we get twelve... and we clock out at 1:00.. if we have clocked at 1:01 we would have got even more of a multiplier, instead of only winning by 8 points, but all is well.
It was an awesome way to end the competition, without a doubt. For the first time in 'Diabolical Dynamics' competition I think the whole crowd was actually into a final.. it was the closest one I've ever seen.
And oh yeah, we also had the first "under 30-second" clock out I've ever seen. When the alliance in the semi's only score 25 points.. our 3 robots simply jetted to the endzone and clocked out. 3x multiplier.. 3 robots in the zone makes 30pts for a total of 90. :)
They were some good times :P
-----------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Sheep Go To Heaven (GOATS go to hell) - Cake
(I've Had) The Time of My Life - Dirty Dancing
Around the World - Daft Punk
posted by colleen shaver 12:48 PM
Saturday, September 08, 2001
So I've just been chilling today. Don't think I passed my calc goal today, but that is ok. I will deal with it later :)
Jim and Amy came to visit and they rock and I love them!!! :)
Heading to RiverRage tomorrow- I'll write some more tomorrow night.. just enjoying a relaxing weekend!
:)
-----------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Choose to Believe - Brian Perry
Changes in Latitudes - Jimmy Buffett
Rainbow Connection - Me First and the Gimme Gimmies
posted by colleen shaver 12:54 AM
Thursday, September 06, 2001
Don't Say Goodbye, Say Goodnight
by Binocular
-----------------
I lie awake and feel your nearness
I never wanted more than this
I don't wanna run beneath your tears
I don't wanna catch them when they're falling
But it's the same old song
Playing over and over
Now I lie upon my face
Though we try
I guess that's the way
It's supposed to be
Don't say goodbye, say goodnight
So it's not over
And if you try and answer why
It's just over, It's goodbye
I hope to see the dawn of daybreak
And the sun rise to cloudless skies
And now I've tried to see the truth
But I close my eyes
And you were there for me
And I was there for you
Don't say goodbye, say goodnight
So it's not over
But if you try and answer why
It's just over
It's goodbye
Now I lie upon my face
Though we try
I guess that's the way it's supposed to be
Don't say goodbye, say goodnight
So it's not over
And if you try
And answer why
Then it's just over
It's goodbye
It's goodbye
It's goodbye
It's goodbye
posted by colleen shaver 1:17 PM
Wednesday, September 05, 2001
Woohoo!
I'm in such a great mood! Sore from the extensive erging and walking today, but all is well!
Happy times. Good friends. Good things happening. I miss you all. If I had a car I'd drive everywhere to just stop in and say hi.. but I don't, so I can't.. but just know I wish I could!
Tomorrow looks as relaxing as the rest of the day.. getup early and workout.. class, little homework, little more class, essay for socio concepts and compartive analysis, some orchestra practice.. and then onto Friday!
Thursday nights are happy times. As are Wednesdays. I think I'll go downstairs and watch the movie w/ the roomies and Ben :)
later!!
--------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Forever Young - Rod Stewart
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
Don't Stop Believing - Journey
posted by colleen shaver 10:02 PM
TKE social last night.
I think my tongue will be blue forever :P
But all is well. It's beautiful out. It's time to have some fun, learn some, and enjoy life. yay for wednesdays!
I can't decide whether to make the blogger more "this is what I'm up to the last day or two" kinda thing, or less diary-ish and more just randomness posted when it comes up.
What's your vote? email/IM me and tell me :)
-------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Don't Say Goodbye, Say Goodnight - Binocular
Choose to Believe - Brian Perry
Blinded by Rainbows - Rolling Stones
posted by colleen shaver 12:05 PM
Monday, September 03, 2001
Life is good.
Yes, I can think of plenty of ways it good be better, plenty of things I wish I could have. Things back the old ways, misunderstandings I regret. But I've come to terms with the 'today-ness' of it all. I've done what I can and I used to try and fix everything, now I'm just trying to have a good time.
The sobering thought that I could go sleep some night and never wake up and stuff like that makes me understand that life's too short to worry about all the little things, the could-haves, would-haves, and how maybe I could have done things different. That it's time to forgive, forget, and have fun. But the realization that I likely won't die anyday soon controls me from doing anything *too* stupid.
So I love you all. You're great people. Have a wonderful time existing in whichever capacity you choose to do so. And if you are willing to let me along for the ride, I always have tickets to spare :)
----------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Another Perfect Day - American HiFi
Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
Great Escape - DMB & Guster
posted by colleen shaver 3:45 PM
Friday, August 31, 2001
Hey all!
Sorry I haven't updated this site recently, I've been very busy.
And I'm on my way to do security for the American HiFi concert here @ WPI tonight.
So yeah, that's it.. I promised to write more.. still gettting settled in w/ classes and everything!!
posted by colleen shaver 4:43 PM
Saturday, August 25, 2001
So here's the deal-
I'm moving back into school Sunday and I can't wait!! That's why I've been untalkative, trying to get everything ready, get some hours in at work, and spend some time chillin' with my buddies. :)
I had one of the top 3 scores in our goodCar vs badCar game last night. Of course me, Nato, and Kato won :). With, of course, the 3 highest scores. And to think, I usually suck!
So yeah, once I'm back in school I'm sure there will be more fun stories, random comments, fictional non-fiction, and other stuff to tell. But for now- it's Fuller25, folks. Never be afraid to visit. We don't bite. And I'm always happy to cook you dinner. :)
Lovin' it- later gators
-----------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Because I Was High - Afroman
Every Other Time - LFO
Everywhere - Michelle Branch
posted by colleen shaver 4:19 PM
Wednesday, August 22, 2001
Never expect a change in others that you are unwilling to expect from yourself.
posted by colleen shaver 11:01 PM
Monday, August 20, 2001
"Some times I thank God for unanswered prayers. Just remember when you're talking to the man upstairs, just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care. Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." - Garth Brooks
posted by colleen shaver 10:48 PM
Friday, August 17, 2001
Dream Big
--------------------------------------------
If there were ever a time to dare,
to make a difference,
to embark on something worth doing,
it is now.
Not for any grand cause, necessarily-
but for something that tugs at your heart,
something that's your aspiration,
something that's your dream.
You owe it to yourself
to make your days here count.
Have fun.
Dig Deep.
Stretch.
Dream big.
Know, though, that things worth doing
seldom come easy.
There will be good days.
There will be times when you want to turn around,
pack it up,
and call it quits.
those times tell you
that you are pushing yourself,
that you are not afraid to learn by trying.
Persist.
Because with an idea,
determination,
and the right tools,
you can do great things.
Let your instincts,
your intellect,
and your heart
guide you.
Trust.
Believe in the incredible power of the human mind.
Of doing something that makes a difference.
Of working hard.
Of laughing and hoping.
Of lazy afternoons.
Of lasting friends.
Of all the things that will cross your path this year.
The start of something new
brings the hope of something great.
Anything is possible.
There is only one you.
And you will pass this way only once.
Do it right.
--- Macintosh ad from 1991
posted by colleen shaver 12:10 PM
Wednesday, August 15, 2001
Whoa-- it's been a long bit since i posted!!
Don't count on me to let you know when
don't count on me, i'll do it again
don't count on me, this point you're missing
don't count on me, cause i'm not listening
i wrote a song about it.. i sing it with my boys called Sum41.. isn't it great?
i have to laugh at people's lack of understanding of very clear points. because when you use logic to try to convey the obvious incorrectness of there statements, they insist that the rationale, logical, and true reasoning resides in their feelings and reactions based on their current situation and mood. they remain oblivious to the obvious deductions to simplicity that can become of their statements.
Finally I figured out.. but it took a long long time..... there's been times, I'm so confused.. down my road, it leads to you.. just can't turn and walk away
I wrote a song about it.. i sing it with SIster Hazel. She's such a nice nun. I love her outfit too. Very retro.
-------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Aeroplane - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Baby Look at Us - Serina Paris
Chachi - Jimmy Eat World
posted by colleen shaver 11:15 PM
Sunday, August 12, 2001
"Have you ever seen The Never Ending Story? I think it might have actually been in the sequel but if you have, remember that thing called 'the nothing' that wanted to ruin everything and make the world entirely obsolete? I feel like I have one of those babies operating in my life, like there is something out there trying really hard to suck me dry and put an end to me, and I am trying really hard not to let this thing kill me but somehow I just can't break this funk and fight whatever it is that won't let me see things clearly or put stupid shit into perspective. I hope you are all thrilled with life and that you never have a 'nothing' that makes you love or wants to hurt you or make you feel like the majority of your days have been in pursuit of the nonexistent."
------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Dying to be Alive - NSync
Fat Lip - Sum41
Philosophy - Ben Folds Five
posted by colleen shaver 10:47 PM
Friday, August 10, 2001
stolen from shell's AIM info, that's all i know.. but i thought it was damn good :)
----------
been a lot between us
and i guess theres more to come
we've been doing something right
but sometimes it goes wrong
we've been through places
and we wont be back again
we've been through faces
but i guess that never ends
i dont know whats goin on
have we done something wrong
how come you saw right through my head
how come you saw inside my head
how come you know whats in my head
been a lot between us
and i guess theres more to come
we've been doing something right
but sometimes it goes wrong
we were never scared of light
but the shadows that it throws
are digging deep inside of us
and i think we're full of holes...
-------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
You - Binocular
Don't Change Your Plans for Me - Ben Folds Five
Rest Stop - Matchbox 20
posted by colleen shaver 4:17 PM
Wednesday, August 08, 2001
The story to match will come in a bit--
a little something about my favorite cousin in the world-- Amy! :)
-------------------------------------------------
Airline Amy - Wierd Al
Met this pretty young stewardess
on a non-stop flight
She showed me to my seat
and it was love at first sight
Now lately I've been flying
to all kinds of places I never really wanted to go
Cause I'll do anything just to spend a little time
With the cutest flight attendant I know
Whoa, you set my ever loving heart of fire
Airline Amy
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flyer
Airline Amy
Found a little piece of heaven
on a 747
No one else can take me higher
then Airline Amy
Everyone of our dates
is at 30,000 feet
she always point out the exits to me
she's so sweet
You know she gets me my head phones for free
Refills my coffee cup whenever I ask
And you gotta admit my baby looks real hot
When she's wearing that oxygen mask
You know you set my ever-loving heart on fire
Airline Amy
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flyer
Airline Amy
Found a little piece of heaven
on a 747
No one else can take me higher
than Airline Amy
Amy, darling, don't you know
you really drive me nuts
every time you're handing out
those honey-roasted peanuts
Airline Amy, this is my new mission
Gotta get you in an upright, locked position!!
You set my ever-loving heart on fire
Airline Amy
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flyer
Airline Amy
Found a little piece of heaven
on a 747
No one else can take me higher
then Airline Amy
You set my ever-loving heart on fire
Airline Amy
You're the only woman I desire
Airline Amy
Found a little piece of heaven
on a 747
No one else can take me higher than Airline Amy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Airline Amy - Wierd Al
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk
Changes vs. Man in the Mirror - Tupac & Michael Jackson
posted by colleen shaver 10:25 PM
Tuesday, August 07, 2001
Back to the funny semi-fictional stories :)
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Excuse me sir, have you seen Mark's butt?"
One day it was rather bland
Down the street in the plastic land.
There sat a girl with a mission
To what it was, there was no admissioin
To save face
we'll call her, hmm, Kate!
But it was soon found out
What her job was
It was to search and search
For Mark's butt.
She didn't understand
Why her boss would ask
for her to run around
and find someone's ass
Was it lost?
Was it taken?
Was it real a butt?
Or just a big slab of bacon?
But needless to say
It was her task to complete
And she couldn't leave it to be done
Later that week.
So she walked down the rows
Past the empires of six feet
And investigated what may have happened
Looking for a leak
She asked Carol,
"Have you seen a butt
without an owner?"
And Carol said, "WHAT?"
She continued on
and went up to Jen
"Have you seen a missing butt?"
She asked again.
No one knew or
wanted to talk
about this butt of Mark's
That is apparently lost.
After hours of searching
Dozens of holes peered in
She was just about ready
to give in.
And just then
Deb walked in
With a stack in her hand
and a grin.
"Here you go Kate
The papers you couldn't find
I didn't think it would be that hard a task
When this morning I had it in mind"
Kate sat there baffled
A little unsure
Cause she was positive
It wasn't papers she was searching for
But Deb continued talking
And Kate couldn't believe what she had to say
"Mark Butt dropped them off to me
Earlier in the day"
"I thought you could find him
without lots of trouble
But he waited all day for you
then delivered them to be on the double"
And Kate's face couldn't help
But turn bright red
At how she mustn't have heard right
What Deb had said.
"But.. but.. i thought"
stuttered Kate
"You know what Deb
It's me you're gonna hate!"
"I thought you said it was
"Mark's butt" I should find
And I went around all day
thinking I was out of my mind!"
Deb just laughed
as she strode out to her car
and yelled back to Kate
"You see how you are!?"
And there Kate sat
with her work in a stack
Laughing at the thought
of Mark Butt's ass.
--------------------------------------------------------
Quote of the time-being: "Put a llama in your life!"
--------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Happy - Five for Fighting
Tonight is the Night I Fell Asleep at the Wheel - BNL
Return of the Atari - eFunk
posted by colleen shaver 11:33 AM
Monday, August 06, 2001
She grabs her magazines
She packs her things and she goes
She leaves the pictures hanging on the walls
She burns all her notes
And she knows
She's been here to few years
To feel this old
He smokes his cigarette
He stays outside til it's gone
If anybody ever had a heart
Well, it wouldn't be alone
And he knows
He's been here too few years
To be gone
And we always say
It will be good to go away
Someday
Yeah but if there's nothing there to make things change
If it's the same for you
I'll just hang
Trouble understand, is she got reasons he don't
Funny how I couldn't see at all
Til she grabbed up her coat
And she goes
She's been here to few years
To take it all in stride
Yeah well still it's much to long
To let her go
And we always say
It'll be good to go away
Someday
But if there's nothing there to make things change
If it's the same for you
I'll just hang
Well, I always say
It will be good to go away
But if things don't work out like we think
And there's nothing there to ease this aching
There's nothing there to make things change
If it's the same to you
I'll just hang
------------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Hang
3am
Long Day
-Matchbox20
posted by colleen shaver 4:40 PM
Sunday, August 05, 2001
Yes - this is probably for you, maybe for me, maybe for no one.
Leave - Matchbox20
It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and you would lose it all
It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
And now I know I put us both through hell
And I'm not saying
There wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
And I'm not saying
We ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't want to let it get away from me
But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's stand when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out
It's aggravating
How you throw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turned around
How you needed time to sort it out
And I'm not saying
There wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
And I'm not saying we ever had the right to hold on
But I just didn't want to let it get away from me
But if that's how you're gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand then
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out
And I'm not saying
There was nothing wrong
Didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
But if that's how you're gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
We'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out
Well tell me
is that how it's gonna end
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Leave - Matchbox 20
Happy - Five for Fighting
Stronger - Britney Spears
posted by colleen shaver 5:49 PM
All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking
It's earlier morn
The taxi's waiting
He's blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never
Let me go
I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go.
There's so many times
I've let you down
So many times I've played around
But now you know they don't mean a thing
Every place I go I'll think of you
Every song I sing I sing for you
When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go.
I hate to go.
--------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Leavin' on a Jet Plane - Nsync or Peter, Paul and Mary
Blowin' in the Wind - Peter, Paul and Mary
Who I Am - Jessica Andrews
posted by colleen shaver 1:19 AM
Saturday, August 04, 2001
Point of order: Comment sections exist for a reason, if you have a comment.
End point.
posted by colleen shaver 3:31 PM
Friday, August 03, 2001
i gotta laugh at everyone who came here just to see if i wrote something about you.
all i have to say is.. stop saying you're sorry. sorry is only worth something if you think you did something wrong and don't think it's right. if you apologize before you do something, it's like admitting you know it's wrong but doing it anyway, and there isn't much character in that. and if you don't think it's wrong, don't say you're sorry, because you are not.
guilt is a self-inflicted wound that festers on it's own. only you can cause your pain and only you can choose to change it.
i'll do my thing. you do yours. that's just how it will be, that's all. it's all just a circle.. it will all, the good, the bad, the ok, the ugly, the semi-sweet, the addictive, come back to you eventually. oh well. *shrugs*
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
You're So Vain - Carly Simon
Dying to be Alive - NSync
Child's Play - Lucky Boys Confusion
posted by colleen shaver 8:51 PM
The return of the blogger is slowly beginning...
A somewhat 'serious' topic:
I think it is inevitable in life that people will have different opinions; most importantly, different opinions from us. Varying backgrounds, social status, experiences, etc, etc cause these variances of opinion. And we say, more often than not, that 'other peoples opinions don't matter' to us, but then we continually talk and bitch about their opinion and it blatent incorrectness in our world.
But very distinctly stated, it's our world, not theirs. Understand so, that everyone in this world cares about what other people think. Maybe some care about the general consensus of a population or small society while others really only care about the opinion of one person, but the projection of ourselves on others does matter to us. We can't get away from it because we strive most in our uniqueness to be accepted by everyone else.
In order to understand acceptance though, we have to understand that others don't live by the same rules we do; they don't live in our bubble and often don't care how the oxygen tastes inside it. Different standards, different rules, different goals define our opinions and the reasons we make them. We judge people in our court without a complete respect our understanding for the different laws they live under.
The point: You can never fully understand it until you've truly been there and done that. And you can't complain about what others think of you without accepting that they have a different perspective and you will never really see eye to eye. In their world, they are right; in your world, you are. The blinders are just as existent on you as they are on them. Read the book "Black Like Me" someday, and you can get my point. That you can look in the window and observe your whole life and never really get it until you're on the inside and living the other life in all regards. Knowledge is power.
And walking a mile in someone's shoes never hurt anyone. Plus, afterwards you're then a mile away and you have their shoes.
Care what other people think and care enough to understand why they think like that and respect it.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
That's Who I Am - Jessica Andrews
Some Fantastic - Barenaked Ladies
Back Then - Lucky Boys Confusion
posted by colleen shaver 12:51 AM
Monday, July 30, 2001
'cause in this life, it's hard to tell the scars from what is true.
posted by colleen shaver 12:17 AM
Sunday, July 29, 2001
stop, drop, and roll baby.. cause you're on fire!
posted by colleen shaver 4:44 PM
I think I miss my blogger.
posted by colleen shaver 12:22 AM
Friday, April 13, 2001
it's time to revert to the funniness postings...
soon.. soon.. for now.. i have something fun i wanna add!!
posted by colleen shaver 11:18 AM
Wednesday, April 11, 2001
*sigh sigh sigh*
I'd ask 'why me?' if I expected an answer..
Thought I deserved one..
Or had the right to ask the question..
But I don't really know anymore..
I'm just very sick of caring anymore... of trying.. I just want things back the way they were in the good ol' days.. in high school, sadly enough, people weren't so petty.. I could have multiple groups of friends without bitchiness from one or the other about it... i could answer the questions people asked without them getting mad.. i could have fun, joke around, and just be friends with my friends, like who i liked.. and have a good time..
But apparently those days are well gone.. what happened to good old fun... everyone gets so emotional.. and then I get so frickin' sick of trying to deal w/ it and being blamed for not doing this or that or why didn't you say this or no you're lying.. jesus.. i don't have the emotions to handle that... 2000 was supposed to be the sucky year... it was supposed to end in 2k1.. someone's not listening to the gods and it's really starting to piss me off..
but *sigh* why keep swimming in the sea just so someone can reel you in, use you, abuse you, than through you back.. just to reel you in again when they feel like it..
This is not a sport.
I am not your game.
Hunting season is not open.
posted by colleen shaver 12:55 AM
Tuesday, March 27, 2001
Sometimes it's rough when people assume without looking at the whole situation
Or don't realize other's have been looking at the big picture, but they are so sick of staring at nothingness that they just give up....
It's all relative truthfully.. and sometime's it's not over themselves but out from under the mass of shit they are buried into breathing space and broad daylight...
Maybe, just maybe, they've got it piled a little higher.. maybe their trying to help break down the wall that's it your way and in the process they are getting covered with your bricks.. and you don't even know it.. so you just throw the bricks in that pile you see forming..
And you don't even noticed the person who had been trying to help you is now buried underneath...
But maybe it's all a crock..
Maybe it's all just crap, everyone's just babies, and they need to grow up..
Who knows.. i've been wrong before...
=================================
"What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say."-Ralph Waldo Emerson
=================================
Song(s) to d/l:
Bjork - Sensuality (techno remix)
B.G. - Bling, Bling
Inside Out - Eve 6
posted by colleen shaver 1:00 AM
Monday, March 26, 2001
"This is what courage is. It's not just living through the nightmare, it's doing something with it afterward. It's being brave enough to talk about it to other people. It's trying to organize to change things."-Leslie Feinberg, Stone Butch Blues
-------------------------------------------------------------
I can't say I've ever felt this way before, that I understand completely what's going on. Maybe it's just a miscomprehension of the people or situations.. and because my interpretations lead me to believe I'd never be there. Maybe that's it the reason I can't say "i know what you're going through" but to some extent.. we can all know.
Sometimes in life, what's too good to be true is just that. No matter how much you think you want something, how good it seems, it has it's catch.. sometimes it shows up right away.. and you can suspect it from the start and prepare of the events to come. maybe even tango with the inevitable.
Other times, it hits you like a brick wall. Suddenly you see all this time and effort put into something totally negated by someone's lackthereof.. someone that you once thought cared about it but doesn't really anymore... they are in it for the good times and the things that come along with it.. but at the first sign of trouble.. of an easy road... whatever.. they are not around and not the ones to blame..
So it makes you wonder, why should I put in all this effort? Why should I work day in and day out for this person to control the destiny.. for this person to come out on top.. if the inevitable is inevitable.. why should I work when I know it won't change the outcome..
But then again they say, 'it's not the end to the journey towards, it's the journey that matters, in the end'... so is it worth it all for that rough road of good times and bad... is it even worth if you question the road at all... when more often you're saying "stop the world, I want to get off" than pumping quarters into the red corvette in front of Wal-mart...
I wish I had some good advice.. but then I'd be a hypocrite...
===================================
"We're all stuck in the gutter. It's just that some of us look at the stars."
===================================
Song(s) to d/l:
Fire and Rain - James Taylor
I'm Alright - Jars of Clay
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad - Meatloaf
posted by colleen shaver 2:09 AM
Wednesday, March 21, 2001
so i've been slacking.. sue me :P
posted by colleen shaver 1:26 PM
Saturday, March 17, 2001
(repeated from Jan23 w/ good reason)
Sometimes I just don't know why things are the way they are
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one to blame for it
After all... you don't talk much
Well no, you talk a lot
But what did they say in Hamlet... something like
Words without thought will never to heaven go
You know.. that whole iambic-pentamerish philosophical wonder
You're yelling so loud for something
But what
It's like your waiting for me to say the right thing
and I don't even know it's my turn to speak
It's like your waiting for me
but just when I begin
you leave
and stop
and go
and go
and go
I come
you go
After waiting so long
for me to realize that it's one foot
in front of
the other
It like one large circle
and saying take a left
right after the vertex
I'm not quite sure what you mean
Your ramblings, your calls, your panics
Your love...
Your hate...
Your complete indecisiveness
I know it's
just not about what i want
but I at least want to know what's going on
sometimes
So what is it you want...
give me a hint
I want you to understand
the difference between
tangible and transparent
understandable and ridiculous
That it's hard to react
to a situation you don't even know you're in
Sometimes I wish I could just turn back time
To when I could've just changed things
Moves made
C6 instead
of letting you snatch the queen
while the pawn's guard was down
Now I'm stuck in this corner
tossing and turning between black and white spaces
in a supposed techni-color world
You got me
I lost this little game
Now let me in on the rules
so we can start playing fair
Checkmate
----------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
I'm Movin' On - Rascal Flatts
I Will Survive - Cake
Falling Down - Vertical Horizon
posted by colleen shaver 12:02 PM
Friday, March 16, 2001
you can take me away from my sorrow
but you can't take away my scars
i stand in the middle of the highway
playing chicken with the cars
it's nothing destructive I
just want to feel your pain
if there was anyway i could have known
i would trip and fall away from you
if there was anything i could have done
to stay in love with you... with you..
wish i could say to you what you are to me
but i know iot would make you sad
you are too good to be my lover
but you've been the greatest dad i ever had
you made life so lovely I
just had to mess it up
if there was anyway i could have known
i would trip and fall from your grace
if there was anything i could have done
to stay in love with you
if i knew i'd do it twice
just to make sure that i did it right
if there was anyway i could have known
i would always need to be alone
if there was anything i could have done
to stay in love you with you
i'd be in love with you.. with you..
---------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Anyway - Fisher
Lines Upon Your Face - Vertical Horizon
Liberty - Vertical Horizon
posted by colleen shaver 11:28 AM
Collapsing was much softer
Still falling always hurts
Only after sensing your love
For always ever burned
You justified my folly
My affluent disguise
Removed revealing nothing
Yet nothing unforgiven lies
Unforgiven lies
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do
To touch the rose unfearful
Is to meet the thorn
And pierce the heart's emotion
And feel the emptiness no more
Emptiness no more
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do
Took some time to realize I've fallen
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do
---------
i only wish
so you wanna be a rock superstar and live large...
but what does that do for ya?
--------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
No One Loves Me Like You - Jars of Clay
Rock Superstar - Cypress Hill
You Light Up My Life - Leann Rimes (or other various artists)
posted by colleen shaver 12:10 AM
Sunday, March 11, 2001
Ahhhhhhhhhh...
The sigh of relief...
Gold medal from the FIRST 2001 LongIsland Regional is sitting on my desk.. the Motorola Quality Award trophy is resting in the shop with the SpiderGoat..
And I guess I'm still really in shock....
Or I guess I never won...
I feel the same as when we won the regional in '99.. when we went in and we playing... I never once felt nervous.. and even as we lost the first match of 2-out-of-3 then, the higher stakes brought better driving.. and it wasn't until after the fact that it even occured to me how insanely calm I was..
Same here.. I was slightly nervous going in.. I knew we could do it.. But we had unreliable execution by many teams over the previous matches... We went out on the field.. we played both the elims out to the max.. and we won...
And I never realized 'til now that as alliance coach of the picking team, all eyes ears and robots turned to me every match for strategy and what to do... and it never occured to me that if I gave out a bad strategy that could lose it all for the team... just like one wrong move on the sticks can cost you a medal.. so can one bad strategy call... I'm more nervous now than at any point during the whole competition :):) but that is looking back..
and we are looking forward...
Nationals are to come... but until then.. I have to get prepared for D-term... Looking to improve or equal c-term (2 A's and a B)...
Check ya on the flipside
posted by colleen shaver 12:40 AM
Tuesday, March 06, 2001
Stupidity killed the cat.
posted by colleen shaver 8:59 AM
Sunday, March 04, 2001
Time for me now to babble in my blogger...
So this week went decently well.. 3rd place isn't too shabby... I learned I have a higher tolerance then expected with stupidity people in close-knit and pressured situations...
Just in a kind of mellow mood.. lots of things going on in my head these days.. trying to make them all into some reasonable... i can't decide whether to just sleep on forever tomorrow and let the snow block me in.. or to actually try to get up and accomplish some things...
We'll see I suppose.. :)
------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan
Bling, Bling - B.G.
My Own Prison - Creed
posted by colleen shaver 11:57 PM
Wednesday, February 28, 2001
So after the hell of later today (quiz about which i know nothing @ 10am.. start work on group project @ 10:30.. work on that til lab starts @ 2pm.. continue working this in lab... if it's not done, continue work til 4.. at which time partners go to finals.. I go to FIRST meeting and calc studying.. then calc exam @ 6... praying the group project is done cause I HAVE to go home for some things... then well, laundry.. finishing making playbook... getting a hampster.. and oh yeah, sleep cause i'm leaving at 6:30am for regionals on Thursday...)...
So yeah.. what was i saying.. I'll be at FIRST competitions all this weekend.. hopefully with a little time to spare for fun and relaxation in between... it will be major ackwardness to not stay at the competitions but heck.. i'll learn to deal..
I love you. Don't ever change. Unless you start sucking. Then I give you permission to change.
-------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Let's Go Crazy - Prince
Rape Me - Nirvana
Unforgetful You - Jars of Clay
posted by colleen shaver 1:42 AM
Tuesday, February 27, 2001
Funny horoscopes from theonion.com
Aries: (March 21--April 19)
You will be surprised to learn that even refrigerators can burn if they manage to get hot enough.
Taurus: (April. 20--May 20)
You've always thought the difference between you and other people was your uncommon empathy, but it turns out it's the tentacles.
Gemini: (May 21--June 21)
Your insistence on wearing a helmet every time you ride your bike turns out to be smart in light of your wishes for an open-casket funeral.
Cancer: (June 22--July 22)
You knew that the veins in the human body, stretched end-to-end, would reach from L.A. to Tokyo, but it's still impressive to see it firsthand.
Leo: (July 23--Aug. 22)
You will learn from bitter experience that it's not a good idea to ask certain people how they're doing.
Virgo: (Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
You will have your name immortalized for future generations on a fancy plaque after perishing in next Sunday's O'Hare Airport disaster.
Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23)
Though New York still refuses to award you the keys to the city, the citizens of Cleveland have seen fit to tell you their locker combination.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21)
You have blossomed following a period of unprecedented spiritual and emotional growth. Now, however, it is time for a lot of injudicious pruning.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22--Dec. 21)
You've listened to it over and over, but you still fail to see how Frampton is supposed to "come alive."
Capricorn: (Dec. 22--Jan. 19)
Your irrational fear of doctors will finally disappear this week and be replaced by a very rational, justified fear of them.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20--Feb. 18)
You will wish you had heeded your mother's warnings concerning pickle consumption when you suddenly turn into one of the briny cucumbers.
Pisces: (Feb. 19--March 20)
You're beginning to think that, though it seemed satisfying at the time, perhaps voting for Nader was not the most politically astute thing you've done.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Gloria - Laura Branigan
Your Song - Elton John
Famous - Vertical Horizon
posted by colleen shaver 9:44 PM
Monday, February 26, 2001
You don't how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your veins
Like a fish in the sea
I'm singin.... follow me everything is all right
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find no body else like me..
I'm not worried about the ring you wear
Cause as long no one knows
Than no body can care
You're feeling guilty and I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed and baby..
I'm not scared...
I'm singin.... follow me everything is all right
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find no body else like me..
Won't give you money
Can't give you the sky
You're better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason you go astray
And we'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay
Follow me everything is all right
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find no body else like me..
Don't know how you met me
You don't know why
you can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is that when I'm with you..
I make you free
And swim through your veins
Like a fish in the sea..
I'm singin.... follow me everything is all right
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find no body else like me..
Follow me... everything is all right... I'll be the one to tuck you in at night.. and if you want to leave I can guarantee you won't find nobody else like me...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Follow Me - Uncle Kracker (as seen above)
Next Year - Foo Fighters
Good Enough - Three Orange Whips
posted by colleen shaver 1:08 AM
Sunday, February 25, 2001
I know... I forgot my weekly story update...
Soon enough.. I was too busy occupying all my free time :-P
posted by colleen shaver 2:30 AM
Thursday, February 22, 2001
Fitting of a lot of things/people right now:
"I'm at a stage in my life where I'm having a hard time caring about things. Fortunately, I don't care." --Jack Kolber
posted by colleen shaver 6:30 PM
Ignorance is not bliss when it's only make believe. Sometimes you just have to suck up the fake denial and admit to the truth. Yes it hurts. But it doesn't match the pain you put others through; you can handle it.
Admit the world doesn't revolve around you. Admit that you don't have it quite as hard as you would like to believe. Admit that hell, someone could be right even if it's not the most promising things about you they are saying. Admit that you're the one that has to change because they've picked up the slack long enough.
Don't get mad, make yourself even.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
She's Got Issues - Offspring
Famous Last Words - Jars of Clay
Life's a Lemon - Meatloaf
posted by colleen shaver 12:11 PM
Monday, February 19, 2001
T minus something in counting..
it is 3:30ish AM on Monday.. just got back from tending to the SpiderGoat... and ahhh.. the glorious moment that the clock strikes 5 on Tuesday.. then all us folks that have been down there everynight working our butts off for the team (at least in my case, trying to :-) can sigh in relief... that's of course after prolly never going to sleep until tuesday at 5... :):)
and then.. wow... i may have my life back for a little bit... :-P
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT!
Sheep Go to Heaven - Cake
Who Needs Sleep - Barenaked Ladies
posted by colleen shaver 3:03 AM
Saturday, February 17, 2001
on comes Chapter 2 in the weekly saga of funniness and futility... my goal since the robot ships tues at 5pm is to start updating daily once again.. with the saturday installments of these random bits of psuedo-fiction
if you ever find one about yourself.. don't take offense.. it's all in good fun :):) you can feel free to write stories of me too :-P
fyi on the robot.. that puppy looks sweet.. it's 5lbs overweight.. but it's all good.. we can get that off... the SpiderGoat will ride ;-)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
This week's story-ish
My Friend Kate is a Hand Holding Whore
I have this friend
Her name is Kate
She has no boys
that she dates
but whenever she sees one
she thinks is a stud
she grabs onto their hand
as if she's a glove
sometimes they care
and sometimes they don't
but once she's got you,
let go she won't
she isn't a slut
she's rather pure
it just seems to be
she's a hand holding whore
in bowling alleys
she doesn't want the balls
points don't matter
not one bit, at all...
just get a cute boy
within arms reach
and Kate has her strike
for the rest of the week
Sweaty palms
are just no match
For a girl with a plan
and a strong grip attached
then in his woodchuck
after the fact
the boys always say
it was her solo act
but according to her
they squeezed back
so still to this day
it remains to be seem
how Kate can be good
and bad on the scene
such a nice girl
with a somewhat awkward way
that into a boy's
her hands seem to sway
so the saga of the whore
forever lengthens
just watch out
you may be the next victim
------------------------------------------------------
Kato knows I love her! And she was always begging me to write about it...
Next week stay tuned for a little story about "Airline Amy"
Song(s) to d/l:
Just a Girl - No Doubt
I Touch Myself - (don't know who sings)
She's Got A Way - Billy Joel
posted by colleen shaver 2:11 AM
Saturday, February 10, 2001
I needed a serious post (see below) cause it's been a while... now onto the funny.. cause funny is better and better is gooder than worse...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Once upon a time there was a pie. Not just any pie... an apple pie. This apple pie's name was Fred.
Fred was a happy pie all the way from the start. He loved his dough to be kneaded and even moreso, the wonderful encasement of the warm apples on his dough. The baker had the perfect touch, patting Fred to perfection and sliding him into the nice warm oven. Fred would become warm and toasty all over and his dough and the apples would get very hot.
The baker, who's name was Jim, was very proud of Fred. He had felt that Fred was simply the best there had ever been. No cream puff could ever touch what Fred. Jim became so attached that no one else could touch Fred either. He kept Fred in protective covering, taking him out only to admire and touch his work of art. It was like an extension of himself.
For long before that, Jim had felt he was lacking something in his life. All day long he walked around playing with his magic wand. He never wanted to let go of it.. it even doubled as an easy grip handle. The emptyness Jim felt in his life was somewhat filled the feel of the magic wand in his hand. He could joke with it, stroke it, swing it around, or just hold it and it didn't complain. It loved Jim's touch, and as long as it had that, they both seemed to have everything.
The more looks Jim got from passers-by, the more Jim questioned his relationship with his magic wand and wondered if that's not what should be filling his time. Business to his bakery had drastically dropped. He decided maybe he needed a Princess to hold his magic wand for a while. He searched and searched and searched and couldn't find the right one (or one at all for that matter). He decided he'd settle for anything. And one day he found just anything. After a while, Jim decided to trust his new Princess with his precious magic wand. At first things seemed ok. Then his magic wand began to be droopy and sad whenever the Princess got her hands on it. Jim realized he never really could find some to replace the relationship that he and his magic wand had had for so many years.
Such ended Jim's search for a Princess. His magic wand became perky once again and his love for it continue as usual. And despite the lack of customers, Jim continue his work at the bakery... still feeling the void in his life but slightly hopeless that nothing could ever fill it.
So he woke up on morning, magic wand in hand, feeling that that day would be different. Maybe this was the epiphany. Maybe it was the end of the world. Maybe it was indigestion. In any case, he felt refreshed and ready to face the world.
He arrived at work and began making his pie. It started out innocently but grew and grew in his hands. This was something great. Bigger than anything he had ever experienced. In his very hands this apple pie began to form into a work of art. It was then in there Fred was created unto this world.
As Fred matured into the pie he is now, Jim drew ever more confident that this was what he was missing all along. Fred was with whom is magic wand belonged. They were a perfect fit. The warm, juicy apple pie and Jim's magic wand fit like hand and glove.
And Jim, his magic wand, and Fred lived as happily ever after as a Baker, his wand, and the Prince he never thought he'd find could...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for more wacky stories that are a little mix of truth, fiction, and sheer stupidity..
...Next time... My friend Kate is a hand-holding whore...
Song(s) to d/l:
Tonight is the Night I Feel Asleep at the Wheel - Barenaked Ladies
You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate
It's All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion
posted by colleen shaver 3:08 AM
Someone once told me "everyone is put on this planet to do something... some of them are here to teach you tolerance..." He always said it.. I always believed it.
It still rings very true.
But more than that, I have always believed that there is something stronger controlling our destinys, controlling what we are meant to do. It's those times in your life when you just don't know why you turned around, called someone, did something at just a certain that was most important. It's like some supernatural force drives you to do it. You don't question it. You don't doubt it (at least at the time). You just do it. It's somewhat awestriking... somewhat humbling... too often, disheartening.
In respect to other people, I think that everyone that passes through our lives does so for a reason... if not to teach us something about ourselves, to lead us out of the dark.. into the dark... or back again. And as much as all those people in our lives are meant to be there for us... we have that job with other people...
And that's what makes it hard. When you wonder if you should let go and something bigger keeps you holding on. When something won't let you move on... when something won't let you be pushed away no matter how incredibly hard someone tries.
And with the heartache it puts you through... I can't help but wonder who is being taught the lesson.. me or them. Maybe both.. maybe neither...
Maybe I'm wrong. But I hope I'm right... cause if not I fear my life has been futile.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
I'm Alright - Jars of Clay
No Rain - Blind Melon
Losing My Religion - REM
posted by colleen shaver 2:04 AM
Friday, February 09, 2001
So I was supposed to be all stylish and update my blogger today with a new thought.... (believe.. I have plenty of 'em)..
But I'm being lazy... ah well.. soon enough..
But note the added "commentability"... say your thoughts on what I write now as well by clicking on "So.. what do you think?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
I'm Movin' On - Rascal Flatts
Love, Peace, and Grease - BT
Never There - Cake
posted by colleen shaver 2:18 AM
Monday, February 05, 2001
Love stinks.
Well, not really.. just sometimes I guess.
Love stinks when it's so close to that "friendship/something more" line that you can't tell the difference, you don't know what you want, you don't know what you deserve, and you don't know your own limits to retain what, or whom, you think is rightfully yours.
So yeah, love stinks.
And jealousy even more. As much as we all like to think we would or wouldn't get jealous.. it really takes something happening for us to truly know.. or to for the first time be willing to admit to our true feelings. Often times it's too late. Too unfortunate. Too much to handle, so much so that it can be taken the wrong way.. expressed the wrong way.. and just become plain wrong...
Love Stinks.
But love itself.. it's such a wonderful thought. Just the thought of someone loving you. Always there for you. Always. Such a great thought.
If only we're all so lucky to have it, we'd all be ok.
And if you are so lucky.. never take it for granted... never see fault.. never wonder if there is better. Just understand how one-in-many you are and be forever thankful... that you have someone who would give their everything for you. Who loves you that much, who cares that much. It's a crazy thought.. but some people don't understand.. they just don't see. They are so busy looking for something that isn't love.. that they miss what is.. the poor souls who miss them.. and the even poorer ones who are missed. Because they knew the truth that others couldn't see.
If only all of us were so blind to see... this world would be wonderful...
"lost and lonely.. now you've given me the will to survive.. when we're hungry, love will keep us alive" - Eagles
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Song(s) to d/l:
Love Will Keep Us Alive - Eagles
I Will Love You - Fisher
It's Not Just Me - Rascal Flatts
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad - Meatloaf
posted by colleen shaver 1:11 AM
Friday, February 02, 2001
Funny are things--- i decided to read my extended horoscope for the year 2001...
I hate when these things know what they're talking about!!
although the full thing is revealing yet insightful.. (http://www.go.com/Center/Horoscopes?np=ag.html&key=forecast_year_year_Cancer) here's the "summary".. you may not care..but i found this interesting.. :-P
2001 could turn out to be the best year of your life, thanks to the planet of good fortune, Jupiter, moving into Cancer this July — a once-in-twelve-year opportunity. By then, you'll be ready to start a new personal cycle of emotional, physical, and even financial growth. The progress that ensues will astound you! Before that can happen, though, you must be willing to look at your life and decide what stays and what goes. Cut out all the projects and people who have drained your time and resources. Wrap up old obligations to ready yourself for the exciting new projects coming your way. Most importantly, draw up a list of goals that you have been hesitant to attempt to reach, and choose the one that means the most to you. Although you may have no inkling yet of the massive support you are about to receive from people around you, assuredly it is about to arrive, and it may stun you in its sheer intensity. The coming year is all about using the force of your personality to affect change in your life — it's up to you to begin the process. You are a reserved and often modest person, so simply being yourself is the best thing you can do. If you're single, a soul mate may be attracted to you right now.
As you closed the door on the old millennium and turned to face the new one, at first you may not have known quite what to do to get started. As 2001 progresses, you achieve a sense of purpose and have enough humor to give things a try. You seem less stiff and less afraid of taking a risk in the second half of the year, and that's as it should be. The fates are on your side, dear Cancer, and if you get a feeling that it's now or never, good — the feeling will propel you to act. Step up to the plate and knock that ball right out of the park, dear Cancer! We are all waiting to see you do it!
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Song(s) to d/l
Call & Answer - Barenaked Ladies
Where Have All the Flowers Gone - Peter, Paul, & Mary
Objects in the Rearview Mirror - Meatloaf
posted by colleen shaver 11:33 PM
For those of you regular readers... sorry for the lack of cool written stuff...
Watch tonight/morning for an update...
For now.. quench your thirst by downloading some cool songs---
Janis Joplon - Me and Bobby McGee
Spin Doctors - Little Miss Can't Be Wrong
The Jayhawks - Blue
And ANYONE who can download music-- I need Collective Soul stuff!! off their Fortress album-- it's so good..
.. songs like Beautiful Thing and Shame on You..
If you can get 'em for me.. i'll love you forever and ever and ever!!
posted by colleen shaver 6:19 PM
Thursday, February 01, 2001
Life's not so bad... getting slightly better...
Updating the page.. should be coooool by night ending...
Be afraid.. be very afraid :-P
posted by colleen shaver 9:44 PM
This is not my freakin' night...
I wrote this whole blogger.. and then they gay window from the game I closed cause I didn't get to play cause apparently some nights I'm just not good enough for some people to bother with goes and opens in this window and loses my whole blogger...
So in less fluid and more abrupt words... Why the hell do I care so much for people who can't give a fuck in return?
I try to give to people when they need it.. make time for everyone.. care.. love.. make people happy... but when I need a little relax time or someone to love me... no.. apparently their time is a little more precious than mine.
I really like my other blogger... but I don't care to rewrite it now..
Maybe tomorrow sometime... who knows..
who cares...
do you?
Civilization isn't defined by the advancements in technology but rather by the intentions of the people within it...
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Song(s) to d/l: Life's Gonna Suck - Dennis Leary
Sunrays and Saturdays - Vertical Horizon
It's Not Just Me - Rascal Flatts
posted by colleen shaver 12:55 AM
Tuesday, January 30, 2001
"What a long, strange trip it's been...."
I often wonder about people's motives. What on earth makes us do and say the things we do? What develops our perspectives on things? What makes are attitudes? Are we born as pacifists or pessimists? Or do we develop our outlook on life as we live it; forever altering the way we see the world by that variable itself?
It seems so easy to be happy. Well, not to be happy but to realize that you don't have it that bad. No matter how crappy your life may seem at the time.. there's someone else going through worse, has seen worse, or soon will be in deeper shit than you. Most people can just look at some of their closest friends and thank all supernatural powers that they never had to go through that. Maybe eventually there does come a point where there will be own person who has no one to turn to. No one who is worse than them. But I don't think that's any of us.. or in our time.. or in this country.
Happiness is relative.
Existence isn't futile either... self-pity is. We're all here for a reason.. to do something, accomplish something, learn something, teach someone something, to be humbled, to be admired, to be loved. If we wallow in our own tears over our own lives, we miss out on so many opportunities to do what we're here to do. If we stopped wasting time worrying about the bad. If we stopped pushing each other so hard; stopped pushing ourselves beyond the non-existant limits and just breathed the air, smelled the flowers, and counted the stars... we'd all be a little better off.
The best way to live life is not to spend all the time worrying that you are living it right.. or not getting a fair shake... it's all up and down... the down's give you a better perspective and humble you for the up times. The up times are the highlights..enjoy them while there around.
Life's not futile. Don't waste the little you got worrying it is.
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Song(s) to d/l: Joy to the World - Three Dog Night (one of my faaaaavorites)
We're Not Gonna Take it - (Unknown)
Every time - Fisher
posted by colleen shaver 1:16 AM
Friday, January 26, 2001
Sometimes I sit and wonder about why we make decisions. Well, not we, but rather me. I try to do it as in-often as possible because when I do make them, I often second guess myself afterwards. Maybe it's a lack of practice or tolerance for my own stupidity, who knows.
I wish I did.
I think it's that I so much prefer to make decisions with my heart; with what feels good and right and not necessarily what's the best logically or most rational. But the rest of the world uses their heads. So who's to blame, me or them?
And for that matter, it would make sense to say that I must have some warped vision of right and good if I doubt my decisions after I make them. When everyone else is working with their head and you're working with your heart... things are bound to go awry.
I just want to be happy. Be loved. Be hugged. I want to make decisions that will help me get there. But I can't seem to do it right.
I just want a hug.
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Song(s) to d/l: Deep Inside of You - Third Eye Blind
Scenes from a Coffeehouse - Blessid Union of Souls
Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
posted by colleen shaver 10:42 PM
These days there just is no justice. People are forever taking things the wrong way, using things not with which the manner they were intended, and simply just not being fair to all things in the world.
Take bananas for example. A fruit; an excellent source of potassium; just one "sector" of the complete breakfast that can be enhanced by eating with the various foods you see on Saturday morning cereal commercial.
But bananas just don't have it fair. Mention banana in the wrong group and all hell breaks loss. Everyone perceives it to mean "something else." As if there is some underlying meaning of bananas. As if they have some alternate motive and the farmers when harvesting back in the day got together and thought, "Wouldn't it be funny if we made a fruit that was shaped like a...."
Next thing you know there are stories about.. "And then one day, at culinary camp, I stuck a banana..."
And then the monkeys. Bring the poor monkeys into the mix and it's just crazed lunancy.
The bananas and monkeys deserve better than this. They need proper and regular harvesting and grooming; they need to be fresh and ripe and the proper color; they need to be petted, nutured and taken care of.
Your banana deserves better, don't you think?
(if this sucks, don't blame me.. jim wanted me to write about bananas)
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Song(s) to d/l:
Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something
American Pie - Don McLean
posted by colleen shaver 12:25 AM
Thursday, January 25, 2001
So once my religion teacher told me that if I made time in my day for Eucharistic Adoration no matter how busy I was, that God would make extra sure that I had enough time in my day to complete everything I needed to do. So I went once, and I was slightly surprised that I found truth in what she said. I often doubt my sometimes the meager "faith" that my Catholicism is and was slightly renewed when it worked.
Last night I was a good girl. I sat diligently studying for my two tests. Reading chapters, writing code, reading some more, etc. I took small breaks every once in a while and went to be at a reasonable hour. I woke up early this morning and didn't even feel tired. I went to my first test relaxed and answer everything quickly and succiently (sp?) such as the professor who can't draw stick figures likes. He let us out 20 minutes early from class. I went to the library and studied some more for my other test. I went to calculus and he said our homework wasn't due today nor did we have any due tomorrow. As well, since I was one of the people who passed last week's quiz, I could leave 10minutes early. I proceeded onto my Java test and finished in 10minutes without even using the one page of notes we're allowed to bring in. I double, triple, and quadruple checked my work and passed it in.
So I've begun to believe that good pays off, as does balance. The more you stress and rush and put off, the less patient and forgiving life is to you. Work + Pleasure = a Good Life and Time. It's not all party, not all work.. it's all balance and prioritizing.
Set yourself straight and enjoy the ride.
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Song to d/l: My Own Worst Enemy - Lit
Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta - From the movie Office Space
posted by colleen shaver 3:04 PM
Wednesday, January 24, 2001
Some days I think if I just kept walking left I would fall off the earth. It's not that strange of a concept, right? Back in the days before Columbus and such it wasn't such a far fetched idea. Really though.
Is there eventually a point when gravity doesn't matter or count for anything? In every other facet of life, things have a limit. You can only care so much before it becomes futile. You can only try so hard before the same happens. Eventually all that effort becomes wasteful because people don't care. So what if we all on the count of three stopped caring about gravity? 1....2....3....
Did you not care about the existance of gravity for a bit? Harder than you think..hmmm.. Too bad all things weren't in the same respect that hard; the more you try not to think about it, the more pertinent, obvious, and unignorable a presence it becomes in our life. For instance, the more people thought others didn't care, the more insanely noticable it became that they did. At which point, it would be impossible and again futile to try and think differently, as you couldn't about gravity. It's an unalterable presence in or life, necessary whether we're willing to acknowledge it as such or not.
So what if love were like gravity? The more we tried to convince ourselves we didn't need it, the more apparent it becomes that we can't live without it... at which point we can be nothing but happy that our two feet will always find the ground.. and our hearts will always find someone who loves us... no matter how hopeless it seems.
Gravity keeps everyone close. Use it to your benefit.
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Song(s) to d/l: True Colors - Phil Collins
One Moment in Time - Whitney Houston
posted by colleen shaver 11:55 PM
did you ever sit and contemplate the greatness of the telephone? I really don't. But I decided that in my spare time I should think about it. So I did.
Isn't it such a great thing though; the concept of hearing someone's voice as opposed to all these random characters on the screen that can be interpreted and misinterpreted in 12 x 10^42 different ways or you could just pick up the phone, call someone, and know what's "the dilly-yo" right away.
I've decided the phone is a good thing. Thanks Alexander. You've made my life complete.
Call someone today.. call me if you'd like, it's all good.
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Song to d/l: Alternative Girlfriend -- Barenaked Ladies
posted by colleen shaver 1:14 PM
Tuesday, January 23, 2001
Sometimes I just don't know why things are the way they are
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one to blame for it
After all... you don't talk much
Well no, you talk a lot
But what did they say in Hamlet... something like
Words without thought will never to heaven go
You know.. that whole iambic-pentamerish philosophical wonder
You're yelling so loud for something
But what
It's like your waiting for me to say the right thing
and I don't even know it's my turn to speak
It's like your waiting for me
but just when I begin
you leave
and stop
and go
and go
and go
I come
you go
After waiting so long
for me to realize that it's one foot
in front of
the other
It like one large circle
and saying take a left
right after the vertex
I'm not quite sure what you mean
Your ramblings, your calls, your panics
Your love...
Your hate...
Your complete indecisiveness
I know it's
just not about what i want
but I at least want to know what's going on
sometimes
So what is it you want...
give me a hint
I want you to understand
the difference between
tangible and transparent
understandable and ridiculous
That it's hard to react
to a situation you don't even know you're in
Sometimes I wish I could just turn back time
To when I could've just changed things
Moves made
C6 instead
of letting you snatch the queen
while the pawn's guard was down
Now I'm stuck in this corner
tossing and turning between black and white spaces
in a supposed techni-color world
You got me
I lost this little game
Now let me in on the rules
so we can start playing fair
Checkmate
posted by colleen shaver 1:28 AM
Tuesday, January 16, 2001
hey hey--- this may be working after all
posted by colleen shaver 9:25 PM
Wednesday, January 10, 2001
ok-- this god damn thing better start working...
posted by colleen shaver 11:33 PM
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