this is what we need...
a "holy war"... the muslims against the world. sound familiar? this seems to be a recurring theme... perhaps something that started way back in the days of the crusades until now. the attacks on the muslim world are wrong then, and they are wrong now. Watching everything take place almost makes my blood boil. Even though Bin Laden is considered a prime suspect to these recent attacks, i don't believe Bush has acquired any hard-evidence to this particular accusation. Nevertheless, Bush wants Bin Laden "dead or alive". And in the process, he realizes that "there will be losses". My biggest question is this... the destruction of innocent lives, whether it comes in the form of a surprise terrorist attack or in the form of bombings on another country... it is still based on a disregard for human life. in an attempt to smoke out Bin Laden, Bush is willing to do "whatever it takes", which would include the destruction of more human lives. What makes his actions any more condonable than the terrorist?

We live in a morally pluralistic world... with many different "realities". From their point of view, the talibans may have ways of justifying their actions against the US... and from the US point of view, they have ways of justifying theirs. This world has lost the concept of absoluteness of good or evil, so everyone is fighting for their own versions of justice, none of which may be congruent to one another. This is what I find very frustrating and disturbing... and perhaps these differing views is what causes war to begin. in declaring that "we saw evil" last week, there is an absoluteness in that statement that plainly does not seem to hold water in this world. of course, i do believe that there exists a universal standard with which to distinguish good and evil... but the statement i am making is that the world (as a whole) does not agree upon any standard. in a world such as this, power talks and reason no longer does, because there is no longer any sort of universal rationality upon which to speak.

At this point, many people in the islamic world believe this is justified because they are suffering under the economic sanctions that the US has placed on them (for whatever reason)... so over there, there are millions of innocents suffering because of some political/economic struggle. over here, the US president thinks that their attacks are unwarranted and many of his people are suffering as a result. as the fighting escalates, the focus deters from the original issues (which has never really been resolved) and focusses on winning and domination. wars never really solve anything. it just makes things worse. human history has been decorated with all kinds of wars, and there is no sense of the diminishing of hatred... it seems like quite the opposite, really. true resolution of issues can't begin until wars end... but perhaps the aim is no longer to resolve the issues, but to take over the world. and to do so in the name of "justice".

[posted by confucius007 9:22 AM] [Your 2 cents ]

what a week
yeah... what a week it was. i am still having problems in how to approach things in my life. I have all kinds of issues taking place, and figurative fireworks are taking place inside this head o' mine. I have my own personal issues (to which, there is no hint or sign of resolve in the short term), i have school (i am already getting stressed out when looking at the amount of reading i will need to cover on a weekly basis), and then of course, there's dealing with the WTC & Pentagon bombings and the looming prospect of war.

indeed, these aren't happy times. i am having some very real problems in trying to deal with things in life... almost feeling overwhelmed feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. i don't know what to think, what to say, what to do. feeling a real sense of panic, it's so easy to lose sight of hope... and indeed, the world around me doesn't really offer much of that at all. perhaps my friends are right... when it comes to the world around us, i am very pessimistic... but when it comes to the hope i have in Christ... that's the only source of optimism I have right now.

[posted by confucius007 6:28 PM] [Your 2 cents ]

i am still numb...
you know, it's not even my own country that got attacked, but I am still numb from Tuesday's events. I think the fact that I was in classes from Tuesday night until this afternoon that really got to me. I really haven't had time to really process my thoughts. It's still a confusing time... I don't know what to make of everything. I don't want to intellectualize this tragedy... the reality is that a lot of people are suffering both physically and especially emotionally. For me, I am still very confused and very numb... not quite know what to say or how to react.

Although it does concern me that people are trying to go back to their normal lives so soon. People really need to mourn over this tragedy, and allow themselves to feel the pain and to ask the tough questions. This is not a time to suppress emotion or put up a strong front. We have to stand up and face our own hearts and understand how we are feeling, and deal with it, instead of running away or suppressing it. But by trying to go back to normal so soon, I am afraid that's exactly what they are going to do. And it is my guess that by not allowing yourself to mourn this tragedy, negative effects will hit... it's just a matter of time.

For me, the fact that I was in classes since Tuesday really didn't give me a chance to properly process what's been going on. I need the downtime to reflect upon my own life and what I can draw from this tragedy. There are a lot of things to think about and to pray about... I think I will start now.

[posted by confucius007 11:00 PM] [Your 2 cents ]

911
that's a date we'll probably remember... one where we will remember what we were doing when we found out that the world trade center towers were hit with the airplanes... the day that the pentagon was hit also. i don't know whether it was mere coincidence that these things took place on this day whose numbers seem to mean "emergency"... who do we call 911 to in these circumstances.

i only have 15 minutes to share just a couple of thoughts, so i'll try my best to get through them. on tuesday, i basically spent most of the day watching CNN and a whole bunch of other news channels... horrified, stupified, stunned. Toronto is not that far away from NYC, and the fact that I live near the downtown core plus all of those flights being diverted to Canadian airports may have added to the tension in here. Truly, it is not an easy situation to be in.

The mood of the city was quite somber, and i felt like i was driving amongst a city of zombies. and while I don't know whether everyone else was as numb as I was, there was a truly eerie feeling on the streets of Toronto. I find it amazing how things like this can really bring people together. It really seems that these tragic events brought all of North America together... and it also brought all of north america to a standstill.

It really forces us to take a deep hard look at what really happened though. Taking a good hard deep look at this, these attacks were actually very smart. Obviously I don't condone it or anything like that, but if they wanted to hit America where it hurts with the minimum amount of personal damage, they did it. They struck America right in the very heart... military and financial. Both of these pillars got hit. And they did it without using any of their own equipment. If they wanted to strike, they knew they wouldn't be able to do it from the outside, and the only way to do it is to do it from within. It's not so much an act of cowardice... it's really brilliant. If we really wanted to be pragmatic about it, and this was your goal, then you'd do it in the most effective means possible. And quite frankly, they did it.

to be continued...

[posted by confucius007 7:29 AM] [Your 2 cents ]

horrific
by the time anyone reads this, unless you are from another planet, i am sure you would have heard of the plane crashes that took out both of the world trade center towers and also the pentagon in the US. my heart goes out to all of the families affected, and my prayers go out to those who are suffering during these times. May the peace of the Lord transcend all understanding and be shown to those who are directly or indirectly affected by these incidents.

[posted by confucius007 1:39 PM] [Your 2 cents ]

add a little of this and a little of that...
this weekend, I dropped some coin and decided to add a little bit more to finish off my loft. I finally bought myself a coffee table (an orange one-piece glass thing), an off-white long-hair shaggy rug, a bookshelf, and a full-length mirror. Yes, little vain ol' me survived a whole year without one of them things. But now I got it... booyah! As for the other things... it's nice to finally have a proper coffee table. And my bookshelf? I'll have to figure out how to bend that thing properly without breaking my nose. I'll tell you while later... it's a funky piece of work that one.

english question
is it "so many clothes?" or "so much clothes" -- which is grammatically correct? The question came up as I went shopping last week with a bunch of friends. And while we were able to resolve it, the answer wasn't quite satisfying. whaddaya think?

[posted by confucius007 6:02 PM] [Your 2 cents ]

CRAAAAAACK!!!
dang nabbit! the luck i have with this car... it's cursed, i tell ya! Saturday morning, I wake up full of anticipation to shoot a round a golf... something I haven't done in a good 3 months. I am quite rusty, mind you, but it would have been nice to take in the fresh air and hang out with some good friends.

Unfortunately, there was a mixup with the tee-off time. I thought my friend booked it for 9:00am... but evidently, it was for 8:00... so the end result if that I arrived an hour late. that really sucked. sad and dejected, i climbed back into my car and proceeded to drive back home.

and within 10 minutes of hitting highway, i notice that a golf-ball-sized rock was bouncing along the highway. it took a funny bounce, and went high and veered in my direction. Me, I was speeding at around 130 km/h (or faster), so breaking and swerving may not have been the smartest thing... not to mention that i wasn't fully aware of what cars were around me. So i continued to drive, and just winced and moved my head when the impact was made.

it made a very nice shatter right at the point of contact, and then the crack that emerged from it went in all kinds of direction. it hasn't quite reached end to end yet, so it's still driveable, i think... just as long as i take it easy and such. i called the body shop, and they can't get a windshield until at least thursday... so i am driving around with a bummed windshield. oh well... them's the breaks.

me? a teacher?
during a combined sunday school class at church, the coordinator was making an announcement for adult sunday school. For all you church-types, adult sunday school is actually different from the youth or children's ones... these ones are a lot more brain intense... mixing in a lot of theology with real life application. So it's quite relevant in our zeal to understand how our faith works in our lives when we are outside of church. Anyway, during that announcement, he made mention that i'd be co-teaching one of the courses (called Old Testament Theology) with him. You should have seen the looks on the faces of the people that knew me.

Those looks of surprise and bewilderment. Not to mention snickeing and laughing. It was actually quite funny, because I am one of those people in church who has an interesting personality (to say the least). I'm also one of those people that would challenge "authority" or mainstream thinking... so it would be very interesting to see me as someone who is coleading a class. Of course, I hope that the fact that I am taking the course in seminary will help me teach this too... but all in all, this can be quite an interesting experience.

it all begins this week
classes begin this week. Starts tomorrow night, and then I go straight from then until late Thursday afternoon... with a 7 hour break on Wednesday. All in all, it's an intense schedule, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm totally looking forward to school. I just can't wait.

[posted by confucius007 11:18 AM] [Your 2 cents ]

new beginnings

a letter that I wrote to the boys at work:

Hey y'all...

Funny I should get this email, because I was just in the middle of drafting
up a similar one myself. I, too, didn't think I'd be writing an email like
this, but I have come to the same conclusion in deciding to shut down or to
close this particular segment in my life, although my reasons for doing so
are actually quite different from those of Greg's...

I admit that the market has been tough and it has made it increasingly
difficult to trade, but for me, what's made it more convicting is that my
heart left trading after I got back from Tijuana last year and it never came
back. This was magnified during the time that my mother was diagnosed with
cancer. Simply put, there are more important things to life than money and
security... and this is what I have been learning, and it's taken me 29
years to for this simple fact to really hit home.

And after taking stock of so many things in life, I have decided to go back
to school. I'm hitting seminary, baby! I actually submitted my application
prior to my venture into China, and I learned of my acceptance after I got
back... and for all of you who have no idea what that is, think of it as
"Bible School"... I'll be working towards a Masters in Theological Studies,
with a focus on Youth Ministry.

Not that I am keen on the idea of pastoring a church, but I am keen on
working with the youth of the world, because I am discovering that there is
an immense amount of confusion in society at large which contributes to the
intense amount of confusion in and amongst the teens -- which can ultimately
lead them to doing some pretty interesting things; I have a strong
conviction that I can help at least some of them through these tough times
(having been through a lot and learning as much as i have about life
struggles in what little time I've been living)..

So perhaps Neil Getz was right when he told me that I am someone who loves
to help people, and that you can't be like that if you want to succeed in
daytrading. I will be coming in to visit the boys from time to time (since
i live so friggin close) and perhaps you guys can become my financial
advisors so that I can be more diligent in my investments? =)

Thank you all so much for making my time there enjoyable... for creating
such fond memories of my time there, for extending your hands out in
friendship, for all of your support and advice during my stay there, and for
always making things interesting on the floor. I wish you all the best in
your future.

Take care,
Sam

so i guess it's becoming more or less official. it's a brand new step in life, and i just can't wait to begin. God rocks!

[posted by confucius007 1:04 AM] [Your 2 cents ]

leraning about growth & maturity
earlier this summer, i took a trip into China to teach english, I am amazed at how much I learned. during this trip, much of the knowledge that I had in the head sank down into the conviction of the heart... which explains why and how i managed to write tonnes and tonnes of stuff in my journals in the weeks after my trip. experience helped solidify my head knowledge, and it went a little further than that, and i find myself attempting to play catch up in terms of my head knowledge.

i met up with my mentor earlier today, and we were talking about the dual nature of people. We have our intellects, and then we have our hearts, and many of the times (if not most) they aren't quite on even keel all of the time. in order for people to grown (be it spiritually or otherwise), both of these things must grow, and do so together. in order to progress through life, one of those things must be pushed and the other must play catch up. this can be compared to the physical act of walking. if we stand still, both feet are parallel, and we don't get to go anywhere. in order for us to move, we would normally walk. and the physical act of walking (by it's very nature) is unstable, in that one foot must be picked up and moved forward, and then the other foot moves forward to play catchup. sometimes, the other foot may not stop where the original foot stopped, but instead, may proceed forward, and then we find the original foot playing catchup and the process repeats itself.

if one foot represents head knowledge, and the other foot represents our hearts (or experience), true growth occurs when both of these items progress forward. we can't have one foot racing far ahead of the other while keeping the other foot planted, and expect us to get anywhere... both progress together, albeit perhaps at different paces. it is not necessary that the same foot is the one that always progresses first... either will do. in fact, when we walk, we alternate which foot moves forward and which one plays catch up. perhaps this can also be analogous to life... sometimes, it may be appropriate to have our intellect race ahead of our experiences, but sometimes, we need to allow our experiences race ahead of what we know in order to progress. either way, the only way to progress is only if we are willing to move both. and in doing so, we would arrive at our destination.

i find this analogy of walking fascinating, because it really does detail what it really means to mature or to grow. and what it means to take risks and why it is beneficial to do so sometimes. and to draw it back to the reference of many Christians to our own "walk with Christ", perhaps there is a deeper meaning to the phrase than i had ever come to understand.

[posted by confucius007 12:42 AM] [Your 2 cents ]

long time no post
yes, it has been a very long time. to those who pop on here to read whatever it is that i write, i am sorry for the tardiness of my posts. these past couple of weeks, i have been going through a kind of personal hell, and i just have not been able to post anything that would have been worth reading. things are a little better now, but it definitely has not been easy...

as for other things... my first day of orientation for school was yesterday... it's like frosh week relived, except i am 10 years older, and the atmosphere is quite different. Orientation week in seminary is actually quite different than frosh... for one thing, there is no emphasis on drinking or beer (well, duh!). but all in all, it does feel kind of weird again... it's frosh week all over again, but totally not, but totally cool. i was never into the drinking thing anyway... so this suits me quite well.

i'll update with more when i have time... but checking in to say that "yup, i am still alive"...

[posted by confucius007 2:58 PM] [Your 2 cents ]

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