Oh Great and Terrible Kali ~
How can I get in touch with "Red-cheeked in Moosejaw", she sounds like just the gal to bring home to Mom & Dad (whom I keep locked up in the cellar).
Drooling in D.C.
Dear Drooling;
It sounds like you may have some insurmountable personal problems, and for that reason I cannot give out any personal information about 'Red-cheeked', or anyone else for that matter. Perhaps you should consider working out some of your more pressing problems before you inflict yourself on anyone else.
For example: why have you got your parents locked up in the basement? Are they still alive? That kind of thing is illegal, immoral and unethical y'know. It's probably even their house. Your folks may have done some terrible things to you in the past, and I DO know that parents can be a child's worst enemy—I regularily maim and torture my own wee ones for fun and profit. But no matter what they've done, the right thing for you to do is walk away.
Let them out of the basement and into the light of day, then run like hell. You might want to change your name and consider plastic surgery as well. You'll feel much better about yourself, I promise. And someday soon, you may be ready to meet someone as special as Red-cheeked in Moosejaw.
By the way, what makes you think she's a girl?
another fine bit of advice from
Kali the Destroyer
Thursday, July 20, 2000
Oh Great and Terrible Kali ~
I want to write an online personal ad, but there's a problem: I'm not sure how honest I should be. I'm really into watersports, spanking and diaper play, plus I weigh in at a hefty 350, am covered in body hair, and live in my parents' basement with 14 cats. If I mention these things in my ad I'm afraid I'll scare everyone away. What should I reveal?
Red-cheeked in Moosejaw
Dear Red-cheeked in Moosejaw;
I believe it's always best to be clear about things. After all, you're looking for someone who'll meet your needs, so you must be honest about what you're looking for. I tell people: date me, date my aspects.
I once wrote a successful ad that was 100% honest, and although I only got a few answers, they were real gems--each and every one. The ad read:
. . .I'm fond of knitting, fire walking and extreme body modification. Sometimes I like to combine these hobbies. Also I'd like to take up dentistry or perhaps voodoo surgery in my spare time.
I'm looking for a man who doesn't mind being split from groin to throat, and who has a great sense of humour. And I'm always looking for fresh meat boys, so line up to the left please.
And believe you me, I had a ripping good time!
So be honest. You need to know that anyone you attract through your ad will appreciate your fashion sense, spank you, piss on you, and get along with your cats.
another fine bit of advice from
Kali the Destroyer
Friday, July 14, 2000
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